War Pony at Level Five

by TellMe_TellMe

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Adventure
Length: 4606

Twilight is the Dungeon Master for the most unlikely adventuring crew imaginable, her best friends.

When Twilight Sparkle discovers a copy of Dungeons and Dragons in the Ponyville library, she instantly falls in love with the game. After a good week of writing up notes and getting everything prepared, she is ready to share this new hobby with her best friends by running the greatest campaign ever. However, her friends are a little less than thrilled. Everything seems so strange! Beings who stand up on two legs and have fingers, weapons beyond their wildest imaginations, and a whole new world of magic to discover. As the group stumbles through their adventures, they learn a few valuable lessons about friendship.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-03-14 18:42:37 UTC

Preperations

A/N: Hello, all. Hope you enjoy the result of a slightly insane mind combining two of my favorite things, role-playing games and ponies.

"Let's go through the list one more time!" Twilight said, taking a slow walk around the library's floor, nodding to the baby dragon that was dutifully riding on her back.

"This will be the -last- time, right?" he responded meekly, gripping a little quill in one hand and a scroll in the other, "I don't think I can feel my fingers anymore."

"Come on, now, Spike. It wasn't -that- much copying..." she said, rolling her eyes before looking at the various stacks of custom-made character sheets that were neatly placed around the table in the center, "Well, I'll make it up to you! Okay. Library set up to provide a comfortable gaming environment?"

Spike sighed and looked over the library. In the center of Twilight's room was a table large enough to accommodate all six of the ponies. At the edge was a few bean bag chairs for sitting on, creased slightly from use, but entirely comfortable. Character sheets, all blank, were collected in the middle, accompanied by a few diamonds that were shaped into make-shift dice, each bearing a number in a stylized design.

"Check!" Spike chimed in, marking the box on his list.

"Refreshments prepared to keep us awake and peppy throughout the night?"

Sure enough, a small area was set up by the table where an array of food and drinks were displayed. A selection of cupcakes from Sugercube Corner were there, freshly made a few hours before, along with a few flowers and a punch bowl, complete with floating ladle and cups.

"Check!"

"Good. Let's see... Sheets, dice, and rulebooks?"

Spike looked over the fruit of his labor with a weary glance. It wasn't enough that he had to copy the intricate sheet from the back of the rulebook onto a sheet of paper by hand, but he had to do it five times in total! To add insult to injury, the poor baby dragon had to spare a few of his gemstones to be made into dice for the night's festivities.

"Check..." he mumbled.

"Great! That's everything!" Twilight announced, trotting over to the head of the table, "Isn't this exciting, Spike? We're going to be the first ponies in all of Equestria to ever play Dungeons and Dragons!"

"Exciting for you, maybe," Spike yawned, hopping off of his friend's back and wandering up the short flight of stairs to his little basket, "As for me, well, I'm going to try and sleep this writer's cramp off."

Twilight looked up at him and tilted her head slightly, scrunching her face in gentle confusion. While she did feel bad for making her little dragon do so much work, it didn't seem right to her that he should miss out on everything just because he was tired. Getting a little idea, she turned back to the table, using her magic to bring her notes over to the table.

"Aw, that's too bad," she commented, trying to look busy, "Rarity told me she was really looking forward to seeing you. But, if you want to sleep..."

"Rarity's coming?!" he exclaimed, immediately leaping out of his covers and dashing back down the stairs to Twilight's side, "Me? Sleep? Oh, no! Just needed to rest my eyes for a moment or two, is all, Twilight. When are they gonna get here?"

Twilight smiled, seeing that her little white lie was effective. She looked over at her clock and nodded, noting that it was almost six.

"Two more minutes exactly."

"Why in Celestia's name are we doing this again?" Rainbow Dash grumbled, floating above the rest of the group, arms crossed with a bored expression on her face. Below her, the rest of the group was casually walking towards Twilight's library as the last peals of sunshine made their way across the sky.

"We promised Twi that we'd be there," Applejack said, leading the group in front.

"But it sounds so BORING!" Dash exclaimed, zooming up into the Southern pony's face with a pleading look of displeasure, "Besides, we've fought dragons before. Why do we have to do it in some egg-head game?"

