Your Prince is in Another Castle
By: DarkAura89
“I’ve been looking forward to this interview since I heard this documentary was gonna be a thing.” Sweetie Belle adjusted how she was sitting in her chair while keeping her eyes on the monitor before her. In the other room, Silver Screen, the documentary’s director, was seated opposite of a very familiar face. It was a face she hadn’t seen in almost three years, and just seeing it now dredged up all manner of memories both good and bad.
Button Mash, one of her oldest friends, and her first coltfriend, was the last pony on the list to be interviewed. Despite having been present for interviews with Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, Rarity, Spike, and many other friends and family, this one had her more nervous than any other. While it was true they were still good friends even after their breakup, they hadn’t talked face to face in a while. Although she occasionally found her way back to Ponyville on occasion, she always felt a bit awkward at the thought of seeing the stallion.
That’s not to say they had stopped talking, however. About a year after their breakup, Button had started sending letters while she had replied. It had originally been nice just to catch up with an old friend, but the support he offered in the letters reminded her frequently of times gone by, and they occasionally made her wonder if perhaps it was a mistake they ever broke up at all.
Now here it was, the moment she’d been thinking about since hearing her agent had gotten a documentary about her to be funded by her record label to celebrate her upcoming world tour. This was the interview she’s been waiting for since her breakup all those years ago, that chance she missed to get the closure she needed. Now, finally, she would get the answers she wanted.
“Any particular reason why, if I may ask Sweetie?” The voice broke Sweetie Belle out of her thoughts as she turned to the mare who’d spoken. Her sister, Rarity, had come along for this one so she could be there for support if anything Button said was too much for her sister to handle.
“Well, he never really gave me a reason for the breakup. All he said was that he wasn’t a good pony and that I deserved better,” she looked back at the monitor, noticing the carefree look on Button’s face and recalling some of the warmer memories from when they were dating. “I never really got anything beyond that out of him, even when I put it in a letter he just kind of avoided answering it. I just kinda kept feeling like it was somehow my fault...”
“Sounds like he’s hiding something for sure.” The older mare avoided making eye contact with her sister, and instead focused on the monitor as well. “Whatever it is must be a secret worth keeping.”
“Yeah,” Sweetie adjusted her mane before finally settling in to watch the interview unfold. “I just hope it’s nothing too large…” I don’t know if our friendship could survive if it’s too bad.
“Alright, we’ll start with easy questions and work our way down the list. Most of these are things we’ve asked most of the interviewees, but there are a few Sweetie added in to add a personal touch as well as a few relating to your relationship with her.”
Button nodded as Silver Screen, a light blue stallion with a cutie mark of a canister of film, pulled a clipboard and towards him using a light blue field of telekinesis. If Sweetie added some questions this is definitely gonna be interesting.
“Alright then, let’s get started. First off, would you mind stating your age, name, profession, and how you know Sweetie so that we have it on record.”
“Well, my name’s Button Mash. I’m 25, and I’m currently the owner and manager of the Ponyville Arcade. Sweetie Belle is a long time friend,” Button coughed a bit to clear his throat before continuing in a slightly softer tone, “and my first marefriend.”
“Good. Would you mind elaborating about your job a bit?”
“Sure. I started at the Arcade while I was still in school, right around the age of 16. After graduation, I started working full time there and made manager within a year. When the Arcade’s old owner, Extra Life, retired, he sold the business to me at a bargain so I could keep it running.” He looked away as his focus drifted. “He was a good pony and he lived his dream every day by giving ponies of all ages a place to go to have fun. It’s a privilege to be able to continue that dream of his into the next generation.”
“Quite impressive. Okay then, next up: when did you first meet Sweetie, and what was that meeting like?” Silver Screen shifted in his chair as he adjusted the papers before him while taking notes.
Button laughed a bit before answering, drawing an amused look from Silver Screen. “Well, she was on one of her ‘Crusades’ with Apple Bloom and Scootaloo. They had decided to try to get their cutie marks in engineering, so they’d built themselves a catapult and were flinging anything they could get their hooves on with it. Luckily for me, they had terrible aim.” Button shifted in his chair to a more relaxed position as he started gesturing with his hooves. “Well, I was walking home from the library when a basket landed about two feet in front of me followed by a hail of apples all around me. By the time I’d recovered from the shock, Sweetie and her friends were all around me trying to make sure I was O.K.”
“That’s definitely one crazy way to meet.” Silver Screen laughed as he flipped a page.
“You’re telling me. Even after I got over the shock, it still took a good 10 minutes to convince me that they weren’t trying to attack me. After that I started to hang out with them all more often.” Button hunched forward a bit and dropped his voice lower. Though not quite a whisper, it still took some effort to hear what he was saying. He fidgeted with his hooves nervously as he spoke. “I didn’t really have too many friends, so it was nice to have other ponies I could hang out with and have fun around, though it ended up that Sweetie and I became a bit closer than the rest.” He leaned back again, assuming a more relaxed posture again. “We both loved a good story and enjoyed all types of music, so we often ran into each other at the library or in the music store. Even though she didn’t have her cutie mark at the time, I could tell after hearing her sing for the first time that she was going to have a career in music. If she wasn’t singing, she would have either been writing lyrics, composing melodies, playing an instrument, or some combination of those things.”
“Well, you sort of answered my next question, but I’ll ask it anyway: what was it that drew you to Sweetie?”
“You know, I don’t think it was any one thing that drew me to her. She’s got a great personality. She’s always trying to help others even if it inconveniences herself. She’s got great taste in music and literature and her sense of humor is a bit quirky.” Though he could feel his face getting a bit warm, Button didn’t care. “She’s just such a wonderful pony, it’s hard to imagine anypony not being drawn to her. Not to mention she’s beautiful, but that’s kind of stating the obvious.”
Turning another page, Silver adjusted how he was sitting to a more relaxed posture. “So, when did you realize you had feelings for her then?”
If he’d not been blushing before, Button certainly was now. The memory the question brought up had a goofy grin plastered on his face that even his interviewer found contagious. “It was after a Hearth’s Warming Eve performance she gave about a year before she got her cutie mark. She’d just finished singing her heart out on stage, and I couldn’t help but think how beautiful she was under the lights. As soon as I recovered from hearing the performance, I ran up to her to ask her out.”
