To Make a Soufflé, You Must Break a Few Eggs
Thanks to Twilight Snarkle, a Proof reader at Ponychan who helped me see to purge this story of un-needed elements and add a bucket full of commas.
NOTE: Italics are use to highlight internal dialogue/thoughts.
By Nuki Mouse
“Oh for the love of Celestia,” muttered Rainbow Dash while she drifted lazily down towards the town of Ponyville, "Just how did I let myself get bridled into a stupid dinner party!" The blue Pegasus was just that... blue, her first full day off from weather patrol in a week, and she's been roped into COOKING of all blasted things! What a way to ruin a perfectly good day for cloud-napping.
Stupid Twilight, why does she want to host a dinner party anyhow? Just because she's never thrown one ain't a good enough reason, brooded Dash. So we all have today off, that doesn't mean we have to throw a party. And who made this stupid rule you got to MAKE your own dish for a dinner party.
Yesterday, when Twilight asked Dash to make the dessert dish, she was initially happy. Dessert sounded easy, dessert sounded... safe. Dash figured all she had to do was get something from Sugarcube Corner, even if it meant another dose of Pinkie. Of all the sissy, frilly things Dash deeply despised doing, cooking was at the top of the haystack.
What the hay, perhaps she’d be better off just telling Twilight that she was sick or something. Of course, Dash realized Twilight would just get out one of her books and try to cure her again. That filly seemed to have a book about everything. I wonder...? No, that’s totally crazy; you can’t learn to cook from a book. But then again, I would have sworn you couldn’t learn to run from a book either. Oh horse feathers, Twilight will never let me bail out of her party any how.
While drifting lower, Dash realized she was gliding right over top of Carousel Boutique. Oh why did Rarity have to go on and on about how a SOUFFLÉ would be just DIVINE, but too bad a tompony like Dash could never bake one, Darling! Sometimes, I wish that prissy old nag would just MUZZLE herself!
Then it suddenly dawned on Dash, She did that on purpose! She TRICKED me into agreeing to make a soufflé! What really bothered Dash was just how easy Rarity's dish was. She’d got the salad course, all Rarity has to do is just collect some fancy grasses and throw them on a plate, it ain’t fair! Just how was she going to make a soufflé when she didn't even know what the heck a soufflé was?
“DARN IT,” Rainbow Dash slammed her hoofs down in frustration as she landed on Mane Street. Rarity could have at least told me what a soufflé was. Horse droppings, I can't ask her now, she’d just rub it in about how un-filly like I am, Dash realized. So I’m a tompony, there is nothing wrong with that. Tomponies don’t have to cook, why do something so sissified?
Except AJ’s a tompony and she can cook, maybe I can ask her for help...? But to get AJ's help, Dash realized she would have to admit to AJ that SHE couldn't cook, and that was something the uber competitive pegasus really didn't want to do. Besides, AJ and Rarity weren't the only fillies roped into this fiasco, there's also Fluttershy and Pinkie. Maybe one of them could help her?
However Dash knew Fluttershy was a vagin, vegon, vegin, something like that. For some reason that meant Fluttershy mostly ate only hay and flowers, and was always asking Mrs. Cake which baked goods had no milk or eggs in them. And what ever the hay a soufflé was, Rainbow Dash did know it had eggs in it, seeing how RARITY had whinnied about how bright and cloudy the eggs got to be.
How can an egg be both bright and cloudy at the same time, she wondered?
That still left Pinkie Pie, even if sometimes Pinkie’s idea of a good dessert was to pour hot sauce on a cupcake... Yuck, Dash mentally winced, ...but she did know how to cook. Even though Dash only knew of Pinkie making muffins, cakes, or candy, Dash had overheard her telling Rarity yesterday that she had a really great soufflé recipe.
With more than a little trepidation, Dash slowly, stealthily, crept over to the Sugarcube. She won't get me this time; no way will she jump out and surprise me yet again. This time I will not fail! Flattening herself against the outside wall, Dash search the bushes and eaves around the confectionery shop before glancing inside the front window, no Pinkie to be seen. Taking a deep breath, Dash slowly pushed open the door and looked around again. Still no Pinkie, no Pinkie hiding above the door, no Pinkie hiding behind the door, no Pinkie ducking under the counter, no Pinkie in the fireplace, no Pinkie in the back room..., one by one Dash checked out all of Pinkie's possible hiding spots.
"OK PINKIE PIE, I GIVE UP! Just get it over with, jump out of the oven or something already!"
