Chapters Ponies. Ruin. EVERYTHING!
"I wanna be the very best.”
“I wanna be the very best.”
“Hello there. Welcome to the world of Pokemon,” the brown furred earth pony in the lab coat states. His gray mane and tail seeming frozen in place,unmoving as he spoke, though for some reason his mouth didn't seem to be moving either.
His brown eyes stare blankly into the space above the pink maned head of the mare before him.
“Ummm hello,” mutters Fluttershy. “I'm here....”
“My name is Oak! Ponies call me the Pokemon Professor,” the pony states his eyes not yet having seemed to focus on anything other than the wall behind her. Fluttershy was going to question it, but thought perhaps his eyes might have the same issue as the mail mare's and she didn't want to seem rude.
“This world is inhabited by creatures called Pokemon!” Oak continues.
“Creatures? You mean animals? Ooh ….,” Fluttershy's ears perk up at this.
“For some ponies Pokemon are pets. Others use them for fights,” Oak rambles on not even noticing Fluttershy was no longer paying attention as she looked around the room for the new type of animals.
“Myself I study Pokemon as a profession,” Oak monotones.
“Oh that's nice where are they? I don't see any critters in here?,” Fluttershy responds completely ignored by Oak.
“First are you a girl or a boy?” Oak asks.
“Umm excuse me?” Fluttershy questions though Oak simply continues to stare. “Um, you can't tell? Oh I’m sorry your eyes, um yes I’m a mare.”
“What is you name?”
“Fluttershy.”
“Right! So your name is Flutter!”
“No, it's Fluttershy....” Fluttershy responds her ears flattening as Oak ignores her.
Another brown pony appears though this one much younger looking with spiky blue hair and a some what out of fashion neighties retro look to him.
“This is my grandson. He's been your rival since you were a foal.” Oak rambles.
“Umm, I hate to point this out, but I don't think I have ever seen this pony before....” Fluttershy points out only to be ignored. “ I mean I don't think I have a rival....”
“....Erm, what was his name again?” Oak questions.
“I really don't know what his name is, I have never met him before,” Fluttershy protests.” Shouldn't you know if he's your grandson?”
“That's right! I remember now! His name is Ireally!” Oak nearly shouts.
“That's an odd name....,” Fluttershy mutters looking over at the young pony. “Oh. Sorry I didn't mean that. It's a nice name, really.”
“Flutter!” Oak yells suddenly. “Your very own Pokemon legend is about to unfold!”
“Umm that's nice.... I think.” Fluttershy meeps.
“A world of dreams and adventures with Pokemon awaits! Lets go!” Oak screams
“Is your grandfather always this excitable?” Fluttershy questions the young pony who simply shrugs.
“Gramps, I’m fed up with waiting!” Ireally states looking annoyed.
“Ireally? Let me think.....” Oak responds.
“Does he have a prescription medication he isn't taking maybe?” Fluttershy asks Ireally.
“Oh, that's right I told you to come!” Oak replies happily. “Just wait! Here Flutter! There are three Pokemon here!”
“Really where?” Fluttershy prances all excited.
“HaHa! They are inside the poke balls,” Oak responds
“Poke balls?” Fluttershy looks around seeing a trio of tiny red and white balls on the table. “Ummm are they really tiny animals? Maybe bugs? What sort of critters can fit in these little things?”
Oak rambles on. ”When I was young I was a serious Pokemon Trainer!”
“Can they breath in there? I don't see any air holes.....,” Fluttershy questions poking one of the balls with a hoof. She yelps and ducks as the ball pops open and a flash of light erupts from it.
“In my old age I have only three left.” Oak sighs wistfully. “ But you can have one!”
Oak stops talking and winces as Fluttershy lets loose a sudden high pitched squee. He looks over, eyes finally focusing on the yellow pegasus who was practicably smothering Spike in a hug. The little dragon was not amused at the cuddling, nor the fact that all his scales were painted orange and yellow, and there was a flashlight taped to his tail
“He is the cutest little dragon lizard ever.” Fluttershy giggles.
“Some pony is gonna pay for this,” grumbles Spike. A light cough from Oak gets a death glare from the little dragon. “Fine..... Chaaaaar..........happy now?”
“Do you want to give a nickname to Charmander?” Oak questions.
“Don't you dare!” Spike points at Fluttershy who giggles.
“It's okay Spike, I know your name.” Fluttershy smiles.
Flutter received a Spike<
“Huh, who said that?” Spike questions.
“I don't know, this place is kinda strange,” Fluttershy responds.
“I'll take this one then! “announces Ireally. The pony trots over to one of the poke balls grabbing it with a hoof.
Ireally received a Squirtle!<
“There it is again.” mutters Spike as he and Fluttershy look around for the source. Not finding one Fluttershy shrugs and starts towards the door.
“Umm I guess we can leave? Come on Spike let's go wash that paint off you. What was it like in that little ball?”
“Dark and kinda crowded, it had a full wifi bar though.” Spike responds.
The pair start to walk off though Ireally rushes up on them.
“Wait Flutter!” Ireally yells.
“It's Fluttershy.....”
“Let's check out our Pokemon!” Ireally continues ignoring her correction.
“Oh dear ,I think it might be hereditary.....” Fluttershy mutters looking at Oak.
“Come on! I'll take you on!” Ireally yells.
“What?” Spike questions.
Ireally wants to fight<
“Who keeps saying that?” Spike growls looking up at the ceiling
“Fight? Why do you want to fight, we just met?” Fluttershy meeps.” Did I do something wrong? I didn't mean to point out your mental disorder....”
Ireally sent out Squirtle!<
The brown colt throws the poke ball he took from the table. It pops open to reveal Rainbow Dash's pet tortoise Tank. Tank, like Spike, was not exactly happy, as some one had painted him bright blue and some how had given his tail a perm that curled it up against the back of his shell.
“They got you too huh?” Spike grumbles.
Go Spike!<
“Go? Go where?” Spike questions
“Squirtle use tackle!” Ireally shouts.
Spike watches as the tortoise slowly walks over to him and bumps into his leg.
“Umm what?” Spike questions.
“Err, what are you doing?” Fluttershy asks .
“A Pokemon battle! You train Pokemon up to fight each other, to challenge other trainers and win badges before going after the elite four!” Ireally states. “I can't wait to take down those world famous Pokemon trainers!”
“You.... you make the animals fight each other?” Fluttershy mutters looking down at Spike standing there with a very annoyed expression as Tank keeps bumping into his leg.
“Of course! That is the world of Pokemon!” Oak shouts from across the room , still staring into space.
“That.... that's terrible.” Fluttershy mutters the air crackling around her.
“Uh oh.” Spike gasps, grabbing Tank and diving behind the table.
“You cram the poor things into little balls, and make them fight each other ? Why would you do that?” Fluttershy questions.
“That's the way of things here. Pokemon are made for fighting!” Oak shouts. Ireally however had a bit more common sense and was backing away from the very angry looking mare.
“How dare you..... HOW DARE YOU!” Fluttershy screams out.
====================================================
Twilight looks at the TV screen as the building explodes in a ball of fire. Two brown earth ponies shoot off into the air like a rocket vanishing from view in the sky with a twinkle.
Thunder rolls as a very ticked off yellow pegasus rushes out of the building screaming bloody murder at anyone around her. The rampaging mare rushes out of the town charging into the tall grass towards the trainers in the field.
“I GOT YOUR DRYING PAN RIGHT HERE” Fluttershy screams out along with the sound of something burning and the clang of metal.
Twilight sighs.” Okay, who thought it was a good idea to put Fluttershy into a Pokemon story?”
“And how did your Rattata get that high!!?!? FIGHTING?! WANNA KNOW WHAT THAT FELT LIKE TO HIM YOU COLT PUNK!!” shouts Fluttershy acompained by the sound of cracking bone and screaming.
Pinkie Pie, Applejack ,and Discord all look up from the TV at Twilight, then as one they point to the little black rabbit sitting on the other side of the room with a smirk on his face.
“TEAM ROCKET THIS!!” hollers Fluttershy along with the sound of shredding material and something heavy hitting a wall.
Twilight sighs rubbing her forehead with a hoof. “This will not end well.”
“Who gives a buck about your shorts!!!” Fluttershy yells accompanied by an explosion.
TDR presents
Ponies. Ruin. EVERYTHING!
OR
Rule 85 in action.
Author's Note
based more on the first Pokemon game than the TV series.
This is what happens when i get a wild idea and simply roll with it.
I have no idea where or even if i am going any where with this .
Ponies. Ruin. EVERYTHING!
Ponies. Ruin. Everything!
“Supplies”
60's disco music starts playing as a Diamond Dog rushes though an ally turning around as he knocks boxes aside firing a crossbow back into the other end of the ally.
NEXT WEEK, ON E62. <
The Diamond Dog stumbles over the boxes and falls face first to the ground.
