Author's Note

I live yet! But yeah, sorry about that... little break. There's really no excuse, just... I'm a really slow writer. I kinda hate that about myself.
Of course, getting a new computer that isn't a Mac, that I can finally play the other half of my Steam games on, has not helped in the slightest. Wasn't cheap either.
So! What would you guys say if I set up a donations link, labeled "Feed Felidae0's caffeine addiction"?
Nah, I'm mostly screwin' with ya. Next chapter... Well, I won't make any promises I can't keep, so let's just say it SHOULD come out a fair whack faster than this one did.
Oh! And the reason this journal is at the top is as a way of warning: this chapter gets a bit raunchy. Dark raunchy. I don't wanna hear any complaints if you still read it and don't like it, is what I'm saying.

Business

Chapter 2

Changelings. That was what chased the intrepid archaeologist deeper into the jungle, hemming her in on all sides. Some had shape-shifted into tigers or gorillas, leaping forward in great bounds, and gaining on Daring despite her being in the air. She only wished she could take to the sky proper, and that it wasn’t blocked by the leafy canopy above.

Diving through a thin-looking bush, she emerged back in her camp, and dove, hitting the ground and sliding across the hard-packed dirt. From one of the tents nearby, her latest assistant emerged, and asked her what had happened.

Carapace was an etymologist, and had admittedly been an odd choice, but who knew what the east Zebrican spider cult had placed as defences. She explained she had been attacked by a swarm of changelings, and he did something strange—he grinned.

“Is that so?” Green fire engulfed the stallion, and in his place was yet another changeling. The green bug-pony bared his fangs, and began advancing on her as the others bounded out of the underbrush behind him. “Well, Daring Do, I suppose it’ time to explain why I know so much about insects…”

-Twilight Velvet, Daring Do and the Spider-Queen of the Changelings

Shining Armour blinked stupidly, and tried to pretend he hadn’t just been staring at Ambassador Chrysalis’ rear. “Uh. Business.”

In an instant, Chrysalis’ entire demeanour changed, going from seductive and sultry to slightly annoyed right before his eyes. “Ugh… Of course, it always is. Come in, come in. I swear by the Hivemind, Celestia’s trying to starve me…” He followed her into the room, passing a couple of Changelings wearing armour made of blue carapace. Chrysalis tilted her head towards the door. “Jekyll, Hyde, please guard outside. Just in case.” They both nodded, and the two Changelings ducked out the door.

Shining looked around the as he followed Chrysalis to a couch. Unlike Princess Celestia’s, it seemed that the rest of the rooms were more like opulent apartments, beginning with a large living room, which had a dedicated kitchen section to the immediate right. They were currently seated on two different couches placed against the wall, with a small table between the two in the corner. In front of them sat another, larger coffee table, with a stack of letters in the center, as well as a small pile of what the military part of Shining’s brain registered as paperwork.The table in the corner held a dusty wax cylinder player, obviously never used. Both tables were made of thick, glazed oak.

Across the room, the kitchen section could be clearly seen through a large passe-plat, a counter serving as the barrier between and a place to eat the food off of. A pair of cushioned stools sat underneath the counter on the living room side, also somewhat dusty. In fact, the whole kitchen seemed to share this aesthetic, with all of the implements and ornaments remaining unused, including the icebox. He was sure that should he open it, the ice block would have been missing for years.

In fact, the only thing that broke this pattern was a single cupboard, which, after Chrysalis seated him, she trotted to and opened. “So,” she began, pulling out a glowing pink jar. Her voice was like a dozen different mares a single note separate from each other had spoken all at once. “What sort of business do you have with me, mister…?”

“Captain Shining Armour,” He finished for her. “As in Captain of the Royal Guard. Just got promoted to-day.”

“My, my. The Captain of the Guard himself wants to see little old me? I’m not going to be arrested, am I?”

“Not unless you’ve done something illegal.”

Chrysalis smiled and set her jar down on the counter. Eddies of pink goo flowed in and around each other in such a way that liquid should not. She shot him a sultry look over her shoulder. “I would if you were the one cuffing me. Do you have handcuffs? I do so enjoy the pink fuzzy ones.” When Shining’s face contorted into an expression of disbelief, she laughed in an echoing, yet alluring cackle. “Mm. I would guess not, then. Must not be your thing.”

She tapped the jar on the counter. “Would you like some, Captain? I understand it’s polite to offer Ponies some of what you’re eating.” It was a plain lock-lid jar, maybe the width of, and slightly taller than his hoof.

“What is it?” Shining asked. In response, Chrysalis clicked the lid open, and scooped out a small dollop with the edge of her hoof. Carefully moving back across the room, she held it before him, and looked Shining in the eye.

