My Little Porno: Fluffing Is Magicby Inkwell_the_writer_horseChaptersFluffingThe setupAutoerotic asphyxiationFluffing"Harder, Harder! Cum in my ass!" I'd heard those words a thousand times, the go-to porno line for poor fillies who think they can act. I almost stop right there, pull out and call her on her melodramatic cries, but I don't stir the pot, I just keep thrusting and act like this is hard, like I went in dry and I'm starting to chafe, gritting my teeth and keeping my eyes tightly shut, quietly grunting and moaning in pleasure. I'm numb to the orgasms now, sure, they feel pretty good, but that's biology. It means nothing. This job means nothing. "Cut! damn it Carl, ya forgot to pull out! Now we gotta film it again!" I pull out, my, now flaccid member unplugging the mares ass like a sink, my ejaculant dripping out afterwards. I pull out too late, as evidenced by the fat, old earth pony, yelling at me, our director, the ever succesful Smutty Reels. I look at him and sigh, nodding in agreement. I look down at the cute little pink unicorn below me, bent over a black leather, recliner chair. The sets housed within this studio are all amalgams of used, vaguely romantic bullshit and cheap furniture. "Hey." I lightly tap her flank. "You ready to go again?" She looks up at me, giving me a sexy, seductive little smile. "I could do it with you all day." Cute, someone told her i'm a big name in the business and now she thinks I can get her places, I might just be paranoid, but this isn't the first time this has happened, but for the love of Celestia let it be the last. I take my position behind her mentally psyching myself up until I hear that fat idiot again. "Alright everypony, take five." Not now, not now. Every muscle in my body stiffens, except for the one muscle that needs to stiffen, come on, happy thoughts, carl, happy thoughts. My mind races, images of calenders from when I was a colt, Spitfire spread out next to a fire, old Mandy Mare movies, come on, come on. Nothing. "Come on, champ, let's get you fluffed up nice and proper." I'm still tense over this poor filly, even as I feel somepony put their hooves around me, comfortingly. I stay there for thirty seconds, thirty seconds that feel too long. The filly looks up at me, scared. I realise what I'm doing and relax myself. "Sir?" I hear the words of the intern and listen to them this time. I shove myself off of the filly and leave as she peels herself off of the chair with the help of the intern. I make my way to my dressing room, past gawking, middle-aged stallions who wouldn't know their asshole from a hole in the ground, Celestia knows where, or why they get these dweebs. I always see them walking around these cheap sets, talking into walkie-talkies and staring at clipboards, probably just trying to remember what brand of tissue some vapid, wannabe star requested, moments before taking it up the ass from me. I lock the door behind me, resting my head on my dressing table, slamming my hoof down on the table, cursing myself. I almost began to cry until I look up and see the posters behind me through my mirror. Inspiration.Old pornos from back in the day. Former glories reminding me of when I was a spry young colt with nostrils full of coke and a cock the size of my foreleg. I almost smile untill I start hearing things, false memories I've lived through before. It's happened again, in my head I can hear laughter, mocking me, high pitched voices saying "It's perfectly normal for a stallion of your age!" Funny, real fucking funny. Stallions panic over this thing all the time, but when your livelihood rests on it, I think you're justified to freak out over not being able to get your dick hard. It doesn't matter now, we're "taking five", as far as i'm concerned, I've got all the time in the world to get this done. I swivel my chair towards the TV attached high upon the wall opposite me. The TV's a shitty, ancient little thing with a VCR hooked up to it. I grab the remote from my dresser and turn the thing on. The TV bursts to life, right in the middle of an old porn tape I always keep in it. I call it inspiration. It used to belong to my old room mate, he was an asshole,but when shit went missing, he never blamed me, just assumed he misplaced when he was drunk or stoned. The cover was what intrigued me, it was rough, hard, and creased to all hell but, even through the damage one could make out two mares and a dummy wearing a wonderbolts costume. The box was too damaged to make out a title, and it was