Happy Thanksgiving, Twilight!

by electreXcessive

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Slice of Life
Length: 5041

Twilight Sparkle is tasked with preparing the royal Thanksgiving feast. Unfortunately, she's not all that great of a cook...

Most would say Thanksgiving is a time for relaxation, time with family, and happiness.

For Twilight Sparkle, however, it's a time for panic. The princesses and Shining Armor are coming over for dinner, and it's not even ready! To make matters worse, Spike is asleep.

Will Twilight be able to make this Thanksgiving one to remember? Or will it burn, like hay bales of Thanksgivings past?

Author's Note: In the spirit of Thanksgiving, this was a collaborative story between myself, IceboxFroggie, LivingLie, Tinq, and TheExhaustedBrony. Each of us wrote a different portion. This fic was edited by my good friend Eagle Heart.

Published 2013-12-03 02:00:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-03 02:00:03 UTC

Crash and Burn

“Oh, Spike!” Twilight looked around the room at the decorated tapestry, admiring the work that she and Spike had done so far. Yellow, red, and light brown banners, lengths of fabric hung about the room, and a large table had been placed in the center of the banquet hall. Cups were laid out, and silverware was placed at each seat. There were exactly enough sets for her brother, Cadence, Celestia, Luna, Spike, and herself.

“Spike! I need your help, please!” Twilight’s call was immediately followed by the sound of scampering claws. Twilight smirked and let out a small chuckle. Wow. That was a pretty quick response time! Usually it takes him a whole minute!

The sounds of wheezing and panting filled her ears as Spike came running around the corner, only to fall face-first over a fold in the red rug on the floor. He let out a small cough and lifted his head from the floor, struggling to catch his breath. His bloodshot eyes pleaded for mercy, but he still held a polite smile on his face. His whole body quivered with exhaustion.

“Y-yes, Twilight? W-what do you need?” The shaking in his lower region increased dramatically as he rose to his feet, giving Twilight a light salute. He wobbled back and forth in place as if he were blown by some invisible wind, and his eyes were glazed over with a thousand-yard-stare.

Twilight winced at the unhygienic appearance of her number one assistant. A gentle smile donned her face. Wow… He’s been working so hard tonight, hasn’t he? I’d better make sure I remember to get him a treat. She slowly trotted over to Spike and gave him a reassuring pat on the back.

“It’s okay Spike, you did well tonight. I just need to go over the checklist with you to make sure that we’re all done with everything.” Twilight pulled a small scroll out from under her wing and let it drop. The scroll rolled out, and continued to roll down the hallway as Spike just stared in awe.

“Let’s see here… I’ve already checked off most of it, but… Have you cleaned the table and the chair leggings? Wiped the counters?” A nod from Spike caused her to cross those items off of her list, a small grin appearing on her face. “Good work! I didn’t even need to tell you about those! I’ll make sure I’ll get you an extra ruby the next time I visit Rarity.”

Spike nodded idly, not even noticing the fact that Twilight had mentioned going to Rarity’s without him. He simply stared straight ahead with that haunting glazed over look of his, causing Twilight to shiver slightly. At least there were only a few more items that she needed to check off.

“You got the cups… Set out the chips… Prepared all the plates and silverware… Well, that seems to be about everything, Spike! Good work! You’ve been a really big help!” Twilight patted Spike on the back once more and smiled to him. Her nostrils flared open as she noted the musky scent of sweat and hard labor on his body, and the caustic smell of various cleaning supplies. She gagged.

“Ew! Spike! You can’t be coming to dinner looking and smelling like that! Go take a shower and a nap, right now!”

The drake didn’t need to be told twice. The moment the words left Twilight’s lips, he jumped up and plodded up the stairs at a pace that would make Rainbow Dash jealous. Twilight shook her head. She couldn’t blame him for wanting to get out of the room before she’d changed her mind and called on him for a million other chores, but she couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that she had just been swindled.

“That dragon sometimes… Just what am I ever going to do with him?” Twilight shook her head and giggled as she heard the loud plop of his exhausted body against the luxurious palace bed. She wiped her hooves together and sighed.

Now that all of that is over, it’s time to triple check everything. Might as well be safe! Twilight chuckled to herself as she turned around and began to make her way throughout the banquet hall.