SHE'S BACK.<
A gold covered hoof steps in front of the dogs face. The Diamond dog slowly lifts his gaze up the white furred leg.
AND THIS TIME, SHE'S MAD!<
The Dog's gaze finally reaches the top of the leg to show a rather disappointed looking Celestia with her mane missing and a lead pipe gripped in her magic, glaring down at the fallen Diamond Dog.
GHANDEITY TWO!<
The scene shifts to a group of Shadow Bolts trotting down the street.
NO MORE MISS PASSIVE RESISTANCE.<
One of them draws a knife as Celestia steps out in front of them waving her hoof towards them in the come here gesture.
SHE'S OUT TO KICK SOME FLANK!<
The Shadow Bolts rush her. She grabs one of their wings kicking the pony in the jaw before catching another that tried to jump on her and flips him into a wall. She turns and kicks out with her hind legs hitting another in the chest and flinging him into a dumpster.
THIS IS ONE BAD MOTHER YOU DON'T WANNA MESS WITH.<
The one with the knife moves up and she whips about suddenly driving her horn through his chest. Another drops out of the sky and she whips her wing back knocking him to the ground, her wing snatches the dagger from his muzzle and holds it to his neck.
“Do not move you parasprite dropping.” Celesta stats.
SHE'S A ONE MARE WRECKING CREW.<
The scene changes and Celestia rolls up to a building in her golden chariot being pulled by several Guard Pegasi. She hops out as a griffon runs up and grabs the bird by the head with her hoof slamming it's head repeatedly into the side of her chariot.
BUT SHE ALSO KNOWS HOW TO PARTY!<
The scene changes to show Celestia strutting down a red carpet with a rather scantily clad Rarity to her left and Twilight to her right. A bunch of other ponies mill around the trio snapping pictures though staying respectfully out of her way.
The scene shifts with Celestia seated at a table, Twilight and Rarity on either side of looking over menus. Doughnut Joe trots up dressed as a waiter looking down at them.
“Give me a steak, medium rare,” orders Celestia.
“HEY BALDY!” shouts a voice that sounds like Discord from the other side of the restaurant.
THERE IS ONLY ONE LAW.<
Celestia whips her head around glaring. She flips the table sending the waiter, Rarity and Twilight diving for cover and pulls out a massive party cannon firing it recklessly across the crowded restaurant towards the heckler.
HER LAW!<
The restaurant explodes as Celestia smirks still rapidly firing the cannon.
GHANDEITY TWO!<
********************************
“Well that was ….. strange.” comments Applejack as the commercial goes off.
“Ehh, it's not bad, but I prefer Fluttershy's Wild Kingdom. “Pinkie Pie states. “ Yesterday I learned that turtles are natures suction cups!”
“Errrr, ooookay” AJ mutters.
Author's Note
UHF for the win!!!
Ponies. Ruin. EVERYTHING!
“Can you smeeeeeeeeeeeeeellllllll”
Ponies. Ruin. EVERYTHING!
“Can you smeeeeeeeeeeeeeellllllll”
“OH BY CELESTIA DID YOU SEE THAT APPLEJACK!!” Rainbow Dash shouts a microphone in her hoof as she stands up behind the podium pointing to ring. The cyan mare was dressed in a royal purple robe with a crown perched haphazardly on her head.
A massive crowd of ponies behind them on the other side of a retaining wall scream out. A gray unicorn stallion with amber colored hair, wearing a black and purple spandex outfit and mask, lifts a brown earth pony in a blue spandex outfit that looks like a police box over his head with his hooves and slams him down on to the ring floor causing the whole thing to bounce.
“AND THE DEMON OF DULLAHAN BODY SLAMS THE TIME LORD TO THE MAT CAN THIS MATCH GET ANY MORE EXCITING!!!??” Dash screams as AJ adjusts her cowboy hat a little and nods trying not to get too wrapped up in the insanity of her friend.
The unicorn clamors up one of the posts on the side of the square ring before leaping off into the air and crashing down heavily atop of the earth pony.
“FIVE BEAST HARMONY SPLASH ,DID YOU SEE THAT AJ!?” Dash freaks out.
“Yeah ah saw it..... and the refs in the ring now.....” AJ monotones.
A zebra with a mo-hawk slides into the ring slapping her hoof on the mat as the unicorn pins the earth pony.
“And that's the ten count!” states AJ into her mic as the crowd roars. She reaches up grabbing Dash by the tail and pulls her back down to her seat as the pegasus starts to float away in the awesome.
The ref moves over to the side of the stage grabbing a large gold belt and bringing it back to give to the unicorn. The stallion roars out holding the belt over his head and screaming back at the crowd as he paces around the stage. The earth pony groans rolling off the side of the ring under the ropes and rushes off back stage.
“And so the Demon of Dullahan retains the Equestrian championship title belt, defending it yet again from another challenger.” Applejack rambles off.
“Wait what's this!? Dash shouts.
A blue pegasus dressed like a Wonderbolt with windswept dark blue hair glides down landing lightly behind the parading unicorn. The Demon of Dullahan turns just in time to be slammed in the face by a chair by the pegasus.
“WHERE THE HECK DID WONDER BOLT COME FROM?” Rainbow Dash screams nearly losing her crown.
“He was supposed to be out with a wing strain after his fight with the with the Super Chief.” AJ calls out.
“Yeah that buffalo packed a wallop I thought for sure Wonderbolt wouldn't make it!” Dash yells as the Wonderbolt repeatedly beats the crap out of the unicorn with the folding chair.
“I guess he couldn't pass up a chance at the title. It may have been a mistake by the Demon to have an open challenge any where any time for the belt. Seems his arrogance might have finally.... Wait now what!?” AJ explains.
Rightsaidfred's I’m too sexy starts blaring and a red earth pony stallion with black hair gallops down the stage ramp towards the ring. The stallions spandex suit was covered in red hearts and arrows. The stallion reaches the retaining wall running up it before leaping into the air and soaring over the ring ropes to smash into the pegasus.
“OH BY CELESTIA'S FIRM SLAPPABLE PLOT IT IS THE BIG RED LOVE MACHINE HIMSELF. THE DEMON'S FORMER TAG TEAM PARTNER.!” Dash screams getting pulled back down to her seat by AJ again.
“The question is though, did Big Red come down here to help his former teammate or to get the belt himself?” AJ questions
The red earth pony stares down at the unicorn on the mat, the unicorn stares up at him with a bit of worry on his masked face. The red stallion lifts a hoof offering it to the unicorn who takes it and is pulled back up to his hooves. The pair of ponies nod to each other before rushing over and starting to stomp the pegasus.
“WHAT A REVERSAL THIS IS UNHEARD OF IN THIS ARENA!!” Dash screams her voice starting to go a little horse.
Another set of theme music starts to play and Both the Demon of Dullahan and the Big Red Love Machine turn away from the cringing Wonderbolt as the ramp leading backstage explodes in a series of fireworks as a massive red stallion with blond hair in a black spandex suit steps out glaring at the pair in the ring. Johnny Cash's 'When the man comes around,' starts blaring in the background.
“By the stars it's THE BIG EEYUP.!” AJ suddenly shouts. “ this match has just gotten even betta!”
The massive stallion thunders down the ring yanking out one of the corner posts to climb in before slamming it back into it's spot and looming over the two smaller contestants. The pegasus recovers enough to hop up and land next to the newcomer a grin on his face.
“WAIT WONDERBOLT AND THE BIG EEYUP ARE WORKING TOGETHER? WHAT A TWIST!” Rainbow Dash screams her voice finally giving out.
**************************
“Lulu are you watching that EWF thing again?” Celestia questions trotting into the living room looking over at the TV then to her sister who sat with rapt attention on the edge of the couch. “ How can you watch this drivel sister? It is all staged you know.”
“It matters not if it is real my dear Tia. It features attractive muscular stallions in tight fitting clothing that shows off thine assets quite nicely. How does thou not like to witness such things?”Luna retorts her eyes not leaving the screen.
Celestia blinks looking at her sister then the TV As the Big Red Love machine was Flung out of the ring by the Wonderbolt, and the Demon of Dullahan was trying to put a sleeper hold on The Big Eeyup.
“Move over sister.....”Celestia mutters shoeing her sister to one side of the couch.
Author's Note
Wrastling, is there a finer faux sport?
And yes that was a cameo by SiS's very own Jer'rahd and Rhede, with Zecora as the ref!
Ponies. Ruin. EVERYTHING!
Ponies. Ruin. EVERYTHING!
Monday the 9th
Rainbow Dash stared down at horror at the body of Rarity, lying in a pool of red that surrounded her still form. The crimson soaked into her white coat,staining it, as she lay motionless on the cabins floor.
“Chh chh chh..... ahh ahh ahh...”
