Uncivil Diplomacy

by Okhlahoma Beat-Down

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Cadance, Comedy, Other, Romance, Random, Shining Armor, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 5747

Celestia, Luna and Cadence are having an argument. This somehow requires one member of each of their respective guards to relay messages, guard them, and act as diplomats. Unfortunately, none of the guards are on the politics end of the spectrum...

Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, and Princess Cadence end up in an argument.
Evidently, they clearly require the assistance of the finest in their respective guard regiments to act as their private bodyguards, couriers, and other such jobs that would be easily done by someone else.
Is there a bigger reason behind it?

Published 2013-12-10 23:10:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-10 21:56:12 UTC

"This is not a tea party, my little pony! This is inter-monarchy war!"

The two door guards stationed outside the 'luncheon' hall were sweltering in the devastating heat. Though Princess Celestia had control of the movement of the sun, she had no say in the temperature. Thus, during summer, she was still forced to adhere to the strict timing guidelines set in place by her forefathers, and that meant that the absolutely incinerating heat of the sun would still stay in the sky for about 17 hours. Even Celestia herself had issued an order to all guards, stating that for days in summer in which the temperature exceeded 50°, no guard would have to wear armour or stand at attention all day: though a minor relief, both Corporal Sharp Eyes and Corporal Shining Armor were still roasting to the brink of fainting.

Even referring to each other by their regimental names was difficult in the heat, simply 'Shining' and 'Sharp' would do for the communication required. Sharp, a red stallion with a short brown mane and compound bow for a cutie mark, sat on a nearby statue mount, spear clutched in his hoof as a pole to give his hooves a resting point. Next to him sat his sunglasses he had won from Shining in a bet; a very nice pair of aviator shades usually worn by aerial teams when they were above the clouds. The beauty came as Shining continued his explanation of how they were able to rapidly adjust to an enviroment's lighting, causing Sharp to smirk even more at his new prize.

"Those things cost over 400 bits." Shining whistled, leaning against a nearby wall. "You take care of them, or I'll take care of getting the funeral director some work." The white stallion's blue mane was matted with sweat, occasionally one droplet hitting the floor. Sharp raised his hooves defensively.

"Crikey," laughed the thick accented Austallion, "That all I'm worth, Shiny? Four 'undred bits?" His white unicorn friend nodded with a smirk. "Faust above! I'm offended. I thought we was friends!" Sharp cried in an overly-dramatic way, reclining back, closing his eyes, and placing a hoof to his forehead. "Blimey! What am I gon'a do? I'll 'ave ter qui' me job, live in a camper van, an' go an' 'un' wild game! Woe is bloody me!" Shining chuckled. Since he joined the guards at the age of 16, he'd made some pretty interesting friends from all trots of life. His good friend Sharp, for instance, grew up in rough-tough South Canterlot, a stark contrast to the well-known high society of east, west, and north sides of the city. This also meant the stallion had a more cheerful outlook on life compared to other stallions of the regiment; while they complained about everything from pay to duties, Sharp enjoyed his job, and acted as a reminder to always look on the bright side of life.

It'd rubbed off on Shining, that was for sure; when he first joined, he was insistent on rules and regulations, and always wanted to succeed himself. He never did think about his squad-mates back then, Shining thought to himself as he paced from the doorway to the opposing wall, a few metres at best, and repeating the action. He'd been assigned to guard the doors to the Princess' weekly lunch, more specifically Princess Cadence; he was one of the few stallions she had hoof-picked for the job, since she knew him well from when she would always foal-sit for Twilight. Shining would always answer the door, get her a drink whilst they waited for his parents to come downstairs from getting ready for their night or day out, then he'd wish her goodbye and head off to wherever it was he needed to go to. He knew back then she had links to royalty, but he'd never expected them to end up with her as a Princess. Smiling, he continued his pacing, still trying to remember exactly what Sharp had taught him about speaking in Cockney.

