Chapters AnimalsAreSoooooCute
Fluttershy loved the Internet. But with that noted, what pony out there didn’t love the Internet? It had something for everypony. It was also a great way to make friends, especially for shy ponies.
Fluttershy was amazed by how many ponies in Equestria held the same interest she did in animals. While Fluttershy’s closest friends in Equestria were always happy to hear her talk about her woodland critters, these ponies cared deeply about them rather than simply tolerating a friend’s interest.
Fluttershy’s favorite website was “Animal Lovers” which was a forum where ponies can discuss anything and everything about animals. Fluttershy’s favorite subforum was the “Animal Caretakers”. When she discovered the website, she realized early on how valuable she was in giving advice to other ponies on how to treat woodland critters. For a long time now, Fluttershy spent her nights on that website. She was so glad to be able to help other ponies and herself in the process. Many times, she was able to obtain good advice herself from perusing the forum.
Fluttershy logged on to the website to see if there were any new topics.
Fluttershly anxiously clicked on the link and she began to read.
“I recently bought a parakeet from the pet store. I named the parakeet Celestia, after my favorite princess. I saw a PonyTube video where somepony fed the parakeet high levels of arsenic and the parakeet began to cough and twitch. I think it is funny and I want to do the same thing for my parakeet. The trouble is that I seem to have trouble feeding her arsenic like in the video. It bit me, lol, I hope it dies for defying me. Any advice? I want to see my lovely parakeet do what Willy Nilly did in the video.”
How could somepony be so stupid? Fluttershy needed to help that pony. She saw that there were no replies yet. Maybe, she could still save the parakeet from death.
Fluttershy wrote back using her username Kindness.
“I think the reason why your parakeet does not want to eat the arsenic is that she knows it is bad for her. Animals have very good instincts in that regard and are actually more skilled than ponies at detecting poisonous items. Besides, that PonyTube video is fake and everypony knows that it was simply temporarily manipulated by a unicorn’s magic. I would advise you to stop this endeavor. I think you and your parakeet would be happier, if you did so.”
Fluttershy read the original post again which made her cringe, hopefully it wasn’t too late.
Fluttershy anxiously refreshed the thread in order to see if the original poster responded. Not surprisingly, there were many other replies from concerned ponies – some included insults. “Don’t feed your bird arsenic!”, “What are you, stupid?”, “You fucking nutjob, I hope social services takes away your bird”, “What do you have against Princess Celestia? Naming your bird after her and wanting to kill it?”
The original poster finally responded.
“Lol, thank you for all of the advice, but I will admit that my original question has not been answered yet. How can I feed Celestia arsenic? She refuses to do so.”
Fluttershy facehoofed. The poor bird..it needed to be saved. Fluttershy wanted to cry. She wished she could just talk some sense into the misguided pony. She got it! She would send a private message to AnimalsAreSoooooCute. Maybe, the original poster did realize his or her mistake and is too embarrassed to admit it.
Fluttershy sent a message. “Hello, I hope everything is alright with you and Celestia. I think you are making a terrible mistake by feeding your bird arsenic. Please don’t do it. She will die and not act like the bird on the PonyTube video. Please, don’t. –Kindess.”
AnimalsAreSoooooCute quickly respond to her PM. “Hello, Kindness. I saw it on PonyTube. The Internet is a series of tubes after all LOL. I think I can feed her arsenic and she will just act silly and not die. I will do so. It will be hilarious, I will post a video on the website once I finally get silly Celestia to consume the arsenic, LOL!! You love animals, so I think you will find the video awesome – LOL!”
Go LOL yourself, thought Fluttershy. Oh no, what could she do? This careless pony was going to kill an innocent creature because he or she thinks it is going to be funny. Fluttershy knew what she needed to do. She needed to track down this person and save Celestia the parakeet from being killed. How could somebody be so stupid? Fluttershy could feel the rage inside of her. She looked at the avatar of AnimalsAreSoooooCute. It was of a cute little bunny nibbling on some grass in a fresh meadow. How could somepony with such an adorable avatar be so cruel? But perhaps AnimalsAreSoooooCute wasn’t a bad pony, he or she was probably just fooled by the PonyTube video. Fluttershy groaned.
It might be easiest if she could talk to the pony one on one. She could talk some sense into AnimalsAreSoooooCute. If only she was better with computers, she could possibly track his or her location. However, she knew somepony that could help her: Princess Twilight Sparkle. Since computers and the internet were introduced to Equestria, Twilight learned all there was to know about the mechanics of the internet. Maybe she could help Fluttershy find where this pony lived so she could save Celestia the parakeet!
