The day which will live in comedy...
December 7, 1941.
That date seemed like any other day to everyone at Oahu, Hawaii. The sun was shining warmly at 8 'o' clock in the morning, like it usually does. People were driving to work, like they usually did.
But it wasn't in this world where our story begins. Our story begins in a far off land....
"PINKIE PIE!"
Pinkie Pie stopped spraying whipped cream over Twilight's library and research area so she could look for a place to hide.
She looked around quickly, before spotting a table, which she dove under.
Twilight walked into the second branch of the library where Pinkie was "working" and looked around carefully for her.
Pinkie giggled, and Twilight heard her.
Twilight smiled, and started to walk around the room, pretending to look for her.
"Oh, I wonder where Pinkie Pie is. She's so good at playing Hide 'n' Seek!"
Pinkie giggled again, and Twilight started to walk over by the table.
"I think I know where Pinkie is!"
Pinkie inhaled deeply, and waited.
"GOTCHA!" Screamed Twilight, as she flipped the table over.
Pinkie squealed, and started to run away.
"Oh no you don't!"
Twilight's horn grew bright, and Pinkie floated back to her.
"Pinkamina Diane Pie! How many times do I have to tell you to stay out of the library?"
"I was just going to pick out a book..."
"Pinkie! You don't know how to read! I know whenever you come in here, all you want to do is make trouble for me!"
Twilight walked to the front entrance of the library, opened the door, and let Pinkie down.
"Go home, Pinkie. I have work to do, and your mess to clean up."
Twilight slammed the door, and Pinkie sulked on the front stoop.
Eventually she stood up, and slowly walked through town, still sulking, back to her family's farmhouse.
"Hey Pinkie! What's got you so down?" Asked one of the townsfolk.
Pinkie didn't reply, and kept walking. She ignored everyone else that tried to talk to her, and continued walking out of town, onto the road leading out of town, and then finally out of sight of Ponyville entirely.
Before long, her family's hysterical, and almost completely worthless, rock farm appeared over a hilltop. It was on this farm that Pinkie had originally discovered her talent for partying, which she soon learned, wasn't a real talent to begin with. But the citizens of Ponyville knew her as the town fool, and laughed at and with her when she entertained them.
She trudged into the small cottage where she and her sister, Inkie, lived. The rest of the family had died trying to move a large rock into town to sell it. Of course, no one in their right mind would buy a boulder, especially once it was covered in the blood of three ponies.
"Hey, Pinkie!" Inkie called from the table. "What's got you so down?"
Pinkie sighed, and looked at her sister. "No pony wants to play with me...."
Inkie frowned. "Well shucks, Pinkie, that's strange. I can't think of any pony that wouldn't want to be around you!"
Pinkie smiled at her sister's words. "Thanks Inkie, that makes me happy, but I'm gonna go to bed."
"You don't want to eat some dinner first?"
"No, I just wanna go to bed."
"Well, good night then..."
Pinkie sulked her way upstairs, then crawled into bed.
Her misery kept her up for a few hours, but she still found a way to fall into a deep sleep.
"Pinkie....Pinkie...."
Pinkie woke up, and looked around her. Her bedroom was gone; replaced by a black void.
"Who's there?" Pinkie called.
"It's me, Pinkie."
"Who are you?"
Suddenly, from out of the darkness, walked a figure of a kind she had never seen before.
Pinkie looked quizzically at him. "Who...what....are you?"
The being laughed. "Never you mind that, all you need to know is the answer to this questions: do you want to have fun, Pinkie Pie?"
Pinkie smiled from ear to ear, and nodded.
The being laughed again. "Good, good! Then walk towards me, Pinkie Pie, and you will have the most fun in your entire life!"
Pinkie laughed loudly, clicked her hooves together, then dashed at the figure. But when she reached him, she fell through him, and into the darkness.
"AAAHHHH!" She screamed as she fell.
"Hey! It's just a dream, sleepyhead! Wake up!"
Pinkie slowly started to wake up, as she heard the familiar voice speaking to her.
"Oh, it was just a dream!"
Pinkie smiled, and opened her eyes. Then, her jaw dropped at what she saw. It was her!
"AAAHHHH!" She screamed again, and started to back away from....herself.
The other Pinkie looked at her strangely. "What's wrong with you? It's just me!"
"But you're me!"
The other Pinkie snorted and laughed. "Well duh! I'm your clone, silly!"
"You're my clone?"
The other Pinkie nodded. "Yeah! But there's more than just me! Get up and get dressed and I'll introduce you to the rest of you!"
The other Pinkie laughed at her own joke, and threw some strange clothing at Pinkie. She put on the outfit, and followed the other Pinkie out of the room.
She followed her down a small, barely-lit metal corridor.
"Here we are!" The other Pinkie said, as they reached a metal door. "The troops are awaiting your speech, followed by your orders, general!"
Pinkie looked confused. "What?"
The other Pinkie rolled her eyes, opened the door, then pushed Pinkie out.
"Oof! Hey! It's not nice to push other ponies!"
But the door had already closed.
Suddenly, a large amount of voices started to yell her name.
"Pinkie! Pinkie! Pinkie!"
Pinkie turned around to look at a large crowd of clones exactly like her!
"Well, uh..." She stammered nervously, "I don't know what we're going to do, but let's do our best!"
The other Pinkies erupted into applause, and shouted her name again and again.
Pinkie slowly walked back into the door she came from, opened it, and walked back inside. She frantically closed the door, and started to take deep breaths.
"That was great, general! You really nailed it!"
Pinkie turned to see the same clone as before walk towards her, or at least, she thought it was the same clone from before.
