The Quadroblitz Theory

by Roseluck

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Discord, Princess Celestia
Length: 9080

A theory regarding Equestria during the reign of Discord and how was really the villan. Discord, or the Princesses?

Quadroblitz had asked me to write out a story about his theory regarding Discord's place in the world prior to his demise. He believed that Discord was the rightful ruler of Equestria, but was overthrown by the princesses. This is the theory behind what happened the day Celestia took over.

(I'll draw a cover pic for this later)

Published 2013-12-09 01:10:04 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-09 01:10:04 UTC

Before Season 4 Aired Version

“Lord Discord!”

A call beckoned from the halls of my magnificent abode. The sense of urgency perked my interest, but not enough to make me stand up or anything. I was enjoying my comfortable position cradled next to my chandelier. Yes, the ceiling makes for a wonderful futon.

“Lord Discord! It’s urgent!”

A loyal subject of mine, a male earth pony whom I call Frank, stumbles into my chambers in a haphazard fashion, knocking over my priceless, irreplaceable statue of me building a statue. I applaud him for his entrance, and with a snap of my fingers, the smithereens of my statue was rebuilt into its original shape: A penguin serving clocks in a cheese shaped kiosk. That’s what it was originally, anyway. The sculpture has been smashed so many times; I often re-build it into funky new designs. Frank dusted himself off and made no intention of apologizing for his glorious accident. Besides, I’ve asked him personally to enter my chambers in no other way than chaotically.

“My Lord, a rich pony family from the east wishes to discuss urgent matters with you.”

I cock my head 370 degrees to the side and let out a sarcastic sound of shock. How many times has it been? Maybe, 54 times that a ‘rich pony family from the east’ wanted to discuss matters with me. They usually hail from someplace called Canterlot, an uppity unicorn paradise. Most visitors consider it the pinnacle of Entropia, since its mountain is dead in the center of my kingdom, and it’s much taller than my mountain. Pfft. Not that I care. I gave my subjects their own space away from my superb chaos. That space just so happens to be that entire region. Canterlot seems like the ideal place to have my castle, but that would be much too expected. Way too orderly for me.

“It’s the Mayor of Canterlot and his wife!”

Okay, now that’s different. It’s been a while since I’ve talked to the mayor. He was so bright, and so charming, much like my sun and how its wonder shines over my lands. His majestic wings, I dare say, even surpass mine. (Despite the fact that they’re so terribly symmetrical.) (Don’t tell him I said that. He’s a talented Pegasus, and I wouldn’t want to get on his bad side. It’s actually less fun.) And that wife of his, what a character! She’s so mysterious. Reminiscent of my moon and how it hides itself in the shadows, but so wondrous when seen fully. One minute, she’d sit timidly behind that masquerade of smiles, and the next she’d be playing happily with the children. And her magic was something else. Rarely did she use it, but when she did, she could move mountains with a levitation spell. I wonder how those two are doing.

“They…they’re dead, my Lord.”

Oh. That’s how they’re doing. Well, that’s a shame. Wait, if they’re dead, then who is hear to speak with me?

“Their daughters wish to have a conference about their parents’ funeral.”

Daughters? With an ‘S’?! Whoa, I didn’t know there were any buns in the oven, let alone two! How long has it been? Have they simply died of old age? That tends to happen to me, since I’m not, how you’d say, mortal. Usually, though, I pay visits. Have I really been too busy to pay my subordinates any mind? I don’t know why, but a strange feeling crept up inside me, and the only way I could quell it was to speak to these daughters.

I cleared my throat to speak, in turn I accidentally, not so accidentally, trapped Frank in a bubble.

“Send them in.” I request as I sent bubble Frank out to fetch the visitors.

Alone once again, I try to recollect the last time I spoke to the mayor of Canterlot. To be honest, I couldn’t quite recall his name, but I do remember we were discussing transportation methods from Canterlot to the other major cities of Entropia. Naturally, my subjects were happy to see me. Apparently they enjoyed the way I was running the country, though I personally thought it could use a bit more chaos throughout. I’ve tried that though, and they didn’t like it, so I moved all my jumbly wumblies back to the capitol where all my more fun loving subjects like Frank and I could enjoy the entropy.

Where was I? Oh, yes, the Mayor. Well, we were talking, and I think he mentioned a train to be the main transportation method. I funded the project without hesitation, and went on my merry way. I don’t remember any trifling details of our meeting.

Except for maybe…right. He mentioned a daughter. Oops. Well, it’s no hard feelings, especially now that I get to meet the girls.

“My Lord?”

That voice made me jolt. I’ve lived longer than you can perceive time, and taken many forms, but I’ve never heard a voice so elegant. So smooth, like silk sandpaper, I was stunned that such a voice existed. I hesitated to turn around, afraid that I might come in contact with some being that had surpassed even me.

PFFAHA HAHA!

No but really, I didn’t turn around immediately, and when I did, I did it again 5 more times.

“SWEET SACRED CHAO!” I blurted out. I couldn’t believe my eyes. A snow white pony with a unicorn horn…

…and pegasus wings.

Ponies are such normal creatures, with their pastel colors, and symmetrical bodies, this was quite a sight. The subtle chaos before me was gorgeous. It was only a subtle difference, or so I thought. I hovered closer to my subject, who bowed immediately, to find that she was a fully grown mare, slightly larger than other ponies, without a cutie mark. She was missing the symbol that defines who she was. A gifted pony, with no destiny. Her mane was glorious. It had soft colors (that were a little too uniform for me) but it flowed without reason.