“Love.” She said the word wistfully, as though it were some grand delicacy she had heard of yet never tasted. “Pure, solidified love. It’s safe, I promise.”

Warily, Shining reached out and scraped the pink goo off of Chrysalis’ own hoof, making note of the texture of her carapace. The end of the hoof was solid, much like his own, but he could see it flex at the joints like armour. It felt like very thick flesh, as opposed to the keratin of a hoof, and there was no distinction between the underside and her frog. It was simply a solid mass, with the slightest hint of walls around the edges.

His attention returned to the solidified love, and he slowly brought it to his own mouth. In front of him, Chrysalis had begun scooping hooffulls from the jar and eating them like a bear eating honey. His tongue extended, and he licked the pink goo.

His tongue exploded.

Or at least, that’s what it felt like.

It was like a metric tonne of sugar had been compressed into the tiny blob of goo, and he was completely unprepared. He didn’t even have enough wits about him to recoil, or spit it back out, as doing so would cause the sensation to rekindle. He could only sit perfectly still, and make a pained keening noise as his eyes watered. Chrysalis said something, probably asking if he was okay, but he couldn’t hear anything but his own heartbeat thundering in his ears.

An eternity of uncomfort later, he swallowed, and the sensation dissipated enough to allow him movement. He immediately gagged, and stuck his tongue out, realizing he couldn’t taste anything when he licked his lips. Chrysalis waved her hoof in front of his face. “Captain?”

Shining replied with a noise not unlike “Glaaaaaugh…” and the Ambassador smiled. “Ah, good! Would you like some more?”

He shook his head, and Chrysalis shrugged. “Suit yourself.” She finished the jar off, using a obscenely-long tongue to clean out the dregs. Within seconds, the glass jar seemed sparkling clean, and her horn lit up with a bright green glow to lift the jar in a similarly-coloured aura. With a clink, she set it in the sink, and turned back to Shining, who could finally think. “So, Captain, if you’re not here to arrest me and you didn’t come for the treats, then you have me stumped. Not that I mind your presence, but it does beg the question: Why are you here?”

Shining coughed, and adjusted a sleeve of his uniform. “I’ve just come from Princess Celestia’s quarters, as she’s assigned me an extra duty.”

“Do tell.”

“I’m to act as your Lord Protector, effective immediately.” This was said with a ear for drama, as it was meant to be impressive, to flatter, and to earn admiration.

Chrysalis’ eyebrow rose. “I have no idea what that is.”

Shining sighed, and began quoting from his time at the military academy. At least it would come in handy for something other than theoretical scenarios. “Well, a Lord Protector is not unlike a bodyguard, but much more devoted. Normally, the position can only be filled by a being that the Protected wholly trusts and personally had trained for it. They can be assigned by the ruling Princess or Captain of the Guard, however. It’s also somewhat beneficial if the Lord Protector and the Protected become friends, should they not be at least as much already.” He paused. “What I’m saying is, she’s assigned me to you, and your protection is now my job. I’m hoping she’ll allow me a little bit of a reprieve, considering I’m basically pulling double duty.”

Chrysalis put her hoof to her chin, and looked a little bored. “So what you’re saying is that Celestia’s assigned me a 24-hour, high-falutin bodyguard. Am I in danger, or…” She trailed off, allowing him to reply.

Shining sighed. “I don’t know, actually. She seems to be concerned you’re becoming anti-social, and that’s one of the things that really sets her off for some reason. Apparently one of the hidden duties of the Lord Protector is to make the Protected get out more.” When Chrysalis didn’t respond, and was simply looking at him without visibly comprehending what he had said, he continued. “You know, if you put in a request, you could probably have me replaced with somepony else. You know, some Sergeant or somepony who-”

“Why would I do that?” She interrupted, a predatory grin adorning her face. “A handsome stallion wholly dedicated to keeping me company every second of the day? This might actually be Celestia’s way of apologizing. Just in time, too. I was gonna be bored in a bit, and the last time that happened, me and five of my guards invaded the kitchens.”

Shining blinked. “...You did what? Wait, you just got here three weeks ago. When did you-”

“Tuesday.”

“...Okay then.” An awkward silence invaded, raped, pillaged, then nicely asked to borrow a cup of sugar, before burning the house down. Silently. During which Chrysalis picked up a letter from the table, opened it, and began to read. Shining coughed, and stood up from the couch. Chrysalis' eyes followed him as he moved across the width of the apartment, his curiosity concerning the door overtaking him in the absence of anything else.

"That eager to get into the bedroom? Ooh, I like that in a sta-"

"Stop that." Shining's statement was roughly as blunt as a frying pan to the muzzle. Only a literal frying pan would have been more effective.

"...What?"

Shining sighed. "Sorry. I've just... I've been getting that sort of thing for a while from Cadance."