She shuddered remembering how much effort she had put into getting her friend to come out camping with her when Applejack had been too busy. This was supposed to be a nice relaxing trip, but now......
“Chh chh chh..... ahh ahh ahh...”
Now She was going to have to find some way to tell the others Rarity was dead, provided she survived long enough to make it back to Ponyville.
“Chh chh chh..... ahh ahh ahh...”
Dash's eyes widened at the sound, her ears perked up listening as the strange noise sounded again.
“Chh chh chh..... ahh ahh ahh...”
She flung open the door, with a last look at the growing pool of red under her friend, before darting out of the cabin and running down to the beach. The light lap of the water against the shore line didn't obscure the sound that barely stayed on the edge of her hearing.
“Chh chh chh..... ahh ahh ahh...”
Dash glanced back to the cabin swearing it came from there, if she could find the source maybe she could find out who killed Rarity and take them out. She owed her friend that much to at least try. Wait was it getting louder?
“Chh chh chh..... ahh ahh ahh...”
The drip of water drew her attention back to the lake and then to the dark figure standing in the water barely six feet from her. Dash's eyes widen looking at the dark form before her. It stood taller than a pony, upright on two legs, it was covered in seaweed and baggy dripping clothing, it held something in it's grip that looked like a bloodied length of red gore, maybe a pipe, or a machete. It's face was hidden from view by a mask that looked like it was taken from Zecora's hut.
“Chh chh chh..... ahh ahh ahh...”
Dash's ears flatted as the thing started to move towards her, she took off like a shot across the beach, momentarily forgetting she could fly as she ran.
“Chh chh chh..... ahh ahh ahh...”
She glanced back seeing the figure was no longer in the lake. Her eyes widened wondering where it went before she tripped, tumbling across the ground to land with a hard thud on her back.
“Chh chh chh..... ahh ahh ahh...”
Dash groaned hearing the thud of a hoof near her head. She opens her eyes her ears flatting in panic as the thing stood over her.
“Chh chh chh..... ahh ahh ahh...”
Dash whimpered as the creature lifted its arm up pointing the dripping mess of red at dashes face, the instrument of death surely covered with Rarity's blood.
“Chh chh chh..... ahh ahh ahh...”
The thing reached up to it's mask slowly lifting it and Dash shut her eyes expecting the end.
“So what do you think I should call it Dashie? I asked Rarity but she fainted when i spilled some on her.“
Dashes eyes snap open to see Pinkie Pie's face under the mask as she holds up the object in her hoof.The pink pony looks over the long pastry curiously before looking back down at Dash.
“Chh chh chhchimmy cherry, or cherry changah ah ah.” Pinkie questions.
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” screams Dash.
===========================================================
Roseluck, Daisy and Lily all scream out loud along with Dash, even though the pegasus was only on TV. The bounce about and try to hide behind one another. The couch, having none of their nonsense, flips over backwards dumping the struggling Flower Trio onto the floor in an explosion of ponies and popcorn.
“The horror, the horror.....” mutters Lily.
Ponies. Ruin. EVERYTHING!
Ponies. Ruin. EVERYTHING!
“Black Leather Couch”
The ringing of the doorbell drew the mares attention away from where she sat flipping through the channels on TV. The cream colored earth pony rose from her couch, trotting to the door. Her hips swayed suggestively with each placement of her hooves and her over sized breasts barely managed to remain contained in the cow pattern bikini she wore.
She pauses at the door as it rings again, fluffing up her rather bouncy blue hair, before opening the door and stepping back as a stallion stepped in. The outside of the room looked like another room though a fake potted plant had been placed outside the door to give the impression that it led outside.
The tall, muscular stallion was a brown earth pony with a green mane, dressed in a pizza delivery uniform. In one hoof he held a rather large box with the word 'pizza' scrawled on the top of it in black magic marker.
“Ehh ah got a pizza here fer a miss Debra....” the stallion states as if he was trying hard not to flub lines, speaking with a with a strange mix of southern and Manhatten accents.
“Oh just call me Debby,” the mare turns looking over her rather scantily clad form. “Oh no, I seem to have left my wallet some where else. Whatever should I do?”
“Ah think ah ken suggest something, as a alternate form of payment.” the stallion responds looking off screen a little as if reading from a cue card.
“Oh my” the mare gasps as the stallion steps in kissing her and pushing her back towards the couch, tossing the empty box to the side.
=================================================
“Oh no, there goes my top” giggles the mare from the screen.
A young earth pony colt sits in front of the TV his eyes wide and the little propeller on his hat spinning madly as he stares at the screen.
A sudden thud of a door closing has the dark brown colt fumbling for the control and switching the channel rapidly as a cream colored pony with brown hair trots past carrying a bag of groceries. She trots back a moment later after putting the bag in the kitchen and glances at the TV and then to her son. She stops looking at the TV again and raises an eyebrow.
“The stock market channel Button? Rather odd choice for you.”
“Umm well, I just was, yah know, just,err planning for the future, hehehe.” Button chuckles.
“MMMhmmmm.” the mare trots out as the colt lets out an held breath.
“Oh by the way Button, the Pay and Watch bill came in the mail earlier, and you're ground until you're twenty three.” the mare's voice calls from the kitchen.
“A FENÉBE!” shouts Button in Hungarian, throwing the remote down at the couch only to have it bounce back and smack him in the face knocking him to the floor.
Author's Note
This is the closest to clop writing from me you will ever see.
Button Mash and his mom are owned by their owner, porno mare is based of milkmare and is owned by their owner, the stallion was in one of the apple episodes so yah can figure who he's owned by being the only canon char in this mess.
Black Leather Couch is a joke of course on the infamous porn couch that seems to be in all old 70-90s bad porno.
HA HA EXPOSITION!
Ponies. Ruin. EVERYTHING!
Ponies. Ruin. EVERYTHING!
S.I.F.F.
In a dark room a thing sat. A bright square of glowing white before the creature was the only source of light around and it cast long shadows around it. Things were moving across the screen resembling some sort of words in a unknown language.
The creature itself was an odd looking thing, creepy, but not terrifying. It had four limbs and a central torso, all a cream coloration, but the torso was situated up right, with a unequal mass on the upper and lower portions of it. The top part of it was spread out and connected to two limbs that attached at the top of the torso stretching the already oddly shaped mass of body wider. The limbs fell down along either side of the torso ,having a strange bend in them, and getting narrower until they reached another seemingly bendable point where the limbs narrowed out to almost a flat shape and then sprouted a group of much tinier limbs that were currently pounding away at a black rectangle with much smaller black squares and odd symbols in white across it.
The other end of the creatures torso seemed normal, though it was clear something was odd given how the limbs at the other end were bent and facing straight out in front of it as the bottom of it's torso remained in some sort of green cloth covered structure. The limbs then bent in an almost sicking angle and curled back underneath to end in weirdly shaped things with a multitude of tiny wiggling limbs on the end.
Most of the creatures torso was covered in cloth. A gray covering that covered the bottom part of it's torso and some of it's lower limbs as well, and a black material that covered the upper part of the torso. The black material had a image of a white line that ran into a triangle and through it, then came out the other side in a rainbow of colors. A number of the odd symbols covered the material under this picture.
Above the torso connected by a cylinder of flesh was a great ball like thing. The top and back of which were covered in curly brown colored hair with a few streaks of gray running along the sides just over odd flaps of flesh that looked like some sort of weird leaves with holes in them. The hair continued around the front of the ball covering the lower portion of it and circling around a slit in the ball that looked like it was filled with teeth. Above this slit was an odd shaped protrusion of flesh that couldn't easily be described, with two holes pushing up into the underside. Above that and set to either side were a pair of sunken spots in the ball, ringed by dark circles and opening into small brown eyes that darted back and forth as the strange symbols continued to cross the glowing box before it.
The creature pushed back into it's chair, the slit opening as it's eyes closed and the upper limbs were lifted over top of the ball seeming to reach into the air as the creature apparently silently roared before they dropped back down and everything went back to the way it was before, with the pounding of the tiny limbs on the black rectangle.
After a few more moments the creature reached out with the upper limb and picked up a red cylindrical object from the flat space the black rectangle was on, just out side of the light.
The object appeared metallic and was covered in large white symbols and a multitude of much smaller black ones on the overall red coloration of it. The creature moved it's other limb to the top , one of the micro limbs pushing against and pulling on a loop of metal until a sudden hiss and a pfft filled the air along with a bubbling of brown liquid that ran over top of the cylinder and dripped over the oddly shaped limb..
The creature let out a string of words in a strange language, shoving the black rectangle out of the way as the liquid rained down, evidently in a final attempt to kill it after beating on it with the micro limbs for a long time.