"Thanks! I tried my best!"
"You did! And I'm sure they'll try their best, too! Follow me general, it's time to get underway!"
The clone Pinkie led the real Pinkie up a gangplank into a medium-sized room filled with electronics, and surrounded by glass. There were at least a dozen more clones of Pinkie operating various controls in the room, and as soon as they saw her, they stood up and saluted her.
"General, these are the best of the best when it comes to this sort of thing. They will be here to help you with anything you need!"
"OK! You guys can sit down now, if you want."
The clones said 'Sir!' and sat down again, resuming their button pushing and knob turning.
"This is your seat, general."
Pinkie looked at a comfortable-looking chair in the middle of the room.
"OOoooHHHhhh! I love it!"
Pinkie ran towards the chair, jumped into it, and sat upside down.
The clone Pinkie laughed. "Well done, general. I couldn't have done better myself."
With that, the clone walked towards a radio in the corner of the room and spoke into it.
"Time to go!"
Pinkie looked up at her clone from her awkward position.
"Where are we going?"
The clone Pinkie smiled big. "Pearl Harbor!"
"Oh! Where's that?"
"Oahu, Hawaii! You should know that, general!"
Pinkie frowned. "Why should I know that?"
The clone Pinkie snorted. "Well duh! You planned this!"
Pinkie's eyes grew wide. "I did?! When?"
"Last night, in your dream, 'he' came to you, and you planned it!"
"Who's 'he'?"
The clone Pinkie ignored Pinkie's question and got on the radio again. "We'll be arriving in just a couple of minutes! YAY!"
Pinkie untangled herself from herself, and walked to the end of the room. She got her first look at the fleet of ships outside! She herself was in the command room of a large carrier.
"WOW!" She said, "THIS IS SO COOL!"
The cloned Pinkie giggled. "Yes, it is, isn't it? This fleet is going to destroy all of the U.S. ships at Pearl Harbor! YAY!"
"What is Pearl Harbor? I've never been there! It must be outside of Equestria!"
The cloned Pinkie giggled once more. "Oh, it is! In fact, it's right there!"
She pointed outside the window at a large harbor full of ships just coming into view.
"Woah!" Said Pinkie, pressing her face against the window. "They have a lot of ships, too!"
"They do! For now."
The cloned Pinkie turned and walked back to the radio. "Begin the attack!"
All of the ships stopped in their tracks; the aircraft carriers started to launch airplaines, the battleships turned their cannons turned the harbor, and the cruisers moved into position to defend the battleships against the U.S.'s planes.
"Wow! Can I play, too?" Asked Pinkie.
"Of course you can, general!" The cloned Pinkie walked over to a console in the corner of the ship, and brought back a hand-held radio.
"Here you go! Just describe anything you see in the harbor, then tell the guy at the other of this radio about it!"
Pinkie's eyes grew wide with excitement. She took the radio from the cloned Pinkie, and dashed over to the window again.
By now, the planes had started destroying ships in the harbor, and the battleships hammered the coast; devastating buildings.
Pinkie looked carefully at anything that wasn't already destroyed, before sighting her target. She eagerly pointed a hospital that hadn't been struck yet. Nurses were running outside to get wounded sailors, and running inside with said sailors.
The cloned Pinkie laughed really hard, then snorted. "Go ahead, general. Call it in!"
Pinkie turned on the radio and spoke into it. "Hi! I want you to go play with that big building that has....things....running out of it!"
"Hee hee hee! Roger that, general!"
After a few moments of waiting, 3 planes cruised over the hospital, and dropped their payload. The hospital was almost completely leveled, and bodies flew everywhere from the explosion. Some that survived the explosion trudged out of the destroyed hospital, only to be gunned down by the planes' drive-by.
Pinkie giggled. "MORE! MORE! This is so much fun!"
She turned on the radio again. "Hi again! I want you to do the same thing to those two big buildings by the water! Only this time, do it with the big boats!"
"Roger that, general!"
Just like last time, the two battleship ports were destroyed, but unlike last time, it was done with 2 battleships.
The day continued in much the same manner, with Pinkie's clones destroying everything in sight. But then more humans arrived to help the defeated sailors.
"Uh oh! There's more of them!" Said Pinkie.
She turned on the radio and called for another airstrike.
The planes cruised overhead, and dropped bombs on the humans that just arrived. Most of them were killed immediately, but just like with the hospital, some survived. Pinkie ordered another drive-by, and the stragglers were dealt with.
By this time, the carriers had launched waves and waves of landers filled with more clones of Pinkie! They landed on the surrounding beaches, and charged up the harbor. They threw fire bombs at any building remains, and executed any survivors of the initial bombings.
All of this happened while Pinkie and her faithful clone watched.
"Wow! This was fun!"
The clone giggled one last time. "Yes it was! Yes it was...."
At that moment, the clone's face morphed, and the face of the strange being Pinkie had seen in her dream appeared in it's stead!
"OOOOHHHH! You're that guy from my dream!"
"Indeed! I am Hideki Tojo, and today, you have done me a great favor! Thank you, Miss Pie!"
With that, the face morphed back to the clone's face, and Pinkie turned to watch the destruction of Pearl Harbor.
"What a great day this was!" She said, and for the last time that day, she laughed so hard, she snorted.
Author's Note
And now you know, Pinkie Pie triggered WWII! Thank you for reading my parody of the attack on Pearl Harbor!
Don't be offended, it was just a joke for Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day! A dark joke, yes, but a joke nontheless. I do not support the killing of ANYONE ANYWHERE. I am a pacifist that just enjoys joking about war, since I find it so silly.
That being said, please don't go all patriotic on me in the comments!