most likely the cover to something less sexual than the tape inside. The original mares gone wild. I start to slowly caress my balls with one hoof, while putting the remote back with the other. The tape begins on a good part, classic stuff. This yellow pegasus is playing with her self while going down on a big, red stallion. I start to shake my cock, trying to wake it up, then I start working the shaft, gripping it and moving my hoof up and down the length of the old thing, not hard yet, but I feel it getting there. I begin to gradually build speed as the mare on TV does the same, she can't have a gag reflex, that's a big dick and she's just eating it up like a fucking hot dog! I'm too distracted by my own fellatio musing to realise I'm slamming my dick with incredible speed, but I'm still not hard. Fuck. I try to focus only on getting hard, jacking off even faster and staring intently at the TV, not even realising what I'm watching. It becomes mechanical, I'm no longer in control of my foreleg on a conscious level, it moves without my consent. I zone out untill I feel my foreleg ache, at which I slow down to a steady pace, sweating and exhausted. I begin to think. What happens if I can't be in porn anymore, what's my fallback plan? What do I do to earn money? How will I pay the rent? The reality begins to set in and my eyes begin to well up. I grab the remote, turning the TV off before throwing the remote and shoving my face in my hooves, quietly sobbing to myself. In a final moment of desperation, I grab my flaccid member, praying to Celestia it would work and trying so hard that I hit myself in the crotch every time I pulled back. I began to shake from crying. I took the old bottle of champagne from my dresser. It was a gift after I won an award at some dumb porno convention "Best male flank" I was so flattered. Creampie gave it to me, she didn't drink but some fan gave it to her. I popped the cork and began to drink from the bottle, staring into my dressing room mirror. There was a knock on the door. I tried not to sound too hoarse as I yelled out. "Hello?" "It's smutty, can I come in?" Great, that fat fuck, he's the last pony I want to see right now, Celestia know why I invited him in. "Sure, come on in." At least he closed the door behind him this time. He spoke in that croaky, old, Manehattan accent. "So, ya all fluffed up?" I didn't break eye contact with myself as I stared into the mirror. "I can't do it, I just c-can’t." I choked back tears as I waited for a response. "Can't do what?" I began to choke up even worse, sputtering out a short sentence before bursting into hysterical tears. "Get hard!" He stared at me as I slammed my head against my dresser, crying, my hoof still wrapped around the green bottle being pulled left and right by my clumsy hoof. The setupI woke up the next morning with little to no recollection of the night before, after my break down in front of Smutty, the whole night becomes a blur. I hop out of bed and walk around, trying to piece together the night before. I find my answering machine, beeping, a new message. I let it play while I make something that could barely be described as breakfast, A small glass of watered down whiskey and a hastily prepared hay sandwhich. "Hey, it's Smutty!" Great that fat fuck again, at least he might shed some light on last night. "About last night, it's nothing to be ashamed of, it's perfectly normal for stallions your age." You've got to be shitting me, did he really just say that? "We can find ways around it, just go in dry and if we need a close up we can get a stunt cock!" So it's down to this now, I'm a pretty face with a soft cock, just great. "Anyway, if ya get this, call me. Ciao!" Celestia, this is depressing. I used to be top of my game and now this. I slam the whiskey to take my mind off of things, then turn on the TV while I eat my sandwhich. The sandwhich is disgusting, the bread is hard and I'm pretty sure the hay is stale, but I can't stop myself, judging by the smell eminating from my bathroom, I puked up half my guts last night, I need the fulfillment that only a nasty, greasy, fattening burger could offer me, but this limp piece of shit will have to do for now. It's all gone, the sandwhich, my career, all gone. I stare blankly into the TV as I think about it all going away. I quickly shake my head, regaining my focus on happier things, I need to see a friendly face, Creampie, she'll get me out of this rut. I threw on my sunglasses and hailed a cab. Creampies place wasn't that