“Mmmhmm. So, how long did the relationship last then?”
Button tapped a hoof to his chin in thought. “Well, that was when we were about 14, and I broke up with her right before she turned 19, so about 5 years.” Five, wonderful years…
“Do you have a favorite memory from that time? Something that you think about that sums up your relationship?”
“Yes, but it’s personal. There’s another that’s just as good I could share though.” Button fidgeted around in his seat as he played with his hooves, not quite sure what to do with them. “We’d been dating about a year and a half. It was a nice, warm summer day and we decided a picnic in the park around sunset would be fun. It wasn’t anything special, just sandwiches and some juice, but it was a good time.” As he drifted further into the memory, Button’s eyes gradually lost focus while that same goofy smile just seemed to stay on his face. “Sweetie sang, and we both just enjoyed each other’s company. We watched the sun set and spent some time looking at the night sky. It wasn’t some super romantic dinner that we’d planned months in advance. It was just something you’d do with that special somepony you love any day of the week. That’s what I think summed up our relationship the best. It wasn’t some raging inferno that burned in our hearts, but just a level of comfort we had with each other. We both just sort of got each other.”
It took a minute for Silver to recover from the answer, but when he figured out Button was done, he flipped another page, somewhat surprised to see it was the last one. Knowing that the two remaining questions would be a bit tougher to get answers from, he decided to try to soften the upcoming shock. “We’re almost done. Two more questions, both are things Sweetie wanted answered. I can’t say they’re going to be easy for you to answer, but she’d like to hear the answer none the less. She just wants some closure. Are you ready?”
For Celestia’s sake. She’s gonna ask about the breakup again. That mare just doesn’t want to leave it alone. “Yes. I’ll try to answer them, but I can’t say Sweetie’s going to like the answers.”
“Alright,” Silver moved again, leaning a bit closer to Button as he prepared for whatever the next two questions brought. “Why did your relationship end?”
“Can’t say I didn’t see this coming when you said Sweetie added this question.” A hint of bitterness crept into Button’s voice as he fidgeted in his chair. “Well, if you want the reason I gave her, I just told her that I was bad for her and that she deserved better. If she’s still not satisfied with that, I guess I’ll have to be more specific then.” Button leaned forward and dropped his voice to a whisper as his face became unreadable. “I cheated on her.”
“You… you what?” Silver almost thought he heard Sweetie gasp from the other room as the answer left Button’s mouth.
Button looked away as he continued. “You heard me. I cheated on her. I didn’t want her to find out any other way, so I broke it off with her. She deserved better than me.”
Silver swallowed a lump in his throat as he tried to gather his though, looking down at the page and continuing the interview. “I… I guess one final question then: any regrets about ending the relationship?”
“No.” The word was terse. It fell out of Button’s mouth as easily as every other answer that day, but it was almost more solid than any other he gave.
“Care to elaborate?” Silver prodded, trying to get anything more from the suddenly taciturn brown stallion.
“No. As long as she’s happy, I have no regrets.” Button still refused to look at the camera. “Are we done here?”
“Yes. That’ll be all. Thank you for your answers. I’m sure Sweetie appreciates the honesty.”
“Yeah…” Button looked down at his hooves, turning them over in his vision while refusing to meet anypony’s gaze. “Honesty.”
“I can’t believe he cheated on me! That no good, rotten stallion cheated on me and didn’t have the guts to tell me!” Sweetie Belle slammed her hoof into the table, causing cider to hop out of all the mugs resting on the table, as Apple Bloom and Scootaloo winced at both the volume and the impact. “Then he has the guts to break that kind of news to me while being interviewed for my documentary!”
“Ahm sure he didn’t mean nothin’ by it Sweetie. He just wanted to answer honest for a change. You did ask him after all.” Apple Bloom poured her friend another mug of cider while topping off her own and Scootaloo’s.
“Yeah, I mean, you wanted to know, and now you’ve got your answer. You shouldn’t be mad at him for giving you what you want.” Scootaloo chimed, grabbing her own freshly refilled mug for a drink.
Apple Bloom and Scootaloo had shown up at the Carousel Boutique later in the evening after the interview. One had three decent sized mugs, the other two barrels of Apple Family Special Reserve Cider in a cart. Not caring why they were there or how they knew she needed a good drink, Sweetie brought them both in and quickly got to work on emptying the first barrel.
“What?! Are you taking his side?” Sweetie leaned towards AB, leveling her best angry glare despite the cider working through her system.
“No,” Scootaloo slowly backed Sweetie down into her chair, “we’re not on anypony’s side. You wanted the truth, and you got it. You wanted to know so badly, so stop whining like a spoiled little filly just because it’s not the answer you wanted to hear. The truth’s the truth, and nothing’s gonna change that.” Scootaloo tipped back her mug and downed the rest of its contents while doing her best to avoid the drunken death glare Sweetie was giving her from across the table.
“I don’t think he was telling the whole truth, Sweetie. Seems to me like he was lying about at least some of it.” Rarity slowly entered the room from the kitchen with a glass of wine held delicately in her telekinetic grip, swirling it gently before taking a sip. “I’m surprised you didn’t notice that something seemed off.”
Sweetie Belle turned away from Scootaloo, shifting her focus to her older sister. “I don’t think I heard you right. Did you say Button lied. Again. Even after I asked him for the truth?”
“Well, of course.” Rarity sipped at her wine again, reveling in the liquid’s robust flavor, before continuing, “I mean, really. Is it all that surprising he’d lie? He barely told you anything when you broke up. Every time you asked he just deflected in your letters. Now, you corner him, in front of cameras no less, and he just happens to give you the answer you need to hear. I mean, come on Sweetie. Even you must see that’s a little convenient.”
“What do you mean, needed to hear?” Sweetie scowled at Rarity. “I needed the truth, not another lie.”