Author's Note
Let me know what you think!!
Princess Twilight Sparkle loved the Internet. It was essentially a bottomless pit of knowledge. If it wasn't for her lovely friends, Twilight would be on the Internet 24/7. Additionally Princess Celestia invented the Internet herself, which only added to how amazing it was. Twilight loved almost everything about the Internet, she was admittedly a tad disgusted with the porn which was commonplace. In fact, Twilight researched the matter and realized that any website could increase its traffic threefold if it added pornographic images. However, the Internet was certainly more than porn.
One of Twilight's favorite forums was "Magic Scholars". It was about anything and everything to do with magic. Twilight found herself to simultaneously be a teacher and student at the forum. Even though few ponies knew even close to as much as she knew, Twilight was able to gain some new insights on her own spells. Ah, the Internet, she loved it so much. Once you were able to ignore the filth, the Internet could be used entirely for good.
Twilight looked through the forum for new and exciting topics. Twilight saw "How can I clean more efficiently with magic?", "Can an earth pony create magic?", "Trixie is the most magical pony", "Princess Celestia Fan Club". Twilight grimaced at the "Trixie is the most magical pony", who would seriously think such a thing? Twilight decided to click on the link.
Twilight rolled her eyes at the username of the poster - TrixieIsMostMagicalPony.
"Hey guys! I went to a magic show recently in Fillydelphia and I saw the most magical pony ever. She called herself the Great and Powerful Trixie, so I knew that meant she was good. I asked Trixie if she was the most magical pony ever and she said yes. I asked her if she was better than Princess Twilight Sparkle, she told me yes. This impressed me to no end. So, then I asked Trixie if she was better than Princess Luna, she told me yes. I was like HOLY SHIT OMG THIS PONY IS DA BEST, so then I asked her if she was better than Princess Celestia. I eagerly awaited Trixie's answer as she took a moment to pause. She must have thought my question was extra deep and smart... and then Trixie looked at me and told me yes. Then I knew right there that the Great and Powerful Trixie is the best and most magical pony ever lol... I have the proof. I used to think that the princesses were most magical but Trixie told me otherwise, so it must be true. LOL"
Twilight groaned to herself, how could anypony be so goddamn stupid? TrixieIsMostMagicalPony didn't even present any proof that Trixie showed she was more magical than Princess Celestia. Twilight thought to herself, this is just a troll, leave it alone. Twilight began looking at other topics on the forum but she couldn't stop thinking about how somepony out there actually would think Trixie was more magical than Celestia, Luna, or herself. Twilight was honestly not too bothered that someone was spouting that Trixie was better than her or Luna, even without real evidence. However, being so disgraceful to Celestia was unacceptable... Twilight had to do something. She decided to respond to TrixieisMostMagicalPony using her username Magic.
"TrixieIsMostMagicalPony, what sort of evidence do you have Trixie is more magical than Princess Celestia? What tricks did she show you? At this point, the only proof you present to the forum is that Trixie told you that she was more magical than Princess Celestia. If you know Celestia half as well as I do, you would know how powerful our Princess truly is. I have had the pleasure to know both Celestia and Trixie. Trixie is an above-average unicorn when it comes to magic but she is no where near as great or powerful as Celestia"
TrixieIsMostMagicalPony responded.
"LOL YOU KNOW CELESTIA! So do I, lol. I think she's a lame-o compared to Trixie. I mean if Celestia was as great and powerful as Trixie, she would call herself the Great and Powerful Celestia, right? Also, I was up at Canterlot and I asked Celestia if she was more powerful than Trixie. Celestia told me no. So, there you have it, Trixie tells me that she is more powerful than Celestia and Celestia told me she is not as powerful as Trixie."
Twilight was furious, who does this bitch think she is?
Twilight heard a knock on the door. She then heard a soft "Sorry for disturbing you but I could use your help..."
Spike rushed downstairs to open the door.
"It seems like Fluttershy needs help. That internet can wait", said Spike.
"Somepony dares defy Princess Celestia, this is important!"
"Who cares? It's not like anypony takes anything on the internet seriously?"
Spike opened the door to see Fluttershy. She was looking down at the ground.
"Hey Fluttershy"
"Oh hey, Spike. I guess I could come back later if Twilight is busy."
"No, that won't be necessary. Hey, Twilight, Fluttershy needs your help!!"
Twilight got off her computer and walked over to Fluttershy and Spike.
"Fluttershy, what's the problem?"
"Oh Twilight, I was hoping you could help me with something computer-related."
