For Queen and Crazies

by Mcstuffins

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Berry Punch, Changelings, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Romance
Length: 13916

Ponyville's resident glassblower always was a little strange.

Four years ago, a changeling infiltrator found himself alone, and with no signs of backup. He followed the emergency protocol, stuck to the rules, and weathered the storm. With the proper application of patience, discipline, and heavy drinking, the years practically flew. Now the end is in sight, and it's safe to say that there's hardly any story left to tell, right?

Yeah, I thought so too...

Published 2013-12-01 08:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-10-13 05:04:10 UTC

Another Round

Four years, four blasted years, and I still couldn’t stand that mare’s shouting. Every single day with the dragons, and the parasprites. What qualifies her to run around town yelling about that kind of stuff, shes a librarian! Anyway, after having my mid-afternoon nap interrupted by a certain lavender loon, I managed to drag myself out of bed. Just a few more months, I thought hopelessly, then, it’s straight back to the cavern.

I aimlessly shambled down the hall and into the dimly lit living room, making the executive decision of not potentially blinding myself via opening the shutters. Afterall, I wouldn’t want anypony peeking in on me naked. ...Did that really apply to ponies? Might as well get some breakfast while i’m up, I thought dully. My body was quickly washed in green flames, changing chitin for a grey coat, and my eyes and mane became an amber color; I was now ‘Diffused Reflection,’ the glass blower. I cracked open the door, and let my eyes adjust. Taking my first tentative steps outside, I took off towards my favorite place to grab some lunch, the park.

My mouth was nearly watering by the time I got there; just the thought of a lovestruck couple, or a family picnic was enough to get my stomach...thing grumbling. In fact, I was so focused on the park, I forgot that my disguise had no reason to actually BE there. Yet more executive decisions were made. Using my complicated and mysterious methods of ‘change all of the colors!’ I disguised myself as a local resident, and continued my hunt. Fear me, the mighty green unicorn; your benches have been conquered!

Once I finished my elegantly crafted, oh-so complicated plan, composed entirely of sitting on my plot and staring at nothing, I managed to scrounge up some emotion from the ponies around me, while simultaneously making the Bench Mare look like a huge creeper. Sorry Minty, I thought, whilst metaphorically stroking my metaphorical cat of metaphorical evil, looks like you’ll have to...sit this one out. I know, i’m a wizard when it comes to puns, so don’t feel too jealous. Time to head out to work.

Just a few more months.

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Another day, another successful operation; I suppose. Now, it was time to unwind after that exciting day of staring at sculptures and not making a single sale. Contrary to popular belief, changelings are completely capable of eating and digesting conventional food sources, luckily for me, this meant I had a genuine reason to visit one of the few ponies I could actually speak to without gagging on the inside, (don’t ask me how the whole food thing works, I always assumed it was just black magic; perhaps a complex system of trapdoors…?) Anyways, I arrived at the bar early, so I would have to deal with other patrons. After quickly changing back into my disguise's ‘skin’ in an alleyway across the road.

I approached the front door of the slightly run-down looking bar, and counted my bits. Confirming that I did indeed have enough money to stay and drink for a while, I entered the building.

“Evenin’, anything I can get for ya pal?” Spoke a slick voice, belonging to a stallion standing behind the wooden counter. The whole building had a rustic look to it, but certainly wasn’t what I would call a shoddy bar. I honestly couldn’t remember what dragged me here the first time, but I hadn’t come to regret it.

“Uh, you alright kid, or are ya just gonna stare at me all night?” He asked with a smirk you could hear. I realized that I had attracted some attention from various grizzled ponies at the counter. Stepping into the light, I responded.

“Just here for the usual Lucky, you know the drill.” I still remember the first time we met, he told me I had a ‘tired look’ about me.

“Always buisness with you, Diflex, I remember the laughs we used to share.” He said, jokingly.

“Yeah, yeah, cry me a river you old softy.” I said; a smile adorning my face as I seated myself at a booth. I decided to scope the place out while I waited for my order. Generally speaking, so long as you didn’t bother anypony here, you could drink in peace and go home stumbling and slurring like an idiot.

Apparently, this mare hadn’t gotten the memo.

“Uh, h-hello there! I was wondering if I could take a seat.” she said trace amounts of hesitation in her voice. From what I could see in the dark, she had a shocking pink coat, and a burgundy mane. Every other booth appeared to be seating at least two customers, and she did look like she needed a strong drink.

“...I suppose you could.” I said, trying to convey the ‘I don’t want to talk to you’ message as lightly as possible.

“Thanks, sorry for the bother, i’m new here.” She gave me a sheepish grin. I rolled my eyes at that. She sat down, and not long after, Lucky arrived with my drink in tow.

“A bottle of Everfree Vodka for the fine stallio- oh! Whats this, Diflex; finally get a special somepony?” Lucky said with a sly grin, eying my ‘guest.’

“Oh shut up, you. I trust my ever-so experienced bar-tender didn’t forget my glass?” I said, returning the grin when I saw his smug expression drop right off his muzzle.

“Uh...of course not! I’ll just be a moment, I think I hear my pride calling!” He said, rushing off to the counter once again. The mare across from me was looking at my drink; shock written across her face.

“You drink a whole bottle of that stuff by yourself!?!” She asked in a hushed yell, trying not to bother the booths around us.

“You talk this much to every stranger you find?” My voice was starting to betray more annoyance than i’d like.

“Well...no, it’s just tha-”

“If I let you drink some of this, will you stop talking...please?” I interrupted. She looked like I had bucked her in the face.

“I-I guess so.” She said, sounding hurt. Great, now I feel awful for asking. A sigh escaped my lips, as I rested my forelegs on the table.

“Look, I didn’t mean anything by it. Can we just quiet down a bit miss…” I trailed off, hoping to catch a name, and not a slap from the mare.

“Berry Punch. S-sorry for all the noise, I wasn’t really thinking straight.” She said with a weak laugh. I nodded, deciding that she wasn’t all too bad in comparison to some of the other nutjobs here.

“Diffused Reflection.” Hearing the name come from my left, I looked over to see Lucky giving me a disapproving look. “You aren’t scolding this fine lady here, now are ya?” He asked, pouring Berry a drink from my bottle before I could get a word in edgewise.

“Diffused Reflection? That’s a bit of a mouthful.” Berry added, looking toward me with a confused look as Lucky hoofed her the glass.

“Thank you, Lucky. Now if you would kindly blow it out of your a-” I spoke through clenched teeth.

“Don’t ya get cross with me, mister. I won’t stand for ya yappin’ at such fine customers.” I certainly didn’t appreciate the interu- is he flirting with Berry?

“Oh, he really wasn’t sir. I came in and bothered him first.” She said, not so much humbling herself as she was defending me. I was starting to like this mare, and strangely enough, I think Lucky was doing it on purpose.

“Didya now? Because, I seem to recall this stallion tellin’ you to shut yer yapper straight to your face ma'am, and I won’t stand for it!” He said, very obviously exaggerating now; going as far as using hoof gestures, and intensifying his accent.

“Alright Lucky, I think it’s about time you ‘shut yer yapper’ as you so eloquently put it.” I stood from the booth, and swiftly made my exit. Realizing that I had forgotten my bottle half way across the road, I decided i’d rather go home sober tonight. This whole town was absolutely insane, and I think it was starting to rub off on me; for some strange reason, I couldn’t stop thinking about that mare.

Confound these ponies, they drive me from drinking!

Author's Note

First chapter of my first story EVAH! So, my question to all you sexy readers is this, ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED!?!?!
Seriously, how was it? More of this, less of that, stop sucking, etc etc. Thanks for any and all feedback. Please keep in mind, i'm really just trying to refine my writing style, so i'm starting VERY basically. Remember to turn off the stove, damn you; I can't make you all cookies if you keep burning my house down!

Special thanks: I'd like to thank another author on this site, ShadowFlash, for accidentally inspiring me to throw letters at my computer screen. Seriously, go rub your eyes all over his work, it feels very nice.

See you guys next time! (Hopefully)

Prismatic Plights

I woke up the next morning with a start, realizing something odd. It was Saturday, so why wasn’t I in the head-splitting clutches of a hangover? Panic quickly set in; it’s not natural, I shouldn’t be able to think without my head throbbing on Saturday. Something happened last night, more importantly, I didn’t get to drink last night. It was that mare… uh, B-Bachelor Paris or whatever.

