Apples, Tanks, N' Badflanks

by ultra1437

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Discord, Princess Celestia, Alternate Universe, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Adventure
Length: 41929

Celestia and Luna go on an unexpected adventure after a drinking contest gone awry. Let’s follow them, and see what kind of trouble and adventure our drunken princesses can manage to find!

Celestia and Luna go on an unexpected adventure after a drinking contest gone awry. Let’s follow them and see what kind of trouble and adventure our drunken princesses can manage to find!

No actual tanks were stolen in the making of this story. An airplane totally was, though.

Fair warning now, this contains far more headcanon than it probably should. I started writing this in September, well before season four premiered.

Special thanks to two of the authors I edit for, among others, ‘BioChemicalWolfGear’ and ‘CDR’ for helping me turn this from a load of plot hole-filled crap (not that kind of plot, perverts), to slightly less than crap. On a less vague note, I’m thanking them for being awesome and helping with characterization (some of which I blatantly ignored), general errors, and giving me more awesome ideas to help inspire this story along.
Special thanks to these individuals as well, for much the same reasons as those above,
‘Josephdalepony’, ‘Midnight Spark’

Coverart from the awesome Bakki!

Published 2014-05-18 23:10:07 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-08 21:03:28 UTC

Equestrian Intermissions 1 - Dissy, You Got Some Splainin' To Do!

Equestrian Intermissions 1 - Dissy, You Got Some Splainin' To Do!

Discord woke to a sudden banging on his door. He untangled himself from the sheets as he got out of bed yelling, “Alright, alright already, I'm coming! Keep it down, will you? Some of us don’t like loud noises this early!” He rubbed his eyes as he quickly snapped over to the door. He opened the door, Applejack nearly tackled him as she ran inside.

“What in tarnation happened? Why hasn’t the sun come up? And where’re the princesses?” Behind her, a dozen solar and lunar guard waited on his answer.

He rubbed his temples before dismissively responding, “Oh look! Party escorts! Is it my birthday?”

“This is serious, Discord! Where are the princesses?” Applejack snorted angrily.

“Fine, fine! Jeez, someponies just don't know how to ask nicely.” He huffed overdramatically. “Well let’s see, the last time I saw Princesses Moonbutt and Sunbutt was after our little drinking contest,” he said in his usual jesting tone. ‘Hmm that’s odd, they haven’t woken up, I mean I did pour a little extra pizzazz into that telepo–’ Discords features visibly dropped for a second. “Hmm… be right back.” He got ready to snap his talon.

“Oh, no you don’t! Ah’m comin’ with you!” He snapped a talon before she tackled him. She missed and hit the ground rolling. “Well, don’t just stand there! Git lookin’!” she roared. The guards shook themselves from their stupor and took off down the hallway, one guard taking charge, and ordering for reinforcements and a search.

Discord appeared in the wine cellar, he grabbed one of the hard cider bottles and snapped a talon. A small box popped up next to it, like what one would find attached to a weapon in a JRPG.

He quickly scanned the card, flipping it over to see if there was anything on its back. “Oh dear, so my magic wasn’t inhibited... Where did I teleport them?” He stuffed the card into a pocket, replaced the bottle, and snapped back to his room.

Applejack heard a pop from behind her, and turns to see Discord pulling a card out. "Well?"

“OOH! Applejack it's horrible! I assumed my drunken state inhibited my all powerful power! The princesses are–” he gasped once, “–gone!”

Applejack just shot him a flat look.

“Fine, spoil my fun. Here, this might explain a bit. It’s a card that shows your cider’s properties. No magic-inhibition,” he explained as he showed her the card. “When I teleported them to Celestia’s room last night, I thought that my magic was suppressed. That was because of the way Celestia acted, so I purposely put more magic than I felt necessary into the spell. After they disappeared, I went to bed. I’ve not checked on them since then.”

“So… ya’ll have no idea where they’re at, do ya Discord?” Applejack summed up his explanation. He nodded before she continued, “Then who’s going to raise the sun and moon, Twilight?”

“That’s a pretty good idea, actually. Twilight’s a capable princess, and I can provide a little spare magic to help her with the sun and moon. I’d do it myself of course, but Twilight’s better at keeping to a schedule,” he admitted bashfully, then turned to regard Applejack. “But don’t worry, I realize their disappearance is my fault, and I will honestly do all in my power to get them back.” He then smiled, lowered his voice to a comforting level, and added, “You have my word.”

Applejack gave Discord a suspicious glance, noting the sudden shift in his character. “Let’s go to Twilight’s then. She won’t be happy, believe me. First, she’ll be skeptical of our story, but the details add up. Then she’ll apologize profusely for not believing us and panic at the implications. Once she’s finally over her panic, she’ll throw together probably a dozen checklists to help.”

“Is she really that predictable?” Discord asked, skeptical of the purple mare’s predictability.

“Only when it involves th’ Princess. Celestia, that is. Luna’s a good friend of hers, but Celestia’s like a second ma to her. Her defeat at the wedding hit Twilight, hard,” Applejack looked slightly sheepish at her admission, but her tone didn’t waver.

“If that’s the case, she’s gonna hate me. I’m not telling her alone.” He plopped down dramatically on the bed.

Applejack hopped up on the bed and put a hoof on his shoulder. “Wasn’t planning on lettin’ ya do that alone, pardner. I might not’ve helped ya into this mess, but sure as mah apples’re sweet, ah’ll help ya out of it. If nothin’ else, Flutters’d chew me out fer not helping.” Applejack hopped down off the bed and jumped slightly. “Oh! Before we go, lemme talk ta the guard for a sec.” She walked to the door and stopped the nearest guard.

“Discord came back. He’s innocent, albeit mighty suspicious. Tell the rest of the guard to stop lookin’ fer him. We’re headed to Ponyville to grab Twilight to help us find the princesses. She’ll be in charge until they return.” The guard saluted before taking off down the hallway.

She made her way back to Discord. “O-oh AJ, you're back! Oh it’s been years!” he exclaimed, stroking his now much-longer full, white beard.

“What the hay‽” Applejack replied, flabbergasted.

“What? I told you I’m terrible at keeping a schedule.” He waved a paw dismissively, ripping off his white beard. “It’s why I say Twilight should keep the time, I’d get bored too fast and change it to night! Then back a few seconds later to throw off the calendar… again.” he finished maliciously.

Applejack looked back at the open door behind her at the two guards who stood staring suspiciously at Discord, unsure of whether to trust the word of Applejack, or trust their judgment. Applejack smiled back at them nervously and rubbed the back of her head dismissively.

Discord snapped a pair of talons and they disappeared. ‘Besides, I may’ve wanted to run this country once, but not anymore. I like antagonizing them far too much to just take over and kick them out.’

Author's Note

These will be short looks into what happens back in Equestria with the country's rulers missing. It may or may not contain copious amounts of Twilight Snarkle, too.

For the stat card, I wish to thank ‘Phetty’ for creating the blank card, and the artist who created the Discord vector I used has since deactivated their user account. The image itself can be found here though.

2 - Familial Reconciliation, or as Close to It as You Can Get, Stranded on Another Planet

Celestia's eyes shot open as she sniffed twice. “I smell coffee.” The cart she'd slept on had long since cooled, and the grate she laid down on had imprinted its pattern on her coat. She glanced up and heard a small rumbling in the building, but it didn’t give her a headache like the one last night. ‘Last night! I don't remember raising the sun this morning!’ Quick as she could, she reached out with her magic and found the sun already in the sky, just not in quite the correct position. ‘I’ll correct it later, Luna must’ve raised it for me…’ Celestia’s breathing slowed as her muscles relaxed. ‘I’ll have to thank her.’

She sniffed again as the coffee’s smell reached her nose. Celestia then started following the smell, up and over the cart’s top, sniffing along it like a dog. As she reached the very front, she hopped down, and continued to sniff along the building’s floor, her nose only a scant inch from touching. The rumbling sound only got a little louder as coffee lead her to another open stall. One of the holes on top of the cart was open, but nopony else was around. She climbed atop the box and the smell only grew stronger, wafting from the open hole. She slipped her head inside, to find Luna sitting with a mug of coffee sitting next to her, filling another.

“Good morning, sister. The coffee smells great!” Celestia whispered, startling Luna. “Getting me a mug, I hope?” she asked, climbing in and settling down next to Luna.

“Yes, sister.” Luna nearly dropped both the carafe and the mug she was pouring at the sudden intrusion of her sister’s voice. Rolling her eyes, she continued, “Something woke me a few minutes ago by starting this cart, and the coffeemaker inside. I know it was rude, but I know how you love your coffee in the mornings, so I figured I would make it. I hope whoever started this does not mind me doing so.” She finished pouring the mug, and put the carafe back in the coffeemaker to keep it warm.

“I do too, sister. By the way, thank you for raising the sun this morning.” Celestia took one of the mugs with her magic and sipped from it. “Mmm… one cream, just the way I like it. I don’t know what kind of cream this is, but it’s almost as good as what we have in Canterlot.”

Luna shot her a confused look. “I did not raise the sun this morning. I thought you did, and just went back to sleep.”

“Maybe Discord did? It’s not in just the right position, but for him, or you Lulu, it would be a good attempt. Let me fix it.” Celestia’s horn lit and she reached out for the sun again. Her magic grabbed it, or at least it tried to. Her grip faded through the sun in short order. Each attempt at grabbing the sun was met with the gaseous ball slipping through her metaphorical hooves after only a second. For a few minutes, Celestia concentrated on grabbing and moving the sun, with it outright refusing to move. She reluctantly gave up, huffing like a child. “I-I cannot move the sun. Luna, could you try? Maybe I’m still being affected by last night’s cider.”

Luna looked on as Celestia’s brow furrowed more and more for a few minutes. After the first half-minute, she became worried that adjusting the sun was taking so long. When her sister eventually gave up, her thought just before Celestia joined her might just be correct. ‘Celestia cannot move the sun, let us see if I can move it, or the moon. If I cannot, then we might...’

Luna quickly nodded and focused inward, lighting her horn. She reached out toward the sun, and tried wrapping her magic around it. She never even got the grip Celestia did, her magic just faded through it. After a few attempts, she moved onto the moon. After searching for it for a minute, she found it. ‘That is weird. I could have sworn it was nearly full, not new…’ It wasn’t even close to its normal position, and was much further away from the planet than she was used to. She latched onto it, and looked back toward Earth.

Spying the planet’s continents, she froze, “Let me find Equus first…” Had she returned her focus to her body, she would’ve noticed her breath hitch and her thoughts accidentally voiced. She let go of the moon, and looked around, trying to find her home continent. “Wh-Where is Equus?” She spun around the planet once more, Equus’s distinct shape missing, and several new forms added. “Where is Equus‽” She returned to her body to find Celestia wide-eyed and her coffee mug on the shelf next to her, pouring its contents down the cart’s interior.

“Sister? Sister, are you there?” Celestia meekly nodded, her stare on Luna’s own mug. “I-I have some bad news. I do not think we are on Earth any more. At least the Earth we know. When I failed to grab the sun, I reached out for the moon.” Luna swallowed heavily as she forced herself to continue. “Though I did grab it, I failed to notice Equus anywhere on this planet.”

“You mean…” Celestia trailed off, looking more forlorn.

“Yes. We are lost somewhere in the universe, with no way to know where our own home is. If the local population is not not immediately hostile, we will be lucky,” Luna finished her sister’s thought. “I wonder, did Discord do this on purpose? I know he was plastered last night, but this could just as easily have been a revenge scheme to be rid of us. With us gone, only Twilight and —”

^^^^

Discord and Applejack had just arrived in Ponyville, on the main road into town proper. Discord stopped and sneezed after a few seconds. “Hmm. Someone far away must be talking about me. Maybe it’s Celestia and Luna?” Applejack just shrugged and made her way into town.

^^^^

“— her friends would stand between him and ruling Equestria again.”

Celestia shuddered, the thought of Discord tricking them so he could take over again now firmly implanted in her mind. “If he didn’t do this to take over, then why send us here?”

“I do not know, sister. I truly do not think even he knows why he does half the things he does,” Luna admitted. “Maybe this is one of his pranks? He has always had the weirdest sense of humor.” Celestia shrugged and the silence continued for a moment.

Luna stomped a hoof. “I still think he is trying to take over Equestria while we are gone.”

“Now Luna, he’s been reformed, remember?” Celestia shot back, sipping her coffee.

“Yes, he has said as much. He has yet to prove it, though. Name one thing he has done to help Equestria, that was not his fault to begin with, since his ‘reformation,’ please,” Luna arrogantly answered.

Celestia took on a hurt look, ears pinning back. “Sister, how long has he been reformed? I recall that it took you a while to take over your responsibilities after you returned.”

Luna scowled at her sister as she spat back, “As true as that may be, he has not had to recover his power like I had to.”

Celestia’s mind was forced to consider that. “I-You raise a very good point, Luna. Still, though, we don’t know what his plans are. When we return, we’ll have to keep a closer eye on him.”

Luna shook her head slightly. “I do not see why we let him out in the first place.” She waved a hoof about. “Sure, he is ‘reformed,’ and that is all well and good, but what does that mean to him? Does it mean that he can get away with minor tricks, biding his time until he can dispose of us in a manner such as this? Or does it mean that he has truly turned good, and is actually looking for us?”

“While I would hope that the latter is true…” Celestia took a breath. “This situation does look like he just dumped us off wherever he could to be rid of us. I just hope that Twilight and her friends can keep him at bay until we return.”

Luna nodded once. “So do I, sister. So do I.”

After a moment of silence the mood broke and she spoke again, “In any case, we should acquire some methods of self-defense. One of these carts would probably suffice, but I doubt the locals would look kindly upon the theft of one.”

“Maybe… Maybe we magically duplicate one, for us? I know the spell is taxing, but between us both, we should be able to do it. We’ll have to get one into the open to perform the spell, though.” Celestia looked forlorn at the spell’s open-space requirement.

“I like the idea, but how are we going to get one out of the building? It is not like these carts are small. While an invisibility spell would work, we couldn’t keep the its sounds muffled at the same time.” Luna knocked ‘invisibility’ off her mental checklist and moved onto the next item. “Teleporting something its size any major distance would be out of the question. It is too large to teleport more than a few dozen feet at best, without draining us. What if we tried to drive it out?”

“If we knew how to control it, and had a clear time to do it, we could. But I doubt we’ll get the opportunity.”

Before another idea could be brought up, another rumble started in the building. It started coming closer and Celestia poked her head up out of the top. She spied one of the carts rolling past, towards the large door. Another rumble started, just next to them.

“If we’re going to get one of these out of here, it looks like we just got our chance! We better be quick about it!” Celestia started looking over the various controls near her. Her horn lit, casting a spell she’d not used in what seemed like ages. An aura wrapped over her eyes, allowing her to see ‘through’ objects. This particular version of the spell let her ‘see’ how an object worked, without actually disassembling it to do so. As she poured over the controls before her, the levers and lines behind them lit up gold to her vision, running down and behind them both, or off to the sides.

Luna’s horn lit up as well, casting a spell much like Celestia’s, wrapping a baby-blue aura over her own eyes. Instead of looking for their own cart’s controls, she peered through the nearby walls to, spying how the locals drove the carts. As she watched, her magic highlighted certain parts of the vehicle that the natives shifted and touched, and what they connected to. As she watched them, she noticed several of the front compartment’s lines and pumps ran all the way to the rear as the cart lurched forward. ‘So… two hoof-pedals, a large lever, and some kind of joystick-wheel hybrid… thing. They are located in the front, near the bottom of the cart.’

“Sister, the controls are down there!” Luna pointed to the corresponding controls in front of her. Celestia tried squeezing in, but could not fit around into the chair. Panicking slightly, she ripped the chair from its place and tossed it out the top, sitting in its place on the floor. Remembering the books, she untucked them from her wings and dropped them off into a hole on the left side, next to what looked like a tiny radio. She quickly tested out the pedals, one did nothing, the other caused their own cart’s rumbling to increase in volume.

Luna checked how the cart started moving in the next stall, and relayed the instructions to her sister. “The lever on your right! Squeeze the handle and push it forward until it clicks twice. Then press the right pedal to go! The left one stops and use the wheel to steer, I will direct you!” Luna’s head poked up out the cart’s top and watched the second cart pass before Celestia gunned it. The cart lurched forward, nearly throwing Luna back inside. “Turn right now, sister!”

Celestia turned the wheel, easing up on the pedal slightly, the cart began to turn rather smoothly. As soon as it was turned properly, Luna yelled, “Forward, ‘Tia! I am not sure how long we will have until they notice it is gone!”

The cart grumbled and whined loudly, but complied. It trundled forward, gaining speed until it shot out the front doors, into the sunshine. “Left, sister, follow the road if you can see it. We will make a turn for the forest once we are out of this place!” Celestia responded by pulling hard on the steering wheel-joystick’s left side. The left set of wheels locked up and the cart immediately started skidding, turning sharply to the left. “Ease up, ‘Tia, we do not need to destroy this cart before we can get to safety!” she called down to Celestia.

“Sorry, it’s hard to see out of this thing, its windows are so tiny!” Celestia let up on the pressure and the cart stopped skidding, almost back to their original speed.

“Hold on, I will use some magic to make it a bit easier.” Luna’s horn lit and the front end of the cart lit up the same color, shortly before becoming transparent.

“Thanks, Lu! I can see fine now!” She yelled up to Luna over the cart’s roaring engine. Luna had taken to checking their surroundings, and spied one of the larger buildings doors open wide. She remembered the big winged box from last night, and figured they could check out the building when night fell again, under the guise of an invisibility spell. ‘Besides, if ‘Tia gets something to defend herself, I should too.’

“‘Tia? Can you drive us out to the forest inconspicuously? I am not asking for miracles, but I will try to cover our tracks.” Celestia drove the cart out the front gate, following the two other carts. As the road neared the forest, she dove into it, narrowly avoiding trees and boulders. Luna hung on for dear life as she cast spell after spell to smooth over the cart’s trail and fix any damage.

“Hold on, Luna, this is gonna get bumpy!” Celestia called out, noticing the terrain taking on a much rougher appearance. They rolled over hills, accidentally toppled the occasional sapling, and bounced off a large rock or boulder more than once. Luna guided Celestia back to the area they had originally woken up in.

As Celestia turned into their clearing, the adrenaline had worn off. Luna noticed her sister aiming for a gap between two trees and called out, “Sister? I do not think it will-” Luna’s too-late warning had been right, Celestia misjudged the gap, driving right into two large, old trees. The cart stopped in short order, but the ponies inside didn’t until a split second later. The force the cart hit the trees with threw both herself and Luna forward. Celestia herself hit the transparent front, and Luna’s neck and chin slammed into the side of the hole she was looking out of, throwing her tiara out in front of the cart.

Celestia dazedly slumped forward, a hoof still on the accelerator, and the cart’s engine rumbled dangerously. It started to climb the trees until they bowed, and eventually snapped. As the trees snapped, the cart fell with them back onto the ground. The impact jarred Celestia’s hoof free from the accelerator as she fell sideways. The cart’s engine settled back down and it rolled only a short distance before stopping.

Author's Note

Blame CDR for this. He put the first paragraph into my head, and I went with it from there. It’s much better than the idea I had for that, originally.

There is one joke in this chapter that I refused to make. If you can find where it could’ve been made and make it, you get an internet cookie.

Equestrian Intermissions 2 - Magical Boogaloo

“What do you mean you don’t know where the princesses are?” A shrill voice cut through the town square. Several ponies looked up toward the town’s library, but none dared approach.

Despite their town’s reputation about crises, Ponyville’s residents had gotten to work despite the sun never having raised when it should’ve, and their initial panic had died away. When Discord and Applejack walked into town toward the library, any townsfolk in the way looked to them pleadingly. One passerby only said one word: “Twilight.” With her friend’s name mentioned, Applejack took off, galloping hard. Discord followed more leisurely, still trying to wake up.

“Twi, you need to calm down. With Celestia not able to raise the sun, you have to. Surely, you’ve seen her raise the sun enough that you’ve memorized the spell.” Twilight was panicking, the sun hadn’t raised as it should’ve that morning, and she feared the worst.

“I have, but—” Applejack stomped a hoof, interrupting her.

“No ‘buts’ missy. You can do this. ‘Sides, we need the sun in the sky. Now. Equestria needs to know that there’s a leader in charge, even if for a short time until they return.” She shot a glare at Discord. “They will return… right Discord?”

The Draconnequus had only just walked in the door, but Applejack’s tone of voice let him guess at what their conversation was about. “Yes, Applejack. I will do everything in my power to help get them back. Scout’s honor.” A halo appeared above his head, but it flickered and went out after a few seconds. He flicked it and it relit itself.

“So, Twi, what do you say. Can you raise the sun for us?” Applejack looked pleadingly to her friend, and slowly Twilight’s will gave in.

A nearby door crashed open, drawing everyone’s attention. Spike blearily walked into the room, ignoring everything as he made his way to the bathroom. He groaned before whining, “Man they’re loud. Can’t a dragon get some sleep around here? It’s still night time. The door slammed shut behind him.

After a moment of silence Twilight spoke up, “Alright, but only until they return. I didn’t see Princess Celestia raise the moon as often as the sun, but I do know both spells.” She chewed her lip for a moment before admitting, “I’m not sure I have the magical power to raise and set them, though. If I can’t, then what do we do?”

“Then I lend you some of my power, Princess.” Discord smiled confidently, stepping up next to Applejack. Twilight nodded and they made their way to Twilight’s balcony. Stepping forward, she lit her horn. The moon shakily drifted in place before setting slowly. Twilight then turned to the opposite horizon and her horn took on a second sheen as she powered up, trying to raise the sun. Nothing happened for a minute, before a third coating of overglow sprang from her horn.

“Discord… help,” she called out, nearly grinding her teeth in exertion. He walked forward and placed a claw on her head, feeding his power straight into her font. A fourth overglow appeared as Twilight collapsed to her knees, Discord remaining still except for his claw, which popped off his body and stayed on Twilight’s head. The sun slowly peeked over the horizon, rising steadily to its approximately correct position.

Twilight panted, laying down in the sunshine. “There, it’s up. Now that the sun’s up, we’ve got to gather the rest of our friends and get to Canterlot. Discord? Do you–” She turned to ask the Draconnequus a question.

“Get Fluttershy? Oh yes, for Equestria!” He snapped a talon and was gone.

Applejack chuckled. “Well, he’s certainly excited, despite everything. Ah’ll go get Rarity. Celestia only knows how long she’ll take gettin’ ready.”

“Then I’ll go get Rainbow and Pinkie.” Both ponies walked out the library’s front door, a sharp slam sounded, before another door opened.

Spike meandered out of the bathroom. “Huh, it’s quiet, and the sun’s up. Wonder how long I was asleep in there…” He looked around before realizing he was alone and sighed. “Ah well, if they need me, they’ll come back for me. I’m going back to bed.” Spike made his way back to his basket and was quickly sawing logs.

Author's Note

This keyboard of mine has grown with me like a brother! Its clacking tells of my mind’s eye beholden to a story! TAKE THIS: My thoughts, my headcanon, and ALL OF MY KEYSTROKES!

If you get that reference, you're free to have one Internet Cookie™.

3 - Twilight Isn't the Only One Who Reads

A few minutes later, Luna groaned and stirred. “Did somepony catch the number of that train? I feel like I was just hit by one. Are you alright, sister?” She ducked down into the cart and spotted Celestia knocked out against the idling cart’s controls. Luna quickly levitated Celestia away from the controls and set her outside, to rest on a large, flat rock nearby. On her way back to the vehicle she spotted her tiara, only slightly crushed under one of the trees. ‘I must have lost it when we hit the trees.’ She took the rest of both Celestia’s and her own regalia off and stowed them inside the top half of the cart.

‘‘Tia, I hope you’re okay.’ She made Celestia comfortable before exploring the vehicle’s interior thoroughly. In their haste to escape, their coffee mugs, the carafe, and the coffee within all three had wound up on the floor. She grabbed the mugs and carafe and magically repaired them, setting them next to the coffeemaker. Affixing a glare at the large puddles of brown liquid on the floor she thought, ‘What a waste of good coffee.’ She looked about the vehicle, found a few rags stowed away near Celestia’s seat, and cleaned up the spilled coffee with them as best she could. After cleaning the mess, she found a nearby stream and wrung out the towels. Afterward, she set the wet towels on the hot grate on the vehicle’s rear.

The large channel was actually the barrel of some kind of advanced cannon that was loaded from the inside. She supposed the cannonballs that the cannon required were stored in the top half’s rear, in the protected box. When she peered inside, they didn’t look like any cannonballs she’d ever seen, but wasn’t about to test them out with Celestia still unconscious. She noticed some kind of writing all over the vehicle, but it wasn’t in a language she could understand, further cementing the fact they were a long way from home. She tried a translation spell on a few of them, but they didn’t translate into anything useful, mostly providing what appeared to be shorthand notation of a control, switch, or lever. She checked on Celestia again, just to see if she’d regained consciousness.

Luna then checked all the cubby holes and storage racks nearby, and found a manual. Magically translating its cover page showed that it was for the vehicle’s cannon and ammunition near the other seat in the top half. In the driver’s area, next to where Celestia had lain, she found several books, including a manual on how to drive the vehicle and maintain its associated parts. She checked on Celestia one last time, before she studied the diagrams for a few minutes before sitting down where Celestia had, and turned its engine off. She took the rest of the books with her to look over later.