“Maybe.” The older mare glanced at the label on the bottle, making a mental note to buy more of the vintage next time she was in Canterlot. “Maybe you just needed to stop questioning if it was your fault. If that’s all he wanted to do, you have to admit that telling you he cheated was pretty effective.”
Sweetie bit her lip in thought, recalling the events of the interview. “But why would he lie about that? I can see lying to cover up cheating, that’s easy. But why would he do that? If it’s not my fault, why won’t he just tell me why he broke up with me? Why?” She shook her head while she rubbed a hoof against her temple. “That doesn’t make any sense!”
Rarity cracked a sly grin as she tapped a hoof to her chin in mock thought. “Hmmm… I wonder why a pony you loved would lie to you about why he broke up with you. Very interesting.”
“You don’t think… you don’t think I was the reason we broke up, do you?” Sweetie’s face contorted in worry as she broke out into a cold sweat.
“I didn’t say that, dear. Just that it’s very interesting. You’d have to ask the stallion himself to find out why.” The mischievous twinkle in Rarity’s eyes was lost to Sweetie as her mind raced with thoughts.
After a moments hesitation, Sweetie Belle got up and started walking towards the door. “I’m going for a walk in the park. I’ll be back later.”
Rarity waved a hoof at her younger sister as she left. “Have a good walk dear. Don’t stay out too late.”
As the resounding thud from the door to the Carousel Boutique was heard in the living room, Apple Bloom turned to Rarity, an amused look in her eyes. “Ya know he’s gonna be all kinds of pissed at you when he figures out you did this. He might be pretty dense sometimes, but it ain’t gonna take him more than a minute to figure out ya blabbed about somethin’.”
Rarity took a sip of her wine, smile not leaving her face. “Good. Let ‘em be. He needed a push in the right direction. I don’t care if he thought it was for the best, or even that he’s lied for this long. They’re both miserable and I’m sick of seeing them moping over the past.” An amused chuckle left her lips. “You’re right about one thing though: he can be rather dense.”
Scootaloo, having finished off another mug of cider, found the courage to speak up. “Isn’t that a little mean or sneaky or something? I mean, you’re the bucking Element of Honesty’s sister AB. Doesn’t this come off a bit dishonest to you?”
“Nah. Rare’s right. They’ve both been a might miserable the last few years. They needed this.” AB cracked open the second barrel of cider as she saw Scootaloo’s jaw drop.
Rarity chuckled lightly as she turned to go pour herself a second glass. “Apple Bloom has a point. This piece of the past has been like a nasty wound that wouldn’t heal for either of them. They just need to address it and move on. I’m not quite sure where that’ll take them, but it’s sure to be a hell of a lot better than drowning in sorrows from the past.”
Why would he lie? Was I not good enough? Was I boring? Did I upset him? Did I not spend enough time with him?
Sweetie Belle ran towards Button’s house, mind racing almost as fast as her hooves were carrying her.
I just need to know why. Did those years mean nothing? Did he ever love me?
The door to the house was in sight. She could feel her heart pounding in part from the running and in part from her emotions running wild.
I just need to understand why. I need to understand where it all went so wrong.
As she reached the door, Sweetie pounded furiously on it, screaming Button’s name at the top of her lungs, paying no mind to the fact that it was late at night and almost all of Ponyville was sleeping. All she wanted was the truth, and she was determined to get it.
The sudden sound of a hoof banging on wood shook Button from his thoughts. He had locked himself in his room again for the night after taking his usual walk through the park before bed. Despite being nearly two in the morning, he still wasn’t asleep.
When the pounding didn’t cease, he started making his way towards the door only to begin to notice somepony screaming his name on the other side. Somepony who sounded a lot like Sweetie Belle.
Just what I needed tonight. Another visit from Sweetie.
Button opened the door while Sweetie was in the middle of winding up for another hit, surprising the mare with his sour and tired expression. “How can I help you at this lovely hour Sweetie? I’m sure it must be important with you screaming my name loud enough for the whole neighborhood to hear.” The sarcasm rolling off his words was thick, but Sweetie was in no condition to notice.
“Damn straight it’s important you lying bastard!”
Great. She’s drunk and Rarity probably pointed out I was lying. This is going to be a wonderful conversation. “Oh? And what makes you think I was lying? You wanted the truth, so why wouldn’t I give it to you?” The expression on his face was somewhere between exasperated and agitated as he replied. All around he could see various ponies peeking their heads out of windows and doors, then going back to sleep as they simply wrote the conversation off as the ravings of a drunken mare.
“C’mon,” Sweetie replied, “I’m not stupid. Why tell me you cheated on me without me having to pry it out. On film too! If you’d really cheated, I don’t think it would have been so easy. If you’d really cheated, I’d have had to pry it out of you in private.” She took a step forward, putting a hoof on his cheek gently. “I want the truth Button.” She forced herself to look into his eyes while forcing him to look back. “I can’t take dealing with the doubt anymore. Everytime you lie, I just can’t help but feel that you’re lying to avoid telling me that I was the problem. I can’t help but think that I did something wrong, that I was-”
Button shoved a hoof into Sweetie’s mouth to stop her rambling. “How many times do I have to tell you it’s not you? Seriously! I tried telling you how many times in the letters and after we broke up that I was bad for you, but you still weren’t satisfied.” He removed the hoof, but the glare he gave her said he wasn’t done yet. “So, I decided to lie about cheating on you so you would stop doubting yourself and finally blame me as the reason for the breakup.” A scowl crossed his face as he continued, stamping a hoof into the floor beneath him for emphasis. “Then your nosey sister had to go and open her big mouth and ruin it. I’m guessing you were buying it up and bashing me with AB and Scoots, all while drinking the pain away, until she said something.”
Button met a death glare form Sweetie as he looked up to meet her face again. “I never said anything about Rarity.”
“I know you didn’t.” He met her glare with one of his own, equally laced with anger. “There’s only two ponies that could have pointed out I was lying, both of which were probably there. One is AB, but since she’s AJ’s sister, I doubt she would have betrayed my trust like that. The other is your lovely sister.” The venom with which he spoke the word caused Sweetie fo flinch. “She just loves to poke her nose into business that she has no right to be in.”
