Up the Creek

by SFoxy

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy
Length: 2470

Comedy: Dash's long awaited vacation turns into a crazy adventure as she is swept away down the river.

Rainbow Dash has finally cashed in her vacation days and plans to spend it snoozing on the river, but gets swept away into a mysterious and crazy jungle from which there seems to be no escape. Wacky adventures and all out insanity await.

Published 2013-11-29 01:30:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-11-30 23:20:20 UTC

Without a Paddle

Up the Creek
Chapter 1

Without a Paddle

“Now you behave while I’m gone, ya hear? And don’t let Tank push you around.” Rainbow Dash looked over to the airborne tortoise. “I don’t want you picking on Fluffy, Tank.” The tortoise opened his mouth and wheezed, about as much of a response as Rainbow was going to get. She turned back to her other pet. “And stay away from that Derpy mare, she doesn’t…”

“Rainbow DAAAAAAAASHHHH!” An irritating voice interrupted from outside her home.

“Pinkie Pie?”

“I packed your bags! Are you ready to go?”

Rainbow looked around, all of her belongings were still here. “What did you pack them with?”

“Candy…. Ooooooohhhh, and confetti.”

Dash sighed and face hoofed. “I’ll be out in just a sec.” She squeezed her second favourite pet. “Now make sure Tank gets fed every day.”

“Dashie! Are you talking to your cloud again.”

“No!” Rainbow Dash quickly tossed the fluffy white cloud aside. She opened and walked through the front door, slamming it shut behind her quickly so that Pinkie Pie couldn’t see.

“You WERE talking to him weren’t you?!” Pinkie said with a huge smile on her face. She was suspended by several helium filled balloons, her pink hooves skimming the clouds that made up Rainbow Dash’s home. Pinkie was also carrying some heavy looking luggage and a fire extinguisher that Dash guessed was used to propel herself.

“The therapist says it’s a good outlet okay.”

“I don’t care Dashie. Sometimes I talk to my pillow, or my lamp, or my socks, or my…”

“Just… stop, I get it.”

“Sooooooo… looking forward to your vacation?” Pinkie said, her smile getting even wider.

Dash returned the smile. “Yep! Just two weeks of me time.”

“Two weeks!? But I only packed one suitcase of candy!”

Dash pondered the statement. “How do you not have diabetes?”

“I just breathe really hard.”

“That doesn’t… what?”

“Well you see…”

“No! Forget I asked. Anyway, uhhh, thanks for packing for me, but I think I’ll be travelling light.”

“You don’t want my sweet candy?”

“Could you… phrase that in a less provocative way?”

Pinkie dropped the suitcase, scooting forward and hugging Rainbow Dash tightly. “I’m going to miss you Dashie!”

“I’ll miss you too Pinkie, but you know, I just need some me time.”

“Make sure to write!”

“Sure, of course I will.”

Pinkie let he Pegasus go, tears in her eyes, she could barely speak through her sobbing “And take lot’s of pictures *sniffle*”

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes “It’s only two weeks Pinkie, relax.”

Pinkie Pie’s expression instantly brightened “Two weeks!? Oh I thought you said something else, two weeks is okay then.”

“What did you… no, never mind. Bye Pinkie Pie.”

“Bye Dashie!”

Rainbow Dash took off like a bullet, leaving a rainbow contrail behind her, she stopped after a few seconds, hovering above a small river, which she landed beside. Rainbow Dash produced a small inflatable raft which she quickly inflated and threw into the slow moving river. The mare jumped onto the raft, laying on her back and sighing as she closed her eyes.

“Umm… Dashie?”

Rainbow opened her eyes, Pinkie Pie was standing at the bank of the river.

“Has the holiday started?”

“Yes.” Rainbow responded in an agitated tone.

“I thought you’d be going, you know, further.”

“Nope.”

“So does that mean we can…”

“Let me just cut you off right there Pinkie. Right now I’m on holiday, I’m on holiday from work, I’m on holiday from Ponyville…”

“But Ponyville’s right over…”

“I’m on holiday from family, from pets, from Scootaloo, and I’m also on holiday from friends.”

“Ooohh, okay.” Pinkie said, disappointment clear in her voice. “I’ll just be really quiet then.”

“No Pinkie Pie. Ponyville needs you.”

“But…”

“No, you can’t shirk your responsibilities for me Pinkie Pie, it’s not fair for Ponyville. Also I heard there’s a cotton candy eating contest or something.”

Pinkie gasped and her face was split by a massive smile. Where pinkie was standing less than a second ago, there was now only a pink blur that led back into Ponyville. Dash sighed and closed her eyes, finally getting to relax. As she floated gently down the river, straddling the border between consciousness and sleep, Rainbow Dash couldn’t help but feel some guilt. The image of Pinkamena kept forcing it’s way into her mind, her straight hanging pink hair and down trodden facial expression bludgeoning Rainbow Dash’s feelings.

