Flutter the Lurker and Rainbow Bob

by Flint Sparks

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Romance, Random
Length: 1499

Flutter the Lurker, avid reader of romance fiction, has a little crush on somepony...

Flutter the Lurker is an avid reader of romance fiction, having read nearly all the books in the "hidden library." Perhaps a bit of a nerd, she has a little crush on somepony… Rainbow Bob, the greatest most awesome pony in existence. A love between them can only be found in the pages of a book, not in reality. Right?

Right?

Preread by Skeeter The Lurker and RainbowBob for ABSOLUTELY NO REASON WHATSOEVER.
Edited (extensively) by cooopercrisp.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-04 04:32:45 UTC

True love.

“Flippy flippy. Flippy flippy,” the masked mare whispered as she flipped through her last, aged tome in the dark recesses of the dimly-lit nocturnal library. Candle lit, parchment and quill ready, and a pile of eroti- romance on hoof, the night had proven to be productive for the mare of mystery. Very productive.

The tell-tale clop clop of hoofsteps alerted her to the presence behind her. The servant, a similarly masked unicorn of mystique and power coughed. “My lord, it-”

“Please,” the disguised damsel of delight said. “We’re alone. It’s Lurker.”

Lurker indeed, she was. Her mask reflected her alias; half a pink butterfly’s wings adjoined her face’s left side, a grey fuzzy moth on the right. It was a mask of shadows and nightmares that sent shivers down her enemies’ spines. She was an almighty pegasus, nopony to be trifled with.

The servant bowed. “Very well, Miss Lurker. I hope my services and utility has served you well tonight. However sunrise is upon us. You must depart as I restore the sanctum to it’s illusioned state.”

“Pity,” Lurker snorted as she leaned onto her leather bean chair and placed her hind hooves on the small table carved of bone, which was placed on top of a dragon hide rug. On the wall was a (fake?) griffin head. Lurker found it comfortingly familiar. “It would suit the party tonight, no? What do you think, Miss… Uncommon?”

“Uncommon, Uncommon Occurrence. Perhaps,” the unicorn servant chuckled, her crystal mask sparkling in the candlelight. “A masquerade would do wonders for your nerves, after all, given this is your environment. Are you sure you’re ready, darling? She is going to be here, for certain.”

Lurker sighed and stood up, using her wings to balance herself as she transitioned from bean bag to floor. Her canary wings spread in their glory as she pushed her rear up in the air, eliciting a pleasurable groan as her forelegs stretched forward. Uncommon Occurrence nervously shuffled her hooves at the awkward sight, making a mental note to lay off the ero-literature. Once finished, Lurker began to pace.

“I’ve read every book in this section,” Lurker muttered as she paced by the bookshelf. “I’ve read every romance novel in this entire library, from the table of contents to the index. I’ve read fairy tales” -she gestured to the foal section- “and adult erotica.” She tossed the book she was reading off the table and to the confused servant. Uncommon shook her head and reshelved the book before following a furious Lurker.

“Noir fiction!” Lurker grunted as she passed by a shelf adjourned with fedoras and ties. One book fell off, flayed and littered with smoking bullet holes. Uncommon gulped, fearing Midnight’s wrath as her eyes took in the damage. Lurker tuckered on.

“Nonfiction!” They passed by a section of books with bread covers, for some odd apparent reason. Lurker's wings began to twitch angrily at her sides.

“And last, and probably least-” Lurker huffed and flared her wings out next to the last bookcase. “-Fan fiction!” Carefully, she used her wing to press the ON button, receiving a blast of cool air to calm her heating nerves. Sighing, she blinked her eyelids a few times before turning to Uncommon Occurrence, who was still looking at the incredible origami before her eyes.

“Regardless,” Lurker said, puffing out her chest, “I have read every book in this library, each fictional story in this entire collection, in my endeavor to research the perfect romantic solution to my woes. I will woo my fair prince...cess. I will do whatever I can within my power, my ultimate power as the Lurker… she is going to LOVE ME!” Lurker began to cackle, rubbing her hooves together as her eyes began to turn from blue to bloodshot.

When thunder boomed in the distance, Uncommon Occurrence knew it was time to intervene. She lowered her head and waited for the perfect shot. With a flash of sapphire magic, she quickly ripped the mask off the deranged mare.

Lurker immediately grew silent. Her body suddenly rocked, and then the sobs came.