“Fine. Yes, I believed your lies until Rarity pointed them out, and yes, I was drinking with AB and Scoots, but that doesn’t excuse you from telling them. Why would you lie about the reason if it wasn’t me? What could possibly be so bad you’d continually lie about it if it’s not me? I want the truth Button, and I’m not leaving until I get it.” To emphasize her point, Sweetie stomped her hooves into the ground and dug them in.
Stubborn mare. I give her so many chances to just take a clean break and she just keeps coming back for more. The silence between the two ponies was almost deafening. Not even a cricket dared to break the standoff.
When Button did speak, it was only a whisper, but it held enough force to get Sweetie’s attention. “You want the truth?” He laughed quietly to himself, refusing to look at Sweetie as a shaky smile spread across his lips. The laugh held no mirth, and had a twisted quality about it that sent a shiver down Sweetie’s spine. “That’s funny. I tell you a lie that puts all the blame on me and you don’t buy it, then continue to doubt it for years. I tell you a lie that makes me a dirty, rotten, cheating bastard and you go home and drink yourself into a stupor, then come marching back here when you find out I’m lying again to demand the truth.”
“I don’t see what’s so funny about that…” Sweetie slowly took a step backwards, partially raising a hoof in a protective manner.
Button took a few steps forward until his mouth was right next to Sweetie’s ear. “I’ll tell you what’s so funny. You can’t take the truth. Hell, I can’t even take it some days. If you go and get yourself drunk just because you think I’m a cheating bastard, I don’t even want to think what you’d do if I told you the truth.”
Sweetie swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat. “I don’t care anymore. I want to know. I need to know. I can’t go on thinking it’s my fault and blaming myself if it’s not. If it’s my fault, then fine. Tell me. Please,” Button could feel the tears fall off her face as she rested her head on his neck, “please just tell me though. I’m sick of feeling so confused about this. It hurts, Button. It just hurts so much.”
Well… damn.
If Button had any resistance left, it crumbled when that first tear hit the back of his neck. “Fine. If you want the truth so bad, I’ll tell you what you want to know-”
The sudden force of the hug Sweetie gave him stopped Button mid sentence. “Thank you! You have no idea how-”
Again, Button was forced to quiet Sweetie with a hoof. “As I was saying, I’ll tell you what you want to know, but in the morning. In the park around noon. As for where, bring Apple Bloom and Rarity along, they’ll know where to find me and should be useful in convincing you I’m telling the truth.” He removed his hoof slowly as he met Sweetie’s eyes. “I know you’re not going to like what I have to say, and it’s not going to be easy for me to say either, but I’m tired of you blaming yourself for something that isn’t your fault. That was never my intent.”
The sad, defeated look in his eyes almost made Sweetie reconsider her demand, but in the end her need to know outweighed any reservations she had about dragging the poor stallions emotions through the wringer. “Thank you Button,” Sweetie backed up, turning as she made to leave, “I’ll be sure to be there.”
“Perfect.” A few tears he couldn’t hold in fell from his face and landed on the dirt outside his house, missed by Sweetie as she continued on her way.
After Sweetie had gotten out of sight, Button retreated back into his room, closing and locking the door behind him. It took a minute, but as expected his mother’s voice soon drifted through the door.
“Are you alright, Button, Sweetie?” Her voice was a calm, reassuring tone: soft and brimming with concern. “Do you wanna talk about it?”
Doing his best to keep his emotions in check for just a little bit longer, Button forced out a reply through a voice he hoped didn’t sound nearly as shaky to his mother as it did to him. “No. No... I’m fine mom. I’ll be fine. I’m sorry she woke you. Just… just go back to bed, mom. It’ll all be okay. I’m fine.”
“Button…”
“It’s fine. I’m fine.” Button choked out, loosing a bit of composure as silent tears started to form in his eyes.
“...” he could hear his mom inhale on the other side of the door as if she wanted to say something, but heard her sigh a moment later. “All right then. Good night, Button.”
“Night mom.” A small trail of wetness streaked down his muzzle, his voice little more than a whisper.
Button listened intently as his mother’s hootsteps softly faded into the distance as she made her way back to her bedroom. When he was sure she was long out of range, he slowly worked his way back to his bed and layed down on it, giving into the fatigue of the recent conversation. It only took but a moment for him to give into the sadness that had threatened so many times to just burst forth. He soon felt the rivulets of tears streaming down his face as his body tremored from the silent sobs that wracked his body. Despite the pain he felt, not a sound left Button’s mouth as he silently wept in the middle of the night. This was not new for him. No, for Button, this was a familiar old friend.
He knew this place; he’d been here before. He’d lost count how many times over the last six years he’d woken up in the middle of the night, crying. It was always the same. Go to sleep feeling just fine, wake up at a random hour of the night crying, cry for a while thinking about her, fall back asleep from exhaustion. But for each time he’d woken up crying, he’d fallen asleep crying that night twice as many times. He always told himself this was his choice, his burden to bear. He told himself it was for the best, that it had to be done. Now, despite his best efforts, six years of working to keep his secret were coming undone, and that knowledge almost brought him crashing back down to a place he hadn’t been in a long time. He had been there before, but had no desire to ever return.
I hope she’s strong enough to hear what I have to say… and that I’m strong enough to say it. Button wiped a few tears from his eyes as he curled up tightly. I’m not sure I’ll be able to live with myself if I make her cry.
It was a little after noon the following day when Sweetie Belle showed up with Rarity and Apple Bloom in tow. True to his word, Button was exactly where both AB and Rarity had expected him to be. As they got closer, he stood up from where he was sitting and waved the three mares over.
“Well, I see you found me.”
“Yeah,” Sweetie replied, “I still don’t quite why you want these two here to prove you’re telling the truth. You could just tell me, then I could ask them later if you were lying. I’m guessing they already know what you’re going to say, and that it’s pretty personal, so I don’t quite get why you want them here.” She frowned at him while he continued to avert his gaze.