Next to where she had been sitting the whole ride out to the clearing, she found another, larger manual. Translating its cover page bore the vehicle’s full name: M1A1 ‘Abrams’ Main Battle Tank. Smirking, she cast another translation spell over the vehicle, and opened the book up. She matched the notation she found on the vehicle to the charts in the book, taking note of all the little safeties and amenities the vehicle had inside it.

After noting what everything did and where it was, she explored the outside, memorizing where all the little gizmos and gadgets were located, and assessed the vehicle for any damage. As best she could tell, it had nothing worse than scratched paint. While waiting for Celestia to wake up, Luna headed back down the path they’d created and fixed up what Celestia had run over. Many a bush and sapling had to be replanted.

Afterward, she settled down next to Celestia and looked over the other books. Which, to Luna’s surprise, were for the boxes in the other building. ‘Well, there is nothing else to read around here. I might as well.’ She looked at the box on each cover before grabbing the first one. ‘Ammunition, Cannons, and You, An Introduction. Well, that sounds dry, if informative. Let us see…’ A few minutes of perusing the book’s pages brought more questions than answers. ‘Why is the word heat capitalized like that?’ Luna seethed at the manual’s callousness. ‘That is no way to talk about the estrus cycle of a mare!’ She flipped the page and her disgust died away. ‘Oh. It is an acronym. High Explosive… Anti-Tank. There are other acronyms here too. APFSDS-T?’ Luna’s face took on a queer expression, as confused as she was. ‘Armor-Piercing Fin-Stabilized Discarding-Sabot… Tracer? What in tartarus does all that mean? I understand the armor-piercing part and the tracer part, but what is a sabot, and why is it discarded?’ Luna put a hoof to her temple as she groaned aloud. ‘This will be a difficult read. I can just tell…’ she thought as she settled in for the long haul.

An hour later, Celestia groaned as a crack resounded from the tank. Luna, having heard Celestia, popped her head up to check on her sister. Unaware of Luna, Celestia felt her head with a hoof before she sat upright suddenly. Luna rushed over. “Sister, you hit your head when we hit those trees. Be careful and take it easy.”

Celestia groaned again before motioning for Luna to help her up. “Let’s get me to the cart, its heat will likely soothe the headache I’ve got.” Luna helped support some of Celestia's weight as they made their way over to the vehicle. Celestia laid down, resting her head against its rear, the soothing heat doing wonders for abating her headache.

“Sister?” Luna asked. Celestia looked up at her sister. “While you were unconscious, I took the liberty to inspect the vehicle, and found several manuals. One for the weapon, which is actually a really-advanced cannon, one on how to drive the vehicle, and the last gave me its name. It is called the M1A1 ‘Abrams’ Main Battle Tank. I would think the word Abrams is just its nickname. According to one of the manuals, it is one of the most advanced pieces of technology this world has to offer. There was a tracking device on it, so if one is lost or stolen, it can be recovered. I have already deactivated it.”

Celestia shot a disbelieving look. Ears pinning back, Luna continued, “Alright, I crushed it. I can show you the controls and such when you feel up to it.” Luna looked thoughtful for a moment. “I also thought that if we managed to find a way to return to Equestria soon, we should return it if we can. It must have been quite expensive to construct, and would probably be missed.”

Celestia hummed, relieved. “That sounds like a good idea, Lulu. And thank you for finding all this for the vehicle. I’m sure this will be helpful, if for no other reason than keeping it in good shape to return later.”

Luna’s face lit up in a wide smile. “Thank you, ‘Tia. It means a lot to hear that from you.” Celestia smiled back, just as widely. “I did find several other manuals for the winged boxes. They call them airplanes.” Celestia looked surprised at her sister’s continuation.

“Oh? What did you find out about them?”

“I found one that I would like to borrow for myself, if you do not mind.” She levitated over a manual to Celestia, the picture on the front matching the plane suspended in the air from the previous night.

Shooting a remorseful look at her sister, Celestia spoke, “I don’t feel right about taking a second vehicle. We really shouldn’t have even taken this first one.” Celestia looked down regretfully, her ears folding back against her skull.

Luna nuzzled under her sister’s chin. “I know that we should not have taken the… tank, but what is done is done. We know it was an accident because we got spooked, but I feel like we should have a second vehicle, if for no other reason than to keep from being one target if we are caught unaware by a threat. They do have something called ‘High Explosive Anti-Tank’ ammunition for their cannons. The book made it sound like it could defeat any armor, even the armor on this tank.” Luna pulled back and softly spoke again, “I just want us to have the best chance of getting home alive, ‘Tia.”

“Are you sure, Luna? I would imagine after this one’s theft they would tighten up security, especially over their weapons and vehicles in general. We may not be able to get it and leave without a fight.”

“I know sister. I do not like the idea of stealing another vehicle any more than you do, either. Given the circumstances, we do not have much choice. While I would normally propose that we go after it tonight, under the guise of an invisibility spell... that might be a bad idea,” Luna responded. Celestia, her headache all but gone, stood up and shook the twigs and leaves from her coat. Luna helped her with any stubborn twigs and leaves as she continued, “This tank has something akin to night-vision. Apparently anypony inside this tank can see outside at night nearly as well as during the daytime, at short to medium distances.” Luna turned her head away. Celestia noted the look in Luna’s eyes. It was one she hadn’t seen since her return, fear. Luna was scared of something, and didn’t want to worry her. Still turned away, Luna managed to squeak out, “That said, I may have a plan to acquire it.”

“What exactly are you proposing, sister, that required me to know that it can see in the dar…” Celestia’s mind supplied her with exactly the memory Luna didn’t want to explain.

Before Celestia banished Nightmare Moon, one of their confrontations was in a near pitch-black underground dungeon in the Everfree Castle. Nightmare had no problems seeing in the darkness, but Celestia was nearly blind their whole fight, and had to rely on her other senses to detect Nightmare. If Celestia hadn’t brought part of the ceiling down in the dungeon accidentally, she would have lost the fight, and her life shortly after. After the collapse, Celestia had turned the tides and forced Nightmare to retreat, once she could see where her attacker came from.

Celestia returned from her flashback and shuddered violently. “Oh. Now I see. We might want to acquire that during the day, then.” Luna winced before nodding, tears forming in the corners of her eyes.

“I may never say it enough, ‘Tia, but I truly am sorry for what I did.” Celestia walked over to Luna and pulled her into a rib-crushing hug.

“Hush, Lulu. We’ve been over this. I know you're sorry, and I’ve forgiven you. You need to stop beating yourself up over it. I want you to know this, Luna, look at me.” They leaned back and Celestia stared into her sister's eyes. “If you ever feel anything like you did back then again, I want you to come to me. We will deal with it together, sister. I love you too much to lose you like that again.” She tightened her grip on Luna, and both sisters wept softly.

Author's Note

Dat ending. Seriously. I still tear up reading it.

Equestrian Intermissions 3 - We're getting crowded in here, aren't we?

The Elements of Harmony and their bearers were gathered again in Twilight’s library. “Discord? Why did you help me that readily? It’s not like you…” Twilight’s mind kicked into overdrive as Discord’s smile faded. ‘The princesses go missing, and AJ turns up with Discord offering to help look for them the next morning. He never really acted like he enjoyed anypony’s presence, other than Fluttershy. Did he finally make friends with them or something, only for something to happen?’

Rarity’s mind had followed like Twilight’s, and she found herself looking at Discord in a new light, but the pony next to her, Rainbow was about ready to pulverize him. Her mind had already taken her to Applejack’s original thought of Discord sending them away so he could take over.

He opened his mouth, ready to launch into last night’s events. Twilight beat him to the punch. “Before you explain anything, Discord. I’m not going to put up with any of your tricks. With the princesses gone, I’m Equestria’s de facto leader, and I’m not in the mood.”

Discord nodded before he started, “I was bored yesterday morning and–” Twilight’s look hardened, and he changed his story slightly. “Long story short, the princesses and I had a contest. Applejack was the referee, and when it was over it was a draw. We were tired and I offered to teleport both of them to Celestia’s room before going to bed myself. They accepted and I cast a teleportation spell. I had assumed from the contest that my magic had been inhibited, like their magic was. I found out that they were missing, when Applejack—” the mare waved sheepishly “—woke me up this morning, demanding to know what I did to them.” Applejack looked away, embarrassed. “She even had a dozen solar and lunar guards ready to try and contain me.” Fluttershy squeaked at Twilight’s glare intensified again, but otherwise kept silent through his tale.

Applejack defended herself as she added to his story, “They weren’t in either of their rooms, and Celestia didn’t raise the sun this morning.”

“After her rude awakening, I checked on the equipment we used for the contest we had last night, and it turns out there was no magic inhibition at all on it. I assumed my magic was inhibited, so I charged up far more power than I felt. Truthfully, they could be anywhere in the universe right now.” Applejack shot Discord a warning glare, but relaxed when she noticed Twilight’s mane started frazzling during the story.

Noticing her increasingly distressed state, he paced the room as he ploughed on. “I can find them, but it will take time. I need your help, Twilight Sparkle. If you can keep Equestria running as close to normal as you can, I can bring your princesses back. After that, I’ll submit to any punishment all eight of you can agree to.”

Twilight looked to her friends for their opinions. Applejack nodded wholeheartedly, while Dash shook her head. “I still don’t trust him. He messed with our heads when he originally broke out, how do we know he’s not doing that right now?” Fluttershy looked devastated at Dash’s words.

“Well, if you’re questioning it, wouldn’t that mean that he’s not? Besides, didn’t you originally distrust Twilight when you first met her?” Rarity rebuked. Dash backed down, her ears folding against her skull submissively. ‘Maybe she has learned to pick her battles after all.’ Fluttershy nodded tentatively.

Pinkie nodded. “Only if we can throw them a welcome home party.”

Her friends had spoken their piece and Twilight sighed. “Alright. We’ll help, Discord. But if you try anything…” She let the threat linger.

He looked into her eyes as he responded, “I swear, I will do everything in my power to help you, your friends, and retrieve the princesses.”

“Pinkie Pie Promise?” Dash inquired.

“If I must.” Dash nodded. “Alright. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.” Discord mimed the motions during the promise.

“Alright, but I’ve still got my eye on you.” Rainbow hardened her glare for a second before relaxing.

“That’s enough, Rainbow. Let’s get to Canterlot and try to restore order, girls.” Rainbow took to the air and flew out the front door, anxious to get this all over with.

Author's Note

Yes. I will horribly rhyme these if I damn well please. Also, I reserve the right to not rhyme them, too.

4 - In Soviet Russia, Ponies Carry Vehicles!

Shortly after calming down, Celestia and Luna make their way back to the camp. Security had certainly been tightened, but not heavily. Bipeds walked around the fence, scanning the area for any possible intruders. The big buildings’ doors were all open, all the other Abrams tanks were nowhere to be found. Their airplanes were filing out of their large buildings. The sisters watched in awe as one at a time each quickly accelerated and took off with a rolling start on the ground, much like a pegasus foal does when they first learn to fly.

“Wow.” Celestia gaped in awe at the sight before her. “Look, the flaps on their wings and tails! That’s how they control how they fly!” Celestia pointed out, gasping like a schoolfilly, their problems momentarily forgotten as they watched a ground-bound species fly.

Luna looked on excitedly, watching a plane take off that looked like the strung-up one she planned on borrowing. It accelerated and took off, but didn't nearly match the other planes’ speeds. ‘I wonder why that one is so much slower than the others? Maybe it's much tougher or something.’

After a few minutes of watching the planes fly around in various formations, they started to plan. “Alright ‘Tia. I think if we cast an invisibility spell over ourselves, we can get in. How do we get something that size out, unnoticed though?”

“Could we wrap an invisibility field over the plane and levitate it out? While it's bigger than the tank, it appears to be much lighter, because it can fly.”

“I doubt it. The spell is limited by surface area, not weight, remember?” Luna reminded her sister. “You're thinking of teleportation, not invisibility.”

Celestia put a hoof to her forehead. “Right, sorry. We might be able to teleport it out of the building, but we'll–”

“–Garner their attention as it suddenly appears outside its building, all on its own.” Luna interrupted her sister, shooting down their plan.

“Then I still say we try a pair of invisibility spells. I cast one over us, and you cast one over the plane and we carry it out telekinetically.” Luna sagged a bit at that. “Sure it’s large, but lifting it should be the easy part, and I can focus on that more, only having to maintain an invisibility spell over us.” Celestia looked over to Luna as their options dwindled.

“If we must, we must, ‘Tia.” Luna looked to the sky, judging how much time they had before nightfall. “We have at most a few hours to get it, else we will be forced to wait until tomorrow.”

Celestia turned back to Luna, after watching another plane take off. “Alright, sister. I don't like this idea much more than you do, but this is one of the only ways I can figure of us getting in, getting the plane, and getting out without resorting to violence.”

Luna sighed heavily. ‘‘Tia is right. She almost always is. I do not know why I doubt her, even now.’ “You are right, but if the locals do somehow find us, what do we do if they become violent?”

“If we can, we should try not to hurt them. If they prove too much to handle, we leave the plane and run. I doubt they will, but just in case, we will teleport back to the Abrams. Will that suffice, sister? I do not wish to harm them, if we can help it.” Celestia met Luna's eyes, searching for her approval with a determined look on her face.

“I suppose it is the best we can come up with, at this point. I am ready to go when you are, sister. Though, I do not wish to tarry, with as much energy as we will likely use, I am expecting to be fairly famished by the time we are done.” Luna met Celestia's gaze before standing up.

Celestia followed suit and they nodded to each other. She cast her spell over both of them, and they took to the sky. Though to everypony else they were invisible, both sisters could still see each other clearly. ‘I’m glad that Starswirl managed to work this little feature into a group invisibility spell, otherwise we might have just flown into each other.’

They landed a short distance from the first building they checked the previous night. Luna leaned over and whispered to her sister, “Are you sure you still want to do it this way, ‘Tia? We could just think up a new plan and come back tomorrow.”

Celestia shook her head and whispered back, “I don't think so. If we get it now, before they can reinforce their security any more, this should be pretty easy, if monotonous, work.”

Both ponies rounded the corner and saw two guards standing outside the open doors. ‘You do not see us… please do not see us…’ Luna chanted in her head as they tiphooved as quietly as they could into the building. Neither guard reacted to their presence.

Inside the building, the single plane was still suspended in the air, but nopony was around. “It appears we are in the clear now, mostly.” Luna jumped as her sister's voice whispered into her ear.

“‘Tia! Do not do that! I nearly fell over!” She harshly whispered back. She regarded the plane and the box next to it. “We may... have a problem, sister. I see this plane in two pieces. It would be much easier to carry out in one.”

Luna looked over the two pieces, along the middle, the bottom of the plane was open, and it appeared the other piece would slide in, nearly perfectly. It would be a tight fit, though.

“‘Tia? I believe I may have found how the other piece fits into the plane.” Luna looked over to her sister, seeing Celestia flipping through a book. She wandered over, looking over Celestia's shoulder.

“I believe I discovered much the same, sister. This book details a lot of the weapon sitting over there, and how it fits into the plane.” She pointed to the drum, then to the middle. “The large part fits behind the cockpit, whatever that is, and the long end runs down underneath and sticks out the front a little ways. There's even a few diagrams here to show where its secured in place.” Celestia led Luna over to the weapon, and pointed to a few holes where it bolted to the plane.

“If we are to attach this weapon to the plane to carry them both out, we will have to be quick and silent about this,” Luna spoke. “If you can lift it into position and hold it there, I should be able to secure it in place. Though, I do not know if it will ever come out again, without somepony having to replace the mounts on both the plane and weapon.” Luna knew that she would have to melt the mounts together to keep the fix quick, lest the guards at the door hear and decide to investigate.

“That is fine with me, sister. We just need it to hold up until we have time to affix it properly.” Celestia passed Luna the book, for her to look through the diagrams. “Let me know when you are ready, Lulu.”

Luna got into a spread-legged stance, evening her weight on her hooves. “I am ready, ‘Tia. Let's get this done quickly and quietly.”

Celestia followed suit and the weapon was soon lifted into the air, slowly. Celestia grunted a bit, thinking the weapon's drum would be much lighter. She moved it underneath the plane, orienting it the way the book showed them. As Celestia lifted it into the frame, Luna lit her horn, shifting the weapon slightly, helping Celestia guide it into position.

As it finally slid into position, Luna hit each mount with magical bolts of heat. The heat they produced fused the mounts together, and the weapon was secured in place. After dousing each with a bit of ice magic, to cool and solidify them, she nodded to her sister.

“You may let go now, ‘Tia. It is in place.” Celestia nodded, and let her telekinesis fade away. The chains and cables holding the plane up groaned and protested quietly, but held. Both ponies looked to each other as it groaned a little more. “‘Tia? You may want to help support it. I do not think those cables were meant to hold its whole weight. I will cast the invisibility spell on it, and we can retreat quickly.”

Celestia nodded and the plane was lifted slightly, taking its whole weight herself. She was surprised how much it weighed. ‘How does something this heavy fly so well?’

Luna grabbed the book and tucked it into a panel before closing it and noting which one it was. She cast the spell, even with her magical strength, she spent much of her magic to just cast the spell. “This spell is much more costly than we had realized, ‘Tia. I have roughly five minutes before I can no longer maintain it, let us make haste.”

Celestia poured a little more power into her telekinesis, and lifted the plane out of its mounts, grunting slightly with her effort. Luna unhooked the cables and left them hanging. Celestia could not run because of the strain from her spells, and Luna couldn't carry her. “It looks like we're walking, Luna. Let us hope we can get out before time runs out.”

Slowly, both ponies turned and made a beeline for the exit. Luna leaned into Celestia to help support her. She wanted to help alleviate the load Celestia was carrying, but helping would shorten the time they would have to escape.

Celestia leaned down and whispered, “Is there any way you could help? This plane is quite heavy.”

Luna shook her head. “No, ‘Tia. If I helped you lift it, it would drastically reduce how much time we had before the spell fails.” Both ponies quieted down as they neared the door. Celestia looked back, and kept guiding the plane out the doors, making sure it didn’t bump anything inadvertently. Once clear and a minute later, both ponies had made their way back toward the fence they'd flown over. Celestia spread her wings and flapped twice experimentally. Her eyes widened.

“Luna? Carrying this much weight, I cannot fly. We must either make a hole or go around.” Celestia looked to her sister, and found Luna scanning the fence for the nearest exit. Finding one a good distance away, she pointed it out. “We could use that one, but it would be a close call to make it into the woods,” Luna explained. Celestia merely nodded and started walking over to the exit. Two minutes later, they arrived at the gate, and Luna whispered, “I am nearly out of strength here, ‘Tia. We must make haste.” Celestia increased her gait as much as she could manage, and they made their way out into the woods.

A minute later, Luna stopped in a clearing and sagged. “That is it, sister. This is as far as I can hold the spell up. Hopefully, this will be far enough.” She let her spell fade, and the plane was visible again, sheathed in Celestia's golden glow. Celestia set the plane down in the clearing's edge, and let her invisibility spell fade as she leaned against a nearby tree herself. Both ponies panted lightly, and as they caught their breath, a single loud grumble escaped one stomach.

Celestia looked over to Luna, whose face now was more purple than blue. “I told you I would be hungry after this, ‘Tia. I hope we can get some food soon.”

Celestia looked around, scrutinizing the nearby bushes. “I do too, sister, and from our surroundings, we may have to scavenge from the trees and bushes. I don't want to raid the natives’ food supplies. We don't even know if we could eat what they can.”

After a few minutes, both ponies had rested and caught their breath. “Are you ready to continue on, Luna?” Celestia stood, and she lifted the plane a few feet off the ground as she looked to her sister.

“I am, sister, though I doubt I'll be of much help with carrying the plane. I have not recovered much,” Luna replied, looking down at her hooves.

Celestia walked over to Luna, before sitting down and resting a wing on her back. “Of course not, you silly filly. What we both need is some food and a good rest. When we get this plane back to the tank, you can rest while I go and gather us some food.”

Luna looked back up to her sister before nodding. “Alright, ‘Tia. Let us make our way back, then.” Both ponies stood and made their way back to their campsite.

Celestia set the plane down next to the tank. “I shall rest inside the tank, sister.” Luna tiredly climbed into the Abrams, laying down to sleep. Celestia followed, only to snag the two coffee mugs and the coffee maker’s carafe.

Celestia nodded as she turned around. “Alright, Lulu. Have a nice rest. I will return soon with food.” Luna's stomach rumbled at the mention of food, and she blushed again. Celestia giggled and hopped down, off the tank and strode deeper into the forest.

Author's Note

CDR hounded me with this one, as having Luna tire out like she did seemed ‘too weak for the princesses’ or somesuch nonsense. It’s a valid point, but for the story’s sake, I ignored it. Nobody, not even ageless princesses can do everything without tiring or wanting something to make their lives a little easier to bear.

5 - This Ain't a Training Montage, Folks

A few minutes after Celestia walked off, she ran across a small stream and drank heartily from it. She then filled the two coffee mugs and the carafe with water as she thought, ‘Hmm, maybe there’s something edible upstream. If nothing else, I can always come back.’

Nodding to herself, she followed it to a small pond. She found several bushes huddled in the tree cover’s only large gap. As she approached, two squirrels scurried out from underneath the bushes, chattering away. As they ran off, seeming to ignore her presence, Celestia looked the bushes over. ‘Are those?’ The berries appeared to be ripe, and after she tried one, she picked the bushes veritably clean after a few seconds. ‘Huckleberries! My favorite! They may look slightly different, but their flavor is just as delicious as back home. I wonder if there are any raspberry or blackberry bushes around, Luna’s always loved those.’

She looked around the clearing’s outskirts, but only found more huckleberries in a dozen more bushes. Gathering her findings, Celestia cleaned the berries in the river and returned to their camp. She stored the berries in a basket before settling down with the largest of the Abrams’ manuals. ‘Alright, let’s see how this tank ticks.’

^^^^

Luna groaned as she sat up. Her stomach rumbled again angrily, before she made her way up and out of the tank. As she stepped onto its top, she looked up at the sky. ‘Hmm, if this world shares the same amount of time per day as ours, it appears I slept for roughly two hours. I wonder if ‘Tia is back yet.’ She looked about the clearing and couldn’t find hide nor hair of her sister. “‘Tia, sister? Are you there?” she called out.

“Over here, Lulu!” Celestia yelled back, shortly before the mare walked around the plane. “I found some huckleberries, and read two of the tank’s manuals with the rest of the time you were asleep.” Luna hopped down as Celestia levitated the berry basket over to her, along with a mug full of water.

As Luna ate her fill, Celestia explained what she’d read. “I have never seen anything quite like it, Luna. Its weapon is at least an order of magnitude more powerful than anything back home!” Celestia turned back to the vehicle, grimacing. “I doubt anything outside an experienced battlemage or ourselves could hope to damage this vehicle, let alone destroy it.”

Luna swallowed what she was chewing and voiced a thought, “I thought we already had established that.” She immediately winced at the tone she took. Celestia looked incredulously at her sister. “I am sorry, I did not mean to say it that way, ‘Tia. I merely meant to state that I had surmised as much before we left to get the plane.”

Celestia nodded, accepting Luna’s apology. “I know you did not mean to, Lulu. I didn’t know you came to the same conclusion earlier.” Celestia looked to the plane. “Though, I did read the plane’s manual. This one is called–” She cut herself off, blinking once. “Right. You suggested this one. You already know what it’s called.”

Luna walked over to her sister and nudged her shoulder. “Yes, I know it is called the A-10 Thunderbolt, and that wasn’t the reason I chose this one. I chose this plane because it was the only one available.” Luna hummed for a second before continuing, “Though, I would have still chosen this one, had I the choice of every other one in that building.”

Celestia laid down, a wing bringing Luna with her. “And I can guess why. It’s the other part, the weapon from before, isn’t it? I read in the manual that it was the only weapon to have a frame built just for it. That interested you, and you had to have it for yourself, didn’t you?” She leveled a knowing smirk at Luna.

Luna blushed and nodded. “I know we’re sisters, but that was just creepy. But yes, you are correct. Though, that was not the only reason. When I saw the other one take off, it didn’t match the other planes’ speeds, so I presume it might have some other strength to keep it flying in combat. It probably has much thicker and tougher armor, much like the Abrams, compared to the other planes.”

“Well, we should at least try it out. If you want to fly it and if I can keep up, I will fly alongside,” Celestia offered, her wing hugging Luna tighter for a second.

“I think I will be fine on my own, ‘Tia. You still have to get used to your tank, as well. But first we should find an area in which to practice. I saw a clearing on the far side of the lake. The only problem I can see is it’s on the camp's far side,” Luna mused. Celestia considered looking the area over, but dismissed the thought when Luna continued, “Though, with two of their weapons stolen, they’ll no doubt tighten security. If either of these vehicles are spotted, they will likely attempt to recover them, or failing that, destroy them.”

“I agree. If you do go out and fly, with or without the plane, you should try to stay low. I will try to get used to driving the tank in the forest.” Celestia withdrew her wing and stood up. “Are you sure you're going to be alright alone?” Luna nodded once as she stood.

Celestia sighed before making her way over to the Abrams. Luna hopped up onto one of the Thunderbolt's wings, trying to figure out a way into the cockpit before an idea struck her. Celestia hopped into the Abrams’ turret, climbed down inside and fired up the engine.

^^^^

Celestia popped her head back out of the tank, as she remembered to grab the towels off the engine grate. She grabbed the towels and looked over to the plane, noticing Luna standing only on her hind-legs. Her eyes were closed, striking a reared-up, surfing pose on the Thunderbolt's midsection. Storing the towels away, Celestia laughed to herself as she magically grabbed the tank’s controls.

