Self-hatred and Redemption
A lone changeling flew through the skies of the badlands. His breathing raced with the beat of his wings. As his mono-colored blue eyes scanned the entire horizon of the cragged landscape, a brown, rocky hill came into view. The changeling smiled widely. As he slowed his descent towards the ground, he brought his strangely hole-free legs down into a bent position. He looked away from the crater-filled hill with fear etched onto his face. He stretched out his body and gagged until a green, gooey substance poured out from his throat. The material piled on top of each other until it formed into a small tower. The changeling looked around quickly and then flew off into the horizon. As this happened, two more changelings came from the hill through their holes and landed near the pile of goop. Both changelings looked at each other happily.
“Well, it seems as if we have more food for the hive. It must’ve been his work then.” One of the changelings remarked.
“I’m sure glad that Nectus works overtime to provide needed food for the changeling hive. Sometimes, I wish that he would just stick around long enough to say hi.” The other changeling remarked.
“Whatever, let’s bring this into the hive already.” The first changeling responded. The other changeling nodded and grabbed a hearty portion of the goop and flew into the hive. The changeling’s partner brought the remaining goop into the hive through a different tunnel.
_________________________________________________________________________________________
A tall, hole-filled changeling with aqua-colored eyes and green irises stood on a tall platform within a moist connection of tunnels. Unlike the other changelings in the hive, she had a dark green mane. She smiled as she saw a large number of changelings fly in and out of the tunnels, happily going about their business. The look in her eyes doubled in happiness when she saw that two changelings came through the tunnels as they carried large quantities of food. The two changelings flew towards her and clustered the goop together.
“Greetings Queen Chrysalis.” The changeling on the left said. The two changelings proceeded to bow towards Chrysalis.
“Proboscis, Anthrax, stand up before your queen.” Both changelings stood up quickly at the sound of their names. “My, it seems that the both of you have worked very hard recently. I honestly have no idea where the both of you gather so much food!” Chrysalis happily stated. Proboscis looked at Anthrax questioningly before he faced Chrysalis.
“Ummmmm, we didn’t gather this food.” Anthrax said. “We found it outside the hive prepared.” Chrysalis leaned over to the goop and whiffed it.
“Impossible! This goop is made with our hive’s signature chemical mixture. No other changeling hives can make goop like this. I ask again: who made this food?” Chrysalis demanded. Proboscis smiled.
“Well, it could be Nectus. Didn’t he leave the hive a few months ago? Ever since he left, we kept finding piles like this outside every day.” He stated. Chrysalis pondered on the name before an epiphany came over her.
“Nectus is a name I am very familiar with. If it is true that he had been gathering all this food and leaving anonymously, then perhaps I should look for him. No good changeling of this hive goes unrewarded for their acts.” Chrysalis stated.
“Ummmm, your highness. Do you even know where Nectus is?” Proboscis asked. Chrysalis leaned in towards Proboscis’s face and smiled keenly.
“You must forget that every changeling that is born into this hive has to meld their signature into my own. You can say that I have some special radar for finding changelings of this hive. Now, it shouldn’t be too hard to track down a rogue changeling, now would it?” Proboscis shook his head. “Good. Normally, questioning your queen would give you more work without extra rations. However, since I am in a good mood, I’m letting you off the hook.” Proboscis sighed a breath of relief. “Now then, if you need me, I’ll be going alone on this mission to round him up, understood?” Chrysalis said. Probosis and Anthrax both saluted her. “Excellent. Now, continue what you were doing before.” Chrysalis’s hole-filled wing beat rapidly as she took towards the air. She flew into one of the many holes within the background and left the two changelings alone.
“So Proboscis, why did Nectus leave the hive anyways?” Anthrax curiously asked.
“Well, I’m not too sure of the details Anthrax. What I do know was that he got freaked out over everything in this hive. Maybe he could’ve found a better hive to stay in?” Proboscis replied. Anthrax shrugged.
“I doubt it. Any other hive that picks up his scent would have him killed on spot.” He stated. The two changelings flew from the observatory platform and continued looking for food.
________________________________________________________________________________________
Chrysalis flew into the air as she keenly looked around the badlands underneath her. She detected a thickness in flora the more she continued down the way. Soon, she made it to the point where the badlands ended and the Everfree Forest began. Her horn radiated a warm green color. She sighed.