I was willing to bet she took my drink, after all, she didn’t even have the common courtesy to say goodbye after I stormed out of the bar. Someone that inconsiderate would obviously take advantage of poor Lucky while he tried to… I dunno, clean something. I’m fairly certain that I know what happened last night, it went something like this.

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“Good day to you, Lucky. I would like your finest liquor please.” I said eloquently, whilst dusting off my shoulder to keep my suit in prime condition.

“Lemme just dust off the old janglers and i’ll fix you up a proper pippity sipper right quick. How goes the good skeezer dingly donger this time of the year chap?” Lucky said, trying to form complete sentences through his thick accent; bless him.

“Yes.” I replied simply, opting to go for the simpler approach for his sake. He gave me a great beaming grin, and began to pour me a drink. My ears twitched dangerously, prompting me to quickly throw myself and Lucky to the ground to avoid the massive explosion from the far side of the bar. A squad of ninja ponies quickly poured into the breach, led by none other than…

“It is I, Brandy Pinch. Surrender your drinks to me, and prepare to be boarded!” She said, completely disregarding the fact that she had already ‘boarded’ the bar; how unprofessional.

“How’s about we forget about the drinks, and head back to my place.” I said, waggling my eyebrows seductively. Of course, she immediately threw off all of her ninja clothes out of an uncontrollable lust.

“Rats, foiled again by Diflex’s boyish good looks, and charming personality.” She said, flailing her forelegs at the sky for emphasis.

“Don’t feel ashamed, no mare can resist.” I said truthfully.

and then they had sex

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Sometimes, I have to reign myself in and say i’m not that good, but deep down I know...that I am that good. Well with that out of the way, I began to dress myself for the day. Grey coat, amber eyes and mane; I always found it strange that ponies identities were based around their colors. I suppose i’m a little biased though, seeing as all changelings looked practically identical. I exited my bedroom, and made my way to the front door.

My eyes were instantly assaulted by bright, colorful houses and ponies bustling with energy. In the distance, three fillies could be seen crashing into a stall full of apples; I resisted the urge to giggle maniacally at their antics. I don’t hate everything about these ponies, seeing their strange culture of smacking solid objects at high velocities was actually quite interes-

“Hey, over here!” Somepony yelled from the crowd, waving frantically. I looked around for a second before gesturing to myself with my head cocked; this was...unexpected. “Yeah you!” She shouted, the rest of the crowd was starting to take notice. I covered my head slightly, and began to approach the stranger.

“Listen, I don’t know what this is about.” I began, giving the mare a frustrated look. “If you were looking to place an order on a sculpture, you’ll have to wait until Monday.” I took a seat at the table she was sitting at. We appeared to be at some sort of outdoor restaurant.

“Oh, um, I was just hoping to return this.” She said quietly, pulling a bottle of vodka from her saddlebags and placing it on the table.

“...Do I know you from somewhe- wait, you’re that mare from the bar, uh, Barley Hunch, right?” I said, my brain still working to recognize the alcohol.

She gave me perhaps the flattest stare in history, “It’s Berr-”

“Wait, you saved the vodka?!?!” I nearly shouted, giving her an incredulous look. Who passes up a free bottle of alcohol that isn’t potentially poisoned? We were definitely getting some stares now, and the few parents around didn’t look all too happy.

“Yes, I ‘saved’ the vodka.” She said, her previous shyness wearing off as she realized the level of stupidity she could be dealing with.

I didn’t need to hear another word, I quickly tackled her with a hug so fierce there was a good chance it’d hospitalize her. You may be asking yourselves why a changeling would ever hug a pony, and it may have to do with the fact that I was just a tad bit attached to drinking. Don’t get the wrong idea here, I did it for the vodka, I always do it for the vodka.

Alright, now we were getting some VERY awkward stares.

“Was any of that really necessary?” She asked, venom dripping from her voice as she shot metaphorical daggers at me, (and possibly physical daggers, if I didn’t stop smirking at her from across the table.)

“Do I look like the kind of stallion who hands out unnecessary hugs in public?” I asked, holding my precious bottle protectively.

She sighed, “I seriously need to move out of this town.” The exasperation in that statement creating a pit in my chest, as the relation to my own predicament became all too obvious.

“You and me both ma’am.” I said dejectedly, regaining some composure and dropping the smirk from my face. The restaurant around us was beginning to fill up with customers, and the staff was becoming much more active in their struggle to accommodate the new crowd.

“Morning to you sir; ma’am.” Said a voice belonging to a well dressed waiter, emerging from the flock of new arrivals. “May I have your orders?” He asked politely.

“Actually, I was just leaving.” I said matter-of-factly, standing up from my cushion.

“What's the matter?” The mare, whose name i’d yet to pin, asked.

“I’m afraid I didn’t bring my bit-bag with me, sadly.” I answered, turning around and preparing to leave the now bustling courtyard.

She rolled her eyes, “Just take a seat, it’s on me.” She said casually. My eyes bugged out of my head, causing her to snicker.

“Uh, well alright then...I guess.” My voice betrayed my confusion. Was she being serious right now? Regardless, we both ordered sandwiches, and the waiter ducked out of our conversation to give us some privacy. My raised eyebrow was enough indication that I wanted answers to her strange ‘change of heart’.

“You didn’t expect me to just let you go; I have questions of my own, afterall.” She said with a new air of confidence. This mare was very on and off with her little bouts of courage.

“Listen, uh…”

“Berry Punc-”

“BERRY PUNCH! So that’s your name.” I knew it, I was just teasing her before; obviously. Of course, I did just yell it out overenthusiastically in a public place.

“Are you going to make a job out of embarrassing me?” She said, very quickly rethinking her decision to ‘interrogate’ me.

“More of a hobby, to be honest.” I said cheekily, while simultaneously preparing to dodge silverware, should the need arise. She continued to ask questions throughout the meal, whilst I continued to divert every single one into an unrelated topic. I guess some of our insurgent training paid off. I remembered my instructors old motto: every spoken word will have a price; only trade what you bargained for. Very good advice, even if the guy was a total nut.

Overall, Berry learned nothing, I got a free lunch (that served no purpose other than tasting good), and now it was time to head out for something that would actually keep me from starving. The normally busy streets of Ponyville were quiet, and I could’ve sworn I saw a tumbleweed at some point.

“What do we have here?” Said a horribly familiar voice from behind me; near silent wing beats breaking the silence around us. I should’ve known that she’d show up, seeing as the little stalker liked to catch me alone.

“Get over yourself, the whole ‘dramatic entrance’ thing got old a very long time ago.” I said, resisting the urge to split her in half.

“Wouldn’t want my favorite resident parasite getting bored now, would I?” She said, while I silently prayed that she’d choke on the arrogance in her tone. "I've been chasin' you all day, wasn't hard, you stick out in a crowd like a purple changeling."

What does that even mean!?!?

“I don’t have time for this.” I huffed, “If it’s all the same to you, Miss Dash, i’d appreciate it if you gave me some space; my doctor says i'm allergic to glorified pigeons.” I left her fuming in the middle of the street, and she certainly didn’t deserve any better.

One of these days, Dash, one of these days...

Author's Note

HAHAHAHA
You guys didn't think i'd make it, didya?

Regardless, happy holidays everybody! I hope you all have a very merry Christmas, consider this my gift to you. If you don't celebrate Christmas, then just consider this a 'Happy New Year' gift. I hope you enjoyed, and if you didn't, then feel free to tear my face off in the comments below.

(Don't actually tear my face off, it's expensive.)

Sense, Sensibility

Sense, Sensibility

Like a true soldier, I marched away from the obnoxious conspiracy theorist while muttering about all the horrible ‘accidents’ I could arrange for her while she makes her way home...or whatever hole it is that she lives in. Honestly, who was she to call me a parasite?! That’s like demonizing a bunny for all the carrot orphans it creates when it devours the citizens of a helpless garden. Admittedly, my comparison of ponies to vegetables is probably one of the many reasons why my only friend is a bartender who probably can’t understand his accent any more than the rest of us. Moral of the story, I am most definitely the good guy here.

Now, time to prey on the emotions of the weak.