I gawked, I couldn’t help myself! Just as I was about to apologize for my rude behavior, not really, a dark blue pony trotted in.

I gasped audibly and immediately inspected the newcomer. She was much younger, that much was true, and her mane was cut asymmetrically. She also had the same abnormality the white pony had; a horn and small little wings. She was probably too young to have a cutie mark anyway, but it’s worth noting that she didn’t.

I had come down to two conclusions. One, the ponies are evolving through cross breed reproduction. (I’ve ruled that out because it’s not abnormal for a pegasus and a unicorn to have a foal.) Two, these aren’t ponies at all. Not normal ponies at least. Yes, that was the most plausible thought.

“What are you two?” I ask rather bluntly.

They stare at each other in a way that I don’t get, then back at me to give me an answer that still rings in my head.

“Princess Celestia and Princess Luna of Canterlot.”

I snort, cackle, and laugh all at once after my brain digested what they said. I thought it was cute that they thought they were princesses. Did their father tell them they were royalty? I wouldn’t wanna break the news to them too quickly, but I think it would be just wrong to savor the hilarity of that statement.

After I got a hold of myself, I escorted the girls to my conference room. On the way there, they were gawking around at the rooms. Not like my other subjects though. These two were gawking like they were trying to purchase real estate.

We seat ourselves at my oblong shaped conference table. I fetch the girls each a warm beverage, and light a fire in the fireplace. It was summer, but it gets quite chilly up here on this mountain.

“I’ve heard the news, girls.” I speak, “My condolences.”

‘Princess’ Luna takes a sip of her tea and shrugs her shoulders in a way of saying ‘eh, it happens.’ I like that kid already.

“So, the funeral, then?” I’m right to the point with them, which causes Celestia to stand, which prompted her sister to follow.

“Send a message to my people in Canterlot, telling them there will be a funeral.” Celestia said abruptly. She then flew right out my window, her little sister on her tail without a warning.

I really liked those kids. I just couldn’t let them down. I made a point to travel down to Canterlot the next day and deliver a speech just as Celestia had said.

“Oh Frank!” I called out to my loyal servant who bounced in with his bubble. “Clear my schedule. I’m heading east for Canterlot in the morning.”

“Yes, my lord.” Frank said, and bounced off.

~~*~~

I’d spent the entire night practicing my speech down to the T, and wrote it on gold leaf paper. Looking at the paper, I then incinerated it, for I never plan my public speeches. I was on the train to Canterlot, as tribute to the Mayor and his transportation project. There were ponies of many kinds on it there to greet me, some even changing their original destinations to see my speech. I love my subjects. Even if they’re practically all the same, together, they’re one big rainbow of individuality, which is something I treasure. Next to the little cheeses my servants hand out at parties. Those are amazing.

I arrived in Canterlot, a stylish city that seemed to prepare for my address. Little do they all know, I will be delivering sad news to them.

It didn’t take me long to find the town hall. It was an open area fit for a castle. Just a large space near a great, bustling waterfall separated by an empty pasture. The town hall was a marble house with a fashionable tile roof. Its uniform design almost made me gag, if it weren’t for the fact that the waterfall and open space made the whole area so eclectic.

I practically allowed myself into the building. Ah, well I DID let myself into the building. The lock, you see, was slightly more advanced than anything else I’ve ever seen, so I turned the lock into something more fun, like a dill gherkin! Anyway, while inside, I noticed that the place was beleaguered by boxes. Under close, and in a totally non meddlesome manner of inspection, I’ve discovered that the boxes were filled to the brims with a hodgepodge of things that seemed so normal. Clothing, toothbrushes, furnishings, appliances, and other items that would have better been stored in drawers or cabinets rather than cardboard boxes such as what I saw there. I was about to dismiss the mundane thought, when one particular box caught my eye.

It was the smallest box in the bunch (at least that I saw), being a good meter or so cubed. I didn’t want to peak my snout where it didn’t belong, but I opened the box up immediately to find a picture in a frame. In the picture, I saw the Mayor as a young colt next to who looked like his wife as a young filly. I supposed they met at a young age.

I looked close to see that there were two ponies, much older than the Mayor and his wife in the photograph.

I looked closer to see that those ponies were the Mayor’s parents.

Then I looked too close, and saw that they were also his wife’s parents…

“Egad.” I spoke out loud. I had to check my surroundings to see if I was being watched. Not that that would matter to such a powerful being like me, but I felt I had to be cautious for uncovering such a scandalous truth. I continued to rifle through the box, further confirming the two princesses, Celestia and Luna, were inbreeds. I giggled like a school filly when I came to this realization.

“Excuse me, your highness?” My head snapped 180 degrees towards the source of the sound to find Inbreeds Celestia and Luna standing in the doorway of the lobby. “What are you doing rifling through our stuff?”

“1000 pardons, Ms. Celestia!” I apologized nonchalantly as I closed up the cardboard box of personal memorabilia. “I assumed I was alone.”

“Never mind the photos, Discord.” Celestia spoke bluntly.

It’s been a while since anyone’s spoken to me like that directly, and with such vigor. Like I’ve said before, I like this pony! Just when that thought bounced about in my mind, Luna, the littler one, shot a bolt of lethal magic at me without warning. See, it’s fun to play with murderous spells, but when you don’t warn that you’re doing it, someone could get hurt. The bolt struck me directly in the solar plexus, causing me to double over.