"Silly-filly, why would I be in the oven, I'd just get all sooty in there," whispered the bubbly sweet voice directly into her left ear, as the pink prankster pinched Dash's right flank.
"SQUEEEK!" Straight up Dash bounded as her 'fight or flight' instinct kicked in, stuck in full flight mode, all 4 powerful legs thrusting off the floor, only to smack mane-first into the ceiling and then crashing down flat on her hindquarters at Pinkie's hooves. Looking up, a very dazed Dash noticed itty-bitty teenie-weenie tiny little Pinkies circling around her head, but slowly they condensed into just one Pinkie looking down at her.
"Wakie-Wakie Dashie, that's a silly spot to take a nap," the grinning pony said before crying out, "OH WOW, I thought Derpy Hooves was the only pony that could do that eye twirly wurly thing! Are you all hunky-dory?
Thinking foul words no filly would ever say (out-load at least), Dash shakily regained her hooves. Dropping her head down she managed to mumble out "I'm fine...."
"OKIE DOKIE LOKIE,” answered the laughing party filly as she bounced around Dash. "You should have seen yourself, all sneaky-sneaky..., well of course, you couldn’t SEE yourself after all, but you should have seen what I saw! But that would mean you’d have to be me. Would that mean I’d have to be you?" Coming to a dead stop, a puzzled Pinkie closed one eye while rubbing her forehead with one hoof, and patting her backside with another.
"My crown is not all owie, nor does my hinny hurt, so I must be Pinkie Pie, and that would make you Rainbow Dash. Did you know you were Rainbow Dash before you hit your head? That's silly, I guess the real question is; do you REMEMBER being Rainbow Dash AFTER getting that big knotty bump on your noggin."
Dash didn't know what was making her head hurt worst; colliding at full speed into the ceiling, or listening to Pinkie Pie. All she wanted to do was get that soufflé recipe and get as far away from the little pink ditz as fast as she could. Unfortunately, it would take an Act of Celestia to stop Pinkie once she got going in full rant mode.
"But since you ARE Rainbow Dash, then you couldn't be me, and to see what I saw, you would still have to be me. Unless you used a mirror to see what I saw, but if you used a mirror, you would have seen me trotting right behind you, hoof for hoof..."
"PINKIE PIE, WERE YOU HIDING RIGHT BEHIND ME THE WHOLE TIME I BEEN INSIDE THE SUGARCUBE!" Dash bellowed out loud enough to be heard halfway to Canterlot, and immediately regretted it as her aching head throbbed at the volume.
"No, you silly-filly, I've been trotting right behind you ever since you landed down the street."
"WHAT! Why in the wide wide world of Equestria were you following me?" demanded a frustrated Dash. "Why didn't you SAY something?"
"Silly, that would have spoiled the game. It had to be a game, because you were all sneaky-sneak sneak, so I thought you were playing hide and seek. I always loved hide and seek, but I was never any good at it. However, I just knew you'd be really good at hide and seek, and I wanted to see just who you were hiding from. But I knew if the hidee..., um seekie..., SEEKER could see me, then they could see you because I could see you, and they could see me looking at you. So the best place to stay was right behind you, since if they couldn't see you, they wouldn’t see me, and that way I could see who you were hiding from....
"PINKIE PIE, I WAS HIDING FROM YOU!" Dash bellowed out once more, her eyes squinting shut from the pain. Her brain and sanity just couldn't take much more of Pinkie today.
"You were hiding from me, then why were you at Sugarcube Corner? If I was hiding from myself then the last place I'd ever hide would be at Sugarcube Corner, because if I was Pinkie Pie the first place I'd be is at Sugarcube Corner. Wait, I am Pinkie Pie, so if I was seeking for myself then of course I'd be looking everywhere but at the Sugarcube. That means the best place to hide from me seeking myself WOULD be at the Sugarcube after all, since it's the last place I'd look for me. Wow, you ARE good at Hide and Seek, but just who was looking for whom, and why were we both hiding?
For a moment there, somehow Dash understood Pinkie's circular logic for once. I must have rattled something loose upstairs; that almost makes sense, Dash thought before trying to answer Pinkie’s question.
"OK look, I...” at which Dash jabbed a hoof to her own chest “...was hiding from me...,” and now she jabbed Pinkie’s chest “...while sneaking up on myself...,” jabbing Pinkie again “...who was hiding from I...,” jab to Dash’s chest “...because me...” a jab back to Pinkie “...likes to hide and scare the manure out of me, um..., I mean I...” jabbing herself again “...whenever I’m looking for myself," with a final jab at Pinkie.