As Twilight strolled about in her sanctuary, she couldn’t help but admire the work that had been done. The theme was perfect. The decorations were set perfectly in position at the top of the rafters—no small feat, considering her inexperience with flying. In no time at all her parents would come by and congratulate her on the beautiful aesthetics. Then Princess Celestia would follow suit and praise her for the lavish decor and wonderful meal…

Twilight blinked as she stared at the table. Something was off about it. The plates were there. The cups were there. The silverware was—

Twilight blanched as she suddenly realized what was wrong, her face becoming as white as a ghost. It was so obvious, and yet she had missed it. Fussing over all of the small details, she had missed the most important part of the day. The startling empty table that had just moments ago filled her with pride now seemed daunting and insurmountable.

“Oh my Celestia, I forgot the meal!” Twilight squealed in agony. Her breath came short and ragged as she struggled to keep her composure. Even if she had forgotten the most important part of the day, she was still a princess, and had a duty to stay calm and collected in order to solve the problem. So she did what came naturally. She ran around in frantic circles, ranting to the air.

“What I am I going to do? if I don’t get the food out then no pony will eat; if no pony eats then they’ll all go hungry; if they go hungry and starve they’ll die; if the princess dies she can’t raise the sun; if she can’t raise the sun Equestria will fall under total darkness; if Equestria is in total darkness all organic life will cease to be!” Twilight collapsed to her haunches and buried her face in her hooves. Small trickles of tears began to make their way down her face, piercing the otherwise silent atmosphere as they impacted the floor.

Twilight’s fear gripped her heart. She tried to think of an idea how to get out of the situation but her mind was too clouded by panic and fear. The only thing that did go through her mind was to call her number one assistant. But as her hoof moved to her snout she remembered the sacrifice that Spike had to make, and how unfair it would be to ask any more of him. That, and he was almost impossible to wake up after he’d fallen asleep after being so exhausted.Her muzzle drooped towards the ground, hope being drained from body like water from a bucket with a hole.

Then it hit her.

“I’m an alicorn now! I can’t let this defeat me. With the fate of Equestria on my back, I won’t let anypony down.” Twilight stood up and placed a hoof against her heart, turning to her right to give the kitchen a determined glare. Twilight made off to the kitchen, her hooves echoing the determination she held in her heart.

As she burst through the kitchen doors, she stopped to admire the space before her. There were various pieces of cutlery strapped to a metal magnet above the ovens against the wall opposite from her. Bags of potatoes lay against the large counter in the middle, as well as several other types of vegetables in their own special labeled bags. Unfortunately for her, the cook had been sent home along with the rest of the staff.

Alright, Twilight. It’s going to be fine. Deep breaths. Just take deep breaths… Need to think… Twilight paused in her tracks and took a series of deep, dragging breaths. Slowly, her breathing patterns began to steady, and rational thought returned to her, if only slightly. Okay. So, what do I make first? I don’t know how to cook very well, but… Something easy and simple… Something that can be done fast…

“That’s it! Mashed potatoes!” Twilight rushed over to the bag of potatoes and grabbed several of them from the bag. As she placed them on the counter, it became readily apparent to her that the potatoes were not peeled, and that she would have to do the skinning herself. She sighed as her horn lit up, opening the drawer and grabbing the peeler laying on the top of everything inside.

Taking the potatoes over to the sink, she washed them thoroughly to make sure that the outsides would be clean and there would be no dirt or grit in the mashed potatoes. Then, she set to work on peeling the potatoes . She did her best to focus and slice them neatly, but in her haste she ended up with a batch of freshly peeled potatoes that looked as if they’d been mugged in the dark alleys of Manehattan.

Twilight huffed as she looked at them. They were so lopsided and uneven, and she wanted everything to be perfect. Her eyes shifted back and forth between the bag of potatoes before she sighed and her shoulders slumped in aggravation. Lumpy potatoes would have to do this time.

Alright… Now I just need to mash them. But… What do I use? She looked into the drawer and grabbed the first thing she could find. It was a hammer.

She grimaced as she brought the hammer to her eye level, examining it. The little bumps on the larger side and the stainless steel meant that she had picked up a meat tenderizer. Twilight sighed once again.