“Oof! Geez, mare! What was that for?! Haha!” I laughed and shrugged off the slight ache.

The sisters exchanged glances, then looked back at me.

“We’re going to be ruling Entropia now.” Celestia joked. “We were born to assume the throne. We’ve secretly ruled from a palace in the Everfree, and we plan to rule over the country more openly. Revoke your crown, or perish.”

I couldn’t take it. It was all just too much! The serious look on their faces really sold it though.

“Aren’t you two just the most entertaining creatures I’ve seen in a long time, HA!”

That’s when Celestia’s eyes began to glow. The magic she was emitting was immense. She caused the entire roof to collapse over my head, which crushed my wing and chipped my nail. It was at this point that I came to the conclusion that these two ponies were getting a little out of hand. I teleported myself right between the two sisters and stood akimbo in a disapproving manner.

“Alright now, fillies. Playtime is just about up. I’m starting to get the feeling you’re actually plotting a coop.”

Their dead silence and unchanging expressions somehow confirmed my own ludicrous accusation.

“What the heck?! You’re actually trying to overthrow ME? Do you both wish to kiss the face of oblivion out of pure spite?”

“The throne will be ours, Discord.” Luna spoke such dastardly words that did not complement her silky voice at all, which delighted me, but still made me furious. “You will be exiled.”

“Exiled?!” I shouted. “And to where do you two MORTALS plan on exiling me?!”

Luna slowly brought up her head and spoke ever carefully. “The Spirit realm.”

With that, the two sisters shot more lethal magic at me. I dodged it effortlessly, of course, but the blast shot clean through a window just adjacent from me, reducing a nearby building to ruble. I’m all for chaos and entropy, in the name of the natural order and good fun, but when lives are at stake, my citizens come first. Swiftly, I jumped for the two sisters in hopes of apprehending them and transporting them far away from any signs of life, but Luna was able to head butt me in what would be the lower torso region of my serpentine body. The split second hesitation, sadly, cost me the time needed to prevent another mishap. Celestia shot 3 bolts of lightning at me, but her pitiable aim caused the bolts to bounce off of the metal in the house and meet each other, forming ball lightning headed for a schoolhouse.

“Sacrebleu!!” I screamed watching the massive ball of death slowly roll toward the campus. Quick as physically impossible, I apprehended Luna and threw her in front of the death ball. She took the full force of the hit, as I had planned, sparing the children of a shocking demise.

Luna, however, was able to shrug off the blast as if it were a joke. She and her sister cantered toward me with pep and swagger. It appeared more silly than intimidating, until I locked eyes with them. There was a certain intensity in their gaze that was unsettling. When they were in arms reach, I teleported us all far away from the city in hopes of preventing further damage. That saves me a lot of paperwork, and lives, I guess.

I examined the surroundings to find that the three of us were in a baron desert accompanied only by strange rock formations. Far to the east, I could see the Forest of Leota. It wasn’t long before those two unicorns…er…pegasi….pegicorns got rowdy again and shot extra magic at me. Their carelessness went without reward as I dodged each attack without the slightest sign of physical exertion. I’m completely baffled as to how these mortal ponies believe they can compete with a deity.

With the new baron surroundings, I can now combat these fools without having to worry about collateral damage. I took a deep breath and turned the ground to a fruit flavored powder. I flew into the air, leaving the girls trapped. Ceasing the opportunistic window I just opened for myself, I gather an abundance of clouds to cause a controlled storm. With one swift kick, a monsoon swept over the flavored powder mix. The powder diffused into the rainwater and formed a gelatinous solution. After letting the concoction sit for a while I look at the results. Those two pegicorns were locked frozen in a large, tasty prison of red Jell-O.

I laughed abundantly at my work. The permanent looks on those ponies’ faces were priceless. Such anger and power, funny how they managed to be contained in wiggly dessert! I couldn’t help myself. I rocked back in forth in the air in an attempt to regain my composure, but the effort was fruitless. It was just so silly!

But, of course, those two ponies didn’t quite know when to quit. Those horns of their started to glow again and they were able to reanimate themselves within the Jell-O. The younger one actually ate her way out of it, while the elder one used a more practical, less fun teleportation spell. They both faced me again, blowing out chunks of gelatin from their lungs. It was at this point where I was getting a bit irritated.

I closed one eye and made a pinching motion with my claws. I pinched Celestia’s teeny tiny head, but it had no effect on her whatsoever. It was as if I didn’t even touch her. I was running low on options at this point. The younger pony ceased my moment of weakness as an opportunity of attack. She charged at me with everything she had, head-butting me in the stomach. Her horn was quite uncomfortable to have jammed into my gut. It’s a good thing it wasn’t as sharp as her sister’s. I elbowed her in the head, sending the child plummeting to the ground. Outraged, the elder pony shot seven bolts of lightning at me. I conjured a spoon and shot each bolt back at her. She fell to the ground to join her unconscious sister.

I flew close to the ground to survey the aftermath. Not wanting a repeat of the Jell-O thing, I encased them both in glass. There. Let’s see them eat their way out of that. That’d be painful. I’ll release them after they’ve learned their lesson. That should be about... a week.