Dash was extraordinarily proud of her explanation, before realizing in utter horror it would make absolutely no sense whatsoever to anypony except... "NO NO NO, I HAVE BECOME PINKIE PIE!” Dash flung herself to the floor, both fore hooves cradling her addled head as she lay in a trembling heap at Pinkie's hooves.
"Didn't we already decide who is who? By the way if you go around claiming you're Pinkie Pie when you're really Rainbow Dash, other ponies might get all confusey or think you gone loony. Of course you might just be still woozy from that big bumpy bump. Boy was that crash really was a doozy," babbled the overly energized filly while prancing in cycles around Dash.
After shaking her head in a vain attempt to clear away the Pinkie logic from her brain, Dash rephrased her statements; "I was looking for you. You like to hide just so you can jump out and surprise me. I was searching for your hiding spot to catch you before you could jump out."
"OKIE DOKIE, let's see if I got it right. You were looking for me. I was hiding from you. You wanted to find me before I could surprise you?"
"YES!" Dash blurted out, with a quick hoof pump for victory.
"Oh my, I guess I had it all wrong."
"YES YES" yelled out Dash, along with a double hoof pump.
"You are like the WORST Hide and Seek player EVER! You were looking everywhere for me, and I was right behind you the whole time, and you STILL couldn't find me!" Pinkie then stopped her prancing for a brief moment, a puzzle look on her face. "So now you found me, or did I find you? Maybe we both just found each other?" added the pink pony just for fun of it. "But I guess the really really big question is; why did you want to find me?"
"Grrrrr...," suddenly, Dash's fore hooves lashed out and yanked both of Pinkie's hind legs out from under her. In a flash, Dash flipped the startled pony right onto her withers, straddled Pinkie's midsection, and pinned both of Pinkies shoulders flat to the floor with her fore hooves.
Through clenched teeth, Dash managed to growl out "What Is a soufflé?"
"It's a really hoity toity haute cuisine way to make a cake with no flour, just whipped eggs," Pinkie replied. "Is that all you needed me for? Anypony, well at least anypony that can cook, could have told you what a soufflé is."
Dash slowly, calmly, and as clearly as possible continued to tell Pinkie just what else she needed. "I need to make a soufflé. You have a recipe for a soufflé. I need your recipe so I can make a soufflé." There is no way she can twist that around, thought Dash.
"Who has a recipe for a soufflé? That can't be me, because I don't have a recipe for a soufflé."
"Consarnit Pinkie, you TOLD Rarity you had a soufflé recipe, I heard the two of you talking about it right before Rarity tricked me into making one!
"That silly, Rarity didn't really trick you, and I really don't have a soufflé recipe". Pinkie could see a wild, almost feral look in Dash's eyes, as she dug her hooves harder into Pinkie's shoulders. Dashie is about to totally lose it, Pinkie realized in mirth.
"You- are- lying. Rarity- did- trick- me, and- you- did- say- you- had- a- soufflé- recipe. YOU- ARE- LYING!" Dash stated slowly, while emphasizing every word with another dig of her hooves.
"I tricked Rarity into tricking you to make a soufflé, so by the transitive power of trickery, it was really I that tricked you."
"You tricked Rarity."
"Yes I did, it was easily as pie, or rather for a Pie, as in Pinkie Pie that's me!"
"How?"
"I bet Rarity one of my double layer carrot cakes against a new party dress that if she just hinted that a tompony like you couldn't make soufflé for Twilight's dinner party, you would agree to make one rather than admit that you couldn't cook, or that you didn't even know what a soufflé was."
"And?"
"You should see my new dress; I was just at a fitting for it! It's blue with pink lace, and has little cupcakes embroidered...."
"You lied about the recipe" interrupted Dash.
"I didn't lie. Not that I can't lie, but I don't like lying. But that's not true either, sometimes when I'm really-really tired, I do like lying down all comfy on my couch. OK, I guess sometimes do lie, but that also means most times I tell the truth."
"You still lied; you just said you don't have a soufflé recipe."
”You're right, but I still didn't lie. I don't have asoufflé recipe; I have like dozens of soufflé recipes! Lemon soufflés, cheese soufflés, chocolate soufflés, vanilla...."
Dash had enough; she jumped to her hooves while yanking the other pony up. Spinning Pinkie around, she forced trotted the pony back to her kitchen. "Just give me a soufflé recipe, ANY soufflé recipe, and I swear no pony will get hurt!