"...Dragons?" Fluttershy whimpered, lagging behind.

"And dungeons! Don't forget about dungeons!" Pinkie Pie said cheerfully, hopping back towards her timid friend to give her a little support. A frightened yelp from Fluttershy was the only result of her efforts.

"We've been through those too!" Dash sighed, drifting towards Pinkie to emphasize her point, "This is, absolutely, going to be the worst night of our lives."

"Rainbow Dash, please," Rarity said, turning her head back to look at the three ponies who were clustering up towards the back, "Even if this seems to be a horrid way to spend the evening, complaining about it is going to do us no better. So, I suggest we put our best hoof forward, and at least give it a chance. For Twilight's sake."

Defeated by majority opinion, Rainbow Dash scowled. Running through her mind were a good number of things she'd rather be doing: practicing tricks in the night sky, reading the latest adventures of Daring-Do while snuggled up in her bed, or even just sleeping! Anything except fighting dragons and going through dungeons in some imaginary game. Regardless of her own thoughts, she did have a promise to keep. She wouldn't let Twilight down that easily; it simply wasn't her style.

"Well put, Rarity," Applejack responded, smiling to the unicorn, " 'Sides, it may not even be that awful."

"Do any of you have any idea of what exactly we do in this 'Dungeons and Dragons'... game? It is a game, yes?" Rarity asked, pausing for a moment before the group got any closer to Twilight's library.

"Ooh! Twilight said it had something to do with rolling gems around the table, catching it with paper, and being a party!" Pinkie Pie said, grinning from ear to ear.

"How do you -be- a party?" Dash asked, floating in the air as the group circled to discuss what they were about to embark on.

"Easy!" Pinkie exclaimed, shooting a small pile of rainbow-colored confetti into the sky out of nowhere, standing on her two hooves, and throwing her arms into the air, "PARTY!"

"Oh, so it -is- a party game. Surprised that it is so rare," Rarity nodded, tilting her head to the side as she tried to recall its mention in any of the many parties she had attended in Canterlot, "Twilight could have simply mentioned that we were attending a party instead of putting the activity as the main attraction. I would have thrown something together."

"See, Rainbow?" Applejack said, looking up at the frustrated pegasus, "It's not goin' to be that bad after all. Shoot, Ah'm sure we're goin' to have a great time."

"Yeah, whatever," Dash said dismissively, still not entirely convinced.

"It's a really weird invitation system, though!" Pinkie added, scrunching up her face with a sliver of doubt, "Like some sort of spooky Twilight dragon and dungeon cult meeting party! Ooh, I hope she doesn't mind if I throw one too. That sounds like fun! Why didn't she ask -me- to throw the party? I'm always throwing parties! Well, maybe she wanted to try it out for herself. Good for her! I'm sure she did great! She had plenty of great examples to learn from!"

While the others were discussing the party to be, Fluttershy kept to herself, staring down at her hooves. While the prospect of a party seemed like fun, the title 'Dungeons and Dragons' just sent a shiver of fear down her spine. It was like two of her great fears combined into one horrid, looming monster that was ready to scoop her up and devour her. She couldn't help but shake a little bit as she looked up at Twilight's tree.

"...I think I'm just going to watch, if that's okay with you all," she whispered, taking advantage of the little lull of conversation that presented itself.

"Hey, don't chicken out!" Dash said, looking over to Fluttershy as she shuddered, "If we have to sit through this, you do too!"

Fluttershy whimpered and closed her eyes in distress as Rainbow loomed over her, but a friendly hoof on the back from Applejack was enough to help her open her eyes and settle down just a bit.

"Ah'm sure Twilight wouldn't mind if you just enjoyed the party an' didn't play the game," Applejack assured her, casting Rainbow a dirty look.

"Well, ladies, if we are quite finished delaying, I'm afraid we are going to be a few minutes late. Perfectly acceptable, as far as parties go, but you know how punctual Twilight likes to be," Rarity said, starting the walk fresh and making her way to Twilight's door, prepared to ring the bell. As soon as the other ponies caught up, she jangled it a bit with her magic.