"I will do what I can."
"Tonight, I was on the animal lovers forum like I normally do. However, there was this pony who was saying he or she was going to feed a parakeet arsenic to watch it cough and twitch like the parakeet in the PonyTube video. While that is bad in itself, arsenic would kill the parakeet instantly. The pony even named the parakeet Celestia."
"Hmmm.. there seems to be an attitude of defiance towards Celestia across many different niches of the Internet.
"Ummm.. Twilight.. ummm... that doesn't seem so bad."
"What do you mean that doesn't seem so bad?"
"I mean, a pony has the right to believe that Trixie is better at magic than Celestia, even if other ponies think the contrary."
"But you should have seen why the pony believes Trixie is more magical. He or she claims this because Trixie said that she was more magical than Princess Celestia. The nerve of a pony to believe that.. I would say it was Trixie herself writing the post but she would actually show a demonstration of her own magic instead of simply saying "Trixie says she is more powerful than Celestia, therefore, it is true."."
"I see you have a lot on your mind. I could track this potential murderer myself..."
"No, it's okay. So, you said that there is somepony out there who is going to feed a bird arsenic. I can track the IP address of the original post and determine where that pony was saying such things. It might assist us in determining the identity of the poster too and if we act quickly.. we can save the parakeet before it is too late."
"Yes, please do. Also, sorry to get off topic, but um.. how is the flying going?"
"It's going okay. I think I am somewhere between Rainbow Dash and you when it comes to flying."
"Oh, how nice to hear. I am an awful flier though, so um.."
"Ugh.. Fluttershy.. you are not an awful flier. I shouldn't have said that, so rude of me."
"It's okay. I am so happy to have you as my friend."
"Me too." Twilight sighed with relief. She often made mistakes like that socially, saying what she knows is true without regard for her friends' feelings. At least, Fluttershy was a good sport.
Twilight went to her computer to "Animal Lovers". She found the original poster AnimalsAreSoooooCute, hmmmm.. this shouldn't be too hard. Twilight was able to determine the IP address of the perpetrator... hmmm.. let's see where AnimalsAreSooooCute was tonight...
"I hope we can save Celestia", Fluttershy whispered to Spike.
Twilight gasped. She was shocked to see where the poster was located: Princess Celestia's castle in Canterlot.
Author's Note
Off to Celestia's castle!
"But this doesn't make any sense", said Twilight, "what would this troll be doing in Princess Celestia's castle? It also seems to be one of Celestia's IP addresses, meaning that Fluttershy's troll was using one of Celestia's computers. I just don't get it."
"Umm.. I..", started Fluttershy.
"Fluttershy, it looks like we may not need to save Parakeet Celestia but Princess Celestia! Oh no.. we should head for Canterlot right now."
"Oh, ok."
"First, let me track the IP address of TrixieIsBestPony...." Twilight began frantically typing to find the address. Spike chuckled.
"Fluttershy, I think I know what is going on here", said Spike.
"Oh me too.. should we tell Twilight?"
"Nah, she wouldn't believe us anyway. I'm going to sleep though, you two have fun."
"Alright, goodnight Spike." Spike went upstairs.
"Yep, different IP address but clearly one of Celestia's", said Twilight, "I am so glad you brought this to me, Fluttershy. The Princess is clearly in trouble.. think about it, a parakeet named Celestia and somepony saying that Trixie is more magical than Celestia. We need to save her. This may be a different kind of troll. Now, who would want to harm the Princess?"
"Oh, ok. We should go quickly. There could still be a parakeet in danger at Celestia's castle."
"Yea, I agree.. huh!?!? There was another reply!"
Twilight and Fluttershy saw the post, the username was Discord.
"I should have known it was Discord." Twilight snarled. "Once I save Celestia, we are going to turn that little piece of shit back to stone!"
"Um.. I..", started Fluttershy softly.
"Discord is always trying to get under our skin, but I promise you, Fluttershy, that we will find Discord and make sure he learns his lesson."
"I don't know..."
"The evidence is clearly in favor of Discord being the troll."
"Okay."
Twilight and Fluttershy left the library to go to Canterlot.
"Oh.. I'm too scared to fly that far", replied Fluttershy.
"Wouldn't you do it to save a poor parakeet? You're the freaking element of Kindness!"
"I know.. but I can't..."
"Ugh, the next train to Canterlot is an hour."
They heard someone exclaim, "Going to Canterlot, huh? Well, me too!" It was Discord.
"I could use some company on my way to Canterlot, what brings you two to visit?", asked Discord with a grin.