"There you go," Pinkie replied, as she pointed towards the kitchen counter along the far wall.
In a multicolored flash, Dash raced to the counter, but the countertop was bare except for a lone book. There was no recipe. Dash snatched up the book and looked underneath, still no recipe. She fanned open the book, no recipe. She grasped the book by its spine and shook it violently, still no recipe. "OK, where is it..., where’s the blasted recipe!" Dash franticly demanded as she spun to face Pinkie, book still in hoof.
"You're holding it," was the simple answer.
"I’m holding it?" echoed Dash, as the name of the book finally registered with her mind.
. "To Make a Soufflé, You Must First Break a Few Eggs."
. The easy illustrated guide to baking a perfect soufflé for the beginner cook.
. Recipes by Juliet Foal
. Illustrations by Photo Finish.
"You just happen to own a book about soufflés that you keep on your kitchen counter," stated Dash in a totally flat tone.
"Nope, I got that book from Twilight two days ago, and I just left it on the counter for you to find."
"Why"
"Because, I knew you would need it to make your soufflé,” answered Pinkie.
"Two days ago?"
"Yep"
"You KNEW two days ago that I'd be making a soufflé?"
"Nope, I knew that THREE days ago."
"How?"
"Easy-pleasy, that’s when I told Twilight how keen it’ll be if somepony besides me hosted a dinner party for once.
"PINKIE, you have NEVER thrown a DINNER PARTY BEFORE!"
"Twilight doesn't know that silly."
Suddenly it was all starting to fall in place for Dash, "You helped Twilight plan her dinner party."
"Uh-huh"
"And you just happen to mention I should make the dessert?"
"Yep"
"You then set-up Rarity."
"Yeppers."
Then the very last piece fell into place for Dash. "You were outside waiting for me to show up, you KNEW I'd come looking for help, you played me for a fool!"
“Yessiree!"
"Why?" begged Dash, "why did you do all this to me?
"Because it was fun."
"Fun..., FUN!" yelled Dash, "The only reason you did all this was because you thought it was FUN!"
"And I really-really wanted a new party dress."
"RARITY WOULD HAVE MADE YOU A DRESS ANYWAY; YOU DIDN’T NEED TO TOTALLY HOODWINK ME TO GET ONE! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DO THAT?" yelled out Dash.
"Well, it MIGHT also been due to you telling Fluttershy that there is no way a brainless, pink, bouncing ditz like me could ever out prank the great Dash, and besides I was too dumb to pull off an truly original or elaborate prank by myself."
"Fluttershy TOLD you I said that!” furiously replied Dash, “When I get my hooves on that backbiting...!"
"Of course Fluttershy didn't tell me," interrupted Pinkie, "How could you even THINK that such a sweet and compassionate filly like Fluttershy would ever betray a friend like that!
"Then how...?"
"Remember the big centennial meteor shower last week?" replied Pinkie, "Afterwards, some of the ponies bedded down with me at the Sugarcube, rather than trot home so late."
The sheer incongruity of Pinkie's reply almost threw Dash for a loop, "What in Celestia's name does the BLASTED METEOR...!"
"Fluttershy talks in her sleep." demurely replied Pinkie with a wink.
"You win." mumbled out Dash.
"What did you say?"
"I said YOU WIN, there are you HAPPY NOW!" blurted out Dash. "You're the best prankster! You played me like a fiddle, toyed with my head, and ruined my day off! THERE IS NOTHING MORE THAT YOU CAN DO THAT WILL MAKE THIS DAY ANY WORST!" With that said, Dash, book in hoof, shoved her way past Pinkie and bolted towards the shop’s exit.
"Oh Dashie..." came a mischievous voice behind her, "I convinced Twilight to invite Princess Celestia to the dinner party tonight!"
Dash knew she shouldn't stop, that she should keep going, but she had to say just one last thing. Turning to face the pink pony she simply stated, "Pinkie, you can be a real MULE at times."
Epilogue: Several hours later.
"TWITCHY TAIL! TWITCHY TAIL!" cried out Spike as he pointed towards Pinkie Pie's rapidly vibrating tail. Everypony in eyesight or hearing range ducked undercover, looking fearfully up into the sky. Everypony knew that something, somewhere, was about to fall.
Then a wail of utter despair could be heard echoing from afar, follow by the cry....
".........MY SOUFFLÉ.......!"
The End.
