I'm sorry for being what I am

by zelkova48

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Luna, Original Character, Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sad
Length: 3176

Celestia and Luna have always loved their mother, but hated their father. They know that their hate is hollow but justified in a sense. He is a good pony, they won't argue, but they cannot accept him for what he does and for being what he is

Celestia and Luna gaze at their old family portrait from long ago. Two smiling young fillies sitting beside their beautiful mother were painted upon the canvas with oil paints that have miraculously survived the onslaught of time. But part of the painting is torn, and for good reason. It was that portion of the painting that had their father on it.

They cannot stand to look at their father for even a second.

But he is coming once again for his yearly visit, much to their eternal dismay, to spend time with them, and to apologize for being what he is. Will they finally forgive him after so long, or will they only continue to distance themselves from him?

Published 2014-03-29 06:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-30 04:23:56 UTC

If there is good, then there must be evil

"Nature has no principles. She makes no distinctions between good and evil" - Anatole France

The soft pitter-patter of rain drops from upon the numerous windows of castle Canterlot were all that could be heard from within on such a gloomy day. The gentle sound echoed throughout its many empty halls, leaving it to reverberate off every single nook and cranny that the architecture had to offer, like ripples formed by a drop of water dripping into a pond from a blade of grass. The rain was the only thing that broke the stark, near deathly silence that encompassed the castle. Without the pitter-patters, you would've been able to hear a pin drop onto floor.

The staff had all been given a day off for it was an unofficial holiday there. Not a single soul, save for the princesses of course, were present. The butlers, maids, chefs, custodians, and even the royal guards had all left just for this one day, just as they have been the year before, and the year before that, and the year before that.

Though it is nice to have that one odd day off in the year, the question remains: what is it about this holiday that would have both Princess Celestia and Princess Luna go to great length in order to be absolutely alone? The answer to that question is quite simple, in fact.

Today is the day that their father visits them

* * *

Princess Celestia glanced from behind the windowed doors of her room's balcony with an exasperated expression worn upon her face. It was that day of the year again, the day that her father came to visit. The very day that she wished she could use Starswirl's time travel spell just to skip for her own leisure. But she couldn't, because she knew it wouldn't work since she tried it before. He would always find them, no matter where or when they hid, just so he could spend what little time he had with them.

"Like any good father would..." she thought spitefully in her mind. She had been dreading this day for weeks. It always came no matter what, and she could do nothing to stop it, no matter what kind of petty excuse she could come up with. It irritated her to no end that for the past several millenia of both she and her sister's life that he would always come back to visit them. Even when he was supposedly busy with his work, he would always show up.

"Like any good father would..." she repeated again in her mind. As she stewed in her own funk, a loud creaking sound forced her to turn around, bringing her practically face to face with her younger sister, Luna, who was no better than she was at the moment. Luna was in the same boat that she was, just as aggravated and irritated about this whole ordeal. It also didn't help that this was only a few years after she was freed from the influences of Nightmare Moon, but he wouldn't judge. He would always love his daughters no matter what.

"Like any good father would..." they both thought. The two sighed heavily, it was a never ending cycle that they couldn't break. Every year was the same thing over and over again, why couldn't he just drop the matter and leave them alone? It would've been easy just to forget about it all and move on, but no, their father was a very persistent person. He knew full well of what they thought of him and simply refused to let it be.

"Like any good father would..." a dark and raspy voice spoke aloud. But Celestia and Luna weren't even the slightest bit shaken by the sudden appearance of the voice, in fact, they had been expecting it "Twelve o' clock on the dot... just like the year before..."

"And the year before that, and the year before that!" Celestia spat. This was the reason why she wanted to be alone whenever her father was around, her tempered flared whenever she saw him. Her once vibrant mane transmuted into wild flames and the ground beneath her would blacken and char. Hadn't she pulled back within the next few seconds, the whole castle would've become a smoking crater. Taking a few deep breaths, she composed herself and stared down the wicked being before her. A being of evil incarnate.

"Nekros..." she whispered with venom dripping from her lips. Celestia and Luna's father was a shadowy stallion whose dark form made it hard to make out any discernible feature he may have had on his body. His only garment was a long, black tattered coat that had seen the ages pass by alongside him, a sentimental piece of cloth that was his favorite out of his rather limited wardrobe.

His body, for the most part, was lanky and plated with a bony, rigid texture. Green ethereal flames cascaded around his figure, leaving behind a wispy trail of glowing embers that blazed but not burned. The smoke rising from the fire formed what could be considered his wings, pale imitations of the real thing beating to the rhythm of eternity. His eyes were mere glowing orbs that hung in the darkness from behind his hood that would bore directly into your soul if you stare for too long.

"Hello, Celly, Lulu" Nekros spoke as his lips curled into a gentle smile "It's nice to see you again"

"NEVER CALL US THAT!" Luna boomed with the royal Canterlot voice, shaking the castle in the process of doing so "Only mother may call us that you spawn of darkness!"

