Friendship is Magic; Part's 1 & 2
And now it's time for Bum Reviews with Prancer P. Bum.
Today's episode: My Little Pony Friendship is Magic.
OH MY CELESTIA THIS IS THE GREATEST SHOW I'VE EVER SEEN BEFORE IN MY LIFE!
My Little Spoiler's...My Little Spoiler's...
So there's this pony, named Tara Sparkle, and she sounds a lot like Lollipop Chainsaw!
I had a lollipop chainsaw once! It didn't taste very good.
So Taralight Sparkle discovers that this big evil pony is going to take over the world! *Dramatic turn* Of course!
So she tells the princess, and the princess is like,
"You're weird. Go make some friends."
I wish I could make friends! All I have are voices in my head, and they're total jerks!
So the pony goes to this town called Ponyville!
Why would they call it Ponyville? That'd be like if I called where I live Bumland!
Now that I think about it, I might make some friends if I lived in Bumland.
So when she gets to Ponyland, she meets a lot of weird, brightly colored ponies!
Wait, was I high when I saw this?
So the first pony she meets is called Pinkie Pie!
I had a pinkie pie once! It tasted very sad...
So Tara is like: "Hi!"
And Pinkie is like: "4TH WALL!!" *KRSSH*
Tara: "That was weird."
So then she goes to a farm and meets a pony named Applejack!
Wait, Applejacks? I love that cereal! It tasted like rat droppings! Though maybe that was because there was rat living in the box, still better then potato salad though.
And she's like, "Wanna meet my family?"
And Tara is like, "Uh I-"
Applejack: "COOL!"
So then she introduces her to her family, none of which will be seen again until episode 21, and then feeds her tons of food!
I wish I got fed lots of food! But all I have is a dumpster behind White Castle!
Then she meets a ponified Sonic the Hedgehog named Rainbow Dildo!
I had a Rainbow Dildo once! I couldn't sit down for weeks.....
And she's like, "Swag"
And Tara is like, "You're lazy, clear the sky-"
Rainbow Dildo: "Did it while you were talking."
Tara: "Oh."
Rainbow Dildo: "Also I'm keeping your wallet."
Tara: "Wait, what?!"
So then there's this marshmallow pony called Rarity, and she's like, "Dahhling..."
And Twila's pet dragon is like, "Imma tap that."
Why is a dragon in love with a pony? I thought that only happened on the interwebs!
So finally, there's this really shy pony called Fluttershy!
Geez, her parents were dicks!
Heh, I'm just kidding, she doesn't have parents.
So Tara is like, "What's your name?"
Fluttershy: "Flshshsh..."
Tara: "What?"
Fluttershy: "Flutushushsh..."
Tara: "What?"
Fluttershy: "Fluttushush- HOLY SHIT A DRAGON!"
So now that Tara Sparkle has all these ponies throwing her parties and wanting to be her friends, she locks herself in her room and complains about it!
Wow! She's just like half the audience!
But then the big evil pony comes from the moon and is like,
NM: "The night! Will last! FOREVAAHHH!"
Tara: "Wait, doesn't that mean that it'll always be day on the other side of the world?"
NM: "There is no other side, it's like Minecraft!"
Tara: "NOOOOOOOO!"
Eand of part 1!
So Tara Sparkle has to find the Elements of Harmony to stop the big evil pony! And the other ponies go with her because...
...
...
So they go to the evil Hundred Acre Wood, but then Tara Sparkle falls off a cliff! And she's like:
"Pull me back up!"
And Applejacks is like, "Long live the king!" *Drops*
"AHHHH!"
But her flying pony friends were there waiting to catch her!
Tara: Wait, why did you drop me without telling me they were down there?
Apples: Because that's what honesty is all about!
Tara: I thought I was going to die!
Apples: Honesty!
So then they come across a Manticore who's mad 'cause he has a thorn in his paw.
And the Manticore is like, "I'M MAD, ROOOOOAAAAAR!"
And Fluttershy is like, "GROW SOME!"
Manticore: "...ok"
Hurray!
And then they're surrounded by a bunch of scary trees!
Oh my God, it's the Happening! Somepony find Marky Mark!
But then Pinkie Pie is like, "You're not scary!"
Trees: We're really scary!
Pinkie: Ever read Cupcakes?
Trees: *High pitched scream, run away*
So then when they cross this river, they're attacked by the Loch Ness Monster with a moustache...for some reason! But he only has half a moustache, because the big evil pony cut half of it off...for some reason!
Have I mentioned yet that this show is kinda weird?
But Marshmallowy cuts off her own tail and gives it to him as a moustache toupee!
HOORAY!
And she's like, "It's fine, my dear, it'll grow back."
That's not what they told me when I cut off that one pony's tail!
Worst birthday party ever...
So then they get to this broken bridge, and Rainbow Dildo helps them cross. But she's tempted to join the dark side evil shadowy ponies!
Shadowbolts: "Joooin us..."
Rainbow Dildo: "Fuck off."
Shadowbolts: "Ok..."
So then they finally get to the old castle were these five macguffins that can beat the big bad evil pony are. And Tara is like, "Leave me alone in the room so I try and bring out the sixth one! I'm sure absolutely nothing will got wrong if I'm left alone with these powerful-"
"NIGHTMARE SMASH!!"
"-we're fucked."
But then everpony is like:
Applejack: "Honesty!"
Pinkie: "Laughter!"
Rarity: "Generosity!"
Fluttershy: "Kindness!"
Rainbow Dildo: "SWAG!"
All: "GO MAGIC!"
Tara: "With your powers combined, I am Captain Harmony!"
So with thier power combined they bring out the sixth element: Magic! Because...every circle of friend's need's a good magician...?
And everypony is like: "TASTE THE RAINBOW MOTHERBUCKER!!"
Nightmare Moon: "NOOOOOOO!"
*KABOOM!*
So the day is saved! Princess Celestia returns! *Insert you're Princess Trollestia joke here*
Nightmare Moon becomes Princess Luna who will not be seen again until THE NEXT SEASON! Seriously, what was up with that?!
And Tara gets to stay in Ponyville with all her new friends!
Hurray!
So I really loved MLP: FiM! This show taught me a very valuable lesson! And that lesson is to NEVER FUCK WITH PONIES!!!
Seriously, they'll end your ass with rainbows and sing a catchy song about it!
I just hope that they can never come to our world!
Who knows what horrible things they'd do!
This is Prancer P. Bum saying...
BIIIIITS! YA GOT BITS? AW, COME ON, HELP A GUY OUT, WILL YA? C'MON, BITS!
C'mon, I'll teach you the about magic of friendship! I'm pretty sure it involves muffins...