far away, but I couldn't wait, I'd never felt like this, I wanted to rip my hair out, kick a wall, just destroy everything in my path. The cab fare was four bits, what a fucking rip. I hop out, slamming the door behind me. I saw it, her apartment building. My heart began to beat a little faster, and the mere thought of seeing her made me feel a lot better. I walked up and pressed the buzzer. "Hello?" That voice, so beautiful, so angelic even garbled by this shitty intercom. "H-hey, it's Carl." Fuck, I sound like such a dweeb. I'm still twitchy from the night before, still a fuck ton of alcohol in my system, should have tried to drain myself before coming down here. "Oh, hey Carl. How've ya been? Come on up, I'll buzz you in" I hear that harsh electronic bzzzzzt, and right now, that's the most beautiful sound in the world, inviting me to her home, her domain. The elevator ride up feels longer than usual. It was a sterile, white box, the back wall being replaced with a giant mirror. I looked horrible, I was unshaven, a harsh blanket of stubble was tightly wrapped around my jaw, and my hair was a complete mess, but even worse than both of those things, was the light pink aura that surrounded my eyes, visible, even through the sunglasses. I began to blink, profusely, but it was no use. Celestia, I looked like a fucking wreck. The doors opened behind me, and I heard that amazing voice again. "Checking yourself out?" I realise what I'm doing and quickly spin, trying to act suave but only succeeding in delivering an awkward smile to the incredible mare, now in front of me. "Cam't blame ya, if I had a body like yours i'd be checking it out, too." She ends with her cute little giggle, it's almost intoxicating, but I can't afford to be any more intoxicated. She nods towards her couch. "come inside." I follow her instructuions, the couch is comfy, I don't recongnise the material, but it's damn comfy. "So, why are you so quiet?" She gives me another cute smile, and I realise what she's asking. "Look, Creampie, I need help." "What is it this time, trouble getting it up?" She's just kidding, she's not trying to mock me, I have to remind myself. "Well, yea." I must look so fucking pathetic right now, hunched over, staring at the floor, one hoof on my neck and awkwardly smiling, looking up at the living embodiment of perfection. She drops the smile and I feel like bursting into tears, the very thought of being the reason she stops smiling makes me die a little inside. "Oh, Carl." She sits next to me on the couch, holding me close, comfortingly. For a brief moment I get worried that she might make me hard, then I remember why we're in this embrace. "Honey, what's wrong?" I pull away, disgusted by my impotence, and try my hardest to explain what even I don't know. "I don't know, it all started awhile ago. One minute i'm balls deep, and the shoot's going great, and the next minute I can't even get hard, I just don't know what to do." I put my head down, grabbing onto my scruffy, unbrushed mane with my hooves. "How've you tried getting hard?" "Just. Y'know." I extend out my arm, jerking my hoof back and forth in a masturbating motion. She nods. "What, like this?" She grabs my cock, and begins to tenderly stroke it. I can't believe it, she's never done anything like this before, except when we worked together, but that was work. Does this mean anything? Or does she think that since we're in porn it won't mean anything? This is almost too much, until I stop overthinking things and just enjoy the moment. She gets down on her knees in front of me, putting my entire dick in her mouth, she tightens her lips around the base of my cock and begins to suck, her head begins to bob up and down, her tongue pokes out ahead of her lips, and she begins to lick my shaft, my still soft, numb shaft. Oh fuck, come on, of all the times this had to happen, not now, please not now. I stop her, holding back her shoulder as I scoot further back onto the couch. "Why'd ya stop me?" Fuck, don't look at me, please don't look at me. I get shaky again, and start walking to the elevator, trying not to make eye contact with her. "I-I have to go!" I can't bear to look at her face, her beautiful face. Fuck, just get out, get out, and then you can wallow in self pity, but right now just leave. I start to breath heavily as the elevator descends to the flea ridden shit hole of a city below me. I start to feel out of breath, really out of breath, is this a panic attack? I step outside the elevator, only to collide