Soon after that little ordeal, I found myself returning to Canterlot to give a speech about the mayor. I said I would, and I didn’t want to make myself out to be a liar, even though I am. I re-entered the Mayor’s home where I plan to spend the night. In the morning, I’ll give the speech and hold a funeral. It’d be cruel to have those girls miss it, so I’ll let them free for the event, I suppose. It was getting rather late, and I knew for a fact the mayor had to be sleeping extravagantly. He probably had a nice, cloudlike bed. I couldn’t wait to recline in something of the likes of that.

The moon was out, and I felt the need to admire it on the balcony. I overlooked my kingdom from this vantage. I had to admit, this would be a great place to have a castle. The waterfall was extravagant, and the moonlight was able to make rainbows from the mist produced by the cascade. It was truly a place fit for a king.

Suddenly, the moon stopped moving. It would take a trained eye to even notice that the moon was moving in the first place, but I noticed immediately when it wasn’t. I raised an eyebrow at the phenomenon. The natural disorder was a chaotic one, and I appreciated that.

It was then that I saw those two suckers yet again. What scared me about this is that I saw the young pony chewing glass. She ate her way out. If it weren’t for the fact that she was a threat, she’d be my favorite pony. Luna. I guess she was named after the moon, which had just stopped moving, by the way. Just checking to see if you’re still awake back there.

“Discord!” The elder pony called, startling Luna. “We hold more power than even you!”

“Don’t be ridiculous, mortal! You’ve gotten cocky just because you’ve escaped your prison! I’m not impressed in the slightest!”

“Oh? Well, can you, Discord, stop the movement of the most predominant celestial bodies?”

I whipped my head up at the moon and held my mouth open. “You’re bluffing! No way in the darkest depths of hades could you manage to temper with the natural disorder!”

“With a spell devised by my mother, Luna and I have ceased the movement of the moon and the sun! They shall never move on their own again!”

“Humbug!” I shouted. “You’re both full of it, you know? I’ll restore our natural satellites, and destroy you for treason!”

“We’d like to see you try, Discord.”

I angrily marched down the stairs and walked through the door. I pulled up my sleeves and prepared the ultimate smack down. Before I reached them, Luna flew up into the air, and to my utter astonishment, she moved the moon. Just like that. I was stopped dead in my tracks. It was criminal that they were able to temper with the natural disorder. Celestia also flew up into the air, and she somehow brought down the sun. I didn’t know whether to be outraged, impressed, or jealous. I walked back up to my balcony and watched how night turned into day and back again.

I shook my head, smiling at the fact that this kingdom could be co-ruled. Oh how fun it would be to have those two ponies rule along side me. Luna and I could teach the elder pony how to loosen up a bit. If only I could remember her name. I tried hard to think of it.

“Celery? No. Terrestria? Cerebral?” I made a game out of it, and began to cheer out numerous names that I thought could be hers. I then got down to one name that seemed to make sense.

I outstretched my arms in an opera pose, calling out to the two ponies so that we could reach a compromise.

“Celestia!” I called out. At that very moment, something happened. Like the pure fury of 5 billions of millions of stars colliding into the apex of my very existence, the agony was unspeakable. I had no idea pain could be felt on such a scale. Colors of all kinds flourished about me, swirling and whirling from beneath me, slowly reshaping me on the molecular scale into a statue of stone.

Basically, I got turned into a rock, and it wasn’t a picnic.

The evil pony of death, Celestia, marched up to my newfound stone prison of a body and robbed me of my crown. (Metaphorically, of course. I don’t wear crowns. Too tacky.) She stole Entropia from me.

“Discord, your rule is over. The era of Princess Celestia and Princess Luna has begun.”

I wish I could have made a face, but I was incased in stone. Harshly nonedible stone.

“The natural disorder shall be no more. A new world of order shall take its place.”

Oh please no.

With that, they moved me to a place in their garden, as if I were some lawn ornament.

Time passed by quickly. The next day, those two sisters fabricated a lie that I have lived my time and perished. They said I appointed them as the new leaders and they had a statue erected in my honor.

Over the course of many years, I’ve begun to realize that Celestia and Luna were not mortal beings. They’ve outlived generations, deforming my perfectly deformed world into a dreadful place of order and harmony! Ponies were becoming more and more similar, houses were all made the same way, and my chaotic kingdom was ruined.

The only thing they kept in tact was the architecture of my original castle. The interior was completely different, I’d know. I was dragged through it and replaced in the courtyard to remain for all eternity. They relocated the place to Canterlot, no surprise there. I did enjoy the view after all.

After the first generations died out, they began to fabricate a new story that I was an evil being who plunged the world into chaos. Had she told that to the ponies of my time, they’d consider me a hero, but these ponies were growing up in a world of order. Chaos was a taboo to them. It sickened me to my marble core.

What angered me the most though was that those two ponies moved the sun and moon, teaching young pegasi to move clouds instead of letting nature take its course. They’ve begun to control nature in an ordered manner. I couldn’t believe it. My kingdom, Entropia, It was all gone.

After Season 4 Aired Version

Post Season 4 pilot edit: (Note, there are slight alterations to the original, save fore the near end, which is completely changed.)

“Lord Discord!”

A call beckoned from the halls of my magnificent abode. The sense of urgency perked my interest, but not enough to make me stand up or anything. I was enjoying my comfortable position cradled next to my chandelier. Yes, the ceiling makes for a wonderful futon.

“Lord Discord! It’s urgent!”