“If you truly are in the Everfree Nectus, then you have to either be an incredibly brave changeling for staying here or an incredibly stupid changeling for not realizing just how dangerous this place is.” Chrysalis muttered to herself. She descended towards the ground in front of the mouth of the Everfree Forest. As she walked inside, the thickness of the canopy increased and she was left with less light. She closed her eyes and opened them again. They were glowing with the same green color as her horn. As she walked deeper into the forest, a wild cockatrice appeared out of nowhere. The beast had the tail of a snake and the body of a rooster. It hissed at her. “I ask that you get out of my way cretin. You do not scare me.” Chrysalis threateningly demanded. The cockatrice hissed and stared directly into her eyes. Chrysalis’s hooves started to turn into stone from the bottom and slowly crept up her body. She laughed. “If you think that trick would work on me, then you are horribly mistaken.” She called out. Her hole-ridden horn flashed a virulent green color before she shot a laser towards the cockatrice’s head. The cockatrice jumped away in time to avoid the beam, but its concentration was broken. Chrysalis’s legs returned back to their fleshy selves. The cockatrice fled into the forest.
Chrysalis walked deeper into the forest, weary of her surroundings. She knew too well about the dangers of the Everfree Forest. However, the dangers only motivated her further to look for the changeling. As she descended into the forest’s depths, her eyes picked up a rock formation with a deep hole within it. Her horn also flashed an intense pulse. She smiled as she walked into the cave formation.
____________________________________________________________________________________________
Nectus was exhausted from the day of gathering food. He looked down onto his legs and put his mouth on an out of place seam on each of them. He peeled away the seam, which revealed legs riddled in holes. He became nauseous at the sight.
“Awwww, disgusting! I always hate doing this, but I have to take good care of my legs if I want to still be useful.” He stated towards himself. He dipped his legs within the cave’s water and washed away the sticky filth off of his legs. As he did this, he heard a voice echo throughout the cave.
“Nectus, where are you?” Nectus jumped in reaction to the voice and faced where the voice came from.
“Who wants to know?” He shouted.
“Your queen, Chrysalis.” The voice replied. Nectus sweat at the name the voice replied with.
“W-why do you want to look for me?” He shouted.
“I wish to congratulate you for your anonymous work for the hive. I also have a few questions to ask you.” Chrysalis gently said. Nectus frowned in defeat. He closed his blue eyes as Chrysalis found him deep within the caves. “Nectus, are you alright?” She asked.
“I’m… doing well. How is my queen doing on this day?” Nectus asked hesitantly.
“I know it is awfully dark in this cave Nectus, but we changelings can see each other. Please, open your eyes and see your queen.” Chrysalis coaxed.
“I… I can’t! I’m sorry, but I don’t want to!” Nectus shouted as he shook his head. His eyelids started to water.
“Can you please tell me why you don’t want to? I find it very vexing that one of my changelings refused a request by me.” Chrysalis stated with a stare.
“I’m… afraid of clustered holes.” Nectus slowly stated. “I said it! I can’t look at you because you are filled with holes! Holes being together are the worst things to look at! My heart beats irregularly when I look at them! Please don’t be angry at me!” Nectus cried out. Chrysalis’s eyes opened up in realization.
“You mean the reason you worked irregular hours for a changeling and wish to remain anonymous is… because you have Trypophobia?” Chrysalis asked. Nectus slowly, but hesitantly nodded. She looked towards her body and had an epiphany of her form: it was offensive towards Nectus. Her body wreathed in green fire. “Nectus… please open your eyes now. I’ve changed my form so that you won’t have to look at my holes.” Nectus opened his eyes slowly to the form of a pink alicorn in front of him.
“Queen, why did you change your form to the princess of love?” He asked.
“I’ve learned to appreciate this form.” Chrysalis stated. She approached Nectus and caressed his head with her hoof. “Now Nectus, I would like to know when you developed this fear of clustered holes.” She asked gently.
“I’ve always had this fear of clustered holes ever since I was a larva. I could never look at them in any way. I freak out whenever I saw other changelings, even my own parents. You don’t know how much of a living hell it was for me to not be able to see the ones I love without feeling disgust for them. I don’t even feel comfortable in my own body. It has way more holes than most other changelings have! Why am I cursed with this horrible torture?!” Nectus shouted in tears. Chrysalis rocked him gently and hushed him.
“I just need to know one more thing: do you hate yourself?” She asked. Nectus gulped deeply.