"They're late! They're not coming!" Twilight exclaimed, going over to her clock in desperation.

"Don't be silly," Spike said, pointing to the minute hand, "It's only a few minutes after six. I'm sure they're just lagging behind."

"But I told them six, Spike! Not six'o'five, not six'o'two, but six!"

The sound of the bell jangled through the small space of the library, causing Twilight to leap up in the air, sending her mane slightly out of place from excitement. As an immediate response, she galloped over to the front door, skidded slightly, and opened it up wide. She was greeted by the nervous smiles of all of her best friends.

"Glad to see you girls made it!" she beamed, "Prepare for the greatest adventure of your lives!"

Character Creation Confusion

A/N: Thank you so much for your kind words and support! Let us continue on! Isn't alliteration great? I think it's great.

As the group entered Twilight's library, their nervous smiles eased into flat expressions. Things certainly didn't seem like they were set up for a party. Instead of cheerful dancing music, there was the gentle cricketing of the night-time bugs beginning their song. There were no balloons, streamers, or any decorations of any sort, save the strange looking items on the center table. However, the food seemed appropriate for some sort of festivities, and that was an encouragement.

"Well, don't be shy!" Twilight said brightly, turning from the group and going to her place at the head of the table, "Take a seat. I'm almost ready to get us started."

"And, I'll be back in a minute!" Spike said before dashing down the stairs out of sight.

A moment of hesitation passed, filled with the ponies glancing at one another in confusion. Unsure of how else to proceed, Applejack and Rainbow Dash approached the table and took a seat on the bean-bag chairs that were set up there. Immediately, their eyes were drawn to the strange looking sheets of paper piled up in the center and the gemstones that were scattered all about. Any hope of this being just another normal evening was quickly evaporating into the awkward silence that consumed the room.

Rarity and Pinkie Pie took it upon themselves to go inspect the refreshments that were set up. Though it seemed like traditional party fare, it wasn't much. As Rarity looked at the various cupcakes and flower selections with a tilted head, Pinkie was going over the entire space with a scrutinizing eye.

"She's made all sorts of amateurishy mistakes," she whispered to Rarity, "She really should have asked me for a pointer or two, or three, or more! The first thing I would tell her is more balloons. She didn't even set out one! Not one measly balloon!"

"I know what you mean, darling. I'm starting to think this isn't much of a party after-all," Rarity responded with the same measure of secrecy before raising her voice and turning to her host, "Oh, Twilight! This is simply a lovely little spread you have here."

Looking up from her notes, Twilight smiled, "Thank you! Feel free to have whatever you'd like."

"Forget about the food! This place is in serious need of party cannon," Pinkie muttered quietly, thinking to herself for a moment. The party cannon was almost exclusively used for decorating emergencies, and this was definitely some sort of emergency! It wouldn't take long for the party-lover to dart off in an instant, retrieve it, and bring it back, but that would be rude. Even if Twilight's decorations were lousy, Pinkie knew she had to be supportive!

"Aren't yah gonna join us, sugar-cube?" Applejack asked, looking back towards Fluttershy who was still idling near the doorway.

"I, well... I just, I just don't know..." she answered meekly, focusing on her little hooves as she drew them close together in a slightly huddled position.

"What's wrong, Fluttershy?" Twilight asked, peeking up over her notes with a concerned look.

"Oh, it's just that, well, it's Angel's bath night. If I don't remember, he won't, so I think that it's best if I just turned around and showed myself out," the timid pegasus lied, turning herself nervously as she hoped that the lie was effective.

Before she could get very far, Rainbow Dash was upon her, flapping her wings and suddenly appearing in front of her as she tried to leave. Dash narrowed her eyes as she gave her fellow pegasus a knowing glare, the kind that reads, 'You're not going anywhere.' Despite the obvious message, Fluttershy slipped into a weak little smile as she tried to push past.

"Excuse me..."

"Oh, no you don't!" Dash said before pushing the little pegasus back, dragging her across the floor towards the table despite the little 'eeps' and flutters of resistance. By the time she was finished, there were four ponies at the table, one of them looking incredibly glum.