More muted words came, sounding very harsh and angry before the red cylinder stopped spitting the liquid every where. The creature lifted the cylinder to the slit in the ball opening it slightly with a slurping sound before setting it down and turning suddenly, the entire green structure which it was on turning with it. The creature rose from this and vanished into the darkness off to the side for a few moments before coming back with a eggshell white colored bit of cloth and started to wipe the brown liquid from the surface where it collected.
“OH!. MY . CELESTIA! DID YOU SEE THAT! IT WENT EVERYWHERE AHHAHAHAHA” Lyra shouts bouncing around like a mad pony while Bon Bon sat on the couch staring at the screen wondering what in Tartarus she had just been watching.
“Yeeeeeeah, I have absolutely no idea what I just saw.”Bon Bon admits. Bon Bon had seen stranger things,living in Ponyville, with Pinkie Pie and Discord living there that made it a foregone conclusion that she would, but this was up there on her list.” You like this?”
“Oh yeah, these shows are great, there's all sorts of little hidden things in them. Like that shirt he was wearing it's from a music group in his world that he listens to and has shown up in other episodes, and get this, the music group made a movie too.” Lyra states proud in her knowledge of the show.”
“His? That's a male ? How can you tell?”
“Well the males tend to have hair on their faces like beards and stuff and the females generally don't , though depending on which episode you watch it gets kinda hazy to be honest. Even I don't understand some of them.”
“Lyra I don't get how you can watch this sort of thing, it's a show designed for little colts, not adult mares. “ Bon Bon states trying to ignore Lyra's pouting.
“Oh come on it's fun.”
“I don't see it.”
“Well you only watched one episode and to be honest that was kinda a boring one, the others are better.”
“Fine...... I’ll watch another one.” Bon Bon sighs as Lyra squees and bounces off to grab another DVD.
Author's Note
I feel dirty.
This is two of my fic rules i've violated with this string of stories. The first being my no clop rule, which the last technically broke. And now a Self Insertion Fan Fic [S.I.F.F.] By Luna what have i become!?!?
*flails*
And no i do not count the Dark Rabbit showing up in the Nightmare Night episode of SiS because that's an avatar cameo not a SIFF.
Ponies. Ruin. EVERYTHING!
Ponies Ruin Everything!
Cluck
“What're we gonna do.” Applebloom whines smacking her head on the table in the clubhouse.” We've tried everything to get our cutie mark!!”
Sweetiebelle sighs falling back onto the floor with a groan.
“We've tried hang gliding, para sailing, snow flake making, dress making, comedy, pokemon mastery, volcano worship,macrame, calibrations, dragon slaying, NASCAR, assassination, treasure hunting, go carting, video game creation, rapier fighting, training dummy construction, training dummy breaking, brick laying, free form flying, swiping snacks from the kitchen, playing Princess Luna's video games, sarcasm detection, being noble ponies, being ambassadors to the Diamond Dog representatives, knowing what an ambassador is, trying to start an international incident, annoying Prince Blue Blood, the Caramell Dasen, listening to war stories, starting a fight between guards, cockfighting, being quiet, settling down, or not touching that, mystery solving, whatever Pinkie Pie does, pizza delivery,being a brown coat, being a red coat,being a MiB, escorting a dopy AI that sounds like Mr. Dinklage, self insertion fanfic writing, Mary Suing, tobogganing, not getting pounced by stuffed tigers,elephant racing, eating our body weight in jelly beans, base jumping, hole digging, structural integrity testing, runaway cart stopping, blue meth cooking, scale painting, interior design, crowd surfing, building inspection, catapult use, swashbuckling, piracy, tapestry swinging, hoof a cures, magic, anti magic, elder god summoning, spelunking, castle exploring, cooking toast, finding out jello is made of ponies, learning what a bog unicorn is, American Football, English Football, whatever that Mayan game was played with a severed head, T-virus manufacturing, bukkake, forklift operation, OSHA inspections, chain smoking, summoning our dark lord, soup naziing, free form rock climbing, interpretive dance, phoenix riding, phoenix bathing, phoenix capturing after it escaped, fire fighting, black smiting, armor repair, being a guard, curling, the Macarana, time travel, off season hearths warming decorating, wild gazebo wrangling, moat diving, moat monster wrestling, moat monster veterinary assistance, moat monster catching when it escaped, the flop, cabinet making,jack hammering, disco skating, 80's hair styling, and tennis.” The white unicorn lists.
“Bock.” states ScootaBoo.
“What was that ScootaBoo?” Applebloom looks up at her friend.
A rather large white chicken with a brown head an tail stood in the center of the club house. A purple spiked wig sat on his head covering his waddle. He looks down at Applebloom curiously.
“Bock Bock?” ScootaBoo questions.
“Yes we tried doing the care bear stare as well.” Sweetiebelle sighs.
“It's hopeless.” Applebloom smacks her head against the table again.
“Bock Bock Bock!” ScootaBoo states.
“Yeah we ken go ask Twilight! She might have some ideas we ken try.” Applebloom hops up excitedly running out the door followed by Sweetiebelle.
ScootaBoo was about to follow when Pinkie Pie pops up from a loose floorboard shouting.
“She's a chicken I tell you a giant chicken!!!” Pinkie blinks looking up at a frowning ScootaBoo. “ Oh wait am I too early with my line? “
“Pinkie pulls out a script and looks it over.” Oh okay I'm supposed to do that once you get into town okay, my bad.”
*Theme music starts to play.*
“Scootaboo whats the matter with you, you don't act like the other chickens do.”
Scenes of the giant chicken dressed as other ponies, and one shot of a larch tree dressed as Fluttershy.
“You wear a disguise to look in a pony guise, but your not ah filly your a Scootaboo....”
===========================================
The text rips away and a very angry looking Scootaloo stands there staring at a small dark gray rabbit in front of a key board.
“NO JUST NO THIS JOKE IS DONE TO DEATH I AM NOT A CHICKEN YOU STUPID RABBIT!” Scootaloo screams balling up the torn script and bouncing it off the rabbits head before storming off in a huff.
Author's Note
Based on Chicken Boo from Animaniacs
Ponies. Ruin. EVERYTHING!
Ponies Ruin Everything
Storm of the Century
The voice of Spike fills the air.
“And now breaking news with DJ Pon3.”
A white unicorn with shock blue hair, a pair of purple shades, and what could best be described as a day glow orange pinstriped business suit, stands before a map of Equss with several major cities named.
“What's up ponies, this is your weather mare DJPon3 with..... you guessed it the weather.”
Vinyl grins holding a pointer stick with her magic and pointing at the map.
“As we can see here the weather ponies have really bucked up this time. We've got a massive winter storm headed in that's gonna bury Equestria under a mess of snow and ice.”
The unicorn pony grins as there’s the sound of squeaky pulleys and the faint grunt of what sounds like Spike again as he pulls on some ropes.
A very annoyed looking gray earth pony is lowered down in front of the map. Her black hair was well done though the look on her face is one of rapidly dwindling patience and rapidly growing anger.
Vinyl walks closer slapping a paper snow flake over the dangling ponies cutie mark getting a small growl in response.
“This is about the cookies again isn't it?” Octavia sighs.
“Winter Storm Octavia is set to blow across Equestria leaving fat clouds of snow and heavy sheets of ice and rain across the region. Citizens are encouraged to stay inside and wait out this temperamental storm until it passes. With the weight of all this storm hitting schools and most government agencies are already closing.” Vinyl continues.
“It seem this is about the cookies. I told you I thought I bought them and forgot about them. It is not as if you have purchased anything for the cupboard in the last five years, how was I supposed to know?” Octavia grumbles.
Vinyl ignores her and starts prodding Octavia's belly with the pointer stick she has. “ As we can see here the whole system has a lot of mass to it and is sure to come down heavy....”
“Vinyl you will stop this now or else.” Octavia warns.
“Though some poor fools might consider the noise storms like this will make it's really just an annoying and some what boring collection of noises and hot air. Perfect stuff to sleep though.”
“Vinyl.....”
“For those worried the frigid storm will probably not put out as much as we might think and will be mostly noise and cold.”Vinyl states prodding Octavia's rump with the pointer stick
“That is it!” Octavia shouts struggling free of the ropes and leaps on the unicorn.
“GAHH NO I'M CAUGHT IN THE STORM!!”
“Keep it up Vinyl and there's guaranteed to be at least one fatality from 'this' storm!!” Octavia shouts to the sound of hoof slaps.
======================================
Rarity stares at the screen as Fluttershy sips her tea on the couch next to her friend.
“See Rarity , this is why I don't watch the news, they only report on violence.” Fluttershy states.
Author's Note
For those who don't know the joke here.
http://www.weather.com/storms/winter/news/winter-storm-octavia-live-updates
If the link fails, Octavia is the feb2015 winter storm.
Ponies. Ruin. EVERYTHING!
"It's time to make the doughnuts!"
Ponies Ruin Everything!
“It's time to make the doughnuts!”