Chrysalis blinked, before her eyes lit up with realization. "Oh! That's where I've seen you! I thought you looked familiar!"

"Well, yeah, I look like the Royal Guard's armour illusion naturally-"

"No, no, well, yeah, but I mean Dr. Cadenza has pictures of you all over her office! Pictures of you in your armour, in your uniform, foal pictures (you were a cute foal, by the way), high school pictures with both of you, pictures of you in the shower..."

"Wait, what?"

"Pictures of you all over the place. Never thought to ask about them before."

"Hang on, go back to the bit about the shower-"

"Are you two together? I'll back off if you are."

Shining paused, considering his answer carefully. "It... Depends on who you ask. If you ask Cadance, she'll try to tell you we've been together since high school."

"And are you, Captain?"

"I think we had a fling, and she had a breakdown, and now she's weirdly obsessed with me." He watched Chrysalis' reaction carefully. "You don't believe me, do you?"

Chrysalis seemed genuinely surprised. "Hm? No, I believe you. Look, we feed off love. And while I didn't need any jarred love for a week after she mentioned you once, I don't feel any from you. At all." She looked away for a moment, before attempting to change the subject. "So... Dr. Cadenza had a breakdown in high school?"

Shining trudged back to the couch, his nose twitching. He sat next to Chrysalis, and leaned against the back of the couch, staring up at the ceiling as he went back to that night. "Yeah. A little bit after we showed up that jackass Buck Withers, she went off to the bathroom. I was talking with this weird grey stallion in a fedora, when she came screaming out of the bathroom, yelling something about a Crystal Emperor and sombreros."

He sighed. "The campus constabulary were already on edge after 8-Bit and Gaffer's shenanigans in the rafters, so they tried to stop her before she caused too big of a panic. All they did was tear her beautiful purple-and-pink dress." Next to him, Chrysalis suddenly perked up, and glanced at him. He continued unabated. "She basically pounced on me, and that was all the provocation the constabulary needed to break out the incapacitation spells. We both got hit. I woke up the next morning in my bed, with Twiley hugging me.

"Princess Celestia got overprotective after that, keeping her locked up in the Palace. Now, I was a teenager, and pretty much only thinking with my... Anyway, I thought meeting her again would be easy: I just had to become a Royal Guard." He shifted again, adjusting his uniform. "But, when I finally did meet her, she was acting… weird. I didn’t notice at first, because I was happy to see her again. She used to be so different, so caring…”

He trailed off, and Chrysalis noticed. “ Captain?”

Shining shook his head. “Nah, it’s nothing. Sorry I just starting dumping all that on you, I don’t know why I did that…”

Chrysalis smiled, placing a hoof on his shoulder. “It’s alright. Go ahead, say whatever you need.”

Shining nodded, leaning into her hoof. In response, she shifted, so Shining could comfortably lean against her own shoulder. He spoke quietly, as if afraid Cadance would pop out from behind the couch. “I keep giving her more chances. I think that’s the real problem. I let her close for a bit, and then she tries to seduce me, and I force her away. She doesn’t understand I don’t want a quickie in the broom closet.”

Chrysalis tussled his mane. “Obviously you liked her before her breakdown. Focus on that. Now, tell me about her.”

Shining closed his eyes, and sighed, going back to happier times. “She was so sweet, and caring. I had always been straddling the line between the jocks and the nerds, being a big bulky stallion that enjoyed playing board games and the like. She was sort of straddling that line as well, hanging out with the jocks just so she could stick around and rescue their victims from lockers and trash cans. She was even Twiley’s foalsitter, up until-”

“Wait, who?”

Shining blinked, as realization dawned. “Oh, uh, smart purple unicorn, pink streak through her mane, usually has her nose in a book? She’s the Princesses’ personal student… uh… National hero, as of about a week ago?”

Chrysalis brightened. “Ah, her! Of course, we’ve seen her in the newspapers.”

“We?”

“I’ll explain later. So, Ms. Sparkle’s former foalsitter?”

“Right. So, she was Twiley’s foalsitter for a bit, and I think they even schemed together a fair bit to try and get me and Cadance together. She just had one of those personalities where everypony likes her, you know? If you were down, she’d cheer you up. She was always there for me. When I was around her, I could relax.”

Shining sighed again. Beside him, Chrysalis put her hoof around him in a hug, pressing him close. Surprisingly, her carapace wasn’t hard like he’d thought, maybe just a little tougher than a pony’s skin. He was surprisingly comfortable. In fact, after the day he’d had, he was kind of tired. Well, he could trust Chrysalis. He could probably fall asleep right… here…

Wait. Wait one bucking second. Three weeks ago, at the briefing, Princess Celestia had warned that Changelings were capable of mind control, from gentle suggestion all the way up to outright mental domination.

Shining wasn’t tired anymore.