A loyal subject of mine, a male earth pony whom I call Frank, stumbles into my chambers in a haphazard fashion, knocking over my priceless, irreplaceable statue of me building a statue. I applaud him for his entrance, and with a snap of my fingers, the smithereens of my statue was rebuilt into its original shape: A penguin serving clocks in a cheese shaped kiosk. That’s what it was originally, anyway. The sculpture has been smashed so many times; I often re-build it into funky new designs. Frank dusted himself off and made no intention of apologizing for his glorious accident. Besides, I’ve asked him personally to enter my chambers in no other way than chaotically.

“My Lord, a rich pony family from the east wishes to discuss urgent matters with you.”

I cock my head 370 degrees to the side and let out a sarcastic sound of shock. How many times has it been? Maybe, 54 times that a ‘rich pony family from the east’ wanted to discuss matters with me. They usually hail from someplace called Canterlot, an uppity unicorn paradise. Most visitors consider it the pinnacle of Entropia, since its mountain is dead in the center of my kingdom, and it’s much taller than my mountain. Pfft. Not that I care. I gave my subjects their own space away from my superb chaos. That space just so happens to be that entire region. Canterlot seems like the ideal place to have my castle, but that would be much too expected. Way too orderly for me.

“It’s the Mayor of Canterlot and his wife!”

Okay, now that’s different. It’s been a while since I’ve talked to the mayor. He was so bright, and so charming, much like my sun and how its wonder shines over my lands. His majestic wings, I dare say, even surpass mine. (Despite the fact that they’re so terribly symmetrical.) (Don’t tell him I said that. He’s a talented Pegasus, and I wouldn’t want to get on his bad side. It’s actually less fun.) And that wife of his, what a character! She’s so mysterious. Reminiscent of my moon and how it hides itself in the shadows, but so wondrous when seen fully. One minute, she’d sit timidly behind that masquerade of smiles, and the next she’d be playing happily with the children. And her magic was something else. Rarely did she use it, but when she did, she could move mountains with a levitation spell. I wonder how those two are doing.

“They…they’re dead, my Lord.”

Oh. That’s how they’re doing. Well, that’s a shame. Wait, if they’re dead, then who is hear to speak with me?

“Their daughters wish to have a conference about their parents’ funeral.”

Daughters? With an ‘S’?! Whoa, I didn’t know there were any buns in the oven, let alone two! How long has it been? Have they simply died of old age? That tends to happen to me, since I’m not, how you’d say, mortal. Usually, though, I pay visits. Have I really been too busy to pay my subordinates any mind? I don’t know why, but a strange feeling crept up inside me, and the only way I could quell it was to speak to these daughters.

I cleared my throat to speak, in turn I accidentally, not so accidentally, trapped Frank in a bubble.

“Send them in.” I request as I sent bubble Frank out to fetch the visitors.

Alone once again, I try to recollect the last time I spoke to the mayor of Canterlot. To be honest, I couldn’t quite recall his name, but I do remember we were discussing transportation methods from Canterlot to the other major cities of Entropia. Naturally, my subjects were happy to see me. Apparently they enjoyed the way I was running the country, though I personally thought it could use a bit more chaos throughout. I’ve tried that though, and they didn’t like it, so I moved all my jumbly wumblies back to the capitol where all my more fun loving subjects like Frank and I could enjoy the entropy.

Where was I? Oh, yes, the Mayor. Well, we were talking, and I think he mentioned a train to be the main transportation method. I funded the project without hesitation, and went on my merry way. I don’t remember any trifling details of our meeting.

Except for maybe…right. He mentioned a daughter. Oops. Well, it’s no hard feelings, especially now that I get to meet the girls.

“My Lord?”

That voice made me jolt. I’ve lived longer than you can perceive time, and taken many forms, but I’ve never heard a voice so elegant. So smooth, like silk sandpaper, I was stunned that such a voice existed. I hesitated to turn around, afraid that I might come in contact with some being that had surpassed even me.

PFFAHA HAHA!

No but really, I didn’t turn around immediately, and when I did, I did it again 5 more times.

“SWEET SACRED CHAO!” I blurted out. I couldn’t believe my eyes. A snow white pony with a unicorn horn…

…and pegasus wings.

Ponies are such normal creatures, with their pastel colors, and symmetrical bodies, this was quite a sight. The subtle chaos before me was gorgeous. It was only a subtle difference, or so I thought. I hovered closer to my subject, who bowed immediately, to find that she was a fully grown mare, slightly larger than other ponies, I must note. She had a cutie mark that suggested she had a destiny that had to do with the sun. Her mane was glorious. It had soft colors (that were a little too uniform for me) but it flowed without reason.

I gawked, I couldn’t help myself! Just as I was about to apologize for my rude behavior, not really, a dark blue pony trotted in.

I gasped audibly and immediately inspected the newcomer. She was younger, that much was true, and her mane was cut asymmetrically, and it seemed like the evening sky was caught in it. She also had the same abnormality the white pony had; a horn and gorgeous wings. Her butt label depicted a crescent moon, thus making everything about her seem to tie into the night.

I had come down to two conclusions. One, the ponies are evolving through cross breed reproduction. (I’ve ruled that out because it’s not abnormal for a pegasus and a unicorn to have a foal.) Two, these aren’t ponies at all. Not normal ponies at least. Yes, that was the most plausible thought.

“What are you two?” I ask rather bluntly.

They stare at each other in a way that I don’t get, then back at me to give me an answer that still rings in my head.

“Princess Celestia and Princess Luna of Canterlot.”