‘Oh Lulu, never change. Now, let's see if I can learn to drive this thing with magic.’ She faced forward and eased pressure down on the accelerator. The tank lurched forward, nearly throwing her skull into the hatch. ‘Oh horsefeathers! I must’ve used too much pressure. That pedal is really sensitive…’ She eased up and the tank stopped accelerating as fast.

She maneuvered her way out of their little camp, making her way deeper into the forest. As she went deeper into the forest, the trees surrounding her seemed to grow larger and thicker. At some point, it got dark enough that she flipped on the tank’s outside lights just to continue driving. Celestia admired the scenery she drove past. A beautiful waterfall fed into a large pond, with a stream running down, back the way she came.

‘Alright, let's get some maneuvering training in. What better way than navigating a forest at high-speed?’ She challenged herself and the tank by accelerating as she went deeper. More than once she didn't quite make a turn all the way and the tank gained another gray scratch from a boulder, or she bounced off a multiple-century old tree, taking a small chunk out of its trunk. From her perspective, the ride was relatively smooth, the tank’s well-cared-for suspension smoothing out all the little dips and dives in the terrain.

All of a sudden, Celestia noticed the forest's ambient noise had died away. Fearing something ahead, Celestia brought her vehicle to a stop, listening carefully. ‘What’s going on?’ Her head and ears swivelled around before a dull roar, nearly mimicking her own vehicle’s rumbling sounds off in the distance behind her. ‘Whatever it is, it’s getting closer. I've got to hide. But where can I hide this tank?’ she thought, looking around for large rocks or caves to hide away in. Spotting nothing, she gave up that line of thought, ‘Nothing big enough to hide behind, I can only hope whatever it is passes me by. I should arm the cannon, just in case.’

She ducked down into the tank and unlocked the turret. Getting into the gunner's seat, she turned the turret toward where she heard the sound, now easily heard inside the tank itself. ‘I wonder what they might have sent to destroy this tank if sounds that powerful…’ She looks at the cannon’s manual as she opened the ammunition storage box.

‘Place the shell into the breech, the charge behind it. Forcefully ram the shell and charge into the barrel. Keep hooves clear when breech closes, or hoof injury or loss may occur... Why would anyone want to use this weapon if just arming it could cause the operator any harm?’ Following the instructions, she selected a shell and a charge at random. She looked down at her hoof as she set the shell and charge into the groove. Her hoof was too wide to ram the shell in, so she just telekinetically moved the two pieces into position and the breech closed, along with the ammunition box’s door.

‘Now that it's armed, I have to be careful. I still have no idea what kind of destruction this weapon is capable of.’ From the bushes right in front of the cannon a vehicle emerged, its weapon trained squarely on her own tank. As it skidded to an abrupt halt, it fired its weapon, missing due to momentum.

‘What was that? It sounded like thunder…’ Her head popped up out of the tank for a second, noticing the other vehicle with its smoking barrel. ‘It is! They’ve found me!’ She ducked back inside as the other vehicle’s cannon to trained right on her. She quickly got back into the gunner’s seat, and grabbed the manual. The other vehicle fired again, striking her own vehicle. Unfortunately for the other tank, where it struck did nothing more than scratch the paint and ricochet off into a nearby tree, sending it toppling to the ground.

Celestia, meanwhile, was recovering from the ringing in her ears. ‘Alright, look down the sights, match up the target’s size to the rangefinder… skip that at this distance. Track target if moving, verify permission to fire, turn off safety switch, and fire. Seems simple enough, in theory.’ She quickly looked down the sight and aimed at the other tank. A pang of regret filled her as she looked at the vehicle and flipped off her cannon’s safety. ‘All I have to do is hit the trigger. Then it’ll go away. Surely it will.’ She stared at the other vehicle down the sight, it was much smaller than hers, much more smoothly shaped, and its cannon wasn’t as long or as thick. ‘I… I can’t. I can’t hit the trigger. Even with it trying to kill me, I can’t.’ It fired again, but its shell bounced once more, a sharp ringing filled her ears once more. Reflexively, she winced and shifted away from the noise, a hoof bumping right into the trigger.

Thunder sounded, even louder than the other vehicle’s cannon, and it seemed to come from everywhere to Celestia. She fell on her back in surprise as her tank lurched back. Quickly returning to her hooves, she peeked out the commander’s hatch to see what had happened. The other vehicle was now in two major pieces, the turret was sitting on its top next to the hull, and both were on fire, with a clean semicircle punched into both parts, where the turret and hull would’ve met as one.

Celestia’s mouth dropped open in shock at the sight. ‘I… I did that, didn’t I? I just killed who or whatever was in that machine.’ Before she could break down crying, a clank sounded inside the Abrams, next to Celestia. Snapping back into focus, she dropped back inside the tank. A brass cylinder lay on the floor behind the breech. ‘Must be what wasn’t used when the cannon fired.’ Morosely, she lifted the still-smoking piece of brass and set it off to the side, next to the gunner’s seat. ‘It… it has been centuries since I’ve taken a life, even accidentally.’ She flopped down in the chair, staring at the piece of brass, mentally replaying the past minute in her head. As she caught up to the present her head bowed low. “I-I’m so sorry. I never meant to kill anyone,” she managed to choke out, before laying down on the floor and weeping.

A few minutes later, a sound broke Celestia from her grief. A plane was nearby and getting closer, if the sound it let off was any indication. ‘It must be looking for the ponies I killed. I probably should get out of here before more of them arrive.’ Forcing herself to calm down, she sat up and climbed back into the commander’s seat. She turned the turret forward again and locked it before driving off, back to their campsite.

^^^^

As Celestia had driven off deep into the forest, Luna got some training in of her own. ‘I know I can fly well enough on my own, but this plane should let me protect ‘Tia better. We both know that she’s gotten much weaker since I was banished. If I am to protect her, I must master this plane.’ A sudden image floated to the top in her mind. Flying along, striking a pose high in the sky as Celestia, and oddly enough Twilight, cheered her on. Luna giggled for a few seconds at that thought. “Perhaps, one day,” she spoke aloud to herself.

Falling back down on all hooves, she made her way forward to the Thunderbolt’s cockpit and opened the canopy. She surveyed all the switches, dials, and gauges that were arrayed in front of the pilot’s seat, and was completely overwhelmed. She blankly stared at them for a minute before her mind reset itself and she grabbed the Thunderbolt’s manual.

She stepped down into the pilot’s seat before trying to memorize its controls. ‘Alright, throttle off to the left, near the altimeter.’ She absentmindedly pointed to the throttle lever, memorizing its location. ‘Hoof-pedals control yaw. Stick in the middle controls the flaps on the wings. Forward on stick is down, back is up.’ She bumped the stick a few times, testing its range of motion. ‘Ground-brakes on the right, next to the landing gear. Weapon safety switch on the left, above the throttle. It unlocks the trigger and button on the stick. The trigger fires the ‘Avenger’, while the button fires a wing-mounted weapon.’ She looked back to the wings on each side behind her, noticing nothing on them that could be a weapon. ‘Guess I will not be using that one then.’

Satisfied with the controls, she nods to herself once. Eager to fly, she combs the manual to find the ignition. “Aha! There it is!” She spots a lone button off to the right and it’s quickly pushed. There’s suddenly a grating sound and the engines behind her started spinning. She pushes the throttle forward slightly and the grating sound gets slightly louder and higher-pitched. As they spin faster, the grating sound gave way to a high-pitched whine.

‘Ah, that may be an issue,’ she thought, looking ahead. There happened to be only a few dozen feet between the Thunderbolt and the tree line. Setting the brakes, she hopped out of the plane and surveyed the tree line. ‘I might be able to move some of these trees to let me get enough distance…’ As she looked around at the nearby boulders, another idea strikes. ‘Or, I could just build a ramp!’

Putting her haphazard plan into motion, Luna gathers a dozen huge boulders and a veritable mountain of dirt. “A few boulders here and there for stability–” several crashes sound nearby “–and one there too.” The largest boulder rests at her hooves. “Alright, now with the foundation laid, I need to make it tall and smooth.” Luna was like a well-oiled machine, excavating large mounds, dumping them over the boulders with little care. As literal tons of dirt were moved to make the ramp, she looked back over to the Thunderbolt. She quickly made her way back to it and hopped back into the pilot’s seat.

After ten minutes, the surrounding area looked more like a quarry than she’d like, but the ramp was finished. ‘Let us see if this works. Here goes everything!’ She hit the throttle, pushing it to full power and the whining behind her grows to near unbearable levels. Shutting the canopy, she also released the brakes. The Thunderbolt trundled forward, quickly gaining momentum. It starts up the ramp and Luna feared the worst. She quickly remembered a statement from the manual, ‘When the plane reaches sufficient velocity, begin pulling back on the flight stick to ease it into the sky.’

The Thunderbolt cruised right off the ramp’s end, and its nose dipped down toward the trees. “Up. Up, Tartarus-spawn, UP!” Luna roared, pulling back on the stick as hard as she could without fearing breaking it. The plane’s fall is quickly arrested and it barely clears the tree line, clipping the first few trees’ tops as it climbed. She leveled off after a few more seconds of climbing and pulled back on the throttle to the position marked ‘idle.’ As she flew along, she checked her gauges and makes sure that nothing would fail on her in the immediate future.

Luna retracted the landing gear and smirked. ‘Alright, let us put this Thunderbolt through its paces. First up, how fast will this plane go?’ She punched the throttle, and the Thunderbolt quickly accelerated. Trees speed past underneath her faster and faster. Banking left, Luna made a wide u-turn to keep up her speed. ‘Wow, it is much faster than I had thought. Most pegasi would not even be able to keep up! Now, let us see how agile it is…’ She backed off the throttle and as it slowed down, she pulled back on the stick, grabbing some sky. Luna maneuvered the plane into short, shallow turns followed by loops and rolls. ‘Definitely not as responsive as I would like, but not bad. Now for the final test, its weapon.’ She looks about the ground, trying to find something to use as a target.

A few minutes go by as she looks, and she spotted what looks like landfill a little distance away, but for smaller carts. At a glance, they looked rusted and beaten up, with some in even in pieces. ‘Alright, I have my target, now I have to see how much damage this weapon can cause…’ Banking again, she dove toward the target and flipped off the safety switch. “Oh!” she cried out as a number appeared in her vision on a corner of a screen between her and the canopy. Directly in the screen’s center, a white circle and a ‘w’ filled in as well, and the number connects to the circle.

She kept an eye on the number, and it keeps ticking down rapidly. ‘5000? 4850? 4600 what?’ As it ticks down to 3000, she heard a click, the circle turned yellow, and an indicator ‘In Range’ appeared underneath the number. Another number, 1600, and the words ‘Ammunition Count’ displayed in the opposite corner. ‘Oh! It is a rangefinder, that is most helpful!’ She presses down on the trigger slightly, and the whole plane begins to vibrate slightly. She presses it down completely and the whole plane begins to vibrate harder, and stops accelerating. A sound, not unlike a dragon roaring loudly filled the cockpit, overpowering the whining behind her, and Luna winced. From the rumbling underneath her, the plane’s weapon fired, spitting what looks like white hot metal by the hundreds at the big rusty box she’d chosen.

After a second, she released the trigger and the rumbling immediately stopped. ‘Wow, that was intense! I have never seen a weapon that could do something like that.’ She pulled up and banked away from where she'd just fired. The cart, and everything near it, were riddled with little holes, and resembled something that had been speared every lance in the entire Royal Guard's armory at once.

‘With this Thunderbolt, ‘Tia is as good as safe.’ She looked over the screen, as soon as she’d pulled back into the sky, the circle went back to white, and the ‘w’ was trying to catch up to the circle. ‘In Range’ and the number with it had disappeared, but the 1600 below it was now at 1296. “I expended that much ammunition in two seconds‽” ‘Maybe I thought too soon. I should see if I can enchant it to replenish its ammunition magically.’

Luna soared back toward the campsite, and realized her next problem. ‘Alright, how do I land in the campsite?’ A column of smoke in the distance interrupted her thought. ‘’Tia went off in that direction, I hope she is alright…’ She banked and passed over the column upside-down. She looked into the forest, and saw what looked like a tank in two pieces aflame for a split second. ‘That vehicle did not belong to ‘Tia, that is a big relief.’ She rolled back upright and made her way back to the camp. She started circling the clearing, looking for a flat enough strip of land to set the Thunderbolt down on. The clearing they were in looked long enough to land in, but there were several large boulders left over sitting in the way.

“Alright, let us see if I can fly and use magic at the same time,” Luna spoke to herself. Her horn lit up and she held her posture, so the Thunderbolt would circle the area. After a few tries, she managed to knock one of the two boulders out of the way, and the second followed suit shortly after. A clear path made, she quickly lined up for an approach. Luna lowered the landing gear and eased back on the throttle. The plane slowly started to lose speed and altitude. As she cleared the last of the trees, a vehicle came out into the clearing, right in her path!

‘Horsefeathers!’ She quickly punched the throttle and the speed she’d lost was quickly made up, and she regained altitude, circling around for another try. An alabaster head with pastel hair popped up out of the vehicle's top as she passed overhead. ‘It is ‘Tia! She is alright!’ Luna’s horn lit up, and her magic probed at Celestia for a second. Celestia’s horn lit and a mental link was established.

“Luna, is that you?” Celestia asked quickly, her voice pained.

“Yes it is, 'Tia. I am glad to see you are safe,” Luna’s mental ‘voice’ was overjoyed to hear her sister again.

“I am… glad to be safe too, but is there something you need?” Celestia sounded odd, almost pained.

“Yes I do, sister. I was landing the Thunderbolt as you came into the clearing. You are kind of sitting right in the way,” Luna stated flatly.

“Oh! I'm sorry Lulu, where can I go to be out of your way?” Celestia sounded embarrassed as she asked the question.

“You see the two large boulders? If you can go over to their far side, you will be out of the way.” Luna watched her sister’s head turn about looking for the boulders.

“Alright, I’ll head over there, see you when you land, Lulu.” Celestia’s tank quickly moved out of her way, toward the boulders.

“See you in a minute, ‘Tia,” Luna replied before letting her spell fade.

Luna made her way back and started a second approach, with no other vehicles in the way, she landed easily. The dirt didn’t give much in the way of traction, so when the Thunderbolt’s tires touched down, they dug small furrows in it. She cut the engines and hit both the air and ground brakes to help slow it down.

Celestia noticed Luna’s plane wasn't slowing down fast enough as it approached the tree line. She jumped out of her tank and her horn lit up as she braced herself. Using her magic, she grabbed onto Luna’s Thunderbolt and pulled as it screamed past her. The 15 ton plane quickly slowed down and came to a stop as its momentum bled off into Celestia’s magic. Celestia, from the force of stopping the plane with her telekinesis, had been pulled in the Thunderbolt’s direction a dozen feet, but the plane was still in one piece. Its nose was just touching a tree, and Luna shakily popped open the canopy, hopped out and ran over to Celestia.

“‘Tia! Are you alright?” Luna asked, looking over her sister's form. Celestia sat down, hooves shaking.

“I’m fine, Lulu. I just need a minute to calm down,” Celestia replied, laying down. Luna followed, laying next to her. “Though, I wouldn’t turn down some water.” Luna nodded and stood back up. “There should be some in the Abrams.”

As Luna retrieved a mug of water for her sister, Celestia’s thoughts drifted back to the other vehicle, and its occupants, that she’d killed. As tears welled in her eyes, she shook her head fitfully. ‘No, I can’t break down now. I must be strong for Luna. I can cry all I need to when we get back to Equestria.’

Celestia looked up in time to see her sister return, but not with water. A pair of mugs and an empty carafe were floating in Luna’s magic. Luna looked cautiously to her older sister. “‘Tia, what happened? I found all three of these broken inside the Abrams?”

“I’m sorry, Lulu. I forgot that they were in it when I was practicing. The Abrams and I must’ve bounced off of a boulder hard enough for them to shatter.” Celestia looked down dejectedly, forcing herself not to meet her sister’s gaze as she not-quite lied. Truthfully, a rock did probably cause them to break, but she didn’t want to explain to Luna that she’d been attacked.

“Celestia, sister.” Luna laid down next to Celestia, draping a wing over her. “I saw another vehicle. I spotted some smoke from above the trees and investigated, fearing it was you who was in trouble.” Luna nuzzled her sister’s face as her sister’s tears began to fall. “Tell me, ‘Tia. Was that you that caused such damage?”

Celestia nodded once, still refusing to meet Luna’s eyes. “It was. It came out of nowhere, and attacked me first. While I did hear it before I was attacked, it struck just as I finished arming the cannon.”

Luna nuzzled her again and drew her wing tighter, determined to be strong for her sister. “Go on, ‘Tia. I know there’s more.”

Celestia relished in Luna’s presence for a minute before continuing, “There is. I hopped up to look out and find what had hit it. It aimed its cannon at me, Luna. Not at the vehicle. Me.” A solitary tear fell down her cheek. “After I noticed it, I dropped back into the Abrams before it could shoot again. Finally, I followed the manual to aim and prepare to fire. It shot at the tank a second time, interrupting me in the middle of that.”

Luna was at a loss. ‘If it attacked her, why is she so pained about defending herself… I wish there was more I could do to help soothe her pain.’

“As I stared down the cannon’s sight, I froze up. All I needed to do was to hit the trigger, and the attacker would go away. It fired a third time and I jumped. I bumped the trigger and the cannon fired. If I can be brutally honest here, the Abrams’ cannon scares me. From inside it sounded like a dozen thunderbolts striking the same place at once.” Luna imagined such a sound as Celestia took a minute to calm down. “Just the one shot caused what you saw. I… It has been centuries since I had to defend myself like that, that I found myself in a truly life or death situation. Centuries since… I’ve taken a life.” Celestia looked away painfully.

Suddenly, it all made sense to Luna. Celestia had gone so long without any kind of major conflict, that she’d lost her edge. ‘Even after Nightmare possessed me and we were then imprisoned in the moon, we kept training, for what little good it did. ‘Tia didn't, and she fared far worse in the end…’

“Hush, sister. Even though you do not think so, you did the right thing.” With a hoof, she turned Celestia's head to look her in the eyes. “If it was not out to kill you, would you have done the same thing and, even inadvertently, destroyed it utterly?” Celestia shook her head slightly. “There, see? You're not as bad as you think you are.” Luna's tone turned firm, “You not becoming a monster, Celestia. If anything, it was the monster, willing to attack and kill you for no apparent reason other than theft.”

Her eyes still shimmering with unspent tears, Celestia perked up a bit. “Thank you Lulu. It feels good to hear you say that, even if I don't fully believe it myself.”

“Anytime, sister. If I can help you feel better, I will.” Luna was the one nuzzled this time. “Come, after such an ordeal, you should rest.” Celestia nodded and stood. Luna rose and followed her to the Abrams. “Rest, sister. I shall keep watch over you.”

Sullenly, Celestia replied, “Alright Lulu. Don't stay up too long though. We need to stay somewhat together.” She climbed up and into the Abrams, settling down on the floor.

“I do not plan on staying up much longer. It looks to be about time for the rotation. I shall try a few things to find our home, then I will join you,” Luna explained, looking down into the tank at her sister. As she pulled her head away, she noticed the brass canister resting off to the side. ‘She must have kept it as a reminder. When this is all over, I will need to speak with her again about it. I fear that it may not be the only reminder she'll have by the time we return.’

Luna quietly left her sister to rest. Making her way off the Abrams, she looked up into the clear sky. ‘Let us see if I can see any of my constellations tonight, maybe we weren’t moved too far across the universe.’ Her horn lit up and projected herself to the moon, looking away from the planet to find her constellations. ‘I think I see one, but from this perspective it is too distorted to be sure.’ She spent the next ten minutes looking for others, with no luck. Tiredly, she returned back to her body and climbed into the Abrams, settling down next to Celestia. Sleep came to her easily, despite the approaching night.

Author's Note

This one took the longest to write, truthfully. It sat around for a month and a half, closer to two months, with just the first scene written. In a week, I’d tried a few different paths here, before finally settling on this one. I must’ve put an extra six thousand words into those paths collectively before I’d realized how each was going to turn out, and it wasn’t the way I wanted.

Also, the Abrams and Thunderbolt controls and their positions outlined in this story probably aren’t even close to correct, but they’re based on my knowledge pulled from other vehicles, games, and a little creative imagination.

Equestrian Intermissions 5 - I Kind-of Speak Jive!

Discord had taken up residence in the royal archives, flanked by Pinkie and Rarity. Though neither of Twilight’s friends had quite the same fervor for devouring anything with a printed or written word on it, they still wanted to help retrieve their missing princesses.

Each of them were pouring over a book, and in Pinkie’s case, it might as well have been literal. She sat upside-down in a chair, staring at the book on the floor. Discord rested on a toilet, likely pulled from a restroom somewhere, and Rarity reclined on her own couch.

“Discord, darling, have a look at this.” She floated her book over to him, and pointed to a spell. “This one looks like it might be able to find them, if we have something of sufficient personal value.”

Pinkie hopped up and looked over the Draconequus’s shoulder. “What's that mean, ‘sufficient personal value’? Sounds like a load of hooey, to me.”

Discord shrugged. “I may have only recently been reformed, but even if even I can see the flaw in that spell, it won't help us.” Rarity took the book back, and flipped a few more pages.

“Ooh! Ooh! I think I've got something, Dissy-wissy!” Discord cringed and his ears folded back at the nickname. Pinkie bounced over and plopped her book down on top of the one he'd been skimming. “This one says something about finding lost ponies, but only if they want to be found.”

“Pinkie Pie, that sounds exactly what we're looking for!” Rarity chimed in, looking over at the book.

Discord looked the spell over, before chuckling. “This one looks like it might do it, Pinkie.”

“Well, if it works, that'd be superriffic!” She bounced in place for a few seconds. “Well, aren'tcha gonna try the spell?”

“We need a few things, first. This spell is old enough that it needs a conduit to cast right. And something sentimental of theirs, but that's easy enough to find.” He smiled darkly before continuing, “I suppose in a pinch we could even use Twilight. She has to mean something to Celestia, probably.”

Rarity was horrified, but Pinkie spoke up first, “What? Why would you even say that, Dissy-wissy? Of course she means something to the Princess. I mean, taking Twilight under her wing when she was just a filly and all, that had to count for something!”

Discord looked Pinkie in the eye as he replied, “I’ve known Celestia, and Luna for that matter, for far longer than either of you might realize. To be honest, I wouldn’t put it past Celestia to have emotionally detached herself from Twilight years ago, long before she was sent to Ponyville.”

Rarity looked about to faint and Pinkie settle down, sitting back into her chair, correctly. “Why do you think that, Discord? I mean, she’s been nice to all of us, and extra-super nice to Twilight.”

He held up a talon. “How much of that extra attention might be real affection, or just faked to help Twilight along, into becoming a princess and eager to take on some of Luna’s, and her own, duties? Who knows how much she truly cares about anypony, other than Luna?”

Rarity spoke up this time, “I… I never thought of it that way. It does make sense, on some level.”

“Anyway, let's mark that spell’s book and page down, and continue looking. Maybe we'll find something that doesn't require a conduit.” Discord grabbed a roll of parchment and noted the book’s name and page number, before passing the book back to Pinkie.

“I know! Maybe we'll even find a ‘Find our lost princesses, pretty please with a cupcake on top’ spell!” She took the book and plopped back down in her chair. Rarity returned to her book at a far more sedate pace, her mind contemplating what Discord had just told them.

6 - Surf’s Up

Celestia shot upright. Something wasn't right. Something, no somepony, was missing. Celestia popped her head up and out the top of the Abrams and looked about. “Luna? Where are you, sister?”

One of Luna's hooves shot up from behind the Thunderbolt. “Over here, 'Tia.” Celestia hopped out and made her way over. As she rounded the other side of the plane, she was surprised. “Breakfast! I made huckleberry pancakes!” Luna gestured to two plates stacked high with pancakes on the Thunderbolt’s wing.

Celestia deeply inhaled the wonderful aroma and looking at the two massive stacks of pancakes. “How did you make pancakes? I know we had some berries left over, but where did you get the rest of the ingredients?”

Luna looked away shyly before responding, “I woke up an hour ago, and could not get back to sleep. I was hungry and wanted to make pancakes. Did you know that they have all these cooking ingredients and food just stored in one of those buildings? There was no one around, so I took some, hoping to make us breakfast.” Luna looked back at her sister, ears pinned back against her skull. “Was that a bad thing?”

Celestia smiled, eyeing the pancakes hungrily. “Truthfully? Yes that was bad, stealing from them again. But what’s done is done, nothing we can do about it now. Besides, these both look and smell delicious.” Both ponies dug in with gusto, and the pancakes suffered a total defeat at their hooves.

“So ‘Tia, I remember something in the manuals about regular maintenance to keep the vehicles fit for use. I know we have had them a short time, but would it not hurt to give them a once over to make sure nothing is wrong?” Luna asked, sipping at her water. Celestia raised a hoof to her muzzle thoughtfully.

“I suppose not. There must be some tools on them to help expedite the process.” Celestia stood up. “Come, let’s find them.” Celestia waved a hoof over to the Abrams. Luna nodded and joined her. Ducking into the tank for a minute, Celestia brought the manuals back out and they looked the books over. “‘Tia? I have found it.” Luna pointed to a diagram. Standing up, she moved over to the tank’s rear. “They are in the back, over here.” Luna lifted a very long, hollow, metal bar out from its hiding place on top of the Abrams’ hull.