His forehooves flailed, his right hoof smashing into Chrysalis’ jaw with a crack, and his left pulling him off the couch and onto the floor. From his new position, he glared at her. She had been knocked backward, by the force of the blow, and had fallen over the armrest, clutching her mouth. Tears (fake, he knew) were free-flowing from her catlike eyes, which were themselves filled with shock and hurt.

For a moment, he saw those eyes, and regretted what he’d done, because of how genuine they seemed… but the moment passed as he realized he was simply being manipulated once more. His own eyes narrowed. “You’re just like her.”

The door to the apartment slammed open, and the pair of Changeling guards darted in, taking in the situation with a glance. Yet… they didn’t attack. Shining continued unabated. “You’ll say anything to get my love. You tried to seduce me, and when that didn’t work, you tried to manipulate me into telling you about Cadance so you could mimic her. And while I was doing that, you tried to drug me!”

Chrysalis whimpered as he glared at her. “Deny it. I dare you.”

Beside her, one of the guards began to speak with her voice. “C… Captain… I think… I think you broke… my jaw…” The guards themselves were still standing there, wielding some kind of chitinous dagger, which made the timid tone coming from one of them all the more disconcerting. “... No… I’m so sorry… I didn’t even realize…”

Shining let out a growl. “Likely story. Now, listen up; I’m going to walk out that door. Don’t try to stop me, and I won’t mention this to Princess Celestia. We’ll both pretend that this never happened, and that you declined the offer for a Lord Protector.”

The same guard that had been using her voice shuddered, before seemingly being forced to nod. Shining stood slowly, and they both began to rotate around the room on equal sides until Shining reached the door, and they reached Chrysalis. The one that had remained silent sheathed his dagger… somewhere, and began tending as best it could to the Ambassador. Still moving slowly, Shining bit down on the door handle, and pulled the door shut. Safe in the hallway, he exhaled.

“Hey Shining.”

“Sonofabitch!” He yelped, spinning around and yanking his sword out of its sheath. He wasn’t ready for the reduced weight, however, and lost his grip. The freed blade whizzed through the air dangerously, barely missing Flash’s head.

“Holy shit!” Flash squeaked, dropping low to the carpet with his wings splayed. “Whoah! Hey! Same side, same side! What the fuck?!”

They both stopped, ready for a fight, and waiting for the other to make the first move. After a few seconds, they both began to relax. Shining’s horn was still lit from drawing his sword, but he powered it down in response to Flash folding his wings. Flash glared at him.

“Dude. What’s up with you? What’s up with everypony today?”

“It’s...It’s nothing. I’ll tell you later. What are you talking about? Did something happen?”

Flash nodded. “Back at the party, about five minutes after you left, everypony just started going funny. First we thought a few of the drunker guards were getting frisky, but pretty soon everypony started trying to… well....”

Shining’s eyebrow rose. “Everypony? Even Lieutenant Heavy-”

Flash shivered. “Yes. Even him. It was like watching an olive-green whale trying to hump Sapphire Shores. And it was horrible…” He shook his head. “Well, almost everypony. Anypony who hadn’t drunk the punch was unaffected. I’d had Barne’s whiskey, remember?”

Shining’s heart sank. “So… You’re saying that somepony likely spiked the punch with some kind of… Aphrodisiac poison?”

Flash paused, then nodded. “You… You don’t think…” He glanced back down the hall. “Would your crazy-ass girlfriend really-”

“I know she would.” Shining began trudging back down the hall. “And that’s the sad part.” He paused to yank his rapier out of the wall. As it slid back into the sheath, he muttered to himself, “Stars… Do I attract the crazy ones, or go looking for them?”

“Pardon?”

“Drop it, Flash. Where’s Hackmaster? It’s not on your back anymore.”

Flash shrugged, before turning to follow him. “Eh, it was weighing me down, and I wasn’t far from your quarters. Left it on your bunk. Careful when you lie down, that thing is sharp.”

A scoff came as a reply. “You act like I sleep with it.”

“...You don’t?”

There was only the slightest bit of hesitation before Shining replied. “Shut up.”

Flash lost it, completely and utterly. “Ha! Oh goddess, you do, don’t you! That’s friggin’ hilarious! Hehehehe… Why? Is it ‘cause you can’t get a non-crazy girlfriend? Or because you need to keep it with in case of crazy girlfriends?”

Shining sighed, pointedly not answering the question. “Look, can you and your Overseers handle the remnants of the party, manage cleanup, de-toxify them?”

“Probably. You’re not going to help?”

“I’d only get in your way, and then I’d need to be sworn to secrecy. Again. Wasn’t fun last time, probably won’t be again. Besides, it’s been one fucked-up day. I’m going to bed.”