"..." Nekros remained silent as he let out a long winded sigh "Your mother is doing fine, by the way..." he chuckled "She ask why you never come and visit us anymore. I keep telling her that our little girls are all grown up now, they have jobs of their own and are much more busy than when they were little fillies. Still, you should come back home every so often. It's not like Equestria has any real trouble for you to worry about anyway..."

"Any real tro- of course we have real trouble!" Celestia shouted back "Earlier the year before the capitol was attacked by changelings during our niece's wedding! And not long after that the crystal empire came back along with the spirit of an evil king whose soul is as black as obsidian! How can you say that that's not trouble!"

"Pfft, you're always making a mountain out of a molehill. Though I suppose some habits never really leave you once you enter into adulthood" Nekros replied with a dismissive wave of his hoof "Say, how many died when changelings invaded anywho? One thousand, two thousand? Three? I'm particularly curious of the numbers" he asked nonchalantly, almost expectantly to receive an honest answer from his daughters.

"Miraculously, none" said Luna with a sigh of relief "Candence and Shining Armor managed to stop the invasion right before things turned from bad to worse"

"Really? Well that's a shame. I would've thought at least one pony died during that whole debacle" replied Nekros "How many died when that evil king came back though?" he asked.

"Again, none" said Celestia "Using the power of the crystal heart, Spike successfully repelled King Sombra and prevented him from coming back to power. We won't be seeing him anymore"

" *Sigh* really? Not a single death?" said Nekros "So I take it that the deaths that happen around here are either old age or accidents, huh?"

"..." Celestia and Luna said nothing. They shouldn't have to answer such a question. Nekros shook his head in disapproval, looks like things will be the same as before.

"How about we talk somewhere that's more comfortable" he suggested "Preferably a lounge with a view of this marvelous city"

"We can arrange that. Please, follow us" said Celestia as she motioned for her father to follow them. Together, the trio trekked across the wide halls and headed to a room that would be more fitting for a heart to heart talk between parent and offspring.

* * *

The lounge, a room of varying luxuries, oddities, and fanciful baubles that overlooked the cliff side and gave everyone a grand view of the city of Canterlot. A magnificent crystal chandelier hung just overhead, glistening with beauty. Chairs, sofas, and even random bar stools of solid oak stained in a chocolate hue littered the room in a tasteful layout, giving it depth and a cozy feel. It was here that Nekros, Celestia, and Luna had chosen to relax and to catch up for lost time, whether they wanted to or not.

"I love rainy days" said Nekros as he seated him into a velvet armchair "It really breaks the monotony of the endless cycle of day and night, don't you agree?"

"No, we don't" Celestia stated darkly "Enough with the small talk. Why don't you just give up?" she asked "If your efforts were all for nothing the last few thousand times, what makes you think time would be any different? You already know what we're going to say. The answer is and shall be the same. We will never forgive you, ever"

"If you must know, and I know I've told you this already, it's because there was a time when you called me daddy. A time when I had to change your little diapers, and a time when I had to scare away the monster that lived underneath your bed" Nekros chuckled "I still care, I really do, you know? What kind of person would I be if I just move on knowing that I am the source of my own children's hatred. Apologizing and making amends is the only way. Like any good fath-"

"Like any good father would, yes, yes, we know! Stop saying that! I'm sick of hearing it!" Luna shouted back "That was all before we learned about what you really are" she grimaced "You're evil in its purest form. War, disease, famine, death! You're the cause of everything that is wrong in life!"

"And yet you still love your mother because she is good in its purest form, how... hypocritical of such a supposedly enlightened individual. But I guess your subject views and my views of you are two entirely different things" Nekros spoke but never raised his voice or shifted his tone. His voice remained even, steady, neutral, completely unaffected by the harsh words that his own children were throwing at him. He had lived since before time even had a name. He knew how to handle his own kids, even if they were all grown up now "I thought I raised you look at the bigger picture, to never assume things as they are"

"Our upbringing is irrelevant to this conversation!" Luna snapped back, but received a smile from her father as a result.

"Oh! We're having a conversation now!" he chuckled once more "I believe we're making good progress here"

"Hmph" Luna huffed "I still can't believe how mother could've have fallen for a monster"

"A very charming and handsome monster. Heh heh" Nekros spoke as he reminisced about his time spent with his wife "Ah, Vita. You were beautiful then and you're beautiful now... you were still beautiful even after giving birth to our two bundle of joys. I guess that whole thing about losing your figure after birth never struck her as hard"

"NEVER SPEAK ABOUT HER BEFORE US!" Luna used the royal Canterlot voice again "YOU DON'T HAVE ANY RIGHT TO!"

" *Sigh* Lulu, you were the one who brought her up again" Nekros spoke with a gentle voice "You know you're really spoiling father daughter bonding mood with that funk of yours. "

"How can you still act so nonchalant about all this!" Celestia interjected "We don't want anything to do with you, why do you remain so persistent!"