“Alright, it says here that we’ve got to use this bar to relieve the tension on one of the return roller wheels… wherever they are, then use this–” Celestia pulled out another, smaller crowbar right next to where the original was housed. “– to remove the wheel and check for damages. The other, pointy end can be used to separate individual links to replace them if necessary, too.”

“Let us get started then, sister. The sooner we get started, the sooner we get to start looking for a way home!” Luna exclaimed. “So, where are the return roller wheels?”

Celestia brought the manual back in front of her eyes. “It says that they’re the top wheels on the track, and that they’re hiding behind this sheet of metal.” Her crowbar tapped against the metal on the tank’s side. “There are four bolts holding this sheet to the main hull…” Celestia’s crowbar tapped against four separate spots as Luna hopped up and onto the tank’s hull, following along its path.

“I see them. They are tiny, but must be strong,” Luna remarked, regarding the bolts holding the sheet to the hull. Magically, she torqued one, and it started unscrewing. She looked over to Celestia, smiling, “‘Tia, I will handle them.”

Celestia nodded, going over the manual’s last few pages again. Luna removed all four bolts with her magic simultaneously, before the panel loudly slid down and off the tank’s side. Celestia’s ears perked at the sudden sound and she quickly hopped to the side, avoiding the panel currently crashing to the ground. “Luna, you must be more careful! What if the panel was damaged?”

“Sorry, ‘Tia. I thought it would have hung there for a second. Anyway, our path is now unobstructed!” Luna cheered, bending her neck down to look at their prize. “It is… much more bare than I had thought it would have been. I mean, there are only three of them!”

Luna’s description was accurate, the now-revealed part of the tank’s suspension was surprisingly easy to figure out. As the track wrapped around the top wheel, it just shot back to the rear in a straight line, its weight supported by three much-smaller wheels.

“Alright, so we have to lift the track off one of these wheels–” Celestia grabbed the longer bar from Luna, sliding it into a slot right next to a wheel, before lifting it, and the track, off the wheel. “– and then we slide the other one here…” Her smaller crowbar fit into the wheel, and she pulled sharply. There was a loud snap, and the wheel fell to the ground.

Luna looked on as Celestia removed the wheel. “Sister, I do not think that was a good sound. Hopefully we can fix that.” Luna lept down and they both examined the wheel, then the mount. There were two bolts in it, now sheared off, with some left still on the mount, while the wheel was deformed slightly where Luna had pulled it.

“Hopefully we can get those out, and replace them, Luna,” Celestia spoke. ‘Otherwise, this could be bad,’ Celestia added in her own mind. She looked down at the bolts, then to her diagram. “And now I feel silly. I accidentally missed a step that didn’t translate properly.”

Luna smirked cheekily. “The Wise and All-powerful Princess Celestia making a mistake? That must be a first!” Luna received a hurt look, but the shine in Celestia’s eyes betrayed her true feelings at the joke. Luna kept her tone, “Alright, I will go see if we can find another return-wheel-thing for the Great and Infallible Princess Celestia to fix.” Celestia repressed her urge to giggle like a filly.

“Alright, Luna. See if you can find one for the ‘Ageless and Beautiful Princess Celestia’ to fix!” Celestia’s royal tone was betrayed by her widening smile.

“Do take care not to let your ego best you, oh Humble and Down to Earth Princess Celestia,” Luna called back, hopping to the tank’s other side.

The dam finally broke and Celestia laughed. Not the gentle giggle most would hear when a poor joke was told, but a full, incapacitating guffaw. She rolled onto her back, laughing uncontrollably, as Luna keeled over, laughing much the same on the other side.

After a minute, both sisters calmed down and Luna set about finding another wheel to replace the broken one. “Oh Wonderful and Approachable Princess Celestia, another wheel has been appropriated for your usage!” Luna hopped back over to Celestia’s side of the tank, clearly struggling to hold her laughter in. She set another wheel and two bolts down next to her sister.

“Thank you, oh Wise and Beautiful Princess Luna! It is just the one I’d been looking for.” Celestia gave her sister a bow before giggling like a filly. Both sisters quickly descended into another laughing fit.

As the latest attempt to choke on her own laughter died away, Celestia sighed loudly. “Oh Luna, thank you for that. Truly, that was what I missed the most when you were away.” She shook her head. “But you’re back, and we’re not likely going anywhere without each other anytime soon.”

“I agree there, ‘Tia.” Luna hopped down and bopped Celestia’s schnoz with a wingtip. “Beside that, with whom else would you chat and act like a silly pony with, other than myself? Twilight Sparkle?”

Celestia’s ears pinned back. “Well, yes, bu–”

Luna interrupted her, holding her wingtip back over Celestia’s mouth. “She is more like a daughter than a student, is she not?” Celestia nodded. “I rest my case.”

Removing her wing, Luna lifted the broken wheel and inspected it again. Finding where the bolts were sheared in two, she checked the mount. Luna gripped the two remaining bolt pieces in her magic and turned them, slowly backing them free. Once the obstruction was clear Luna motioned to Celestia, who hefted the new wheel into position.

“Alright, now we have to line the holes up and insert the new bolts. Could I get a little light, ‘Tia?” No more than a second later, Celestia’s horn poked her in the cheek, shining weakly. “Thank you, sister.”

Luna spun the wheel slowly with a hoof, eventually lining the holes up. She tapped Celestia once. “Bolts, please.” Both bolts levitated right onto her nose, followed by a cheeky giggle. “Thanks.” Her own horn lit and one lifted into position, turning slowly. After a minute, the bolt and its friend were snugly in place, securing the wheel to the mount.

“There!” Luna backed out and away from the tank, looking at her hoofwork. “Now that the wheel is changed, let us inspect the track for any damage.”

Celestia was way ahead of her, checking the track as best she could, even turning a road-wheel invisible to view the track underneath it. “So far it looks in good condition, other than being a bit dirty. Though, that’s to be expected.”

“Really, sister? I expected it to be immaculate, after running through the sand and forest like that,” Luna deadpanned. A minute more and they finished their inspection.

“It appears to be in perfect working order, Luna. Let’s hope that the replacement is secured tightly enough,” Celestia spoke reassuringly.

Luna huffed childishly. “I am sure it will, ‘Tia. After all, I replaced it.”

“Oh yes, the Mechanical Savant Princess Luna has saved the day once again!” Luna struck a heroic pose with a hoof pointing straight forward, as Celestia continued, “However will we hope to keep up with her greatness?”

Luna held her pose as she replied, “Oh, there is no hope for anypony to catch up to my greatness! Well, none for anypony other than my sister, but I have not seen her smiling face in quite a while. I fear she may never return.” She giggled again before lifting the damaged wheel and replacing it where she found the spare.

“Yes, wherever could she be? Wherever she is, I hope she’s alright.” Celestia struck the same pose Luna had a few seconds earlier. “Until she returns, I shall stay with you, Luna!”

Luna jumped down and ran back over to Celestia, matching her pose, their outstretched hooves bumping together. “Then the greatest of friendships has been forged!” They collapsed together laughing again.

After calming down Celestia thanked her sister, “Truly, this fooling around is what I’d missed. Thank you.”

“It was no problem, ‘Tia. Is there anything else to look over on the Abrams?” Luna asked.

Celestia looked to the manual before shaking her head. “Not really, Lulu. Just calibrating the gauges and realigning the cannon’s sights, but those shouldn’t need to be done.” She stepped forward, looking to the cannon. “It says something about that needing to be done every three or four operations.” She flipped a page and hummed for a second. “The rest of this can only be done with some kind of specialized lift. It appears we’re done, sister.”

“Alright then, ‘Tia. Come, let us look over the Thunderbolt.” Luna motioned a hoof to the plane, before making her way over to it. Celestia followed, stopping only to retrieve the plane’s manual.

“Well, we can give the wheels, body, and engines a once-over, Luna. Everything else here has to be done with more equipment,” Celestia sighed, snapping the book shut sharply. ‘This requiring special equipment thing’s really putting a dampener on our together-time here.’

“Well, let us look it over then, ‘Tia. The sooner we get this done, we will be able to focus on going home.”

Celestia hopped up to the top of one of the wings, inspecting the engine in the rear as best she could. Luna stood underneath, inspecting the wing’s underside for any damage. Finding nothing wrong, they moved to the other side. Celestia spoke softly, “Well, sister, there’s nothing that appears wrong with the engines, as best I can tell.”

“There appears to be nothing wrong with these wings, either,” Luna replied, bumping her horn against a wing lightly as she got out from underneath it. Luna shrugged with her wings, stretching them. “Well, with that done, we focus on going home, then.”

Celestia still stood on top of the plane and she noticed something coming from the forest. As it neared, her eyes widened in realization. “Sister, look! Is that what I think it is?” Celestia pointed to the nearing cloud of green smoke.

Luna looked where her sister had pointed, and her eyes widened in realization. “It is! A message! How did it find us here?”

“I intend to find out, Luna.” The smoke cloud hovered in front of her horn patiently, almost stuck to the end as she hopped down to the ground. A quick flash of Celestia’s horn and the smoke cloud spun itself into a scroll. Celestia quickly opened it up and read aloud.

Dear Princess Celestia,

This message has been enchanted with a locator spell. Hopefully it doesn’t run out of charge before the message reaches you. If it does, please send it back with a return address. No, Spike, don’t write that. Discord’s just being himself. Don’t write that either! From what Discord’s told us, this is all some kind of accident and we’re working hard to get you home. He’s been surprisingly helpful, actually.

In the meantime, I’ve been trying to keep Equestria calm in your stead, along with raising the sun and moon. That particular endeavor has seen mixed results. If-no, when you get back, Princess, you’ll definitely have your work cut out for you, especially with the nobles.

Anyways, I’ve rambled on long enough. Discord says that there’s some kind of spell he wants to try to use to find you, but this won’t be the only message I’ll send. They’ll all be slightly different, just to make them distinguishable for when you return. Then maybe we’ll have a viable form of long-range communication between worlds if the need arises!

Make sure to tell Luna I said hi!

Your Faithful Student fellow Princess,

Twilight Sparkle

Message 03, Magically-boosted Dragonfire Communication Spell

P.S. Spike here. Twi’s been up most of the last 24 hours trying to keep a city-wide riot at bay. She’s starting to get a little loopy. I’ll make sure she gets to bed after this letter.

Celestia set down the letter. “Well, that was certainly… something.” Luna spoke, looking shocked. “At least they’re trying to help us get home!”

Not a second later, a second cloud of smoke, this one angrily flashing red, hovered over to the pair before attaching itself to Luna’s horn this time. Not wasting any time, Luna flashed the smoke cloud into a scroll. Luna unrolled it and before she could start, the scroll started reading itself aloud, nearly shrieking the words that had been written.

Dear Princess Loony,

Where are you? We looked all over the castle and you and Sunny were missing! I be- Sorry, Pinkie started screaming into the letter, and now it’s going to have that tone.
The letter sighed audibly.

Anyways, we’re doing our best to find you, blah blah blah, each message is different, yadda yadda radda. Twilight says that one or more of these is bound to find you sooner or later. I just hope this one isn’t one of them.

The other letters will probably say this much less plainly, but I’m sorry. This was all an accident and I’m hoping you come home soon. And not angry. Mostly that last part.

There’s other letters to write, so I’ll just send this on its way.

Hopefully still your friend,

Discord

P.S. Next time we drink like that, no magic afterwards. Learned that lesson well enough right now with Sparkle breathing down my neck.

When the screaming stopped, both sisters exchanged glances before pointing at each other and laughing again. Both of their manes had been blown straight back and now stuck that way, only waving slightly in place.

They both exclaimed at the same time, “Your mane!” Luna attempted to run a hoof through her mane, trying to get it to return to normal, but it stubbornly stuck blown-back as it was.

As they ruffled their hair into a more normal state over a few minutes, Celestia noticed something in the forest had changed. Gone were the birds chirping, rustling leaves, and any other sound that their current dwelling had produced. It was dead silent. Celestia lit her horn and re-established the mental link with Luna.

“Luna. Listen,” Celestia commanded her sister over their mental link, looking around them. Luna’s ears perked up and swivelled around, trying to locate what her sister asked.

“It is quiet, ‘Tia,” Luna replied after a minute.

“Exactly. Where’re the forest’s normal sounds? I hear no wind, no animals, nothing. Something isn’t right,” Celestia explained, looking about.

Luna shuddered. “‘Tia, I think we should probably get moving. If we have to return eventually to go home, we can. But I don’t like this feeling.”

A small crunch broke the silence, and both of their heads whirled around to look at what made the noise. At the clearing’s edge was a biped, one from the camp. It was dressed like they’d seen before, in some kind of armor with a portable, miniaturized version of the Abrams’ cannon.

Celestia bolted to her hooves. “They’ve found us! Luna, get to your plane, we need to run!”

As she stood, the biped yelled something unintelligible, yet menacing. It brandished its weapon, pointing it at them. Celestia lit her horn again, ripping the weapon from the biped and throwing it into the distance.

“Go, Luna. I’ll turn it around when you’re inside.” Celestia’s horn shined brighter, and a small shield appeared around herself and Luna, while much larger shields appeared around their vehicles. Hopefully safe for now, both sisters moved to their vehicles. The smaller shields faded as they entered the vehicles’ larger bubbles.

Once inside the Abrams, Celestia telekinetically lifted and turned the Thunderbolt around, so it could take off. “Go, Luna. I’ll catch up in a moment,” Celestia spoke to Luna.

“I will cover you as best I can, ‘Tia.” Luna started the engines and waited only long enough for them to get up to speed before rocketing off into the sky.

Celestia ducked down into the tank and started its engine, before looking about for where Luna had taken off to. Deciding on a direction away from the camp, she headed into the forest.

“Sister! I see a portal! I think it’s Twilight!” Luna’s voice exclaimed over their link. “Oh. It is on an island. On the lake near the camp.” Luna’s tone grew depressed.

“Where would that be in relation to the sun, Luna?” Celestia asked, spotting the sun through the treetops.

“Put the sun on your right wing, sister.” A plane roared over the treetops, close enough to make them sway with its contrail.

“Thank you, Lulu.” As Celestia shot through the forest, dodging rocks and trees, trundling over the occasional young sapling, she heard the distinct sound of other engines off in the distance.

“Be careful, I think they brought a full force this time, Luna. I hear other tanks in the forest.” The rumbling grew steadily louder, and Celestia crashed through a few large bushes. Immediately, she was upon six other Abrams tanks, their turrets looking in other directions. Almost reflexively, she drove between the two that had started to turn toward her, and through the formation.

“If they have their other tanks looking for us, I imagine the planes cannot be far behind,” Luna added helpfully.

“The other tanks are after me, Luna. Is there any way we can speed this Abrams up?” Celestia asked. A few seconds later, the area around her lit up in explosions as the other tanks fired at her.

“Once you clear the forest, we can see about hooking our two vehicles together. If we can’t lose them, we might have to do it on the move,” Luna replied morosely.

“If we have to, we have to, Luna. We won’t have a choice at that point,” Celestia growled at her sister over the link before realizing her tone. “I’m sorry, Luna. You didn’t deserve that.”

“It is fine, ‘Tia. I know you meant nothing by it,” Luna replied seriously.

As the tanks shelled Celestia, only occasionally did they strike home, knocking small holes in her shield. Celestia reinforced her shield each time it was hit, but ignored the heat and occasional bit of molten metal that made it through to her.

“I’m just leaving the forest right now, Luna. Where are you?” Celestia asked, her tank picking up to its maximum speed as it neared the forest’s edge.

“Look up.” Luna’s plane roared overhead, distinguishable by the shield Celestia had given it earlier. It looked a little dim, so Celestia reinforced it as best she could.

“They keep on firing at me, Luna. We’ll have to do this on the move.”

“Alright, sister. Create or acquire some long chains or ropes that you can use to attach our vehicles together.” There was still several miles to go until they reached the lake, so Celestia stepped out and on top of the Abrams, looking about for anything that might be usable.

“They’ll have to be magically lengthened, but I found what appears to be two towing cables, Luna.”

Luna’s plane circled back and wove a tight circle high above Celestia. “Levitate them above the tank, I will do it. It looks like if you take on any more strain, you might cascade.”

Celestia lifted the cables up and outside the shield, where Luna took them over in her telekinesis. Straightening up, she hooked them to a mount on each wing.

“How long do you think they need to be, ‘Tia?” Luna asked, lengthening the cables to several times their original length.

“Long enough that if I get stopped suddenly, you won’t find yourself pointed at the ground a second or two later,” Celestia replied sarcastically.

“Ha ha, ‘Tia. Very funny,” Luna shot back, lengthening them more. “Alright, these should be long enough. How are we going to do this?”

“Make another pass, and I’ll hook them up as you pass over slowly,” Celestia stated preparing herself for what was to come.

Luna peeled off, quickly circling around behind Celestia, the cables dragging several feet off the ground now.

“Luna, can you slow down more? You’re passing by too quickly.”

“No, sister. I’m at minimum speed to remain airborne, if I slow down any more, this plane is liable to fall out of the sky.” Luna’s voice brokered no arguments about slowing down any further.

Celestia face-hoofed at the sudden thought. “Make another pass, but lower. It’ll give me some slack to use and hook them up quickly then.”

Luna’s plane descended and circled around again. Celestia grabbed the two cables, and hooked them into position on the front end, near the tracks. As Luna’s plane pulled past, the cables pulled taut, and the tank jerked forward for a split second before disaster struck. The cables snapped out of the hooks on the Abrams and flew free, one nearly striking Celestia as it careened wildly.

“The cables snapped free from the strain, Luna. Can you reinforce them?” Celestia asked.

“Give me a few seconds, sister.” The cables quickly glowed blue before Luna turned around for a final pass. “They should hold this time. Though, you should fuse your end to the hull, since I imagine the hooks are broken, right?”

“Yep. That was my plan, Lulu.” Again the cables draped over Celestia’s tank, and she quickly used some of her magic to superheat the cables’ ends to the hull, where the hooks used to be. As they pulled taut again, the tank lurched, but the cables stayed attached, and it picked up speed. Celestia stepped back down into the turret, looking to the sky as another plane joined Luna’s in the sky, strafing her shield with gunfire. Several others flew past the Thunderbolt as well, but made no attempts to attack it.

“I’m hooked up, Luna!” No sooner had Celestia spoken, when Luna’s Thunderbolt accelerated, pulling the tank faster and faster. Looking one last time to the magically reinforced cables connecting her Abrams to Luna’s Thunderbolt, she sighed. “Are you sure these cables will hold?”

“I am sure, ‘Tia, I reinforced them. I just hope that suspension on your tank can handle the extra speed without tearing itself apart,” Luna’s tone grew worried as she spoke to Celestia through their mental link. A loud whine approached, then passed overhead quickly and departed before Luna continued, “My shield has taken several hits since I took off, they are desperate to take me down. Could you reinforce it?”

“Alright, Luna. I’m coming up to reinforce the shields.” At her sister’s behest, Celestia made her way on top of the Abrams. As she stepped out onto the turret, a rear hoof bumped against a box, which started playing sound.

Each word in that sentence is a song. Pick whichever one you want. Or your own, if you’ve got a better choice. Be wary of ads, too.

Celestia listened to the sound, now recognizing it as some kind of alien music, letting her hoof tap along to its rhythm. ‘This is their music? It’s not bad. Anyways, I must get to work.’ Focusing, Celestia lit her horn and reinforced the shield protecting their vehicles, and themselves, from harm as they sped toward the portal.

“Sister? Hold onto something, your tank will be hitting the water in just a few seconds.” Luna’s voice echoed in her head. She turned to regard the calm lake that separated them from the portal. Overhead, a plane streaked by, strafing Luna’s Thunderbolt with gunfire. Celestia grunted loudly as the force tore at her concentration, but the shield held, glowing much weaker now. She forced more power into the shield, restoring it to its previous sheen. She ducked her head back into the turret and grabbed their regalia, and as she pulled back out she poked the box, accidentally turning its music up louder.

As she stood back up, she noticed the water was much closer in the few seconds that had passed, she hunkered down in preparation for the coming trouble.

“Luna, punch it. We’ll need all the speed we can get to get across this lake without sinking.” Far behind them, the six Abrams tanks took aim and fired at Celestia. Only one round struck home, finding its way against Celestia’s shield. The tank’s shell managed to create a coin-sized hole in the shield, and its remaining force showered Celestia, and the turret she rode on, in molten tungsten again. Celestia, used to her own sun’s heat, largely ignored it while what was left of their regalia that was sitting at her hooves melted down. Looking down, she noticed the gold and silver pooling about her rear hooves and she quickly hit it with a bit of ice magic to secure her herself against the Abrams’ turret as she smirked.

“It is already punched, sister.” Not two seconds later, the Abrams left the dirt and started onto the water. The extra speed provided from Luna’s Thunderbolt kept the Abrams from sinking, though it did pitch backward dangerously at first. The two vehicles slowly bled momentum from the Abrams’ water resistance, but determinedly kept on towards their goal.

Celestia turned and fixed her own shield in time for another shell to slam against it, glancing off to the side this time. “They are persistent, Luna. I fear that we may have to drive them off or worse before venturing through the portal.”

“I agree, bu– I think I see Twilight Sparkle, sister!” Celestia turned around toward the portal and squinted slightly, noticing a little purple dot hovering in place nearby. A purple dome shot up over the portal, with a large hole in the side, big enough for Luna’s plane to fly through.

As they made their way across the lake, one plane made the unfortunate mistake of staying in front of Luna's plane too long. She fired a short burst from her plane's gun and tore it apart, sending pieces falling to the ground. The waters around Celestia's tank were whipped up from the enemy tanks continuing to fire at her. She looked to face where the fire was coming from and reinforced the shield again, immersing herself even more into the music that came from inside the tank.

During a reprieve from attacks, the song grew intense. While falling into the music's trance, she closed her eyes and rose to stand only on her rear hooves, her wings spread wide for balance. She held her forehooves out in front of herself, spread almost as wide as her wings and she took in the music completely. Her head and neck continued to bounce along with the music as she committed the song to memory. After a minute, the song died away, another one started to play, but Luna's voice interrupted her trance. “Look sharp, 'Tia. We're across the lake.”

As the Abrams hit land again, the worst came to pass. A loud snap came from the right side and Celestia looked to see pieces and parts of the track and suspension shoot off and away. Looking behind her, what was left of the track slid out from under the vehicle and came to a stop. In response to half of its suspension taking such damage, the tank pulled sharply to the right. Celestia used her magic to quickly melt the cables and the metal securing herself to its turret, separating the two vehicles as she leapt clear. The Abrams’ remaining track dug into the mud and its momentum carried it into a roll. As it lost momentum, the turret came off and slid to a stop while the rest of the tank stopped several dozen feet in the distance. Celestia didn’t notice, but the cables had already pulled taut and ripped themselves, along with a small chunk on each wing, from the Thunderbolt, sending Luna into a wild roll.

“Luna! The Abrams is damaged, I’ve released the cables. Get to the portal and cover me, if you can.” She quickly cast another bubble shield around herself, dropping the one around what was left of the Abrams.

Luna quickly recovered and took stock of the damage. “I will cover you, but I will not go on without you. We pass through the portal together, or not a–” Luna grunted as another plane strafed hers, firing both guns and missiles this time. “–or not at all.” The shield around Luna’s plane had all but disappeared now. Celestia noticed a second plane coming in for another attack on Luna.

Trying and failing to reinforce Luna’s shield from their distance apart, she called out to her sister, “Luna, dive quickly! There’s a second one behind you!”

Luna dropped altitude, but she wasn’t going to get clear before the plane attacked her. Thinking quickly, Celestia’s horn took on a second, then third, overglow as she pushed herself into a cascade, her magic output switching from linear to exponential. Time seemed to slow down for her as she thought, ‘I hope that I don’t pay for this in a few seconds, but I have no choice.’ The Abrams’ turret, lying on the ground, was surrounded in her telekinesis and she picked it up.

‘This thing weighs nearly as much as Luna’s whole plane does!’ She focused on the turret as she remembered its layout. First, she popped the ammo box hatch open and floated out a shell and charge, loading them into the breech magically.

“Sister, if you could reinforce my shield, I would greatly appreciate it!” Luna’s voice chimed in. Celestia maneuvered the turret to face toward the plane attacking Luna.

‘I wish I had Twilight’s nearly savant-mind here, she’d be able to calculate the physics necessary for this shot in time…’ She flipped off the gun’s safety and got ready to press down on the trigger. “You’re too far away, Luna. I can’t, not without further triggering my cascade. But I can do this.” She pressed down on the trigger, and the cannon fired. Whereas, when the turret had the rest of the tank’s mass to dissipate the cannon’s recoil, it now had none. Celestia lost her grip on the turret after the shell left the barrel, coming crashing back to the ground. Celestia prayed that she had aimed properly, watching the shell speed toward the attacking plane.

Just when she thought she’d gotten lucky, the shell started to drop. It dropped too far. Celestia’s eyes widened as she realized her folly. ‘Oh no. Oh no… NO!’ “Luna, run! Get out of there, Luna!” A scream tore its way from Celestia’s throat as the shell she fired impacted her own shield that surrounded Luna’s plane. It tore through the shield like it was nothing, and the backlash from the shield failing went just as ignored, turning the plane's rear half into little more than a falling fireball. The canopy popped off the Thunderbolt just after the shell impacted, but she saw nothing emerge. The attacking plane disengaged and retreated at the sight, moving much more slowly this time. ‘I… Luna…’ As the Thunderbolt’s flaming wreck dropped past the tree line, Celestia looked back to the forgotten turret.