with the warm pavement, face first. Autoerotic asphyxiationI woke up in a hospital bed, it was an unfamiliar feeling. Considering the life I lived, you'd think more mornings would be spent waking up in big, white sterile, busy hospital with rows of beds spread out around the wide hallways that made up the buildings interior. This had only ever happened to me once before, when I was fiften, I tried choking myself with my dads belt whilst jerking off for the first time. I held the belt too tight and passed out, my mom thought I was trying to kill myself. I haven't thought of that in years, what was once a sombre memory becomes pretty fucking funny in retrospect. My barely open eyes dart around the room, no one was there, not even her. Fuck. I try to get up, but I'm held down by all these wires and tubes. Shit, how long was I out for? This is bad, really bad. My ears perk up when I hear the door creak. It's her, thank Celestia, it's her. "Oh, thank Celestia, you're okay!" It's Creampie, she's here because she cared? Because she felt guilty? It doesn't matter right now, she's here, and that's all that matters. I try to talk, but I still feel too weak, all I manage to grunt out are harsh coughs and wheezy moans. She walks over closer to me. "The doctors said you had a panic attack, you left the apartment in such a hurry, I chased after you to make sure everything was alright but you'd collapsed just out the building." I begin to get a little teary eyed over how pathetic I must seem, a fucking panic attack, shit, that really is fucking pathetic. "Look, I'd love to stay, but Smutty just called, and I have to go to a shoot, but call me, when you get out. goodbye" She plants a kiss on my forehead before leaving me alone with my thoughts, why did she have to do that? A doctor better get in here soon or I swear I'll- Creeeeeeak Perfect timing, here comes the doc. "Well, mr Clops, It seems that you had a panic attack this morning." I find my voice. "Creampie already told me, just tell me what the treatment is so I can get outta here." I think he's shocked with my bluntness. He regains his composure and gives it to me straight, just as i'd hoped. "Very well, you'll need to undergo a phsyce evaluation to determine the cause of the attack, If it's clinical depression we can prescribe you mood altering medication, and suggest you begin talking to a therapist." Short and sweet, nice. I nod and he leaves to get a nurse, I could swear I've been in this situation before. A, sexless, hour later and I find myself in the hospitals cafeteria, finally getting my hooves on that greasy ball of disgust called a burger I've been craving all day, if only I had a stiff drink to go with this, but no bar in sight, a warm soda will have to do. After the burger, I head to meet with some shrink for the phsyce evaluation. We talk for awhile, but it's all pointless. Of course I'm fucking depressed that I can't get hard, what a waste of time, either way, they gave me some pills that they said should help, Prozac and a coupon with "Viagra" written on it, just so I didn't forget, how fucking patronizing. I pick up the Prozac from the pharmacy in the hospital, I begin to examine the translucent orange bottle. "Side effects may include decreased sex drive, erectile dysfunction." Fuck, fucking fuck! I begin to take deep breaths as I squeeze the pill bottle in my hoof. No point getting myself all worked up over a little thing like that, just slow down. I start working things out in my head, would the Viagra counter balance the Prozac? Is it safe to take them both at the same time? Fuck,why did this have to happen? I feel another panic attack coming on and quickly choke down couple of white and turqoise capsules. They go down rough so I head to a nearby bar to wake myself up. I sit at the bar, in plain sight of everypony. A few high school kids recongnise me, say they saw me in a tape they found under their dads bed, brings back memories, good memories. We take a picture, and I sign it, before going on to give them a few pointers on how to score. They run off and try to use their new skills on some mares in a booth, they crash and burn. I pay for my whiskey and slip out the door before the kids come back. I begin to walk down the street when I feel the whiskey kick in, a nice warm feeling in the pit of my stomach as all of my problems seemingly disappear. I hear a familiar voice behind me. "Hey! Carl!" And all of my problems come rushing back to me. I start shaking again as I turn around to see Smutty, and that's about the point where I blacked out.
