Warning - may not contain [Awesome]
Rainbow Dash awoke with a great rumbly in her tumbly. “[Awesome] me with a lightning bolt but I am starving.” she said while rolling out of bed. Only to have her rear hoof catch in the sheets and face plant on the hard cirrus surface of her floor. “Ow, [Awesome] floor.” she cursed, bemoaning her noses [Awesome] fate as she rubbed her muzzle. Finally, after much much more bemoaning, she made it to her quite spacious kitchen and threw the fridge door wide open and stepped inside. “Now what should I have for lunch?” she asked herself because that's something she does. Inspecting the row upon rows of shelves filled to bursting with all manner of foodstuff. Rainbow Dash set about finding the perfect meal for Equestria's greatest pony. “Arugula? Too arugula-y. Celery? Nah. Oats and hay? What am I? A [Awesome] horse?” Rainbow Dash pulled an offended yuck face at the square bale of hay sitting in a lonely corner of her warehouse sized walk-in refrigerator. A refrigerator that was much too large for the cloud house it was placed in. “maybe I could get scoots to eat it. I bet I could get her to do anything if I said it was cool enough.” Rainbow dash's face scrunched up like she just bit into something sour. “except fly apparently. Now where was -”
A wild Pinkie Pie appears. “Hey Dashie exclamation point!”
“Oh hey Pinks. I can't decide what I should have for breakfast. I was thinking either radishes or spaghetti with [awesome]. Now that I think about it I'm kind of in the mood for horse puns.” Rainbow Dash Rubbed her chin sagely while apparently deep in thought. Which was probably only kiddie pool deep, tops. “Is Cannibalism a verb?”
pinkie pie giggled like her life depended on it. “That's a trick question silly and besides you can't eat words, That's Twilight's job. The answer is obviously candy or cupcakes or pony-cola but not [Strawberries] because [Cuttlefish] is gross.” Pinkie pie grabbed Rainbow dash by the scruff of her neck and stared deep into her pony soul. “if you ever disrespect my preferred beverage by drinking the pretender who shall not be named even though I just named them forty three words ago I period. Will period. End period. You period. got that question mark?”
Rainbow dash rolled her eyes “That's your answer to everything”
“Go sugar or go home is my motto.”
“well [Awesome] your sugar and the cart it rode in on.”
“okie dokie period.”
“I mean its cool and stuff and junk and other stuff that you like that sort of thing. But I'm the greatest athlete who ever and will ever live. To perform the greatest aerial feats in the history of forever I need something satisfying and fulfilling. Sugar is nothing but empty carbs and disappointment.” Rainbow dash said.
“I know, that's what my parents said too.” Pinkie pie slumped to the floor while looking like somepony had just kicked her metaphorical gummy gator in the gummy sads. (Twilight did it)
Princess Twilight Sparkle popped into existence in front of the two mares with a purple flash and a thunderclap. (also purple). Her wings outstretched as she struck a regal pose. An ethereal fanfare trumpeted in the distance, signaling her arrival. “Did somepony mention books?” She said in a poor imitation of the royal Canterlot voice. Luna would later shake her head in disappointment upon hearing it.
“Nope.” Rainbow dash said, not at all phased by this turn of events as she rummaged through a shelf of week old magazines.
“Well that's odd I'm pretty sure my Bookdar was pinging this location.” Twilight shrugged “oh well, I've been wrong before.” She turned to her two friends with an intense gaze that sent cold shivers down their spines. Or it could have been the chill air of the refrigerator, it was anyone's guess really. “So what are you girls up to?”
“I'm a disappointment and my life is meaningless.” Pinkie said dejectedly.
Twilight sent a questioning glance Rainbow dash's way, who gave a shrug in reply. “Okay.” Twilight said, dragging out the word. “Besides the obvious I mean.”
“I'm looking for breakfast!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed with just a tad too much enthusiasm.
Twilight folded her front legs over her chest and shot a flat look at her colorful friend. “It's three in the afternoon.”
“Well, when your as [awesome] cool as I am, you can have breakfast whenever you please.” Rainbow Dash said as she nonchalantly pretended to nonchalantly inspect a hoof.
“Uh huh.” Twilight arched an eyebrow exactly three point two degrees off kilter.
The forces of quiet skepticism clashed with cool indifference in a tepid clash of wills the likes of which pony kind has never seen and most likely will never see again. At least until until next Thursday when the bridge club meets at the local bowling alley. Pinkie Pie yawned, her sorrows temporarily forgotten as she caught sight of the hardly momentous battle before her. It was becoming quite clear to her that this entire afternoon was hardly worth mentioning and she was sorely tempted to wash her hooves of the whole sordid affair.
The tension in the room skyrocketed like a geriatric purse snatcher using the public bus transit as a get away cart. (future Twilight did it).