Almost mechanically, she lifted it up again. Despite the tears in her eyes she aimed, compensating better for the distance this time as she reloaded the cannon and fired. Even when the shell hit and destroyed the attacking plane, she was numb. Twice, she was attacked by other planes, but her shield held. ‘Luna… What have I done?’ As they attacked her, she returned fire, and when all but one that retreated were all destroyed, the turret hit the ground one last time, its edges glowing red-hot and various panels dented and warped from her cascade and the heat.

“‘Tia? Sister, are you alright? You are strangely quiet after screaming at me like that.” Celestia's ears perked up and she looked toward where her sister's plane had fallen. In the distance, a small, blue dot hovered just above the tree line. “What hit me, ‘Tia? Even the weapons on the other planes were not that powerful.” The dot quickly approached, followed by a second, smaller dot. Celestia quickly realized that the first dot was something Luna was carrying with her as she returned, and it was much larger than she was. “‘Tia? Are you still there?”

The sole remaining plane in the sky made its way over to Luna, attempting to attack her again, but before Celestia could destroy it, the thing Luna was carrying with her spat fire at the plane, tearing a wing off. The plane spiraled out of control and sailed into the tree line.

Taking this small reprieve from being attacked, opened a hole in her shield and she doused the turret in water, cooling it off. “Yes, Luna. I am fine. I thought I had lost you!” In short order, Luna landed next to Celestia, the shield’s hole closing up. Luna's coat was covered in soot, with a few patches of fur missing, but otherwise appeared hale and healthy.

Noticing her sister's condition, Celestia nearly tackled Luna in a hug as a thud sounded nearby. “I couldn't reinforce your shield from that distance!” She sniffled once, hugging Luna harder. “I picked up the tank's turret and fired at the plane, but…” she trailed off, looking away ashamedly. “I wasn't accurate enough.” Her eyes watered up.

Luna looked shocked and tried to pull back. “It wasn't that plane that hit me, was it? It was you.” Celestia gripped her sister tighter, nodding once. “‘Tia, it was an accident. I know you didn't mean to hit me.” Luna bopped her sister on the nose with a wingtip, speaking more forcefully, “Sister. Look at me.” She forced Celestia to look her in the eyes with a hoof as she spoke, “Celestia. It. Was. An accident. I am alive.” Celestia blinked, her eyes fearful. “You know full well that this dust and dirt on my coat is nothing. You may have missed the first shot, but while I was looking over the Thunderbolt's wreck, I noticed that other plane explode just as violently as my own did.” She looked into Celestia's eyes again, noticing her pleading look. Luna slumped slightly, giving up. “Oh, fine. Get it over with. I know you will not forgive yourself until you do…”

Celestia stepped back and cast a spell unique to herself. While it was a healing spell, it didn't actually heal injuries. It only transferred them from another pony to the caster. There were only three beings still alive that knew of her old title, 'Bleeding Heart' Celestia, and one was sitting in front of her and she, herself, was the second. Luna's wounds healed, her fur grew back and the same patches fell off Celestia. She fell to her haunches and panted slightly as she took on her sister's stamina drain as well. When all was said and done, Luna was immaculate.

As Celestia took her sister's injuries as her own, Luna gestured to the item she brought back with her, lying on the ground nearby. “I managed to salvage the Avenger from the Thunderbolt, by the way. After this adventure, I am taking it as a souvenir to remember this trip, even if it doesn't work anymore. I think you should take the turret as well.”

Celestia seemed to pause for a second. “No. I’m not taking it. I already hurt you with it, and I wish to be rid of it for good.” She looked over to the turret disdainfully.

“Take it, sister. If for no other reason than to remember this trip. It will help you remember that nopony is perfect. Everypony makes mistakes, even you, dear sister.”

Ears folding back, Celestia grumbled, more to herself than her sister, “I make mistakes more often than you think, Luna.”

Luna nuzzled into her sister's neck. “I know you do. Still, take it. If for no other reason than to remember that.”

As the last word left Luna’s mouth, several explosions smashed against and around Celestia’s shield. Already weakened from taking her sister’s injuries, Celestia fell to her knees and cried out, but the shield held, glowing much less vibrantly. Luna looked about and spotted the six Abrams tanks speeding toward the shoreline, aiming directly at them.

“Celestia, the tanks have returned!” Luna cried out, pointing in their direction.

“I see them, Luna.” Luna looked over to her sister, noticing Celestia’s third glow on her horn as the shield took on a much more solid hue. Her eyes widened with one realization.

“How close to a cascade are you, sister? I can take over shielding us if you wish.” Celestia stood, a fourth coating of overglow appearing. The Abrams turret lifted into the air and whipped around to face the six remaining interlopers. She fired at one of the tanks, the shell striking true against the turret, but failing to do any noticeable damage to it.

“I already have, Luna. Just a very minor one, but any further and the area will get hot quickly.” A hole large enough for Luna to exit appeared on the shield, facing the portal. “You might want to take cover near the portal, Luna. I’m taking the fight to them. They’ve attacked us for the last time.” Celestia stood, her front legs stomping down on the ground hard enough to leave small depressions in the ground. A second later, more shells struck her shield uselessly.

‘Oh horseapples. This is not good. This is far beyond just anger.’ Luna thought, noticing Celestia’s change in demeanor. “Celestia. You need to calm down. Going after them is exactly what they want you to do.”

“I know. I don’t care. I nearly lost you, Luna. Multiple times. I’m ending this fight now. Then we can return to Equestria. I do not wish to hurt you, Luna. So please, take cover by the portal.” More shells slammed into the shield, utterly ignored at this point.

“I will not, Celestia.” Luna stomped a hoof down, creating a matching hole on the ground they stood on. “I told you earlier. We survive together, or die together. I will not let you fight this battle alone.” Luna met her sister’s gaze. The tanks continued to pound the shield before Celestia blinked.

“Only if you’re sure, Luna. You know of my power during a cascade. I cannot protect you completely from harm.” Celestia’s mane and tail started to flow much faster, from a calm wind into much like that of a hurricane’s gale force winds. A fifth coating of overglow appeared on her horn, and the air inside the shield grew increasingly hot and stuffy.

“You do not have to.” Luna chuckled, her tone less serious, “Besides, what is a few burned feathers and having to regrow some fur to us? We pretty much had do that every other week after defeating Discord. If nothing else, give me two minutes to enchant this Avenger. It is nearly out of ammunition and is slightly damaged from the crash.”

Celestia snorted. “Alright, Luna, you’ve got your two minutes. After that, I’m taking the fight to them.” The fifth and fourth glows died away and the again red-hot Abrams turret slammed into the ground. Again, the turret was doused with lake water, which faded to steam as Celestia sat back down and shut her eyes pensively, focusing on the shield.

Luna quickly grabbed the Avenger and looked it over once more. ‘It appears to be in working condition…’ She sniffed once, wrinkling her nose. ‘Though I will need to enchant the barrels to spin, that last burst burned out something in the motor…’ Detaching the drum from the weapon, she looked at the rest of the weapon. ‘Alright, so it feeds from this area, draws through to the barrels, and back into the drum? It must be to save the unused parts to reuse them again. That saves me a bit of magic.’

Reattaching the drum and connecting the feeds, Luna wove three enchantments over the weapon. The first set the barrels to spin quickly, adjustable as necessary. The second replenished the ammunition in the drum as spent casings returned to it and took the most from her reserves of the three, as well as a minute of her allotted time. The third was an enhanced durability enchantment on the barrels and feed systems to prevent jamming and warping from overheating. Just as she hefted the weapon and tested the spinning enchantment, Celestia stood back up and took an aggressive stance, her horn regaining its fourth and fifth overglow.

“Your time’s up Luna. Are you sure you’re ready?” Celestia looked back to Luna, concern evident in her eyes, despite the anger showing on the rest of her face and posture.

“I am. Let us finish this.” Celestia opened a hole in the shield and fired a single bolt of golden magic from her horn, three of the five overglows disappearing as the bolt left her horn as her mane and tail returned to their previous calmly flowing state.

The bolt slammed into the left-most tank’s turret, where the gun met the turret proper. Instantly, the metal turned white hot and began to warp and melt. What was left of the bolt continued through and into the crew compartment, before finding and melting into the ammunition rack. A few seconds later, the heat and melting metal set the rack off and the turret’s rear blew out, spilling orange, blue, and white flames.

“That’s one of them. Let’s get the other five, Luna. Then we can go home.” Celestia strode forward, dropping the shield once the latest barrage came to an end. “Now, sister. Let us finish this!” Celestia grabbed the turret and tried to take off, completely forgetting its weight rendered her too heavy to fly. Yelping surprisedly in realization, she splashed into the lake. As she disappeared underwater, the area around her quickly boiled and let off steam from the heat. Just as suddenly, the glow around turret disappeared and it dropped to the ground, and Celestia surfaced a few seconds later. Luna stood nearby, a smirk on her face. “Right. That was stupid of me. Let us never talk about that. I’ll stay here and provide support then, since I cannot fly.” She hefted the turret once more and fired, the shell striking one of the middle tank’s tracks, immobilizing it.

“Sister, why don’t you just hit them each with another bolt like the first one?” Luna asked, legitimately confused.

“I can’t keep firing those, Luna. I don’t have the energy to fire another two, let alone five, with the drain I took on healing you.”

Luna took to the sky, the Avenger hovering along in her telekinesis. “You are right. I had simply forgotten about that.” The remaining four mobile tanks quickly reversed and spread out, making themselves less of a single target and continued to fire at Celestia.

“Take them out, sister. It appears they’re focused on killing me.” Celestia kept the turret close, constantly moving with a small, mobile directional shield in front of herself to deflect the remaining tanks’ fire.

Luna soared into the sky, circling the fight. ‘From what I remember, their armor should be the weakest at the top and the rear… I wonder which is the weakest.’ She swooped down, Avenger spewing shot after shot down into the previously-immobilized tank. After a few seconds of fire, her own velocity slowed, stopped, and reversed, despite the dive she was in. Luna cut her fire off, resuming her dive. ‘Well then… Guess I am sticking with small bursts, lest I become a sitting target.’

Her fire was minimally effective, only a few finding their home inside the vehicle itself. One made its way into the engine, setting it aflame. The crew quickly abandoned the vehicle, making a dash for the forest, then the camp.

After a few seconds, Luna discarded the brief thought of killing the unarmed bipeds fleeing the vehicle. ‘They have no weapons, and I will not stoop to that level.’ She changed tactics and came around at one of the other tanks from behind, Avenger firing as soon as she was lined up. Bursting fire for a half second at a time, she kept her speed and riddled the tank’s rear with fire. Like the first one she targeted, its engine was set aflame, but both tracks had been blown apart where they met the engine itself. Again, much like the other tank, its crew abandoned it, then the battlefield altogether.

Luna let out an audible whoop in excitement. “That makes three, Celestia. How are you holding up?” Luna passed over the tanks at speed, flying out over the lake, before doubling back.

Celestia sighed into their link. “I’m fine, Luna. Truthfully, I’m sick of this place. Finish it quickly, then let us return home.” While Luna dealt with those two, Celestia and the remaining tanks traded fire, with Celestia dodging with fancy hoofwork that would make any freerunner proud. She aimed as well as she could, but only once scored any kind of damaging hit on her opponent, a glancing blow against the hull’s side, knocking off a pair of plates that left part of its left track exposed. Celestia’s shield had taken one direct hit, and another had struck along the turret’s top, showering its inside with molten tungsten. After the turret was damaged, she had to drop it and focus on cooling it down, lest its own ammunition explode from the heat that the striking shell and her own magic imparted into it. When the turret hit the ground, it was glowing more yellow than the deep red her magic had heated it to previously.

“Luna, I can’t return fire, the turret can’t take any more heat, else it will melt or explode,” Celestia spoke frankly, urging her sister on to finishing it off. ‘Or both.’

“I am just starting a dive now, sister. Can you hold out for a minute or so?” Luna asked back, picking up speed to attack the final tank from behind.

“I can, now that I can fly,” Celestia responded. Celestia dodged another shell, taking to the sky as she was no longer hindered by the turret’s weight. She made sure to keep the tanks’ attention as she peppered them with miniscule little magic bolts, nowhere near the power or intensity she’d used before.

Luna attacked a tank, and set it ablaze, much like the two before it. The other two quickly accelerated and left Luna’s line of fire before turning to attack her. As the flaming tank’s crew fled, Luna climbed out of their line of fire.

Celestia took advantage of their distraction, firing another powerful magic bolt at one that faced away from her, striking its ammunition rack. The crew abandoned it quickly as the ammunition fires spilled over into the engine. The last tank took off, headed back toward the forest, and Luna dove straight at it, firing into the top of its turret. One of her shots managed to catch its left track after ricocheting off the turret, splintering a link into pieces. It quickly unravelled from the suspension and the wheels dug into the soft dirt, causing it to spin hard. From its momentum, it slid and rolled down the small hill, coming to a rest on its top.

Nothing seemed to emerge from the flipped tank as Luna made her way back to Celestia, setting the Avenger down by the turret and coming to hover next to her sister. Celestia was just scooping more water onto the turret, attempting to cool it slowly. “Well, that was certainly a one-sided fight, ‘Tia.”

Celestia nodded in agreement. “It was. I doubt this turret will be of much use to anypony, with the stress it just went through.” As she slowly cooled off the turret, its color changed back to red, then the tan it had been originally, though many of its panels were warped or bent and looked much more brittle than before. “Maybe I should keep it, just to remind myself not to carelessly heat and cool metals like that.” Luna chuckled, then broke out into full-bellied guffaws as she fell to the ground on her back. Celestia joined in, relieved that the fight was over. It was several minutes before their ears perked to the sound of a pair of flapping wings drawing closer.

“I hope I'm not interrupting anything, Princesses, but are you two going to come back to Equestria soon? Keeping this portal open isn’t easy.” A familiar voice broke up their moment. Both sisters looked over to see Twilight shakily landing nearby, bags under her eyes and mane unkempt. “Can we go home now? Please?”

“Twilight? How did you find us? We thought it might be weeks or months until we got home again.” Luna looked to Twilight, helping her sister to her hooves.

“I’ll tell you once we're home, Princess. We’re not safe here, that much is certain.” Twilight huffed, letting her tired state affect her attitude.

Luna chuckled. “Too true. Come sister, let us return home. Remember to take your souvenir.” She picked up the Avenger and pranced her way over toward Twilight.

Celestia sighed in defeat. “Fine. I’m taking it under protest.” She lifted the turret and all three made their way through the portal, letting it collapse on the other side.

Author's Note

WOO! Largest chapter to date! Written in two big sittings, really. The latter half of the chapter came first. Eh, it's not exactly the way my mental image went, but whatevs. Still suitably awesome in my book.

I'm honestly sorry to admit I actually considered crippling Luna there. My own conscious wouldn't let me, so I had to go light on the ouchies here.

This keyboard of mine has grown with me like a brother! Its clacking tells of my mind’s eye beholden to a story! TAKE THIS: My thoughts, my headcanon, and ALL OF MY KEYSTROKES!

Epilogue - All's Well That Ends Well, I Think

As soon as the three ponies passed through the portal’s threshold, along with their ‘trophies,’ it fell. Literally, it fell over before dissipating. The cool night settled around them, soothing Celestia and Luna’s adrenaline rushes from the battle.

“‘Tia?” Luna started, looking to her bedraggled sister as she set the Avenger off to the side softly.

The turret crashed to the ground, only partially crushing a shrub nearby, and Celestia stepped up on top of it. “Yes?” Celestia replied, laying down and curling up, as if to sleep.

“We are home,” Luna responded, her tone more to convince herself than to inform her sister. She looked around to see the Castle’s garden surrounding her. “We are home!” She stepped up onto the turret and prodded Celestia’s form a few times.

“I know, Lulu. I’m just beyond tired right now.” Celestia squirmed a bit at her sister’s poking. “I’m just going to sleep here, wherever here happens to be.”

“We’re outside, in the castle’s gardens, Celestia,” Twilight’s tired voice joined the conversation as she eyed the objects they’d brought home with them. “Sleep does sound like a great idea, too.”

“There’s more than enough room up here, Twilight. We’ll deal with everything after some rest.” An alabaster hoof patted a spot next to Celestia. Twilight hopped up and made her way over, snuggling into Celestia’s larger, warmer form easily.

“‘Tia? Aren’t you glad to be home?” Luna asked, giving her sister one last poke.

“I am, Lulu. But I can appreciate that feeling much more after I’ve gotten some rest. Today wasn’t a quick trot through the forest, after all,” Celestia’s voice was no more than a whisper.

“I… you bring up a fair point.” Luna yawned foalishly. “Now that the excitement is over, I am feeling much more tired too.” Luna laid down on Twilight’s other side, leaving the purple mare as the literal definition of between day and night.

Discord, who’d held the portal open on Equestria’s side, chuckled to himself at their exchange. He was tired too after expending that much energy to get the portal that close to the stranded princesses. ‘Well, they look like they’ve had quite the adventure. From the looks of things, Sunbu-Celestia’s used her gift again. Luna must’ve gotten hurt for that to happen.’

Turning and walking away, he snapped a claw once. A small light flashed off all three resting poines’ foreheads, just below their horns. ‘There. Moonbutt’s not the only one who can use dream magic.’

^^^^

Mysteriously, sunlight found its way into Celestia’s eyes. She sat up, her eyes unfocused and her hooves unsteady. Just a few hooflengths away, Luna lay asleep.

“Morning, Celestia. Did you sleep well?” A familiar voice drew her attention. Twilight sat on a bench nearby, a book hovering in her magic.

Looking to the mid-morning sun, Celestia replied, “I did, Twilight. If I might ask, who raised the sun this morning?”

Twilight blushed. “That would be me. And Discord. He helped.”

Her mind still muzzy, Celestia didn’t quite process that answer as well as she should’ve. “I see. We will have to speak to him later about this whole incident, but first… how have you been these last three days?”

Twilight tilted her head in confusion. “Three days? Princess, it’s been twelve days.” Now Celestia was wide awake.

“Truly it’s been that long? Counting the night we arrived, Luna and I only spent three nights there.” Celestia stood shakily, moving to stretch her wings and her legs.

“Without actually doing some research about that world and ours, their days and nights must be much longer than ours. Or something like that,” Twilight guessed, running a few calculations in her head.

“Despite how much you like to do research, Twilight, this is one thing I cannot let you do.” Celestia arched her back and received a satisfying pop before sighing. “That world’s inhabitants are far more dangerous than even the dragons or gryphons.”

“From what I saw you and Luna fighting, I agree.” Twilight stood and set the book on her bench. “Oh! If I may ask, what letters did you get? We sent roughly a dozen.”

“Luna received one, and I received one. I believe mine was marked with something about ‘Magically boosted dragonfire.’”

Twilight perked up. “So number three made it to you?” Twilight then turned to Luna’s still sleeping form. “Which one did your sister receive?”

“It was one of Discord’s. I remember it shouting at us.” Celestia walked to the edge of the turret before stepping down.

Luna groaned and turned over, away from Celestia’s noisy steps. “Five more minutes, ‘Tia. We implore thee…” she murmured.

Celestia’s stomach grumbled quietly. Teacher and student shared a look before Celestia smiled mischievously. Her horn lit, and the entire turret glowed before lifting off the ground. She cooed lightly, “Lulu, it’s time to get up. We’re going to get breakfast.”

Luna groaned once, before turning over and going back to sleep.

“Suit yourself. We’re still going to breakfast.” Celestia lifted the Avenger as well before motioning to Twilight. Twilight sighed and they made their way to the Castle, intent on finding the dining hall.

Twilight whispered up to Celestia, “You’re really going to carry her, asleep, along with those weapons the whole way?”

Celestia nodded silently. Luna snored once, quite loudly, causing both teacher and student to stop and hold a hoof to their mouth to keep their laughter in. After a moment, the feeling passed and they continue on.

With cheshire grins, Celestia and Twilight shushed anypony they come across as the pair, plus sleeping third, made their way to the dining hall. Once they’d arrived, Twilight cleared a few chairs out of the way and Celestia set the turret, Luna still asleep atop it, in the space. The Avenger was placed in a remote corner, out of everypony else’s way. Celestia and Twilight seated themselves and waited.

Not two minutes later, a servant came. He eyed the turret, and Luna sleeping on it, warily. “And what would you two like to eat this morning, your highnesses?”

“A stack of waffles sounds lovely this morning, doesn’t it, Twilight?” Celestia asked, looking to the only other conscious alicorn in the room.

Twilight nodded. “Yes it does, Celestia.”

The waiter eyed Luna again for a split second. “Excellent. Is there any particular flavor you wished to add?”

Celestia hummed for a second, holding her a hoof to her chin. “I’m feeling in the mood for raspberries this morning. What about you, Twilight?”

“I’m feeling like I want some blackberries, myself,” Twilight responded, the hint of a knowing grin creeping up on her face.

“Alright then. They should be ready shortly.” The waiter turned and made his way out of the dining hall.

Twilight shuddered. “I’m still getting used to being called ‘your highness,’ even now. I hope I never do get used to it.” Twilight shook her head, watching Luna sleep deeply.

“So, how are you Twilight?” Celestia pre-empted Twilight’s brush-off with a hoof over her mouth. “I know you were tired when you retrieved us from that other world, but I still want to know how you held up against the Canterlot nobility.”

Twilight sighed as the hoof left her lips. “I know lying is useless, you know my tells.” Celestia chuckled and waved a hoof, urging Twilight on. “It was rough. Don’t get me wrong, I knew it would be, but somepony had to step up and keep order while you and Luna had mysteriously disappeared.”

Celestia laid a hoof on Twilight’s shoulder reassuringly. “Celestia, I was lost at several points. Only my friends and I, and oddly enough in one instance, Discord, kept the country running anywhere close to normally. I… he’s a lot smarter than he acts. It’s a good thing that we were able to help him see that friendship is a good thing, not something to spurn and destroy.”

Celestia beamed. “So, you learned a few things about him?” Twilight nodded, blushing sheepishly. “Good. He was once like he is now, but something caused him to stray. I’m grateful that you and your friends, Fluttershy especially, could help return him to the path he once walked.”

“I learned a bit about my friends as well–” Twilight cut herself off as the waiter returned with two large plates stacked with waffles.

He placed their meals down in front of them and asked, “Is there anything else you require, your highnesses?”

“A glass of orange juice wouldn’t be turned down here.” Twilight held a hoof up.

“I’ll have one as well. I’ve not had a good meal in several days,” Celestia added, her stomach grumbling in agreement. The waiter nodded and turned to leave, but she spoke up again, “May we also get a plate and glass of juice for my sister here? I have a feeling she’ll rejoin us among the living shortly.”

He nodded once more and left. Both ponies dug in heartily, both enjoying the flavor of a breakfast they didn’t often have and each other’s presence. As breakfast’s smell permeated throughout the room, Twilight noticed one of Luna’s ears twitch before a loud snore ripped itself from her frame. Both ponies quietly giggled like fillies for a moment.

The waiter quickly returned with their juice and Luna’s plate. He was unsure if he should hop up onto the turret to place her plate, and Celestia just levitated it and their juice from him into their spots. He quickly bowed and made his way out.

Twilight ignored all of this, watching Luna almost literally emerge from a kind of shell. Her nose twitched like a mouse as she uncurled from herself, trying to find the heavenly smell that graced her nostrils. Her eyes groggily opened as she rolled onto her back and stretched her hooves.

Celestia noticed her sister’s movement had completely captured Twilight's attention, her breakfast forgotten. “You know, it’s considered rude to stare, Twilight.” That seemed to jolt her from her shock and she continued eating, still keeping an eye on Luna’s stretching form.

“What time is it ‘Tia? Wait, forget that, what is that delectable smell?” Luna sniffed the air twice, opening her eyes fully. Her nose pointed her in two directions, both equally delicious-smelling. One direction beheld Twilight, with what appeared to be blackberry waffles. The other showed her Celestia, with waffles as well, raspberries instead of blackberries.

“I don’t know, Luna. Would it be this breakfast we’re having?” Celestia asked rhetorically, motioning to their plates. Luna’s jaw dropped at the intermixing smells, and she drooled only very slightly.

Celestia giggled. “Here, have some of ours. We weren’t quite sure what you wanted to eat, so we got large enough portions to share.” She lifted a few waffles from her plate onto Luna’s. Twilight did the same, offering some of her meal to Luna.

“Thank you sister, Twilight. These smell great!” Her stomach grumbled loudly, cutting off any further thoughts of not-food. Luna blushed as she added, “Sorry!” before digging into her meal with gusto.

All three ponies finished their meals quickly, Luna nearly devouring her waffles whole. Meal done, the waiter came and took their plates, leaving them to chat.

“So, ‘Tia. What are we going to do this fine morning?” Luna asked.

Before Celestia could respond, Twilight spoke up, “Well, we could swing by the rest of the palace and let the staff know you’re back, at least.” Both ponies nodded. “While we’re at it, where are you going to store those weapons?” Twilight motioned to the turret Luna lounged on and to the Avenger sitting off in the corner.

Luna’s eyes widened in realization before glaring at Celestia. “Sister? Did you carry myself, still asleep on the turret, through the castle and all the way here?”

Celestia hid her chuckle behind a wing. “Well I couldn’t leave you alone in the gardens like that, could I? Especially after what you’d said during the fight.” The wing fell to her side as she continued, “Despite what it seems like, I didn’t want you to wake up without a friendly face nearby.”

