Maybe If You Say It You'll Mean It
It was a rainy day in Ponyville. It was cold and gray; a perfect day to stay inside and read by the fire. But reading was far from my mind. I was sure that if I told anyone that, they'd have immediately understood the gravity of the situation. I was head-over-hooves for a mare, and I was preparing to make my final move. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears as I tried to work up the courage to just walk to The Teapot, where my plan was set up.
Ever since I'd realized I'd fallen in love with the gentle pegasus, I had begun making moves to capture her heart. I'd written many poems and even a short story or two for her. I'd begun practicing my singing, which was far from decent. I'd written out every dream I had of her, half-filling a novel-sized journal with every detail I could remember. I'd written virtually every situation possible in the journal, from a vacation in the Frozen North to a stormy night alone in the library. From innocent and pure to raunchy enough to never see the light of day. My quill never stopped moving for her. I'd never be able to put my true feelings in words.
I sighed heavily, the weight of the world resting on my back. I silently mouthed the words I was to sing for her, paying special attention to the chorus, where I'd directly sing to her. I tapped the syncopation of the bass that was to play behind me. I closed my eyes and breathed, trying to quell the butterflies in my stomach. But that worked about as well as kicking a dragon's nose. I opened the door and stepped out into the freezing winter evening.
The sun had set long before six that evening. The clouds made the darkness that much thicker, the moon nowhere to be seen in the inky blackness. The wind gusted strongly every once in a while, chilling my already clammy skin. I was shivering before I entered the ice-box of the outdoors, and the frigid wind only worsened it. I trotted quickly to get out of the cold as soon as possible.
When I finally reached the place, she was already there, wearing a long pink scarf that matched her mane so well that I mistook it for part of her luxuriously long, soft mane for a moment. I stepped inside, appreciating the warm atmosphere of the teashop. The barista noticed my presence and began preparing my usual drink. I sat down at Fluttershy's table, looking obviously nervous, maybe even scared. Had she called me out on the latter, I'd have been hard-pressed to convince myself I wasn't because I was. I was banking my entire relationship with her on this one move. I watched the band set up, the drummer rearranging his instruments, the bass player tuning her guitar. The keyboard player was wiring all of the amps up to the instruments. And the singer… The singer was sitting at the table of the mare he was singing for, hovering precariously on the edge of a full-blown panic attack and insanity.
The barista set down my drink, but I didn't notice for a long while. Only when the timid pegasus tapped my shoulder did I finally shake myself to reality. She looked at me, concern in her beautiful aquamarine eyes. I forced a weak smile, my heart telling me to just lean in and kiss her. But I couldn't. I didn't know how she'd react…
"Welcome, everypony," a the usual blank-flank black stallion started, greeting all of the writers. "It seems we have a musical performance tonight. May I see the hoof of the singer?"
I timidly raised my hoof. He turned his closed-eyed stare my way and nodded. "You may begin when ready, Dusk." He stepped down and trotted past me on his way to his seat, adding "Good luck."
I stood up, my knees shaking as I stepped up onstage. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, the butterflies in my belly fluttering like mad. Everything seemed to move slower, the lights dimmer, the sounds softer. Everything blurred, but I could see her clearly. The drummer put a hoof on my shoulder, giving me a confident smile. "It'll all work out," he whispered.
I picked up the microphone, "H-hey everyone… You all know who I am… I didn't write this, but I… I really want someone here in particular to hear it…" I paused, the crowd staring at me, judging. "I'd like to dedicate this song to Fluttershy… Please, listen to the lyrics, for they say what I cannot… Without further ado, White Shadows by Coldplay…"
The keyboard started off with one chord, the guitar player coming in with the bass player, who played the off-beat to the guitarist's on-beat. The drummer laid down a solid tempo with the tom-toms. The barrage of sound soon cut off to naught but soft chords from the keyboard and a quiet beat from the drums. I began thusly:
(
)
I went silent, bowing my head, my heart near giving out. The crowd stomped on the ground in applause just as I fell to my knees. I couldn't stand. I was exhausted, emotionally and physically. My heart kept pounding, drowning out the sound of the crowd's approval.
Someone got me to my hooves and escorted me back to my seat. I heard them faintly ask if I was okay, but I couldn't answer, for I didn't know. I felt Fluttershy staring at me, perhaps wanting to ask about the song. As soon as I could lift my head, I saw a glimmer in her eyes that said, we need to talk.
We stepped outside into the frigid cold, my body still blazing from the performance.
"…you… you sounded amazing…" she whispered, blushing a little bit. "…but… I… don't quite understand… what it meant…"
"What is your heart's desire?" I asked, my heart beginning to flutter again. "What is it you want most in life?"
"…I-I… I want love…" she answered almost inaudibly as a gust of wind whipped past us.
"Maybe you'll find it," I said, "Maybe you'll know when you see it."
"But… I don't…"
I placed a hoof on her shoulder looking into her eyes, finally bringing up the point that could make or break me, "When I first realized I was in love with you, it was an accident. I didn't know I loved you until I said it, but when I said it, I meant it. Maybe… Maybe if you say you love me… Maybe you'll mean it, like I did…"
She remained silent for a long time. The wind had died down, but it had only gotten colder. She lowered her head, thinking hard. I could tell she was trying to say something, but was struggling to find the right words. She looked up at me, tears forming in her eyes, glistening with the light from within the teashop. There were three possibilities now… Either she said it and meant it, and happily ever after was ours; she said it but didn't mean it and we slowly withered; or she couldn't say it and my heart would break. One in three… One in three… My chance of happiness was one in three…
Author's Note
Dedicated to my angel… She knows who she is…
Listen to the lyrics, for they say what I cannot.
</3 DarqFox