In Which Pinkie is Criminally Incapable of Taking a Hint
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The Best Anniversary Ever
In Which Pinkie is Criminally Incapable of Taking a Hint
Carrot Cake placed the last cookie inside the brown paper bag and tied off the top. “And here you go.”
“Thank you, Mr. Cake,” said Cheerilee, counting out a few coins. She dropped them on the counter and grabbed her bag. “See you in a week.”
Carrot smiled. “See you. Have a nice day.” He watched as she left, and as the door closed, felt a jolt of excitement. It was finally late enough in the afternoon to close the shop.
From the side, he heard the telltale steps of somepony walking down the stairs. He looked up to find his wife coming down from the second floor with a tired smile. “I finally got the kids to sleep,” she said.
“And I’ve just finished helping our last customer of the day,” said Carrot, opening the drawer where they kept their proceeds. He arranged the coins in their proper denominations, making a show of being busy.
Cupcake Cake (who went by the less redundant name of ‘Cup’ to most) gave him a surprised look. “Done already? But it’s only three ‘o-clock.”
“True, but it’s a Sunday. You know those are always slow.” Carrot began counting the receipts from the day’s sales.
“I guess.” Cupcake walked past the counter and headed up to the window. She flipped over the CLOSED sign.
“Do you know where Pinkie Pie is this afternoon?” asked Carrot, trying to sound mildly curious.
“Oh, I think she’s off at one of her friends’ places… she mentioned something about a surprise party she was throwing, then went all tight-lipped.” Cupcake shrugged. As she pulled the blinds down over the windows, Carrot placed the receipts back in the drawer.
“I meant to tell you earlier, the Belles were wondering if we could come over for dinner next Thursday,” said Cupcake, pulling down the next set of blinds.
“We can make that, I think,” said Carrot, setting his hat down on the counter and undoing his apron. He placed it beside his hat, and then snuck out from behind the counter toward his wife.
“I’ll let them know,” she said absently, busying herself with the last set of blinds. “And then Saturday, we’re hosting that party for Applebloom’s birthday—oh!” she turned around to see that Carrot had sidled up next to her.
He grinned and rubbed his nose against hers. “Don’t forget what we’re doing today.”
“Our tenth anniversary! You remembered.” Cupcake smiled. “I was worried that you might have forgotten after that horrible vine invasion last week.”
Carrot shook his head, smiling. “Never. I’ve got a special dinner all planned for later. Lemon meringue pie, just the way you like it.” He rubbed her shoulders with his hooves.
“You’re the best, honey bun,” she said, planting a kiss on his nose. Carrot kissed her back, on the lips, but his was quite a bit longer. Cupcake, with raised eyebrows, pulled away. “Oh, my.”
“Let’s just say I didn’t close the shop just because it’s Sunday afternoon,” said Carrot, his grin turning wicked. He began rubbing his hooves lower and lower down her back until he reached her flanks.
“Mm.” Cupcake smiled with feigned sleepiness and lifted her tail. She gave it a sensuous flick in his direction. “Whatever could you mean?”
Carrot moved up to kiss the nape of her neck, then showered more kisses down the length of her back. He returned his hooves to rub along her cutie marks as he sat down behind her. He grinned. His wife had lost a little weight since they’d had the twins, but she was still delightfully zaftig. He squeezed her rear cheeks together, hearing the telltale squish sound that told him she was already growing aroused.
Cupcake’s tail swished out of the way, and Carrot took in the sight of his wife’s marehood. Between her legs waited a thin slit of pink mostly covered by two full, round, blue lips, now wet with anticipation.
He didn’t charge right for the finish line, though. Using ten years’ worth of knowledge about her every weak point, Carrot began with her inner thighs, raining another series of kisses along the arc of her legs. Cupcake gave a soft murmur as he reached the top, pressing his lips against hers, but he continued down the other side.
When he reached her opposite leg, he stuck out his tongue and slowly ran it in circles right over one of her sensitive spots. Cupcake moaned appreciatively. “Ooh… Carrot, honey, that’s…”
He ran his tongue up her leg back to her marehood. Curling his tongue to a point, he placed it at the bottom of her slit and slowly drew it up to the top, eliciting another low moan. Carrot began drawing an oval around her nether lips with his tongue, enjoying her growing arousal.
“Mmm, Carrot…” Cupcake pulled forward, away from his tongue. “I think we should take this upstairs.”
“I may not make it that far,” he warned coyly.
Cupcake gave a slow, seductive blink, and smiled. “Well, let’s try, at least.”
She took off her apron and hung it up by the door. Then, with a shake of her rump, she sauntered back toward the stairs. As she walked, she waved her hips with her tail held high, giving him a good view of her backside and the glistening treasure between her legs. Carrot followed with a private smile.
They made it as far as the stairs before Carrot decided he could wait no longer. He grabbed Cupcake’s cheeks from behind and gave her wet lips a giant lap with his tongue.
Cupcake’s knees buckled, and she spun around to sit heavily on the bottom step. She giggled like a teenage mare, like she always did when they made love. “I see you weren’t kidding.” She put her forelegs behind her on the next step to hold herself up, and spread her hind legs.
Carrot half-shrugged in apology. “Sorry, honey. You’re irresistible.” He pushed his hooves down on either side of her slit, and spread it wide. Her pink center was damp and warm, and she shuddered as he breathed onto it. Carrot leaned down and lapped the bottom of her marehood with his tongue.
“You’re such a tease, Carrot,” she said, sounding short of breath. “Quit torturing me.”
Carrot gave a sheepish grin and moved his head up a fraction. Closing his eyes, he let his tongue find her entrance with the skill of long practice. Cupcake gasped as he slid his tongue inside her, rolling it around in her warm, wet depths. She put a hoof on his head, pushing him gently further.
