Up the Creek
Chapter 1

Without a Paddle

“Now you behave while I’m gone, ya hear? And don’t let Tank push you around.” Rainbow Dash looked over to the airborne tortoise. “I don’t want you picking on Fluffy, Tank.” The tortoise opened his mouth and wheezed, about as much of a response as Rainbow was going to get. She turned back to her other pet. “And stay away from that Derpy mare, she doesn’t…”

“Rainbow DAAAAAAAASHHHH!” An irritating voice interrupted from outside her home.

“Pinkie Pie?”

“I packed your bags! Are you ready to go?”

Rainbow looked around, all of her belongings were still here. “What did you pack them with?”

“Candy…. Ooooooohhhh, and confetti.”

Dash sighed and face hoofed. “I’ll be out in just a sec.” She squeezed her second favourite pet. “Now make sure Tank gets fed every day.”

“Dashie! Are you talking to your cloud again.”

“No!” Rainbow Dash quickly tossed the fluffy white cloud aside. She opened and walked through the front door, slamming it shut behind her quickly so that Pinkie Pie couldn’t see.

“You WERE talking to him weren’t you?!” Pinkie said with a huge smile on her face. She was suspended by several helium filled balloons, her pink hooves skimming the clouds that made up Rainbow Dash’s home. Pinkie was also carrying some heavy looking luggage and a fire extinguisher that Dash guessed was used to propel herself.

“The therapist says it’s a good outlet okay.”

“I don’t care Dashie. Sometimes I talk to my pillow, or my lamp, or my socks, or my…”

“Just… stop, I get it.”

“Sooooooo… looking forward to your vacation?” Pinkie said, her smile getting even wider.

Dash returned the smile. “Yep! Just two weeks of me time.”

“Two weeks!? But I only packed one suitcase of candy!”

Dash pondered the statement. “How do you not have diabetes?”

“I just breathe really hard.”

“That doesn’t… what?”

“Well you see…”

“No! Forget I asked. Anyway, uhhh, thanks for packing for me, but I think I’ll be travelling light.”

“You don’t want my sweet candy?”

“Could you… phrase that in a less provocative way?”

Pinkie dropped the suitcase, scooting forward and hugging Rainbow Dash tightly. “I’m going to miss you Dashie!”

“I’ll miss you too Pinkie, but you know, I just need some me time.”

“Make sure to write!”

“Sure, of course I will.”

Pinkie let he Pegasus go, tears in her eyes, she could barely speak through her sobbing “And take lot’s of pictures *sniffle*”

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes “It’s only two weeks Pinkie, relax.”

Pinkie Pie’s expression instantly brightened “Two weeks!? Oh I thought you said something else, two weeks is okay then.”

“What did you… no, never mind. Bye Pinkie Pie.”

“Bye Dashie!”

Rainbow Dash took off like a bullet, leaving a rainbow contrail behind her, she stopped after a few seconds, hovering above a small river, which she landed beside. Rainbow Dash produced a small inflatable raft which she quickly inflated and threw into the slow moving river. The mare jumped onto the raft, laying on her back and sighing as she closed her eyes.

“Umm… Dashie?”

Rainbow opened her eyes, Pinkie Pie was standing at the bank of the river.

“Has the holiday started?”

“Yes.” Rainbow responded in an agitated tone.

“I thought you’d be going, you know, further.”

“Nope.”

“So does that mean we can…”

“Let me just cut you off right there Pinkie. Right now I’m on holiday, I’m on holiday from work, I’m on holiday from Ponyville…”

“But Ponyville’s right over…”

“I’m on holiday from family, from pets, from Scootaloo, and I’m also on holiday from friends.”

“Ooohh, okay.” Pinkie said, disappointment clear in her voice. “I’ll just be really quiet then.”

“No Pinkie Pie. Ponyville needs you.”

“But…”

“No, you can’t shirk your responsibilities for me Pinkie Pie, it’s not fair for Ponyville. Also I heard there’s a cotton candy eating contest or something.”