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Yet another uneventful feeding hour, I’m starting to hope someone catches me in the act. Not because I want to get arrested and thrown into a dungeon, I just really want to justify punching somepony in the face. The sun had already set, and so I took a few sips from the bottle of vodka. No, I don’t have a drinking problem...don’t judge me. I was beginning to stumble a bit, as I continued to empty my precious bottle. Just on the edge of my hearing, the quietest of clacking noises reverberated from a nearby alley, like somepony had kicked a pebble on their way down the passage.

Stranger yet, the disturbance was followed by an obvious shushing noise, which sounded even closer. Somepony had gotten very close to me, and they didn’t want to be heard; even my inebriated mind knew what was happening. I took one long pull from my bottle, before hiding it away. Everything around me had gone silent as I passed the alleyway. Very suddenly, two earth ponies came charging out of the alley, with a unicorn in tow. The front two stallions looked to be the brawn, while the unicorn mare was likely going to assist them with magic from behind, should things get ugly. Luckily for her, things were about to get very ugly.

“Lovely evening, isn’t it?” I said, my mock friendly tone was low, and caused the two stallions to cast confused glances at each other.

“You seem a might bit confused, mister.” The green one standing to my right chuckled darkly, “We’re gonna need you to drop yer bit bag for us, understand?”

“Hurry up, dammit!” I noticed that the obnoxiously vulgar blue stallion to my right was carrying a small blade; if I kicked him in the shoulder hard enough, I might dislodge it, effectively disarming him.

“Listen, how about we just forget about this little ‘misunderstanding’ and go home with all the limbs we left with?” My silly threat obviously aggravating the two, I couldn’t see the unicorn from here, but I assumed she was standing somewhere behind the two idiots in front of me.

“Screw this!” The blue one yelled, charging me with his knife high above his head; was he seriously going to attack like that?

“This outta be good.” I muttered, waiting until he was within range. The gap closed quickly, and the stallion brought his knife down in a big slash. It was easily dodged with a sidestep to the right, and I used my momentum to continue turning until my hind legs lined up with his shoulder. Releasing the kick, my buck landed roughly near the joint, causing it to pop. He collapsed to the floor, yelling obscenities as he went.

Next was the green stallion, who had used his partners distraction to get close. His left hoof made contact with my jaw, and I reeled in pain. The punch had taken me by surprise, and I was already regretting it. A second blow to my face had my muzzle bleeding profusely, my previous cockyness was gone. He may have had strength, but I had the cold and calculating gaze only changelings could achieve. The pain was taking it’s toll, and my disguise was flickering. One final punch to my temple forced Diflex to evaporate into green flames; I wasn’t a pony anymore.

Well...crap.

“Sweet Celestia!” He shouted, quickly pulling away from my larger, more imposing frame. This is not what I wanted, the fight needed to end quickly. Luckily for me, my old military training worked much better when I was actually using the body I trained with. The stallion was quickly whipped off his hooves, and into the unforgiving cobblestone with a nasty crunch by a quick flick of emerald green magic.

The unicorn mare was panting furiously, her pink coat matted down and unkempt. I was picking up some heavy duty enchantments on the now unconscious green stallion, which wasn’t too surprising, considering she wasn’t hurling spells at me throughout the brawl. What was surprising, however, was that the enchantments were not guarding from physical trauma, but instead, were guarding his emotions, which neatly explained how he managed to surprise me. However… that had some very, very bad implications. They had known about me before they tried to mug me, and had made preparations to do so.

My unwavering blue eyes narrowed in contempt for this mare, they already knew I was a changeling. The green stallions reaction to my disguise dropping likely meant that they weren’t actually educated on how changelings work, or more importantly, how they fight. The mare was pinned to the wall behind her with my magic clamped on her throat. I wasn’t in the mood for toying with these three, all traces of mirth or hilarity were gone from this little scuffle; I needed answers.

“Who was the idiot that put this little show together, girl?” I asked calmly, my inner soldier struggling to balance brutality with necessity.

“U-up yours, parasite!” She muttered darkly, practically leaking fear and saturating the area around me with the stench of anxiety.

I gave off a low growl, but necessity overtook brutality. I released her from my grip, causing her to cough and hack on the floor. If she wasn’t going to talk, i’d have to search for evidence on the thugs.

“That’s it, huh, no torture session; no monolog about your master plan?” She said with a huff from her position on the ground.

“No, but i’ll give you a message to send back to whatever cult you belong to, girl.” I said, giving her a bright smile, before whacking her over the head with my foreleg. With all three unconscious, I quickly began working on a memory wiping spell while looting the two stallion's, sadly meaning that the only message would be the bump on her head.

“Oh, hell.” I whispered, feeling glad that I was just drunk enough to keep me from screaming in frustration. Now that the situation had calmed down, I realized that I had practically just beaten three civilians into the dirt. I was supposed to be undercover, I was supposed to be hiding from arrest and execution!

...I was supposed to be the good guy.

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Those three won’t remember tonight, but they will be very sore when they wake up in the alley. Hopefully, I could forget tonight too, even if it meant drinking myself to sleep in my own home. By the queen, what would Lucky think about this; what would Berry think think?!

Collapsing on my bed, I took a huge pull from the bottle, draining it completely. I had to see somepony, just to take my mind off of things. It would have to wait until morning, I would have to spend the night with myself. Chuckling weakly, I began to sing a little tune I picked up a while ago. I covered my face with my forelegs, still clutching my bottle, and curled up into a ball on the bed.

Author's Note

Well that was certainly...darker than what i'm used to. In case I hadn't mentioned this before, this is still a comedy at the core, so don't worry, it isn't going to turn into a blood bath or anything crazy! Well, i'm off to my cave to hibernate once more, hope you enjoyed the more...sober tone.

PUUUUUUUUUUNNNNSSSSSSSS

Luckiest of Loyalties

Luckiest of Loyalties

Morning.

It’s finally morning, more importantly, it certainly isn’t last night. I groggily sat up in my unkempt bed, groaning from the unholy mixture of head trauma and drinking an entire bottle of vodka because my liver isn’t capable of melting. Of course, I don’t actually have a liver, so that helps too. My skull was making it very clear that it wanted some serious changes in my lifestyle, but I wasn’t going to risk missing out on game night just so we can ‘spend time together’. On an unrelated note, SWEET SAUCY SHIPPING I’M IN PAIN!

The bed creaked unhappily beneath me as I sat up, and began to crawl down the hallway like a depressingly slow cart crash completely devoid of any explosions, or orphans… or exploding orphans. Daggers of pain stabbed through my already waning focus, and for a moment, I just stared at the spots forming in my vision. Regaining my senses, I pulled my limp body into the quaint little kitchen, all the while contemplating whether or not alcohol actually could have given me some of the nastier effects it has on Equestrians. I still had to go to work today, and the very thought was enough to get my head pounding even harder. Honestly, I should’ve just gotten mugged, this is at least ten times worse.

Clambering to my hooves, I used a countertop to stabilize myself, and began scanning the room. There wasn’t much here, aside from the short, undecorated hallway leading to my bathroom and bedroom respectively, all I had was the kitchen, and the living room connecting to it. A small sofa was located in the alcove in the floor, which housed the rest of my useless little loveseats I never used, ironically. I prefered the high ceiling, it gave me a nice feeling of the old flying space that existed inside the cavern. Luckily, the windows were closed, giving the whole house a dim, drunkard-friendly look, and immediately reminding me of the throbbing in my head. I really needed to see somepony, as much as I hate their presence, I’d rather not focus entirely on the searing pain. So off to work, I suppose.

I’ve got a weird relationship with glassblowing. Sure, it’s really quite boring at times, but it helps me clear my mind whenever I mercilessly beat civilians and blow my cover at the last possible secon-

“Ignore that thought” I murmured unhappily, a bead of sweat slowly forming on my brow. My horn was busy superheating glass into a moldable form, the red hot mass slowly growing tendril like appendages from the base. A group of three ponies at the counter watched, idly ‘oohing’ and ‘aahing’ as the glass was inflated with air being pressed into surgically specific areas, much like a blowpipe, which is used by earth pony glassblowers. At last, a small, translucent tree stood proudly before me, refracting light into a small rainbow, and reminding me of a certain local nutjob.

“That was a fantastic sight, Mr.Reflection.” Said the stallion, standing in front of what I assumed to be his wife and daughter. “You’ve got quite some talent!”

