Twilight's Machine

by Fiddlesworth the bear

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Tragedy, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Main 6, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Other, Romance, Princess Luna
Length: 1485

Twilight and the gang make a cool new invention to universe hop!

where will Twilight and the gang go for an adventure this time? FIND OUT IN "Twilight's Machine"

A collaboration between me and Lord Ershwin Wholewheat

Published 2013-12-09 03:40:04 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-09 03:40:04 UTC

The gangs all here

“Geez Twilight, what did you want us here for today?” Apple yeah asked.

“Well you see ,unimportant character, I brought you and the rest of the gang here to witness my new invention! I call it the “switch 2 living thing’s bodies from another universe with each other machine” but you can just call it “switch 2 living thing’s bodies from another universe with each other machine.” Twilight said.

“Uh, this doesn’t sound like such a good idea twilight dear.” fashion horse said.

“Well why don’t we just test it out?” Then Twilight pressed the “ON” button and everything just changed, her molecules got all rearranged. When the flash was finally over the mane 4 saw a donkey standing there with a plate of waffles.

“Um...who are yo-” Rainbow Dash said before getting cut off.

“My name’s Donkeh! Who wants some of my famous homemade waffles!?” Donkey said.

“Oh, Donkeh! I told you not to screw with my purple paint, and what are you doing with that ridiculous ice cream cone on your head? I can’t believe I agreed to letting you live with me.” Shrek said, ripping twilight’s horn off her head.

“OW! HEY! That was my horn, oh geez Louise that hurts. Now how am I going to get home, and what in the world are you?” Twilight said attempting to tend to her wound.

“What in the name of eyeball soup are you talking about? This is your home Donkeh, and I'm an ogre! Did you hit ye head too hard or sumthin’?” Shrek said.

“Where am I anyway?” Twilight questioned Shrek.

“Ma Swamp!” Shrek blurted out.

“Can you just please help me get home? This place is scary and smells like feet.”

“Finally someone noticed my new air fresheners. Now lets go kill Farquad and get my stash of onions back!” Shrek said while grabbing twilight’s tail and punting her through the wall like a football.

“Man Twilight you really put on some wait!” Apple Jack said.

“...Good heavens non important southern character! That’s not Twilight, that’s Donkey, and you even spelled weight wrong. Idiot!” Rarity said.

“Ew! You mean that dang tootin’ thing from that horrible movie “Shrek”?” Jack said.

Suddenly Donkey’s eyes widened as though he just took LSD and shouted “Oh no you ain't!” and then he attempted to charge south horse.

“I SUMMON THE GREAT JIMMY NUTRON TO HELP ME WITH THIS UNHOLY CREATURE!”

“Gotta blast!” Jimmy Neutron said while flying in through the window with his rocket ship and blasting both Apple Jack and Donkey to a pulp with his ion cannon he made with his brain. Then Jimmy yelled “Everyone! Hop onto my rocket, were going on an adventure to save celestia from the evil living pizzas!”

“I-I don’t know…” Fluttershy said being all shy like usual. “It sounds like they’d be really aggressive an-”

Before Fluttershy could say another word she was blasted into bits also. “She was just holding us down anyway! Everyone, hop in!” Jimbles Nuntrombo said.

As soon as the remaining mane 6 or something hopped in they experienced a speed like no other. It was so fast that Snowflake yelled “RADICAL.” and then they went so fast they went into space and all suffocated to death. Except for Snowflake because he can breathe in space.

“How many more times are you going to hurt me like this?” Twilight asked.

“We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel in our journey Donkeh!” Shrek said.

“That doesn’t make any sen-” before Twilight could finish Shrek was already punting her across the lands again.

“Silly Donkeh, always coming up with the funniest jokes.”
MANY MILES LATER

“Please Mr. Shrek can we take a break? You’ve been punting me for hours, i'm tired and hungry.” Twilight pleaded.

“Hungreh are ye? Here, have some of my famous eyeball soup. I always keep it handy just in case anyone gets hungry for some odd reason.” Shrek said as he cautiously took a heaping hot bowl of eyeball soup out of his pocket and started forcing it down Twilight’s throat.

“THE BOOKS DIDN’T PREPARE ME FOR THIS!!” Twilight yelled.

“Silleh Donkeh! You don’t know how to read, and besides, books are for sleeping on not reading!” Shrek said as he ripped the books to shreds and instantly fell asleep.