Was it really selfish of me to shun Pinkie like that?

Yes.

Gee, thanks a lot sub conscious.

No problem, but actually I’m your super conscious, not your sub conscious.

Pfft… that’s not a real thing, you just made that up.

How would you know? You dropped out of high school.

Low blow Super Conscious Dash, low blow.

Whatever, just wake up before the tiger eats you.

Huh?

Rainbow Dash opened her eyes, a pair of predatory eyes with narrow, feline pupils looked back at her. The Pegasus screamed, she shot up into the air, away from the massive tiger that was standing on the bank of the river, her tiny raft had become lodged in the silt. The enormous predator looked up at her.

“Get out of here!” Rainbow Dash shouted. “Shoo, before I kick your flank!”

“Wait, I’m not really a tiger!”

“Huh?”

“I’m two ponies in a tiger suit!” The tiger reached up and removed it’s head, revealing a brown stallion, the tiger costume split in the middle, another stallion having made up the rear quarters of the tiger.

“You mean we’re two ponies in a suit.” The second stallion retorted.

“Oh shutup Phil!”

“What the hell is going on!” Rainbow Dash cried out. “Why are you two in a tiger suit!?”

“Why are you not in a tiger suit?”

“You’re an idiot Jim.” Phil responded.

“You’re mother’s an idiot!” Jim replied.

“We’re brothers… idiot.”

“Both of you shut up down there!” Rainbow Dash took a deep breath to calm herself, and took in her surroundings. They were in some sort of thick jungle, the tree canopy stretched up to almost a hundred meters. Dash was fairly certain she had never been here before. “Where are we?”

“The jungle.” Jim answered. Phil face hoofed.

“Which jungle?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“We don’t know.” Phil responded. “We’ve been lost for… a long time.”

“In a tiger suit?” Dash raised an eyebrow.

“There are predators around, but they won’t attack a tiger.”

“So you found the tiger suit AFTER you got lost?”

“It’s a REALLY long story.”

“Whatever, so I guess you don’t know how to get back to Ponyville?”

“Not the faintest idea I’m afraid.”

Rainbow Dash looked back up the river. “Well it stands to reason that if I came up the river, that I can just follow it back home. You two stay here, I’ll go get help!”

Dash flew off like rainbow colored missile, quickly disappearing from sight. Phil sighed “Three, two, one.”

Dash appeared again, flying in from the other side of the river.

“Uhh… what?” She said, confused. “Did I just fly in a circle.”

“Oh yes, the jungle is quite mad you see, impossible geometry and all that. What? You really don’t think we haven’t tried following the river?”

“NOOOOOOO!” Dash cried out, flopping to the ground. “I’m going to be stuck here FOREVER! Why me!”

“Yeah, you’re the only one who’s lost in the jungle.” Jim rolled his eyes.

“Some people are so self-centred.” Phil added.

“You two aren’t helping.” Rainbow hissed.

They’re right though, first Pinkie Pie, now this.

“SHUTUP SUPER CONSCIOUS DASH!”

Rainbow stomped a hoof on the ground. Suddenly she felt very alone. She looked around, The two ponies and their tiger suit were nowhere to be seen.

Where did they go?

Maybe they were just a figment of your imagination.

Wouldn’t YOU know?

Yes, but I’ll never tell.

I hate you.

Author's Note

Just had this wacky idea for a fic. Don't know how long it will end up being. Please leave a comment, I know I'm not too great at writing but I'm always looking to improve! Hope you enjoy!

Valley of the Dashes

Up the Creek
Chapter 2

Valley of the Dashes

Dash slowly floated along the river, sitting in her raft, eyes darting all about, cautiously watching for any signs of danger. She had decided the only way out was too press forward, follow the river to where ever it would lead her, sonce trying to fly out of the jungle hadn’t seemed to work. But as the sun creeped further and further towards the horizon, and the jungle pressed in on all sides, she started to regret her decision.

I’m not insane. I’m not insane. I’m not insane.

You kind of are if you think about it.

SHUTUP!

You can’t shut me up, I’m part of your mind… Well I guess you could drink a ton of shots and drop acid at the same time. That would shut me up, or give me super powers.

SHHHH! I heard something! In the trees!

Dash flared her wings out, ready to take off at the first hint of danger. She knew she heard something in the trees above. But it was gone now.

Look, Dash, I feel like this is partly my fault.

THERE! Something MOVED!

There was a flash of blue in the trees.

CHARLIE IN THE TREES! CHARLIE IN THE TREES!

Woah! Calm down. As your super conscious…

THAT’S NOT A THING!

Yeah well, how’s that high school diploma you don’t have?

