[}{} The Bench Chronicles {}{]
It was a pretty normal day when we trotted out of the door, something quite strange for Ponyville to be having but not unwelcome all the same. We passed a few of our friends here and there, waving at them of course, but not stopping to talk as we made our way to the park like we always did on Sundays. We’d done this enough times that they didn’t get offended or anything because they knew that we were on one of our little ‘dates’, though most of the other mares in Ponyville would have hardly called it that.
We always sit together on a park bench. That’s right, just a bench. No fancy dinners, no snacks, no visits to the local theater. Nope, we just sit right there on our little bench, and spend time with each other. That’s the way we both like it, too, nothing flashy or bold, just together is all.
And to be fair, that park is better entertainment than any movie could be. No, I’m not even trying to be sappy or romantic here; I’m simply stating the truth. The craziest kinds of things happen in that park. Just a few days ago there was a pink party explosion as Pinkie Pie decided to test out her new “portable party” bomb. Of course, the poor pony that had their hearts nearly scared out of their chests was Rarity, because it was her birthday. I should really write down on a sticky note that we shouldn’t be anywhere within a fifteen mile radius of Ponyville when either of our birthdays roll around lest we find ourself in the blast zone of a confetti-loaded, instant-action party explosion.
Anyway, the day was normal up until the point that we got settled in on our bench. The bench. The bench where we first met and where we fell in love and pretty much had every other important moment of our relationship with it in our immediate proximity. As soon as we settled in and got close to each other, the sounds of two ponies shouting graced our eardrums with their dulcet tones.
Now, this wasn’t the normal kind of shouting, where you just kind of ignore it and turn away; this was the kind of shouting that you can’t help but perk up and listen to. Hey, I’m not an eavesdropper by any means, but when I hear ponies shouting about music I can’t help but listen in. It is my profession after all.
“I do not mind that you enjoy what you love to call your ‘Wubstep’, Vinyl, but the fact that you insist that it is the best music in all of Equestria is an insult to my own existence as a musician. That pile of electronically generated noise can hardly compare to the elegance and poise of classical music!” Both Bon Bon and I swiveled around slightly to watch as two ponies trotted into view, an earth pony with a cute pink bow at her neck while the other was a unicorn sporting a pair of dark purple glasses. In an instant, I knew who they were. Octavia Melody and Vinyl Scratch, the two musicians of Ponyville that were the most outspoken, and most annoying, with anything that happened to involve their craft.
“Pfff, what-ev-er, nopony even listens to that stuff anymore!” I had to hold back an eye roll as Vinyl stuck her hoof up in the air and dramatically tossed her glasses up into the air where they then landed right back on her face, a trick that everypony has seen countless times already. “Everypony knows that music is supposed to make them hooves bounce and stomp!” After lowering herself back down onto all four hooves, she went and used one to pat the now-glaring Octavia on the head. “You can’t do that kind of stuff with classical, Tavy.” With the way ‘Tavy’ was throwing daggers with her eyes, coupled with the condescending way that Vinyl had denounced the former pony’s musical love and the fact that she patted her as well, what happened next hardly came as a surprise to any of the bystanders, which was to say, Bon Bon and I.
Granted, what came after what happened next was a surprise, but we’ll get to that later.
Octavia whipped her hoof around to smack her friend/rival’s own hoof away, glaring furiously as she drew herself up to seem taller and more imposing. Bons and I couldn’t help but snicker a bit as she accidentally slipped a little on some wet grass, though to her credit Octavia did manage to keep the blush in her cheeks to a minimum as she huffed. “The point of music is not simply to make hooves ‘bounce and stomp’, Vinyl, but since you insist that classical is inferior in that aspect, I, Octavia Melody, hereby challenge you to a duel of music so that I will be able to show you that my music can indeed do such things!” With another angry puff of air, the bow-tie wearing pony spun around and began to trot off. “Be here in ten minutes with your turntables, and then we shall see whose music is the best in Equestria! And don’t call me that silly name!”
“Pffft fine, just don’t slip again, Tavy!” Vinyl trotted off, snickering madly as the angry sound of a mare’s wordless shout filled the air. “This is gonna be a piece of cake! A wubalicious cake that I’m gonna make her eat!” As the other musician trotted away, both Bon Bon and I burst into outright laughter, our hooves laying over each other’s back as we tried to not fall off of the bench, though we barely achieved that.