Fluffing"Harder, Harder! Cum in my ass!" I'd heard those words a thousand times, the go-to porno line for poor fillies who think they can act. I almost stop right there, pull out and call her on her melodramatic cries, but I don't stir the pot, I just keep thrusting and act like this is hard, like I went in dry and I'm starting to chafe, gritting my teeth and keeping my eyes tightly shut, quietly grunting and moaning in pleasure. I'm numb to the orgasms now, sure, they feel pretty good, but that's biology. It means nothing. This job means nothing. "Cut! damn it Carl, ya forgot to pull out! Now we gotta film it again!" I pull out, my, now flaccid member unplugging the mares ass like a sink, my ejaculant dripping out afterwards. I pull out too late, as evidenced by the fat, old earth pony, yelling at me, our director, the ever succesful Smutty Reels. I look at him and sigh, nodding in agreement. I look down at the cute little pink unicorn below me, bent over a black leather, recliner chair. The sets housed within this studio are all amalgams of used, vaguely romantic bullshit and cheap furniture. "Hey." I lightly tap her flank. "You ready to go again?" She looks up at me, giving me a sexy, seductive little smile. "I could do it with you all day." Cute, someone told her i'm a big name in the business and now she thinks I can get her places, I might just be paranoid, but this isn't the first time this has happened, but for the love of Celestia let it be the last. I take my position behind her mentally psyching myself up until I hear that fat idiot again. "Alright everypony, take five." Not now, not now. Every muscle in my body stiffens, except for the one muscle that needs to stiffen, come on, happy thoughts, carl, happy thoughts. My mind races, images of calenders from when I was a colt, Spitfire spread out next to a fire, old Mandy Mare movies, come on, come on. Nothing. "Come on, champ, let's get you fluffed up nice and proper." I'm still tense over this poor filly, even as I feel somepony put their hooves around me, comfortingly. I stay there for thirty seconds, thirty seconds that feel too long. The filly looks up at me, scared. I realise what I'm doing and relax myself. "Sir?" I hear the words of the intern and listen to them this time. I shove myself off of the filly and leave as she peels herself off of the chair with the help of the intern. I make my way to my dressing room, past gawking, middle-aged stallions who wouldn't know their asshole from a hole in the ground, Celestia knows where, or why they get these dweebs. I always see them walking around these cheap sets, talking into walkie-talkies and staring at clipboards, probably just trying to remember what brand of tissue some vapid, wannabe star requested, moments before taking it up the ass from me. I lock the door behind me, resting my head on my dressing table, slamming my hoof down on the table, cursing myself. I almost began to cry until I look up and see the posters behind me through my mirror. Inspiration.Old pornos from back in the day. Former glories reminding me of when I was a spry young colt with nostrils full of coke and a cock the size of my foreleg. I almost smile untill I start hearing things, false memories I've lived through before. It's happened again, in my head I can hear laughter, mocking me, high pitched voices saying "It's perfectly normal for a stallion of your age!" Funny, real fucking funny. Stallions panic over this thing all the time, but when your livelihood rests on it, I think you're justified to freak out over not being able to get your dick hard. It doesn't matter now, we're "taking five", as far as i'm concerned, I've got all the time in the world to get this done. I swivel my chair towards the TV attached high upon the wall opposite me. The TV's a shitty, ancient little thing with a VCR hooked up to it. I grab the remote from my dresser and turn the thing on. The TV bursts to life, right in the middle of an old porn tape I always keep in it. I call it inspiration. It used to belong to my old room mate, he was an asshole,but when shit went missing, he never blamed me, just assumed he misplaced when he was drunk or stoned. The cover was what intrigued me, it was rough, hard, and creased to all hell but, even through the damage one could make out two mares and a dummy wearing a wonderbolts costume. The box was too damaged to make out a title, and it was most likely the cover to something less sexual than the