My Past Sins

by ryde55

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Human, Anthro, Main 6, Princess Luna, Original Character, Adventure
Length: 5931

He wasn't always this cold, there was a time were he was as happy as everybody else. Things change, people do to.

Before the war, before everything that's happened he was happy. Not the happy everyone says they are but genuinely happy. Going to Draconia helped shape him to who he is today but not many people liked the change. Things change, people do to.

Published 2013-12-02 14:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-11 23:16:03 UTC

Prologue

Sitting here watching the sunset reminds me of the times when I would be with all my friends but those are distant memories now. Even now her words still haunt me, how true they were, how even as the sounds of cannon fire, the cries of the crows waiting for the battle to finish so they can swoop down to eat their fill, I still worry about them even though they probably hate me for what I’ve done, what I had become to protect them. Those words....... “If you keep abandoning your friends pretty soon you won’t you won’t have any left.”. Her face as she said that, a face filled with disappointment and anger, it’s almost as if she felt...

A servant suddenly shows up disturbing my current train of thought “Here is your next assignment sir” bowing as he says this.

I nod my acknowledgement and he departs just as silently as he came. I slowly stand and make my way to my room to get all that I will need for this mission. It will be the same as the last one go behind enemy lines and either kill someone important or destroy something. Before I know it I'm looking at the sword that I used to carry with pride, as it was a gift from someone who is dear to me. I then put on the uniform I love and hate at the same time. It’s a pair of black pants matched with a dark blue shirt and close fitting jacket with a hood that hides my face and to complete it are a pair of dark riding boots. Once I have all that on I strap my katana to my back and head to where the rest of my team is stationed.

My second in command Moonbeam stands up when I enter along with everybody else as they know that we have another mission. Without a word they get prepared and stand in front of me for a debrief. I finally open the scroll telling me the finer details of this outing “We will be doing a double hit tonight. Taking out the general of the cannons and destroying one of the griffons main cannon factories, they are both located in the capital Monolith. Any questions?” They all shake their heads, wanting to get started so they can get back to their lives.

The five of us take to the night sky and start the flight to Monolith deep within griffon territory. As we fly I wonder how the dragons are doing on their front. The griffons are more technologically advanced than us or the dragons but I guess I can’t really call myself part of the nation I fight for. Us humans are a rare sight on the planet Equis, there is only ten of us now, more were planned to come here but the portal collapsed and the project was deemed a failure so the few us have been forced to deal with things no one should have to deal with, to counteract this the princess gave us certain advantages in society that normal people didn't get, for example if I wanted to go to another school wherever in the world I probably could’ve. This in turn angered the other citizens even more.

When the war broke out the program Shadow Legion went into action, it consisted of five people who would go behind enemy lines to aid the war effort with knowing that you wouldn’t get any help if you got stuck there. I was picked as captain and have watched a lot of fantastic people die. Me and the team have lost most of our humour and just do what we are told and then go our separate ways. That is what war does to people, if it doesn’t break you physically it breaks you mentally.
As we glide on silent wings toward our destination, we split into two groups me and Echo, from the marking on the arm of his jacket, head toward the fort where general mortar’s base of operation is. The rest fly toward the factory led by Moonbeam.

As Echo and I close in on the fort, the sounds of griffons at work drown out the little noise we might have been making. The wall closing in fast as we back wing to slow our approach and stop just before hitting it, almost as if we were the same person we stop beating our wings and grab onto the wall and begin climbing towards a window, which opens on silent hinges. Like the name of our team suggests we appear as shadows as we move through dark hallways, taking out guards when we can’t sneak past. Eventually we get to the room where the general resides, I slip inside as Echo keeps watch. I look at the face of someone who has killed hundreds of ponies, sleeping as if he has never seen the horrors of war. I slowly draw my sword looking at him with a look of disgust, as my blade falls glittering in the moonlight a explosion shakes the grounds, a bright flash in the window is soon replaced by the glow of flames. I calmly wipe the blood off my sword on his sheets, and meet Echo outside, then head back outside to meet up with the rest of the team where we split up, Moonbeam nods at me and we start the journey back to Canterlot to report another successful mission to princess Luna.