"Um... Okay!" Twilight said, squinting in confusion before suppressing it, "Rarity? Pinkie Pie? If you'd like to come over, we can start making characters."

As the two ponies joined the rest, they all exchanged extremely confused glances, murmuring amongst themselves before coming to one unanimous conclusion.

"What?!" they all exclaimed in unison.

"I thought this was a party game!" Pinkie Pie blurted out, mouth agape from surprise.

"Well, your characters will be part of a party. An adventuring party," Twilight explained, looking a bit surprised herself from the sudden, adverse reaction.

"Hold up! Characters? Like, made-up characters?" Rainbow Dash asked, rolling her eyes, "I knew this was gonna be an egg-head game. We're just gonna be playing pretend!"

"Then, what's all this for?" Applejack added, pointing her hoof at the various materials collected on the table, "If we're goin' to play pretend, y'all could just head outside."

"Pretend? Oh, is this like improvisational group theater?" Rarity beamed, perking up quite a bit now that the party-pretense had been dropped, "That sounds absolutely fabulous!"

"There won't be an audience, right?" Fluttershy squeaked.

"Do they have balloons and punch at adventuring parties?" Pinkie asked.

"ENOUGH!" Twilight shouted, putting her hooves in the air to stop the constant flow of questions that were assaulting her. She knew that it was a bit of a radical concept to those who hadn't heard of it, but five ponies asking at once was enough to drive her up the wall if she didn't introduce some order.

"Let me clear up a few things. Dungeons and Dragons is a role-playing game. So, yes, it's like playing pretend, but it's like a board game too, in a way. There's structure and a ton of rules! Believe me, I've read all three rulebooks, five times! Each of you makes a character, and you will play that character, like in improvisational theater. Except, no audience. The whole point is that, together, we're going to go on adventures, make-up stories, and overcome all sorts of challenges in a fantasy world I made up. Got it?"

All five of the other ponies all exchanged glances again, nodding slowly to themselves. It sounded a little out there, of course, and certainly 'egg-head' like, but it didn't sound absolutely terrible. Seeing little other choice, other than getting up and rudely leaving their friend, they all responded to Twilight with various levels of acknowledgement and acceptance.

"No parties?" Pinkie asked, looking even more confused now than she was previously.

"Sorry, Pinkie, not right away," Twilight added before levitating one of the rulebooks over to the other ponies and opening it up to the 'Character Creation' section, "Okay, so, first thing is to pick a class and a race. Race is what kind of person you are, and class is what kind of job you do. Races are... Well, they're all listed there, but from what I can remember: human, dwarf, gnome, elf, half-elf, half-orc, halfling! As for classes there are..."

"Slow down, please," Fluttershy begged, flipping the pages of the book until the page with all of the pictures of the races appeared. They all recoiled in varying levels of disgust, Rarity taking the worst of it, as they saw humanoid creatures for the very first time.

"Goodness! We have to play -these- people?" the fashionista exclaimed, "None of them have hooves, or even claws! Just these grubby, stubby, little... finger things!... Blech!"

"Looks like somepony took a steamroller to their faces, too. Shucks, like they shoved their muzzles back 'til they were as flat as the broadside of a barn," Applejack added, pointing her hoof to the faces of the various races depicted.

"I dunno. Gotta admit those half-orcs look pretty tough," Rainbow Dash smiled, looking over the picture while running one hoof under her chin in thought, "And those finger-things would be great for picking stuff up and using it as a weapon!"

"What I don't get is that they all look like these ones!" Pinkie wondered aloud, pointing her hoof to the picture of the human, "Humans, right? I mean, this one is a human with pointy ears, this one's a short human, this one's a short human with pointy ears, this one is half human, half pointy ears, and this one is half human, half monster! It's like a bunch of humans made this book."

"Huh. That's funny. Didn't notice that," Twilight remarked, taking another look at the various races presented for play. It seemed pretty strange to her that a book written in Equestria had absolutely nothing to do with their own race, but it was fantasy after-all! Just, very extreme fantasy.

"I want to be an elf," Fluttershy said, after a short moment of silence, "If that's okay."

"Of course it is! That's great" Twilight nodded.