tape inside. The original mares gone wild. I start to slowly caress my balls with one hoof, while putting the remote back with the other. The tape begins on a good part, classic stuff. This yellow pegasus is playing with her self while going down on a big, red stallion. I start to shake my cock, trying to wake it up, then I start working the shaft, gripping it and moving my hoof up and down the length of the old thing, not hard yet, but I feel it getting there. I begin to gradually build speed as the mare on TV does the same, she can't have a gag reflex, that's a big dick and she's just eating it up like a fucking hot dog! I'm too distracted by my own fellatio musing to realise I'm slamming my dick with incredible speed, but I'm still not hard. Fuck. I try to focus only on getting hard, jacking off even faster and staring intently at the TV, not even realising what I'm watching. It becomes mechanical, I'm no longer in control of my foreleg on a conscious level, it moves without my consent. I zone out untill I feel my foreleg ache, at which I slow down to a steady pace, sweating and exhausted. I begin to think. What happens if I can't be in porn anymore, what's my fallback plan? What do I do to earn money? How will I pay the rent? The reality begins to set in and my eyes begin to well up. I grab the remote, turning the TV off before throwing the remote and shoving my face in my hooves, quietly sobbing to myself. In a final moment of desperation, I grab my flaccid member, praying to Celestia it would work and trying so hard that I hit myself in the crotch every time I pulled back. I began to shake from crying. I took the old bottle of champagne from my dresser. It was a gift after I won an award at some dumb porno convention "Best male flank" I was so flattered. Creampie gave it to me, she didn't drink but some fan gave it to her. I popped the cork and began to drink from the bottle, staring into my dressing room mirror. There was a knock on the door. I tried not to sound too hoarse as I yelled out. "Hello?" "It's smutty, can I come in?" Great, that fat fuck, he's the last pony I want to see right now, Celestia know why I invited him in. "Sure, come on in." At least he closed the door behind him this time. He spoke in that croaky, old, Manehattan accent. "So, ya all fluffed up?" I didn't break eye contact with myself as I stared into the mirror. "I can't do it, I just c-can’t." I choked back tears as I waited for a response. "Can't do what?" I began to choke up even worse, sputtering out a short sentence before bursting into hysterical tears. "Get hard!" He stared at me as I slammed my head against my dresser, crying, my hoof still wrapped around the green bottle being pulled left and right by my clumsy hoof.
The setupI woke up the next morning with little to no recollection of the night before, after my break down in front of Smutty, the whole night becomes a blur. I hop out of bed and walk around, trying to piece together the night before. I find my answering machine, beeping, a new message. I let it play while I make something that could barely be described as breakfast, A small glass of watered down whiskey and a hastily prepared hay sandwhich. "Hey, it's Smutty!" Great that fat fuck again, at least he might shed some light on last night. "About last night, it's nothing to be ashamed of, it's perfectly normal for stallions your age." You've got to be shitting me, did he really just say that? "We can find ways around it, just go in dry and if we need a close up we can get a stunt cock!" So it's down to this now, I'm a pretty face with a soft cock, just great. "Anyway, if ya get this, call me. Ciao!" Celestia, this is depressing. I used to be top of my game and now this. I slam the whiskey to take my mind off of things, then turn on the TV while I eat my sandwhich. The sandwhich is disgusting, the bread is hard and I'm pretty sure the hay is stale, but I can't stop myself, judging by the smell eminating from my bathroom, I puked up half my guts last night, I need the fulfillment that only a nasty, greasy, fattening burger could offer me, but this limp piece of shit will have to do for now. It's all gone, the sandwhich, my career, all gone. I stare blankly into the TV as I think about it all going away. I quickly shake my head, regaining my focus on happier things, I need to see a friendly face, Creampie, she'll get me out of this rut. I threw on my sunglasses and hailed a cab. Creampies place wasn't that far away, but I couldn't wait, I'd never felt like