“Uh...much appreciated.” I said quietly, nodding my head as carefully as I could to both acknowledge his compliment, and keep it from falling off my shoulders. His daughter continued to ogle the little tree as I placed it on the counter, admiring the small twigs and grooves I crafted.

“Daddy, look at the tiny bird!” She squeaked adorably, pointing a hoof at the robin I had absently sculpted onto a branch, and forgotten about. “What should we name him?” She asked with her head cocked to one side, seemingly vibrating in place with childish vigor. The father gave his daughter a smile, and rolled his eyes.

“How much will that be then?” He asked, we exchanged bits for the sculpture, then he exited, beckoning his family to follow. The foal stayed for just a few brief moments after her mother had left.

“I’ll name him ‘Defeathered Reflocktion’, so he’ll always remember you.” She whispered, giving me a great beaming grin, and a wink before she ran off. I just shook my head and smiled sadly at the door. The pain had died down a bit, and I was finally regaining some of my senses.

“Thanks, kid.” I sighed, knowing full well it would go unheard by all but myself. The store grew quiet once again, I had nothing but my thoughts, and a childish pun to distract me now. Yet strangely enough, the pain in my head receded, if only for just a little bit longer.

Well, time to face the falsely slurred, accented music. The door opened with a near silence, adding to the dread that I was struggling to suppress. I wasn’t particularly scared of Lucky, but over the years we had built a steady comradery, and I wasn't keen on jeopardizing it. I raised my left hoof, took a deep breath, and knocked on the door frame.

“What’s this then?” A muffled voice shouted from the doorway behind the counter. “Oi, we don’t serve nopony afte-” Lucky stormed into the main room, his small rant cut short once he got a proper look at me.

“M-mind if I sit down.” I asked, realizing that I had started to shake the second I heard Lucky yelling.

“Uh, course not.” He said softly, letting the accent slip into his less ‘extravagant’ voice. I occupied the nearest booth, laying back in the comfortable seat and sighing, I waited for him to sit down as well. “Ya look great there, Diflex.” He said, patting my shoulder as he slid in across from me.

“Listen, Lucky, you never...slipped any info in a drunken stupor or anything, right?” I asked, ignoring his sarcastic quip. His eyes immediately shot open at that.

“...The hell did you just ask me?” His low voice sounding more akin to a growl. I looked him in the eye, my own expression struggling to match the ferocity of his.

“I mean, maybe you got a little tipsy, and shared a tiny fact or two abou-

*CRACK*

I flew out of my chair as his left hoof connected with my muzzle, and landed painfully on the wooden floor. Before I could react, I was pulled off the floor and pinned to the wall by my throat, much like that unicorn in the alley. His right foreleg was pressed against my neck, holding me to the wall and barely allowing my hind legs to touch the ground.

“You ever so much as think about something as stupid as that again, and i’ll split your damn head in two.” He said, and to be perfectly honest, I didn’t doubt that. I had only seen Lucky like this once before, I think the stain was still barely visible on the corner of the bar.

“Listen, I didn't mean it like t-that.” I wheezed, yanking on the offending leg in an attempt to free myself. He unceremoniously dumped me on the floor, before yanking my head up to look me in the eyes.

“Now then, what in Luna’s name made you think that?” He said, the 'head-splitting' hostility fading out of his tone. I was trying my hardest to respond, but my head was swimming with pain, and this time, it wasn’t a hangover. He rolled his eyes at my dazed expression, and pulled me back up into the booth. “Well then, get talkin’ fast, ‘fore I have to smack some more sense into ya.”

I explained the whole situation, detailing as much of the fight as I could clearly remember. Finally, when I finished, we got to the real kicker.

“We can explain all this off, ‘Flex, with enough time. So whats with all the betrayal talk?” He asked, rubbing his muzzle in exasperation.

“Lucky.” I started weakly, struggling to find the right words, “They...they had emotion wards protecting them beforehoof.” Was all I managed to get out. His narrowed eyes opened in surprise, as he slowly sat up straight in his seat.

“By the All-Maker, you can’t possibly mean…” I cut him off with a stiff nod, my cover burned away in emerald green flames, illuminating the gloomy bar. We truly met eye to eye once again, for the first time in months. My chitin shined brightly from the contained fire, before dimming to it’s usual dulled black. He merely shook his head, cradling it in his forelegs as he realized the implications.

“Maybe they were the only ones, you said you wiped em’ after they were down and out, yeah?” He asked hopefully, ears perking up at the thought.

“Maybe they weren't, Lucky, that's the problem.” I said solemnly, although I seriously hoped that I was wrong, for once. We both sat in silence for a while, basking in all the shades of screwed we might be. “We’re a strange bunch, huh?” I asked humorlessly in an attempt to kill the somber atmosphere.

“Least’ I don’t look half as ugly.” He said, chuckling weakly. I gave him an irritated hiss, shaking my head at his obviously inferior pony ranking system.

“I’ll have you know I was quite the prize back in the hive!” I said in mock offense, willing to put up with any of his antics to get off the topic. No we weren't fixing anything, but honestly, we didn't have to until it posed a real threat. Procrastination is a truly magical thing. Giving him a big, fanged smile, I stated in the most eloquent voice I could manage, “Oh, and Lucky?”

“Yeah, ‘Flex?” He responded, giving me his full attention.

“...Your emotions taste like piss.”

*WHACK*

The second smack was totally worth it.

Author's Note

I don't even know why I write author's notes, it's not like anyone actually makes it down here...

Sorry for the weird fluctuation of quality in this chapter, it was written in a bunch of tiny segments at different times, which may throw some of you off. Any typos, plot holes, criticisms, or complaints will be gratefully received in the comment section. Once again, thanks to all of you for bothering to give up some time to read this, it's super crazy to think that I have an audience, no matter how small.

Next chapter: Diflex learns the true meaning of Christmas

Morgenholz

The next morning came with all the ease of a concussed stallion, because for all intents and purposes, I was a concussed stallion. No that metaphor did not make sense, but neither do taxes, and much like this strange tale you still deal with them once a year anyways. Regardless of being assaulted by my strange bartending friend with obvious daddy issues, I still had a business to run.

“Less monologuing, more cart pulling.” I muttered sourly, enjoying the breeze that had brought a moment’s respite from the sun’s scornful, and most likely pervy gaze. Seriously, what kind of creep stares at ponies from the sky for hours on end? A cold chill of foreshadowing crept down my spine, reminding me that pegasi most likely make up the majority of perverts in this country. With a heave, I continued to drag my cart full of glasswares and such down the dirt road, enjoying the sight of a blue sky and rolling green fields.

Of course, I took great care to ignore as many greetings as possible from the numerous ponies making deliveries as well. Although, try as I might, not even I could ignore the adorable smile and pastry offered to me by the mailmare, whom had made a tradition out of silently delivering muffins to me whenever our routes intersected. She was easily my favorite. However, she was not the only pony who would recognize me along the way.

“You know, there’s something to be said about a colt who hauls his own deliveries.” Berry said teasingly, trotting up from behind and matching my pace.

“There’s also something to be said about strangers who leer at your ass until they think of something clever to say.” I responded, keeping my eyes firmly locked on the road ahead. Instead of the expected embarrassed stammering, she merely giggled.

“One or two seconds doesn't count as leering, besides, it isn't much of a prize anyway.” She scoffed, which was actually kind of hilarious coming from the shy little mare I had only met a few days ago. We continued down the path in relative silence, at one point Berry even decided to climb inside my cart to ‘inspect my cargo’ as she put it. I nearly kicked her in the throat to protect myself before realizing that she was talking about my glassware, and most likely just wanted to escape the heat. She had caught me on my last delivery luckily, so the extra weight wouldn't really bother me...physically at least. “Wow! How do you bend glass like that?”

“Well, I practice a lot by melting down the corpses of anypony who touches my stuff during a delivery.” I said cheerfully, prompting a little yelp from Berry. Her head poked out from the cover and glared at me.

“You are evil.” She said, slowly dragging out ‘evil’ while she pulled back into the cart. I rolled my eyes at that, and briefly considered dumping the whole cart in a river somewhere.

“And you have gotten unpleasantly more talkative.” I said in a joking, but completely truthful manner. A small cropping of trees surrounded the road ahead of us, beyond was the cottage of the Element of Kindness herself. I’ll admit, I was terrified at first to deliver anything to one of the faustforesaken bearers a few years ago, but they really aren't all that scary. Hell, some look small enough for me to beat in a one-on-one fight, honestly. Did I mention that this delivery would be a lot easier if it wasn't for the sun and it’s inappropriate staring?