"I think you know why", answered Twilight.
"How would Discord know?", asked Fluttershy
"Yes, Twilight, how could I know? Are you meeting with Celestia?"
"Admit it, Discord. You were trolling me and Fluttershy on the Internet tonight."
"Trolling? What is a troll? I have never heard such a word before in my life."
"Well, a troll is..", began Fluttershy.
"Stop playing us Discord", interrupted Twilight.
"Fluttershy, if I was you, I would be annoyed with Princess Twilight Sparkle right now, she just interrupted you like you meant nothing."
"It's okay. Twilight is just a little cranky. I am sure she will feel better tomorrow morning."
"A little cranky!?!? Fluttershy, you're not helping. Celestia could be in real danger", said Twilight with fear.
"Oh, what is wrong with Celestia?", asked Discord.
"Fine, we will play your game, Discord. Okay, so a troll was on Fluttershy's favorite forum, about animals, saying that it was going to feed a parakeet named Celestia arsenic because it thought it would be funny to do so. Fluttershy tried to stop the troll but it kept on asking for advice on how to get Celestia to eat arsenic. Around the same time, there was a pony on this magic forum I like going to who was saying that Trixie was more magical than Celestia. The pony gave three ridiculous reasons: the first is that Trixie calls herself great and powerful, the second is that Trixie told the pony that she was more magical than Celestia, and Celestia told the pony that Trixie was more magical than her.. ugh..."
"If Celestia said that Trixie was more magical than her, perhaps it is true", commented Discord.
"You're not helping either. Are you taking the train to Canterlot?"
"The train is not coming in for another 55 minutes."
"We were thinking of flying but Fluttershy, despite having wings her whole life, is too afraid to fly to Canterlot."
"It's alright, Fluttershy. Most pegasi would not be so eager to make such a long flight. Twilight has simply be spoiled by the extraordinary flying abilities of Rainbow Dash.. a bird-brain if you ask me."
"I am not even going to respond to that," said Twilight.
"But you just did."
"Ugh.. forget it. Fluttershy and I are going to Canterlot and we don't need you."
"I can teleport from place to place without much strain."
"Oh. Could you teleport me and Fluttershy to Celestia's castle?"
"Of course! Happy to help."
Discord teleported Twilight and Fluttershy to the interior of Celestia's castle. Discord didn't tag along.
"I am surprised that Discord actually teleported us to Celestia's castle", said Twilight with relief.
"You seem to be forgetting that Discord became good", commented Fluttershy.
"You have a lot to learn about Discord, Fluttershy."
"Discord is my friend and I trust him."
"You didn't open your mouth once when Discord insulted Rainbow Dash and you're here telling me off for thinking that Discord might not have been reformed."
"Oh, was I? I just said... oh, Twilight, you should take a nap. That's what I always do when I feel cranky."
"I am not cranky. It's just.. Princess Celestia could be in serious trouble. Don't you see the signs?"
"But who could it be?"
"It's probably not Discord.. honestly, the troll probably threw in Discord as an obvious red herring."
"That's what I was trying to tell you, before you interrupted me."
"I'm sorry for doing that.. it's just that... I am so stressed out. If Celestia is in danger and I can't help, what kind of pony does that make me?"
"I love you just the way you are, Twilight."
"Thanks, Fluttershy. But I know I wouldn't be able to forgive myself.. ever, if something were to happen.."
"Isn't that Celestia's bedroom door in front of us?"
Fluttershy and Twilight approached the ornate door. Twilight knocked on the door.
"Come on in!"
It was Celestia's voice. She didn't seem like she was in danger.. yet...
Twilight and Fluttershy saw Princess Celestia at her computer, probably working on important princess duties.
"Hello, Fluttershy and Twilight, my most faithful student, what brings you two here so late at night?"
"We think your life might be in danger, Princess."
"How so? My Royal Guard hasn't reported any threats to the Equestrian Empire."
"Well.. Fluttershy and I found out through the Internet."
"The Internet, huh? LOL! I'm going to fire half of my royal guard now. The Internet is much cheaper."
"So.. the threat, your Highness, is from two places. Fluttershy was on an animal lovers forum and she saw a poster who said that she was going to feed her pet parakeet Celestia arsenic. She was having trouble getting the parakeet to eat arsenic. Then, on the magic forum I love so much, I saw there was a pony saying that she determined Trixie was more magical than you through inquiry alone. Finally, a poster with the username of Discord replied to agree with the value judgment. All three of these posts came from IP addresses from your castle."
"Oh noes! So this killer might still be in the castle. I suspect it's Luna. I can banish her to the moon again if you want."