“Well… yeah. They both kind of know most of what I’m going to tell you, but there’s probably still a few things they’d like clarification on as well.” He held a hoof up to forestall any protests from Sweetie. “Before you even say it, I made them both Pinkie Promise not to tell you anything. So, don’t blame them, it’s because of me they didn’t say anything. Also, some of the things I’m going to say are going to be hard for me to tell you, so having them here for support is gonna help keep this moving.”
“Alright then, but how did they find out before me? I thought you would have wanted me to know why we broke up. And what do you mean ‘hard for you’? It can’t be that bad.”
Button sighed as he met Sweetie’s eyes for the first time, “To be fair, I didn’t exactly spill my guts to Rarity, she had to pry it out of me. AB on the other hoof, caught me at some of the lowest moments in my life. As for the support thing, yeah, it’s pretty bad.
“Huh? What do you mean sis cornered you and that AB caught you at your lowest?” Sweetie looked between the two mares to either side of her.
Button looked over to Rarity and smiled gently at her. “After we broke up, you took it pretty badly, so Rarity took it upon herself to corner me one day after work and grill me. Everything from if I’d cheated to if I had a thing for stallions. I told her that if she Pinkie Promised not to tell you, I’d tell her what she wanted to know. She understood my reasoning and did a good job keeping my secret,” his face contorted into a scowl as he spoke the next part, “but apparently she wasn’t entirely happy with my choice so she still decided to point out I was lying yesterday. I can’t say I’m happy about that, but she didn’t break a promise and I suppose she was just doing what she thought was right.” He sighed as his face sunk into more of a neutral expression. “But what’s done is done. I’m not going to hold it against you Rarity, but I’m not happy.”
He shifted his gaze over to Apple Bloom next, taking on a more somber expression. “Apple Bloom, on the other hoof, was walking through the park one late night. She happened to find me and managed to work out why I was there after a few questions and some good intuition.” Button smiled gently as he continued, “I’ll explain more later, but I owe her my life a few times over.”
The ponies sat in silence for a moment before Sweetie cut in again. “So… I guess I should start by asking what exactly you lied about yesterday?”
“Sure. First off you already know I lied about the cheating. There was one other lie I told though. I do have regrets about ending the relationship. I regret that you felt it was your fault even though I tried to make it clear it wasn’t. I regret that I hurt you so deeply. But…” Button stopped mid sentence, looking down at the ground and clamming up.
Apple Bloom walked over to him, wrapping a leg around him and giving him a little squeeze. “It’s all right, hon. Let it out. You’ll feel better for it. Ah promise.”
Button looked up to meet AB’s orange eyes. Taking a deep breath, he steeled his nerves, focusing on the ground at Sweetie’s hooves as he spoke. “But, the thing I regret the most is that it ever had to end.”
Sweetie eyed Button with a curious gaze. “What do you mean, ‘had to end’? Why did it have to end? If we were both so happy, why would you break up with me?”
Button felt AB give him another little reassuring squeeze as he looked up to meet Sweetie’s jade green eyes. “Because I’m not good for you.” He noticed Rarity hold her hoof up before Sweetie could even speak, nodding thankfully to the older mare before continuing. “It’s going to be hard for me to get this out Sweetie, so please… don’t stop me until I’m done.” Button sat down, gesturing for the other three to do the same.
Once everypony was comfortable, he continued. “When I first met you, you were one of the few ponies who didn’t see me as some goofy little colt who was weird. You looked past a lot of the things on the surface and saw me for me, and for that I’m grateful. You were my first real friend, along with AB and Scootaloo, but you more so than either of them. We had a lot of common interests, and it was nice to have somepony to share them with for a change.”
Button glanced at each of the mares present before settling back to Sweetie. “Then, I heard you sing one day. You still didn’t have your cutie mark, but I knew as soon as I heard those first few notes what your special talent would be. I think that was probably when I developed a crush on you. At first, I didn’t want to admit it, but it just kept pestering me from the back of my mind. About a month later you sang at a Hearth’s Warming Eve performance. The whole time, I couldn’t take my eyes off you. Your voice was so amazing and you looked so beautiful under the lights. I couldn’t look away. To me, you were the only one there.” Button blushed at the confession, noticing a slight crimson tint on Sweetie’s face as well. “After you got off stage, it took me a minute to recover, but at that moment I decided that I was going to ask you out. I didn’t care if you turned me down. If you had, I’d have probably tried again a week later. All I knew is that I just wanted to get to know you as more than a friend, and that I just wanted to be near you.”
Button lay down, resting his head between his hooves as he trained his focus straight ahead all while trying to contain the building tempest of emotions raging in his heart for as long as possible. “When you said yes, I was the happiest colt in all of Equestria. Over the next five years, there wasn’t a day I didn’t try to make you happy to thank you for saying yes. Every day we spent together was a priceless and cherished treasure to me, and no matter how long I live, I will never forget a single moment we spent together.
“Then, about a year before your 19th birthday, you started sending out demo tapes to recording agencies. I knew it was only a matter of time before one heard it and said they wanted you on their label.” Button looked up and met Sweetie’s gaze again. “Do you remember when I asked you what you would do if one asked you to move to Canterlot or Manehatten on a more permanent basis?”
Sweetie nodded. “Yeah. I told you I’d tell them I was staying in Ponyville and if they wanted me, they’d have to work around that.”
Button nodded again, swallowing as Apple Bloom squeezed him tightly for support again, knowing exactly what was coming next. “That was the moment I knew I had to end the relationship. I was bad for you. It wasn’t that you weren’t good enough. It wasn’t that I cheated on you. It was that I was holding you back. If you turned down a record deal just to stay in Ponyville with me, I don’t think I could have bared to look at myself in the mirror. I loved you then, and I still do now. Even right now, as I look at you, my heart still skips a beat, but I couldn’t live with myself knowing I held you back from your potential.” Button could feel the first tears begin to stream down his face. “I knew then, that even if you hated me, even if you never wanted to see me again, even if you spent every single day telling everyone I was the bastard who broke your heart, that I had to do what was best for you and end the relationship.”
