Celestia's Honorary Mares

A Live Broadcast Message from the Royal Chambers of Her Majesty Queen Celestia and Luna, Canterlot Capitol, Equestria, regarding the 72 women, many of high-profile status, suddenly found missing across Earth, broadcast live On all of earth's airwaves on January 21, 2012

Greetings and salutations, horsefuckers of Earth dimension. It is us, The Star Queens of Equestria, Queen Celestia and Queen Luna. Yes, I know about your world and your people. Alot more about you than you could imagine, and far more than I wanted to know, for certain. I've seen your disturbing art, read your ghastly fanfictions, heard your blithering dubstep remixes of my very own voice and seen your cringe-wrenching message board posts. I can even peer into your deepest, dirtiest thoughts.
All I can say is, you demented jigglefucks! I can clearly you vile shaved apes want nothing more than to ravish every last one of our women, despite our vast physiological, cultural, and taxonomical differences. It burns within your basest urges. I only hoped your filthy thoughts would forever stay trapped with you, safely locked away in your dimension.

But no. It just couldn't be that simple and carefree. One of you filthy neckbeards had to go and sneak into the CERN supercollider with that book of witchcraft, all three of Ron Paul's horcruxes, and utter those four magic words that reopened the ancient rift, blowing a big fat hole from your shithole dimension to ours. And the rest is history. Our first meeting was tense, worrisome, but soon political tensions eased, By which I mean I came in peace, you guys in turn promptly informed me of your militaries and your puny fusion reaction bombs, and I in turn responded that I come in peace, and I move a fucking star through the sky every day with my horn, and threw my sister into the moon for a thousand years for trying to stop me.
Peace ensued. All dangers of crossed dimensions dismissed, and integration between our two races soon followed. Of course, this meant nearly every last one of your world's so-called "bronies" packed up and migrated, going straight for our women. I should have stopped them right then and there, I should have banished these interlopers to the moon, but alas, some of our mares have taken kindly to your race, and to destroy those they profess to love in turn would be wrong.

But you see, being a race that has lived in harmony and balance with very few males and many females for eons, our mares just couldn't say no to all the new exotic males suddenly coming into their world delivering roses and chocolates to their doorsteps, worshipping their every step. Now, thanks to your species' voracious males, we may go extinct! So many mares have run off with reproductively incompatible hominid partners now that there are far fewer still taking up with stallions to breed!
Meanwhile, your dimension's women show no interest in either our stallions, or even in your own men! Come on! Take some of these flabby neckbeards back already! You don't want them either, do you? . Thanks a lot! Maybe if you threw them a bone every now and then they wouldn't be 'jumping the dimensional fence' to go fuck all my little ponies!
But, interestingly enough, similar to how your men have a strangely intoxicating love of our mares, I've seen some our stallions taking an eye to your dimension's women.
Unlike with your dimension's men and our mares, however, the feeling is not commonly mutual. Yes, there are some stallions who would try to leave for your shores, and perhaps some women may want them, but I simply can't afford to lose what few stallions we have, so I must forbid them leaving Equestria and taking up with human women as wives. We would die out overnight. You must understand, we can spare a few mares, they must be allowed free will to explore what's out there if they wish, they are the brave explorers and breadwinners of our great civilization, but our stallions are our lifeblood, the seed of our future!

So I devised a brilliant plan. I will show your dimension how Equestrian royalty protects the long-term interest and purity of her subjects! If your dimension's men are going to have their way with our women, then it is only fair that we must return the favor, whether the offer is mutually welcomed or not!

I have sent agents into your dimension and have captured and taken on board some "special guests". I have hoof-picked a few of your world's most beautiful, attractive, and esteemed women and taken them into my abode. My castle is now host to a "private army" of some of the most desirable women from your dimension.
Yes, they're all here now, typical lot, supermodels, "Miss Universes" from different years (seriously, you're not even going to look beyond your own planet before declaring some backwater rube from Kentucky the fairest being in the universe?), movie stars, tv personalities, porn stars, bartenders, middle school teachers, strippers (exempted the c-sectioned ones, which really narrowed it down) and a few stuck up hipster chicks (but only if they agree to keep their horn rim glasses on no matter what) We also raided a few trailer parks of their daughters. Yes, there's a certain beauty to the unrefined that drives some stallions wild. These girls came from various walks of life, but now they must look forward to their new lives, their new purpose. I have chosen 72 individuals for the first group, the first foray into this grand experiment.

It is now their utmost duty to care for and appease any desire our stallions have for them. Yes, I suppose your butthurt dimension might call it “human trafficking” but come on, get over your petty “modern” ideals, learn to be open-minded and respectful of other cultures, capturing our rivals' women is still an accepted thing over here, okay? And if you don't respect our culture's diverse and exotic beliefs in sex slavery, you're RACIST. See? Ha! you can no longer argue with me, I win!
Yes, so here they are, all dressed up, well, dressed down actually, (appropriate attire for the region, notice how much clothing we tend to wear) and oh so pretty and ready to meet their happy stallions!

So it is to be understood that these new, "stewardesses of her majesty's subjects' desires" (gotta work on that title) are absolutely not to be treated as wives or esteemed partners by their new stallion masters. They are, figuratively, and, sometimes literally, sex toilets. Their role is Not a very high status in our society, but an utterly necessary one in these times I'm afraid, and in that there is honor. They are required to, without any question or hesitation, perform any act of physical pleasure for their stallion, no matter how degrading or undesirable.
They may be used by their stallion, or by any mare in the company of the stallion, as they wish, as long as it does not result in the long-term illness, permanent and irreversible injury, or death of the stewardess. They are to be used, primarily, as romantic instigators between our stallions and mares, to help reinvigorate and excite our happy couples for proper mating, to "spice things up" for the both of them, ensuring better ovulation!
And yes, importantly, they may be used by the stallions for various extra non-procreative, less desirable, often more degrading releases of tension that mares may not willing to partake in. Hence the term “sex toilets” (I love that term!) But in all of these acts, a stewardess must take great care of her master, please him and make him happy, and if she does these things in good faith, she will be well rewarded. Do not worry, great harm will not come to my stewardesses. The stallion may be her master, he may have his way with her, but he too has a responsibility to take good care of his living jizzrag. These girls are first and foremost property of the Star Queens, and we take good care of our posessions.

Verily, Let it be known, Stewardess, your stallion will take good care of you, on my throne I swear I will see to it he does, and if you too take good care of your master, you will be well rewarded. You are now in the service of the Star Queens, as Stewardesses of Her Royal Majesty's Subjects.

All Hail her Majesty Queen Celestia and Queen Luna!

transmission ends