Luna huffed before hopping down and walking over to her sister. “You are a silly princess, Celestia. Even if I had awoken alone, I know you are still here. That is enough for me.” A hoof bopped the back of Celestia’s head lightly. “Still, thank you. Waking up to breakfast was a lovely thing to do.” Luna wrapped a wing around her sister’s larger frame, trying to emulate her sister’s motherly behavior.

Suddenly, Twilight perked up and she swore, “Horseapples, I’m late.” Both sisters looked to Twilight for an explanation. “Some kind of meeting’s going on now.” A pair of knowing nods were her response. “It wasn’t fun to run Equestria while you were gone, but it was good experience. I… may have something for you later, Celestia. Do either of you wish to come with, or do you want to relax a little while longer?”

Both sisters shared a look before shaking their heads. “Sorry, Twilight. Could you handle this one without us?”

Twilight sighed and nodded. “Alright, but you owe me one, Celestia. You know what that means.” With that, Twilight hopped out of her seat, and strode off.

The fur on Celestia’s face lost what little color it held, as Luna spoke up, “What did she mean by that?” A hoof found it’s way to Celestia’s face.

“That I’m going to regret that decision later.” The hoof waved in the air a few times before she continued, “We came up with an agreement awhile back. When I need a break and she wants to go in my stead, the agreement applies. Suffice to say… that there’s going to be a–” Celestia’s wingtips performed air quotes “–‘fun’ night.”

Luna hopped down next to her sister. “What? Does she torture you or something? Sister, if she’s hurti—” Luna was cut off prematurely.

“It’s nothing of the sort, sister. She’s merely… enthusiastic about several subjects that are restricted for a reason,” Celestia replied, wrapping a wing about Luna. “Anyways, let’s go. If we’re going to relax, we’re going to–”

“They’re back! That means it’s time for a party!” A voice cried from the other end of the hall. Both sisters turned to see a three ponies just entering the dining hall.

“Aww yeah. Time to break out the good stuff, Pinkie!” another voice cried as they ran across the room.

“What is that dreadful thing? Oh my, look at that how ugly that otherone is!” The ponies made their way over to Celestia and Luna, who untangled themselves from each other.

“Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Rarity! How good to see you! From what Twilight’s said, you’ve helped Equestria immensely while we were forcibly indisposed.” Celestia spoke earnestly. Luna just watched the exchange quietly.

Pinkie giggled. “You weren’t disposed, Princess! You were gone!”

Rarity piped up, “That’s one definition of what ‘indisposed’ means, darling.”

Pinkie let out a soft ‘Oh’ in understanding.

Rainbow shot into the air, suddenly mad. “Wait, ‘forcibly’? Discord did this on purpose? Wait ‘till I get my hooves–”

A pink blur hopped on her back, nearly forcing her to the ground. “No it wasn’t, Dashie. He made a mistake, and helped fix it! He even said he’d submit to any punishment deemed necessary, or something like that.” Luna’s eyes shot wide at Pinkie’s words as she hopped off Rainbow’s back and strode over to the Avenger. “What’s this thing do?”

“It could do with a bit of sprucing up, boorish as it is,” Rarity commented.

Celestia coughed, bringing the attention back to herself. “That, along with the other object, is something we obtained from the other world, Pinkie Pie. Think of them like trophies.”

“You mean you won these while you were over there?” Pinkie gasped, bounding over to the turret. “Ohmygosh, what contest did you win to get such a large trophy?”

Luna spoke up this time, her face a formal mask, “They are like trophies, but they are actually weapons.”

Rainbow exclaimed, “Awesome!” as she floated over to the Avenger, trying to figure it out.

Her head inclined to Rarity. “They may not be pretty, but they kept us alive. That is what matters most to us. Without them, we might not have made it back at all.”

Pinkie and Rarity gasped in horror. Rarity spoke dramatically, “But you two are like the strongest ponies I know! Princess, you even taught Twilight yourself. The other world can’t have had that many meanie-heads!”

Celestia held up a hoof. “We might want to save that whole discussion for when we’re all together. How about we go round up the others, and then we tell you about it.”

“I’m on it, Princess.” Dash saluted and shot from the room.

^^^^

A short while later, the missing ponies, and dragon and draconequus, were found and coaxed to Celestia’s chambers. Luna dropped the Avenger off just outside her own room, while their party of ten sat on top of or around the turret currently.

The sisters regaled the others with their misbegotten adventure, trading off speakers every so often to add details or when a perspective changed. Some moments moved their audience to tears while others they laughed along.

“And then we fell asleep in the gardens, on this turret.”

Discord raised a paw. “For the record, I’m sorry. I thought my power was inhibited like yours looked to be, Celestia.”

Celestia looked to Luna. “I want to dismiss this all like it was nothing, but that’s something we can’t do, can we sister?” Luna shook her head. “I don’t want to impose too harsh a punishment either, as this was an accident and aside from some scrapes, but we returned alive and whole.”

Luna’s eyes lit up. “I have it, ‘Tia!” She quickly whispered into Celestia’s ear, noting how the Draconequus suddenly had a fearful expression on his face.

Celestia smirked. “That’s perfect.” She cleared her throat. “Discord, I propose that as your punishment, you shall spend one agreed upon evening talking to Twilight Sparkle about any topic she wishes. You may not refuse to answer any question, unless you honestly do not know the answer to it. Each answer must be the whole, unfiltered truth.” Her posture relaxed slightly, as Discord seemed to shake fearfully. “Is this a suitable punishment?” Celestia swept her gaze among the others in the room.

Twilight’s expression matched his as the others murmured their agreement. Twilight spoke up, “Not happening, Celestia. You’re not worming your way out of that discussion. He can have his own evening, but he’s not replacing you.”

‘Almost got away with it, too.’ Celestia looked to Luna. “Fine. If I’m going, then Luna is too. She knows some of those topics better than I ever will.” Luna shrieked and tried to run, only to be held down by Celestia’s magic for a moment. “You can run all you want, Lulu, but she’ll find you. And she will interrogate you. There’s no escape from the Purple Knowledge-Eater.” Luna seemed to shrink and cowered for a minute.

Pinkie giggled at Luna’s actions. The others joined Pinkie nervously, sensing the irony. Twilight sulked. ‘I do not interrogate ponies. I just enthusiastically ask them question after question.’

Luna whispered to Celestia as she calmed down. “‘Tia? Can we go back to the other world? I’d rather fight them than be subject to interrogation by your former student. She frightens me more than they ever did.”

“No, we can’t, Lulu. You don’t really have to come, but I would like you there.” Celestia nuzzled her sister slightly before pulling back. Looking to Twi, she raised her voice slightly, “Twilight? How about Discord joins us on that evenin–”

Twilight headed her off, “Nope. Two separate evenings, one for Discord, one for yourself and Luna.” Both ponies started to debate.

After several moments, Celestia was defeated, completely and utterly. Twilight was just too smart. The once naïve little pony had dissected the solar diarch’s diversions with all the efficiency of a brain surgeon. Her longest tangents were exhausted. Her most confusing riddles solved. Her former most faithful student had an insatiable hunger for knowledge and learning that would not be stopped. ‘If she were a black hole, and knowledge was light, she would have devoured the universe already,’ Celestia shivered at the thought.

Luna was in awe. “You may have a place in politics yet, Twilight. I have never seen my sister so soundly defeated with words.”

Twilight beamed from Luna’s compliment, a wide smile adorning her face. “Thank you, Luna.” She looked to her friends, and noticed their shocked expressions. “What? She did teach me pretty much everything, you know.”

Revelling only slightly in the friendship, even with an ‘interrogation’ for rare knowledge looming on the horizon, Discord leaned back and started dozing in contentment. ‘I’m glad that Sunbutt and Moonbutt came out alright in the end. They’re actually kind of fun to be around, every once in a while. Just need to get a large pair of pliers to remove that stick from their backsides to get them to unwind,’ he thought. “How about another drinking contest sometime? No new-fangled super-magical alcohol this time, though.”

Applejack froze. Celestia and Luna looked at her shocked expression as it turned immediately to pure fear. They simultaneously thought, ‘Was… was Twilight not informed of how this all happened?’

“Another?” Twilight yelled, looking between her mentor, her mentor’s sister, the draconequus, and her friend. Her eyes finally settled on Applejack. “You know, I never did ask you what that contest was, exactly.” While her expression was neutral, her tone betrayed her seething rage, “Applejack, my dear friend, would you mind explaining what that contest was?” Twilight’s expression soon matched her tone. “If you lie, we’ll know.”

Applejack gulped.

Author's Note

Yep. This whole story was totally a thing. That I wrote. All because I got the mental image of Celestia surfing on a tank like it was a surfboard, being towed by Luna piloting a plane. Honestly, I’ve already got a sequel lined up and it might or might not already be in the works by the time this gets published.

There’s one specific paragraph here that wasn’t written by myself. I showed CDR what I had, and he came up with something much more awesome than I had. He was awesome enough to let me straight up use it, too.

And I’ve got a question for ya’ll. Would you be willing to read a ‘much’ (to me, your own experience may vary) darker version of this tale? I’ve got one partially written, but that’s mostly the much darker turn (only slightly crossovered with like three or four games), but what’s written is more combat than anything else. It’s also something to note that those few games I’d be referencing I’ve clocked hundreds, if not thousands of hours in. Each. Still in a similar-ish setting, though.

50 Years Later

“Thank you again for helping me, Celestia,” A voice with enough gravel in it to be the foundation of a building spoke. The voice’s owner, a massive elder-dragon named Sal’Kath, her maroon scales gleaming in the sunlight, and her son, a forest-green scaled drake named Kal’Thoss, were guided through Canterlot Castle’s garden by their gracious host, Princess Celestia. Without breaking her stride, she looked over her shoulder and smiled softly to Sal’Kath.

“It’s no problem, Sal. I quite enjoy helping teach others, if you hadn’t remembered.” Celestia strode through the gardens until reaching a pair of benches, and she sat down on one promptly. Sal’Kath strode around the benches, settling down in a rather large clearing just to their side. Kal’Thoss took the final bench, sitting awkwardly on the pony-sized furniture.

“So, what did you want to learn about, Kal’Thoss?” Celestia spoke before smiling softly.

The large drake fidgeted, the wings on his back fluttering lightly. “I would like to learn something of diplomacy, your Majesty.” At Celestia’s surprised look, he continued, “It’s been somewhat of a dream of mine to become Drakkenridge’s first diplomat to Equestria.”

“I see. What brought this dream about, if I may ask?” The smile that never seemed to leave her face for long returned.

“Well, there are stories back in Drakkenridge of the two Pony Princesses who control the sun and moon, you know?” Celestia nodded and he continued, “I’ve always wanted to meet with them and their subjects.”

Sal interrupted, “Imagine my surprise when I contacted you, and found out that there were two more Pony Princesses! One Princess of Love, and one of Friendship! I simply had to come and meet them myself!”

Celestia nodded at Sal. “Both Princess Twilight Sparkle and Princess Mi Amore Cadenza will be along shortly, so I may introduce them.”

“There was one other thing that he wanted to know, Celestia. I hope it’s not too big of a deal…” Sal spoke softly, wings settling down against her sides.

Celestia perked her right ear in Sal’s direction. “Oh? What might this other thing be? I imagine it must be embarrassing if you had to bring it up.”

The young drake’s face blushed as he quietly answered her question, “I-I admit I also wished to taste you.”

Celestia’s face turned beet red, but her expression remained neutral as she blinked twice. “That’s certainly… forward of you.” She blinked again before shaking her head softly. “I’m sorry Kal’Thoss, but I must refuse your advance–”

“–No! Not like that!” He stood swiftly, flailing his arms. “That’s not what I’m saying at all. I’m saying I wish to taste you, Princess. I’m hungry, and you would make a fine meal!” He took one menacing step forward, baring his teeth.

“Well, that’s a much less embarrassing question.” Celestia smiled softly again. “Though, I’m afraid my answer is still no.”

Kal’Thoss stepped forward angrily, taking a large breath. “Such a stubborn little princess. You’ll be in my belly before long!” He expelled his breath in a gout of blue flame, washing over Celestia’s form entirely. The breath lasted twenty seconds and left the immediate area around where Celestia sat dry and smoking heavily.

Sal’Kath tossed a sharp look at her son. “I think you may have overdone it, Kal. You want her to be cooked just right, not a pile of ash.”

As the smoke started to clear, a voice chuckled. A light, airy little thing. “Oh, my. It’s been quite a while since anything on Equus has tried to attack me in such a direct manner!” Almost where she’d been sitting, Celestia sat. She held a bare hoof to her mouth as she continued to chuckle, her now-melted gold regalia pooling about her hooves. Her rump was no longer on the bench, as it had melted from Kal’Thoss’ flame breath.

Sal’Kath’s eyes widened in surprise. “Young Kal, your flame wasn’t strong enough! Come, let mother show you how to roast a princess!” She took a massive lungful of air, her intake swaying the grass nearby. The flame she expelled wasn’t blue, it was stark-white and her cone easily dwarfed Kal’s, lasting twice as long.

As the pair waited for the smoke to clear, a dark blue flash shone from within the smoke, before dissipating. To both dragons’ surprise, her voice filtered through the smoke, “Well, it seems the both of you came here with the intention to kill and eat me.” The smoke cleared and Celestia stood, nonchalantly checking the area out as her ponies fled the area.

“You know, I never expected the sun granting me immunity to heat would be this useful…” She checked herself over, finding herself pristine, other than her regalia was missing. “I really ought to enchant this next set of regalia to be as resistant to heat as I am. That’s twice this century that they’ll have to be replaced.” She chuckled again. “Now, dear Kal’Thoss, let me teach you something of diplomacy.” Unfelt by the two dragons, the temperature in the area rose sharply.

^^^^

Princess Luna shot up from her bed. Celestia’s message was clear. ‘Two dragons attempting assassination. Need the Equalizer. I’m in the gardens.’

Luna rolled to her hooves before dashing out into the hallway, surprising the guards at her door. She barrelled down the hallway, leaping over a mare that stopped to gawk at her. Her guards exchanged a look before taking off down the hallway after their charge.

Luna took to wing as she entered a large hallway, soaring well above the other ponies on the ground. As she soared through the hallway she spotted her exit. She folded her wings and hit the marble floor solidly as she slid on her hooves, hoofcovers sparking madly, through a double-door before hopping into the air and taking to wing again. Beating her wings hard, she barely slowed down at all. Her guards, who had just started to catch up, whistled in begrudging admission at how quickly Luna could move if she had to.

She tore down the latest hallway, down a flight of stairs, and came to a stop at a door marked ‘Armory.’ She stepped inside as her guards skidded to a halt behind her.

“Your Highness! What seems to be the issue?” One of them called out, both stepping in behind her.

“My sister is beset upon by a pair of dragons. She says she requires the Equalizer.” She stalked through the armory, surprising several new recruits being fitted for their armor.

“Princess Celestia is scheduled to be meeting with a pair of dragons right now, surely something can’t have gone wrong!” The other guard reasoned, following his charge and attempting to help her in her search.

“I received her missive just before starting my trek here. ‘Tis not the time to be arguing with me, guardstallion.” She made her way to the Armory’s rear section, where more unique weapons were stored. Before entering the section, she stopped and turned to her two guards. Narrowing her eyes she spoke quickly, “If you are two are to assist me in this task, keep the hallway clear and everypony out of my way. The Equalizer is terribly heavy.”

One guard saluted and strode back through the armory, trying to keep a path clear. “Do you need help lifting it, Your Highness?” the other asked.

“No. I simply require a clear path. Go, help your comrade.” He saluted and left.

Luna turned and entered the armory’s rear. There in the center, serving as little more than a table for three dozen assorted spears and a storage rack for serrated ballista bolts, was the Equalizer. ‘It has been fifty years already since that event…’ During their misadventures on another planet, courtesy of Discord, they acquired a weapon each from the local sentient species.

When they returned and settled in, Luna reinforced the enchantments on her own Avenger. and Celestia set her own on what she then referred to as the Equalizer. The entire turret from an M1A1 Abrams tank, it showed many battle scars from its acquisition. Its enchantments were few, but powerful. Spent shells were magically restocked, it was nearly indestructible – unlike when they had first acquired their weapons – and it had a shielding efficiency enchantment on it, allowing shield spells placed on and projected through it to be much stronger.

In a rare fit of artistic fancy, Celestia had spent one of her rare, free afternoons painting it to match her own color palette. The Equalizer’s main body was painted alabaster, like her coat, with a pink, light green and light blue wavy streak matching her hair running from the front to its rear. Her cutie mark adorned each rear corner, and the word ‘Equalizer’ was painted in fancy, alabaster lettering on both of the black barrel’s sides.

‘Sister, ‘Tia, I hope you know what you are doing.’ Luna’s horn lit and the other weapons were lifted off the turret, stowed away in other racks. Her horn lit brighter, taking on an extra coating of overglow as her telekinetic aura surrounded the turret. She grunted loudly as she strained to lift the fifteen-ton weapon. Slowly, the Equalizer acquiesced to her demand that it rise, lifting so it’s barrel pointed straight at her face.

Once it was in the air, Luna trekked back out into the armory proper, the weapon following along behind her. She called out loudly, “Guards! Is there a clear path?” ‘The only room close enough to where I think she is, is the throne room.’

“Yes, Your Highness. The path is clear.” One shouted back.

“Very good! See that it stays that way until I pass, would you? I need to be quick!” Despite the Equalizer weighing her down through her telekinesis, Luna broke out into as much of a gallop as she could, quickly passing through the armory and back out into the hall. While the first guard had cleared a path through the armory, the other guard had taken it upon himself to have a path cleared to the first major intersection.

She quickly ascended the stairs and caught up to to him. “I shall take it from here, thank you.”

She took a few steps back and bellowed, “Princess coming through, make way!” before charging through the intersection, a few ponies barely missing her as they reflexively jumped to the side.

Every intersection she’d shout again, slowing down very little on her trek to the throne room. Reaching the room, she cast a shield spell on the turret, a pair of light blue planes forming a wedge on its top, and rammed it at the doors, knocking them not only open, but off their hinges and apart into the room. ‘‘Tia will be angry at me for that later, but it is not the time to dwell on it.’

Stopping in the room’s center, she focused her magic once more, reaching out for Celestia’s magical signature. “Gotcha, sister,” she said as she turned to face her sister’s direction. Rearing up on her hindlegs, she squinted one eye and her left foreleg reached back, the Equalizer levitating to touch against her hoof as she gathered her power.

Once she was certain of her angle, returned to all fours and hovered the turret out in front of herself, well up and above her head. Turning around, she crouched forward, placing all her weight on her front hooves and lifted her hindlegs off the ground entirely. She gathered her strength for a second, coiling in her hindlegs as well, before pushing hard against the floor with her forelegs. Her forelegs propelled her straight up, and with a single wing, she twisted herself so when she reached the peak of her jump, her hindlegs just barely scraped against the Equalizer’s rear. She bucked, hard.

The Equalizer rocketed up and forward, smashing through a window and out into the gardens. “Celestia! Your delivery is here!” Luna let loose one last cry before slamming into the floor, panting. Her guards caught up and were greeted with the sight of their charge passed out, sprawled on her back, on the throne room’s floor.

^^^^

Celestia dodged a claw as it tried to rip her apart. After the dragons’ failed barbeque, Kal’Thoss resorted to trying to rip her to shreds. As his strikes missed, she giggled and Kal came to absolutely loathe that little laugh as she taunted him, angering him further.

Sal sat and watched as her son attempted to rip Celestia apart excitedly. Her son had made it clear before taking off after Celestia, “She’s mine.”

After a few minutes’ fighting, it was clear to Sal’Kath that Celestia was either stalling for something or toying with the drake. ‘Possibly both,’ she thought. She thought of intervening, but the dishonor it would bring Kal might drive him to another suicidal venture, should he survive this one.

A crash nearby interrupted her ruminations as Celestia took to wing, toward the source. Sal’s head shot up and she spied a large object soaring through a window. “Celestia! Your delivery is here!” rang through the garden as Celestia tore away from Kal, now on an intercept course for the object.

‘Wow, that thing got some distance. Somepony in there’s got a good set of legs!’ Sal thought, the object halfway between herself and the window it had crashed through. Celestia snapped one of her wings against her body and spun in midair as she reached the object, snapping the other shut when she completed her turn. Her horn glowed bright as she snagged the object and she slid as her hooves hit the ground. Both the object and herself slid to a stop next to each other. She smirked confidently as she spoke, “You had your chance to kill me. Now, I’m giving you the chance to surrender or flee.” She stomped a hoof and yelled, “If you attack me now, I cannot guarantee you will survive another day!”

Kal’Thoss ignored her warning, entirely too consumed in his rage at being played a fool. He charged at her again, picking up speed quickly, and she stood her ground. As the drake neared her, he pounced, letting gravity aid his momentum. In response, her horn’s glow intensified and the Equalizer moved to block him.

“Not gonna work, Princess!” He plowed into the turret, thinking his claws would shred through it like paper. Instead, he found himself snout first against it, stopped cold. His left claw found purchase in its armor, and as he tried to remove it, he found himself stuck. “C’mon, let me go!”

Celestia turned her weapon around before looking at the scene before her. He was stuck helplessly to her weapon and fruitlessly trying to free himself. There were only two beings in the area who could free him, one of which his own enemy. She weighed her options before speaking motherly, “Now, young Kal’Thoss–” He whipped his head around in time to see her eyes flash dangerously. “–you are at my mercy. Unless you ask your mother to free you, that is.” She chuckled lightly, as if the idea was preposterous.

He snarled, pulling hard on his stuck claw. Sal’Kath stood slowly, quietly padding the long way around over to the pair.

“Not so fast, Princess,” Sal’s voice interjected as she plodded up behind them. Surprised, Celestia was whipping around when one of Sal’s wings slapped her, the claw on her wingtip causing a small cut under her right eye, throwing her skyward and away from the drake and the Equalizer. As Celestia’s telekinesis faded from the weapon, the mare trying to recover and return, Sal’s right claw kept it upright while the other yanked the drake free.

Sal tutted dismissively. “Kal, your notions of draconic honor and pride–” she spat the words venomously, “–will prevent you from asking for help on this hopeless venture.” She stepped forward, lowering the weapon and her son to the ground.

After he popped free, Kal kicked the turret petulantly, a resounding clang echoing through the clearing. “Mom, I had her. You didn’t have to intervene!”

Her right wingtip bopped him on the head. “No, you didn’t. You never stood a chance, dear. I hoped that she might beat some sense into you,” Sal sighed before continuing, “but it seems that you’re really your father’s son after all. It can’t be helped, then, I’m helping you.”

Kal let out a whine that would have sounded more at home on a drake a third of his size.

After Celestia had reoriented herself, she was just landing a fair distance away, on the other side of the Equalizer, as she listened in on the exchange. Sal noticed her and hefted the turret in both her claws before throwing it at Celestia.

Noticing the elder dragon’s actions, Celestia hopped back and lit her horn, giving herself room to maneuver. The Equalizer left Sal’s claws, its barrel intent on skewering its owner. Celestia heard a massive pair of wings beat as she hastily wrapped a telekinetic field about the weapon, intent on bringing it to heel. As it slowed down, she was pushed back a dozen feet by her telekinetic feedback.

She barely had enough time to turn it around before Kal was upon her, roaring. He swiped at her horn with a claw, Celestia barely avoiding the attack only by her telekinetic feedback. She hopped backward, doing a complete 360 degree turn in midair with a flourish, her weapon attempting to stay nearby and ready.

Sal’s massive form flew overhead as Kal roared again, before launching into another charge. Celestia turned her massive weapon on Sal as she shouted, “You are truly set on this course, Sal’Kath? You truly mean to take my life?”

Celestia danced around the drake’s latest charge, galloping to gain some distance. As she did so, Sal’Kath spewed white hot flames toward the palace, intent on causing as much damage as possible to the structure. Her massive wings beat quickly three times and she landed on one of the palace’s towers, claws digging in and crushing stone.

As the drake was left in Celestia’s dust, Sal’s voice boomed, “Indeed, Celestia. With you gone, your sister will fall even more swiftly than you did, and the dragons can rightfully regain their place as the masters of this world.”

‘You leave me no choice then, Sal. I thought you were a friend, but I was obviously mistaken,’ Celestia thought. Sal turned her fire on the palace, intent on bringing it down. Celestia skidded to a halt and she focused on her weapon. In the span of a single second, her telekinesis had popped open the ammunition box’s hatch, snatched a shell, and rammed it into the barrel.

The drake was too far out to interrupt her, still ten seconds away at his full sprinting speed. Celestia flipped off the safety and took careful aim at Sal’Kath. Celestia spoke one last time, in the Royal Canterlot Voice, “Then you leave me no choice, Sal’Kath. You have attempted to take the life of one of Equestria’s rulers. Your life is now forfeit.” Her telekinesis pressed the trigger.

From the drake’s point of view, a bright flash shone from the weapon, something emerging from it before a cloud of smoke obscured it and his target from view. He almost missed the small, yellow… thing as it streaked toward Sal’Kath. What sounded like a dozen thunderbolts slammed into his ears as it slammed into his mother. Kal’Thoss watched a jet of fire tear through the wings on his mother’s back. The leathery membranes melted and withered, obviously going to interfere with Sal’s airworthiness.

Surprised by the strike, Sal’Kath cried out in pain, a claw thrashing into the tower she’d perched on. Kal’s charge faltered and he stopped, watching his mother tear the tower she was on apart in pain. She leapt from the tower as it crumbled and spread her wings, desperately flapping to stave off gravity.