I snort, cackle, and laugh all at once after my brain digested what they said. I thought it was cute that they thought they were princesses. Did their father tell them they were royalty? I wouldn’t wanna break the news to them too quickly, but I think it would be just wrong to savor the hilarity of that statement.

After I got a hold of myself, I escorted the girls to my conference room. On the way there, they were gawking around at the rooms. Not like my other subjects though. These two were gawking like they were trying to purchase real estate.

We seat ourselves at my oblong shaped conference table. I fetch the girls each a warm beverage, and light a fire in the fireplace. It was summer, but it gets quite chilly up here on this mountain.

“I’ve heard the news, girls.” I speak, “My condolences.”

‘Princess’ Luna takes a sip of her tea and shrugs her shoulders in a way of saying ‘eh, it happens.’ I like that kid already.

“So, the funeral, then?” I’m right to the point with them, which causes Celestia to stand, which prompted her sister to follow.

“Send a message to my people in Canterlot, telling them there will be a funeral.” Celestia said abruptly. She then flew right out my window, her sister on her tail without a warning. “If you need us for assistance, we reside in the Everfree. Contact us there.” She shouted.

I really liked those kids. I just couldn’t let them down. I made a point to travel down to Canterlot the next day and deliver a speech just as Celestia had said.

“Oh Frank!” I called out to my loyal servant who bounced in with his bubble. “Clear my schedule. I’m heading east for Canterlot in the morning.”

“Yes, my lord.” Frank said, and bounced off.

~~*~~

I’d spent the entire night practicing my speech down to the T, and wrote it on gold leaf paper. In the morning after I finished relooking at the paper, I then incinerated it, for I never plan my public speeches. I was on the train to Canterlot, as tribute to the Mayor and his transportation project. There were ponies of many kinds on it there to greet me, some even changing their original destinations to see my speech. I love my subjects. Even if they’re practically all the same, together, they’re one big rainbow of individuality, which is something I treasure. Next to the little cheeses my servants hand out at parties. Those are amazing.

I arrived in Canterlot, a stylish city that seemed to prepare for my address. Little do they all know, I will be delivering sad news to them.

It didn’t take me long to find the town hall. It was an open area fit for a castle. Just a large space near a great, bustling waterfall separated by an empty pasture. The town hall was a marble house with a fashionable tile roof. Its uniform design almost made me gag, if it weren’t for the fact that the waterfall and open space made the whole area so eclectic.

I practically allowed myself into the building. Ah, well I DID let myself into the building. The lock, you see, was slightly more advanced than anything else I’ve ever seen, so I turned the lock into something more fun, like a dill gherkin! Anyway, while inside, I noticed that the place was beleaguered by boxes. Under close, and in a totally non meddlesome manner of inspection, I’ve discovered that the boxes were filled to the brims with a hodgepodge of things that seemed so normal. Clothing, toothbrushes, furnishings, appliances, and other items that would have better been stored in drawers or cabinets rather than cardboard boxes such as what I saw there. I was about to dismiss the mundane thought, when one particular box caught my eye.

It was the smallest box in the bunch (at least that I saw), being a good meter or so cubed. I didn’t want to peak my snout where it didn’t belong, but I opened the box up immediately to find a picture in a frame. In the picture, I saw the Mayor as a young colt next to who looked like his wife as a young filly. I supposed they met at a young age.

I looked close to see that there were two ponies, much older than the Mayor and his wife in the photograph.

I looked closer to see that those ponies were the Mayor’s parents.

Then I looked too close, and saw that they were also his wife’s parents…

“Egad.” I spoke out loud. I had to check my surroundings to see if I was being watched. Not that that would matter to such a powerful being like me, but I felt I had to be cautious for uncovering such a scandalous truth. I continued to rifle through the box, further confirming the two princesses, Celestia and Luna, were inbreeds. I giggled like a school filly when I came to this realization.

“Excuse me, your highness?” My head snapped 180 degrees towards the source of the sound to find Inbreeds Celestia and Luna standing in the doorway of the lobby. “What are you doing rifling through our stuff?”

“1000 pardons, Ms. Celestia!” I apologized nonchalantly as I closed up the cardboard box of personal memorabilia. “I assumed I was alone.”

“Never mind the photos, Discord.” Celestia spoke bluntly.

It’s been a while since anyone’s spoken to me like that directly, and with such vigor. Like I’ve said before, I like this pony! Just when that thought bounced about in my mind, Luna, the littler one, shot a bolt of lethal magic at me without warning. See, it’s fun to play with murderous spells, but when you don’t warn that you’re doing it, someone could get hurt. The bolt struck me directly in the solar plexus, causing me to double over.

“Oof! Geez, mare! What was that for?! Haha!” I laughed and shrugged off the slight ache.

The sisters exchanged glances, then looked back at me.

“We’re going to be ruling Entropia now.” Celestia joked. “We were born to assume the throne. We’ve secretly ruled from a palace in the Everfree, and we plan to rule over the country more openly. Revoke your crown, or perish.”

I couldn’t take it. It was all just too much! The serious look on their faces really sold it though.

“Aren’t you two just the most entertaining creatures I’ve seen in a long time, HA!”

That’s when Celestia’s eyes began to glow. The magic she was emitting was immense. She caused the entire roof to collapse over my head, which crushed my wing and chipped my nail. It was at this point that I came to the conclusion that these two ponies were getting a little out of hand. I teleported myself right between the two sisters and stood akimbo in a disapproving manner.