this, I wanted to rip my hair out, kick a wall, just destroy everything in my path. The cab fare was four bits, what a fucking rip. I hop out, slamming the door behind me. I saw it, her apartment building. My heart began to beat a little faster, and the mere thought of seeing her made me feel a lot better. I walked up and pressed the buzzer. "Hello?" That voice, so beautiful, so angelic even garbled by this shitty intercom. "H-hey, it's Carl." Fuck, I sound like such a dweeb. I'm still twitchy from the night before, still a fuck ton of alcohol in my system, should have tried to drain myself before coming down here. "Oh, hey Carl. How've ya been? Come on up, I'll buzz you in" I hear that harsh electronic bzzzzzt, and right now, that's the most beautiful sound in the world, inviting me to her home, her domain. The elevator ride up feels longer than usual. It was a sterile, white box, the back wall being replaced with a giant mirror. I looked horrible, I was unshaven, a harsh blanket of stubble was tightly wrapped around my jaw, and my hair was a complete mess, but even worse than both of those things, was the light pink aura that surrounded my eyes, visible, even through the sunglasses. I began to blink, profusely, but it was no use. Celestia, I looked like a fucking wreck. The doors opened behind me, and I heard that amazing voice again. "Checking yourself out?" I realise what I'm doing and quickly spin, trying to act suave but only succeeding in delivering an awkward smile to the incredible mare, now in front of me. "Cam't blame ya, if I had a body like yours i'd be checking it out, too." She ends with her cute little giggle, it's almost intoxicating, but I can't afford to be any more intoxicated. She nods towards her couch. "come inside." I follow her instructuions, the couch is comfy, I don't recongnise the material, but it's damn comfy. "So, why are you so quiet?" She gives me another cute smile, and I realise what she's asking. "Look, Creampie, I need help." "What is it this time, trouble getting it up?" She's just kidding, she's not trying to mock me, I have to remind myself. "Well, yea." I must look so fucking pathetic right now, hunched over, staring at the floor, one hoof on my neck and awkwardly smiling, looking up at the living embodiment of perfection. She drops the smile and I feel like bursting into tears, the very thought of being the reason she stops smiling makes me die a little inside. "Oh, Carl." She sits next to me on the couch, holding me close, comfortingly. For a brief moment I get worried that she might make me hard, then I remember why we're in this embrace. "Honey, what's wrong?" I pull away, disgusted by my impotence, and try my hardest to explain what even I don't know. "I don't know, it all started awhile ago. One minute i'm balls deep, and the shoot's going great, and the next minute I can't even get hard, I just don't know what to do." I put my head down, grabbing onto my scruffy, unbrushed mane with my hooves. "How've you tried getting hard?" "Just. Y'know." I extend out my arm, jerking my hoof back and forth in a masturbating motion. She nods. "What, like this?" She grabs my cock, and begins to tenderly stroke it. I can't believe it, she's never done anything like this before, except when we worked together, but that was work. Does this mean anything? Or does she think that since we're in porn it won't mean anything? This is almost too much, until I stop overthinking things and just enjoy the moment. She gets down on her knees in front of me, putting my entire dick in her mouth, she tightens her lips around the base of my cock and begins to suck, her head begins to bob up and down, her tongue pokes out ahead of her lips, and she begins to lick my shaft, my still soft, numb shaft. Oh fuck, come on, of all the times this had to happen, not now, please not now. I stop her, holding back her shoulder as I scoot further back onto the couch. "Why'd ya stop me?" Fuck, don't look at me, please don't look at me. I get shaky again, and start walking to the elevator, trying not to make eye contact with her. "I-I have to go!" I can't bear to look at her face, her beautiful face. Fuck, just get out, get out, and then you can wallow in self pity, but right now just leave. I start to breath heavily as the elevator descends to the flea ridden shit hole of a city below me. I start to feel out of breath, really out of breath, is this a panic attack? I step outside the elevator, only to collide with the warm pavement, face first.