He felt a rush as he buried his head between her legs. Carrot always loved the taste of his wife, soaking wet and needy for his attention: slightly salty, slightly sweet; like one of her perfect confectionaries. He began to probe deeper, feeling the ridges of her inner walls with his tongue. Cupcake was moaning softly with each stroke, the powerful smell of her arousal working on his nostrils like an intoxicating perfume.
“Ah—Carrot, that’s so good, I—oh, I, ohhh…” Cupcake’s voice was breathless and filled with desire.
Carrot abruptly slid his tongue out, curling it again, this time around the little love nub above Cupcake’s slit. She briefly stiffened and said, “Oh!” before relaxing again. She set her hoof back behind her and let her head fall back. Carrot teased her most sensitive spot with his tongue, bringing the tip of his right hoof up to slide across her entrance.
Drops of her arousal were beginning to drip onto the bottom stair as her hips ground against his face. Carrot knew that meant she was getting close. He laid his tongue flat against her hot button and began to repeatedly push against it. Cupcake’s moans grew more intense as she neared her climax.
Suddenly, there was a knock on the front door. Carrot paused for a moment, but then continued giving his attention to his wife’s marehood. She was panting with need, grinding her pelvis against his tongue.
The knock came again, insistently. Cupcake gently pushed Carrot’s head back. “Dear…”
“Just ignore it, honey bun.” Carrot pushed back against her, sucking on her nub.
Cupcake gave a pleasure-soaked gasp. “But honey, this is—ah!—this is going to be—oh!—sort of loud…”
Reluctantly, Carrot pulled his head away. The knocking had now become an incessant banging on the door. The two Cakes stood, taking a moment to compose themselves. It wouldn’t do to answer the door this flustered.
Using a trick he’d learned as a teenager, Carrot went into the kitchen and stuck his hooves under a tap of freezing water. It only took a few moments for his arousal to vanish with an icy shiver. He splashed himself in the face a few times for good measure. His wife was in a much worse state, but at least she could hide it with her tail.
Carrot walked up to the door, ready to tell off whoever was too oblivious to read the sign. He pulled it open. “What is it—”
“SURPRISE!” came a shout from the crowd of nearly three dozen ponies standing outside. They all charged forward, bursting into the house. Carrot leaped out of the way, shocked.
Cupcake drew up beside him, her face still flushed. “What on earth—”
A familiar pink pony emerged from the crowd as the mass of ponies flooded into the bakery. “Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Cake!”
Carrot’s eye twitched. “Pinkie! What the—care to explain this?”
Pinkie beamed. “It’s a party!”
“I can see that!” shouted Carrot above the din, as several ponies raced upstairs. “For what?”
“Your anniversary, silly!” Pinkie’s smile grew. “I’ve been planning it for two whole weeks.”
“Why—” Carrot paused and took a deep breath, “Why are you throwing us an anniversary party?”
Pinkie giggled. “What, did you think I’d forget the anniversary of the best two ponies in Ponyville? Not that my friends aren't great too, I mean, it’s just that you two make all the best sweets and you're so nice all the time. Oh, and you let me live here and be your apprentice! What better way is there to say ‘thank you’ than to have a big party?”
“I can think of a few…” muttered Carrot.
Cupcake rubbed her temples with a hoof. “We appreciate the thought, dear, but why didn’t you tell us?”
Pinkie rolled her eyes. “Because it’s a surprise party.” She waved an airy hoof. “You wouldn’t believe how hard it was to keep it a secret. I mean, you’re usually the ones hosting the surprise parties! I had to hide all the stuff in my room,” she said, pointing at the stairs. Carrot and Cupcake turned to see the ponies coming back down, hoisting tables, food, and bowls of punch with them.
As the ponies began setting up the furniture and laying out the refreshments, Carrot began to feel a headache coming on. “Pinkie, we’re grateful you want to make our anniversary special, but you really shouldn’t have gone to all the trouble…”
“Oh, it’s no problem at all, Mr. Cake!” Pinkie bounced. “I love throwing parties.”
“Yes, dear, we know.” Cupcake gave a sigh.
Carrot looked around the bakery with dismay. “It looks like you’ve invited half of Ponyville.”
“No, it’s more like a fourth. Half of Ponyville wouldn’t fit in the bakery. Believe me, I’ve tried.”
The Cakes traded pained expressions. “Look, Pinkie,” said Carrot, wondering how to get out of this without hurting her feelings, “thank you for the party, but Mrs. Cake and I were hoping to have a quiet afternoon…”
Pinkie’s eyes widened. “Ohhhhh. A siesta, not a fiesta?”
“Exactly,” said Cupcake, with a strained smile.
“So we were… thinking of having a picnic!” said Carrot, suddenly seized by the idea.
“A picnic? Ooh! That sounds fun.” Pinkie bobbed. “Well… if you want to go do that, I can handle things here for you, don’t worry! Want me to help you pack a lunch?”
“No, no, it’s fine,” said Carrot a little too quickly, holding up a forestalling hoof, “we’ve got it.”
The Cakes pushed their way through the party, which was now getting into high gear, and made it into the kitchen. Carrot grabbed a basket from one of the cupboards, and Cupcake threw in a checkered blanket and a loaf of bread. “Let’s go,” whispered Cupcake, “before she decides she wants to come with us.”
The two of them fought through the throng of partygoers again, finally reaching the exit. Pinkie was standing by the door. “Goodbye, Mr. and Mrs. Cake! Have fun!”
“Bye, Pinkie,” said Carrot, rushing out of the door with the basket handle held in his mouth. Cupcake followed him out.
Pinkie’s voice filled with alarm. “Hey, wait, I forgot to—”
Cupcake shut the door behind her, cutting Pinkie off rather unceremoniously. She rolled her eyes. “Let’s hoof it.”