Well, I guess it’ll have to do…

Bringing the tenderizer over her head, she slammed it down on the potato nearest to her. The bottom half was crushed into a lumpy paste, bits of the starch splashing onto her coat. The top half shot off of the counter and bounced off of the floor, landing several feet away next to the double doors. Twilight groaned and slapped her hoof against her face in resignation.

“Ugh… This is going to be a long day… And now I have to wash my hooves again…”

Nearly ten minutes later, Twilight had a pot full of mashed potatos. And a huge mess all over herself. She set the pot on the front burner and added a pinch of salt to it. Then she turned the burner on and sighed. Her coat was coated in potato crumbs, and patches were damp and matted from the water that had collected on it from the smashing.

“Well… That wasn’t too hard I guess. I mean, I made them. And they were seasoned alright…” A bright glint formed in Twilight’s eye as she lifted her head up. “I did it! I can do this! I can do this!” Her lips curled upward into a giant smile spanning her whole face.

Alright… What’s next? Maybe that green bean casserole that Shiny taught me? Let’s see if I can remember it…

Twilight searched deep within the recesses of her mind, looking for the recipe that she’d been taught so long ago. She managed to vaguely recall some of it, running over to the pantry and grabbing the green beans. She paused for a moment to look at all of the unlabeled spices in front of her.

Uh… What was supposed to… Darn it! This is a professional kitchen! I almost forgot!

Twilight bit her bottom lip as her eyes drifted back and forth between various spices that looked so foreign to her. She leaned down to see if she could recognize them by scent.

“Er… This one smells good. And this one… And this one! Uh… That should be good.” Twilight gulped. “I hope…”

Twilight stood next to the oven, watching the casserole that she’d prepared with an intensity that would make even Discord nervous. She could feel the heat radiating off of the oven and soothing some of the residual nervous shakings that she was still experiencing.. She had set it to four-hundred degrees fahrenheit, and the timer showed that there were ten minutes of cooking left.

Twilight’s nose sniffed instinctively as a strange new smell filled the air around her. She blinked multiple times in confusion, tilting her head curiously and peaking into the oven. “That’s interesting... I don’t think the recipe said anything about adding garlic, and I didn’t add any..” Twilight nostrils flared out in alarm. “If that’s the case, then why do I smell it?”

Twilight ran the instructions through her mind vigorously. I seasoned the green beans… I made the filling… Twilight was beginning to panic. The casserole shouldn’t have had such a strong odor, or at least one as distinguishable as garlic.

“Well, maybe they won’t mind it. After all, I could just tell them that I put garlic in the casserole. Yeah, I’ll just tell them that I did this on purpose! They won’t notice the difference as long as it tastes alright. Nothing to worry about.” Twilight chuckled as she swept her anxiety under the rug.

The lavender princess turned chef decided that it’d be best to clear up the sink and the counter of the dishes and utensils that were no longer being used. With her magic, she levitated the dirty dishes and placed them in the sink. She turned on the tap and began scrubbing everything with a soapy sponge.

“A clean kitchen is a good kitchen. A tidy princess is a good princess,” Twilight giggled.

Soon enough, the timer beeped with three shrill ringing tones, signaling that the beans were finally finished.

“Done already? I could have sworn that it should have cooked longer. I guess time flies when you’re distracted with work.” Twilight put down the dish she was cleaning and opened the oven only to be blasted by a cloud of noxious gas. Instantly her eyes began to water and her throat burned.

“What?!” Twilight slammed the oven shut and threw open a window. She could see the greenish-blue vapors pouring outside.

When the air became breathable again, Twilight hesitantly opened the oven, praying with all her might that her casserole was okay. To her misfortune, it was far from it.

Everything in the dish was somehow liquified. It was like it was put in a blender. The sub-par chef was dumbstruck. Twilight could think of no logical reason for the food to look this way.

“P-p-perhaps it tastes better than it looks?” Twilight reached for a spoon from the sink and slowly placed the serving end into the gelatinous mixture of Celestia-knows-what. As she retracted the spoon, she almost gagged upon seeing how elastic and adhesive it was. The small scoop of ‘casserole’ jiggled as if it were made of pure gelatin, and its opaque texture blocked her from seeing what was in it. Even with the spoon being held at least ten inches away, the casserole remained in contact with the spoon through a long green strand.

