My Friends Said Your Number Was Up!

     "C'mon. I try to say I'm sorry and you just won't forgive. What's wrong with you dweebs?" A angry griffon yelled. Ponies backed up while Rainbow Dash stood still.

     "Gilda this is not cool. You are just embarrassing yourself. If you can't accept my new friends, or any pony, just leave."

     "Cool? COOL?! None of you guys are cool. I'm surprised your stupidness hasn't caused your extinction yet." Before Gilda flew off into the air, she pushed over Applejack's apple stand and slapped anyone who was foolish enough to come close to her.

     "Is everypony okay?" The blue pegasus asked. The only casualties were a bunch of ruined apples and a pony scratched deeply on the cheek. She sighed. All of her friends' enemies kept showing up and cause harm, only to leave just as soon. There just had to be something done. Something...cruel.

     Rainbow Dash walked into Sugarcube Corner only to be met by Pinkie Pie eating a suspiciously red cupcake. "Pinkie, I need your help."

     "What? Those Nasty McNasty Pants bothering everyone again?" The pegasus nods. "How did you know?"

     "Everypony can clearly see. I have an idea. Just round up Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Twilight. Trust me."

     Sooner or later, the friends started filing in, except Twilight. Just as Pinkie was about to ask, a purple and orange blur sped past the doorway. Everypony waited patiently until Twilight Sparkle entered the doorway carrying a slightly damaged crown. "Sorry I was late. It's just that SOMEpony tried to steal my crown again. I'm just lucky I was able to stop her in time."

     "Sunset Shimmer?" The rest of the ponies of the room asked. The glare in the furious alicorn's eye caused a collective sigh through the bakery. Rainbow laid a list on a coffee table with all her friend's names on it. "This is why I brought you here today." She muttered, with the slightest bit of frustration in her voice. "All this problem is getting out of control. Because we are so nice to our enemies, they are taking advantage of us. Every couple of days we are met with a terrible disaster that we have to fix. Pinkie Pie here had an idea of what we should do. Let's have it!"

     "Well..." The earth pony whispered, trailing her hoof on the wooden floor. "It's kind of personal."

     "Don't be nervous Darling." Rarity said, wrapping her hoof around her shoulders. "You shouldn't keep secrets from us, we are all friends, remember? We won't think of you any less if you tell us."

     "Okie Dokie Loki then! It's something I have been doing for quite a while, probably a couple of years at least. Okay...these are why my cupcakes have been tasting so good. They're made out of ponies."

     "WHAT?!?" Twilight yelled, pausing only to catch a fainting Rarity and Fluttershy. "How are we able to even eat them? Our bodies would reject the flesh and muscle, and Celestia knows what else!"

     "Silly Twilight! That's because I cover up the taste and smell with so much sugar and sweets! Their bodies are my special ingredient, and their cutie marks are the decoration. That's only because the cutie marks don't taste so good."

     "But that's even better!" The white unicorn swooned. "Nopony knows what happens to them, and they will taste delicious! If you don't mind, may we help?"

     "Of course you can! Otherwise I wouldn't be a good friend. Follow me." The mane six walked down the steps to the basement, eager for some sweet revenge. "I have a number system used for seeing who shall be next, but since my bestest friends are in dire need, I can skip the system for now."

     As soon as everypony walked in, Pinkie quickly closed the door, hid the key, and turned on the lights. Rarity promptly vomited on the spot. Everywhere, just everywhere was blood and gore. Inflated pony heads and organs were decorated like balloons and intestines like streamers. On a table were a couple of pony heads, including Dinky's and the party hats on the heads were made out of their own skin. A couple of tanned pony hides were hanging on the wall, and written in blood was LIFE IS A PARTY. The worst part was a dress made out of different cutie marks, six pegasus wings sown on the back, and a necklace made out of unicorn horns.

     "Please don't let anypony know about this. Mr. and Mrs. Cake said I can have this basement to myself, as long as I keep it locked at all times. Now there are only five ponies who know about my little secret."

     "Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye." Repeated the mane six. Now the secret will be safe forever.

     "Here are all my tools for cutting and slicing. All of the special tools are in this corner. In case you need anything else, I will be happy to supply it!" Squeaked the giddy Pinkie.

     "First we need to plan it out, anypony that was a giant nuisance goes on our list. Lightning Dust is for me, I can't believe she nearly tried to kill you all." Said Rainbow Dash, still horrified that Pinkie cut up innocent ponies in her basement.

     "That was her? Well I never! Anyway, Blueblood and the Diamond Dogs are going on here. Blueblood as you obviously know, severely embarrassed me at the gala, not to mention ruining the whole night. The Diamond Dogs, if it wasn't for my quick thinking, I would have made me a jewel slave for the rest of my life in the mines." Moaned Rarity.

     "Well...Gilda was a giant jerk. I don't know what I did, but she was so mean to me!"

     Twilight comforted the sobbing pegasus. "Don't worry Fluttershy. You don't have to do this if you don't want to.  We'll make sure she will never hurt you or anypony again. If you would like, we can get rid of Iron Will and and Discord as well." As soon as she nodded, Twilight yelled "Rainbow! Put all three of them on the list!"

     Applejack was next. "Not many ponies mess with me, but ah' would say Flim and Flam. They tried to run me and my family outta our homes! They need a good butt woopin'.

     "And don't forget about me," Twilight retorted. "Trixie and Sunset Shimmer are the worst. I for one think they need the slowest and most painful deaths. Who's with me?" Silence filled the basement until Pinkie spoke up.

     "Oooh! Oooh! Don't forget about the Changelings. And Chrysalis! Remember how they tried to take over Equestria?"

     Twilight scoffed. "I think that that may be the hardest Pinkie, but we can try. Now...who should be first?"