Luna along with her sister Celestia seem to be among the few who actually genuinely care about me. Laying in my bed thinking about the past probably isn't that good for someones health and is a liability on the battlefield. As I dream of a field and a girl with flowing silver hair and bright blue eyes, she is someone who I love with all my heart... Ellie, the dragon king’s daughter. I haven’t seen her since I was drafted into the Shadow Legion. Apart from the odd letter, we haven’t talked and I miss her more each day. Then the dream changes to something I have seen many times, the events leading up to me losing almost all of my friends, the only people who treated me like an equal, not a monster, a failed project or something along those lines. Sometimes I wish I could forget but it was some of the best memories, that I will hold close forever, even the ending helps me in it’s own way, it made me vow to never abandon anyone ever again and I’ve stuck to it.

It all started when I was called to the office in the Ponyville high school.....

Chapter 1

My breath came out in puffs in the morning chill as i make my way to another day of being bullied and doing the same things in school as I’ve been doing for a week, the only enjoyable part of it was seeing my six friends, they aren’t what you expect, I mean they have the same build except they are covered in fur and some even have a horn or wings, the rulers have both. I arrive and bump into Rarity “Oh why hello darling, I trust your walk to school was good.”

I fall into step beside her and say “It was as good as a walk to school could possibly be.” With a simple goodbye before parting to get to my locker to get the books I need for the next two periods, as I close the lockers door the bell rings, and I’m off to science. In science I meet up Twilight, who I partner with for the experiment, which was easy considering I had the smartest person I’ve ever met helping me, which meant I had a lot of time to kill after finishing way before everyone else.The next period was math, which nothing really interesting happened. At break I met up with Applejack, who told that we would have to kick it up a notch to beat the cold or we could lose a lot of apples. My favorite part of the whole day was next, gym, which I had with my friend Rainbow, her and I competed in just about everything except flying as I don’t have any wings.

Today was sprints, which turned into me and Rainbow racing and arguing over who was faster. The teacher just laughed and told us to relax. After that was was History, where I thought about how normal this day was and that I needed something to change it up a bit, At lunch I got what I wished for, when I was called to the office. All that was waiting was a secretary who handed me a scroll. I head back to the table in the cafeteria where my friends are waiting for me, once I get there I open the scroll and almost drop it in surprise, my friends are talking to me but there words are drowned out by my thoughts, when I start to pay attention, Fluttershy asks if I’m ok quietly as usual. I notice that the scroll has disappeared and reappeared in Twilights. She looks at me in shock while saying “ you applied for an exchange?”

“Yes I did, I want to see as much of the world as I can.” I say as I look at each of my friends seeing looks of shock, sadness,anger, and a congratulations from Applejack. Rainbow is asking why I didn’t tell them, Fluttershy is hiding behind her hair letting her more outgoing friends speak for her, Pinkie jumps up and down in excitement saying something about a going away and congratulations party along with some other stuff but you can never understand her when she talks fast before she runs off to do Pinkie stuff, Rarity and Twilight just look at me before Twilight asks “Why did you apply for an exchange to Draconia, of all the choices why there?”

Before I heard the answer to her question i was jolted awake by being shaken and someone saying my name, the person turned out to be Luna as a blearily looked around slowly getting feeling back to my body. I notice how scared Luna looked and instantly assumed something had happened, which I pointed out.

“No, you were yelling in your sleep and I heard it from my tower, where I was filling out forms for taxes, and such but this seems more important. What seems to be bothering you, and don’t lie because you know I will just find out next time you sleep.” She says smirking and I know from experience that she has access to the dream world and very few people have ever been given permission from her to enter. That is just one of the many things that the princesses are capable of that mortals can only imagine how much magic it takes to complete. The one I still have trouble believing is that they move the sun and moon. I then begin to tell her about how I have started to relive my past after I finally moved on and have used it as motivation to be as good as can be for one as dark and cold as I am.

She hands me two scrolls one that was obviously a mission but the other one looked like it was a personal letter because it had no royal seal. I opened the odd one first which soon fell from my hands in shock. Luna picked up the letter and read it out loud.