“Alright now, fillies. Playtime is just about up. I’m starting to get the feeling you’re actually plotting a coop.”

Their dead silence and unchanging expressions somehow confirmed my own ludicrous accusation.

“What the heck?! You’re actually trying to overthrow ME? Do you both wish to kiss the face of oblivion out of pure spite?”

“The throne will be ours, Discord.” Luna spoke such dastardly words that did not complement her silky voice at all, which delighted me, but still made me furious. “You will be exiled.”

“Exiled?!” I shouted. “And to where do you two MORTALS plan on exiling me?!”

Luna slowly brought up her head and spoke ever carefully. “The Spirit realm.”

With that, the two sisters shot more lethal magic at me. I dodged it effortlessly, of course, but the blast shot clean through a window just adjacent from me, reducing a nearby building to ruble. I’m all for chaos and entropy, in the name of the natural order and good fun, but when lives are at stake, my citizens come first. Swiftly, I jumped for the two sisters in hopes of apprehending them and transporting them far away from any signs of life, but Luna was able to head butt me in what would be the lower torso region of my serpentine body. The split second hesitation, sadly, cost me the time needed to prevent another mishap. Celestia shot 3 bolts of lightning at me, but her pitiable aim caused the bolts to bounce off of the metal in the house and meet each other, forming ball lightning headed for a schoolhouse.

“Sacrebleu!!” I screamed watching the massive ball of death slowly roll toward the campus. Quick as physically impossible, I apprehended Luna and threw her in front of the death ball. She took the full force of the hit, as I had planned, sparing the children of a shocking demise.

Luna, however, was able to shrug off the blast as if it were a joke. She and her sister cantered toward me with pep and swagger. It appeared more silly than intimidating, until I locked eyes with them. There was a certain intensity in their gaze that was unsettling. When they were in arms reach, I teleported us all far away from the city in hopes of preventing further damage. That saves me a lot of paperwork, and lives, I guess.

I examined the surroundings to find that the three of us were in a baron desert accompanied only by strange rock formations and abandoned huts. Far to the east, I could see the Forest of Leota, where most of the residents here have fled. It wasn’t long before those two unicorns…er…pegasi….pegicorns got rowdy again and shot extra magic at me. Their carelessness went without reward as I dodged each attack without the slightest sign of physical exertion. I’m completely baffled as to how these mortal ponies believe they can compete with a deity.

With the new baron surroundings, I can now combat these fools without having to worry about collateral damage. I took a deep breath and turned the ground to a fruit flavored powder. I flew into the air, leaving the girls trapped. Ceasing the opportunistic window I just opened for myself, I gather an abundance of clouds to cause a controlled storm. With one swift kick, a monsoon swept over the flavored powder mix. The powder diffused into the rainwater and formed a gelatinous solution. After letting the concoction sit for a while I look at the results. Those two pegicorns were locked frozen in a large, tasty prison of red Jell-O.

I laughed abundantly at my work. The permanent looks on those ponies’ faces were priceless. Such anger and power, funny how they managed to be contained in wiggly dessert! I couldn’t help myself. I rocked back in forth in the air in an attempt to regain my composure, but the effort was fruitless. It was just so silly!

But, of course, those two ponies didn’t quite know when to quit. Those horns of their started to glow again and they were able to reanimate themselves within the Jell-O. The younger one actually ate her way out of it, while the elder one used a more practical, less fun teleportation spell. They both faced me again, blowing out chunks of gelatin from their lungs. It was at this point where I was getting a bit irritated.

I closed one eye and made a pinching motion with my claws. I pinched Celestia’s teeny tiny head, but it had no effect on her whatsoever. It was as if I didn’t even touch her. I was running low on options at this point. The younger pony ceased my moment of weakness as an opportunity of attack. She charged at me with everything she had, head-butting me in the stomach again. Her horn was quite uncomfortable to have jammed into my gut. It’s a good thing it wasn’t as sharp as her sister’s. I elbowed her in the head, sending the child plummeting to the ground. Outraged, the elder pony shot seven bolts of lightning at me. I conjured a spoon and shot each bolt back at her. She fell to the ground to join her unconscious sister.

I flew close to the ground to survey the aftermath. Not wanting a repeat of the Jell-O fiasco, I encased them both in glass. There. Let’s see them eat their way out of that. That’d be painful. I’ll release them after they’ve learned their lesson. That should be about... a week.

With that problem finally solved, I made myself at home in the desert, changing a few things to fit my tastes. I did indeed plan on giving the speech in Canterlot. I said I would, and I didn’t want to make myself out to be a liar, even though I am. In the morning, I’ll give the speech and hold a funeral. It’d be cruel to have those girls miss it, so I’ll let them free for the event, I suppose. It was at that time that I decided to recline in a throne that most certainly wasn’t a rock that decided it didn’t want to be a rock anymore. From that position, I turned the ground into a checkerboard, and I raised some of the abandoned huts into the air. With the new scenery, I felt comfortable enough to sleep like a baby in a hailstorm.

Hours later, I was awoken by the sound of dull whispering. I opened my eye slightly to see that those two ponies got loose again. I wasn’t sure how they did it exactly, but I doubt they ate their way out. I turned my ear into a fly and had it buzz by Luna’s mane. From there, I was able to hear the one sided conversation over the sound of crunching.

“Dearest sister, our only hope now would be to use the Tree of Harmony to assume power.” Celestia whispered. “It was planted by our grandmother when she hoped for a world of order. The tree is magical, and bears six fruits. It will require our magic to open it.”