Sweetie sat in stunned silence as she shifted her gaze between the two other ponies present looking, pleading, begging for some sign that what Button said wasn’t true. “He’s lying, right? He’s got to be lying. Rarity? AB? Tell me he’s lying…” When neither pony spoke up, she fixed her gaze on Button, tears falling from her eyes as her voice seethed in anger. “Why would you do that? Why?” She slammed a hoof into the ground, punctuating all her questions with a resounding thud. “I was happy with you. I didn’t care about some stupid recording deal. All I wanted was to be with you. You! I loved you Button. We would have found a way to make due. We could have been happy together! Why?”
“If I may, dear?” Rarity cut in, looking at Button for permission to say something, who only nodded thankfully in return as tears still ran down his muzzle, unable to speak from the quiet sobs wracking his body. “He felt that he was being selfish Sweetie. He knew you would probably end up singing in a bar here in Ponyville, and he knew you were better than that.”
“But I wouldn’t have cared! All I wanted was to be with him!”
“Let me ask you a question then, Sweetie. He asked me this same one when I went to talk with him. What would you do if you ran into a little filly or colt who didn’t have a cutie mark and was sad about it? What if they were bullied and picked on just like you were? What would you do?”
“What’s that got to do with anything?!”
“Please, just answer the question Sweetie.”
Sweetie thought for a moment before responding, “I’d probably tell them that I didn’t get my cutie mark for a while either and that I was picked on and bullied as well. Then, I’d probably tell them that there are others out there like them having the same issues, and that one day they’d eventually find their special talent. That until that day comes, to remember that they’re special, no matter what anypony else says.”
“Exactly. That was exactly what he said you’d say when I told him I didn’t know. You want to know what he told me after he asked me that? He said-”
“But that’s just one filly or colt. A single pony who feels alone that we could’ve ran into.” Sweetie jumped at the sound of Button’s shaky voice, looking over at the still crying stallion wiping his eyes, trying in vain to clear them. “There are thousands of other little fillies and colts out there who feel that way and have no one to tell them that it’s okay to be a blank flank. No role model to tell them that they’re special and remind them that it’s who they are as a pony that matters. Nopony to look up to and motivate them to keep looking until that day they find their special talent.”
He forced his head up, his red, puffy, bloodshot eyes looking right into Sweetie’s, “I knew if you got famous that you would be that pony for them, and you have been. For six years you’ve made thousands of young fillies and colts feel good about who they are while reminding them that they’re all special. If you would have stayed in Ponyville, that never would have happened.” He let his head sink back down to rest on his hooves as his eyes lost focus again. “If you would’ve stayed, every day you were here, and every time I saw a little filly crying because she didn’t have her cutie mark, I would have known that you could have been out there, inspiring fillies and colts just like her to be proud of themselves and to stay positive. That would have killed me. Knowing that I was keeping you here, and that I was the reason all of those little fillies and colts didn’t have that pony in their life telling them that they were special when nopony else seemed to care. Can you understand that? Even with you by my side, that would have ate at me until I was nothing more than the shell of the pony you fell in love with. Nothing but a dead husk of a pony so ashamed of his own selfishness that he was basically dead on the inside.”
Lowering his head back down between his legs, and flattening his ears back, Button continued. “So, knowing that I’d break your heart, that you’d cry, and that you very well may hate me for the rest of your life, I broke up with you. I told myself that it was for the best, that letting you go would make the lives of so many ponies so much better, and it has. If I have one regret, it’s that I had to hurt you for this to happen.”
Again, silence pervaded amongst the group as Button’s confession sunk in. This time, it was broken by the crisp sound of Sweetie’s hoof connecting with Button’s cheek. “I still don’t care! I loved you! Do you know how much it hurt to have my heart broken by the one pony who I never expected to break it?” Sweetie was screaming, anger filling her voice. “I would have been there for you to talk about your worries and your fears. We could have worked through it. I don’t think you get how much it hurt me.”
“If Ah may,” Apple Bloom cut in, “didja get over it? Do ya still think about him sometimes?”
“Well, sometimes, yeah,” Sweetie replied, a twinge of bitterness still in her voice, “He was my first coltfriend. Of course I think about him from time to time.”
“AB, no. She doesn’t need to hear about that… Please… no...” Button choked out in a raspy whisper under the tears, but the pleading tone in his voice wasn’t lost to the yellow mare.
“Sorry hon, but she needs to hear this too, and as you sure ain’t gonna tell her, Ah’m gonna have to tell her.”
“Tell me what?”
“Guess the short way of sayin’ it is why Ah know about this place. Ya see, after you left, Button was more than just a might upset. In fact he-”
“Stop. Please… stop.” Button cut in. “I’ll… I’ll tell her. She probably already hates me enough and thinks I’m pathetic, so what’s a bit more information gonna hurt.” Button sniffled as he rested his head back on his legs again. While he wasn’t crying anymore, his eyes were still puffy and red.
“Yeah, so anyway, I was a mess after we broke up. I know my mom told you that I had taken a trip to Canterlot when you showed up a few days after we broke up, but that was a lie. I hadn’t left the house since the day I broke up with you. I called into work sick and just sat in my room and cried. Just knowing that I hurt you put me pretty close to rock bottom.” He paused a bit, looking up towards Sweetie, noting the shocked expression on her face. “The only thing that kept me going was knowing that you were going to make so many ponies happy. About two weeks later, you got a letter for a record deal in Canterlot and left to start your new life. Meanwhile, I was making due in mine. It wasn’t so bad at first. Work kept me busy and kept my mind off you, but every night my mind would wander back to you and I’d end up crying myself to sleep.”
He looked over to Rarity, managing a small smile. “It was about a month after you left that Rarity showed up after my shift one day. She said she wanted to talk, I guessed it was about you and told her no. She promptly stalked me for the next week until I agreed to answer her questions. She was so concerned about you, so I get where she was coming from. So, I told her everything, even how I usually ended up crying myself to sleep over you, then made her promise not to tell you.”
He shifted to look at Apple Bloom, a smile still on his face as he felt her give him another squeeze for support. “After that talk, I started walking in the park after work at night to avoid going home to be alone with my thoughts. It helped sometimes, but other times I’d just break down and cry in the middle of a walk, so I found this place to just come and be alone. One night, AB heard my crying and found her way over to me. Didn’t take long with my mind as broken as it was at the time to just spill everything to her. Just like with Rarity, I made her promise not to say anything.”