Flash nodded, then stopped, blinking. “Sheeeit. Speaking of which… I think I forgot to turn some of the artifact shielding back on.” With that, the odd Pegasus took to the air, quickly gliding down the hallway. Shining began to follow in his general direction, as it was in that general direction that his quarters were placed. He gave his new breastplate a tug as he walked. As much as he enjoyed the position, that thing was uncomfortable.

It was around then his nose slammed into the door.

He gave a yelp as he dropped back onto his rump, and glared at the door in question. Who left this door here, where anypony could walk right into it? He looked around to check where he was.

The officer's barracks. Hm.

He looked back to the door, which he noted was closed. Giving it a pull with his magic, it opened, revealing his room. Had he walked all the way here without even...? He shrugged. He really needed some sleep.

The next few minutes were a blur, and nothing particularly special. He took off the breastplate, leaving it on his table, hung his uniform in the dresser, realized he had locked his door initially and Flash had still gotten in without any problems, and brushed his teeth. After which he locked his door again, and slid into bed beside Hackmaster. Gripping the sheathed blade as one would a teddy bear, he felt sleep overtake him.

Shining stood next to Sergeant Barnes the next morning, out on the castle's green. This was the space behind the castle, which doubled as a military base. The backdoor into the castle led straight into a guard checkpoint, after which was the officer's quarters. Around him, he could see the guard barracks, and at the far back, the vehicle depot. Before him, in a wide open field in the center of the base, stood their next group of trainees. There was maybe fifteen, all told. Mostly mares, oddly enough, but a couple stallions as well. And, for whatever reason, a Gryphon.

"Barnes."

"Captain."

"Why is a Gryphon trying to become a royal guard?"

"Equality suit. She's an equestrian citizen, and we needed a Gryphon or we were going to be under investigation for discrimination."

"Alright then. Barnes, do what you do best."

The bulky stallion didn't respond, and simply strode forward to glare at the trainees. The castle was at one of the highest points on the mountain, and the base behind it. For that precise reason, training wear was limited to simple shorts for everypony. It was only to be expected that they were all shivering. Barnes, as Shining knew, would use that to his full advantage.

"You cold, recruits?!"

"Sir, yes, sir!" Came as the reply.

"Well, today's exercise should warm you pansies up! Look sharp for Captain Shining over there; he's your superior officer, as well as mine. And since he's decided to grace us with his presence, you have to impress us both! Doubly so, as he's volunteered to assist me with the training. Now, which of you foals has played tag?"

Nearly everypony's hoof went up, including the Gryphoness' claw. Only one hoof did not. Curiously, Shining recognized the mare as Duchess Fleur de Lis, wife of Duke Fancypants. What was she doing here? Barnes singled her out anyway. "You've never played tag?! Who the fuck has never played tag?!"

She cowered under his gaze, but managed to respond in her delicate Prench accent. "Sorry, Sergeant. I was an only child, and went to a private school."

Barnes blew her off, and began pacing from one end of the line to the other. "Fancy-ass nobleponies, too good to play a gorram game of tag with their child... Fine! For those of you who have never played tag..." He punctuated his last word with a glare at Duchess de Lis. "...Here's how this shit's gonna go down, with a twist. Now, normal tag's only got one pony who's 'it'. But in my version, everypony's it 'cept for one unlucky bastard. All of you are gonna chase that unlucky bastard, and the pony that gets him? Gets a night in bed with him."

Shining blinked. Did Barnes just...

"Now, you might be wondering; Oh, wonderful and handsome Sergeant Barnes, why haven't you been promoted yet? I'm not answering that one. But the others are probably wondering, 'Barnes, who is this pony we're chasing?"

Oh no. Shining could see where this was going. He preemptively bolted for the corner of the castle.

"That's right, you much-luckier fillies and colts, you're chasing- Hey! Come back here, you're not supposed to start yet! After him!" Shining barely heard Barnes confirm his fears as he rounded the corner and entered the castle's statue garden. Doors. He needed a door he could lock. Those were inside.

Behind him, some of the faster pegasi were already catching up. A sky-blue Pegasus with a rainbow mane was right behind him, and he just barely avoided her by ducking around a corner. With a howl of frustration, she smashed into the hedge, becoming tangled in the branches. Behind him, a large red Earth pony stallion was leading the pack, his longer strides and able body placing him in front. Shining lobbed an entrapment spell behind himself, webbing up the stallion's hooves. The last Shining heard of him was a muted "Eenope" as he turned the corner.

He turned said corner and ran right into the Gryphon from earlier, who clung to his back like a leech. "Just take a breather, dalink. Momma Gjinka gots you now, dot's right..."

With only a moment's hesitation, Shining cast an expanding bubble shield, which forcibly ejected her from his back. "Damn my exotic taste in females!" He saw another corner a fair distance ahead, before his view was blocked by a familiar purple mare blinking directly into his path. He ground to a halt to prevent hurting Twiley.