"If you must know, it's because of the way you two have been behaving these last few millenia" said Nekros as his voice turned stern all of a sudden "I'm proud of how much you've managed to accomplish over the years, but there are some things that your mother and I cannot overlook. But it's not just us two, the other primordials aren't too happy about it either. We've let it slide simply because you were young and full of aspiration, but this has gone on for far too long. So I figured, hey, why not kill two birds with one stone?"

"And what is it that we're doing wrong?" Luna asked as she glared at her father "Our kingdom has been prosperous, despite a few bumps on the road it's practically a utopia"

"And that is the issue at hoof" Nekros waved his hooves and brought forth a ring of green fire to create a window to other dimensions, other worlds that differ from Equestria on so many levels "Utopia is such a... a human concept. You remember them don't you? When I showed you their home?"

"Yes... that was the day we learned all we needed to know about you and your sick games!" Celestia spat.

"I take my job very seriously, Celly" said Nekros "I make sure that the other half of the scale is balanced, while your mother does the same. It's my job to instill things such as anger, hate, destruction, fear, despair, wrath and so on and so on. Of course, I'm also responsible death but that should be a story for next year. The point is, utopia means nowhere" he stopped to catch his breath "This idealistic world you created, a naive world omitted of nearly all conflict is doomed to horrific end if you continue on the path you are now"

"Our world will never fall prey to the cruel machinations of the cosmos!" yelled Celestia "Good shall always triumph over evil and my sister and I will make sure of that! You'll see! The idea of evil will cease to exist once we're through with it, and I will never have to see you again!" for the very first time, Nekros reeled back from it all. His black heart ached with pain from what he had just heard. Surely she didn't mean it all the times before time, but why was it so different now? In a single moment, his jovial attitude faded away and he felt the stinging pain of failure. Failure of being a father.

"..." Nekros hid beneath his hood, a teardrop steadily falling down his bony cheeks "Do you really resent me that much? Even though I've done nothing to earn your hate?"

"Simply being is enough to justify my hate for you!" she roared back like a ravenous lion "Reality as a whole would be better off without you around! I find it jarring how the cosmos can even accept something like you for balance and order!"

"You know full well why, Celly" Nekros choked up but he didn't show it in his voice "Why is it so hard for you to understand? Love is nothing without hate, hope is nothing without disappointment, light is nothing without darkness, life is nothing without death, good is nothing without evil. That is how things are suppose to be. I ask not for you to perform acts of atrocity or anything else that would jeopardize you or your subject's lives, I only ask for even a moment, let nature be..."

"...Leave" Celestia spoke curtly with a piercing glare directed straight towards her father "Leave now! There is nothing wrong with our nature. The sun and moon are under our constant care and so is the land and the sky. You've said more than enough his day, leave and don't even think to try again next year..."

"...If that is what you wish, then... I will leave" said Nekros. But before he left, he did the one thing that caught the princesses completely off guard. In a blinding flash of darkness, he ran forward and pulled his two daughter into a hug. They strained and struggled to break away from his hold, but stopped when they felt something they did not expect from him ever. An embrace that told them everything is okay, that even if their world was to come crashing down on their own head he would move heaven and earth to protect them.

"Like any good father would..." Celestia thought. It was a sensation that they had stubbornly chosen to forget ages ago. The sensation of being told through action rather than words, being told how much they are loved without saying so much as a single word. How foolish of them to see their father for what he was and not for who he is on the inside. A loving father and caring husband to their mother.

"I'm sorry for being what I am..." with one final whisper, a torrent of wind and black streaks flooded the room before disappearing without a trace. Once alone, the two princesses only stared into space as they reflected upon everything that had happened. Had they made a mistake? Had their pride gotten the better of them? Weren't they in the right this whole time? As they wondered, the rainfall grew louder and more intense as the seconds past...

* * *

"Sister" said Luna as she walked up to her sister with a weary look upon her face "It's that day again..."

"I know" Celestia stared into the horizon from the balcony of her room, waiting.

"Sister" said Luna "...It's twelve o' one"

"... I know" at that moment, it rained on such a sunny day.

Author's Note

My first attempt at writing something emotional. It was purely a blind write but any critics would be nice. I hoped you enjoyed it.

Thoughts on a short epilogue

This story started off as a way to break my writer's block and to test the waters on my writing skills when it came to emotion and drama. Though this story was mostly blindly written, and despite being only twenty something hours old, a few of you like what you've read. I suppose some sort of epilogue is in order but I feel that it might detract from my original idea and ending.

A short epilogue of about maybe 1000 to 2000 words detailing something that is a possibility of what happens afterwards. It would be nice to try my hand at emotion again, or I could leave this story be and move on with my other ones. Who knows, maybe this one shot might become a whole nother thing in the near future. Feel free to comment and/or critic my work in the way you deem fit.

Thank you for taking the time to read this little snippet and have a great day(or night depending on where you're at) everyone.