Swallowing, Button buried his head under his hooves, flattening his ears as low as they could go before continuing. “I’m… I’m really, really not proud of this next part…”
“Of all the things you’ve said so far, this is what you’re not proud of?” Sweetie Belle chuckled at the thought. “Not dumping me and breaking my heart? Not lying to me for six years? How bad could it be? I mean, come on. It can’t be that bad.”
“I tried to kill myself. Actually, I tried a few times.”
Sweetie’s jaw nearly hit the ground as she locked her gaze on Button. “WHAT!”
He sighed, as he felt Sweetie’s gaze trying to burrow through his hooves. “That first winter after we broke up was hard on me, especially around Hearth’s Warming Eve. I’d see all the ponies spending time with the ones they loved, and I’d see Rarity around town occasionally. It all just reminded me of you. One night, it just got to be too much., so I went to the park, came right here, and just layed down.” The tears started falling again as Button continued talking, all while Apple Bloom squeezed him tighter in a hug. “I don’t know how long I was out here, but after a while, I just sort of blacked out. When I woke up, I was on a bed in a room I didn’t recognize, wrapped up under the covers under a few layers of blankets with a warm towel on my forehead. Shortly after that, AB spoke up from the corner of the room and said she’d found me lying in the snow. She asked me what I was doing out there. I tried lying, but she just saw right through that. She kept me there for the night and just talked to me about how if I would have died, there would have been so many ponies like her and Scootaloo that would have missed me. I just kind of shrugged it off and left in the morning while she was still sleeping.”
Button shuddered a bit at the memory as Rarity move over to his other side. “Then, about a week later, you came home to visit with your family. Seeing you again… I just couldn’t take it. I did the same thing again, and just like before I woke up in AB’s room. I tried about two more times that week before I finally woke up with more than just AB in the room. That last time, AB, Scootaloo, Rarity, and my mom were all there. They all told me that they cared for me and wanted me to stop this, that I was hurting them. They asked what they could do to help me, but I just told them I didn’t need any help. When I tried to sneak out the next morning, Scoots was blocking the door. For the rest of the week, Scoots and AB kept me company and talked to me. They took shifts so one could always be around you, and when they both had to leave, Rarity or my mom took over.”
Button tried harder to bury his face below his hooves. “I just didn’t realize how many ponies cared about me enough to spend their time making sure I was okay. I was so self-absorbed about losing you that I forgot about everyone else. After that, it got better. I haven’t tried anything like that since, but it would be a lie to say I’m in a good place. I still take my walks in the park, though when I cry now, I make sure to keep it quiet, same for when I’m at home. I still go to sleep crying some nights, and even waking up in the middle of the night crying others. Hell, when I got the letter saying you were coming to do interviews, I took the week before you arrived off. I… I just…”
“He wasn’t looking so good, is what he’s trying to say, Sweetie.” Rarity filled in, noting Button’s thankful smile. “He showed up to my shop the weekend before that and asked for a suit. When I tried to measure him, he was far thinner than he was when you broke up. I noticed bags under his eyes, and his mane and tail were a mess. I told him he needed to take a week off and focus on getting himself well so when you saw him he wouldn’t be a complete mess. I’d say he did that pretty well.”
“So, you’re telling me that he took a week off just to put on some weight and try to get some rest, just so I wouldn’t be worried about him?” The tone of Sweetie’s voice had softened considerably since Button had started talking. Any harshness she initially had vanished when she heard what Button had almost done.
“You betcha.” Apple Bloom suddenly chimed in. “He said himself that if you’d have seen him like that there’d have been no way to hide what was going on, so he wanted to look good so you wouldn’t worry.”
“So,” Button let out a pathetic chuckle, muffled by both his hooves and his tears, “there you have it. The truth you wanted to hear so badly. The truth is that I’m a pathetic stallion who never stopped loving you, even after he dumped you. I’m a stupid stallion who thought he was strong enough to bear the burden of the choice he made and was wrong. A foolish pony who didn’t even realize how many ponies cared about him enough to make sure he didn’t hurt himself. I’m a worthless pony who can’t even hold himself together enough to not break down at least twice a day. So, you see, I’m bad for you. It was never you, it was always me.”
A muffled and choked sob could be heard softly coming from Button. “You’re perfect, and why you ever said yes to me in the first place I’ll never know, but you’re better off without me. So please,” he moved his hooves and looked up towards Sweetie, tears streaming down from his eyes as he met hers, “just move on with your life and leave me be. I don’t deserve you. I’m nothing but a hollow, dead shell of the pony you used to love. A shadow of myself. You can do so much better than a horrible pony like me.”
With his peace spoken, Button buried his head again, waiting on the inevitable sound of hoofsteps to let him know the three mares were leaving. It took a bit, but he slowly heard Sweetie get up from where she had been lying down and start moving. He was somewhat surprised as he heard the hoofsteps getting louder, then suddenly stop right in front of him. He heard what sounded like a pony laying back down, followed by the sensation of two hooves lying on his own.
“No.”
A simple word, spoken with a warmth and affection behind it that Button hadn’t heard in in a long time. It wasn’t spoken with any anger, nor hatred, nor resentment, just a sense of love that reached deep into his heart and reminded him of days long past. “What do you mean, ‘no’?”
“I mean,” Sweetie grabbed Button’s hooves, moving them out of the way so she could stare into his golden brown eyes, “No, you’re not bad for me. No, you’re not pathetic, stupid, foolish, or worthless. No, I’m not better off without you, and,” she moved a hoof to force his face up so he was staring at her, “I’m not leaving.”
“But… why?” Button shook as he continued to cry and emotional fatigue began to set in.