Twilight was on the verge of tears. Not because she had failed to make a casserole, but because she was going to submit herself to taste-testing it.

“Don’t worry Twilight, if you keep telling yourself that it’ll be tasty, you should be able to fool your senses…” Twilight’s legs began to wobble and she could feel sweat dripping down her face.

“It’ll be tasty!” She lifted the spoon up slightly and watched it jiggle more. “It’ll be tasty.” The second she brought it within smelling distance, her nose was overcome with the pungent odor of rotten eggs and sweaty gymnastics uniforms. “I-It’ll be tasty. D-definitely going be tasty...” Twilight repeated the phrase over and over in her head as she slowly and reluctantly closed her lips around the spoon of unholy alchemy.

“It’ll be tasty... it’ll be tasty… it’ll be—” The moment Twilight’s tongue touched the abomination she created, her senses shot into overdrive and began screaming at her brain to stop what she was doing. Her body gratefully complied with the request and spat out the spoon and its contents.

The lingering taste in her mouth sent Twilight to the floor.

“Sweet Celestia, what have I created?”

Twilight got up on her hooves and stared at the grotesque green beans, appalled at how they turned out. How could that have happened? The purple alicorn scratched her head, but knew immediately that there was absolutely no time to ponder about how the green beans had come out to such a poor consistency. Twilight dumped the disgusting vegetables in the deep purple trash can and hurried over to the oak wood pantry that she’d found all of her food supplies in.

Upon opening the pantry, Twilight was greeted by a ghastly sight that she would have given everything not to see; the icebox, fitting snugly into a little cubby on the right side of the oaken pantry, was stocked with many an item. Three ripened and plump tomatoes were stacked neatly on one side, two long stalks of celery sat on the floor of the icebox, and several knobby apples sat beside them. There was a small pouch of what was left of the green beans. There was less than a quarter of a pound left.

“Oh no… Celestia sent everypony home for Thanksgiving! The staff didn’t have time to restock the pantry yet!” Twilight facepalmed as her ears drooped slightly. She would only have one or two tries at each item before she’d run out of ingredients. This wouldn’t do….

Still, she pulled them out with her magic, dropping them on the counter where the remnants of a few other foods still remained. After a bit of chopping, slicing, and seasoning, Twilight supposed that it was oven-ready. She trotted over, now calmed down slightly since finding the vegetables, and opened up the oven. Twilight slid the crisp green veggies in, and set the time for 10 minutes. After all, she didn’t exactly wish for them to burn or remain completely raw, and they would require less cooking time since it was such a small portion.

Ten minutes passed with ease, and Twilight pulled the new green beans out from the oven, wiping the sweat from her brow with her purple hoof. Somehow, this time the casserole came out as it was supposed to. She could see the crisp on the top layering, and the evenly scattered beans throughout. Perfect, perfect… that’s one simple thing done. Now… now what? Twilight scratched her chin, until she remembered the starring role of her Thanksgiving dinner—the hay bale! Every Thanksgiving dinner had to have a huge hay bale that everypony could feast on! That was practically the trademark of the tradition!

Twilight noticed a hay bale lying on the ground next to the refrigerator. She picked it up with her magic and carried it over to the table, placing it down in the middle. A small smile made its way onto her face.

“It may be messy, but at least we’ve still got the hay bale! I don’t even need to season it. Just cook it. That should be no problem!” Twilight chuckled softly to herself and gulped. “I hope…”

“No, no, no, no!” Twilight chanted as the oven that held her main course billowed with smoke.

Hay bales had a specific bake time to them. While not the most delicate of main dishes, it needed proper care in order to flourish. That meant about a thirteen minute bake time. Just enough to get the bale crisp without causing it to catch on fire.

Twilight had put it in for eighteen.

Frantically she opened the oven door. More smoke, black as a changelings skin, came billowing out like a wispy ghost, threatening to choke her.. Using her magic she grabbed the pan out of the makeshift volcano. Too curious for her own good Twilight brought the plate up to her face to see what had become of her dish.