As the two headed for the road that led toward the farm on the outskirts of town, Cupcake kissed Carrot on the cheek. “Good idea, honey.”
He shook his head, bemused. “She’s awfully sweet. I just wish she’d tamper that enthusiasm a bit.”
* * *
Cupcake looked over her shoulder. The road had vanished behind the trees, as the Cakes forged off into the forest. They were about halfway between town and Sweet Apple Acres, as isolated a place as one could find on short notice.
Ahead of her, Carrot came to a stop. He turned around and smiled. “I think this’ll do.”
She walked out after him into a cozy little meadow. Purple flowers poked up all around them. There was a wide gap in the trees ahead that stretched all the way down to the lake. The golden afternoon sunlight played on the water like glittering coins. Cupcake sighed happily. “It’s beautiful, Carrot.”
Her husband pulled the blanket out of the basket and began to unfold it. She helped him set it up, sneaking glances at his backside. She was very eager to return to their earlier endeavors, but she decided to draw it out a little longer.
“Want some sandwiches?” She pulled the loaf of bread out and untied the bag.
“Sure,” said Carrot, pulling up some grass and a few flowers.
Cupcake took the vegetation and pressed it between two pairs of bread slices. She gave Carrot his sandwich with a flirty smile. “Enjoy.” They sat next to each other, looking out at the lake.
“All alone at last,” he said, taking a slow bite. “Mmm. Those flowers add a lot of flavor.”
Setting her sandwich aside untouched, Cupcake leaned to the side and ran a hoof down Carrot’s chest. “I had a different flavor in mind,” she whispered.
Carrot grinned. “Do tell.”
“Lie down and close your eyes,” she said, pushing against his chest. Carrot lay backward, resting on his back with his forelegs crossed behind his head. He closed his eyes, a faint smile still on his lips.
Cupcake turned her attention southward. She placed her hooves between his thighs and spread his legs out. She could just see the tip of his stallionhood peeking out of its sheath. A rush of heat flowed to her own loins, as her interrupted excitement came flooding back. Cupcake tickled Carrot’s hind right hoof, knowing how sensitive he was there.
Sure enough, his leg twitched. Carrot gave an involuntary laugh. “Now who’s teasing?”
“Just wait,” said Cupcake, leaning down over his crotch. She inhaled, then slowly blew out her warm breath over his member.
It jerked, poking out further from his sheath. She smiled as Carrot’s familiar brown-and-yellow marbled stallionhood hardened. He gave a contented sigh as she blew on it again. Cupcake raised an eyebrow. “I haven’t even touched you yet.”
Carrot smiled, his eyes still closed. “Just the thought of you down there’s enough, honey.”
Flushed with embarrassed happiness, she planted a kiss on his stiffening member. It twitched a little again, and a tiny white bead appeared at the tip. Cupcake leaned over him and slowly let her tongue wipe the little dot of precum from his tip. Carrot squirmed under the attention, his smile disappearing with a small “Ah…”
Cupcake ran her tongue down his entire length. Feeling a sudden, naughty urge, she began licking the base of his stallionhood. She waited until his hips made an involuntary lifting motion, and then went even lower. She licked his family jewels, drawing a surprised groan. “Playing dirty, huh?”
Slyly, she opened her mouth and took one of his orbs into it. She sucked gently on him, and Carrot gave a louder groan. Cupcake reached up with her hooves and pulled his stallionhood up to stand erect. She began slowly rubbing her hooves along his shaft, feeling the velvety skin slide under them.
She closed her eyes and inhaled. He smelled good, washed and clean, but with the faint, unmistakable musk of pure, one-hundred-percent stallion. Cupcake began to rub slightly faster as she fondled him in her mouth.
Carrot’s chest was rising and falling shakily now, and his scent grew stronger as his arousal grew. He was giving little groans with every rub, wriggling under her touch. She felt hot with pride that she could still turn him on this much after ten years and two kids.
As her hindquarters brushed the blanket, Cupcake became belatedly aware of the other heat, between herlegs. A change in position was required.
Releasing her husband’s stones, Cupcake lifted her mouth back to his shaft. She tilted her head sideways and wrapped her lips around his member, rolling her tongue around the other side. Taking a hoof away from her husband’s stallionhood, she sent it diving down into her marehood, humming as she felt it move through her slit. With one hoof holding Carrot’s stallionhood aloft, she began lifting her head, her mouth and tongue still making a ring around his shaft.
Carrot’s forelegs were no longer folded behind his head, but he didn’t seem to know what to do with them. They twitched with pleasure as she glided up and down on his stallionhood, covering the entire length with saliva. She rubbed her own privates with her hoof, moaning as waves of hot ecstasy radiated through her.
“Mmm… honey,” said Carrot, his voice strained with effort, “bring that beautiful blue butt over this way.”
Pulling her mouth away for a moment, she giggled. “Really? ‘Beautiful blue butt?’”
“The most blue and beautiful in the whole wide world,” he affirmed, mock-serious, as she straddled his face. His hooves finally found something to do, reaching up and kneading her flanks.
Cupcake returned her attention to his saliva-coated stallionhood, rubbing it with both hooves as she ran her tongue up to the tip. She gasped as she felt his own tongue entering her, warm and slippery inside her tunnel. “You really are amazing at that, Carrot.”
He mumbled something that sounded like “I know,” and pressed her down harder onto his face. Cupcake’s eyes crossed as his tongue stroked her insides, an overpowering heat emanating from her loins throughout her body.
Eager to return the feeling, she pulled the tip of his member toward her, and took it into her mouth. She continued rubbing it on both sides with her hooves, running her tongue along the flat head inside her mouth. Beneath her, Carrot groaned, and redoubled his efforts to drive her wild with pleasure.
“That’s it,” she said, pulling abruptly off of him. Carrot blinked in surprise. Cupcake turned around, standing over him. “I can’t wait any longer. I need more than your tongue in there, Carrot.”