I finally got some shade when a rogue cloud blocked out the big glowing creep. We had just passed between the trees when something...peculiar happened.

“Hey Berr-” I began to call, looking at the rapidly darkening cloud overhead. Suddenly, a deafening boom rudely cut me off, followed by a flash. Lighting zipped from the cloud, and stuck the tree next to me, making an awful *SNAP*. The blast itself was enough to sweep me off my hooves, and leave my ears ringing. Groaning, I pulled myself off the ground, and shook my head to dispel the confusion. The sound of creaking wood grabbed my attention, and I noticed with dread that the tall, skinny tree was going to fall directly on the cart, and me by extension

Come on, come on! If the harness doesn't come loose, I can kiss four years of hard work, and an entire lifetime of servitude to my hive goodbye. Weighing the options, my hoof finally decided that making a nice little red stain in the forest is far too mainstream, and so the harness was unlatched and pulled from my shoulders. Now all that was left was to get clear and I was golde-

“BERRY!” I yelled, sprinting back underneath the looming shadow of the tree and simultaneously reconsidering what shape I’d like my stain to be. I saw her poke out from the back of the cart, struggling to pull the situation together in her head no doubt. Running for all I was worth, I came around the side of the cart and ripped her out of the back before she could ask anything. I threw her fiercely out of the way, making the grim realization that I hadn't cleared the tree’s path in time. As she finished rolling, her eyes locked onto mine from her position on the ground.

I’d love to say that I smiled heroically; that I gave her one last look of courage to punctuate my annihilation. Instead, in that brief glimpse I had caught, I gave her one final thing to remember me by: I whimpered, and then she screamed. This was going to suck, wasn't it?

There was a sudden weight in the dead-center of my back, a *CRASH*, and then pain. More pain then I had ever thought possible; an endless torrent of white-hot agony lacing every inch of my spine. I couldn't speak, nor cry out, the great weight on my back began to numb as my body began to fail. It would never stop, that was the last thing my mind produced, and it was the understanding that I wouldn't see an end to this pain in my lifetime. These last few seconds would be torment, and then, nothing.

In summary: yeah, it sucked.

Author's Note

Funny story about this chapter, I was about half way finished when I suddenly realized that I hated everything about it, and so it was rewritten from scratch. I originally planned on having Berry break into Diflex's house for reasons of friendship and alcohol as per usual, but that didn't conform to her personality all too well, so it was scrapped. I seriously don't understand how you bunch of readers can wait long periods of time for some mediocre, and even downright shit chapters.

Y'all is a bunch of crazies, I hope you know that.

With that out of the way, I wonder how Diflex is gonna feel after all of this? I'll be very disappointed if he isn't preforming acrobatics within the hour.
Good day to you, crazies.

Icebreaker

There are few things painful enough to not only make me want to scream, but completely cut off my ability to do so. This easily fell into that category, because although I could still hear the blaring ringing noise, everything else was quite silent. Maybe if I just pawed at the dirt in front of me, I could crawl out. Then I could go home, curl up, and rot in my bed for a few years. Yeah, that sounds nice, i’ll just-

“O-oh…” The sleek, chitinous forelegs hovering in front of my vision were a decent reminder of exactly what happens when a changeling encounters severe bludgeoning. Even the vibration caused by that simple statement sent ripples of pain along my sides, which may or may not have been a punctured lung… I think I have lungs, at least. That was a question for another day, however, because ‘near-death’ is not the proper attitude for a biology lesson. I weakly tried to pull myself to freedom, but only managed to dig pathetically shallow trenches in the mud whilst whimpering like a puppy mere seconds before it is punted through a window. A sudden thump rang out from somewhere in front of me, and I weakly scanned around for the source.

There lying on the ground a few feet away was the strange, purple ball of bipolarness I called Berry Punch. Judging from the look of pure shock and horror in her glassy eyes, she had fainted out of terror. And although this would be completely hilarious under any other circumstance, I could actually bleed to death internally because she forgot to breathe deeply and count to ten. Not the worst way to go, I suppose. So long as you ignore the lack of feeling in my hind legs, and the intense agony basically everywhere else, this is actually rather comfortable. Maybe it would be best to relax, and think about the situation at hoof.

Yeah, i’ll just put my head down for a bit, that sounds nice. Even my eyelids agree, a tad bit of rest never hurt, right? The mud greeted my face kindly, but I was already asleep before I hit the ground.

The jet black cavern walls echoed with the continuous drone of buzzing wings. Not a single drone looked out of place as we approached the crowd gathered in the massive chamber. The air above us was absolutely brimming with small dark figures darting in and out of the cavities covering the walls, each one lit with a dim green light. The armor clad guards were scanning the massive congregation of changelings, and picking out grubs from the crowd.

One such guard approached me, “You there!” He bellowed, “Come with me.” He reached out to pull me onto his back, but something tugged me away.

“W-wait…” a feminine voice spoke hesitantly, and I turned around to see yet another changeling; certainly female, judging by the voice. “Don’t take him, please!” She pleaded, her voice betraying hesitence to stand out against the guard’s orders.

“I am entrusted by the queen herself with this mission ma’am,” he said tersely, “and by my eye, he looks plenty old enough.” Without another word, I was torn from the stranger’s grasp. She screamed out at the guard, begged for my release, and finally began sobbing as I was flown off into the cavern. The last thing I saw was her face, for one brief moment.

And not a single thing distinguished itself; I never knew that changeling.

Something jerked me awake, though I had no idea how. Last I checked, I was bleeding to death beneath an oversized toothpick with a fetish for broken bones. And as strange as that thought was, the next thing I saw was even stranger. Berry Punch, looking frazzled, had a stick pointed at my muzzle. Well, not really a stick, more like a twig.

“Where’s Diflex, and why did you eat him!?” She shouted nigh hysterically, emanating more terror than the previously mentioned puppy as it was punted through a window. On an unrelated note, I really wanted to try that.

“Ueghhhhhhhh.” I said eloquently in response, attempting to rub my eyes, and then realizing that my forelegs were tied up. My head hung limply, and looking down at my abdomen, I could see that somepony had dressed my various wounds with bandages. I must’ve landed on something sharp when the tree hit me, because my stomach looked like a patchwork quilt.

“Uh… O-okay, that doesn’t answer my question though!” She said less ‘enthusiastically’.

“It’s not what it looks like...?” I said lamely

“Not what it-” she sputtered, “you’re a changeling!” I winced at that.

“You don’t have to yell…” I muttered, visibly wilting as the pit in my chest grew. Stress really does tend to turn me into a pansy, doesn’t it?

“J-just shut up for a second!” She demanded, pacing back and forth in the clearing. Why she thought it was a good idea to drag us both deeper into the woods was unclear.

“Let me explain, it’s not as bad as it looks.” I said, regaining some of my calm demeanor. The rope currently keeping me immobile was noticeably weak, it was only a poorly tied vine afterall. I immediately began to subtly work my hooves out.

“Oh no, I don’t have any interest in what you have to say.” She threw me a wicked glare. “Unless you tell me where Diflex is, you’ll be explaining this to the guards.” I blanched at that; guards didn’t hold any love for changelings, and not in an ironic way either.

“Dammit Berry, don’t-” I started.

“I won’t, so long as you tell me where he is!” She interrupted, waving the twig in my face for dramatic effect.

“-make me do this.” I finished with an unamused huff. She assumed I was begging before I even started begging! She raised an eyebrow at that.

“Do what exactl-” My foreleg shot out faster than she could comprehend, and just like that, the twig was in the other hoof. I held her forele- you know what? Let’s call it an ‘arm’, the whole ‘foreleg’ thing is too Equestrian for my taste. Anyways, I held her arm in a vice, slowly rising from my position on the ground until I towered over her.

“Doesn’t feel good being cut off in the middle of a threat, does it?” I asked casually, tearing the twig from her grasp and hurling it over my shoulder in one smooth action. “Now then,” I said, standing almost a full head taller than Berry, “I think you need a few pointers on when you should, and shouldn’t drag a tied up stallion into the woods.” Alright, that was a little more creepy than I’d like it to be. Her mouth opened and closed sporadically, like an alcoholic fish with no time for the kids, because he’s a fish and they don’t generally have much free time to begin with.