Luna them mumbled something incomprehensible.

“Yes, Sister.” Celestia responded. Somehow. “These fruits are the elements of harmony, not actual fruits. Excuse me for the confusion.”

And on that note, those two took off. The younger pony, however, turned to face me. I saw that her face was stuffed with something, and she was chewing vigorously. A small fragment fell from her mouth and collided with the checkerboard desert floor, making an audible shattering sound. She ate her way out of the glass. If it weren’t for the fact that she was a threat, she’d be my favorite pony.

I had to ponder about this Tree of Harmony nonsense. It did indeed seem like quite a mystical plant, and since their castle is in the Everfree, I wouldn’t doubt its existence. However, there are many reasons to believe these ponies are bluffing. Why else would that pony look directly at me if she didn’t know I was awake? And why would they whisper about a secret weapon here of all places? Would it not be more sensible to take your business elsewhere? Even I wouldn’t do that. At least I wouldn’t do it all the time.

So I came to the conclusion that the tree of harmony was a hoax designed to make me surrender. Tomorrow, they would trot up to me with these elements, lie about their supposed power, and have me submit to their new rule. Well, that wasn’t going to happen.

But what if, I thought on the off chance that they are being truthful, they do use the elements to stop me. I highly doubted it, but just as a precaution, I fabricated some flax seeds that should capture those two, and their supposed tree of harmony in the rare event that they succeed. A world of order is not a world I want to live in.

The next morning, those two ‘princesses’ had arrived on schedule. I had made more minor adjustments to the surroundings to make them more chaotic. For instance, my temporary throne was able to spin around to face the two entering princesses.

“This is so much fun.” I laughed, “How about a game of ‘Pin the tail on the pony?’” I raised the elder pony’s tail into view so that she could see it. The look on her face was absolutely priceless.

“Playtime is over for you, Discord!” She yelled at me. I could say the same thing to her, but I awaited the time their little Tree of harmony plan to blow up in their faces. I noticed they brought satchel bags.

I began to eat the flax seeds, spilling most of the contents onto the ground, where they will do their work. “Oh I doubt that.” I spoke sarcastically. I offered some of the seeds to the girls, but they gave no response. “Suit yourselves.”

At that moment, the ponies had opened their bags, levitating their contents into the air. I threw down the whole lot of seeds, just in case, but I still thought the elements were a sham. I tried to act surprised. “What have you got there?”

As if everything were scripted in their convoluted and dreadfully ordered play, they answered me just as I thought they would.

“The Elements of Harmony.” The elder pony spoke.

“With them, we shall defeat you!” added by the younger one.

They were incased in a plethora of visual magic, most of with seemed to just be fancy illumination spells. I thought to myself, are they being completely serious? Did they really believe I wouldn’t see through their guise? And their faces! I burst out laughing. They’ve lied so hard, that they truly believed they could fool me.

“You should see yourselves right now! The expressions on your face, so intense, so sure of yourselves!”

I’ve never ever laughed so hard. Well, there was that one time when I turned a band camp into an undersea conga line, but that was ages ago. This was truly something else.

At that very moment, something happened. Like the pure fury of 5 billions of millions of stars colliding into the apex of my very existence, the agony was unspeakable. I had no idea pain could be felt on such a scale. Colors of all kinds flourished about me, swirling and whirling from beneath me, slowly reshaping me on the molecular scale into a statue of stone.

Basically, I got turned into a rock, and it wasn’t a picnic. (Well, maybe if I was like that barbarian Luna, I could eat my way out.)

The evil pony of death, Celestia, marched up to my newfound stone prison of a body and robbed me of my crown. (Metaphorically, of course. I don’t wear crowns. Too tacky.) She stole Entropia from me.

“Discord, your rule is over. The era of Princess Celestia and Princess Luna has begun.”

I wish I could have made a face, but I was incased in stone. Harshly nonedible stone.

“The natural disorder shall be no more. A new world of order shall take its place.”

Oh please no.

“Luna and I shall control the day and the night, so that they start and end on schedule as a symbol of order.”

OH PLEASE NO. ANYTHING BUT THAT.

With that, they moved me to a place in their garden, as if I were some lawn ornament.

Time passed by quickly. The next day, those two sisters fabricated a lie that I have lived my time and perished. They said I appointed them as the new leaders and they had a statue erected in my honor.

Over the course of many years, I’ve begun to realize that Celestia and Luna were not mortal beings. They’ve outlived generations, deforming my perfectly deformed world into a dreadful place of order and harmony! Ponies were becoming more and more similar, houses were all made the same way, and my chaotic kingdom was ruined.

The only thing they kept in tact was the architecture of my original castle. The interior was completely different, I’d know. I was dragged through it and replaced in the courtyard to remain for all eternity. They relocated the place to Canterlot, no surprise there. I did enjoy the view after all.

After the first generations died out, they began to fabricate a new story that I was an evil being who plunged the world into chaos. Had she told that to the ponies of my time, they’d consider me a hero, but these ponies were growing up in a world of order. Chaos was a taboo to them. It sickened me to my marble core.

What angered me the most though was that those two ponies moved the sun and moon, teaching young pegasi to move clouds instead of letting nature take its course. They’ve begun to control nature in an ordered manner. I couldn’t believe it. My kingdom, Entropia, It was all gone.

Author's Note

I wrote the original version months ago, but never got around to posting it for Quadro. Oh well.