“Dear Arawn,
I know that we parted ways saying things that hurt both of us. Having to live with the things I said, treating you the way I did partly out of jealousy, partly out of anger that you enjoyed Draconia more than you did Ponyville. You may never know how much you meant to all of us, how you would do anything to help any of us even if meant you got hurt trying, when you went into that burning building to save a colt you didn’t even know we all couldn’t believe anyone could be that brave or stupid. Now instead of have to watch out for falling apples when you helped Applejack on the farm you have to watch out for falling bombs, instead of listening to Fluttershy to sing along to bird song you are listening to people screaming. I can’t put everything I would like to in this letter, so I would like you to come to Ponyville, so would everyone else. I know that you will probably be busy but if you have the time me and the rest of the girls will be having a picnic tomorrow. I hope you come...

Sincerely, Twilight

Luna looks at the letter in shock and then me as I calmly open the scroll containing the latest mission. As I finish reading it Luna says that she will tell Celestia that I will be in Ponyville tomorrow and walks out shutting my door as she leaves.

I finally get out of my bed,a tangle of soft white sheets, dark blue blankets and pillows. Stretching my light blonde wings wishing that they were black like they were thanks to magic when I was in my uniform, that way they would reflect my heart.

I walk down the halls illuminated by the pale moonlight to where the rest of my team is. Laughter and warm light spills out from the door left ajar, hating myself for interrupting their happy times. I walk in saying sorry for interrupting. I then go on to explain that we are going to free some of our and Draconia’s soldiers from a prison camp.

Looking down at the camp dark except for the fires in the towers surrounding the camp. Each tower holding one or two guards who will be replaced by the next shift. Thats when we will strike, no worries of the dead being discovered. The one bump in the plan is taking care of the rest of the guards who will either be in the mess getting food or sleeping in the barracks. I have planned for Shadow to go and take care of the barracks, she is very good at taking people down silently with either a knife to the throat or a arrow to the heart. Me and Echo will head for the mess while Moonbeam and Sunshine go free the prisoners.

Looking down into the mess from a roof access they carelessly left unlocked, I get what looked like a small rock from a pouch strapped to my side, it’s actually a rock but it’s imbued with a spell that whenever it’s tapped twice by me and thrown it creates a smoke screen after a few seconds. Dropping one down creates a panic which makes it easy for Echo and I to jump down unnoticed. Many people think that swordplay is elegant and beautiful, which may be true but here in the battle with the screams of death, blood, and smoke it is anything but. Another body falls to my feet it’s head a few feet away, I look up to see a monster of a griffon who must stand at least 6 feet tall wielding a massive broadsword that he swings as if it weighs nothing promising nothing but death if you get in his way. As our swords meet time seems to slow down, everything seems clearer. Backflipping to avoid being sliced in half a million different possible ways to kill him, from quick painless ones to agonizingly slow ones go through my head. Getting a cut on my arm and leg I get inside his guard and cut off his left hand, blood spraying everywhere, the light flashing off the drops, in a word breathtaking. he crumples to the ground crying out in agony, before his body slumps to the blood soaked floor, wiping my blade off on his shirt before walking out.

I walk out to find dragons and ponies walking to where they will be picked up and transported to the capital, escorted by my team and led by moonbeam, who’s doing a fantastic job as usual. The rest of my team talk to people who ask them questions like “Are you the Shadow Legion?” or “Did the five of you really kill all of those guards?” Many of them either seem to think that we are invincible or are lying. We aren't invincible but because of the insane amount of training we went through, we are force to be reckoned with but can still be taken down or captured, which would be worse than death as we will receive no aid from Equestria and be branded traitors if they were asked for ransom, basically you’re screwed if you get caught.

The airship that was used to transport everyone flags were tattered, the paint faded and chipped, all in all it looked as if it shouldn't be flying.It finally arrived at the capital just as the sun was rising, five blacks shapes flying towards the castle. After giving my report to the princesses over a meal and quickly grabbing a change of clothes, stuffing them in a bag, I was back in the air my destination Ponyville.

Looking at it from a hill a bit away from the town, it still looked the same as when I left the quaint houses surrounding the village center where merchants sell everything under the sun, at the edge of the town a sprawling apple orchard where some of the best apples you will ever taste are grown, there is also whitetail woods and the Everfree forest, which many people fear and avoid going near it, apart from Fluttershy whose house is near the edge so she can care for any injured animal that might need help.