“Because I don’t care about any of that. I don’t care if you think you’re not the pony I fell in love with anymore because I know you still are.” She moved in closer, not breaking her stare, “I spent so long just thinking that this was my fault. There were nights I just stayed up thinking about what I might have done wrong. Then, I’d get angry that you left me and for a while I hated you. But,” she moved in even closer, her face almost touching his, “I hadn’t even thought about you. Even when I talked to Rarity or AB, I never asked about how you were doing. I just assumed you were fine. Hearing what you had to deal with though… I can’t believe I was so selfish. Even when I got your letters, you seemed like you were happy. Hearing that you almost killed yourself… I’m not worth that. Nopony’s worth that. Now though,” she moved closer still until she was right next to his ear, “I just want to say I’m sorry. I can’t even imagine how hard this was for you.” She could feel him shaking from the emotional strain as she continued, “Yet, I felt the need to drag this out into the light. I can’t even find the words to begin to convey how sorry I am about that. But maybe,” Sweetie leaned in further and kissed Button on the forehead, eliciting a surprised gasp from the surprised stallion, “that will be a good start.”
“Sweetie… I… I don’t…” Button stammered as he felt heat rising in his cheeks.
“I know you want to blame yourself, but I’m not going to let you. The fact that I didn’t even notice my best friend was so depressed he tried to kill himself is something I’m going to have to live with. If you’d have died, I don’t think I could have forgiven myself for not noticing you were that depressed.” She leaned in close again, dropping her voice to a whisper, “I’ve missed you. I’m so sorry I haven’t spent time with you, and that I’ve caused you so much pain. I’m really not worth that much trouble.”
“You… you are worth it to me.” Button stared deep into Sweetie’s green eyes as he just forgot about the world around him. For the first time in six years, he felt happy. There wasn’t the pain from knowing he’d hurt the pony he cared most for. There wasn’t the feelings of worthlessness from his inability to deal with his choice. There was only that wonderful feeling he remembered from when they were dating. He just wanted the moment to last forever. Sadly however, that moment was broken by the sound of giggling behind his back.
“I told you they were meant for each other, Apple Bloom, dear. There was no way Sweetie would let such a heartfelt confession slip by so easily.” Rarity raised a hoof to cover her smile as she looked over towards Apple Bloom.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. You told me alright. Never would've guessed she’d have kissed him though.”
“Come, Apple Bloom. Let’s give them some time alone. I’m sure they don’t want us ruining their moment any more than we already have.”
As the two other mares turned to leave, Rarity turned to Button once more. “You’re welcome, dear.”
“For what?” Button tilted his head at the mare.
“Why, for giving you the push you needed darling. You’ve been oh so miserable since you two broke up and I just couldn’t stand seeing you beat yourself up anymore, so I just gave Sweetie the nudge she needed to get you to talk to her about your problems.”
“I… I don’t…”
“It’s alright Button,” Rarity turned as she started walking, “seeing you both happy again is thanks enough.” And with that, the two other mares were gone.
Silence pervaded for a moment before Sweetie cleared her throat, grabbing Button’s attention. “Sooooo…..”
“Yeah….”
“Where do we go from here? I feel like we’ve got so much more to discuss.”
“I… um,” Button sniffled and rubbed the back of his head with a hoof sheepishly, “I don’t know. I kind of expected you to do a lot of yelling and screaming, followed by you running away with the other two right behind you leaving me here alone…”
“That’s… rather elaborate…”
“Yeah…” Button chuckled weakly while blushing, “I guess that’s not happening though?”
Sweetie giggled, “Not a chance. I’m sticking around for a while to catch up with you. I miss you, and I don’t ever intend to feel like that again. You’ve beat yourself up for far too long, so I’m gonna make sure you’ve stopped all that before I leave again.”
“Sweetie…”
“Ah, ah , ah! I don’t want to hear any of that. You're a friend, and I want to do it. I don’t care about some stupid documentary or some concert tour. You’re more important than either of those, and so help me Celestia if you try pushing me away again because you think you’re ‘holding me back’ I will cling to you and cry the whole time until you stop talking so foolishly. Got it?” Sweetie stood up and held out her hoof to Button.
I… I can’t believe she doesn’t hate me. I knew she was- A swift smack across the cheek snapped Button out of his inner monologue. “Ouch! What was that for?!”
“I know that face by now. That’s the ‘she’s too good for me’ face. I don’t want to hear any of that either. No more moping around.” She tapped a hoof to her chin for a moment, thinking. “I tell you what, if you get up here and buy me a shake at Sugarcube Corner, I’ll tell you why I said yes when you asked me out. Sound fair?”
Button stared at the hoof that was extended towards him, and he smiled as he reached out to grab it. “It’s a deal.” As he got to his hooves, Sweetie moved along side him, resting her head on his neck as they walked back to town.
“This is nice,” Sweetie remarked as they strolled through the park. “I really missed hanging out with you. Well, a deal’s a deal.” She moved forward, putting her mouth close to his ear and speaking in a hushed whisper, “I said yes because I thought you were perfect. I’d had a crush on you for about a month before that and I was hoping you’d ask me out at some point. Want to hear another secret?” Sweetie giggled playfully as she noticed a hot red crimson tinting Button’s face.
“S-s-sure.” He stammered while trying to remain calm.
“I still think you’re perfect, and nothing you could ever do will change that.” Sweetie leaned in against Button as they continued walking back to town, doing her best to hide her own blush.
“I… I don’t…” Button tried to form a thought, but after sputtering incoherently, he took a breath and focused. “Thank you.”
“Well, it’s true you know.”
“Not for that. For still being my friend.”
“No matter what you would have told me, that wouldn’t have changed.”
“Still,” Button stopped, turning his head towards Sweetie, “it means a lot to me. When I sent that first letter to you, my biggest fear was that you wouldn’t send one back. I felt the same way today. My biggest fear was losing you as a friend. So again, thank you.” He leaned forward and kissed Sweetie gently on her forehead.
Both ponies blushed as they resumed their walk back to town, Sweetie leaning against Button the whole way. The rest of the walk was quiet, but no words needed to be said. The two ponies knew that anything that needed to be said could wait, so they simply enjoyed something they hadn’t for six years: the company of their best friend.
Author's Note
This one was the product of an idea I'd had during a three hour drive. Since it just refused to leave my mind, I decided to write it up. Never expected it to end up being a 10,000+ word long fic.