“Diflex is fine, a little banged up, but fine regardless.” I answered cooly, feeling like a total supervillain, with a cape and robotic eyes. Her expression quickly filled with anger, the same kind not available to robotic eyes like mine, one I shall nickname ‘The Shooty Look’.

“What did you do to him you parasite bastard!” She yelled, reminding me that I had good reason to have cowered from this mare just moments ago. A few birds scattered from the canopy, chirping their displeasure at commuting at this time of day.

“Well, a tree fell on him first of all, and then he was tied up and interrogated with a stick.” I deadpanned, unsure of whether or not I should be angry at this point. She gave me an incredulous look.

“Right, and I’m sure he’s secretly a prince too.” She said, glaring at my ‘apparent’ attempt to lie.

“Infiltrator, actually,” I said with a touch of pride. “It’s considered one of the highest honors back in the hive.”

“And what a fantastic example of elitism you are; defeated by a tree.” Her sass was not to be trifled with. I glared at her menacingly.

“I. Am. Diflex.” I emphasised each word for extra… Emphasis, I guess.

“Prove it.” She said, returning the glare. I stared into her eyes a second longer, then quickly scooped up sand from an anthill in my magic. Our angry staring contest continued as I superheated the clump of sand. With a mildly complex, and familiar spell, the newly created glass molded into a sculpture, and finally…

“Nice to meet you,” I said pleasantly, the small shot glass hovering between us, “my name is Diflex.” Her anger subsided slightly at that.

“How… I thought changelings couldn’t replicate talents?” She said, pupils contracting into pinpricks as I spoke softly, almost whispering.

“We can’t.” And that was all it took, she collapsed onto her rump and started to hyperventilate. I laughed softly at her reaction, momentarily forgetting the severity of the situation. “And now that you know the truth…”

“W-wait,” She gasped, “Please don’t hurt me, I didn’t know!” She raised her arms in defence, prompting me to raise an eyebrow.

“I was just going to suggest that you keep quiet about it…” I said, grinning down at her.

“...I hate you.” She muttered darkly, dusting herself off as she stood once again.

“Why, whatever would you say that for?” I asked in mock distress, fighting back another grin.

“You’re a thief, and a brute.” Her statement gave me pause, causing me to cock my head. I suppose she had a point, but at the same time, I had to disagree.

“Are you familiar with ‘The Cookie Thief’ by Valerie Colt?” I asked, dredging up the memory from an old mission long before the whole wedding fiasco. Her ears perked up at the name, and she reeked of nostalgia; a slightly bitter odor that tended to linger for awhile. Then, she began to recite it, strangely enough.

“A mare was waiting at a train station one day
With several hours left in her long stay
She hunted for a book in the station’s shop
Bought a bag of cookies and found a place to drop
She was engrossed in her book but happened to see
That the stallion beside her as bold as could be
Grabbed a cookie or two from the bag between
Which she tried to ignore to avoid a scene
She munched cookies and watched the clock
As this gutsy cookie thief diminished her stock
She was getting more irritated as the minutes ticked by
Thinking "If I wasn't so nice I'd blacken his eye"
With each cookie she took he took one too
And when only one was left she wondered what he'd do
With a smile on his face and a nervous laugh
He took the last cookie and broke it in half
He offered her half as he ate the other
She snatched it from him and thought "Oh brother
This guy has some nerve and he's also rude
Why he didn't even show any gratitude"
She had never known when she had been so galled
And sighed with relief when her ticket was called
She gathered her belongings and trudged away
Refusing to look back at the unpleasant display
She boarded the train and sank in her seat
Then sought her book which was almost complete
As she reached in her baggage she gasped with surprise
There was her bag of cookies in front of her eyes
‘If mine are here’ she moaned with despair
‘Then the others were his and he tried to share’
Too late to apologize she realized with grief
That she was the rude one, the ingrate; the thief.”

She smiled sadly, sighing as the poem came to a close. “My mother used to read it to me before bed, anyways, why do you ask?” She asked after an extended silence between us. The hostility ebbed out of her tone, and for a while, we were just two friends discussing a fun little rhyme.

“Thieves though we may be, changelings are something else as well.” She looked at me with genuine curiosity, silently asking for an answer.

“We’re starving, and you aren’t.”

Author's Note

Better?
Worse?

I dunno, I personally liked writing this chapter. It was pain to get a suitable draft, and I had to scrap it entirely at one point. Still, the final product is... Satisfactory for my tastes. The poem took a little bit of tweaking, but it adds a nice touch (IMO). I hope it was worth the wait, as I always do; we've still got plenty of questions to answer. I know you're all dying to know who could've POSSIBLY patched up Diflex while he was unconscious?

These are the questions that keep me up at night.

http://www.simplybeing.org.uk/index.php/poetry/90-the-cookie-thief-by-valerie-cox (Link to the lovely poem by Valerie Cox.)

Time Flies

“Y’know, for a secretive and professional type of fella, I’m starting to think that maybe ya drink a tad too much on the job,” Lucky chuckled, leaning over the booth with a small grin on his face. I glared up at him from my seat, and pushed the mug away, spilling some of the frothy drink. Lucky rolled his eyes with the same grin on his face, as he cleaned off the table with a rag.

“And for a crazy, treacherous Equestrian, you still manage to come off as the most generic bartender on the planet. I bet your parents only named you Lucky in the hopes that you’d sell them cheap booze when you inevitably came to own a bar.” I matched his hard stare with my own, and for a moment, the empty bar was filled with an uneasy silence. It was quickly shattered by our collective laughing, as he took a seat in the booth.

“I can’t never beat ya in a pissed off staring contest if ya don’t got no pupils,” he picked the mug up from the table, and took a swig, “and by the way, somethin’ tells me my mum didn’t care too much ‘bout what she named my sorry bum, I hardly even knew the mare. That goes twice as much fer the ole’ man, seeing as I never actually saw his face.”

“Yeah, I can relate…” He looked up with a slight air of concern, setting the mug back down and sliding it to me.

“Still havin’ that crazy flashback dream thingy are ya?” I gave a small nod, staring down into the froth.

“Same one every night, and I still don’t know who that changeling is! I swear I feel like I should know her every single time I’ve seen her, ever sinc-

“-Yeah yeah, I know the story. Ever since yer little mishap with the girlie out in the woods.”

“Would you stop saying it like that?!” I responded a little too quickly, still refusing to look up. A small silence ensued before Lucky spoke up again.

“Three months is an awful long time to worry ‘bout someone ya hardly even knew, Flex.” I opened my mouth to retort, but found no words to say. When I finally found my voice, I looked up from the drink, and spoke.

“...Hell, you're probably right,” his ears perked up at that, “I would love to know who she was hiding from, or even where she got these magical leg braces but…” I trailed off with a low sigh, and wisely decided to finish off the mug before I started to think clearly.

“Does it really matter?” I stopped half way through the beer, and gave him a sideways glance, “you’ve got yer legs workin’, and whoever these shady door-knocking fellas are, they still ain’t technically yer problem.” He made a good point, and yet regardless of any logic, I still felt a strange tinge of… Something. I set the mug down again, which was seriously unnatural for me, and stood up from my seat.

“Thanks for the advice Lucky, you can finish the drink. I think i’m gonna head home.” I walked to the shoddy wooden door, and enjoyed the familiar sound of it’s creaky hinges as it opened. The feeling of the cool night air, or rather lack of feeling reminded me to burn into my disguise before stepping through the portal and out into the sleepy village. The only sound to accompany the crickets was my own hoofsteps on the cobblestone road. I traversed the various paths as if it were second nature.

The braces clacked unhappily, but I managed to tune them out awhile ago. And although it made me feel a tad cowardly, I tried my best to avoid alleyways as best I could. It was funny really, as much as I couldn’t stand living in this hole of a town, I don’t really know if I could ever adapt to life in the hive ever again. And yet, the recall was so close I could almost smell it. Regardless of any adjustment issues, there was no way I would waste four years of rebuilding just to stay here.

My self reflection was cut short by a quiet, almost inaudible sound overhead. It was the sound of feathers whistling through the air. Immediately, I took off down the road, but it was only a few blocks away and quickly getting closer. Whoever it was, they were exercising restraint in order to keep their sound level to a minimum, the tactic was commonly known amongst the hive as a ‘dead-beat’ referring to the dead silent beating of wings. Of course, if my pursuer had any training at all with the technique, I wouldn’t have heard them until it was much too late.