Landing in front of Twilight's library I open the door to see no one, deciding to wait I start browsing the books lined up on the shelves. I turn when I hear footsteps, which belong to a dragon that looks to be in his teens. When he sees me he grabs a broom beside the door he came out of, yelling “Stay away you monster!”. Seeing the broom handle coming towards me my military training kicks into gear. Hitting the broom away and out of his grasp I simultaneously sweep his legs out from under him and grab the knife strapped to my leg. Pressing the knife to his neck “Really you’re going to assault a captain in the equestrian military?”. He starts to stammer a reply before I’m blasted off him by a ball of magic sent by none other than Twilight herself “Stay away from him you monster!”. I guess I do look like a monster straight from hell itself because of the magic in my uniform. It causes my appearance to change to make myself scarier, which are fangs and my eyes turn blood red.

I stand up and see a hole with burnt edges where the magic hit me, before looking back at Twilight and taking off my hood “He’s a little a young for you don’t you think Twilight?” A smirk on my face. She gasps “You actually showed up but why are you covered in blood?”

“I just finished up my latest assignment, so I’m free till tonight, but really who is this ignorant dragon?”giving him a look”I have never met a dragon who would try to harm someone close to the royal family.”

“Spike has lived with me most of his life, he helps me around the library.” helping him off the floor and dusting off his clothes.

“Does he at least know draconian? Wait never mind I’m hungry so it can wait. I will change then we can head to where ever you want.”. That said I took my ruined jacket and shirt off before pulling out the clothes I brought with me stopping when I hear twilight gasp, probably from seeing all the scars and wounds I have all over my body. Putting a white shirt on then the leather jacket I got from a friend. Slinging the strap of my sword's scabbard across my chest so my sword is resting on my back, Twilight and I walk in silence outside.”So where are we going?” Twilight doesn't reply, probably thinking about how messed up my body is. I just follow her in an awkward silence until we reach the house of the person who used to be my best friend but because of all that's happened, she won’t even look at me...

Chapter 2

Twilight knocked politely before opening the door and stepping inside, me a few steps behind her hesitating as I reach the open door that leads to a place I haven’t seen in three years. Bracing myself I step through the door to see that the store hasn’t changed apart from the little decorations Rarity’s added after becoming the owner. Rarity walks out “Hello darling, how are….” the rest of her sentence dies on her lips when she sees me “What is he doing in my shop?” her voice cold as ice.

“Well….I..I thought that I would invite him to the picnic we are having today to say sorry for all the harsh things we said to him.” Twilight says weakly. “I’ll just wait outside while you two talk.” the door closed softly behind her

I lean against a wall “Guess Twilight lied about everyone wanting to see me ,I probably wasn’t actually invited to the picnic.” I sink to the floor and decide that I will tell her why I joined the military “I know that me joining the military wasn’t something you wanted and I lost almost all of my friends because of it. I had a few reasons to join, the first was it was a way to protect the people who I cared about even if they do hate me, the second was I got wings something I always wanted, since you were my best friend you would know this.” I continue almost whispering “At first I was joining as a regular soldier but I got offers from Celestia and Luna to join different special forces groups, one being the wonderbolts, the other the Shadow Legion which I joined.” I close my eyes waiting for her to yell, call me a liar, anything.

Nothing, she said nothing, I open my eyes to see her looking at me in shock. She decides to speak “So this group, the Shadow Legion is a group that no ones ever seen only heard of, it’s never been actually confirmed if it’s real or not. Even if you say you’re part of this group you could be actually sitting at the castle doing nothing.” she stops when she sees me taking off my jacket to see blood spots on my shirt since I forgot to bandage my wounds, taking off my shirt hissing in pain as it rubs against the cuts. Once my shirts off my scarred body is on display to the world and all Rarity does is gasp at how my body is covered in scars, some even go across my entire chest or back, my arms aren’t as bad as the rest of my body because they are usually always moving.

“I have had major magic surgery three times, if I hadn’t I either would be dead or unable to move a part of my body,” I said while wrapping my wounds” and I don’t want your sympathy if thats what you think, I couldn’t care less if you feel bad for me. Personally I wouldn’t have ever talked to any of you again but I got a letter from Twilight and Luna thought that I should go and so far it hasn’t been the most enjoyable I got attacked by Twilight and some kid named Spike, thanks to Twilight I will need to get almost a completely new uniform. Now where is the picnic going to be because I haven’t ate since breakfast yesterday.”