He grinned. “As you command, Mrs. Cake.”
Carrot helped guide her onto his tip, and Cupcake shivered as she finally pushed down to take him inside her. His familiar firmness felt so right in there, between her soft walls. The fire that had been building inside her burned hotter as she slid down, taking the upper half of his member into her marehood. His stallionhood’s skin was silky smooth, but his shaft was hard as a rock; an exquisite contrast to her own boiling, dripping need. Stopping as she reached the little medial ring around his shaft, Cupcake squeezed around him, and both of them gave a groan of satisfaction.
Carrot started to thrust upward, but Cupcake put a firm hoof on his chest. “Ah, ah, ah, I’m driving.” He nodded, unable to speak, his mouth hanging open as she squeezed him again. Cupcake loved seeing him like this, melting in her hooves and so desperate for more that he couldn’t even vocalize it.
She began riding the upper part of his member, pulling it in and out, growing more and more aroused with every schlick as their skin and her dripping juices rubbed together. Droplets of the clear liquid were beginning to run down his stallionhood, mingling with the saliva she’d given him earlier.
Carrot was having a difficult time keeping his eyes open. He kept rolling his head back in bliss, before struggling valiantly to keep eye contact. Cupcake saw that spark of passion in his eyes whenever they met hers, each time sending a new thrill through her. She clenched tightly whenever she withdrew, pulling his member with her, then opened wide to slide back down.
At last, she could restrain herself no longer. She pulled up one final time, and then with a moan of delight, plunged down. Carrot’s hard shaft speared its way up into her molten core as she hilted him inside her.
“Oh, Cupcake—that’s so good. Goddess…” Carrot placed his hooves on her flanks and stared up at her with absolute adoration. “Are you going to do that thing where—”
“You bet I am,” she said, leaning down and kissing him deeply. Their tongues met for a moment, but it didn’t last long. Carrot broke away, gasping, as Cupcake started to move.
She began slowly gyrating her hips, still holding his entire length inside her. Carrot gave the loudest groan yet, and squeezed her butt. Cupcake continued in a counter-clockwise circle, rocking gently around on his erection like a pole. She purred in satisfaction as she felt him rotating back and forth inside her.
Once she’d gotten the rhythm down, Cupcake began riding him up and down again, while circling her hips. She planted her hooves on either side of his chest, concentrating on the combination of thrusts and gyrations. The slick, wet slaps of their bodies rubbing against and colliding with each other filled the air as the speed increased.
“Oh, Carrot,” she moaned, the heat in her body threatening to overwhelm her. “I don’t know how much longer I can last.”
“Just a little longer,” he said, panting with desire. His hooves kneaded the erogenous spots on her flanks, driving her to ever-greater heights of arousal.
Cupcake could no longer concentrate, and slammed back down as far as she could go. She jerked her hips around wildly, sending a hoof to her hot button to stroke it frantically. “I’m so close, Carrot.”
He bucked against her hips, squeezing her butt with every thrust. “Me too—just—hold on—”
Cupcake’s tongue lolled out as she lost all control in a frenzy of need. “Finish inside me, Carrot.” Her hoof furiously tweaked her clit, bringing her climax closer with every circle. Carrot’s thick rod inside her rubbed against her walls in all the right ways, so hot and wet and crazy that she thought she was going to melt right there. “I want to feel it.”
Carrot bucked faster, his balls slapping against her butt as he thrusted. “Almost there, honey—”
Just then, a very familiar voice rang out through the trees. “Surprise!”
Carrot and Cupcake froze. Carrot’s face was filled with as much panic as Cupcake felt, both of them swerving their heads to the right to see a gigantic, triple-decker cake wheeling itself out of the woods on a cart.
Cupcake slid off of her husband, feeling an ache of despairing need as he slipped out of her marehood, drawing a trail of her liquid arousal with him. But there was no time to finish; that enormous cake and Pinkie’s voice were drawing closer as the bizarre cart rolled across the glade.
Cupcake swiftly pressed the edge of the blanket between her legs, soaking up the evidence of their lovemaking. On the other side of the blanket, Carrot reacted just as quickly, grabbing the picnic basket and slamming it down in front of his crotch to conceal his incredibly stiff member.
Both of them watched, seething with frustration, as the cake finally rolled to a stop before them. Pinkie’s head emerged from behind it. “Hiya, you two!” She paused. “Wow, you guys look hot. Good thing I brought my sun umbrella, huh?” She reached behind the cake and removed a large pole with cloth all over it, and then tossed it to Cupcake, who caught it automatically.
She dropped it and crossed her forelegs. “Pinkie,” she said in a strangled voice, “How did you find us?”
“Well everypony picnics here, Mrs. Cake!” Pinkie said, like she was explaining something obvious. “You’ve got this nice, private meadow, a great view of the lake, and you’re pretty far from the road. It was a lot of work getting this cake through those trees, but I managed!”
A muscle was working in Carrot’s jaw. “Pinkie, why are you—”
“To give you two your gifts! You ran out of the bakery before I could at the party. I’ve spent the last hour wheeling them down the road in this big cart.” Pinkie struck a pose, presenting the gargantuan cake. “Ta-da! The best pumpkin-pineapple-strawberry-kiwi cake me and Applejack could bake!” Pinkie lifted a hoof in pride. “It took us three tries to get it right!”
“Anniversary gifts.” Cupcake let out a distraught sigh, trying to ignore the throbbing dampness between her legs. Fortunately, it seemed Pinkie had her heads in the clouds, as usual, and hadn’t noticed anything yet.
“Yep! The best cake we’ve ever made, ju-j-jus-j—” Pinkie appeared to have some difficulty, “just for you! All for you two. Nooooopony else.” She gave a strained smile.
Cupcake lifted an eyebrow and said, “You can have some if you like, Pinkie.”