"That may be necessary, your Highness, but may I suggest we wait to see it was Luna for sure first."
"Oh. HEY LUNA!! I NEED YOU!!"
Luna entered Celestia's room.
"What is the urgency, Celestia? It is supposed to be night for a couple more hours."
"Twilight Sparkle has discovered something rather interesting and alarming."
"What have you discovered, Twilight?"
"Well.. there is a pony on the Internet in Celestia's castle who has been trolling me and Fluttershy. This pony has also been saying horrible things. He or she wants to feed a parakeet named Celestia arsenic and was spouting blasphemies regarding Trixie being more magical than Celestia."
"Oh no, who would do such a thing like that?"
"By process of elimination", said Celestia sternly, "you are the only possible suspect left actually."
"Me? But.. I.. would never hurt a poor parakeet. Maybe Nightmare Moon would do such a thing, but I certainly would never. Parakeets are harmless creatures and so adorable."
"I should sentence you to another thousand years on the moon right now", said Celestia.
"No.. no.. but I didn't do anything wrong, I swear!!", shouted Luna.
"Hmmm, to think of it, what other pony would have a reason to write on a forum that "Trixie is more magical than Celestia", except a pony with a huge grudge against Celestia", said Twilight.
"That was the old Luna.. I am the new Luna.. I swear it. Why don't you ponies sequester Trixie and send her off to the moon instead? It's more likely to be her than me."
"But there are no records of Trixie being in my castle tonight which is where the pony wrote those horrible posts on the Internet", said Celestia, "the only ones were you, me, and some Royal Guards... so, Twilight Sparkle, what do you think? Should we send Luna to the moon? Given her past history, she likely is the troll."
Luna looked down at the ground solemnly.
Fluttershy was trying to gather up the courage to say, "Celestia is the troll, not Luna! Don't send her to the moon!"
"Princess Celestia."
"Yes, my most faithful student."
"I am not sure that Luna is the one who has been trolling us."
"We don't know for sure unfortunately but who else could it be?"
"I don't know but I have been reading up on ghost ponies recently. There might be one haunting the castle and trolling people."
"Interesting theory, I wish I was as smart as you, my most faithful student."
"Says the pony who invented the Internet, but I do think it is a plausible theory."
"Thank you, Twilight. I have never felt so honored in my life. How about this? Twilight, is there any possible way to detect a ghost pony?"
"Well this book I was reading said that you can hear ghost ponies, you just can't see them."
"Great! Luna and Twilight, please search the castle for these ghost ponies?"
"Sure thing, Princess Celestia, we will find who did this!"
"Otherwise, Luna is going to the moon LOL!!"
Luna and Twilight left Celestia's room to search for the ghost ponies.
"LOL ghost ponies. What are those anyway?" Celestia let out a loud laugh.
"I don't know but they sound scary", responded Fluttershy.
"I actually wrote about the ghost ponies, I made them up."
"So it was you the whole time, Princess Celestia."
"Me troll? Naws, why, you mad?"
"No.. not me, Princess."
"But yea, I was the troll all along. It is amazing what you can get away with when you are the supreme princess. LOL!"
"Poor Twilight and Luna.."
"Nah, don't worry about them. Every other day, I am like "LOL LUNA YOU SCREW UP BIG TIME..I WILL SEND YOU TO THE MOON AGAIN LOL!!"
"The poor thing."
"The poor thing indeed, she can never be as awesome and badass as me!"
"So.. you are troll?"
"Yes, I am. Of course, I have to focus on more than trolling. Twilight Sparkle will become a good princess someday but I have to have fun once in a while, plus Twilight needs to lighten up. One more thing, Fluttershy."
"Yes."
"I have been watching you and I think you could be a valuable troll someday. You have potential and honestly you're a lot like me when I was your age.. timid, overly polite, kind, but very playful and good-natured. I hope you will consider joining the Equestrian Trolling Society. There, they call me Trollestia."
"I'll think about it.. but trolling doesn't seem kind at all.."
Twilight and Luna returned.
"These ghost ponies are so hard to find", groaned Twilight.
"Yes.. but please don't send me to the moon", said Luna with fear.
"Lol guyz! I am sorry, ghost ponies aren't real and I was the troll all along. AnimalsAreSoooooCute and TrixieIsBestPony were actually me. You both need to lighten up LOL!!"
"UGH!!!!!!!!", moaned Luna.
Author's Note
The End??
I hope y'all enjoyed the story!
I might do a Part II where Trollestia trains Fluttershy to become a super-troll.