A gray land scape of rocks and dust as far as the eye can see, with little but the blackness of space above ,the slowly spinning globe of a blue and green planet floated in the darkness. On the far side of the globe the glimmering light of the sun is almost blinding before it pans down to the lunar surface.
A pair of unicorns in rather bulky white space suits bound across the lunar surface,their bounding hoof falls kicking up dust as they moved. Eventually the pair come across a strange metal disk in the surface on the moon. The pair of them look over it , noting the six symbols around the edge and the fact the disk seems to go deeper than just the surface. The pair look to one another and the faint glow of their horns can be seen as the two explorers work to pull the top off the strange disk to see what it might hide.
* A heavy metal guitar riff starts*
As the lid is pulled aside the two ponies are pushed back by a flash of lightnings and the crackle of thunder as Nightmare Moon with her billowing mane pulled up to form into two massive hair horn things,wearing a poofy orange robe thingy, and clutching a staff. A number of other figures climb out of the hole as well, including a gold armored unicorn with draconian features and leathery wings that seem taped to his back with all the flopping around they did. A blue dragon done up in some sort of imp costume with a big head, a tall red pony dressed in a black body suit with a monocle, a gray pegasus who seemed less than thrilled to be shoved into a obese blue armored orc outfit, and a zebra who seemed annoyed to be there wearing revealing gold armor.
Nightmare Moon speaks with a growl and horribly bad dubbing.
“Ahhh after a thousand years I’m free.... it's time to conquer Equss!”
She gestures with a staff held in her wing pointing at the floating blue and green globe of a planet.
==============
The scene shifts to Canterlot and then into a secret room where the bald head of Princess Celestia floats in a cylinder flickering like an illusion.
The floating head looks down at a purple dragon covered in cheaply made gold and blue armor that seems to be trying to pass himself off as a robot by his jerky motions.
“Spike, Luna's escaped. Recruit a team of mares with attitudes.” The floating bald disembodied flickering head of Celestia commands.
The Spike robot reaches out pushing a button.
=============================
The scene shifts to a small town where a group of five ponies suddenly flash into multi colored lights and shoot off into the air.
========================
The multi colored lights land in the secret room reforming into five confused ponies looking around at the strange place they teleported
Bands appear around their left forelegs and more lightning flashes as skin tight spandex and themed helmets form around their heads hiding their faces
* The guitar music picks up more speed*
A giant robot that looks like Rainbow Dash forms as the words 'Power Ponies' flash on the screen
A random voice sings along with the guitar riff as a big lightning bolt lances between the words power and pony in the name.
“Go go Power ponies...”
The phrase repeats until the voice has drilled it into your brain.
A orange earth pony in a hat kicks a tree making a bunch of apples fall out of it before she looks at the camera the screen splitting showing the same pony in a red suit fighting. Words flash under her image.
'AppleJack as the Red Power Pony.'
The scene shifts showing a yellow pegasus mare with pink hair snap a bears neck and let it fall to the ground. She turns to the camera as the image splits showing the mare in a yellow suit hiding under a bed. Words flash under her image
'Fluttershy as the Yellow Power Pony.'
The scene shifts to show a white unicorn with a curled purple mane looking over two types of fabric. She turns to the camera as the image splits showing the unicorn in a black suit flinging around some diamond dogs that look like they are made of clay. Words flash under her image.
'Rarity as the Black Power Pony '
The scene shifts again showing a curly maned pink pony bouncing around town like a lunatic before popping up staring at the camera. She looks over watching her self in a pink suit blasting a clay diamond dog with a pink cannon before she reaches down out of her screen and writes...
'Pinkie Pie as the Pink Power Pony, try saying that ten times fast.'
...under her own image.
The scene shifts to show a purple unicorn reading a book. The image shifts to show the same unicorn reading the same book though in a suit this time, neither of them looking up at the camera. Words form under her name.
'Twilight Sparkle as the Blue Power Pony.'
A bunch of images flash quickly enough to cause epileptic fits before there’s a shot of them all posing in a line with strange symbols over their heads.
Applejack's symbol is an apple, Fluttershy's a butterfly, Rarity's is a rather large rock with a name tag reading 'Tom' affixed to it, Pinkies is a cupcake with bits of something in it, and Twilight's is a book.
The scene shifts showing two small unicorn colts, one of them tall and skinny with a dopey look on his face, the other fat and short. The pair of them seem to be stuck to each other with bubblegum. Words appear under them as they struggle to get free.
' Bulk and Skull as...'
The line is crossed out.
'Snips and Snails as themselves.'
The scene shifts to the floating face of Celestia. Words appear under her
' Princess Celestia as a freaky floating bald head in a jar.'
The scene shifts again showing a blue unicorn grinning rather darkly from under a wide brimmed purple wizards hat. The scene splits showing the unicorn in a green suit standing on top of the head of a massive robotic pine cone. Words appear under the image.
“The Great and Powerful Trixie Lulumoon as the Green Power Pony.'
A group comprised of a flying robotic pink butterfly, a rolling robotic red apple, a bouncing black robotic rock with a name tag reading Tom, a some how crawling robotic blue book, and a bouncing robotic pink cup cake that seemed to have a bunch of the parts of the Rainbow Dash robot sticking out of it, all rush across the landscape.
Various images of the robotic... things joining together to form a giant robotic Rainbow Dash mecha that towers over everything.
The music crescendos with the voice shouting out as the music dies.
“New might morphing power ponies!!”
================================================
Scootaloo sits on her couch eyes wide and locked on the TV screen as the music dies off.
“I have got to get me one of those big robots......” the filly mutters staring at the Rainbow Dash mecha.
Author's Note
This one might need some explaining.
The title is the catch phrase of Super Science Ninja Team Treatman, the Power rangers spoof in Benn Dunn's Ninja High School.
I went a little too meta in this one i think.
Ponies. Ruin. EVERYTHING!
Ponies Ruin Everything
Frigid
A massive mountain in the frozen north dominates the scene, the view moving slowing in to a lone figure in a large burgundy cloak, and a teal dress trudging up the snowy mountain side. Stars light up the sky through breaks in the clouds. A single piano begins playing slow notes.
“The snow glows white on the mountain tonight Not a footprint to be seen A kingdom of isolation, And it looks like I'm the queen.”
The singing figure is revealed, as a pale gray snow pony with nearly white blond mane and tail bound up in tight braids with a gold tiara holding it in place, her piercing blue eyes looking sad.
“The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside Couldn't keep it in, heaven knows I tried!”
The pony looks dejected a moment though hints of annoyance form on her muzzle as she looks down at a sing blue sock on her foreleg.
“Don't let them in, don't let them see Be the good mare you always have to be Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know Well, now they know!”
She grips the sock yanking it free as the wind catches it and sends the garment spiraling off the mountain.
"Let it go,"
She gestures showing a flash of ice forming over her hoof.
" let it go"
The same gesture with her other hoof and another flash of magic.
"Can't hold it back anymore"
She gestures and a odd little snow diamond dog pup forms.
"Let it go, let it go Turn away and slam the door!"
Every movement of her hooves sends clouds of ice crystals into the air, though with one sweeping gesture they all fall around her like a shower of rain.
"I don't care What they're going to say Let the storm rage on, The cold never bothered me anyway!"
She reaches up unclipping her dark purple cloak, letting the burgundy cloth catch in the wind and soar off the mountain behind her. The music picks up it's pace as the mare approaches a chasm in the mountain.
"It's funny how some distance Makes everything seem small And the fears that once controlled me Can't get to me at all!"
She turns walking backwards looking out at the mountain ranges in the distance, a smile forming on her face before she turns running to the edge of the cliff.
"It's time to see what I can do To test the limits and break through No right, no wrong, no rules for me I'm free!"
She stops at the edge, gesturing with her front hooves and a rough looking bridge of ice forms over the chasm. She carefully steps forward touching the first step grinning as the bridge turns to blue ice around her hoof. She takes off running across the bridge, the structure turning to a delicate and well crafted structure as she passes over it.
"Let it go, let it go I am one with the wind and sky Let it go, let it go You'll never see me cry!"
She spins around her grin wider as she makes it to the other side of the bridge. She takes a few more paces forward before shifting her stance and rearing up on her back hooves slamming them down onto the snowy bank a massive ice snow flake forming under her
"Here I stand And here I'll stay Let the storm rage on!"
She narrows her eyes looking around before she lifts up on her back hooves her forehooves lifting like she is raising something and the giant snow flake of ice begins to rise from the frozen mountain summit. Pillars and platforms of ice pushing it up from underneath.
"My power flurries through the air into the ground My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast I'm never going back, The past is in the past!"
She continues to gesture as the music increases in more tempo and more instruments join it. The ice starts forming walls and flying buttresses over her, long arching ceilings and a massive chandelier made of ice glimmering and grows like a plant from the ceiling.
She glances up pulling the tiara from her head looking at it with disgust before flinging it away from her.
