What The Hay

by MeepyMeeper

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random
Length: 1312

A random collection of pony stories which have no coherent meaning. Blame Zytharros.

This is a random collection about ponies. Don't expect any coherency whatsoever. Partially inspired by Zytharros's story What the Heck.

Bleh tells the story of Princess Derplestia, Princess Fuma and the derpified mane six's battle against a giant oatmeal-born Queen Chrysalis action figure that is alive.

The Second Chapter tells the tale of three ponies: Shunset Wimmer, the smallest pony in existence (warning: she doesn't really die); Shummershane, the flattest pony in Equestria; and Sunset Shimmer. They swap places confusingly.

And roll the credits tells of you and the mane six randomly appearing at random times, in a car, with the credits rolling right towards you. You may or may not be squashed by them. Oh, and it's also a run-on sentence.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-06 19:30:03 UTC

Bleh

Bleh. Bleh blehbitty blehbetty bleh. So said Prunecess Twerplight Sturkle as she blehed her way down the street. Meanwhile, Rainbow Derp flew upside down with her tongue hanging out of her mouth and derped with every derpish derp, I mean flap, of her wings. And then Pinkie 3.14 came and said, "Oatmeal, are you crazy?" And the oatmeal replied "YES I AM CRAZY." And Pinkie 3.14 replied "No you're not, I'm the crazy one." And her cutie mark was crazy as well. It shot balloons at the oatmeal, which shot totally random and completely irrelevant Queen Chrysalis action figures at her. One of the action figures grew until it was ten feet tall and started yelling that it was a lawn mower. "You're not a lawn mower!" Fluttermeep meeped. "You're a ten foot tall monster!"

"I AM NOT A MONSTER!! I AM A LAWN MOWER!!" the action figure responded in a nasal voice that resonated throughout Equestria. And at its resonation Princess Derplestia raised her white muzzle and saw the ten foot tall action figure.

"FUNA WE HAVE TO GO NOW!" Derpleastia whose name was suddenly changed roared in a voice like thunder. And Funa and Derplostia whose name is ever-changing battled the action figure for a slice of 3.14. But then the slice of 3.14 turned out to be Pinkie 3.14, and Derplistia almost ate Pinkie 3.14. Luckily the oatmeal shot a Pokey Pierce action figure at Derplqestia and the Pokey Pierce's horn indeed did pierceth Derplxestiaeth's royaleth buttocketh. Derplrestia hopped around in pain, shouting "FUNA GET THIS STUPID THING OUT OF MY ROYAL BUTTOCK!!" But Funa was too busy banishing the Pokey Pierce to the sun. And when the Pokey Pierce was banished to the sun it grew  zeptillionfold and spun around and around in the sky. Then Colgate whose name is actually apparently Minuette appeared and advised everypony:

"Be sure to brush your teeth, kids, or else the world will descend into chaos! We will live in a world of moldy teeth and bacteria!"

And then Vinyl Thatch blasted her to the moon with Pinkie 3.14's cannon (but it was actually her own), but Colgate whose name is actually apparently Minuette dropped her toothbrush on the way to the moon and the toothbrush landed in Derplwstia's screaming mouth and she choked on it and Fuma had to get it out of Derpgstia's mouth. Fuma banished the toothbrush to the moon for good measure. And then the world was quiet for about 1.1893764729761479365973659173109739651907963917659173659797346597165917635 seconds, plus one zeptosecond (which actually exists because I read about it in National Geographic Kids, true story). And then Pinkie 3.14, Pruncess Twerplight Sturkle, Rainbow Derp, Fluttermeep, Applejerk, Raricurilque, Derplzstia and Fuma saw the ten foot tall action figure whom everyderpy had forgotten about. The ten foot tall action figure screamed, I WILL KILL YOU ALL and she goobled them up. I mean gobbbled. I mean boddled. I mean gobbled. There, I got it right. And Fuma blasted them all. I have no idea what I'm writing.