“Oh gosh, really?” Pinkie’s smile threatened to fly off her face. “I told you guys you were the nicest ponies in Ponyville.” She pulled a giant cake knife out from behind the cake and immediately started carving out a slice from the bottom tier. She gobbled it down in astonishingly short order while the Cakes did their best not to glare at her.
“Oh,” she said, wiping her lips, “Before I forget, here’s the rest of them!” She dug around in the cart behind the cake again. “Some adorable little animal shaped cookie cutters from Fluttershy, real Cloudsdale Rainbow Spice from Rainbow Dash, two all-day vouchers for the spa from Rarity—”
Cupcake leaped to her hooves and grabbed the two slips of paper from Pinkie. “Thank you, Pinkie. Actually, I think we’re going to go there right now.”
Carrot hopped up, strategically holding the basket to conceal himself. “Yes! That sounds like a great idea. Let’s go, honey bun.”
As the two fled the clearing, Pinkie shouted, “Wait! What about Twilight’s gift?”
“We’ll pick it up tomorrow!” yelled Cupcake over her shoulder. “Just—just stay here and enjoy that cake as long as you like!”
“Okie-dokie!” called Pinkie, vanishing behind them.
“That ought to keep her busy for at least an hour,” said Cupcake, her voice thick with sexual frustration.
“I wouldn’t bet on it,” said Carrot, gloomily. “But maybe we can get away from her at the spa. It’s pretty expensive, I doubt she’ll be willing to spend the money on a short term appointment.”
“If she isn’t throwing a party there, too,” muttered Cupcake.
* * *
Carrot and his wife arrived at the spa nearly half an hour later, dusty and tired. With a quick look around to make sure Pinkie hadn’t followed them, they pushed inside, ringing a little bell above the door.
Inside, a blue earth pony was asleep at the welcome desk, her head lying on her forelegs. She was snoring softly.
Carrot noticed a little bell sitting on the desk, and rang it. The blue pony’s eyes shot open, and she sat up. “Oh! I’m sorry, I must have dozed off—it’s been a slow weekend. You’re our first customers this afternoon.” She smiled. “I’m Lotus. Welcome to the Ponyville Spa.”
“Thanks,” said Cupcake, slapping the vouchers on the desk.
Lotus’s eyes lit up. “Oh, so you two are who Miss Rarity bought those for. Well, happy anniversary!”
“Thank you,” said Carrot, strained. “Which way to the sauna? We’ve had a long, long day, and were hoping for some relaxation.”
“You sure you want to hit the sauna?” Lotus raised an eyebrow. “You two look tense. I think you could use a massage.”
“We’ll get one before we leave,” said Carrot, tapping his hoof. “But first, sauna.”
Lotus shrugged. She leaned over her desk. “Aloe! Aloe!”
A pink pony, nearly identical to Lotus, came rushing out of a room down the hall. “Here I am, here I am.” She cantered up to them and bowed. “Where to?”
“Sauna,” said Carrot in a near-grunt.
“Follow me,” said Aloe, beckoning. She led the Cakes down the hall to a frosted glass door. Opening it, she motioned them inside. “I’ll be right back with some towels,” she said, closing the door behind them.
The sauna had wooden walls with a white tile floor. Benches stood on each wall, and at each corner there was a pull cord with a rock at the bottom for ballast. The room was dimly lit by glass bulb lanterns, so as not to let steam blow out the lights.
Aloe returned momentarily, bringing a pair of white towels. She handed one to each of the Cakes, explaining the room. “Those cords run to the bellows underneath the room. Pulling on any of them will send more steam up through the vents in the floor. I need to get back to cleaning the tubs out for the mud baths, but if you have any questions or you’d like a massage, please feel free to ask me or Lotus for help.” She bowed pleasantly again. “Enjoy the sauna.” The door swung closed behind her.
Carrot and Cupcake dumped their towels on one of the benches. Cupcake pulled on the cord farthest from the door, and with a hiss, the room began to fill with thick, steamy clouds. “Well, at least we can relax in here.”
Carrot grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her into a fiery kiss. Surprised at first, Cupcake blinked, but she returned it with gusto. Carrot felt their tongues intertwine, but her wet mouth only reminded him further of their unfinished business. He slid a hoof down below her, reaching for her marehood.
Cupcake let out a little gasp of surprise as he touched it, pushing the tip of his hoof between her lips. “Carrot, honey—I want to finish as badly as you do, but is this really the place? This is a pretty public area…”
“They said we’re the only customers they’ve had all day, remember? Everypony’s at the party back in Sugarcube Corner. Besides,” he said, pushing her shoulders to turn her around, “if I don’t get back in you right now I think I’m going to explode.”
“Ooh,” she said, batting her eyelashes, “I love it when you’re assertive.”
She turned around and planted her hooves on the bench. Her butt jutted back, and her tail lifted aside to reveal her marehood once more. The sight of it, already sweaty and wet in the heat of the sauna, was enough to make his stallionhood almost instantly hard again. Carrot grabbed her butt cheeks and started to rub.
“No,” said Cupcake, shaking her head. Her tongue hung out as she blew out a breath. “No more foreplay. We’re both way too hot and tired for that.” She ground back against him, her butt pressing his member against his stomach. She turned her head to look into his eyes. “Now put it in there, and fuck me already.”
Carrot felt another thrill of excitement. They didn’t talk dirty very often; only when they were both pushed way past a comfortable level of arousal. This definitely counted.
“All right,” he said, swiping his hoof along her slit to make sure she was wet enough. It came away dripping. “I hope you’re ready… because you’re going to cum so hard you won’t be able to walk straight for days.”
“Mmm,” she purred, grabbing the cord again and pulling it. Another blast of steam filled the room. The air was thick and hazy, and so hot that Carrot felt sweat coming out of every pore. He leaned over his wife’s back, slippery with her own sweat, and tried to steady himself on her slick sides.