"You want to be an elf? But, they're so... gangly," Dash said, "I'm obviously going with half-orc here. There's no question. I mean, look at her! She just screams awesome!"

"Know what? Personally? This little gal here is growin' on me," Applejack said, pointing to the halfling, "Short, sweet, to the point. Just how Ah like it."

"Twilight, can I ask a question?"

"Sure, Pinkie, what's up?" Twilight responded, looking over to the party-loving Earth Pony whose head was almost literally buried in the rulebook.

"What's the other half of a half-elf? Ooh, or a half-orc? They're really pretty vague on that. It's very important, I'd think, to know what your two halves are!" Pinkie asked, turning her head backwards as she looked up at Twilight.

"I guess it'd be a human, right? Based on what you said before."

"How abooooout... A half-elf, half-orc? Two halves make a whole! And a really neat looking whole too! Wouldn't that just be funny? Wouldn't that just be the greatest character ever, Twi?" Pinkie said, bouncing around the table excitedly, ending up right next to Twilight.

"I'm not totally sure that's allowed in the rules, but..." Twilight took a moment to look over Pinkie's begging face before sighing lightly, "It makes sense to me! Go ahead."

"Whoo! I'll call her... Twinkle Blorg!" Pinkie beamed, leaping back to her place in an instant.

"Rarity? How are you comin' along?" Applejack asked, looking over to the unicorn whose face was pushed into a pout.

"I simply can't imagine myself as any of these... things," Rarity complained with just a hint of over-dramatic flare, "With their flat faces, gross little fingers, and... and these little apple-shaped protrusions on these women's chests. I see absolutely no purpose in them, and it would make dress-making absolutely atrocious."

"Ohh, just pick one already!" Dash sighed, throwing her hooves into the air, "We'll be here all night!"

"Fine, fine," Rarity huffed, pushing the book away slightly and crossing her arms, "Human it is."

"Now that we've got that under control, time for classes!" Twilight perked up, happy that they were starting to get somewhere, "Let's see, you can be a fighter, a rogue, ranger, paladin, druid, cleric, barbarian, bard... and... I'm pretty sure that's all of them! At least in this book."

"Well, if we're gonna be fighting stuff like dragons, I've gotta be the toughest, obviously," Dash said, grinning, "You think a fighter would be good for that? Or a barbarian?"

"Half-orc barbarians are pretty common. You can go with that," Twilight replied, marking a little something in her notes.

"Totally awesome! All of Equestria's gonna fear the biggest, strongest, most terrifyingly, ground-breakingly cool wonder that is Catapult the Strong!" she announced, zooming up into the air with a few flips before extending her arms in a spectacular finish, "Wait, does that mean I'm dumb?"

"Me next! Me next" Pinkie butted in before Twilight could explain, "Bards sing, right? I wanna be one of those! Oh, please, Twilight! Even the name Twinkle Blorg just screams bard! Doesn't it? Huh?"

"But, Pinkie, bards are kinda-"

"Ohh, please, Twilight! I've never asked you for anything! Except for that Gala ticket, or your acceptance, or friendship, or a few books here or there, or... Well, lots of stuff, but nothing like this!" she exclaimed, stretching over the table and getting right into the unicorn's face.

"There's a reason I named them last-"

"Whose character is this?!" Pinkie exclaimed, leaning against Twilight's face, eyes wide.

"Fine, okay. You can be a bard. Just, don't say I didn't tell you so, okay?" Twilight sighed, pushing Pinkie back to her place. Like elastic, she zipped right back as if she never left.

"You got it! I'll never, never say that you didn't tell me so! Except for that one! That one didn't count," Pinkie nodded, reaching forward with her mouth to grab a pencil to note her choice down.

"Do we -all- have to fight, dear?" Rarity asked, "I understand if that's part of it, but... eh. You know me. I prefer to talk my way out of deadly situations."

"You could always try to be a rogue," Twilight suggested with a shrug, "Like, one that focuses on talking her way out of fights, steals from the rich and gives to the poor sort of thing. I think you could pull that off really well!"