Autoerotic asphyxiationI woke up in a hospital bed, it was an unfamiliar feeling. Considering the life I lived, you'd think more mornings would be spent waking up in big, white sterile, busy hospital with rows of beds spread out around the wide hallways that made up the buildings interior. This had only ever happened to me once before, when I was fiften, I tried choking myself with my dads belt whilst jerking off for the first time. I held the belt too tight and passed out, my mom thought I was trying to kill myself. I haven't thought of that in years, what was once a sombre memory becomes pretty fucking funny in retrospect. My barely open eyes dart around the room, no one was there, not even her. Fuck. I try to get up, but I'm held down by all these wires and tubes. Shit, how long was I out for? This is bad, really bad. My ears perk up when I hear the door creak. It's her, thank Celestia, it's her. "Oh, thank Celestia, you're okay!" It's Creampie, she's here because she cared? Because she felt guilty? It doesn't matter right now, she's here, and that's all that matters. I try to talk, but I still feel too weak, all I manage to grunt out are harsh coughs and wheezy moans. She walks over closer to me. "The doctors said you had a panic attack, you left the apartment in such a hurry, I chased after you to make sure everything was alright but you'd collapsed just out the building." I begin to get a little teary eyed over how pathetic I must seem, a fucking panic attack, shit, that really is fucking pathetic. "Look, I'd love to stay, but Smutty just called, and I have to go to a shoot, but call me, when you get out. goodbye" She plants a kiss on my forehead before leaving me alone with my thoughts, why did she have to do that? A doctor better get in here soon or I swear I'll- Creeeeeeak Perfect timing, here comes the doc. "Well, mr Clops, It seems that you had a panic attack this morning." I find my voice. "Creampie already told me, just tell me what the treatment is so I can get outta here." I think he's shocked with my bluntness. He regains his composure and gives it to me straight, just as i'd hoped. "Very well, you'll need to undergo a phsyce evaluation to determine the cause of the attack, If it's clinical depression we can prescribe you mood altering medication, and suggest you begin talking to a therapist." Short and sweet, nice. I nod and he leaves to get a nurse, I could swear I've been in this situation before. A, sexless, hour later and I find myself in the hospitals cafeteria, finally getting my hooves on that greasy ball of disgust called a burger I've been craving all day, if only I had a stiff drink to go with this, but no bar in sight, a warm soda will have to do. After the burger, I head to meet with some shrink for the phsyce evaluation. We talk for awhile, but it's all pointless. Of course I'm fucking depressed that I can't get hard, what a waste of time, either way, they gave me some pills that they said should help, Prozac and a coupon with "Viagra" written on it, just so I didn't forget, how fucking patronizing. I pick up the Prozac from the pharmacy in the hospital, I begin to examine the translucent orange bottle. "Side effects may include decreased sex drive, erectile dysfunction." Fuck, fucking fuck! I begin to take deep breaths as I squeeze the pill bottle in my hoof. No point getting myself all worked up over a little thing like that, just slow down. I start working things out in my head, would the Viagra counter balance the Prozac? Is it safe to take them both at the same time? Fuck,why did this have to happen? I feel another panic attack coming on and quickly choke down couple of white and turqoise capsules. They go down rough so I head to a nearby bar to wake myself up. I sit at the bar, in plain sight of everypony. A few high school kids recongnise me, say they saw me in a tape they found under their dads bed, brings back memories, good memories. We take a picture, and I sign it, before going on to give them a few pointers on how to score. They run off and try to use their new skills on some mares in a booth, they crash and burn. I pay for my whiskey and slip out the door before the kids come back. I begin to walk down the street when I feel the whiskey kick in, a nice warm feeling in the pit of my stomach as all of my problems seemingly disappear. I hear a familiar voice behind me. "Hey! Carl!" And all of my problems come rushing back to me. I start shaking again as I turn around to see Smutty, and that's about the point where I blacked out.