Shutup!

Hey, you hurt my feelings I hurt yours.

I mean be quiet! I hear the noise again.

There was the faint sound of whispering coming from the jungle, Rainbow Dash’s ears twitched, trying to locate the direction of the noise.

“There!” She leapt into action, jumping off the raft and taking taking wing into the dimly lit jungle. The pegasus found her mark. She slammed full force into a hooded figure, knocking it on it’s back. “Let’s find out who’s been following me.”

Dash ripped back the hood, revealing… Rainbow Dash.

“What…” Dash was stunned.

Her doppelganger spoke up. “Don’t hurt me! I’m you, from the future!”

“The future?”

Dash’s future self stood back up on her hooves. “Yes, the future. I’m sorry for the scare. I had to make sure it was you.”

“But… How? What? When? Why?”

“All these questions will be answered if you just follow me.”

“Oh no!” Rainbow Dash responded. “I’m not moving until you tell me exactly what’s going on.”

“Fine, stay here then.” The second Rainbow Dash moved off at a rapid pace, weaving nimbly between the trees.

Damn! She outsmarted us.

Outsmarted you.

Rainbow Dash growled, before reluctantly following after her clone.

The two Dashes made their way swiftly through the jungles, on their hooves for around half an hour, before they came out into a clearing. Dash’s jaw dropped, there was a makeshift sort of village, huts, tents and small wooden structures scattered throughout the clearing, and to her surprise… maybe a hundred different copies of herself wandering around, cooking, cleaning, making repairs, or just lazing about.

“What… the… hell?”

“Come on. I’ll take you to the elder.” The second Dash led the way to one of the few permanent looking structures. There was a campfire in front of the wooden dwelling, and in front of the fire sat an ancient looking pony, clearly Rainbow Dash, but much, much older.

“I see we have a new arrival.” Old Dash croaked.

“You mean me?”

“Of course child. You must be very confused.”

“Uhhh, yeah. What the hay is going on?!”

“This jungle holds many mysterious secrets and wonders. Here, in this clearing, there is a tear in time. We are all you, but from different times. I was the first to find my way here clearly.” The elder Dash smiled and offered up a cup of water, which Rainbow Dash took up eagerly.

“So you’re all me?” Dash asked after gulping down the water.

“That is correct.”

“So I’m the newest?”

“Yes.”

“So that means I’m the youngest?”

Something prodded Dash’s leg, she looked down at a foal version of herself. “Hi I’m Wainbow Dash! I can fly weally fast!”

“Oh come on! That doesn’t even make sense. Wouldn’t I remember if I was here as a filly? FYI kid, stay in high school.”

The elder Dash spoke again “Listen, we have a very important mission for you.”

“Me? Why me? Why not one of the other BAJILLION dashes?”

“You and you alone are capable of completing this quest! You must journey down the river, find the temple of time and return to us the chalice of destiny!”

“What? None of this makes any sense! Not even a little bit.”

“If you cannot do this, we will all be stuck here… FOREVER!”

“This has to be some sort of joke.”

Like your education.

“Shutup Super Conscious Dash!”

“Did someone call me?” A Rainbow Dash from the crowd called out.

“No, she said SUPER Conscious Dash.”

“Oh okay then.”

“GUH! I’m going insane here.” Rainbow Dash cried out.

“Go forth on your quest youngest Rainbow Dash.” The elder spoke again.

“You mean me or her?” Dash pointed at the foal.

“You, obviously, why would we send a foal to the temple of time?”

“What… you… shutup! Don’t turn this around on me! I’m not crazy! You’re all crazy! Stay away from me!” Dash ran away, heading back towards the river at top speed.

“Yes! Run… go forth on your quest Rainbow Dash.” The village watched as Rainbow disappeared between the trees. The elder smiled. There was a flash of magical light around her, when it subsided, a changeling was standing in her place. The rest of the Dash copies followed suit, revealing an entire village of changelings.

“Haha, new record.”

One changeling crossed Rainbow Dash’s name off a list. “Okay, that’s four down, next up is… Trixie Lullamoon, says she’s a showmare. She should be here in forty minutes.”

“HAHAHAHA… oooh this is going to be fun.”

Meanwhile, back at the river, Dash continued floating down the river in her tiny raft.

Okay… So did that really happen? Or am I crazy?

Well we know you’re crazy, you’re talking to yourself and getting a response.

Dash growled.

When we get back home, we’re going to see a psychiatrist again.

Is that a threat?

Yes… yes it is.

Author's Note

thewalkindude - Not really going anywhere with this fic, for now it's just a disjointed series of random wierd ideas that I have (Possibly in an acid induced stupor), maybe if this fic really picks up steam It'll gain an overarching plot of some sort. Anyway thanks for the feedback! :D