“This is almost as good as the one time where Fluttershy and the vet had both found a pair of hurt squirrels in a bush.” I loved seeing that look on Bon’s face, the carefree smile with shimmering eyes full of glee. I swear, if the cataclysm were to happen at this moment I would be happy, being able to have such a nice sight as the last thing I saw. Of course, I wouldn’t want such a thing to happen anyway. Let me be sappy, okay?
After our laughing fit, we found ourselves just sitting there, staring into each others eyes. We did that for a while, just looking is all, until a loud crunch drew us out of our impromptu internal-make-out session.
“Ha! I knew that mare’d be too scared to show her little bow or cello out here for real!” Standing there right where she had been during the argument was Vinyl Scratch, looking ever-so-confident as she looked around with a superior grin on her face. She saw us sitting there and trotted over, smug smile still there as she lounged on her portable DJ turntable. “So, show up to see the battle? Or should I say the would-be-but-actually-isn’t battle?” I opened my mouth to answer but it was, of course, silenced when a beam of purple light shot out from nowhere and passed just in front of Vinyl’s face, and by extension my own.
Now, you’d think a magical beam of light would be just that. Light. Well, as a unicorn who uses magic a lot, I can tell you that that’s not the case. Doing something like that involves some serious heat, and a few hairs on the very tip of my muzzle didn’t escape being burned.
“What is this about a battle that isn’t. Vinyl? I could have sworn that I said I would have been here.” All three of our heads swiveled at once, which would have been funny if I hadn’t just seen my life flash before my eyes, to see a certain bow-wearing musician standing with a cello in her hooves with smoke seeming to come off of the strings. “I trust you have your equipment with you?”
If somepony had been just visiting from another town, a pony who didn’t know these two, they would have been sprinting for the next train out of here. Of course, Bons and I knew that these two always did crazy things like this, warranting them tickets for both disturbing the town with their loud music and also fines for destroying the streets around them when they faced off like this. In hindsight I probably should have kept on the lookout for the classical musician, which would have saved me a few bits of fur at the end of the day. I wasn’t about to step into this battle though, as even my normal lyre couldn’t compare to their weapons of mass destruction.
Unlike normal ponies with normal thought processes, these two far from normal ponies ‘dueled’ using specially prepared magical instruments, though a far more accurate term would be try to destroy each other with them. However many times they battled though, the outcome was the same: a lot of destroyed and slightly-radioactive land as well as two unconscious musicians, that had a heap of bits to pay to fix everything back up again once they woke up, laying there in the wreckage.
Also unlike normal ponies with normal thought processes and any sense of regard for self-preservation, Bons and I decided that we would stay on our little bench after a few moments of hushed whispers while the duo stared at each other in an epic battle of wills that would soon turn into one fought with laser beams instead. After conjuring up a shield with my magic that surrounded us both, a little sound-canceling spell that worked on the magic cast from their musical, destructive-laser-producing things. The park was quiet as a gentle breeze rolled through the clearing where the pair of prepared ponies spent at least thirty seconds glaring at each other.
Then, as if the scene before us was in a movie, Vinyl slowly lifted up the silver rectangle of electronic equipment and held it right in front of her chest, baring her teeth in a smirk as she pressed a button on the top of it. “All right, Tavy, I warned you!” In an instant, the white unicorn was holding a contraption that pulsed with an electric-blue light, a cannon-like thing that would have made those who had seen it before cower and run away as fast as they can. At least, anypony with a normal mind.
We were just going to sit and enjoy the lightshow, Bons and I.
It seemed to happen all in an instant, the blur of color and sound suddenly stopped to give way for silence and the brown-grey of dust that slowly began to settle back onto the ground. I lowered our shield and slowly stepped over to where I had last seen the flashes of light came from, my horn brightly lit as I kept my shield spell prepared just in case one of the crazy ponies hadn’t been completely knocked out yet. However, despite my fears, Bon Bon simply dashed forward with a rather large leaf that she had gotten from who knows where and waved away all the crud that was still there in the air.
When we could finally see the unmoving forms of the musicians, all we could do was stare in stunned silence.
They were knocked out, with their instruments at their side, smoking slightly from the blasts of weaponized music that they had done battle with.
“Well, today has been interesting.” Bon Bon turned to me with a little smile on her face, her eyes dancing merrily despite the fact that there were two unconscious ponies next to us. “And here I thought we were just going to be able to cuddle in peace.”
“N’aw Bons, you know that that’s not how this park works! There always has to be something going on here!”
And so, with the day’s ‘Something going on’ quota being filled, we trotted back to our home close to each other’s side with smiles on our faces as we went.
Oh, and the day was pretty much normal after that.