"B.B.B.F.F! I did some genetic research, and calculated that if you impregnate me, our foal has a seventy-six percent chance of being one of the strongest unicorns in history, with only a twenty percent chance of genetic deformation! Celestia will be so proud!"

"What in all the fucks. No. Not in a hundred fucking years." He barreled past her, and rounded the corner, deftly avoiding a stasis spell she fired in response. Come to think of it, hadn't he been rounding far too many- Ah, the main doors! He leapt at them, slamming them open with a squeal as the wood was dragged on the marble. His hooves began to beat out a steady staccato rhythm on that same marble, quickly joined by those of the trainees.

He believed he had enough of a lead that he could lose them in the castle's hallways, and he wasn't wrong; unfortunately, he quickly became lost himself, he was so turned around in the winding corridors. He finally came to stop at a T-junction, and considered his options.

To his left, the corridor simply seemed to go on forever, disappearing into the horizon. This was odd. He was... Marginally sure none of the castle's corridors had to account for the curvature of Arcadia. To his right, the corridor seemed to have lost all gravity, with several decorative rugs and potted plants floating in midair. He turned around to try and go back, only to find that the corridor he had entered from had disappeared, and the wall replacing it had been decorated with a painting of High Viscount Thaddeus Blueblood (Amadeus' great-great-great-to-something grandfather.)

He could feel the painting mocking him.

Shining snorted at it, and turned around again, noticing a door that he was quite positive had not been there before. Eagerly, he yanked the door open and ducked through...

...right into the still-searching crowd of trainees. Another bubble shield snapped into place around him almost without thinking, and he bowled right through the crowd. Somepony yelled "Strike!" for comedic effect. He turned to see who, and found Princess Luna standing in a doorway. She waved a hoof, beckoning him closer. "Get in here, Shiny! They won't be able to follow you!"

Eager for the assistance, Shining ducked through the door just before a hail of stasis spells followed, slamming into the heavy oak portal to little effect. Said door slammed shut, and the room beyond was instantly plunged into darkness. Shining blinked, making sure his eyes were actually open. They were. When that failed to provide fruit, the he waved his hoof before his face, eventually bringing it closer until he poked himself in the eye.

“Gah! Firkin’ dirk blast… Princess Luna? With all due respect, it is kinda dark in here.”

“Indeed it is. That’s the point, Shiny.” Her voice was… shifting. The tone changed as she was speaking, as did the inflection. Curious, the Stallion lit his horn with a light spell, and recoiled in horror.

What was before him now… He almost wanted to say it wasn’t Equine. It seemed to have been Princess Luna initially, but it had begun to shift into the Changeling Ambassador, and then into Cadance, seemingly skipping steps and taking shortcuts whenever it could. Still, it lasted only a moment, before the Princess of Love stood before him.

She lit a hundred candles around the room with a blink of her horn. As much as Shining wanted to protest otherwise, he recognized the room; Cadance’s boudoir. The very thought horrified him, and yet, something inside him finally broke. He simply sighed, and laid back on the bed.

“So… This is where this was always going, huh? Probably should’ve guessed.”

Cadance was grinning, that same damned predatory grin, and she approached him slowly, her hips slowly moving from side-to-side seductively. “Isn’t this romantic, Shiny? You, me, and a candlelit fuck… Doesn’t it excite you?” She stopped next to the bed, where his legs were hanging off, as he looked up at the ceiling. He’d just lie back, and get this over with. It couldn’t be that bad.

“You strike me as a family Stallion, Shiny. Well, we could start a family right here. I’m the Princess of Love, and I can induce heat, remember? Any… time… I… want.” As she spoke, she reached out between his legs, teasing out his- he grimaced. Just lie back and get it over with. It would be over soon. As she finished, she began punctuating her words with a stroke down his still-flaccid shaft.

“Shiny? Why aren’t you getting hard? You want this, so why are-”

“I don’t care anymore.” Shining stated bluntly, still staring at the ceiling. “Just do whatever you like. I’m sick of running, of fighting it, of having to be afraid of my old marefriend, of being afraid of exactly this happening, every moment of the day. I’m sorry I fought it this long. Have fun, Cadance. I never did.”

The concerned frown she had worn for a few seconds disappeared midway through his little speech, quickly replaced with an eager grin. She looked, for all the world, like a teenaged colt that had been given the keys to and told to watch an adult toy shoppe. She happily gave his tip a lick, and purred, “That’s wonderful, Shining. I’ll take care of everything. I love y-”

There was a hum, the exact frequency to set one’s teeth on edge, and then Cadance’s head exploded. A fine red mist filled the air, and her horn rocketed past, embedding itself in one of the bedposts. The rest of her body slumped onto the floor, though her new, stumpy neck was still squirting blood everywhere.