"A rogue with a heart of gold?" the white unicorn asked, considering it with a growing smile, "Twilight, of course! Oh, that's such a juicy role! Just think.. a... human... trapped in the throes of lower society, forced to live and work with the under-class, when... Ooh!... She uses her skills, cunning, and charm to infiltrate high society, stealing what she can to improve her station! Ahh! I love it!"

"Sound familiar?" Rainbow snickered, whispering over to Fluttershy, who was busy reading over the rulebook.

"Twi, what's the paladin all 'bout?" Applejack asked, leaning forward a little as she tried to get more comfortable on the beanbag.

"Oh! Great question! Paladins are holy warriors. They worship some sort of God, and they are dedicated to wiping out evil everywhere they go," Twilight smiled, nodding affirmatively.

"Shoot, I'll take it! Sounds like a rip snortin' good time," Applejack said, grabbing a pencil and marking that down on her sheet, "What makes 'em separate from fighters, 'cept for the whole religious aspect?"

"Well, you get all sorts of stuff you can do against evil," Twilight responded, leaning back as she tried to recall the specific aspects of that particular class, "Oh! And you get a warpony at around level five."

"...Ah what?"

"Wait, there are warponies in this game?" Dash exclaimed, looking appalled, "Why couldn't we play those?!"

"Well, it's not in the rules. And I'm making sure we're staying -very- close to the rules. War ponies are supposed to be special mounts for small paladins, and-"

"Ponies are pets? Oh, that's awful," Fluttershy said, speaking up a little bit.

"How barbaric!" Rarity chimed in.

"Yeah, who wrote up these rules in the first place?" Applejack asked.

"It's those crafty humans, I'm telling you! Somehow, they snuck their creepy book in here!" Pinkie blurted out.

"Hey! Just forget about the pony thing, okay?" Twilight added, blushing as she tried to keep order, "You can get a riding dog instead. Let's just... Move on. We're just gonna move on."

"How can you move on from-"

"MOVING ON!" Twilight yelled, standing up on her hooves and throwing her arms in the air. As soon as everyone else had quieted down, looking slightly intimidated by their host, the unicorn eased herself back down, blushing harder from the spike of embarrassment.

"Now, Fluttershy, I was thinking for you, maybe the druid?" Twilight said quietly to the yellow pegasus who was still reading.

"Oh, that sounds perfect. I was actually going to mention that, but I wanted everypony else to go first, so I waited," Fluttershy smiled, pointing to the section on druids, "I was just wondering, um, could I have maybe a little bunny rabbit for my companion? Instead of all those other animals, I mean. I'm sure they're nice, but, I would be a little more comfortable if my character had someone like Angel around."

"That'd be just fine," Twilight nodded, taking a big sigh of relief now that all of the races and classes were picked, "Now, if you'll all come to me one by one, we can work out all the gritty little details before we get to playing."

Over the next half hour, everypony came over to Twilight, one by one, to figure out the details of their newly created characters. The sound of little gemstones rolling across the table was echoed by the chitter-chattering sound of conversation between the best friends, each discussing their new, strange creations. Even Fluttershy was talking excitedly about her elven druid, focusing much more on the little bunny companion than the elf herself. However, throughout the proceedings, little Spike was simply nowhere to be found. Whatever he was up to, he was taking much more than his sweet time.

Eventually, after much discussion regarding particular rules, abilities, and the various other nuances of this brand new game, all of the ponies had reconvened at the table, sheets ready, interspersed with the occasional cupcake or glass of punch.

"Okay, before we start off, roll call!" Twilight announced happily, her voice practically brimming with excitement.

"Catapult the Strong, half-orc barbarian, ready to kick some major butt!"

"Twinkle Blorg, half-elf, half-orc, all musical and fantastical bard! Who's ready for a sing along?"

"I believe I'm next, yes? Underhood the Charming, human rogue with a dazzling sense of style."

"Y'all can call me Stouty Hart, halflin' paladin, worshiper of... What's that say? Bah-ham-mute?"

"...And I'm Ellie Lily, um, elf, druid... and I'm with Sprite, my little bunny rabbit."

"Perfect!" Twilight squeaked, clapping her hooves, "We're all set."