He guided himself to her entrance—her pussy, he thought, licking his lips—and pressed his tip inside.
Cupcake was trembling with long-denied passion. She moaned as he entered her, grabbing the cord in her mouth. As he pushed forward, she pulled down again, and he heard another hiss. The sauna was getting nearly as hot and wet as the inside of his wife’s pussy, but it would always lack at least one quality. “By the Sisters,” he groaned, “you’re so tight, Cupcake.”
“Oh, Carrot,” she breathed, clenching around him. He thrust further in, his slippery, sweaty cock plunged deeper, rubbing past the bumps and ridges inside her incredibly wet pussy, and—Goddess, this is so hot. We should do this whole spa thing again, sometime.
“Cupcake,” he grunted, unable to say more, buried completely inside her. She wiggled around him, making him gasp as the sensations traveled up the length of his stallionhood, sending electric sparks zooming through every nerve in his body to explode in his brain.
“Come on, Carrot,” she said, her voice husky with lust. “Fuck me silly.”
He drew back and slammed forward again, causing Cupcake to croon with delight. Carrot threw delicacy to the wind, thrusting into her pussy again and again with carefree abandon.
Schlick… schlick… schlick…
Soon, they were rutting like wild animals, Cupcake gasping between every thrust, “Oh, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me…” Carrot leaned over her, pressing his chest to her sweaty back, feeling her slide around beneath him as he pounded into her pussy over and over.
“Oof, Cupcake,” he groaned, “it feels like your pussy’s on fire…”
“Come on,” she moaned, grabbing the cord once more. She yanked on it as he thrust into her, blasting more steam into the air. Now the air in the sauna was so thick that he could only see her silhouette. Cupcake squeezed her pussy around him like she was trying to milk it dry. “Stick that cock all the way up there, right to the gooey center.”
Hearing his normally soft-spoken wife talking this way drove Carrot into a frenzy of hip bucking. “Oh, Goddess, I’m getting close, Cupcake.”
“Cum in me, Carrot.” Cupcake was squeezing him every time he pulled back, the friction of her slippery pussy threatening to ignite his loins. “I want you to cum in me until you can’t cum any more. I want it oozing out of my pussy, great big gobs of hot, sticky cum…” she was cut off by a low moan that tore from her throat.
Carrot had no idea how he had managed to hold on this long, but he could sense that his resistance was running out. “Get ready for it, honey,” he groaned, “I’m so close—it’s so hot—so wet—so good—” He couldn’t even finish his sentences, the throbbing in his forehead and his balls was so intense. He felt Cupcake’s whole body tense around him, nearly at her own climax. They were going to cum together, he realized, with a satisfied grunt. The anticipation of filling her up with that hot, sticky cum she’d mentioned was nearly enough to send him over the edge right there.
The sauna door burst open. “Hellooooo Mr. and Mrs. Cake!” said Pinkie Pie’s voice, the source hidden behind the vast gouts of steam.
Carrot felt like crying. It wasn’t fair. He just wanted to have sex with his amazing wife for their anniversary, but this pink pest kept getting in the way. Was there no escape?
Cupcake immediately pulled off of him at the sound of Pinkie’s voice. Carrot’s stallionhood twitched at the sudden absence of her comforting pressure. “Pinkie!” rasped Cupcake, her voice still trembling with the force of her denied orgasm. “Why in Celestia’s name are you here?”
Pinkie wandered into the sauna, with a white towel slung over her back. “I bought a voucher the same day Rarity bought yours! I wanted to come to the spa with you two, just to make it extra-special. I always have way more fun when I come here with Rarity or Fluttershy. We can talk about fashion, or animals, or parties, or adventures, or candy—going by yourself just isn’t the same, you know?” She blinked as the steam finally cleared enough for her to see their flushed, tight faces. “Although it looks like you two are having fun! Sounded like it, too.”
Carrot went pale. “S-sounded like it?”
“Yeah!” Pinkie pulled on the nearest cord. “Ahh. You were right. ‘So wet, so hot, sooooo good.’ I love a good trip to the sauna, don’t you?”
“I—we—” Cupcake sounded desperate.
“We have to go,” said Carrot abruptly. Not even bothering with an excuse, the Cakes shot for the door, desperate to escape the pink pony who was so determined to make them happy.
As they raced down the hall, Pinkie stuck her head out of the door. Her hair, heavy with steam, hung flat against her neck. “Hey, wait! Where are you two going? What about mud baths?”
They reached the front desk, where a surprised Lotus awaited them. “Oh! Done with the sauna? Are you ready for those massages?” Her eyes flicked briefly down beneath Carrot’s underbelly and widened. She blushed and looked back up.
“No,” said Carrot, his voice tight. “Sorry, we just realized, we left the oven on back home, and if we don’t go back and turn it off it might burn the whole bakery down.” He blathered more apologies as the two of them pushed out of the spa door.
“Hang on,” called Lotus, “those vouchers were good for the whole day! You’ve only been here fifteen minutes!”
“Can’t stay! Oven!” Carrot waved goodbye.
“Well—” Lotus shrugged, at a loss. “I guess I’ll save these here for you. Come back when you’ve fixed the oven!”
“Sure!” yelled Cupcake, as they dashed away.
* * *
Cupcake and Carrot stormed back toward Sugarcube Corner, twitchy and nearly driven mad with suppressed passion. It took an absolutely valiant effort for Cupcake not to throw herself on her husband and let him screw her brains out right there in the street, but somehow she managed.
When they reached their home, they discovered the party was still in full swing. There was no way they were going to get any relief with forty other ponies in the house.
“What do we do?” asked Cupcake, unable to string together two coherent thoughts, let alone a plan.
“We improvise,” said Carrot, with a determined scowl.