“Wha-What? Where did you even get those books from? I only mentioned the word books and it was as though you had one in your pocket! Doesn’t that mean you were reading?” Twilight said.

“Hush now Donkeh, we’ll need some shud eye so we can continue our journey in the mourning.” Before Twilight could resist Shrek drop kicked her into sweet sleep.

Meanwhile in Canterlot.

“I hope you enjoy that steak I made you sister Luna.” Celestia said while passing the steak.

“Yes we quite enjoy it!” Luna yelled to her sister while cutting into her Ikea brand steak.

Suddenly a rocket ship with the dead bodies of the mane 6 and Jimmy Nuetron crash through the roof and smashed the table.

“...Celestia...the Mane 6 are dead again.” Luna said.

“I can see that, pass the salt?” Celestia said.

“Don’t you think this is such a weird day sister?” Luna said while passing the pepper.

“yyyyYYYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHhhhhh!!!!” Snowflake yelled while plummeting towards the castle.

“Oh no not again!” Luna yelled before getting pile drived by the massive horse.

“Here lies Richar-” before the priest could continue his sentence Shrek scooped up the dead body and started dancing with it.

“...Oh come on Shrek! That’s inappropriate! Put that disgusting thing down, it has germs! We need to hurry and kill Farquad so you can help me get back to Equestria!” Twilight said.

“But Twilight, it has books in it!” Shrek said.

“D-Did you just say books?” Twilight asked. Before Shrek could respond she was already ripping the body’s pants off and searching for a book. She found a pocket bible and immediately began to crush and snort it.

“I-Im calling the police!” one of the relatives yelled.

“It’s time to bounce Donkeh!” then Shrek and Twilight sprinted away.

“YYYYYEAAAAAAAAHHHH”

“NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOO”

“YYYYYEAAAAAAAAHHHH”

“NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOO”

“What’s going on in he-oh?” One of Celestia’s Royal guards slid into the doorway of the royal eatery to see Celestia and Snowflake screaming at each other as Luna sat between them, nodding sagely.
Luna turned around to see the guard and gave him a smile before walking towards him.

“I’m sorry, my sister and one of her colleagues are discussing politics.”

Before the guard could ask for a better explanation Luna slammed the door into the guard’s face, breaking his nose.

“Are we there yet?”

“no.”

“Are we there yet?”

“N-No! Geez, weren’t you the one with the directions to this “Farquad” person’s castle anyway?” Twilight asked.

“Look Donkeh! It’s Farquad’s castle!” Shrek yelled.

As the two of them approached the castle a strange machine was at the entrance, it was labeled “Information Booth”.

“Maybe this will help us get into the castle.” Shrek suggested.

“Information? Like books? I like books!” Twilight said and then pressed the button.

Suddenly the Information Booth opened and started playing “Highway to the Danger Zone.”

“What a catchy tune!” Shrek said while nodding and snapping his fingers.

“Maybe we should hurry up, this place is giving me the spooks, and who knows, maybe there’s a library somewhere around here that I can squat in!” Twilight said.

“Or maybe there’s an onion stand we can raid somewhere around here!” Shrek suggested.

They both started laughing simultaneously, as though they were finally learning that friendship was magic when suddenly they got interrupted by a loud voice.

“Ma castle!” Lord Farquad yelled at them from a balcony while waving his fist toward them.

“I believe it’s time Shrek, have you finally mastered some of the magic I taught you on the way here?” Twilight asked

“Why yes I think I can take a whack at it at this point.” Shrek said as he got in an awkward position. Suddenly all the animals nearby started to stir about and jitter a bit.

“SPIRIT BOOOOMB!” Shrek yelled as he launched the giant ball of light at Lord Farquad. The castle obliterated in an instant and crushed rock and cement flew in all directions.

“Oh god too power-” Twilight got interrupted by a car flying at her.

“And how do you actually expect this to work?” Celestia questioned her sister while she put up a sign on the castle door saying “Help Wanted, 6 mane characters inquire within”

“Because sister, unlike you, I included a 401k plan!”

“Oh, I see.”

All that was left was a destroyed castle and a gravestone saying “here lies Shrek, the ogre”

“..books…” Twilight says sadly as she walks off into the sunlight in search to find another way home.

Author's Note

to be continued?