The holes Celestia’s weapon had torn through them rendered them useless as she plummeted to the ground after the tower, roaring. Celestia, watching Sal fall from the corner of her eye, rounded on Kal. Kal snarled before starting to charge again. She held up a hoof. “I used this weapon exactly once on your mother, and look what happened to her. What would happen should I strike you with it?”

He charged, yelling “My mother isn’t dead, Princess. We both know that.” Celestia unfurled her wings and crouched, the Equalizer hovering next to her.

Kal’Thoss anticipated her taking off and jumped high. “I never said she was.” ‘She’s not going to be flying any time in the near future, though.’ was left unsaid as Celestia surged forward, under Kal’s pounce and behind him, weapon following faithfully. Kal twisted himself in the air, readying to chase after her when he touched down. A roar broke their attention on each other as the elder dragon charged into the battlefield, bowling over Kal and sending him sprawling several dozen yards to roughly strike his head and knock him out cold.

Celestia stopped and spun about, seeing mother charge son accidentally. ‘I need to put a stop to this quickly, before anyone else gets hurt or worse.’ She reloaded a solid-core shell into the cannon as she shouted, “Sal’Kath. Stop this madness. Flee from Canterlot, from Equestria, and your transgressions will be forgiven, your life spared. If not, I will end this fight.”

“Never. You ponies have been taking what dragons have considered our territory for centuries. That ends today!” Sal howled back, a single paw tearing at the ground in a distinct sign of aggression. Celestia took aim as Sal started her charge. Sal thundered toward her, Celestia waiting for the best chance. As Sal got within twenty paces, Celestia fired again and darted off to the side while the smoke obscured her from vision.

Sal, despite seeing the weapon fire this time, didn’t have the time to dodge as it struck her right foreleg, instead of the jet of molten metal and flame like last time, the projectile stayed solid, slamming through her scales, the muscle underneath and even through the bone. It exited the other side and sailed off into the distance, well off Mount Canterhorn as Sal’s leg buckled, failing to hold her weight with the bone split. Sal didn’t even have time to register what had happened before she was on her side, a wing pinned painfully between her body and the ground.

Celestia watched as the smoke cleared. Sal lay on her side, her inured foreleg spilling blood. She walked up to what she considered a safe distance from the injured dragon. “I will tell you once more, Sal’Kath. Leave or forfeit your life.”

Sal’s eyes had gone wide and she now only saw red from anger and pain. Immediately after Celestia had stopped speaking, Sal breathed another blast of fire at Celestia, the only thing she could do at that range. Sal got to her feet, favoring her injury, before lunging as quickly as she could. Celestia sighed morosely, her ears pinned back shamefully. As Sal neared, she hopped backward, out of range again. “So be it. I’ll be sure to make this as quick and painless as I can.”

Celestia reloaded another solid-core shell again as she started to circle Sal. “I’m sorry, Sal. I just wish this could’ve ended peacefully.” Celestia carefully aimed her weapon once more as her horn lit brighter, a kinetic blast buffeted Sal’s head and neck, forcing the injured dragon’s head and neck to spin almost completely around. Celestia quickly pulled the trigger once more. Thunder sounded and the shell struck the soft scales, burrowing into Sal’s neck, before making its way into her skull. From the force striking her, Sal’s neck bent at an unnatural angle. The ancient dragon’s thick skull kept the shell from exiting the other side as the projectile lost momentum.

Celestia stood as the smoke cleared again, watching the consequences of her actions as the dragon’s body went limp, blood flowing from her wounds. Tears in the corners of her eyes, she turned back to the castle, her horn glowing blue once more as she sent a message to Luna. ‘It is done, Luna. The elder of the two is dead, the other is unconscious.’

Celestia didn’t flinch as a matching blue flash appeared in the sky. Luna took a look at the scene before her before swooping down to her sister.

“What happened, sister?” Luna asked. She took stock of the wounds on the dragon and her sister’s near-pristine condition.

Celestia’s eyes focused only on the dragon corpse before her, but she softly answered, “They wanted to eat me.” She sniffed once, her voice now just a whisper, “They wanted to kill you. They wanted to destroy Equestria. They wanted to take back what they considered theirs, Luna.”

After a moment spent in silence, Celestia looked back to her sister, tears threatening to fall from her eyes. “I have a feeling that this is only the start of a coming war.”

“With reasons like that, I will have to agree.” One of Luna’s wings moved to Celestia’s face, wiping away her tears.

“We will have to train our ponies in the art of war once more, Luna. I only had to do it once while you were gone,” Celestia’s head turned away ashamedly as she spoke, pain was the strongest emotion in her voice.

“I know, I read about it while reacclimating. Twilight offered some notes on it that she said came from you personally.” Luna’s wing moved to the other side of Celestia’s face, wiping the other eye clear.

“They most certainly did.” Celestia set her weapon down and looked at Luna. “What do you want to do with the other? We have nowhere to keep him safely contained.”

Luna replied seriously, “We have two choices. Send him back with a message, or kill him.”

“He’s going to deliver a message or be a message, then,” Celestia spoke morosely. Luna nodded.

“How many of our ponies were hurt during the battle or when the tower collapsed?” Celestia looked to the tower that had collapsed, fearing the worst.

Luna perked up at that. She smiled slightly before replying, “Just one, a part of a stone block knocked him for a loop, but others saved him before the tower came down.” She turned Celestia’s head back to herself and continued, “I’m just glad that you’re fireproof, sister. If that was me…” she let the statement go unfinished.

Celestia took a deep breath. “I didn’t want it to end this way, but they left me with no choice except to fight or die.” Tears started falling again and Luna wrapped her in a hug. “I’m just glad it was me and not you too, sister.”

A pair of wings beat closer before their owner set down nearby. “Celestia? Are you alright?” a meek voice asked.

Luna looked up to notice Twilight had arrived. Luna answered for her sister, “She was just attacked by two dragons. Physically she may be fine, but she does not take lives easily. She never has.”

Twilight nodded before motioning to Celestia. “Do you want me to manage the public for now? Get the reconstruction effort underway?”

Luna looked to her sister, who shook her head. “No, Twilight. Thank you for the offer, though. Make sure Cadance is informed as well, please.” Twilight nodded and took off, returning to their ponies to try to calm them down.

Celestia laughed lightly. “No rest for the wicked, right Luna?” Luna’s muscles locked up. Celestia looked up at Luna’s face.

Luna was shocked. Her first reaction overpowered everything else and a hoof roughly found Celestia’s cheek. Celestia kept her gaze averted ashamedly as her cheek blazed red from the strike. “I-I’m sorry, Luna. That joke was in poor taste.”

Luna grabbed her sister’s head, forcing Celestia to look into her eyes. “No. That was not for the joke. A joke I can take, but this self-degradation must stop, Celestia! You are not a wicked pony or a monster. Never will you be one, either.” Luna pulled Celestia’s head to her barrel. “You are far too kind and trusting to ever truly become a monster.” Luna released her sister entirely, getting to her hooves and nuzzled Celestia.

Celestia hiccuped once before opening her mouth. Luna beat her to the punch. “Celestia. If you ever think of yourself becoming a monster, I want you to come to me. Whether or not you are actually becoming a monster, we can head it off alright?” Looking down, Celestia nodded once.

“When did you get so profound, Luna?” Celestia asked, honest curiosity in her voice.

“My time with Nightmare on the moon gave me plenty of time to think and reflect.” Luna winked. “Though, as of late my stock has been running low. Luckily I have such a wise sister to help me when I stumble. I just hope to be there to help when she does.”

Celestia’s eyes widened. “You-You’re joking about your banishment? Why are you taking that punishment so lightly?”

“Because, ‘Tia, I’ve let it go. I did decades ago. You should too. You can’t keep letting your mistakes punish you constantly.” Luna helped Celestia to her hooves. “Promise me you’ll try to let your mistakes go. I hate to see you beating yourself up over the past and not looking to the future–”

Celestia pressed a hoof against Luna’s lips. “Lu, you’re rambling again. I get what you’re trying to say, and I will honestly do my best to let it go, but I want you here to help me, alright?”

Luna nodded before Celestia removed her hoof. “Now, let’s go get the other dragon and reassure our ponies that I’m just fine.”

Author's Note

This idea came to me one night and refused to let me sleep until I at least had the barebones for a chapter. You know what that means for all of you? BONUS CHAPTER! Here it is!

Prologue - Zap Apple Jamboree

Discord was bored, wandering the halls about Canterlot Castle, wondering how he might spice up his morning and upcoming day. He paced the halls on auto-pilot, hoping his mind could come up with a solution. ‘Prank Blueblood? Nah. Visit Fluttershy? I'm gonna go with no.’ He perked up all of a sudden.

“Hey, you! Yes, you two! Over there, in the armor!” He walked over to the guards standing next to a doorway. “I’ve got quite the conundrum; I seem to be terribly bored and wish to remedy the situation.” Both guards shared a look of confusion and offered several ideas. ‘Walk through the garden? Nope. Get something to eat? If nothing else, I’ll ask someone in the kitchens.’ The guards gave him a few more possible ideas before a light bulb suddenly appeared over his head and turned on as he pulled on its cord. “Eureka!” Quickly, he sped off to the throne room, swimming the whole way.

“Hey, Boss? Should we report that? It sounds like nothing but trouble,” the younger guard on the right asked. He looked over, waiting for Boss’s response.

“If it was anypony except Discord, I would say yes. Because it is him, we don’t. If we reported every little weird thing he did, we’d need twice our current staff, just to account for him alone. We just report it if he actually does anything harmful,” Boss explained, before shrugging and looking back.

“I-I suppose that’s fair,” the rookie replied.

^^^^

Applejack walked up to the throne, pulling a small cart with two cases. Stopping at the throne’s base, she opened a single case before addressing Princess Celestia.

Applejack bowed before speaking, “Heya, Princess. Ah’ve got somethin’ here you might like. It’s Sweet Apple Acres’ newest creation! Just gimme a sec’ here...” Applejack fumbled around with the case, trying to pull something out.

“Good morning, Applejack! It’s wonderful to see you.” Celestia beamed, her signature smile adorning her face. “I see you brought something with you, is it a surprise?”

“This right here, Princess, is mah newest creation, Zap Apple cider.” Applejack turned to Princess Celestia as she pulled a bottle out of one of the two crates she’d brought with her to the throne room. The bottle itself shone with a rainbow-gleam, proving that its namesake apples were part of its ingredients. “Ah just wanted you to have part of the first two batches. One's regular cider, th' other's hard. Ah've got more of each waiting with Big Mac outside. Ah'll warn you now, that hard cider's got some bite to it!”

Celestia's horn glowed as she took ahold of the bottle, bringing it up to her for inspection. “Thank you, Applejack. I’m sure I will thoroughly enjoy this gift.” She smiled serenely. “Take a pair of guards with you, and they'll help you store this wondrous cider in the castle's wine cellar,” Celestia said as she motioned to a pair of her unicorn guards. One picked up the two crates already present and marched off to the wine cellar. Applejack led the second out to where Big Mac was waiting.

Before another petitioner could make their way up to Celestia, Discord swam into the room. He was performing a beautiful rendition of the butterfly-stroke in midair, completely ignoring the closed doors. Immediately, the guards took an aggressive stance, not trusting Discord in the least. While Celestia didn't look pleased, she didn't immediately throw him out. “What do you want, Discord? Need refuge from another one of your pranks?”

Discord laughed. “No, nothing of the sort, Princess. I've merely come to challenge you…” As the words left his mouth, the room's tension became palpable. Celestia's guards prepared to intervene, with even a few stepping between the Draconequus and their princess. After a moment, he spoke up again, “To a drinking contest!” He waved one arm, suddenly holding a shot glass, and in the other held a vintage Applejack Daniels whiskey. He chortled again, breaking the room's tension.

Celestia sighed exasperatedly before speaking, “Discord... I don't pretend to know what goes on in that head of yours, but there better be a good explanation for this challenge.”

“Aww, Celestia, are you just afraid I'll drink you under the table, again?” he goaded her. Her face held its normal, maternal mask, but internally she bristled at the comment. After a few moments, the guards returned to their normal places.

Before she could answer, Applejack wandered back into the throne room to let Celestia know her cider was stored away. “Princess, Ah-” Just noticing Discord, she glimpsed the items he held. “Yer hittin' the sauce again this early in the day, Discord? Ah thought Flutters'd already said hittin' it that hard was bad fer ya.”

Discord turned to regard Applejack as he stowed the items back in his own personal hammerspace. “That was one time, Applejack. I swear, just one drink before noon and suddenly everypony's on my case…”

“So, you didn't just challenge me to a drinking contest, that could possibly be held before noon, then?” Celestia interjected, drawing both creatures' attention.

Applejack just chuckled good-naturedly before shooting him a knowing grin. “Ah think you might be startin' a bad habit there, Discord.”

“Oh, laugh it up you two…” Discord grumbled, crossing his arms petulantly.

Celestia hushed her chuckling and cleared her throat for attention. “I’m sorry Discord, but that was funny. Although I didn't exactly say ‘no’ to your proposal,” she added in her motherly tone, with a knowing smile on her face.

“Celestia, you really think you can out-drink me, even after my imprisonment?” Discord laughed condescendingly. He pointed to her and continued, “Even your sister out-drank you back then, and she was half your size!”

Ignoring the snipe at herself she shot back, “Since you offered, I certainly intend to try. When and where are we doing this?”

“Just after sundown. In the gardens, after you set the sun, and Luna raises the moon,” Discord stated, smirking as she looked worried.

“Very well. Since I was issued the challenge, the drink of choice is Applejack's new Hard Zap-Apple Cider,” Celestia replied. Applejack paled, hoping Discord would refuse and offer another drink instead.

“That's fair.” Discord turned to leave.

Celestia added nonchalantly, “Oh! Do try to get Luna to come. I welcome the chance to drink you both under the table, this time.” Discord’s head spun around, surprised at Celestia’s proposal. In his confusion he slipped on a loose bit of red carpet, causing him to fall over. His chaotic nature held true, causing the rug to slide forward instead of himself, spinning him like an overcharged ferris wheel with an embarrassed look on his face.

“I'll try.” He snapped himself out of the room to avoid further embarrassment.

“Now, Princess, why'd you go and rile him up like that?” Applejack chimed in, cocking her head like a confused puppy would.

“Oh, he's always easy to agitate. Even more so when he's bored.” She looked at Applejack knowingly and winked. “I don’t suppose you would like to referee this contest, would you? It is your drink, after all.”

“Ah’ll need ta check with Mac first, but Ah’d be honored, Princess.” Applejack replied.

“That works for me. I'll have a room set up for you, just in case.” Applejack nodded and she left the throne room, intent on finding her brother.

^^^^

It had been a long night for Princess Luna, and she was looking forward to getting some rest. Most ponies had assumed Luna rose when she raised the moon, and went to bed when it set. They would be wrong, she generally rose in the afternoon and went to bed some time in the morning, hours after Celestia raised the sun. Celestia was much the same way; up an hour before dawn, and didn’t sleep until well after the sun had set.

Keeping an eye out for nightmares kept her from too much continuous boredom, usually. The odd bit of paperwork helped, too. She had washed up, brushed her teeth, and was just climbing into bed when a flash obscured her vision. In its place, she saw a figure. A familiar, nearly-hated figure.

“Lulu! How good to see you!” Discord drew her into a one-sided hug. Even with her strength, she was tired and couldn't manage to break out of his hug. She tried and failed to teleport out of his grasp, managing to take him with her wherever she went.

“D-Discord! Let go of me this instant!” she all but roared at him.

“Only if you promise to calm down. And agree to a drinking contest with Celly and I,” his reply was punctuated with an extra squeeze.

“Is it not a bit early in the day to be partaking in the consumption of alcohol?” Luna asked sincerely, not sure what Discord was planning.

Discord suddenly let Luna go before he wilted. “That’s the second time today I've been told that. I swear, I ask for a drink once before noon and everyone expects me to be an alcoholic. I just wanted to see if you two could drink me under the table or not.”

Luna looked at him confusedly before muttering, “I’m not even going to ask.”

Discord waved her off before returning to the topic. “Don't bother, it's not entertaining. Anyways, do you want in on this drinking contest or not?”

“Why should I join?” Luna shot back, sitting down on her bed.

“Because I'm bored. That, and the three of us haven't had any contests like this since I ruled Equestria.” Discord just sat back onto nothing.

“I ask again. Why should I join? I still see no reason to join your contest.” She looked around the room, gauging her chances of escaping him.

Discord was suddenly in her face, eyes watering with crocodile tears as he whined, “Please?”

“No,” Luna deadpanned, not falling for it.

“Pretty please?” His tone was that of a pleading child.

“Again. No. Increasing the appealing quality of the word ‘please’ will not make me change my decision.” Luna’s horn lit, deciding she’d rather sleep elsewhere.

“Pretty pretty please? Your sister told me to ask you.”

Luna sighed, ‘He managed to play the sister card…’ “Very well. If Celestia has agreed to it, then I shall join as well. When and where is it? And what are we drinking?” Luna looked at Discord, tilting her head very slightly.

Discord held up a claw to his chin. “To answer your last question, probably some of the new hard cider Applejack just brought in. I hear it has quite the kick, too!”

“Alright. So where and when will this happen?”

Discord pondered for a moment. “Sundown, moonrise, whatever you want to call it. It's going to be somewhere in the gardens, just after you raise the moon, and Sunbutt sets the sun,” Discord replied.

Luna immediately shot up. “Refrain from calling my sister 'Sunbutt,' Discord. I will not tolerate you slandering her in my presence.” Luna shot a venomous look at Discord.

"Fine. See you then. Moonbutt," Discord sniggered as he waltzed out the door.

“Discord! You–” Luna sent a quick jolt of magic after the mischievous draconequus, “–You artless, fool-born, foot-licker!” It flew out the door and was quickly followed by a pained yelp. Rage spent and smiling, Luna slowly calmed down, stretched out upon her bed, and fell asleep.

^^^^

“Good evening, Luna. I trust your day was restful?” Celestia greeted as she walked up to her sister before wrapping her up in a hug. Luna eagerly returned the offered hug. The evening was beautiful as the sun patiently waited for Celestia to set it, as the moon’s topmost tip poked up in the east.

“Yes, Celestia. I rested well, after Discord left,” she replied, remembering her conversation with the Draconequus just before falling asleep. “Did he really challenge you to a drinking contest?”

“Yes he did. I accepted and asked him to get you to join us,” Celestia replied, drawing back and regarding her sister.

“I did, and hope we can drink him under the table,” Luna spat venomously. “Together,” Luna finished sweetly as she turned to the east at the coming rotation.

Even though her sister couldn’t see it, Celestia smiled sheepishly. “Ah. I might have made this a three-way drinking game, not us versus him,” Celestia explained, mirroring Luna's turn, only to the west and the setting sun. “If you want, I can see about making it the two of us against him.”

“While that would be desirable, he would get a say in some other handicap he would get. Keeping this contest on as even of terms as we can would benefit us both better than teaming up against him.” Luna nodded subconsciously, signaling the exchange to start.

Both sisters' horns lit up simultaneously, covering the surrounding castle garden in twin bursts of color. Luna's horn let off a beautiful baby-blue hue, while Celestia's shone a bright, regal gold. This went on for a minute before the moon poked up above the east horizon as the sun set in the west. After the waxing-crescent moon was completely in the sky, both ponies stopped their magic, and the color faded away from the garden, only soft moonlight bathing the area now.

Naturally, in this peace and quiet, Discord chose this precise moment to join them. “Hello Celestia! There you are, Lulu! How about we get started on that contest?” He snapped a claw and there were suddenly three tables, each with a pair of cases of Hard Zap-Apple Cider and half a dozen steins in front of them. Accompanied by what appeared to be a cheap folding chair at each table.

“In a few minutes, Discord. We just have to wait for the referee to get here.” Celestia walked over to a table. Luna followed to a second table, with Discord taking the remaining table between them.

“Who's the referee then?” Discord asked, shooting Celestia a questioning glance.

“Applejack. Since it's her first batch of this cider, it's only fair that she gets to referee this game.”

“That seems fair, does it not, Discord?” Luna nodded in acceptance before turning to face the Draconequus.

“Whatever. Just another pair of eyes to witness me out-drink you both.” He waggled a talon in their direction before unfolding his chair and sitting in it.

“Oh, is someone getting' uppity? How ‘bout we fix that,” a familiar voice interjected, drawing their attention.

Three pairs of eyes searched for the voice’s owner. They were momentarily entranced by the Valiant Hero and Element of Honesty, Applejack, standing before them. She stood proudly on all fours under a leafy archway. The wind picked up, and caught her mane just right for it to appear as if it flowed just like the two princesses' hair always did. Oblivious to how powerful she looked at that moment, Applejack just strode up to them. The moment was broken as somewhere else in the gardens, a patrolling guard whistled loudly to pass the time.

“Good evening, Applejack. I am glad you could join us,” Luna spoke up first, greeting the orange mare. Discord huffed before leaning back in his chair.

Applejack bowed to her princesses. “Good evenin’ Princess Luna. Alright, everypony listen up! These're the rules. Ya'll pass out, ya lose. Ya'll can only use magic on yer own bottles, steins, and selves. No healin' magic to flush the alcohol from yer systems, neither. Ya'll mind casting a spell on each other that goes off if ya use any?” All three contestants were taken aback at her tone for a second, before both Celestia and Luna nodded. Discord just snapped his fingers. Each contestant had a new necklace, with a big ruby sitting in it. Celestia demonstrated by casting a healing spell on herself, and her ruby lit up angrily. “Good. Last one conscious at the end of this is the winner. What that means is up to ya'll after that.” She raised a forehoof before speaking once more, “Ya'll ready?”

Applejack nodded and asked again, “Ya’ll ready?”

Each contestant pried open their first case, slipped a bottle out, popped it open, and poured a stein. Looking at each other, they nodded at Applejack. She raised her hoof higher and hollered, “Then let's get to it, ya'll! Go!”

At her cry, they lifted their steins and started drinking. Discord heartily chugged his drink, downing it in naught but a few seconds. Celestia and Luna drank at a more refined pace, but still finished theirs before twenty seconds had lapsed. They finished three more steins each as Applejack looked on with a mix of horror, shock, and respect for the three multi-millennia-old beings, and just how youthfully fast they could put away a bottle of hard cider.

After his second bottle, Discord leaned back to take a short break to catch his breath and steady himself. ‘That cider works quick! It must be the zap apples.’ He looked to his left at Celestia, whom was in better shape than himself, only her magical field wobbling slightly as she prepared another stein. Luna, on the other claw, looked like she wasn't even phased by the drink. She sat stoically, preparing her steins a bottle at a time.

“This bring back good memories, Luna?” Discord called out, breaking the competitive silence that had settled into the area.

“You could say that, Discord. As much as I always enjoy a good challenge, the last time I was part of a drinking contest was before I… betrayed Celestia,” Luna looked crestfallen, “and was banished to the moon.” She buried those feelings to be felt another day, with less drink and more quality time with her sister. Luna looked over to see Celestia smiling sadly back.

Somewhat disheartened by her sudden attitude shift, he turned to Celestia. “How about you, Celly? Any good drinking contests while I was out?”

Celestia’s gaze flew from her sister to Discord. “A few, here or there. Nothing with a drink quite this unique, but the last one was oh... three hundred years ago.” Celestia lifted a hoof to her chin thoughtfully. “I hid my wings with a disguise while on vacation, and had come across a bar in a then much-smaller Manehatten. It was rundown, disgusting, and perfect for a good time…” She chuckled good-naturedly, pausing to drink her stein.

“What do ya mean, disguise, princess?” Applejack asked.

Celestia waved a hoof to Luna. “Though Luna’s more adept and efficient with illusion spells than I am, I’m no slouch either. A few illusion spells to mask them from sight and touch were easy enough to weave,” she replied cheekily.

“Anyways, just after walking through the door, I hear-tell of a drinking contest. Ten ponies were going to compete, with a few spots yet open. The winner won half the combined value of their drinks, losers paid for theirs. A simple little contest, really. I don't quite remember who won that contest, but it wasn't myself... and I ended up spending most of what I had planned for shopping money that night.” The look on her face was more amused than sad, like a bittersweet memory.

Luna looked shocked at her sister's story, while Discord merely chuckled knowingly. “Was worth it, right?” Celestia nodded before they threw back another stein like old friends. The cold, competitive atmosphere surrounding the gardens had warmed greatly at Celestia's tale. It was warm now, almost friendly.

“There were others before that, but I've not had a chance to cut loose since then. I fully intend to do so tonight.” To prove her point, she downed another stein before refilling it. They downed another bottle each before Discord spoke up again.

“Hey Luna, remember when you and Celestia overthrew me with that drinking contest?” That question drew Applejack's attention. “That was an awesome contest. Even though I lost and was turned to stone for most of the last 1500 years, I still say it was worth the hangovers we had after.” Discord threw back another stein, smiling fondly at the contest roughly a millennia and a half prior.

“Whut the hay is he-” Lost in their respective memories, Applejack’s question was left on the sidelines.

“I do remember, and it was worth every minute.” Luna downed another stein. “Still, the drinks have improved immensely since then, have they not?” Luna questioned. Applejack noted that even though she'd consumed as much as her adversaries, it hadn't seemed to affect her in any way yet. “Though, they still do not hold up against my own moonshine.”

“I agree, but I'm still surprised how strong they are now! Back then, a contest between the three of us would last days before Celestia passed out. I doubt this one will last another two hours,” Discord reminisced, thinking of better days when he led, or more accurately played with, Equestria.