Maybe I can still save it if I just cool it off really quickly…

Unfortunately for her, the hay bale was actually on fire. Sitting mere inches away from her face. Her mistake lead to the dish heating her face to an unbearable level. Without thought she tossed the dish with her magic above her. In no time flat in came back down, the flaming hay bale landing directly on her back. With a small shriek she bucked the fireball away. When it hit the ground she used a fire extinguishing spell to absolve the threat, but the damage had been done. On her back a large jet black burn laid.

She coughed and wheezed violently at the massive volume of smoke drifting out of the oven. She rushed over to the closest window she could, waving the smoke out of the room with her hooves.

“No… No, no, no ,no! That was the most important part and…” Twilight winced as the pain from the burn radiated down her back. Thankfully it was only minor, but it was still going to sting for weeks. She sighed and dropped to her haunches, beginning to weep gently.

“Now what am I going to do? I have mashed potatoes and a half portion of casserole… How am I going to feed anypony with that? I… I…” Twilight’s eyes clicked open in recognition.

T-there’s still the dessert! Maybe if I can make a really good dessert, they won’t mind! The haybale may be gone, but I still have a chance. I still have my deserts…

Twilight did all she could to get a hold of her now-chaotic thoughts. Apple pie, that was exactly what she needed. Twilight practically galloped the short distance to her pantry, and flung the wooden door open. She shoved both of her hooves in the cold ice box, groping around in the cold air. It took a full minute for Twilight to notice the empty pie tin sitting on the shelf to her left. She used her magic to grasp onto it, and flew back over to the counter that she had been working at previously.

Twilight anxiously galloped back over to the ice box, grabbing the apples and dashing back over to the counter. Twilight could practically see the horrified, disappointed faces of her family and mentors as they walked in to discover the absolute mess she had made. Shuddering in quiet fear, Twilight began chopping up the knobby apples, cutting them up into small triangles. Alright… that seemed good enough.

Getting out a bowl for mixing the filling, Twilight scurried back over to the pantry and grabbed what she believed to be the flour. She reached her hoof in blindly as she focused her eyes on the grandfather clock - almost time for her guests to arrive. Heart pounding, Twilight rushed back to the counter, readying herself to fill the empty pan with her homemade pie crust.

Twilight spread the ingredients for dough out on the counter, which really was only a large pitcher of ‘water.’ In her hurry to get the ingredients set up and placed, Twilight - instead of filling the plastic pitcher with clear, fresh water - filled it with vinegar. It was only because of the hefty smell of burning hay that Twilight didn’t notice the scent immediately. Twilight dumped the vinegar in the bowl, and brought out a few measuring cups.

Using her clever alicorn magic, Twilight filled up all the required cups for what she believed to be flour at once - though, in her haste, Twilight nabbed the baking soda sack instead. If she hadn’t dumped it all in at once, maybe Twilight would have been able to handle things. But Twilight slid the baking soda into the bowl of vinegar and was immediately greeted by a surprise.

The moment the first grain of baking soda hit the vinegar, there was a dull pop in the hasty kitchen, and suddenly there was baking soda everywhere. And by everywhere…. well, everywhere. Baking soda and vinegar shot up into Twilight’s eyes, up her nose, even a bit in her mouth. Her face was plastered in the materials, along with her apron and neck. There was hardly enough time to wash some of the residue from her face when Twilight’s ears twitched. Silence filled the kitchen, until it was interrupted by three quick knocks on the door.

Twilight shuffled her way over to the door, not even bothering to removed her ruined apron. Spike was still asleep. She would have to open the door and face everypony. She would have to be the one to tell them that she had ruined their Thanksgiving day. And so she drew ever closer to her impending doom.

She put her hoof on the door, and opened it. Before her stood the other princesses, as well as her brother, Shining Armor. They were all fancied up, and looked as if they were going to some Canterlot party. All of the ponies shuffled into the room, observing Twilight with varying looks of concern and uncertainty.

“H-Hey everypony, how are you tonight?” Twilight asked, trying to sound nonchalant. Much to her chagrin, her voice wavered and cracked with each word as she barely managed to hold back tears.

“Twilight, what’s wrong, what happened?” Cadence asked rushing over to her fellow princesses’ side.

“It’s nothing Cadence, really, I was just chopping some onions, and… well… you know.” Twilight casual statement sounded terribly strained. Her eyes were red and puffy, and her drooping back and ears betrayed her true feelings.