The Cakes burst in through the door, drawing the confused gazes of every partygoer. “Gas leak!” shouted Carrot. “Everypony out before the whole building explodes!”
Ponies screamed, and raced for the door. Carrot and Cupcake stood aside, watching as their uninvited—well, uninvited by them—guests streamed out of their home. The ponies ran for the hills, trying to get as far away from Sugarcube Corner as they could before the building went up in flames.
Carrot slammed the door shut as the last partygoer fled, and turned to Cupcake, wide-eyed. “Lock. Down. Everything.”
They raced to and fro, slamming shut and locking windows, doors, and chimney gratings. They even duct-taped the mail slot closed. Finally, the two Cakes stood in the bakery’s main room, surrounded by party supplies, panting heavily. “Did we get them all?” asked Cupcake.
“You guys missed one!”
Cupcake looked up to see Pinkie waving from the top of the stairs. “Gummy’s alligator door was open, so I crawled in and locked it shut for you.”
“Alligator door…?” Cupcake sat heavily, feeling the crushing weight of defeat.
“It’s in my room, under the window. I’m not surprised you didn’t see it, it’s pretty small.” Pinkie bounced down the stairs. “So why are we locking up Sugarcube Corner if there’s a gas leak, anyway? Aren’t you supposed to let it air out?”
Carrot collapsed onto one of the refreshment tables, head in hooves. He began beating his forehead on the tablecloth. Pinkie raised an eyebrow. “What’s gotten into Mr. Cake? He’s been acting awful funny today. Both of you have.”
Carrot looked up at a pitcher of brown, bubbly liquid that stood near him on the table. “What is this?”
Pinkie tilted her head quizzically. “Root beer.”
“Close enough.” He grabbed the pitcher and began downing the entire thing.
Cupcake gave a frustrated whimper. “Pinkie, please. Can you just leave us alone for a few hours?”
Pinkie’s face drooped. “Wh-why? Don’t you want me around anymore?”
“No, Pinkie,” said Carrot, finally pulling his face out of his impromptu mug. “It’s just…” he sighed.
Cupcake gestured aimlessly with a hoof. “It’s just that it’s our anniversary, and we were planning to have a nice, quiet evening—alone.”
Pinkie’s dismay changed to confusion. “But—special days are always more fun with friends! Why would you want to spend Nightmare Night alone? Or Hearth’s Warming Eve?”
“Because,” said Cupcake, giving up on subtlety, “we’ve been trying to have s—”
“—some alone time,” cut in Carrot. “No parties, no presents, no spa trips, just some quiet time to enjoy each other’s company.”
“But…” Pinkie looked lost. “That doesn’t sound as fun as a party at all.”
“You’ll understand, if you ever get married,” said Cupcake, giving her a strained smile.
“Maybe,” said Pinkie, beaming again. “But I still think you guys will have way more fun with me around. We can play pin the tail on the pony, and—”
There was a knock at the door. Cupcake and Carrot shared a look so dry that Cupcake nearly laughed despite herself. Converting the chuckle to a sigh, she walked over to the door and unbolted the lock. She pulled it open. “Yes?” she asked, wearily.
Standing on the doorstep was a violet alicorn, her wings covered with pine needles and sap, and her horn flickering spastically. Cupcake’s eyes widened. “Twilight! What on earth happened to you?”
“No time to explain, Mrs. Cake,” she said, trying to peer around into the bakery. “Is Pinkie home?”
Cupcake pulled the door wide open. “She’s right here.”
Pinkie bounced over to the doorway. “What’s up, Twilight?”
“Pinkie, we need your help.” Twilight looked haggard. “There’s a horde of grumpalufaguses marching out of the Everfree Forest, and they’re heading this way. There’s very little about them in my books, but Fluttershy said you might know how to deal with them.”
“Grumpalufaguses?” Pinkie laughed. “Oh, this’ll be easy! We just need fifty pounds of butter, a few bungee cords, and a ball of yarn.”
“Come on, then!” Twilight flapped her sticky wings. “There’s no time to lose.”
“I don’t know…” Pinkie looked back at the Cakes. “I promised myself I was going to spend all day with the Cakes, to make sure this was their best anniversary ever!”
Carrot shook his head almost frantically. “No, no, by all means, Pinkie. Go save the town.”
“Yes! It’ll—it’ll make this day just perfect if we don’t all get covered with pine sap!” Cupcake clutched on to this new hope. “Go stop those grumpalufawhatsits!”
“Gesundheit,” said Pinkie. She sighed. “Well, if you’re okay with it. Come on, then, Twilight! We can stop by my secret butter stash…”
The door shut behind them, and Cupcake flattened herself across it. “Am I dreaming?” she asked. “Is she actually gone?”
“No and yes, in that order,” said Carrot, grabbing her and pulling her into the most passionate kiss either of them had had in a long, long time. Lips locked together, they stumbled across the room to the refreshment table. Carrot took his foreleg and swept it across the table, knocking plates and bowls to the floor, carelessly scattering pretzels and trail mix all over. He picked up Cupcake and sat her on the tabletop, still kissing her.
She pulled him up on top of her, rolling over on the table, her mind ablaze with sensuous insanity. “Oh, for Sisters’ sake, Carrot, I need this so bad.”
“And I need to give it to you,” he murmured, kissing her again. Cupcake pushed her head forward, hungry-mouthed, feeling the heat return to every fiber of her being. It had never really left, not since the sauna.
“Come on, Carrot. What are you waiting for?” she whispered. “Finish what you started.” She reached her hooves down and spread the lips of her pussy wide.
Carrot fumbled between them, pressing his already-hardening stallionhood against her entrance. He pushed back inside, groaning with relief. “I love you so much, Cupcake.”
“I love you too, Carrot,” she moaned, “now by Celestia’s mane, fuck me.”