“I… I…” He hesitated a bit before he answered. “I kind of do… hate myself. I mean, I’m the embodiment of my own worst phobia! I always have to look at myself and feel disgusted for being a changeling. It’s gotten to the point where I attempted to take my own life on seven different occasions over the span of a month. Unfortunately, they all ended in miserable failures. So, I live this deep in the Everfree Forest so that I won’t be able to look at myself and increase my chances of dying.” Nectus said quietly. His sobbing became irrational. “Why am I so different from the other changelings?!” Chrysalis’s caressing turned into an embrace after she heard his story.
“You don’t need to hate yourself Nectus. You are a beautiful changeling. Ever since you became of age, you have the freedom to choose whether you wish to stay in the hive or leave for your own personal goals. I don’t have anything against the changelings that leave the hive. However, you were a special case. You chose to leave the hive, yet you stay with the hive at the same time.”
“I would feel guilty if my choice robbed the hive of work because of my own fear. It’s why I gather love from Ponyville and bring it to the hive. I don’t want to be hated by other changelings.”
“Nectus, listen to me. All those holes all over your body show a changeling’s potential. You have many holes, so your potential is amazing among changelings. You can hate yourself as much as you want, but you’ll be hating yourself for what makes you a beautiful changeling in my eyes.” Chrysalis sweetly said.
“You really mean that queen Chrysalis? I’m… beautiful for all of these holes?” Nectus questioned hopefully.
“Would I ever lie to one of my own changelings? I keep track of every changeling born in the hive, and they are all beautiful for me. Seeing all the bright and smiling faces of my kingdom makes your queen very happy and willing to do anything for them. It was why I planned the invasion in the first place. However, I didn’t let those who did not want to be a part of the invasion be a part of them. If I am not cruel enough to force my changelings to fight the invasion against their own will, then why would I be cruel enough to lie to you?” Chrysalis invoked. A green flame enveloped her body once more. This time, it reverted back towards her true form. Nectus did not resist. He nuzzled Chrysalis in happiness. After a few seconds, Nectus stepped back and acknowledged the presence of his queen.
“Even if I have a fatal flaw as a changeling, you would still want me?” Nectus questioned.
“You are always welcome to the hive Nectus. No physical or mental defects can change my unconditional love for any changeling. I care if my acts as the queen make every changeling happy.” Chrysalis stated. Nectus smiled.
“Thank you for your words queen. Even if I reject the changelings, you would always accept me.” Nectus stated. Chrysalis smiled keenly and opened her forelegs for a hug.
“Nectus. Come to my hooves. You must be exhausted.” Chrysalis somberly stated. These words caused Nectus’s eyes to water with tears. He looked at the hole-ridden legs of Chrysalis. He shrugged off his phobia and jumped into her hooves. He dug his face into Chrysalis’s chest and cried loudly. Chrysalis hugged Nectus by his body and caressed his head as she rocked gently.
___________________________________________________________________________________________
one month later
Nectus happily wandered through the tunnels of the hive. He waved towards each changeling that he saw. Wherever he waved, the changelings greeted him back. He went onto a path where a cluster of holes existed. He shook off the sensation of mites crawling on his body and went into the middle home. Inside, there was furniture made from the byproducts of refined food, which were all a bright yellow color. He went back to his desk and pulled out a sheet of byproduct. He took out a honey pen and began writing.
Dear Queen Chrysalis
I am happy to be back at this hive. It’s true that I still have my Trypophobia. It used to be so unbearable. However, ever since you talked to me one month ago, I realized just how loved I am. With this love, I can fend off my phobia of clustered holes and still do what I love to do. I thank you for helping me realize just how beautiful these holes are. If it weren’t for you, I would have probably died by now. Even to this day, I still owe you my life. The love that allows me to remain is sweeter than any food we have in this hive.
With love,
Nectus
P.S. I think that I’m ready to devote a part of my life towards another changeling. I feel that I am capable of being intimate without feeling disgusted.
Queen Chrysalis looked at the letter and smiled.
“It seems as if Nectus has learned a very important lesson about others and is ready to move on.” She sighed as she faced a mural behind her with pictures of various changelings. At the bottom, it states ‘Though their lives have been taken, we must never forget them.’ “If only more changelings with Trypophobia had learned this sooner, then they wouldn’t have met with the common fate of taking their own lives.” She stated with a few tears flowing through her eyes. She solemnly looked at the mural.
Author's Note
This idea came from a thread I created in the Writer's Group. What if changelings did have Trypophobia? Also, this story is for all the people with Trypophobia out there. You have my sympathy for not being able to enjoy Honey Comb cereal and English Muffins just because you have to look at all the clustered holes in them. Just remember that despite what situations befall you, we still don't think differently about you.