Pinkie gasped and her face was split by a massive smile. Where pinkie was standing less than a second ago, there was now only a pink blur that led back into Ponyville. Dash sighed and closed her eyes, finally getting to relax. As she floated gently down the river, straddling the border between consciousness and sleep, Rainbow Dash couldn’t help but feel some guilt. The image of Pinkamena kept forcing it’s way into her mind, her straight hanging pink hair and down trodden facial expression bludgeoning Rainbow Dash’s feelings.

Was it really selfish of me to shun Pinkie like that?

Yes.

Gee, thanks a lot sub conscious.

No problem, but actually I’m your super conscious, not your sub conscious.

Pfft… that’s not a real thing, you just made that up.

How would you know? You dropped out of high school.

Low blow Super Conscious Dash, low blow.

Whatever, just wake up before the tiger eats you.

Huh?

Rainbow Dash opened her eyes, a pair of predatory eyes with narrow, feline pupils looked back at her. The Pegasus screamed, she shot up into the air, away from the massive tiger that was standing on the bank of the river, her tiny raft had become lodged in the silt. The enormous predator looked up at her.

“Get out of here!” Rainbow Dash shouted. “Shoo, before I kick your flank!”

“Wait, I’m not really a tiger!”

“Huh?”

“I’m two ponies in a tiger suit!” The tiger reached up and removed it’s head, revealing a brown stallion, the tiger costume split in the middle, another stallion having made up the rear quarters of the tiger.

“You mean we’re two ponies in a suit.” The second stallion retorted.

“Oh shutup Phil!”

“What the hell is going on!” Rainbow Dash cried out. “Why are you two in a tiger suit!?”

“Why are you not in a tiger suit?”

“You’re an idiot Jim.” Phil responded.

“You’re mother’s an idiot!” Jim replied.

“We’re brothers… idiot.”

“Both of you shut up down there!” Rainbow Dash took a deep breath to calm herself, and took in her surroundings. They were in some sort of thick jungle, the tree canopy stretched up to almost a hundred meters. Dash was fairly certain she had never been here before. “Where are we?”

“The jungle.” Jim answered. Phil face hoofed.

“Which jungle?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“We don’t know.” Phil responded. “We’ve been lost for… a long time.”

“In a tiger suit?” Dash raised an eyebrow.

“There are predators around, but they won’t attack a tiger.”

“So you found the tiger suit AFTER you got lost?”

“It’s a REALLY long story.”

“Whatever, so I guess you don’t know how to get back to Ponyville?”

“Not the faintest idea I’m afraid.”

Rainbow Dash looked back up the river. “Well it stands to reason that if I came up the river, that I can just follow it back home. You two stay here, I’ll go get help!”

Dash flew off like rainbow colored missile, quickly disappearing from sight. Phil sighed “Three, two, one.”

Dash appeared again, flying in from the other side of the river.

“Uhh… what?” She said, confused. “Did I just fly in a circle.”

“Oh yes, the jungle is quite mad you see, impossible geometry and all that. What? You really don’t think we haven’t tried following the river?”

“NOOOOOOO!” Dash cried out, flopping to the ground. “I’m going to be stuck here FOREVER! Why me!”

“Yeah, you’re the only one who’s lost in the jungle.” Jim rolled his eyes.

“Some people are so self-centred.” Phil added.

“You two aren’t helping.” Rainbow hissed.

They’re right though, first Pinkie Pie, now this.

“SHUTUP SUPER CONSCIOUS DASH!”

Rainbow stomped a hoof on the ground. Suddenly she felt very alone. She looked around, The two ponies and their tiger suit were nowhere to be seen.

Where did they go?

Maybe they were just a figment of your imagination.

Wouldn’t YOU know?

Yes, but I’ll never tell.

I hate you.

Author's Note

Just had this wacky idea for a fic. Don't know how long it will end up being. Please leave a comment, I know I'm not too great at writing but I'm always looking to improve! Hope you enjoy!