Applejack coughed, interrupting their shared reminiscence. “Whut the hay is he talkin’ about, Princess?”

“Sorry, Applejack. We are just three old creatures dredging up memories that should be long forgotten,” Luna apologized sincerely before downing another stein.

“That's alright, Princess, but what did Discord mean about a drinking contest? Ah thought that it was some huge battle where you and Princess Celestia finally overthrew him and brought peace to Equestria,” Applejack asked, not liking where this conversation was headed.

“You mean they didn't put that one in the history books? Oh Celly, I thought you, of all ponies, would've had such a contest written down as it happened!” Snapping his talons, a history textbook appeared in Discord's outstretched palm. He quickly opened it and skipped right to the battle where he was overthrown. “This is wrong. All of it! Why have such, such drivel written about that? I mean, it's like I was never a threat in this!”

“To be fair, you never were,” Celestia chimed in, laughing at Discord's teasing.

Discord grumbled before snapping the book away and downing another stein angrily. Celestia kept giggling, starting to have a little trouble lifting her stein to her lips without spilling.

After their fifth bottle, Applejack noticed something, a slight charge tingled in the air and she heard cracking when they fell silent. Celestia looked to Discord before laughing again. “Hey! You've got electric hair, Discord! Check it out!” She conjured a mirror in front of him. Sure enough, the hair on his face, in his ears, and the mane on his back crackled with lightning. But it didn't stop there, each crackle of lightning shifted with the colors of a rainbow. Luna looked on nonplussed, thinking Discord was just doing this to distract them from his outrage with the history book. Applejack suddenly realized she hadn’t considered how much damage the three could do with their combined powers when plastered, and her mind horrified her by rectifying the situation.

He checked his face out, admiring his new look before smirking deviously. Dread filled Applejack when she noticed his smirk and she hoped whatever he had planned wasn’t for her. Abruptly turning, he grabbed a tuft of his beard, still crackling, and tossed it to Luna. It contacted her shoulder and crackled again as it jolted her. She jumped up and out of her seat, yelping in surprise.

Meanwhile, Celestia went from giggling to full-on belly laughing at Luna's shriek. Guffawing loudly himself, Discord grabbed his tuft back and slipped it back into place, as Luna got back into her seat, her shoulder twitching slightly. ‘Are they all insane or am Ah missing something here?’ Applejack thought. She quickly stood up and galloped away into the castle, a fearful look on her face.

“That was not funny, Discord,” Luna groused, jolting the Draconnequus's tail in return.

Discord merely looked at the singed fur on his tail and used a talon to cut the burned hair off. “Worth it. Even though I'll have to re-grow that hair, that look on your face was priceless!”

The sound of metal scraping against metal off to the side caused all three to look over to Applejack, who now had donned a large pan for a helmet, seemingly from nowhere, with a few pans adorning her back and chest. Their expressions demanded an explanation. “Whut? I’m just gettin’ ready,” Applejack’s reply was curt and her expression was serious.

They collectively shrugged and each drank another stein before Luna stopped grumbling and looking past him to Celestia. “Celestia, I haven't heard you laugh that hard in a millennia.”

“Truthfully, while you were gone I didn't laugh like that either,” Celestia admitted, her tone turning somber as she stared at her drink. “Sure, I laughed and had fun, but nothing like just a moment ag—” She hiccupped once, and her mane and tail started crackling just like Discord's did.

A few loud thumps and more scraping metal off to the side showed Applejack had somehow acquired enough sandbags to entrench herself. Another trio of looks shot at her and she explained again, “Still gettin’ prepared here, just in case.” She’d also managed to acquire more pots and pans to cover herself in makeshift armor completely.

Luna merely sighed in defeat as she noticed her own mane and tail follow suit, crackling with rainbow-colored lightning. Applejack asked, “Uh, ya'll doin that with a spell, or is that the cider?”

Luna looked between Discord and Celestia for a moment before she responded, “That would most likely be the cider, Applejack. I think one of the Zap Apple's properties transferred to the drink, and then to us.”

Applejack nodded sheepishly, she hadn't expected the electrical property from the apple to transfer to the drinker. “Eeyup, this one's new to me. Might want to slap a warning label on the batch that we sell, then.”

“That would be a good idea,” Luna replied, examining her mane some more. Her own lightning seemed to be in shades of blue, occasionally purple or green, but didn’t crackle very far in distance, only a few inches on average. Celestia leaned over to examine Discord’s lightning, and compared it with her own. Discord’s seemed to be rather randomly colored and violently crackled at the table or the ground. It sometimes even flashed pure white or even black, while Celestia’s flashed in any of a rainbow’s colors, and crackled between her mane and tail.

Over the next two hours, the alcohol seemed to take hold, affecting their minds a bit. Discord seemed to become more serious and depressed, lamenting some of his life’s decisions in his mind, while his speech changed in that he cut off a few letters throughout. Luna hardly changed at all, other than lightning in her mane and tail, with her domain over the Night giving her a near-immunity to any and all alcohol. Celestia changed the most; she couldn't use her magic well enough to lift her stein and had to resort to her hooves, but became very bubbly and energetic, and her speech tended to slur. She kept telling jokes or brought up good memories to try and lift Discord's mood, but they only really succeeded for a few moments. Used to being up before dawn, Applejack hardly stayed up this late and was fighting to stay awake inside her makeshift bunker, which she’d expanded once to store a few snacks she’d gotten from the kitchens.

“Hey Applejack,” Celestia started, like she was about to tell a joke. She excitedly continued, “Did you know Alicorns don’t need sleep?”

“Uh, no ma'am, ah thought ya needed sleep just like everypony else,” she replied, slightly confused by the sudden attention.

“I know right?” Celestia said like she was making small talk. “But Alicornsh use shleep as a healing thingie or shomethin’. Like…” Celestia put her hoof up to her chin and thought on how to finish the sentence.

“Applejack.” Luna spoke, garnering the farm pony's attention. “Alicorns use sleep to increase their regenerative properties. If Celestia or I were hurt,” she stopped for a moment to look at the tipsy white sun princess, “or in this case, drunk.” Luna smiled absentmindedly, then turned back to Applejack. “We'd fall asleep to heal faster,” she finished with a welcome smile.

“Don’ f’get me Miss Moon Pr’ncess,” Discord interrupted, waving an arm in the air. “I c’n do tha’ too!” he said with an untypical smile.

“Er, yes indeed. He can,” Luna affirmed, not quite sure herself.

After silence, and another bottle, fell again to their onslaught, Celestia leaned over and started batting a hoof playfully at Discord’s tail, jumping every once in a while when she got shocked by his lightning. The Draconnequus grew sad as his mind wandered, and he didn’t even bother teasing Celestia with his tail. “I know I've been a bad g’y, trying to take over Equestr’a after I got free ‘n all, but in the end, you two’re all I'll have after ‘few centuries or so. And Cad’nce and Twiligh’ will still be wit’ us, of course.” He then perked up a bit. “Ev’n Fluttershy will die som’day, and I'll lose my first true fr’end.”

Celestia stopped batting at his tail and looked over to her sister. Luna looked down dejectedly as she replied, dourly killing the mood further, “No, Discord, you will have just us. I looked into it, and while both Cadence and Twilight are Alicorns, they are still mortal. They may live five hundred years because of their power, but they will eventually leave us.”

Applejack’s dozing was quickly interrupted at that. “Yah mean she’s not immortal, like you three are? If anypony wants and deserves ta help ponies ferever, it’d be Twilight.” Naturally, this revelation caused a further slip in Discord's mood and he threw back another stein, this time in a two large gulps.

“Truthfully, Applejack, we are not even immortal. Only the ravages of time will not claim us. We are still vulnerable to disease and can be killed if something large enough hits us or… the like,” Luna admitted morosely.

“Hey, there'sh no need to be so down about this, Dishy!” Celestia exclaimed. “You know what cheersh me up when I'm sad or streshed? I visit a comedy club or go to the shpa and get pampered!”

“Celly, I ‘preciate the thought, but I don’t need to be ch’red up." Discord quickly became more and more agitated as Celestia tried cheering him up. The lightning in his hair danced more dangerously. Luna noticed his claws clench, like he was about to lash out at Celestia.

“But Dishcord, I-”

“That’s enough, Celestia,” Luna interjected, before Discord could do something rash. Noticing Celestia’s entire demeanor had deflated at her words, and the crackles in her mane and tail diminished greatly, she got up from her chair, walked over to her sister and hugged Celestia. “I know you are trying to help, but all you are helping to do is irritate him right now.”

Celestia eagerly let herself be drawn into Luna’s hug, only to be shocked as their lightning crackled against the other’s body. Luna leapt back, and Celestia tried, but her inebriated state made it look more like a stumble. They shared an awkward look before folding back into the hug, deliberately ignoring the shocks. As she watched the sisters hug, what little conscious bit remained of Applejack’s mind came up with the words ‘Mood Lightning’ to describe the lightning the cider gave them, and she chuckled to herself. Celestia then swayed to her hooves and moved over to Discord.

“I’m sorry I acted like that, but I jus-ust don’t like sheeing you unhappy like this. E-Even when we were drinking againsht one another to rule Equeshtria, you never got depressed. If anything, you got even more… you than before,” she slurred. Gently reaching over, just as Luna had done to her a moment prior, she hugged Discord gently.

Discord let himself be hugged as he felt some of his earlier tension flow away. “I-I know you’re only tryin’ to help, C’lly, but I don’t need a spa treatm’nt or anything like that to fix what’s got me down.”

Celestia let go of Discord and leaned back before speaking, “If you don’t mind me ashking, what ish affecting you?”

Discord sighed and continued, “It’s nothin’ that anypony can do anything about now. Th’old mind’s just goin’ over old mem’ries.” He looked up to see the princesses sharing a look. “It was well b’fore either of you two showed up, f’r the record.”

Luna nodded politely and sipped at her drink while Celestia hugged him again before returning to her own chair. She spoke up softly enough for just Discord to hear, “Well, if you ever want to talk about it, I’m shure Luna and I would be willing to lishen.”

“I’m not sure I ever will want t’talk about it, but thanks for th’offer,” he replied, whispering back. Even though he hadn’t revealed his true thoughts, he still felt a bit better knowing that the pair would be willing to listen.

“You’re more than welcome, Dishcord.” Celestia nodded resolutely before turning back to her drink. “We might ash well finish off the bottle, at least. I’m getting rather sleepy, myshelf.” She then looked to Applejack apologetically, “Sorry to have wasted yo–” she cut herself off after a getting a good look at the farmer. Applejack seemed to barely be awake. She was laying down, keeping an eye on them, but only in the barest sense and rapidly fading away to dreamland. “Applejack?” The mare in question opened her eyes wider and shook her head to wake herself up slightly. “Shorry to have wasted your time, it seemsh we’re not really competing anymore, are we?”

Celestia looked to Luna, who took over speaking, “It seems we are not. If you want to, you may retire to your room and get some rest. Do you need somepony to help you?”

“Nah, Ah’ve got it, your highness. If ya’ll're done with the competition, Ah’m gonna call it a draw and get some shuteye, then.” Applejack yawned loudly before shakily standing up, her armor clanking and screeching loudly. Wincing, but now wide awake, she promptly about-faced and walked out of the gardens, hooves dragging the whole way.

After Applejack had gone, Discord let out a sigh of relief and just sprawled forward across his table and hiccuped a few times. Celestia had flopped down on the ground to keep her world from spinning, but went back to playing with Discord’s tail after a few moments. They’d had ten bottles of hard cider each, after all. Luna looked at her two former competitors and wondered who would be the first to pass out, between them.

“Well, since this competition is over, I’m going to go get ready for some shleep. Come here, Lulu, Dishcord.” Celestia rolled over, stood up and met her sister halfway, wrapping a wing around her sister. The other wrapped around Discord lightly, careful not to draw too tight.

‘Huh. What do you know, they’re actually acting like sisters, for once. For indulging me tonight, and being as accommodating as they could, the least I can do is offer to teleport them up to their rooms,’ Discord mused. “You w’nt me to teleport you up t’your room, Celly? What ab’t you, Luna?” he offered as he looked around to Luna in Celestia’s other wing. “Or I c’n send you both to one r’m, if you want t’spend a little time t’gether.”

Celestia nodded and turned to Luna. “I would love it if Luna s-shpent a little time with me tonight.” Luna snuggled closer to her sister before an affirmative nod was thrown in his direction.

Discord charged some of his energy, intending to teleport them to Celestia’s tower. Assuming his power was inhibited by the cider like Celestia’s appeared to be, he purposely poured more than he felt was necessary into the spell.

“Good night. We will see you in the morning, Discord.” Luna reached around Celestia, and held a hoof up for Discord.

“With m’own hangover, no doubt.” Smiling, his talon bumped her hoof before releasing his spell. A bright flash erupted through the gardens, and they were gone. Discord grabbed the cider cases and stashed them away in the wine cellar. He left the tables, chairs, and Applejack’s sandbag bunker for the patrolling guards to clean up, or himself to grab if they didn’t by morning, as he made his way to his room.

Not one of them, not even Discord himself, bothered to check how much power was behind his teleportation spell, or whether his power was actually inhibited.

Author's Note

Insert generic 'It's my first fic' here, but don't hold back. If something is wrong, tell me.

BioChemicalWolfGear went absolutely nuts here, helping me with characterization. Jesus Christ man. All I wanted was someone to go over grammar and spelling, not tear the characters apart (in only one case, literally). I also may have plagiarized several of his comments to add to the scene. But he's cool like that.

11:00 PM - BioChemicalWolfGear: That's why my comments are long and wordy :D

Before I forget to say this, Celestia and Discord’s drunken states are based on two of my friends.

The actual elements each sister wielded in season four’s premier only differ slightly from this story. Truthfully, swap Magic and Laughter, and that’s the only difference.
This story:
Celestia – Generosity, Kindness, Laughter
Luna – Honesty, Loyalty, Magic
Season Four premiere:
Celestia – Generosity, Kindness, Magic
Luna – Honesty, Laughter, Loyalty

1 - Keep All Hooves and Wings Inside the Vehicle Until It Comes to a Whole and Complete Stop

A bright flash and accompanying explosion lit up a small section of forest, displacing a few rotting tree trunks. In their place, the forms of two equines remained, one reeling from their sudden transportation, the other unmoving.

“That was a little rough, wasn’t it Celestia?” Luna asked, shaking her head. She turned to look at her sister, to find her sprawled out on the ground, snoozing. ‘Wait, ground? We are supposed to be in Celestia’s tower! Discord, where in Tartarus did you send us?’ Her anger started to grow, along with the crackles in her mane and tail before she walked over to Celestia. Luna poked and prodded at her sister’s unconscious form, earning a few unhappy grumbles.

Resorting to a small lightning bolt, she roused Celestia with a strike on her flank. Celestia slurred as she stumbled to her hooves, “What wash that for, Luna? I was tryin’ to shleep!”

“Was not Discord supposed to send us to your tower?” Luna asked, hoping she didn’t just make up that little conversation.

Celestia remembered the Draconnequus saying something about that shortly before she woke up to Luna’s lightning bolt. “Yeah, he did! Where’d he shend us? This place feels like the Everfree Foresht, but this ishn’t any part of it that I remember.”

“I don’t know, ‘Tia, but I don’t think he meant to send us here, he probably used too much power, again.” Luna sighed. “Here, let me fly up and try to get some bearings on where we are.”

Celestia mumbled drunkenly wobbled over to sit on a large tree stump. Taking the mumbled response as ‘go ahead,’ she spread her wings and took off, quickly climbing above the forest’s canopy. After a few hundred feet, she slowed to a hover and tried to find any possibly familiar landmarks. They were roughly a mile into a forest, and on its edge looked like a camp of some kind. The camp had large, long grey strips of what appeared to be stone running along one side and out, further into the distance. She noted a lake with a small island just on the other side of the camp. Looking in other directions revealed the start of a desert, and more forest.

She descended back to her sister, only to find her missing. “Celestia, sister, where did you go?” A soft snore alerted her to her sister’s location. Celestia was on her back, behind the stump. She’d nodded off while Luna was gone, and had fallen backwards. Luna sighed again. ‘I have to find a safe place for her to rest. She is not going to be happy when it comes time to raise the sun. Maybe the camp has room for us.’

Luna picked her sleeping sister up, draped her over her back, and started walking to the camp. Roughly halfway to the camp, Celestia started snoring again, loudly. Luna put up with it for a few minutes before Celestia’s snoring bested her patience. She set Celestia down and woke her up once again. As she set Celestia down, she noticed the lightning in Celestia’s mane and tail had disappeared completely, yet her own remained.

“Come on, ‘Tia, wake up. If we make it to the camp soon, you can sleep in a nice bed,” Luna murmured into one of her sister’s ears. Celestia stirred and sat up a few seconds later.

Celestia yawned and stretched. She spoke, surprisingly not slurring her words as she had earlier, “What was that, Lulu? A bed sounds nice right now…”

To entice her sister to stay awake, Luna offered, “If you stay awake until we get to the camp, I will even make the coffee in the morning.”

Celestia mumbled to herself again and then replied to her sister, “I… I’ll try.” She still wobbled to her hooves and Luna slowly led them both to the camp’s edge.

She hadn’t spotted it from the air, but there was a fence surrounding it, made of some metal. The fence was roughly eight feet tall and had what appeared to be some kind of extra wire running around its top.

“Come, let us fi-” She turned to where Celestia was standing, only to find nothing there. Hearing a whoosh and a gust of air hit her from above, she looked to find Celestia had just gracefully flown over the fence, only to crash face-first into the ground on the other side.

Celestia rolled to lay on her side as she called out, “I’m alright! The ground came up a bit too fast is all.”

‘This is going to be a long night…’ Luna facehooved, flying over the fence herself. She helped Celestia to her hooves. Luna took note of the large buildings nearby, two of which were large enough to store the whole of Twilight’s library-tree inside it, without it touching the ceiling. Their closest sides each had a pair of huge sliding doors on them. One door was partially slid-open with light pouring out, but from their angle, they couldn’t see what was inside. The other five were about half as tall, but they were wider. Two had their doors open, and light spilled out from them.

“‘Tia, let us try the smaller buildings first, maybe they have someplace for us to stay.” Celestia followed Luna as they strode toward the closest building. Luna tripped, toppling forward as her nose landed hard on the smooth stone.

Celestia giggled as she stopped to help Luna up. “Watch your step, Lulu. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I’m surprised you saw it when I didn’t,” Luna admitted, turning to see Celestia on the stone, hooves clacking noisily as she walked.

“It wasn’t hard, all I had to do was watch for where you fell!” Celestia laughed as Luna huffed petulantly and refused to meet her sister’s gaze. “Oh c’mon Lulu, that was hilarious!”

“It was not, sister. It was most undignified of me.” Luna caught up to her sister and they both started making their way to the building.

“That’s exactly why I laughed,” Celestia joked. Luna shot Celestia a quick glare before turning away.

The alabaster alicorn threw a wing around her sister and drew her into a hug. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you Lulu…”

Luna sighed again. “Let us continue, I wish to rest awhile myself. Though there is not yet much for me to do at night, keeping vigil over our ponies dreams I can still do from anywhere.”

Celestia yawned before continuing towards the door. “Alright, let's get to bed then.”

‘This door is so big, it is no wonder they need tracks to open it,” Luna thought as she strode ahead of her sister, reaching the door first and peering inside. “Um, ‘Tia? I do not think this is building is a place for ponies to sleep.”

The large building was open and spacious, with what appeared to be a few rooms in the back. Lined up along the building's sides were what appeared to be winged boxes. Some were grey, others green, some of both were painted to look like dragons or sharks, the rest left what appeared to be bare. To give the boxes even more diversity, some had big, cylindrical objects attached to their wings or tails, while others didn't appear to have any. The final object was in the center row, near the back. It was lifted into the air, and a long, cylindrical object that tapered off to a point, attached to a large drum, was sitting on a large cart next to it.

“What are these things? They look like some kind of giant, advanced paper gliders, but how do they move?” Luna wondered aloud, tuning Celestia in on her thoughts.

“Well, this isn’t a place to sleep, let's check the other open ones,” Celestia suggested, looking to Luna to continue. Luna nodded and left, making her way to one of the other buildings with its lights on. As she neared it, a rumbling steadily grew in volume. Still looking into the original building, Celestia spotted a table next to the door with a few books laying on it, their covers depicting a few of the surrounding gliders. She looked over to Luna, who hadn’t yet noticed that she hadn’t joined her. She smirked before levitating a few of the books over to herself, magically copying them. She quickly tucked them under her wings and returned the originals, before making her way over to Luna.

Celestia’s head pounded as she neared the rumbling building, as a headache set in. She looked to Luna, wincing as a particularly loud grumble sounded. “Perhaps we shoul—” All of a sudden, the rumbling died away, taking Celestia’s headache with it. As the quiet night settled in around them, Celestia amended her statement, “Never mind, Lulu.”

Luna peeked inside, unsure if the rumbling would start again. The building’s interior had stalls, not unlike a farm’s stable. Each stall held something other than animals, though, they were much too large. In each stall sat a tan, boxy object. If anything the two ponies could say about it, was that it resembled a strange mixture of a cart, cannon, and a house.

“Is that some kind of magical cart?” Celestia asked, peeking into the building as well.

Luna looked to the long tube that stuck out the front and she recognized it as a cannon. “I do not know, sister. We should be careful.” Luna looked back to her sister, only to find her gone again. “‘Tia, where did you go this time? This is the third time you have disappeared on me. Do I have to leash you to myself to keep you from wandering off again?” Luna called out, hoping the white Alicorn would heed her words.

“C’mon, let's see if we can find the ursa that woke up. Maybe he can tell us where we are!” One of Celestia’s hooves waved from around the corner, grabbing her sister's attention.

‘Great, either she’s hallucinating, or she actually believes a giant lives here.’ Luna's concentration broke as Celestia's tail flicked around the corner and off her sister's nose. “Celestia, no giants live here. They live in mountain caves, remember? This is neither a mountain, nor a cave.” As they walked along the stalls, a slam in the building's rear echoed through the building, and the door they entered slid closed noisily. Fearing they were possibly trapped, they rushed towards the slam to find a door.

Luna sighed in relief. “At least there is a door here we can leave through.” They turned back and wandered through the stalls, checking out the ‘magical carts’ in greater detail. Instead of having wheels sitting on the ground, the cart’s wheels sat in grooves, like widened, modular train tracks. Its sides and front weren’t perfectly flat, but rounded slightly, and the sides had rectangular plates along their length, covering the upper part of the grooves. The top half of the cart was much more angular. It had some kind of hoofholds and storage racks wrapping around the sides and back. On the very top were various little holes and it had a second, smaller cannon that appeared to be set on a rotating track.

After their examination, they returned to the main walkway and Celestia slid a bit when she went to stop. She looked down at her hooves and noticed a trail leading from the door to a stall. “Is that… sand?” Celestia asked, carefully stepping away from the twin trails.

Luna looked down and confirmed, “Yes it is, ‘Tia. Where did the cart come from, to bring in so much sand?” They followed the trail to the stall, and Luna started sweating from the heat venting from it. Celestia walked up to it, and only when she touched the cart, did she notice the heat.

“Wow, this cart’s pretty warm.” Celestia yawned again, as the excitement from the door closing had worn off. “It’s quite soothing, actually.” She leaned against the cart, reveling in the heat. She followed the heat around to its rear, where she found the heat’s source. Climbing atop the cart, she yawned and laid down on its back. “Luna? I think I’m just going to call it a night here. This heat is far too soothing to pass up right now…”

Luna sighed before admitting defeat and walking around to check on her sister. Celestia had already fallen asleep, her chest rising and falling peacefully. Luna leaned against the cart’s side, and was quickly lulled to sleep by its soothing heat.

Author's Note

This one was a biggie for me. It spawned the alternate earth ‘dark’ storyline, which I may, or may not write. It also all just kind of spiraled out of control from there.

Equestrian Intermissions 4 - Insert Witty Joke Title Name Here

Twilight sat in front of Celestia's throne. She looked bored, and her tone reflected it, “Yes, I know that the princesses are missing. We are doing everything in our power to find them.”

Looking down, she couldn't remember this particular noble's name, but she, like pretty much every petitioner before her, had asked her the same few questions. “Where are the princesses? Why didn't the sun rise this morning on time? When will they be back?” After the first five, she had considered addressing them as a whole group, but didn't want to subject herself to their combined snootiness and selfishness.

“Then do you know when they will be back?” the noble asked.

‘And that's the 12th time the question's been asked that exact way.’ Twilight slouched forward slightly. “I don’t know when exactly they'll return, but as soon as they do, you will be among the first to find out.”

The noble haughtily nodded, accepting her answer. She turned around and strutted out of the room. As soon as the doors shut, Twilight slumped sideways, laying down on the floor undignified. The two guards flanking the staircase couldn't help but hear her groan. They shared a glance, both simultaneously thinking, ‘Like teacher, like student.’

“Is that the last one?” Twilight asked, looking down to one of the guards.

“Afraid not, Princess. We've still got a dozen more yet,” the guard replied as he looked down to the docket floating in his telekinesis. “You could address them all at once, if you wanted to, your highness.”

“No, even this torture is better than addressing them all at once. At least they won’t snub me to death in single doses…” She sighed again before sitting up. “Alright, let in the next one.” She returned her face to a neutral expression. ‘We'll get through this, Twilight. Maybe without turning some of them into cacti.’ The door opened, and another noble walked through.

Author's Note

I exercised that right to be a hypocrite about rhyming these things any time I please.