Pinkie Pie sighed as she opened the door to her home at Sugarcube Corner. Ponies were often surprised to hear that she lived in the bakery, as the cakes weren't related to her in any way. She had never meant to move in, but they had insisted that the fun-loving mare join their family. Pinkie suppressed a chuckle. If only they knew what happened to the others who called her family.
Pinkie blanched, wondering what had made her want to laugh. Was this brain going insane? That had happened before, her brain tearing apart at the seams, unable to withstand the pressure of Pinkie’s past lives in her memory. She knew it was impossible for a pony brain to contain so much information, and at times Pinkie wondered how most of her previous bodies were able to function with such overloaded brains. At other times she wondered how her consciousness was able to function after all of her horrible experiences. Pinkie’s mind returns to the day she killed her only true friend, the wonderful, wonderful Doctor…
o.0.o
Surprise slams her hoof onto the table. “No, no, no! For the last time Doctor, we don’t have the time for this!”
“Time?” He asks hysterically, “we have all the time in the world! We have more time than the world!” He reaches for the phone, intent on speaking with the princesses.
“You can’t risk everything for this stupid ‘possibility!’” Pinkie shouts as she bats the phone from his hoof.
“Risk everything? How is this risking everything? This is practically risk-free! They probably wouldn’t even know what I meant!” He looks into Surprise’s eyes accusingly, “you’re just being selfish.”
“I am definitely not being selfish! What if Celestia figured out what we were again? Remember what happened last time, when someone overheard us talking about the loops? We were hunted, relentlessly and ruthlessly, we were slaughtered, time and time again!” Surprise wiped at her eyes, angry that she couldn’t stop the flow of tears.
The Doctor paused, and then stated calmly, “Surprise, I felt that pain a million times more than you did. I felt not for myself, but for you. I love you, Surprise. Think about how hard it was for me to watch. They always killed you first. They made me watch, Surprise. They made me watch. My eyelids were peeled off, carefully, to make sure I could see what they did clearly, and I was forced to watch as they tortured you. You can’t honestly say you were hurt more.”
Surprise stopped crying and raised her head. “How dare you? You don’t think I love you too?”
The Doctor flinched, “I didn’t say that, I-“
“No,” interrupted Surprise, “you didn’t. You didn’t even think of how I felt. You never thought about me! All you can think about is you and your stupid dream! There is no way back! Do you hear me? Gallifrey fell, and there isn’t any way to bring it back! Even if you had your stinking TARDIS!” Surprise raised a tense hoof, but stopped herself before she swung it.
“Do it,” The Doctor said, a single tear rolling down his yellow cheek. He reached up his own hoof and stroked Surprise’s own fur, wiping a corresponding tear from her eye.
Another tear fell.
Another.
Each tear’s fall was somehow more heart wrenching than that of his home planet.
“I said do it,” The Doctor growled, “hit me. Hit me as hard as you possibly can. With all of your might, hit me!” He was hysterical. His hoof shaking he slapped Surprise across the face, once, twice, again. Each time he struck her, his two hearts lifted out of their deep, holes, but what they found was not heaven. It was a cold, hopeless, emptiness. His hearts reached a temperature colder than the vacuum of space. His chest contracted, and he cried, his salty tears crusting over his fur.
He hit her again and again, yet Surprise lowered her hoof. She refused to hit him back, and he hated her for it. He loved her and he hated her, and his confusion angered him more. He struck her tens, perhaps hundreds of times, and she simply stood and let him beat her.
“Dammit, fight back! Hit me; show me how much I’m hurting you! Don’t you want me to feel this pain?” The Doctor shook with rage.
Surprise looked him in the eyes, yet there was no pain in her orange eyes, only sadness and love. “Dear Doctor, I would never wish to add to your pain. I know that you are already in more pain than I could ever feel. You’ve been trapped, in a universe that isn’t even your own, endlessly living, without solace. The sweet kiss of death will never hold you; it can only peck at you, longingly. Do not despair, for you still have me, whatever solace I may be, and my kiss can hold you. I can kiss you for eternity, if that is your wish.” Surprise smiled in a sad way, and kissed him.
The kiss was tender, and they held it for the longest time, but as their lips parted both parties felt it was not enough. Surprise, breathing heavily, knew she had not satisfied the Doctor. The Doctor, face and eyes burning red, knew that she was right, although not about what mattered.
“Kill me then,” he whispered, “kill me,” he spoke louder this time, with much convection, “if you truly love me, you will let me die, even if only for a few moments.” Their eyes, locked in a staring contest, were filled with conflicting emotions. Both held love, but also betrayal. The Doctor carried in his eyes hatred and anger, while Surprise’s eyes held sadness and confusion.
“I can’t. I can’t kill the one I love. I-“
“Do it now or I’ll do it myself,” he pulled a knife from the counter, raising it to his throat.
Surprise hits the blade out of his hand, causing a small cut to appear on her foreleg.