Twilight narrowed her eyes and her eyebrows dipped low, forming a perpendicular line that a straight edged ruler couldn't find fault with. Drops of sweat beading on her forehead despite the cool air of the refrigerator. Rainbow Dash switched hooves nonchalantly, the faintest shimmer of concentration evident in her expressive eyes. Pinkie Pie cut the tension in the air with a knife and took a bite. “Blech gym socks.” she exclaimed while pawing furiously at her tongue with her hooves in an attempt to scrape the taste off.
“Twilight.” Rainbow Dash said.
“Rainbow Dash.” twilight said.
“Flinkie Fly.” Pinkie Pie said around her outstretched tongue.
“Don't you have [awesome] princess stuff to do?” Rainbow dash asked while inspecting the back of her hoof.
“Don't you have a wonderful [booking] breakfast to find?” Twilight shot back.
With a slurp Pinkie retracted her tongue. “[Sausages]” Pinkie chimed in helpfully. “I'm helping.” she stated.
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “Yes Pinkie, we know.”
Twilight slid her front hoof against the floor and snorted. “so, what sort of dietary regimen are you following.”
“The [Awesome] kind. You wouldn't understand” Rainbow dash said
“Try me.” Twilight countered.
Pinkie Pie opened her mouth to speak.
“Yes Pinkie, we know.” Twilight interjected. Pinkie closed her mouth and harumphed.
“It doesn't involve a nosy princess, I'll say that much.” Rainbow Dash said.
“Oh yeah? Well, I bet you don't have a dietary plan. In fact I think your just lazy.” Twilight said.
“Am not!.”
“Are too!”
“Am not!”
“Are too!”
Pinkie once again opened her mouth to speak.
“Yes Pinkie, we [awesome books] know!” The Two combatants shouted at the same time.
Pinkie shrugged. “Alrighty than.”
“As much as I would love to stay and continue discussing your dietary plans.” Princess Twilight Sparkle Made air quotes with her hooves at the word 'dietary'. “ I have real and important princess related problems to deal with. Good day.”
"Hey wait!" Pinkie Pie shouted.
"I said good day!" Twilight exclaimed and with a curt nod she popped out of existence with a reverse thunderclap. (It was whatever color the opposite of purple is. Beige probably.)
Pinkie Pie sighed. It wasn't a sad sound, just bored. Awkward silence reigned in the refrigerator. She amused herself by tracing circles on the floor with her hoof while Rainbow Dash continued looking for her breakfast and muttering to herself while occasionally throwing the random food item over her shoulder.
Eventually Rainbow Dash slumped to the floor. “I don't know Pinks, maybe Twilight is right. I am kind of [awesome].”
“Nah.” Pinky replied with a fake grin that would send Applejack into a fit of hysterics if she were present. Casting her eyes about the room for anything to distract her friend, they settled on a shelf and Pinkie grabbed the nearest box in her freaky velcro covered pony hooves (or something). “what about this?” Pinky began reading the box cover in her high pitched and generally way too cheerful for any given situation voice. “Awesome-O's an awesome part of a complete breakfast.” She squinted in an attempt to read the small print at the bottom. “Warning awesome has not been identified by the P.F.D.A.A. (Pony Food Death Awareness Association) as an actual ingredient or even edible, seriously you shouldn't eat this.”
“That's exactly what I was looking for!” Rainbow Dash swept the madly pink baker pony into a bone crushing pony hug. “Pinky your a genius”
“Well, duh.” Pinkie replied like it was the most obvious thing in world, which perhaps it was.
Rainbow Dash was too busy cramming the awesomely delicious and aptly named Awesome-O's down her throat to comment further on Pinkies genius. “Sweet [awesome] Celestia on roller skates!” Rainbow dash bellowed around a spraying mouthful of greasy awesome bits. “these are awesome!” rainbow Dash chugged the entire box of dry cereal before collapsing in a twitchy heap.
“Oh my gosh! Dashie are you ok?” Pinkie Pie poked her comatose pony friend. “Can you hear me?” Pinkie prodded her again. “you dead?” Another poke. Pinky frowned, deep in thought. “Can I have your stuff?” She grabbed Rainbow Dash's head and moved it in a nodding motion. “Thanks Dashie your the best friend ever.” Than pinkie trotted away into the (metaphorical) sunset while humming a jaunty tune. No doubt to go check out all her new swag.
Laying on the cold floor of her walk-in refrigerator Rainbow Dash stared upwards with unblinking eyes as she swam through a sea of colors. “So awesome.” She whispered reverently.
“Oh looky here, a signed wonderbolt's poster in pristine condition with matching trading cards and autobiographies.” Pinkie Pie pulled a permanent marker pen out of her pink poofy tail and giggled. “I never knew spitfire had a mustache. You handsome [cabbage], you.”
Finish