“‘Tis not how a courtship is meant to be pursued.”

Princess Luna fluttered down from above, gently alighting onto the carpet, and turned to face him with a wry grin. “And we doubt a millenia hast changed tradition so much. Thou art well, Captain?”

Shining waved his hoof. “Eh, I’m fine. A bit coated in Cadance, but I’m sure it’s what she would’ve wanted.”

Princess Luna nodded, and her horn glowed again. The blood seeping into everything, from Shining’s fur to the bedsheets, simply evaporated. The corpse itself followed suit, fading away into nothingness. She gave the room a once-over, and turned back to Shining. “So, Captain, wouldst thou please tell us what plagues thine mind? Mayhaps thou couldst explain thusly why this apparition sought to perform undesired acts of lust upon thee?”

Shining still hadn’t moved, and was simply staring at the ceiling. “What’s the point?”

Princess Luna was taken aback, to say the least. “We beg thine pardon?”

“What’s the point? You’re just going to try and butter me up to fuck me too, now that you’ve killed Cadance. Just get it over with.”

Princess Luna’s face twisted, angry, then confused, before finally settling on an expression of realization. "Captain, art thou aware that we reside concurrently within thine dreamscape? All our surroundings are but an illusion created by yon, save ourselves and thee."

Shining's ears twitched. "That... Actually would explain a lot. How do I know you're real? That I didn't just dream you up as well, to give myself a reprieve? Why would you be in my dream?"

Luna sighed, trudging around the bed. "Our sister spoke truly, then. Nopony today knows of our abilities, if the Captain of the Guard himself does not. Hast Tia ever spoken of our father?"

Shining rolled his head back and forth on the bed, in a negative manner. "No, but I'm not really that close to her."

Luna hopped on top the bed from the far side, but keeping a respectful distance from the estranged Stallion. "Mm. No, of course not. Our father, Mond, created a spell that would allow him to walk between the waking world and the sleeping one, and to allow him the powers of a god within that space - Which he dubbed henceforth the Dreamscape. Having thus gone mad with power, he put his entire kingdom to sleep, and began expanding outward. He was the ruler of a snoring country, and t’was how our mother found him.

"Mother entered his Dreamscape, and defeated Mond. After trapping him within his own Dreamscape, she kept going back, slowly reforming him and restoring his sanity. He proposed to her the day he came out of his five-year coma, and Our sister was born a year later."

At seeing Shining's eyes glazing over, she gave him a sharp poke. "We art going somewhere with our story, Captain. We wouldst appreciate thy attention!"

"Father revised his spell, limiting it, and swore to use it only for good, with Mother keeping a close eye on him. He entered pony's dreams again, this time dispelling the Nightmares he had created as consequence of his tyranny. When We became old enough and strong enough to use it responsibly, Father taught us it, and we joined him in his duties until he... Met his end. After which, we continued in his stead, 'til our corruption."

Shining rolled onto his stomach, his chin resting on his knees. "So, uh... How's that been going?"

Princess Luna shot him a chilling glare. "Considering the aforementioned corruption, not that well. We hath not returned to that particular duty yet; t’would be too soon, we fear, and ponies would panic. To assist thee wert not our decision, but that of our sister; she feared Princess Cadenza had traumatized thee. It worries us that her fears were justified."

"Well... Thanks anyway, Princess Luna." At seeing her smile, he continued. "Uh... What next? Surely you're not going to simply tell me to 'face my fears' or some such. I wouldn't even know where to start with Cadance."

"Mayhaps. Firstly, close thine eyes, Captain." He did so. "Listen to the sound of our voice.Allow it to put thee at ease, to allow thee relaxation. Now, think of a place. It can be any place 'pon Arcadia, or any place beyond it, so long as thou art comfortable and happy there. Envision it with thy mind's eye, and hold it."

"Now, open thine eyes."

Shining's eyelids slid open, and he took in the area around him. He had left Cadance's boudoir far behind, and he found himself now sitting on the solid wooden planks of a Gazebo. Beyond the Gazebo was a small meadow terminating in a cliff, but kept safe by a chest-high wooden fence. A picnic table sat under a Cherry Blossom tree nearby, and a small koi pond reflected moonlight from the full moon near the horizon.

"I... I recognize this place." He began. "My parents used to take me and Twiley up here for hikes, and to practice our magic! was loved this spot... I wonder if it's still here?" He turned to Luna, who was lying on the wooden planks. "How did you...?"

"We did not. T'was but thine own mind what brought thee here. Though we must commend thine parents; 'tis an excellent spot for stargazing. A change in scenery was necessary; We cannot imagine bedrooms have many positive connotations for thee now.”

