S.Mart

"Okay, Elements," Twilight began, trotting in front of a purple curtain put up in the library. "We have a problem."

"Discord? Is he putting chilies in the water well again? "Fluttershy said shyly, as she hovered over the ground, looking off to the left of Twilight. "I'm so sorry, Twilight, I'll tell him about it again."

"No, Fluttershy, it isn't-"

"So, is it a super cool monster made out of bricks and black magic and-" Rainbow flew around, letting her imagination go wild with thoughts of fighting the biggest, greatest and strongest monster she could think of before being cut off by Twilight.

"No, Rainbow! No big mon-"

"Parasprites again? They ain't coming near my-" Applejack started and she imitated poking something with a pitchfork.

"No, Applejack, not parasprites."

"Oooohhhh, me, me, me!" Pinkie screamed. "Author... please!" She pleaded to the sky, almost praying.

"Pinkie? What... you okay?"

"Yes! Is it monster presents?!"

"No... it's not that..."

"Oh..."

"Darling?" Rarity said, holding up her hoof. "What is it then?"

"Thank you Rarity, thank you for seeing a bit of reason." Twilight said, being jokingly sarcastic. "Well, hold on for a minute and I'll let you see." Twilight dashed behind the curtain and wheeled something forward.

"What are you doing?!" A voice came from behind the curtain. The other elements both raised an eyebrow to each other and leaned to the curtain trying to get more of the conversation.

"I'm trying to get some brain equipment on you." Twilight spoke to the stranger behind the curtain.

"Brain equipment?! ARE YOU TRYING TO BRAINWASH ASH WILLIAMS?!" The stranger shouted, Rainbow grinned, Applejack rolled her eyes noticing the stranger's ego, Pinkie Pie giggled slightly at his funny name, Rarity recoiled slightly then leaned in more than before.

"No, I am not trying to brain wash you; I am trying to see your dreams and thoughts." Twilight tired to speak softly to him and the elements thought it would have stopped screaming by now.

"No! You are not seeing my dreams and thoughts!"

"Why not?"

"I do not live in a cartoon, all my thoughts are unfiltered by children's cartoon logic! It's got some stuff up here, man!"

"Cartoon? Children?"

"I'm not explaining it! You are just not allowed to look into my head!"

"Well, then," Twilight continued. Making the rest of them anxious at the 'stallion's' rage about his brain. "How can we judge if you are evil or not?"

"Here's a reason, I haven't shot in the head yet."

"Shot?"

A groan emitted from behind the curtain. "It's basically this." A few clicks were heard behind the curtain then a wild flash with a large bang escorting it.

All of the elements recoiled and all shouted "Twilight!" And as they tried to charge the curtain, sunlight blinded them; when they looked up; there was a gaping hole in the ceiling, they still retained their charge and shot through the curtain; only have a millisecond of purple blindness.

"TWILIGHT!" They yelled before looking around the space that was cut off. After they did, they noticed that the purple unicorn they were yelling for. Twilight had fallen to the floor, her eyes rolling around and one of her hooves almost latched to the side of her face and next to her was a primate with two hellish looking equipment. "GET HIM!"

"OH LORD!" Ash shouted as he tried to hold his own against five multicolored talking ponies, which he couldn't. All he did has get his shotgun basically attached to his chest by two blue hooves then got knocked out by orange ones.

"But mom, school is so boring." Ash gurgled in his sleep, still unconscious as Rainbow and Applejack restrained him to the center table of the library with old rope they found in the basement, Pinkie Pie set up decoration for a 'come out of an Apple sucker punch' party, Rarity and Twilight fashioning the helmet of the equipment on Ash's head. "Please mom, I don't wanna."

"What is he even gurgling about?" Applejack muttered to Rainbow, tightening her rope.

"No a clue, probably a nightmare." Rainbow smirked, tightening up her rope.

"A nightmare? But it's a dream about sch- ... oh... good one, Rainbow."

"I knew you would like it."

"Why?" Applejack came up from the rope and looked across Ash's chest at where Rainbow would be if she moved her head up.

"Because," Rainbow got up and looked over to Applejack. "As Twilight would say 'because you are'" she paused for effect, pretending to be swirling something with her hoof and looking at it, after a few seconds, she looked back and said. "'An uncultured swine'"

"Oi! You are uncultured!"

"How?"

"Do you have some of, as Rarity would say," imitating the same casual voice Rainbow put on for 'as Twilight would say'. "Zecora's decor," Applejack tried to copy Rarity's voice but ended up with a lousy copy. "In your house?"

"No but-"

"Who's uncultured now?" She toothily grinned.

"I am." Rainbow muttered.

"What did you say?" She leaned in, with a hoof over her ear.

"I am." Rainbow muttered slightly louder.

"What did you say, Rainbow?"