He obliged, immediately slamming himself as deep inside her as he could go. The cups and plates that remained on the ends of the table rattled with every thrust. Carrot pounded into Cupcake’s pussy like a jackhammer, sending radiant waves of pleasure through her entire body that shocked her to the core.
Oh, Carrot—I haven’t felt this amazing in a long time. They had always had a generally good sex life, but now, starved for each other’s satisfaction and their own pleasure, they were both filled with a flaming passion that burned inside like the sun. “Carro—Car—Carrot—oh—”
She gasped his name between the violent bucks of his hips, her eyes rolling up into her head. His cock, still slick and sweaty, surged past the wet walls inside her, drilling to her center. Flecks of her pussy juice spotted the tablecloth as he rammed into her over and over. Her pussy seized up around him involuntarily, desperately trying to keep him inside her, welcoming him back whenever he surged forward.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuuuuck…” he whispered, his balls slapping up against her taint with wet slaps. The smell of their combined arousal was an overpowering aroma. Cupcake felt dizzy as she inhaled, every inch of her body screaming for release.
There weren’t going to be any position changes this time, she knew. They were going to fuck and fuck until both of them came, right here on the tabletop. And right now, she thought that was the hottest thing she’d ever imagined.
“Come on—Carrot—let’s—cum to—gether—oh—I’m—ohhhhhh—so ready to cum—”
She brought a hoof down to her pussy, holding it against Carrot’s stallionhood as he pumped in and out of her. It was soon covered with her dripping love juice, and she brought it to her aching clit to finally give it the attention it craved.
Her eyes rolled back in her head as she stroked her clit in a tight circle, faster and faster until her foreleg ached. Above her, Carrot’s grunts had reached a fever pitch. “Cupcake—are you ready?”
“So ready, honey, I’m so ready.” Cupcake stole frantic kisses in between thrusts. She said whatever filthy things came to mind, long past caring about restraint or manners. “Cum inside me, Carrot—ohhhh—let me feel that splash, please—all that hot, gooey mess—aaaaAAAHhhhhh—just pump it all out inside my pussy…” She was crying out with the desperate need to climax, rubbing her clit so hard it almost hurt, when—
“Oh—Cupcake!”
She felt Carrot tighten up all over. He slammed his hooves onto the tabletop so hard the plates jumped. He bucked forward, and then the first surge hit. Just as she’d demanded, a giant spurt of his cum came flooding out into her depths. She felt his hot seed boiling within her, and gave a cry of happiness. Then came the second shot, and the third, and the fourth, and then she lost count as Carrot pulsed within her, cumming harder than he had since their wedding night. It kept pouring out, filling her up and bathing his stallionhood inside her with warm, sticky seed.
She felt it leak out around the base of his shaft, as the outpouring became too much for her marehood to contain. Globs of it squeezed out above his member, mingling with her own juices. Her frantic hoof dipped into the mixture, and then immediately returned to her hot button. The sensation of Carrot’s warm cum on her clit was the last straw.
Her orgasm hit her like a tidal wave, crashing through her body and wracking her with convulsions. She shuddered, her hips bucking up against his and ramming back down onto the table, knocking off another plate. It seemed like fireworks were going off in her head, as her mind-shattering climax send her into paroxysms of ecstasy. Her hooves beat uselessly against the table as she rocked in the volcanic heat of release at last.
The shudders eventually calmed, and Cupcake came back down to earth. She found Carrot waiting for her, still inside, his chest heaving but his mouth wide in an exhausted smile. Cupcake traced his cheek with her dry hoof, too tired to even kiss him. He slowly pulled out of her, releasing a stream of liquid from their combined lovemaking. As it flowed down her leg onto the table, Cupcake just breathed, trying to gather her senses after such an astonishing, world-shaking climax.
She scooted over to the side, giving Carrot enough room to lie down on the table beside her. The two of them stared up at the ceiling, speechless. Cupcake’s lungs were still gasping for air, but her heart finally began to return to a steady beat. She blinked, looking up at the patterned wood. “Wow.”
Carrot shook his head slowly. “Wow.”
They lay there for another minute or two, stunned silent by the best sex either of them could remember in a long time. At last, however, reality began to intrude. Cupcake felt her back starting to get stiff from lying on the hard wood of the table. “Mm,” she mumbled, “Maybe we should move.”
“Okay,” murmured Carrot, fumbling with a hoof for a nearby chair for support. Failing to find one, he sat up with a groan and got off the table. Cupcake followed suit, clenching her legs. She quickly located some napkins lying on one of the party tables, and headed off to the bathroom to clean up.
Returning a minute later, she found Carrot in the process of sweeping up the snack food that had spilled all over the floor. He grinned sheepishly. “I think I may have gotten carried away.”
“If that was getting carried away, we should do it more often,” said Cupcake, a dazed smile still on her lips. She grabbed another broom in her mouth and moved to join her husband.
“You said it.” Carrot tugged on the tablecloth, which now had some very large damp spots. “I’m thinking we should just throw this away.”
“Probably for the best,” she agreed. As they rolled it up to take out to the trash, Cupcake couldn’t help but smile. “Well, it definitely didn’t happen the way Pinkie intended,” she said, giving Carrot another kiss on the cheek. “But that was definitely the best anniversary ever.”
Carrot grinned. “After we get this all cleaned up… what do you say to round two?”
Cupcake pretended to think for a moment. “Round two sounds good.” She gave him a seductive smile. “But round two at the spa sounds even better.”
“Mm,” said Carrot, raising his eyebrows. “She did say we could come back once we dealt with that heat problem…”
“Sounds like a plan,” said Cupcake, tweaking his nose with a smile. The Cakes looked at each other with renewed affection, still caught up in the afterglow. They laughed, and resumed their sweeping.
The bakery had never been cleaned faster.