Shining stood, looking around the meadow. “No. Not after that.” He gave a shiver, despite the warm breeze blowing through the Gazebo, and sat down again.

Princess Luna gave him a sad frown, and moved closer. “Whenever thou art prepared, Captain, please expound upon what ails thee.”

The Stallion looked down at the wooden floor of the Gazebo. “I feel.. like a piece of meat. Like a trophy instead of a Pony, and like every mare wants me for herself. I would’ve loved the attention as a teenager, but now… They just want to bed me, because they think I’d be a good husband. I can’t do my job, I can’t fulfill my duty, and my special talent is protecting others. I feel jaded. I can’t trust anypony anymore, so I can’t protect them. And if I can’t protect them… I don’t want to think about it.”

“Dost thou trust us?”

“I… Maybe. I’m not sure yet. You haven’t tried to seduce me yet, but you keep inching closer…” Princess Luna scooted backwards as though bitten, as a show of respect.

“Apologies. Most ponies prefer contact, to make them feel at ease.”

“It’s alright. I’m just… Not really letting anypony close. Maybe that’s my problem. Like the Ambassador today…”

“Ambassador?”

Shining blinked, replaying the day’s events in his head. “Yeah. Ambassador Chrysalis. She was trying to comfort me too, and I think…” Shining hid his head under his forehooves. “I think I bucked up.”

There was a sharp intake of breath, and he moved his hoof just barely enough to look at the Princess. Instead, he saw himself and Chrysalis on a couch in the center of the Gazebo, a still-life of the climax of his day. He was frozen in time, as was she, and it seemed to be just after he punched her in the jaw. Shining moved his hooves and stood up, walking a wide circle around the couch, and taking in every detail.

Luna stood on the other side, inspecting the event. Her expression was easily identifiable as shock. “‘Tis… ‘Tis also not how a healthy relationship is meant to be pursued, whether professional or personal. We had no idea…” She glared at him. “We hath no doubt in our mind thou hast an explanation?”

Shining sighed, stepping closer to the frozen Chrysalis, and looking away from Princess Luna. “More like a justification, really.” A drop of lime-green blood hung in midair, until Shining stepped into it by accident. It unfroze, spattering onto his cheek. He brought his hoof up, and tried to wipe it off. He only succeeded only in smearing it onto his frog. He noted, bitterly, it was the same one he had hit her with. “She was drugging me. I know that. But… She wasn’t doing it on purpose. It was just how she was trained.”

Luna stepped closer, standing next to his frozen self, and observed his locked expression of hurt, of anger, of confusion. Her own expression softened into sympathy. “We know better than any other Pony that choices made in the haze of anger tend to be incorrect. We made our decision, and stuck by it, and for that… We hath spent a millennia away from all that we adored.” She turned to the real Shining. “Thou hast made a decision, but the consequences of it have not yet been made material. ‘Tis not too late to change it.”

Shining looked into the tear-filled eyes of the frozen Changeling. “You think she’ll forgive me?”

Luna’s horn glowed, dispelling the illusion in the center of the Gazebo. “‘Tis a reason Honesty is one of the Elements of Harmony. We wouldst advise thee to take the lesson it teaches to heart; even if she does not, then thou shalt ken that thou didst all thou could. Thou shalt move on; lingering on loves and friends lost will only bring thee heartbreak.”

Shining nodded, looking at Luna. “You know, you’re actually really good at this.”

Princess Luna smiled, sitting down in one corner of the Gazebo. “We would hope so. ‘Twas our duty for nary two hundred years.” She paused. “We… We do miss it, somewhat. Perhaps we may yet return, circumstances willing and ponies forgiving.”

Sitting down next to her, Shining drew the Lunar Princess into a hug. She started slightly, before returning the hug, and looking out to the sky beyond the cliff face. The sky in question had begun to shift colours, from a starry, dark blue to a healthy red, the kind of colour one would see in an apple or a pony’s flushed cheeks.

The moment ended with Shining pulling away and rubbing the back of his head. “Uh… Sorry. Just.. thanks, you know? I didn’t really realize how bad this whole thing had messed me up, and you’re helping a lot.”

Luna glanced down at her hooves, looking sad, before brightening as she looked back at him. “Fear not, Captain. Thou hast been through enough already. But, what shalt be done by thee ‘pon the morn?”

“First thing tomorrow…” He paused, stretching and feeling his back crack. “I’m going to -errrk- go and apologize to Chrysalis, and then -ah!- go to Celestia, to politely decline the position. It was a nice idea, but Cadance isn’t going to get to me any-more.” He began looking around again. “So… Is there a door marked ‘exit’, or…?”

Smiling, Luna shook her head. “Nay. Hast thou ever felt thyself leaving a dream?”

“No, what do you-”