Rarity opens and closes her mouth a few times before replying “ We are having the picnic near moon lake, you won’t be able to miss it but wait Finn I want to say I’m sorry, I didn’t know that you went through so much just to protect people who seemed like they hated you. I would never be able to do that.”

“Thank you Rarity for everything you’ve said, I will see you at the picnic.” I say while putting on my jacket not bothering to put the ruined shirt back on instead putting it with the rest of my ruined clothes. I bow slightly towards Rarity then head to the door, nodding to Twilight as I close the door. The awkward silence continuing between us as we head towards where the picnic is “I will meet you there Twilight” I say before flying off towards moon lake before veering off to the outskirts of the everfree forest where I did some of my training, it’s part of the reason why my team and I work so well together. Deciding I have done enough reminiscing, I turn and start my way back towards the lake.

Landing in the forest surrounding the lake I watch as they have fun and chat like only the best of friends can, even my team acts like this sometimes but it’s just to cover up how they really feel after seeing everything that we have. Nothing you hear on the radio or through someone else seems real till you experience it yourself. I hesitate at the edge of the forest not wanting to ruin this perfect moment, before Twilight pushes me into the clearing where all movement had stopped, it was as if time had stopped.”Twilight I’m obviously not welcome here so I think I will leave besides I wasn’t really hungry anyways.”

Just then Rarity walks up “Nonsense dear, you said you haven’t eaten since breakfast yesterday and I’m sure everyone wants to say sorry for what they said.” Her statement was met with angry no’s from Applejack and Rainbow Dash, silence from Fluttershy and Pinkie, and Twilight nodding her head in agreement to what she said.

Suddenly Pinkie points to the path leading through the forest yelling something about monsters but she was talking way too fast to understand her. I just put a hand to my head saying “Guys, what did I say about coming here wearing your hoods. The four of them walk up pulling down their hoods as they go, revealing the smiling faces of my team.

Moonbeam was the first to talk “Cap, heres a letter from the princess and we have tonight and tomorrow night off. We are going to the Gala.”

Rainbow walks up with a smirk on her face “So are you like Finns whore or something because if you are I would find someone else he’s kind of a weakling.” She might have kept going if she wasn’t on the ground with a knife against her throat.

“Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have no wings because if you say anything else about our captain I’m sure Shadow here would like to hear you scream as she cuts them off.” a vicious smile on her face. She turns her head in confusion when I put my hand on her shoulder, shaking my head. She understands and gets off of Rainbow, who gets up and is clearly in shock of how fast she was taken down and subdued.

Applejack walks up looking furious “ How dare ya attack ma friend, I don’t care if ya are the princess herself no one hurts ma friend and get away with it.”

I raise my voice slightly “ I have a message from celestia so everybody better listen.” The arguing stopped as everybody wants to hear what she had to say.

Everyone will be receiving a ticket for the gala which I hope all of you will attend, this year will be a bit different, I won’t be giving away to ruin the surprise.
Princess Celestia

Dear Arawn,
I hope the picnic is going along great even if it isn’t you will be attending the gala me and Luna both are looking forward to seeing you in formal attire ;)
Princess Celestia

For obvious reasons I only read the first part out loud. Walking over to where the food was I picked up a sandwich, Aj walks up and tries to take it back saying “ those are for ma friends, you can’t have one.”

I walk away saying “Thanks for the sandwich Aj they're just as good as I remember. Alright team let’s practice here since there’s no point in flying back to Canterlot to practice. We are going to do something different today, we will be doing it tournament style Echo and Blaze will fight, then moonbeam and Shadow, the winners of those two fights will fight, the winner of that will fight me.

Rainbow suddenly speaks up “Aren’t those swords banned in Equestria, I heard if you have one you go straight to jail no questions asked.”

I nod “That is true but the dragons and us are the exceptions to that law, the dragons because it’s the only sword they use and we are exempt from it because it was the sword we trained with before the ban and we are under the command of a princess.” I notice Echo and Blaze stretching while Moonbeam and Shadow sit on the ground waiting for the match to start. I walk over to them and sit down a few feet away which proves pointless as Shadow sits down right beside me and puts her head on my shoulder.