On the other side of the door, Corporal Star Flare let out a yawn. Since he'd been personally pulled into the room to ensure things, whatever they were, didn't get out of hoof, that meant he was inside a room that had thick, closed curtains, low ceiling, and a damaged enchantment that was originally meant to allow light breezes from the coast into the room via an invisible portal to transport the wind; after a solar flare, it simply pumped heated air from Saddle Arabia into the room. Even more embarassing was the fact that it was the only room available for the weekly lunch due to business meeting being held in the other rooms of its sort, as well as the same enchantment being placed on the other rooms, so there would have been no difference. However, the heat, in spite of likely conditioning themselves against it for centuries (or in Cadence's case, 25 years), still had a bad effect on the Princesses. Celestia, Luna, and Cadence were getting more irritable by the minute, but Star had no idea what they were arguing about: The summer heat, combined with the blasting heat of the desert that wasn't even in the room, was blurring his judgement as to what was and wasn't important.

For example, he had picked up on the fact that Luna had woken up at 4 in the morning to get down to breakfast earlier, but hadn't picked up on the fact that Cadence was a Princess of Love. His mind believed the importance of things was an inter-changeable in the heat that was confusing his grey-matter. He was also very tired, but thankfully his drill instructor had taught his whole squad how to sleep whilst standing up.

It wouldn't hurt to get some sleep whilst the Princesses were otherwise occupied, right? Slowly, the grey, white-maned stallion let himself slowly drift into Luna's realm.

Star jerked awake as something clutched his tail and dragged him out of the room, causing him to yelp as the doors were slammed oprn. Panicking, he was about to spread his wings and fly off, before he realised he was lying on the back of his regimental commander: Princess Luna. She looked incredibly annoyed: what if she'd seen one of her guards sleeping on duty? What if she was going to punish him? He swallowed hard as he was carried away from the room, watching Shining and Sharp stare at him in confusion. He mouthed the words 'I have no clue' to the duo, before turning and looking at the Princess. "M-Ma'am?" he stuttered.

"Not a word, Corporal." she said firmly. "Just stay away from Celestia and Cadence, and it will all be fine." The night-guard lay on his back open-open, bouncing up and down on his Princess' wing bases as she trotted down the halls to the looks of confused Guards. Star noted how several of them gave him the 'spank her' gesture, or the universal male's 'good catch' gesture as he went past, and contemplated it. He'd had a marefriend before, but didn't enjoy it that much. What if this was leading up to something between him and the Princess? He admitted, like absolutely every male guard, and even some female guards, that Princess Luna had some of the finest flanks in Equestria. While Celestia's were large and soft, as guards noted when they watched her trotting down the corridor as her flanks shook, Luna's seemed more toned. Star now had confirmation, as he was having his face smacked against them as Luna bounded down the corridors with him on her back. She didn't seem bothered; either she was unconcious of her own butt, or she was enjoying it.

Either way, she entered her chambers, closed the door, and dropped Star to the carpet. He was stunned for a moment; first he was having every stallion's fantasy happen to him as the mare in question was unaware of what she was doing to him, then she brought him to her chambers. The carpet was fluffy, and smelt of jasmine fragrance, but that smell was cut short as Princess Luna picked him up by the scruff of the neck using magic.

"I hope this did not cause you any alarm, Corporal," she began, dusting him off, before beginning to pace back and forth in front of him. "But my sister and niece have finally decided we are to cease all social contact within the castle." Star blinked. "I detected that you had fallen asleep in the corner of the room, as did we all when you fell over sideways onto the floor." Luna smiled playfully. "So, I feel it is necessary to get you up to speed, Corporal. We began arguing over the...um...hm. I can't remember what it was, but I know it was a bad argument since my sister said I'm 'eye-candy'. None have dared to call me that as of now, but I am aware that many guards, you included, agreed in the Guard's Canteen that I had a nice plot." Star coughed, blushing hard. Luna turned to him with one slender eyebrow raised and a small smirk. "Is this true?"

