Radio Hoax

by Nordenfelt

Rating: everyone
Tags: DJ P0N-3, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Random
Length: 2475

Aliens come down, having picked up a radio frequency which they noticed had a lot of listeners that were females. Too bad these aliens have some wrong intentions from a couple of decades ago.

Vinyl was hoping for a quiet night of loud rock and roll but it just has to be that aliens come down that night. Instead of a night of working in her radio station, she fails to get help from her listeners.

Published 2013-12-07 00:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-07 00:20:02 UTC

And it's so easy being evil.

"Well, that was Iron Mare's new single 'Filly of The Damned' congrats to those guys for writing another kick-ass song!" Vinyl shouted down the mic, spinning around on her chair; a silent party going on.

All around her switches, buttons, bigger switches, some smaller buttons, record players and a stack of records next to the control panel that held all the switches and buttons.

In the 'radio'  room, rock and roll posters hung from the walls, dubstep records hung with masses amounts of radio equipment around them.

"Well, this is still Devil's Maiden at 6.66, now one for the ladies." She smirked,hovering a hoof over the records. "Sorry guys, we'll see to you later." She jokingly pouted, seeing she had finally found a record, she shot her hoof in to grasp at it. When her hoof resurfaced after a few long seconds of rustling around for it and telling the listeners about whatever she could think of to keep them occupied until she found it.

She pulled out a record and made a gagging gesture, hoping it didn't pick up on the mic. "This is... After Loved Tomorrow by The Desired."

She pulled the record form it's casing and placed it on the player, span it as a bit of a host tradition. As she placed the needle down, she got up as quiet as possible, hoping that her more 'sensitive' fans didn't start riots over nothing. As the ironic guitar started to play, she let into the mic and said;

"I'm going to catch forty few winks while the song plays, see you later."

She moved from the chair to the radio room door, admiring her posters and records without even thinking. She pulled the door too and went to the small kitchen in the, as she called it, 'the radio high shack' making fun of a new trend the Pegasi came up with 'the mile high club'.

In the kitchen, she grabbed herself a bottle of lemonade and a cupcake she had been saving from a little Pinkie Pie party a few weeks ago.

The cupcake was called "The Blue Rock Bluster" and was completely covered in blue icing with lighter blue sprinkles with blue dyed sugar. Vinyl couldn't remember what the party was about but she could remember Pinkie going on and on to every pony about some yellow raincoat she got.

No idea why it's blue but it's Pinkie... So. She gulped about a quarter of the bottle in only a few seconds and belched so loud that she scared herself slightly. Vinyl demolished the cupcake after a few seconds of quietly giggling about her belch, then she drank another quarter of the lemonade and put the bottle back in the cupboard and throw the cupcake wrapper into the bin.

Woo, how much sugar can you pump into something that small?

She got back to the radio room door and opened to it to hear the last few love strangled note of the guitar, breathing a small relief. As she timed a small jump over the controls back into the chair, she waited until there was the worst guitar riff of all time but it was good for one thing, covering up the greatest stunt preformed by radio host ever.

As it started, she launched herself into the air, over the controls, grazing the record player and Landing in the middle of her chair as the guitar died away.

She mentally suited up for getting back into her radio self and gave a small shout into the mic. "Well, your disc jockey is back from her deep sleep; hoping your gentle-colts and Mares are having a great time, sorry if if you aren't one of those but you don't show up. It's about quarter past five, we still got time!"

A radio host vague joke, just one of the many ways you get out of a situation on Radio!

Vinyl smirked at thinking of the listeners starting dumbfounded at their radios, wondering what in Celestia's good name is going on.

"Now for a bit of irony, we got 'record scratched' by Destroyed. Hopefully, they wrote an actual song and didn't scratch them all." Vinyl span the record around in her hooves, keeping a slight smile the whole time.

She put the record down onto the player, span it and put down the needle. After it started to play, Vinyl was going to give her usual few words before some songs, "well, your record jockey is going to be quiet for a while, her favourite jam is about to kick in."