"Let it go, let it go And I'll rise like the break of dawn Let it go, let it go That perfect mare is gone!"
She unbinds her mane, letting the long braid uncurl over her shoulder and her long tail flow loose. She looks around her castle gesturing as she moves her teal dress fading to nothing showing a brief flash of her snow flake cutie mark before a pale blue gown forms around her with a white and blue cape that trains out behind her like an empress forms about her form seemingly made of ice crystal's like the castle.
"Here I stand In the light of day Let the storm rage on,"
She strides out onto a balcony over looking the mountain ranges as the sun rises from the other side of the mountains She smiles looking out over the snowy range before smirking.
"The cold never bothered me anyway! "
She turns heading back into the palace as a pair of ice doors slam shut behind her.
=============================================
A bleary eyed, gray furred, orange scaled half dragon with an amber mane and tail sat on the couch between two three year old fillies and two four year old fillies he was foal sitting.
“AGAIN!” a little orange and gray furred half dragon with platinum blue hair shouts.
“Dawn you have seen this movie forty times.... just today......” Jer'rahd grumbles looking at his daughters.
“AGAIN!” the red striped zebra foal next to the half dragon shouts.
“Rynthia I know you and Dawn love this movie, but I'm sure Shin and Glimmer want to see something else.....” Jer'rahd states to his other daughter.
“AGAIN!” shouts Glimmer, a pink pegicorn with a blue mane and tail from the other side of him.
“Seriously can't we just watch Big H....” Jer'rahd pleads to Shining Armor's daughter.
“AGAIN!” Shin shouts, the Changeling foal currently matching Glimmer's form with reversed colors.
“Seriously? Anything else?” Jer'rahd whines looking at the Changeling child of Shining Armor.
“Again!!” The four of them shout, bouncing around on the couch.
Jer'rahd groaned falling back onto the couch in defeat as the movie starts playing yet again.
“Stars help me.......” Jer'rahd whimpered.
Author's Note
Do you even need to ask what this is?
Ponies Ruin Frozen.....
With of course special guests from the SiS crew.
Ponies. Ruin. EVERYTHING!
Ponies Ruin Everything!
Gotta catch them all.
“Okay Spike, let me see if I understand this.” Twilight stated noting her assistant was barely paying attention to her and was more focused on his new cellphone, and the game on it.
“You walk around and these things....”
“Pokemon.” Spike corrected without looking up.
“Right, these Pokemon appear on the screen and you capture them by throwing the little ball thing. The goal is to collect them all.“
“ Yep that's it.”
“That sounds rather pointless. I mean you throw a ball and catch something?”Twilight sighed looking over her own phone.” That's not even really a challenge is it?”
“Well yeah but then you can also battle them to take control of gyms. And recently they made raids available.”
“Battle them? How does that work?”
“Right now it's just taking over gyms and stuff, fairly easy stuff. I mean you can see what other trainers left in the Gym so it's pretty easy to pick a type the others are weak against to fight them.” Spike drones.
“Types?”
“Yeah, like fire types are weak to water and water types are weak to grass and grass is weak to fire, but then there’s rock types and steel types and fairy types. It gets complex enough before you bring in the IV stuff which adjusts how they level and how strong they get. Lotta math involved......”Spike trailed off looking up from his game at the manic grin on Twilight's face as she read up on the Ivs on her own phone. “Uhhhh, Twilight?”
“So basicly there’s hidden data that can be collected from all over and put into graphs to determine the best of everything. Oohh I think I rather might like this game....”
“Uh oh.”
==================================================
“Hey look a Ponyta!” shouted a voice.
“Wha?” Applebloom asked only to get hit in the face with a thrown cell phone.
“I don't think that's how you play Sweetiebelle.” Scootaloo commented looking down at the twitching Applebloom.
“Yeah, you're right, that method made the Ponyta faint too fast.” Sweetiebelle admitted.
“That's not what I ….. is this why your sister threw you out of the house?”
“I almost had that Persian too.” Sweetiebelle grumbled.
==================================================
“Hey Dashie you enjoying the game too?” Pinkie Pie chimed looking at Rainbow Dash as she fiddled with a phone.
“Nah can't play it. Keeps telling me I’m going to fast.” Dash admitted.” If it can't keep up with me then I ain't interested.”
============================================
Rarity had been wandering around town with her phone fiddling with the game Spike had showed her. She wasn't really interested at first until she saw some of the Pokemon. With how some of them looked they gave her a few ideas for new designs and with as popular as the game was they would likely sell too.
While skirting the edge of the Everfree forest, noting with some surprise there were a number points of interest in the forest. Though with names like Hydra's stomach, and bog of eternal stench she was wary of going after them.
For the moment however she was distracted from the game by the sight of Fluttershy walking along the path towards her.
“Oh, yoo hoo Fluttershy darling. How are you doing today dear?”Rarity called out walking towards her a little more briskly.
“Oh hello Rarity. What are you doing all the way out here?” The timid pegasus smiled as her friend came closer. “I was just on my way tot he store, but there's an awful lot of ponies out today.”
“Oh? Well I suppose since it's such a nice day they must all be hunting Pokemon in that game.” Rarity admitted not quite willing to admit she was also enjoying something so foalish.
“Hunting what?” Fluttershy froze her ears flattening to her head.
“Oh well not like hunting hunting more like capturing. It is a game called Pokemon Go, a number of ponies seem quite taken with it.” Rarity stated trailing off and taking a step back as Fluttershy started growling.
“Pokemon again..... I thought I made it quite clear.........” Fluttershy growled her eyes seeming to blaze in anger.
Rarity rather quietly turned off her phone and tucked it into a saddlebag.
“Umm are you alright dear?”
“No but I will be.” Fluttershy stated with a sudden crack of thunder and flickers of lightning.
“My Bad” Derpy calls down from a cloud she was pushing across the sky above them.
Rarity blinked noticing that Fluttershy was gone though a nearby bush was shaking.
“I think I had best warn Spikey....” Rarity muttered turning to head back to town quickly.
===========================================
“ Alright. Each type of Pokemon has a base set of attributes for Stamina, Attack and Defense. Each specific Pokemon is "born" with its own IVs or individual values, that further increase these stats by 0-15 extra points. You cannot change the IVs, not all Pokemon are born equal.” Twilight lists pulling out a graph.
“These IVs make small differences in the final power of a Pokemon. For example, the base attributes of a Charizard are 223, 176, 156. This would be the "worst" Charizard available where all IVs are zero. With max IVs, a Charizard would have 238, 191, 171. Each of these Atk, Def and Stam values for Charizard are only 7-10% better.” She continues pulling out a few more charts and a pie graph about her favorite bars and a Bar graph about her favorite pies, with Pinkie at the top of the list. Twilight doesn't seem to notice this.
“ Absolute perfection isn't just having the best IVs, the "perfect" Pokemon would have both maximum IVs AND the best Move set possible. Note that your Pokemon's maximum level is governed by your trainer level. To put it simply.” Twilight pulls out another chart reading....
HP = (Base Stam + Stam IV) * Lvl(CPScalar)
CP = (Base Atk + Atk IV) * (Base Def + Def IV)^0.5 * (Base Stam + Stam IV)^0.5 * Lvl(CPScalar)^2 / 10
“Note that Pokemon have hidden levels and each level requires two "Power-Ups"...........” Twilight trails off noticing Spike had fallen asleep.
===========================
“ FOUL MISCREANT, YOU SHALL NOT WIN!”
“Lulu why are you still up?” Celestia asked knocking on her sisters door before pushing it open.” Seriously the whole castle can hear you what is going on?”
“Ahh Tia... is it that late already?” Luna blinks looking up from her phone tot he clock.
“It is..... are you still playing that game?” Celestia sighed.
“We are indeed sister. We have sided with a team. The Mystic faction values knowledge above all else and also Twilight Sparkle has asked me to join them so they must be just. “
“Then what is all the shouting?” Celestia sighed figuring her student would be in this some where.
“The castle is what is known as a gym and it has been a hard fight to keep it in Mystic hooves. What is worse the one who continues to battle me has taken my Screen name and made a mockery of it.”
“What?”
“Mine screen name,for identification, Princess is too long a word so I simply chose P. Luna. This rapscallion has made a mockery of it with his names! Plump Luna, Pest Luna, Puny Luna, and what is worst he has chosen my most hated team, Valor.”
“I think you may be taking this a bit too seriously Lulu. You best get some rest , your shift will come sooner than you think.”
“Fie on that I will ensure that this … this.... base villain is defeated utterly before I sleep!”Luna growled.” Hah the castle is mine again none can surpass the power of my Vaporion. Darwin
“Right well good luck then....” Celestia sighed rolling her eyes as she stepped out and closed the door. Heading down the hall Celestia pauses her horn flaring as she pulls four cell phones out of her mane all running the game. She smirks sending her three alts and her main Cakelover out to attack the Castle gym once more. Her ears perk as she hears Luna screaming again and the Princess of the Sun can't help but giggle.