“I’m a bad pony!” Lurker cried as she rolled on the ground, a small pool of salty tears collecting underneath. Uncommon Occurrence sighed and roll her eyes before nudging the anguished mare.

“Flutter- Er, Miss Lurker ,” Uncommon Occurrence interrupted the pegasus’s angst-ridden thoughts. The mask had an unsettling effect on her personality, sometimes to the point of insanity. “Perhaps we should focus on the good things you can do for your beloved. Weren’t you gushing about that lascivious Neighponese novel earlier?”

Lurker ceased her sobbing; her eyes shot open; with her heart beating once more and her veins on fire, the now-confident mare pulled herself up. “Yes!” she squealed, her eyes beginning to sparkle. “I can see it now! We’ll be at the party, yes, and drinking punch! Berry punch, her favorite! And Berry Punch’s favorite too! We’ll stand by, idly chatting as everypony enjoys their time, and- Ahem.” She cut off and glared at servant, her signature “stare” compelling Uncommon Occurrence to roll her eyes again. Her horn briefly glew blue. The room’s light turned pink; sparkles and cherry blossoms began to cascade from the ceiling.

“Yes!” Lurker clutched her chest with two hooves, her eyes turning into sparkling diamonds with cartoonish hearts for pupils. “As we drink and drink and chat, we’ll reach for the punch bowl at the same time. Our hooves will touch, and…” She blushed and brought her hooves to her cheeks, shaking her head back and forth. “She’ll look into my eyes, our souls will see- The eyes are the windows to the soul, right? She’ll see, no, she’ll know we’re meant for each other. Our eyes will close and we’ll lean forward until our muzzles touch. And then, and then-”

“Your lips will brush and then you’ll start making out here and there?” Uncommon Occurrence groaned, having heard the tale at least five times.

“Yes!” Flutter cried and pumped a hoof into the air. “She’ll take me then and there, with everypony watching! And it will be HOT!”

“You got that right, sweet thang,” a tomboyish voice chirped from behind a bookcase. Lurker and Uncommon Occurrence froze as a familiar pony revealed herself with a confident trot.

Disguised with a unique mask made of yellow sponge to resemble her favorite cartoon character, a rainbow-maned pegasus stood in all her glory before the shaking canary pegasus and surprised unicorn. With her bold and silky voice, she called out. “Hey.”

Uncommon Occurrence, consumed by her own desires and overwhelmed by the pegasus’s sexiness, brought a despaired hoof to her forehead and fainted. Lurker looked up from her vantage point and swallowed another sob. Rather, she stood up and trotted up to her crush, having learned her lesson long ago to not be afraid.

“Lurker,” the sponge-masked pegasus purred, her magenta eyes gleaming in the candlelight.

“Bob,” Lurker replied. Her slender legs shaking due to her anxiety, she asked, “You heard everything?”

“Everything.”

“You’re not mad?”

“Not even a little.”

“I bet you think I’m a nerd now…”

“No.” Bob placed her hoof on Lurker's lips, silencing her. Before her eyes, the rainbow pegasus kneeled down in front of her. Lurker's heart skipped a beat, an eruption of emotion flooding every fiber of her being. Bob reached into her saddlebag, pulling out a large, black box. She brought in front of her and held it up to Lurker. With a voice crafted by the angels themselves, she asked the question.

“Flutter the Lurker, will you be my waifu?” She opened the box, revealing a bag of nacho cheese doritos. Lurker nearly died; her heart threatened to give out in the moment she would forever remember as the greatest moment of her life, her blood rushing through with massive horsepower.

She bounced on her hind legs and clapped with her hooves, stars (literally) shining in her eyes. “Yes! Of course yes! All my yes!”

The room began to snow cherry blossoms once more as Bob stood up and set aside the best bag of doritos five bits could buy. Lurker's vision devoured the image before her, obscuring the background until it turned into a fine pink. A fine setting for their moment alone together.

The cyan pegasus cleared her throat and flexed her wings to get comfortable. Never again would she have lonely nights on a cloud floating over a barn, having to listen to the loud screams of prayer to the “Fashion God of Bucking.”

“Good.” Bob grinned, her pearly whites sparkling in the dim lighting. “Now let’s make out.”

“Okay!” Lurker cheered and threw herself onto Bob, wrapping her forelegs around the muscled neck and her hind legs around the barrel, toppling both ponies over onto the floor. Their passionate embrace lit the infernos in their souls, fanning the flames of romance in their lips as their hearts connected and became one.

And then they had sex.