She hit him. She finally hit him.
“Yes! Again!” The Doctor laughed. He picked the knife up, this time pointing it at Surprise’s shocked face. “Hit me! KILL ME! Let me escape!”
Surprise shook her head, “running away can’t help you. If all you do is run, you will eventually run out of new places to hide,” she looked down, refusing to look him in the eye.
“I said KILL ME!” He pressed the blade up to Surprise’s throat. Kill me dammit, or I’ll never speak to you again! I’ll find someone else, I always have!” Surprise only shook her head, tears never slowing. The Doctor shook harder. “Just do it!” He fumbled with the knife, wrapping Surprise’s hoof around it, holding it in place with his own. “It would be so easy. All you need to do is slice right across my throat,” his whispers made Surprise shiver, but she pulled away from him.
“You’re mad. I won’t let you put yourself through this,” She tried to pull her hooves away, but The Doctor’s grip stayed rock-solid, “Doctor, please,” she tried to beg, but her lover’s eyes were distant as he pulled his hooves towards himself.
“Goodbye Surprise. Forget about me. I don’t matter. I’m just a plaything of some greater power. Be happy without me, and don’t try to find me.” With those words he drew the sharp blade across his jugular, spilling blood across Surprise’s hooves, his own, and the floor.
o.0.o
Pinkie wiped a tear from her eye and entered the dining area of Sugarcube Corner. It was time to be cheerilisticaly happitastic and take the customers’ orders. She looked at the crowded patio, so full of colorful ponies, looking for a table without food served. As she scanned the crowd, she took note of all the cutie marks, in case there were any new ponies eating at the bakery today. To her shock, there was one cutie mark that she recognized, one she hadn't seen in hundreds of years. A wavy hourglass. An hourglass that could only mean one thing.
The Doctor had arrived in Ponyville.
She trotted over to his table, eyeing the scarved mare sitting across from him, her glasses slipping from the tip of her snout as she laughed hysterically. The Doctor looked up at Pinkie.
“Oh, hello, ma’am! How nice to meet you, do you happen to serve fish sticks here? Oh, and custard, you can’t have fish sticks without custard. Oh, what am I saying, of course you don’t serve fish sticks, this is a bakery. The very idea! I’m sorry, I- Ma’am? Ma’am, are you alright? Why are you crying?” He looked confusedly at Pinkie, “was it something I said?” He turned to his companion, “Wendy, was it something I said? I hope I didn't insult her bakery. I wasn't thinking, you don’t think I-“
“Doctor,” Pinkie whispered, “Doctor! It’s me, Surprise!” Pinkie’s face filled with a smile, a genuine smile like she hadn't had in years.
The Doctor shook his head, eyes widening, “no. No, I can’t- You’re not supposed to be here! You weren't-“
“Doctor?” Interrupted Wendy, “who is this? How do you know this… strange pony?” She grimaced when she saw The Doctors reaction to her words. “No, I just meant-“
Pinkie paid no attention to what The Doctor’s new companion said. It didn't matter; all that mattered was that The Doctor still refused to speak to her.
Pinkie galloped back inside and into her room, crying, and threw her apron at Mr. Cake when he tried to comfort her. Seeing that she was in no mood to talk about things, the store owner returned to his work.
o.0.o
The Doctor interrupted Wendy’s rant about not telling her things, “listen, she’s an old friend who I haven’t seen in a great many years, more than you could possibly imagine, give me a chance to talk to her about this.”
“Doctor! Get back here and explain what-” Wendy stared, slack-jawed as The Doctor ran off, leaving her alone at their table.
o.0.o
The Doctor pushed his way past Mr. Cake, turning to apologize, “sorry, I’m a friend of your waitress!” He didn't wait for the store owner to reply, and instead hopped up the stairs faster than should be ponily possible.
The Doctor pushed open Pinkie’s door slowly and sat down on the bed. He didn't know where in the room she was, but he could feel that she was in there somewhere. “I’m sorry, Surprise. I really am. I was wrong, so wrong, to let you go. I should never have- well; I shouldn't have done any of what I've done in the past loops. I've been a terrible friend. I killed myself right before your eyes, I shunned you, refused to speak to you, but worst of all, I let you believe that I didn't love you anymore,” he sighed, laying back on Pinkie’s bed to gaze up at the sticker-covered ceiling, “I understand that nothing I say now can take back what I've said and done, but just know that I do still love you, no matter what. I found the TARDIS, a few loops ago, and I even know how I could return to my own universe…” He paused, as if unsure of what to say next.
“Then why haven’t you left?” Pinkie’s voice wafted from somewhere in the room, though The Doctor couldn't tell where exactly.
“Because I couldn't leave without you.” A tear fell from his eye, splashing onto Pinkie’s purple and pink shag rug.
Pinkie pulled herself from under her bed, wiping her eyes with the back of a hoof. “Apology accepted.”