“Go Valor....”
=============================
Zecora watched as a number of ponies wandered around the town staring at strange devices and running into each other and things occasionally.
“What exactly is going on here, looks like some sort of mind control I fear.” Zecora muttered as she moved around town.
“Not hint of a spell, no magic to cut, I suppose I should see.....” Zecora started to say.
“LOOK A BLITZLE!” shouted a voice
“.....what?” Zecora asked turning and getting plastered in the face with a thrown cell phone and knocked senseless.
“Sweetiebelle.......” Scootaloo groaned.
==================================================
“Finally.... I've been trying all day to log in.” Button mash sighed looking at the loading screen on his phone with a wide grin.
The gamer colt blinked as the bar jumped a little leaning forward over his phone in excitement.
Excitement that vanished as the bar hit the last part and the game closed out again.
Button quickly hit the reload key only for the screen to show a connection error message.
The gamer colt stared and slowly started to shake before tossing back his head and screaming.
==================================================
Niantic HQ was rather hectic at the moment. And by hectic it's two whole employees were doing their best to fix the server.
“Brother I am not sure I am cut out for this sort of thing.”
“Nonsense Flim, it's a game server, simplest thing in the world.” Flam stated.
“But it is apparently on fire.” Flim stated pointing a hoof at the battered black column of electronics that was indeed on fire.
“Well I suppose we simply need to hit it with the wrench a few more times that should fix it.” Flam stated.
“Where exactly did you learn such repair skills brother?” Flim asked.
“Why from that wonderful game with all the hats. The engineer fellow in that hit everything with a wrench and it fixed it right as rain.”
“Well I can't exactly argue with that logic brother, hoof me the wrench...” Flim stated.
Before his brother could respond the door exploded inward showing a very pissed off butter yellow Pegasus holding a large ax in one wing a spiked mace in the other and on her back was a little white rabbit with a large knife clamped in his teeth and a red bandana.
“YOOOOU!!!!!!!!”
“I believe it is time to run brother.” Flam stated.
“Screaming?” Flim asked.
“Oh yes, quite a lot of it in fact.” Flam agreed.
Author's Note
I needed a brief break and some nonsense after all the chapters of Last Dance i've done.
Ponies. Ruin. EVERYTHING!
Ponies Ruin Everything
Eat it or Wear it.
“Are you sure about this?” Rainbow Dash hissed as she slunk through the bushes towards a massive form in the trees ahead. The mare was dressed in what looked to be a red and black samurai outfit with a dog mask as a helmet. She had a strange bone like double blade across her back between her wings and a giant Luna moth clinging to her arm.
“Dash Darling, are you questioning Twilight's research into this thing again, because if you are I’m going to leave before she starts another four hour lecture on basic weapon properties and attunement percentages.” Rarity hissed back. Rarity was the fanciest looking of the lot with a large billowy dress made of steel plates pink scales and silk. The Princess like armor even came with a tiara. She carried a pair of short blades that seemed to be made out of blue gems at her hips.
“Ya'll just need tah hush until we find out where this thing is.” Applejack grumbled shifting the massive red sword on her back as she moved closer to Twilight, the red scaled armor she wore seemed to have once been part of a dragon as it was covered in black spikes and looked rather menacing on the orange pony.
“It's fine Rarity this is a new monster after all, we don't know what it is. But the event is way too similar to one with the Deviljho.” Twilight explained looking through the book she carried. The mare in question was barely visible under the mountain of spikes that covered her armor. A large cannon looking thing rested across her back along with pouches and pouches of various ammo for it. Out of the groups she was the most optimized for anything, obviously.
“So we're gonna split up tah try and find this thing Dash you take tha north, Twi head south Rarity you head up inta tha trees over there an I’ll check tha caves.” Applejack explained.
“But what about the thing that's right there?” Dash fussed pointing at the massive shadow in the trees before them.
“Rainbow, that is a rock.” Rarity sighed pointing out that it was indeed a moss covered rock before heading off to go deeper into the forest.
“Don't forget to look for the mushrooms” Twilight called as she wandered off to check her area.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
[ Twenty minutes later]
“Anything?” Twilight asked with a sigh.
“Mushrooms, an tracks, not even a Barroth in this place.” Applejack grumbled.
“Rarity?” Twilight asked.
“Mushrooms, though I did gather a few other supplies.” Rarity sighed.
“BOOOOOOOOREING.” Dash called dropping another pile of mushrooms on the ground.
=========================
“I don't get it, this is an event, what kind of event is just a mushroom hunt?” Twilight fussed as the Mission complete came up on her screen.
“Well maybe it's a April Foals day joke?” Applejack suggested.
“How droll.” Rarity sighed looking up from her own screen. “ Perhaps we could go after the Kirin again.....?”
“Hah, you only want to do that cause you're crushing on that stupid thing.” Dash cackled taking a sip of her drink.
“I am not..... though I do admit his flank is rather nice, but the outfit one can make is spectacular...” Rarity protested.
“What are you four doing in the dark?” a soft voice asked with a bit more hardness to it than any one was comfortable with.
“Uh oh...” Dash muttered her ears drooping
Fluttershy took a look at the screens the other girls were in front of and frowned. “ Monster hunter? Really? I thought you agreed not to play anything else like that awful pokemon?”
“But there's research!?” Twilight fussed.
“And adventure.” Applejack added.
“And fighting.” Rainbow added.
“And the fashion!” Rarity exclaimed.
“And you hurt and kill innocent monsters for it” Fluttershy stated in a tone that made the others wince .
Twilight smiled suddenly before clicking through a bunch of menus, bringing up what looked like a small cat dressed in a lady bug costume with a paw print pattern on it's belly.
Fluttershy's disapproval lasted only a few seconds more in the face of this adorableness before she was entranced by the cute little feline.
“Oooh what is that?” Fluttershy cooed.” It's adorable.”
“That's a Palico..... it's what the monsters we are hunting eat and knock around because they think it's fun.” Twilight lied.
“Seriously?” Fluttershy pouted looking at Applejack. “ That's not nice....”
“I guess. Twi's read tha lore, got no idea bout um myself.” Applejack commented with a shrug recognizing Fluttershy was checking on her to see if Twilight was fibbing..”Only started playing in this version of tha game and they run around with yah tah help yah fight monsters.”
“And you can dress them up.” Rarity added.
“And you should see the chef he's awesome.” Dash laughed.
Fluttershy sighed. “ Fine...... I guess. So long as you're saving those cute little kitties.”
“Of course.” Twilight smiled.
“Oh, before I forget why I came here in the first place.” Fluttershy stated looking away from the ladybug cat on the screen reluctantly. “You might want to go help Spike.”
“Why what's wrong?” Twilight blinked.
“Well the Cutiemark Crusaders were chasing after him trying to steal his lunch saying they needed another wyvern gem.” Fluttershy offered.
“Spike's got a Wyvern gem? I need like three of those!” Dash shouted.
Author's Note
This one might be a little meta and likely only understandable for those who play Monster Hunter world.
That aside for those expecting an april fools day joke from me you get a chapter of PRE! instead. My last 3 times doing a AF joke backfired on me so not doing it this year.
Ponies. Ruin. EVERYTHING!
Ponies Ruin Everything!
Meows
[ Canterlot Theater]
"So... Tell me again Mister Hooper. What is this play about?" The older black and white palomino earth pony mare asked, her eyes watching the much younger bearded brown and tan spotted pony before her as he fiddled with his black mane.
"Cats." The stallion stated with a grin.
"Cats?"
"Yes cats."
"You mean like the play Cats?"
"Oh yes very much like the play Cats, but with a modern spin on it Miss Broadway. Something to bring in the younger crowd. We'll gather a bunch of stars from all over and put them on stage for this."
"Hmm i know a few famous actors that would happily be willing to star in a Cats production." Miss Broadway considered. " The cost of props and costumes is never cheap for that production though, particularly the make up."
"Ahh I have that covered. for fraction of the price we will use CGI" The stallion smiles.
"CGI?" Miss Broadway questioned.
"Covering Glamour Illusion. i have a few unicorns who are skilled at illusions that we can go with. We change the musical numbers, up the sexual appeal and we'll have scores of ponies in here to watch it. Skin tight bodysuits and feline illusions who can resist?" Tom Hooper cried out with a grin. " We'll have foals as mice for the cute appeal a drug induced sultry jazz number and also sexy cockroaches!"
Before Miss Broadway could respond to that the main doors of the theater were kicked open. and a navy blue furred diamond dog like creature stood there in gray pants and a red long coat. His long ears were both capped by small glowing points of light that seemed like small reflections of the full moon. Hes feline like tail whipped behind him also capped in a glowing light that floated about an inch from the tip, though this one was a crescent moon.