I met shadow when I was on vacation and visits some of my friends in Canterlot, she was getting beaten up in an alley because she was an orphan, being me I couldn’t just pretend like nothing was happening I ended up rushing to help getting a couple of bruises in the process. Only after did I notice the girl I saved was looking at me with deep purple eyes from behind long black hair, she was wearing worn clothes and seemed pretty hungry. I asked if she wanted to come get something to eat with me, she just nodded. After ordering, she starts to talk in a whisper almost as if I might hit her for speaking “You’re one of those humans right, thanks for saving me. My names Sh..Sh...Shadow.” she takes a deep breath to calm herself.

I smile and introduce myself trying to be as polite as I can so I don’t scare her, I eventually got her to open up more during my stay in Canterlot, Celestia even let her stay a night in the castle when I told her about Shadow, I never saw Shadow smile that much ever. Eventually I had to go back to school but promised that I would meet her the next time I was in Canterlot. When I joined the military so did she, when I got drafted into the Shadow Legion so did she. Even now when theres a thunderstorm, she comes to my room because she's terrified of them.

I see Moonbeam and Echo glaring at us, I can understand why I mean Shadow is pretty hot. I give the signal to begin and as they begin to cross blades, all of the people who shunned me jaws dropped at the sight of light dances of the twirling blades as the swordsmen twist, flip, pushing their bodies to their limit trying to outdo the other.

Echo winning in the end, he was always the better swordsman, Blaze is better at knife work not as good as Shadow but no one can outdo him when it comes to explosives. Like I predicted Moonbeam won the match but not without Shadow getting a few hits in thanks to her extensive knowledge of knife work.

The next fight was way more intense than the first two, the movements faster yet somehow more graceful, it seemed if they had perfect control over their bodies, something that a lot of people only wish they had. Moonbeam won in the end but I could tell that this was a good workout judging by how sweaty everyone was. I stood up patting Shadow’s head before taking my jacket off and handing it to her.

Standing in front of Moon, seeing the determination in her eyes. As soon as she sees the signal her blade becomes a blur, time seems to slow as I block her blade and twirl out of the way before starting to attack just as aggressively as her. Everyone watches in complete fascination as our blades clash. I manage to get inside her guard when she swings at me from the left leaving her legs exposed, swiping her legs out from under her causes her to let go of her sword leaving her defenseless against the sword pressed to her neck.

I stand up before grabbing Moon’s hand and helping her up, I walk over to Shadow to get my jacket back but she had put it on sometime during my fight. Her smile fades when she notices I didn’t put anything back on “Why aren’t you putting your uniform jacket back on?” she says looking at me through her bangs

“I would but it has a giant hole from when I was hit with a ball of magic.” I say while shrugging like it doesn’t matter.

Her eyes get a dangerous glint and she turns to the girls “So which one of you hurt him?” her voice promising pain and suffering. Twilight hesitantly steps forward “So you tell him to come here so you can apologize but attack him instead.” Shaking her head she walks towards me grabs my hand saying that we are going back to the castle to see if the backlash from the magic breaking on my uniform affected me, the rest of my team follow silently behind.

When we got back to the castle, we were sent to the tailor to get measured…..again, it wasn’t very fun especially since the tailor enjoyed molesting me every chance she got. After that we went and sat around a table talking, playing board games, whatever we could think of to pass the time.

I watched the sky being light up at random intervals from lightning followed by the boom of the thunder, Shadow opens my door silent except for the soft noises of her feet hitting the floor. She got under my sheets holding me as tightly as she could, whispering “I don’t want to lose you, you made me want to live again, gave me something to look forward to that no one could take away from me.Arawn te amo.(Finn I love you)”

After that the storm died down leaving a sleeping Shadow in my arms, I laid down and closed my eyes her perfume reminding me of the one I bought for her birthday. With that pleasant thought in my head I drifted off to sleep.

As I got off the airship I noticed…..

Author's Note

Well here's another chapter. I'll try to update as much as possible but with school and everything else I don't have a lot of time to write.
Till next time,
ryde55