OCTURDIA IS BEST PONY

And roll the credits

The show is over, the credits are rolling, this run-on sentence is too, you better buckle your seatbelts says Fluttershy, and there won't be any quotation marks in this sentence either, and oh look there's rainbow dash, come on rainbow dash, join the fun, and rainbow dash jumps into the car and the car goes screeching towards the rolling credits which are rolling towards the car and rainbow dash screams oh no we're gonna die and applejack who has suddenly appeared in the car grabs rainbow dash and fluttershy grabs you and twilight sparkle and pinkie pie and rarity who are somehow also in the car are screaming their heads off and fluttershy is screaming her head off while holding you in a death grip and applejack and rainbow dash are screaming their heads off and holding each other in a death grip and the credits are rolling towards all of you and you're deaf and you can't feel anything because of Fluttershy and you roar. thanks a lot fluttershy for making my last moments be where I can't feel anything and I can't hear anything and Fluttershy meeps, i'm sorry, but you can't hear her because you're deaf and you still can't feel anything and then the credits hit a rock and go flying over the car and the rolling part doesn't hit you but now you're covered in little white letters that say cast fluttershy and twilight sparkle and rainbow dash and pinkie pie and applejack and rainbow dash and no capital letters anymore for some inexplicable reason and you, all of which are in a car, and the black background of the credits covers you all like a blanket. And then you wake up and the entire run-on sentence was a dream. Phew. And then Pinkie 3.14 pops out and screams NO IT WASN'T and then you wake up again and the title is eating you and then you wake up for good. Inception. Even though I've never seen the movie. The end.

The Second Chapter

Shunset Wimmer was not Sunset Shimmer. But everypony seemed to think she was. Shunset Wimmer was an inch tall and therefore the smallest pony in existance. And then one beautiful day Twilight Sparkle dropped a book on her. The end. Of Shunset Wimmer. Not the end of the story.

There was another pony called Shummershane. Shummershane was pink. She hated her name. She thought it was the stupidest name in the history of stupid names. She also hated her mane, and thought it was the stupidest mane in the history of stupid manes that were green. And Shummershane was not Pinkie Pie. But everypony seemed to think she was. And then one glorious morning Derpy Hooves dropped an anvil on her. Shummershane is now the flattest pony in all of Equestria.

One day Shummershane came across Sunset Shimmer and Sunset Shimmer was all like "EVERYPONY THINKS I'M AN IMPOSTER BECAUSE THEY THOUGHT SHUNSET WIMMER WAS ME BUT SHE'S NOT I MEAN SHE WASN'T I'M SUNSET SHIMMER NOT ANYPONY ELSE."

And Shummershane replied, "I KNOW THE FEEL SIS. EVERYPONY SEEMS TO THINK I'M PINKIE PIE, EVEN THOUGH MY HAIR IS RED AND ORANGE AND MY COAT IS YELLOW AND I AM A UNICORN AND MY CUTIE MARK IS THIS WEIRD SUN THING. OMG I'M NOT FLAT ANYMORE! HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?" Then she looked at Sunset Shimmer. "WOW YOU'RE FLAT AND YOUR HAIR IS GREEN AND YOU'RE PINK. WAIT WHAT HAPPENED? DID WE SWITCH?"

And Sunset Shimmer who now looked like Shummershane said, "NO, BUT OUR BODIES DID. MWAHAHA, NOW YOURE THE NON-SUNSET SHIMMER THAT EVERYONE THINKS IS. AND I WILL JUST BE THE NON-PINKIE PIE WHICH IS A LOT BETTER THAN BEING THE NON-SUNSET SHIMMER BECAUSE PEOPLE WILL THINK I'M INSANE AND I'M PINKIE PIE AND OOH LOOK AT THAT THINKGEEK FREE SHIPPING ON 75 DOLLARS PLUS, IT HAS RAINBOW DASH AND PINKIE PIE PLUSHIES FOR 19.95 AND SOME WEIRD CAT-OCTOPUS-TYPE-THING FOR ONLY 29.99 I'M GONNA BUY IT."

She clicked on the ad and lo and behold she got a virus. 'ASDFNOUUAHEOUHTAETHUOAHETAET I HAVE A VIRUS SOMEBODY GET MALWARELESS OR WHATEVER THAT PROGRAM IS THAT DELETES VIRUSES!" Her face became distorted and Shummershane was scared and Shummershane ran away.

And Shummershane became the new Sunset Shimmer. And Pinkie Pie, I mean Sunset Shimmer, the real one, was virused to the end of her days, and Shunset Wimmer came back to life inside her and came out of Sunset Shimmer and said "I'M THE ONE WHO GAVE YOU THE VIRUS AS PAYBACK FOR KILLING ME."

And Sunset Shimmer screamed. 'I DIDN'T KILL YOU!!!!"

Shunset Wimmer laughed. "WHO CARES I'M A MUFFIN." And a muffin hopped away from Sunset Shimmer and was eaten by Derpy Hooves, who didn't die. The end.