Standing behind him was a blue unicorn mare with a white mane and a large purple wizards hat on her head. Sitting on her back was an unamused purple dragon with green spines.
"BORK!!!" Rahs snapped holding out a slightly bent iron pipe and pointing it at Hooper before rushing at him.
"In case you didn't understand him. He announced that this travesty of theater shall not go unpunished. Prepare your self for retribution." Spike deadpanned as he repeated his brother.
" Hello auntie. Trixie is just here to ask you to not agree to this." Trixie stated as she walked up to Miss Broadway.
The director ran by with Rahs in hot pursuit swinging the pipe.
"Let me show you what a Jellicles can and do!!"
Author's Note
And this one has guest stars from some of the Twilight Gets a Puppy crew.
Buck.. I could have made this an actual TGaP chapter.
Holy crap. I haven't updated this in 2 years!
Ponies. Ruin. EVERYTHING!
Ponies Ruin Everything
Maniacal
The massive black scarred pony sat starring at the table before him. The pony had a short cropped mane that was going white and an even shorter docked tail. Thick armor covered his form that had a terrifying aura that could bring lesser ponies to their knees just by seeing it. His for limb was artificial, cobbled together metal and leather. Strapped across his back, partially keeping him in the sitting position he now held was a stallion sized hunk of iron, far too unwieldy and massive to even be called a sword, despite the use the stallion made of it.
Flitting around the table were a pair of breezies. One who had helped guide him this far, though who was a pain in the ass. The other was also a pain in the ass, but a bit more reserved. Both of them were stuffing their face with the delicacies provided.
To his left was another pain in the ass who had joined him to demand training. The small colt was shoving half his body weight in food into his mouth and nearly choking on it.
The stallion sighed as the unicorn filly next to the colt whacked him on the back as he started to choke
On the other side of him was a former knight, the skinny earth pony stallion was regarding the food before him a bit more selective in his choices , but eating none the less while sparing a glance here and there at the female earth pony to his right.
The former holy knight was doing her best to learn magic as well as her job to care for the last of their party, the one he cared about more than any others.
The Mocha colored pegasus mare regarded the food the knight was offering curiously before eating it , with the tragedy she suffered her mind had blanked leaving her mind fractured, and scared of him.
He sighed, the Breezy homeland would hopefully have the answers they needed, but for that they needed to get over the sea.
Currently they were all in a little tavern on the road a few miles from the harbor town, being swerved by an overly chipper pink pony mare who was some how everywhere at once replacing empty plats and refilling drinks. Clearly she was expecting some sort of big tip from a party this size.
The stallion sighed picking up one of the pastries before him. He never really had a taste for sweet things, but given how uncertain the future was he saw no reason not to indulge a little bit.
He was working on his third when he noticed the breezies had both drifted down to the table, one of them half buried where he crashed in a bowl of pudding. He reached over yanking the fat little thing out of the food before he suffocated only for a wave of dizziness to wash over him. He flinched glancing to the side as some of the others started to reel, or outright collapsed.
Shoving himself up with a growl he brought the massive iron weapon around shattering several ceiling beams as he leveled it at the pink pony mare.
“What!?” The stallion demanded wincing as he coughed up blood, the sword dropping with a crash that shattered floorboards.
The pink mare smiled, the grin getting wider as it slid up along her face nearly to her ears showing far too many perfectly white teeth.
“Lord Griffon sends his regards.” Pinkie Pie cackled as the stallion collapsed.
Shining Armor and Spike stared at the screen, eyes narrowing a little.
“I don't think I like the reboot of the show.” Shining frowned.
“At least it's not another Golden Age arc.” Spike sighed.
Ponies. Ruin. EVERYTHING!
Ponies. Ruin. EVERYTHING!
“Over 9000!!!!”
LAST WEEK ON PONY BALL Z!!<
Twilight stands in the middle of a field on her back legs, hooves lifted over her head, horn glowing brightly. She wore a bright orange GI with Celestia's cutie mark on the back of it, and her hair spiked up to a rather ludicrous height.
Across from her on the other side of the field Trixie stands on her back legs, forelegs crossed in front of her, a dark grin on her face and her mane spiked up to ridiculous proportions.
Behind Twilight, lay three forms. Gilda, who for some reason was missing a claw and was painted green. She also wore some sort of strange purple outfit with a white turban on her head.
Spike, who had two rows of three dots on his forehead, seemingly made of small gem stones. He was dressed much the same as Twilight.
And Sweetiebelle who was dressed like Gilda, though she thankfully had all her limbs.
“She's too strong....” mutters Spike.
“SOLAR.....” screams Twilight.
************
THIS WEEK ON PONY BALL Z!!<
Twilight stands in the middle of a field on her back legs, hooves lifted over her head, horn glowing brightly. She wore a bright orange GI with Celestia's cutie mark on the back of it, and her hair spiked up to a rather ludicrous height.
Across from her on the other side of the field Trixie stands on her back legs, forelegs crossed in front of her, a dark grin on her face and her mane spiked up to ridiculous proportions.
Behind Twilight, lay three forms. Gilda, who for some reason was missing a claw and was painted green. She also wore some sort of strange purple outfit with a white turban on her head.
Spike, who had two rows of three dots on his forehead, seemingly made of small gem stones. He was dressed much the same as Twilight.
“She's too strong....” mutters Spike.
And Sweetiebelle who was dressed like Gilda, though she thankfully had all her limbs.
“WAVE.....” screams Twilight.
*****************************
NEXT WEEK ON PONY BALL Z<
Twilight stands in the middle of a field on her back legs, hooves lifted over her head, horn glowing brightly. She wore a bright orange GI with Celestia's cutie mark on the back of it, and her hair spiked up to a rather ludicrous height.
Across from her on the other side of the field Trixie stands on her back legs, forelegs crossed in front of her, a dark grin on her face and her mane spiked up to ridiculous proportions.
Behind Twilight, lay three forms. Gilda, who for some reason was missing a claw and was painted green. She also wore some sort of strange purple outfit with a white turban on her head.
Spike, who had two rows of three dots on his forehead, seemingly made of small gem stones. He was dressed much the same as Twilight.
And Sweetiebelle who was dressed like Gilda, though she thankfully had all her limbs.
“She's too strong....” mutters Spike.
“FLARE!!!” screams Twilight launching the built energy towards Trixie.
==============================================
Why the heck are we watching this drivel?” questions Rarity gesturing at the TV where Rainbow Dash, Soarin, and Scootaloo were clustered.
“Sooo coool.” utters Dash.
Author's Note
Dragon Ball Z yeaaaaaaaah....... This took me about five minutes tops but it was too funny ...to me at least.
Ponies. Ruin. EVERYTHING!
Ponies Ruin Everything
Survivor
A series of clouds slowly parts revealing a purple highly ornate balloon with a lavender unicorn and a small dragon in it as it floats down towards the ground from a mountain with a castle on it in the back ground.
A voice over starts with a few notes of a song.
“My Little Pony, My Little Pony Ahh, ahh, ahh, ahhh...”
The speed and volume of the music cranks up. As a blue pegasus swirls across the screen with a rainbow tail behind it. As the purple unicorn hops out of the balloon to start walking around town while a number of other ponies go about their lives behind her and the little dragon who's struggling to keep up as the unicorn walks through town.
“(My Little Pony) I used to wonder what friendship could be (My Little Pony) Until you all shared its magic with me”
The screen pans from the unicorn to show five other ponies two earth ponies another white unicorn and a pair of pegasi.
The blue pegasus pops onto the screen by herself in a cloud scape glancing to the camera then taking off with a rainbow trail behind her.
“Big adventure”
The pink earth pony rears back blowing up a balloon so rapidly it fills the screen with yellow.
“Tons of fun”
The white unicorn flips her mane and stares at the camera.
“A beautiful heart”
The orange earth pony rears back to kick a tree knocking apples from it to the ground to be used as a transition.
“Faithful and strong”
The yellow pegasus offers an apple to a little white rabbit who devours it in an eye blink.
“Sharing kindness!”
The purple unicorn appears in a flash of light surrounded by the others in front of a large tree that was made into a house.
“It's an easy feat And magic makes it all complete”
The dragon rears up suddenly burning a scroll with his breath that dances it through the air to a very royal looking throne room with a massive white pony with wings and a horn sits on a throne. The scroll opens to show a picture of the six ponies as the music fades out on the last lines.
“You have my little ponies
Do you know you're all my very best friends?” The scene shifts to a couch with a lime green unicorn mare sitting on it rather oddly.
“ Ugh. “ Grumbles Lyra flicking through the channel again with a faint sigh. “ Another stupid reality TV show.
Author's Note
Title is based on one of the first reality tv shows Survivor. Thus you are told what the joke is before the story even starts.
Little short thing that amused me far too much