My breathing was quick, and yet still paced as I nimbly threaded between streets and even alleyways, deciding that non-lethal techniques would not apply to anypony who attempted to mug me whilst I ran. Between one of said alleys, I could see the entrance to my humble dwelling, and quickly changed directions so as to capitalize on the shortcut. I made a mental note of the newfound alley, and if I survived this little encounter, I would be sure to use it from now on whenever I was returning from the bar. The deft wings taunted me from above, now directly on top of me as I made a mad dash for the doorway. I reached out for the door, grasped the handle in my magic and-

A small thump sounded behind me, no more loud or imposing than that of a bag of flower falling on the ground, and yet it honestly terrified me. The door stopped glowing, and for a moment, the only sound in the entirety of the town was heavy panting from myself. Of course, I would love to believe that there wasn’t also the sound of panting breath behind me, but that wouldn’t really conform to the reality of the situation. Sand began to gather at my hooves, and glow a very dim red unbeknownst to my… guest. As it just started to take shape, she spoke up from behind me.

“H-hey… long time no see, huh?” She said weakly, and I immediately spun around. All she got out was a small ‘eep’ before the glass blade pressed against her windpipe.

“One. Good. Reason.” I growled, my voice so low she had to visibly strain her ears to hear it.

“What do you want me to say?” She half asked, and half pleaded.

“I’ve not got the slightest idea, but for your sake,” I offered the tiniest grin, “It better be pretty damn convincing, Dash.”

Author's Note

LOOKS LIKE WE GOT A KNIFE FIGHT!
I wonder if this'll turn out badly for someone...

Nah, probably not.

[EDIT: Also, credit to whoever inspired the glass knife thing.]

Overdue

Overdue

I wasn’t going to kill her, that much was obvious. Even in her panicked and vulnerable state, I imagine Dash knew it too. Honestly, I didn’t have a clue what she was doing here, and my curiosity nearly lead me to asking. Luckily enough, she spoke up first, giving me just a tiny bit more time to act all dangerous and scary towards an Element of Harmony.

Small victories and all that.

“Look I know we’ve had our… Differences,” she started carefully. “I mean, you’re still a huge gross bug thingy, and I would TOTALLY kick your flank right now.”

“But?” I inquired, finally withdrawing the blade and levitating it idly by my side. The crickets made their presence known as she frantically looked about, as if searching for just the right set of words.

“I… I need your help.” My eyes trailed off at that, blinking absently as my brain started chooglin.

“Come again?”

“I need your help.”

“C’mon, i’m not a batpony here, can you speak u-”

“-I NEED YOUR HELP!” She yelled, a pained look on her face as if the words themselves hurt to speak. I was quite taken aback at that, honestly she could’ve screamed at me that the Queen had four heads, or that Equus circled the Sun and I probably would’ve looked at her with the same expression. My eyes began to darken as I glared at her, hoping to find some trace of betrayal or dishonesty.

“...What game are you playing at, Dash?” I finally asked, prompting a look of genuine desperation from the mare.

“I’m serious! Look, I know it sounds completely crazy but you gotta hear me out.” Funnily enough, I could actually feel some sincerity in her. But there was a reason she wasn’t the Element of Honesty, and at this point trusting her with anything would be a foolish mistake.

“I think i’d much rather go inside and beat my head against the wall for around 40 minutes, but I appreciate the offer.” Was I being overdramatic? Maybe a little bit, but it was absolutely worth the look on her face. Finally, a little payback for all these years of torture (or at least mild annoyance). Realistically speaking, she never was much more than a headache, but my contempt for her grew nonetheless.

“You don’t have to trust me, just give me a few minutes.” She spoke, adamant in her demands and very quickly losing her begging attitude. Not that it made much difference to me, as the brasher she got, the more likely she’d be to slip up and reveal her true intentions. Alarmingly, the neighbor’s house lit up, likely somepony on their way to investigate the commotion out here. I never actually bothered to learn my neighbor’s name, but I could already feel a growing hate for them as they forced my hoof.

“Shhhh,” I pointed towards the now glowing windows, “just get inside and shut up for a second!” Finally retreating into my home, I nearly burned out of my disguise reflexively before realizing how unbelievably stupid that would be. Dash followed close, and quietly closed the door behind her. I was EXTREMELY uncomfortable with having her in here, as I was with most ponies, but with any luck I could kick her out and lock the door as soon as the coast was clear.

“Now can I explain myself?” She asked in a harsh whisper, squinting across the dark room at me as her eyes adjusted to the lack of moonlight.

“Sure! Just wait for whoever’s outside to leave and whisper your explanation through the mailslot in my door.” I returned sarcastically, wandering over to the kitchen in the hopes of finding something to drink in the midst of an admittedly terrible night.

“Stop being such an idiot! This is all your fault anyway, the least you could do is help me fix this mess.” I paused at that, but quickly regained my momentum.

“I don’t know what it is you think I owe you Dash, but i’d rather be caught dead than doing you a favor.” I angrily slammed through cupboards, there had to be some liquor SOMEWHERE in here!

“Can’t you selfish bugs think about anyone other than yourselves for five seconds?!”

“WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!” Something snapped, and it wasn’t just the cupboard door as it broke off it’s hinges. A hush fell over the both of us, and although my eyes were buried into the little wooden door splintered at my hooves, I could feel her gaze on me. I even had the decency to feel a little bit ashamed, if you can believe it. Ever so slowly, her hoofsteps approached me. Stepping over the wooden shards scattered here and there on the cold tile floor, she stood not far from my side. My breaths were heavy, laden with exhaustion and an extreme desire to be anywhere else.

“You really are one of them, aren’t you?” She wasn’t really asking, but still my chest froze as I heard her speak those words. My muscles tensed as I prepared for the first strike, I could practically see every wasted year I spent here slipping away when she spoke. “That doesn’t matter right now, though.” Now that was surprising coming from Dash. I gawked as I looked over at her, both terrified and impressed with how quickly she reversed this situation.

“What do you want from me?” I asked, my voice hoarse and defeated.

“Like I said, I want your help.” Again, as far as I could tell that both sounded and smelled truthful. She looked on at me with determination, finally breaking me down.

“Anything in particular?”

“They took Berry Punch, Diflex.” My eyes shot open, my previous self-pity forgotten as I hung onto her every word. She actually smiled at that, reaching over and placing a comforting hoof on my shoulder.

“We’re gonna take her back.”

Author's Note

IT FEELS DAMN GOOD TO BE BACK.

The whole chapter was god awful, but in my defense I wrote it in one night because I just randomly found the drive to get it done I guess.

Big thanks to Drakasin, theguysayshi, and Bobalcove for being cool and shit.
Probably would've given up writing by now if it wasn't for them.

Change Lingers

“Not one word Miss Punch,” I growled. She chuckled softly, but kept her mouth shut otherwise. Apparently that tree was seriously jealous of my ability to walk, and decided to put an end to my flaunting once and for all. I only just learned that my hindlegs were staging a strike a few moments ago, when I tried to follow Berry out of the clearing in an uncomfortable silence. Long story short, I fell flat on my face, and she had to carry me back down the road… On her back.

“Hows the ride so far? I could get you some snacks if you’d like, maybe even an in-flight meal.” She chirped in a tone obviously meant to annoy me, and while I hate to admit it, she was nailing it.

“That doesn’t even make any sense,” I groaned, “we’re on the ground!” She looked over her shoulder to give me a playful look.

“Well, I could always chuck you off a nearby cliff to fix that,” she said in an overly-friendly voice, “or you could stop poking holes in my jokes, and we’ll leave it at that.” And so I did, preferring to listen to the soft rustling of leaves rather than calling her bluff. After all, it’s better to be humiliated than falling to your death as I always say, and by always I mean never because that isn’t a situation you should be getting yourself into on a regular basis.

“Soooooo,” I started off awkwardly, wiping sweat from my brow as the Sun continued to leer creepily, “where exactly did you learn that old rhyme anyway?” My hindlegs dangled off her side, and obnoxiously bounced around as she walked.

“My mom used to read it to me before bed, said it had a nice moral or something.” She said casually. Strangely enough, I could feel a flitter of sadness in the air for just a few brief moments. “How about you Cheese Legs; where did you pick it up?”