"I AM!" Rainbow shouted, making Ash stir slightly.

Ash scrunched up his face slightly and tilted his head slightly. "Mom don't shout, the alarm does that."

"Will you two stop arguing and don't wake him?" Twilight said, tying wires together and pushing them through holes in the helmet.

"Why don't you want him to wake up? So he doesn't discover a purple pony has a crush on him?" Rainbow giggled as she spoke and at the end, burst out laughing and soon followed, so did Applejack.

"No," Twilight got up from her equipment, letting a green wire hang from the helmet. "I just want to get this equipment on him without him arguing."

"Ohhh, looks like you and your boyfriend," Applejack giggled loudly, cutting her sentence a bit, letting Twilight fill with rage. "Want to try new things." Again both Rainbow Dash and her burst out laughing again.

Twilight groaned, levitating the green wire and putting back into it's bundle of wires. "Just restrain him."

Both Applejack and Rainbow shared an 'oooooo' and went back to work, giggling as they did.

"Dear," Rarity started to Twilight as she rolled the some machinery across the floor. "Why do we need to scan his thoughts, anyway?"

"Well, we need to see if he's evil or not."

"But he didn't," Rarity stopped pushing the machine and put her hoof under her chin. "Didn't..." Her face lit up. "Shoot you! He didn't shoot you, so he isn't evil right?"

"Maybe but trickery is a thing."

After she finished rolling the machine over to where Twilight is. "Yeah... his clothes are pretty ruined, aren't they?"

"Are you asking if you can make him some clothes?" Twilight raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, we don't want ponies to believe he's homeless..." She trailed off. "Twilight, how are we supposed to hide him?"

"We could just tell people about him."

The rest of the elements gasped. "Are you crazy?!" They all said at the same time.

"No, just brilliantly intelligent." She chuckled.

"Ponies aren't goin' to be very acceptin' of that." Applejack pointed at hoof at Ash and then scratched her chin. "... what is that anyway?"

Pinkie who had been quiet for most of the conversations, turned from her 'Sucker-Punch Special' balloons and shouted. "He's a monkey!"

The other elements turned to Pinkie with startled dumbfounded faces. Twilight cleared her throat and asked, "Pinkie, why would he be a monkey?"

"Well, he didn't start as a monkey, he started as a single cell organism and went up to fish then a lot of boring stuff, blah blah fire blah blah wheel, then after a r-r-r-r-really long time he became a monkey!"

"So," Twilight began. "Your theory is... he's a monkey?"

"Yes, duh Twilight, read the evolution of species."

"What is the evolution of species?"

"It's a really old book by a stallion with a big beard and it tells you all this boring stuff about how one cell organisms became monkeys!"

"Where is this book?"

"... I don't know, I have things that come and go."

"It just went?"

"No, I sold it."

"Sold it to who?"

"I sold it to the Canterlot library!" Pinkie chimed.

As Pinkie chimed, Twilight sighed; the Canterlot library is used as must as a oven filled with fireworks. It's only used for when Equestria falls or is failing, that's the main thing, the only other is for knowledge which no pony wants.

"Okay..." Rainbow hovered above the ground with a confused look on her face. "Let's not go into a full scale argument battle about books and monkeys but think more about how or where we are going to hide... 'Ash'..."

Pinkie Pie, while tying balloons to the 'welcome back cart', said, in a sing song fashion. "Why not Rarity's?"

As soon as Pinkie had said this, the other elements turned to Rarity, who had finished putting a large piece of machinery right next to Ash's head. As soon as her brain registered what Pinkie said, her concentration turned to complete terror. "No! No! NO! I'm not having that in my house! N-"

Rarity was cut off by Ash stirring and saying. "No dear, I wasn't having the nurse with big boobs dream again."

Every-pony in room raised an eyebrow but after a few seconds, Twilight's eyes started to dart. "Quick! We need to hurry! Equipment, restraints..." Twilight looked at Pinkie. "And the party."

"Woo-hoo!"

Applejack and Rainbow Dash tightened the restraints, forcing themselves to ignore the red marks they had make with the ropes.

Pinkie moved her 'Woo-hoo, welcome back to reality' and other balloons in Ash's direction, after she did, she pushed some mysterious canisters into the side.

Twilight and Rarity rushed with wires sticking them into the helmet, random green, red and yellow wires were in random holes in the helmet.

Ash's eyes opened and he tried to move his hand, after he couldn't, he tried again, after he couldn't... again, he tried to move his legs. Nothing... Wait a minute... Goddamn it! They are trying to search my head!

"HEY!" Ash screamed at the top of his voice. "You can't search my-"

"Sorry Ash," Twilight looked over so Ash could see her. "But, Applejack; sucker punch please."

"Wait wait! Someone he-"

Orange darkness again and then black darkness.

Fan-bloody-tastic.