“Did something happen to you, are you hurt!?!” Cadence’s eyes hovered over Twilight’s form for a moment. The instant she saw the small burn marks on her back, she gasped and hugged Twilight as hard as she could.

“Don’t worry about me. It’s Thanksgiving! Everypony should be enjoying food and loving the decorations in the hall! It’s fine! Er… really..” Twilights disappointed tone wasn’t missed by any of the guests, except one B.B.B.F.F.

Turning away from the group, Twilight retreated further into the dining hall. The guests entered as well, unsettled by the reaction of the princess. As soon as they looked around the hall though they put the pieces together, except for the former captain of the royal guard.

“Twily, where’s the food? I’m starved!” His mouth dropped at the lack of food on the table.

Twilight Sparkle’s eyes watered and her knees buckled. She fell to the floor with a flop. Through her sobs, she retold the events of the night that drove her to that point.

“I-I tried to make the food, and then I got all messy, and the hay bale burnt, and the dessert exploded, and… and… I RUINED EVERYTHING! I’m so sorry! This is supposed to be one of the best days of the year, and I… r-r-ruined it!” Twilight broke into sobs as she layed on the ground, letting all of her emotions pour out of her.

Princess Cadence, realizing what her husband did, smacked the back of his head and gave him a knowing look. Shining whimpered but put his minor pain aside to comfort his sister’s ailing heart.

“Hey, hey, hey, Twily,” Shining Armor soothed, running over to his sister, who was now laying on the ground, sobbing. “It’s alright” He wrapped his front hooves around her.

Celestia walked over to the two ponies on the ground. She kneeled down onto the hard, oak wood floor of the library. “Twilight? Allow me to impart to you some wisdom.”

Twilight swallowed hard. “Y-yes-s?” she said, gasping frenetically.

“Thanksgiving isn’t about the food. It’s not about the hay bale. It’s not about the green beans or the potatoes or the dessert. It’s about family. The ponies who are there to help you, no matter what. The ponies who will catch you if you fall, who will always love you. That’s what Thanksgiving is all about.” Celestia smiled down at her student. For a young princess who had learned so much, she still had a lot to learn.

Twilight sniffled. “Y-you really th-th-think so?”

“I know so.”

Twilight broke free from her brother’s grasp and rushed to Celestia. She wrapped the pony in her hooves and squeezed. Celestia returned the hug.

“Now, ladies and gentlestallion,” Luna spoke up, stepping forward. “Speaking of helping, what say we help Twilight with making some dinner?”

A collective murmur of “yes” arose from the small crowd, except for Twilight.

“I have no more food left…” Twilight murmured. “We have nothing to make for dinner…”

Cadence opened the pantry. “You’re crazy, right? You’ve got bread and grass. How is that nothing?”

“Cadence, it’s Thanksgiving! We can’t eat plain old grass and bread!”

“Sure we can! Watch.” Cadence picked up a few blades of grass and plopped them into her mouth. “See? They’re fine. I haven’t had any good grass in forever, you know.”

Twilight was speechless.

Luna giggled. “Alright, then. Let’s go make some dinner!” Luna, Shining Armor, and Celestia ran into the kitchen, making themselves sandwiches and salads.

“I...I…” Twilight still couldn’t find the words.

Shining laughed. “Come on, Twily! You’re missing out!”

Twilight finally found the words to describe her situation. When she said them, they were nothing but a whisper, lost forever to the grains of time.

“Thank you…”

Thanksgiving.

It was the best of times.

Everyone was merry and happy. Twilight had finally made the perfect Thanksgiving, whether is was the outcome she expected or not.

Everyone was talking, in good jest. Everyone was eating and enjoying each other’s company.

Well, everyone except Spike, who was still asleep.

But, alas, not for long.

He woke up groggy. Rubbing his eyes, he started stumbling downstairs. Why had he woken up?

Oh, that’s right. It was the loud laughing coming from downstairs.

He half-fell down the steps. “Ahem...” he said. All eyes at the table turned to him, smiling.

“Come on down, Spike,” Twilight said. “Join in on the fun.”

Spike smiled, and, after almost falling down again, joined the others at the table. Cadence pushed a grass sandwich his way.

After all, he was family.