But as soon as the singer started to sing 'Well, I'm sorry, I kinda scratched it." in it's usual more upbeat alternative rock style, Vinyl's eyelids began to feel heavy, she yawned, covering her snout with her hoof. The yawn was probably loud enough to pick up on the microphone:

Well... Sleepy time, odd time to kick in laziness.

She woke up with a shot, smashing her hooves to the ground in a panic. It caused such a loud noise that the record picked the vibrations and wobbled.

"Wauuh?" She gave out that little yelp but it sounded more like a zom-pony waking up from a deep sleep. "Wow," she gave off a tired surprise as her mind and eyes tried to get balance with each other. "What time is-" She got a glance out the window and noticed it was the dead of night. "How in- THE RECORD!" That record must of been playing for over three hours! her mind screamed, she flipped the needle too quick and it made a loud record scratch. Damn irony.

She moved into the microphone and said "sorry listeners or listener, I don't know if any of you are awake but I'm sorry," she held up the record up to see the massive scratch down it looks like a griffin tried to kill it. "It won't happen again."

She hit the mic away from her, it span on it's crane to hang over the other side of the control panel. "Wooooowwww.... I wonder what caused me to sleep that deep? Even a cat half way across town could make me up but I slept through three hours of my favourite song." She thought out loud, holding her hoof to her forehead, looking strained of thought.

As she thought over and over in her head about what she what knocked her out or caused her to fall asleep immediately. As she thought and thought, three huge white lights shattered the dark sky; blinding Vinyl, she held her hoof up, trying to protect her eyes. After a few seconds of staring at a white hoof with white engulfing it like fire from the back, the lights dimmed to an only annoying level.

Then a light leaf green dot appeared in the middle of the lights, she held down her hoof and titled her head to this side. Her glasses slipped slightly, causing her right eye being half normal and half purple tinted, she tapped it to the right and pushed it back, keeping it in place.

Then the green light blew up, covering the whole shack. Vinyl's mind felt it had been dumbed down to the point of a newborn.

Thinking pink thing stop work now.

Then her legs gave way.

"Errrgh." She gave out an annoyed and slightly pained groan, meeting her gaze with the floor.

Then there was a knock at the door, Vinyl got up from floor, another knock came from the door, she shuck her head around, hoping that her vision would see straight. Another knock, she pulled the radio room door and descended the radio high shack to the front door. As soon as she was about to ask 'who is it?' Or, more realisticly, 'GO AWAY! DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?!' The knocking stop, replaced with a sound that mimicked bugs running with slime on their legs.

Stupid fillies, how are they still awake? Their parents need to be a bit more ordering.

She walked back up the wooden stairs, a lot slower then before, having her head constantly down for the entire trip up with  '$&^@#' constantly going around her mind, over and over, spinning and spinning.

When she reached the top of the stairs, she made a tired dash to an armchair sitting near the radio room and as soon as her back hit, she fell asleep again.

Stupid night, stupid fillies, stupid... She yawned. Stupid brain.

Wake up!

"Ergh?"

Wake up!

"Erhhh!"

No, just wake up!

"Mmmpppphhhh erhhh errpphhh!"

For- just wake up! This isn't a how many swears you can fit into one groan contest, just get up!

"Fiiiiiiiinnnnneeeee..." Vinyl groaned, leaning forward, her back was stiff and rigid. She got out the chair with a mighty crack from her spine, releasing some pressure and after the pressure, the 'clock in the early morning' face became one you would see in a Stereotype of a Jam-estrian after some 'smoke' has cleared.

She scanned the area in a half daze and noticed something; the stairs were muddied, dirt sprayed everywhere.

Oh Celestia! Some-ponies been in my house! They could of done any- hold on.

Vinyl looked down at her hooves and, sure as the sun is yellow, there was dirt hammered into the bottom of her hooves. She gave a sigh of both relief and  a part that said 'I'm the stupidest creature on the planet'.

Explains the dirt, but why would I scatter it? Mmmmm... Meh, I was half asleep, I probably did it th-

A large smash came from the front door, as Vinyl raced over and looked down the stairs, she only saw fragments of glass and a shape that matched nothing she had ever seen. Vinyl dashed into the radio room and locked in, curling up just to the side of the door. The radio room had no glass except for a square in the door but she was too horrified to want to look.