“Firstly, these ‘cheese legs’ could snap a fully grown pony in half if they were all currently working,” I growled, prompting an eye roll out of Berry. “And secondly, I don’t give away information on any past experiences that may jeopardize-”

“What, exactly?” She asked, “will it jeopardize your not-so-secret mission to let a little mare like myself know where you heard a poem?” I blinked at that. She made a good point, but that doesn’t mean I have to agree with it.

“I suppose it wouldn’t, now that you put it that way…” She grinned, “but, it would jeopardize my ability to annoy you by being overly-secretive.” And just like that, the grin fell right off her muzzle. I probably shouldn’t enjoy teasing her as much as I do, but she just makes it far too easy.

And then I was dropped on my face… Again.

Regardless of Berry’s blatant overreaction, we finally cleared the trees. With nothing but open ground for miles in all directions, I guess it’d be best to get this out of the way now.

I quickly tapped her shoulder, “Berry, I’ve got some bad news for you.” Without stopping or turning to face me, she responded.

“If you have to use the bathroom, please wait until after you’ve gotten off my back.” I chuckled at that, and also at how uncomfortable this next part was going to be for her.

“Well, seeing as we don’t have any cover out here, and it’d be pretty weird for me to ride into town on your back looking like this…” Her eyes widened, as she realized exactly what I was implying.

“Oh no, no no no no N-” But it was too late. I gave her one last smile before my chitin caught fire. She immediately screamed, and bucked my still burning form off of her back. “You complete bastard!” I laughed hysterically; that was awesome. The gauze wrapping around my abdomen was far too loose for a colt’s tiny frame, and I wiggled out of it. Physical damage could be hidden by a disguise, so I looked no worse for wear. Actually, now that I think about it, where did she get the first-aid supplies from..?

“Berry!” I said in mock offense, “how could you say something like that to a colt?” When she finally pried her eyes open, she gasped at my new disguise. The coat, mane, and eye colors were more or less similar to Berry’s own, making us an inconspicuous pair to anypony who didn’t know her.

“H-how did you…” she rubbed her eyes, and shook her head in exasperation, “forget it, I don’t even want to know how a fully grown stallion-

“Changeling.”

“-Whatever, could shrink into a colt.” And with that out of the way, Berry continued onwards. Wait…

“Wait!” I shouted, “I’m still on the ground!” my little pale blue forelegs flailing uselessly.

“I know,” she giggled, “I just had to see you throw a tantrum before you changed back into a big creepy bug thing again.” I smacked myself in the forehead hard enough to slam my head into the ground.

“I will lay eggs in your basement if you keep up with this shi-” And that was about as far as I got before being practically thrown onto her back again.

“That’s a bad word mister!” She chastised, “do I need to get your father in here?” Now we were finally back in motion, and Ponyville was maybe a five minute walk from here. Little was said between us, as we passed by multiple weather ponies likely on their way to investigate the rogue lighting strike. Two particular pegasi broke from the group flying overhead, and came down to meet us.

“Hey Berry!” Exclaimed the twins in sync, as they landed on either side of us.

“Hey Flit-” she was immediately interrupted by the pegasus on our right, who gasped sharply.

“Look at this little guy!” She said excitedly. I had the strangest feeling that whatever was about to happen would suck really badly. For the next few minutes, I was very viciously cuddled by two mares whom I’d never formally met before, by the names of Flitter and Cloudchaser. I won’t share the details, but needless to say, I may have left with a few crushed ribs to match my paralyzed legs. Damn, these crazy pedophilic pegasi could probably turn hugs into a tactical CQC takedown. Berry excused us, saying she had to return her ‘nephew’ to a mysterious brother-in-law that neither pegasi had seen or heard of before. There was no way they would ever belie-

-And they totally bought it.

Luckily(ish), they were the only two who bothered to pay us any attention, and we made it into town with little interference. I had a good few questions to ask, such as why Berry would surround herself with lunatics like that, but they would have to wait. Passing by stall after stall in the marketplace, I only just realized that I had no idea where we were going.

“I have no idea where we’re going,” Berry said cheerfully, peering at the various wares on display. Sadly, it wasn’t considered ‘normal’ for colts to violently curse in public… or anywhere else, so I had to restrain myself.

“Maybe,” I said through gritted teeth, “we ought to go home before this gets any worse, auntie.”

She chuckled, “is it really that hard to pretend we’re related?” This mare was going to give me an aneurysm, I swear. Honestly, this whole situation is just bizarre when you think about it. Realistically, I should either be rotting beneath a tree, or in some sort of jail cell. A healthy silence ensued between us, as the uncomfortable idea of owing my life to this nutcase bubbled to the surface like a puppy whom had previously been punted out of a window, and now floated in a lake outside of said window.

When we finally made it out of the marketplace, and into the residential area, I found that maybe I should’ve been more specific when asking that we return home. As it was, the door Berry was currently unlocking was decidedly not my own.

“You do realize that when I said home, I meant my home.” She stopped fumbling with her keys for a second to look over her shoulder at me.

“Well I figured we could have a little interrogation here, to repay me for not-

“-killing me with a stick?” I asked with a raised eyebrow, which looks a lot less serious on a small colt I should add.

She giggled, “I didn’t try to kill you with a stick.” I rolled my eyes, but said nothing. Stepping inside the quaint little house, Berry finally ditched me on a small couch, and slipped into the kitchen to make some tea, strangely enough. With some time to myself, I took a moment to analyze the last few days, and how strange they’ve been. It all started with those idiots in the alley, who I still haven’t heard from. I was expecting a much larger reaction from Ponyville as a whole, but those three seem to have just… vanished. They knew who I am though, and if they were sent by somepony else, it could be a serious problem.

When she finally emerged from the kitchen, Berry had a tray precariously balanced on her snout with two mugs onboard. She set them down on the coffee table adjacent to the sofa, and pulled up a small pillow on the opposite side. From her position, we were more or less at eye level now, as I didn’t dare drop the disguise and risk being spotted by anypony who bothered to peek through a window.

“I suppose we’ll go back and forth with questions to keep it fair,” I nodded at her suggestion, prompting her to continue, “so, how long have you been hiding here in Ponyville?”

“Four years.” I had already predicted that she would start with something along those lines. She nodded at that, and took a sip of her tea.

And then promptly spit it in my face.

“FOUR YEARS?!” She shouted, eyeing me like the corpse of a puppy that’d been pun- yeah you get the joke.

“Meh, you get used to it.” I lied, wiping tea from my face, “forget about that though, I think we ought to get to the real question here: why didn't you turn me in to the guards when you had the chance?”

She huffed, “No need to thank me or anything…” I glared at her as hard as I could with these tiny adorable eyes, “Alright, alright! It was because of the little ‘stunt’ you pulled when the tree was about to kill us; nopony else that I know would've done what you did if it meant risking a hair on themselves to do it.” Try as I might, not even I could figure out what drove me back to save Berry, but it sure wasn't heroism.

“...Sounds like you need some new friends.” She laughed darkly at that, shaking her head and looking off into nothing.

“I wouldn't call them friends, Diflex… Can I still call you that?” I shrugged, and nodded my head. She smiled, and looked down into her mug, as friendly silence flooded the room. It was short lived, however, as somepony pounded on the front door. Her content expression shattered, and panic filled the room with an unpleasant odor.

“I take it from your reaction that I should be going?” She said nothing, opting to shoot out of her seat and sprint down the hallway instead. I was about to call out for her when she came stomping back down with a pair of medical braces in her muzzle. They were obviously meant for me, and I quickly burned back into Diflex’s skin, as they would never fit a colt. Without a word, Berry fixed the braces to my hindlegs, and they began to glow with magic as I gained control of them for the time being.

“W-wait, where did you get the enchanted braces, and the gauze from the forest for that matte-”

“No time!” With no further warning, I was hurled out of a small window, which closed with a BANG behind me.

And so I fell on my face… AGAIN.

Author's Note

Hooray for unrealistically long wait times!
You'd think that having more time to work on this chapter would get it done quicker, but that'd be underestimating my ability to not do things.

Hope you enjoyed it regardless, and if not, feel free to share why.
Eughhh, these author's notes are way too short; I don't get enough time to talk with you guys!
...Because this isn't a one-sided conversation at all, right?

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