Then she heard it, the sound of bugs walking with slime on their feet...

The sound from the door! Oh dear god! I got to get a look...

Vinyl created a little magic puff and a small periscope dropped from it. Setting one of the lens through the keyhole, she closed an eye and looked in. She saw the whole shack and nothing else but the sounds were still there.

Hold on... what was?

There was a few slight shimmers going around the room. One of the shimmers went over to the armchair and picked up one of the pillows.

What the hell is it doing?

The simmer picked up a bit and moved it forwards, backwards, round and round. It was examining the coin, probably thinking it was food or a tradition.

Who knows what they are thinking?

She let forward slight more and tripped slightly, hitting the the periscope against the keyhole making a slight gonging sound.

This is going to get ugly real fast. This radio job is getting worse by the minute.

After she made her hiding place vulnerable, angry grunts sounded from outside the room.

"Euuurrrrhhh?"

"Erhuhhhgh!?"

"ERGH! EUUURGH!"

"Mpph eegghhh?"

"Mpeh pppeeggghh?"

"Mph mph, mpph eegghhh?!"

"Mmmpphhhh, mh-pm."

The slimy bug sounds moved towards the door and a few knocks sounded then a few grunts.

"I don't understand you!"

"Mph?"

"I don't understand you!"

"Mppph?" It said to one of the others.

"Mpphphmm?"

"Mmmppphh."

"Mhp-mh!"

There was a rhythmic knock on the door and a small piece of something under the door. It was a sort of dark green and had some wires, not on it, but somehow inside it. Vinyl look a peak through the keyhole and noticed one of the three shimmers see her eye, it scratched, what you thought, was it's head and then starting to point at the general area of Vinyl's ear. She looked down at the thing again and noticed it had cut out dots all the way down the middle.

She ripped it in half with her magic and stuffed it in her ears and yelled out the door.

"I've done it... The weird paper thing..."

"I told you it would work! Suck on that!" One of the aliens shouted, having the voice of a sixteen year old.

"Oh, shut it, you fool!" This one sounded more older, more wiser and more... Angry. "Pony, can you hear us?"

"Yeah! What do you want?!"

"We need to," this third voice, again, was older then the first but seemed more bouncy and filly-like. "Use your radio frequency to steal your-"

A huge clasping sound was heard from the other side of the door, it wasn't loud but it was huge somehow.

"Sorry," the second one started again. "We actually need your six point six six radio frequency to call home."

"And them we can steal their-" the sound was a bit like a ball being struck at six miles per hour.

"So, 'we' can get home!"

"Why should I believe you?"

"Alright fine! We are trying to steal your women, ok?!"

"But I'm a mare... How does that work?"

"We're going to steal you later." The first said.

The second spoke, "why did you tell her that we weren't stealing their women?"

"Because," the second shouted. "Firstly, I got you telling them that we are!" Vinyl couldn't see them but she could tell he was sticking whatever passed as a hoof right in his friend's face. "Secondly, remember the trouble with Scotland? We got only one!"

"Scotland?" Vinyl shouted out the door.

"Another planet, shaved apes wear skirts." The second shouted, giggling slightly at every word.

"Ummmm.... okay?... I guess?" A grin grew across her face as she hatched a plan. "So, you want my radio frequency?"

"Yes, if you may; that would be very nice." The second said. Probably bowing like a sucker.

"Ok, hold on..." Vinyl smirked. bunch of fools.

As the aliens waited, tapping their 'hooves' away, Vinyl conjured up a few lumps of hay. Staying right she was, trying not to make the slightest sound, she scattered the hay around the room, spreading it from edge to edge. When the hay was evenly divided, Vinyl levitated a record from the pile, one of her favourites and put in on the record; leaving the needle at a slow descent downwards. She slowly got up, only creating a few creaks and groans, she went over to the window and readied up.

As soon as the needle hit vinyl, she set the hay ablaze and jumped from the shack. As she landed, rolled,  shuck herself off and started to walk; the flaming inferno and the crackling behind her was brought together by screams of pain and agony with the mix words of 'and it's so easy being evil'.