"Permission to not answer question, ma'am?" he asked hopefully, desperate to avoid all eye-contact. Luna giggled.

"Of course." she beamed. "Now, before I ask this next request of you, I must know: are you willing to spend your day as my personal bodyguard?" Star's jaw fell open, and he thought for a few seconds. He was basically being asked if he wanted to stay in Luna's chambers every night, get high pay, and the latest equipment, as well as run personal errands for her. Pretty much a job in the Secret Service.

"Why me, ma'am?" he asked instinctively, mentally slapping himself. Luna raised a brow.

"Well," she began, circling the stallion and eyeing him up and down. "You were the only stallion to hoof that I was able to give such orders to, or carry away from the room in such a manner. Alongside that, by the time I had found another Night-guard, they may have already heard my sister's twisted version of the argument and refused to work with me. Since you were busy sleeping, I know that you couldn't POSSIBLY have heard the argument, and that meant you would be less biased. Plus, I'm aware that you have been excited by the prospect of working as my guard, judging by your recent interviews, so this was also a good thing for you. So, what do you feel you should do?" Star thought. The white, grey-haired pegasus tapped a hoof to his chin.

"Umm...I'd...willingly take the offer, ma'am." he said finally. Luna then emitted a loud 'squee' of happiness in reply as she hugged her new personal guard.

"Thank you, dear Star Flare!" she said happily, clutching the stallion close to her chest. "I must give my utmost gratitude for this; it may have helped prevent civil war!" Star felt a strange warm sensation inside himself as she held him tightly against her chest. He also noted how soft her fur was; the musk carried with it was rather drowse-inducing, but it was highly likely nopony ever got close enough to her to notice it. Within a one-minute long hug, Star had already managed to lose conciousness, falling asleep, rather embarassingly, in the Princess' hooves. Luna heard his quiet snores, and smiled as she gently moved him to a sofa on the opposite side of the room, placed him down, and magically summoned a blanket to place over him. "Rest well, my guardian. For tonight is when you shall truly be tested." she whispered, before moving over to her dressing table to comb her mane, remove her regalia, and prepare for the night ahead.

Author's Note

Please bear in mind this is set WAY before the whole 'Royal Wedding' fiasco. So don't come whining about how Shining is but a lowly Corporal in this, and that Cadence is young and hot...wait...

"It's only gonna get worse, mate: Celestia is on the other team."

Sharp stood outside the doorway to the room, scratching his head with a hoof at the sudden exit of Princess Luna with one of his companions carried on her back. "Bloody Tartarus." he murmured to Shining. "I'll never understand women. Know what I mean?" The white unicorn nodded in response, picking up his spear and preparing to follow, before there was a sudden tap on his shoulder. He turned his head with one eyebrow cocked in confusion, only to see a less than impressed Princess Cadence looking back into his eyes. He emitted a small panicked cry, and scrambled to salute.

"M-Ma'am!" he stuttered quickly. Cadence just rolled her eyes.

"At ease." she sighed. "Follow me, Shiny." The unicorn dropped his salute in confusion, looking at Sharp as the pink alicorn trotted away down the corridor with a calm yet threatening demeanour. "Go on, mate," the red earth pony ushered. "Princess' orders an' all, eh?" Shining looked worriedly at his companion, before swallowing hard and going at a gallop to catch up to Cadence. He trotted beside her, attempting to look as professional as she did when she moved down the grand halls of marble, but failed as he stumbled whilst trying to keep up with her pace. The mare giggled at his antics, and kept the small smile as the two finally reached her chambers. Both guards either side gave confused salutes, keeping their eyes on Corporal Shining Armor as he cautiously followed the pink alicorn of love into her chambers. He was getting mixed signals from her: Either he was in trouble, being replaced, being fired, or she was going to ravage him.

He hoped for the last one: All the years he'd known her, he still thought she was hot. "Shining, I know this is sudden," Cadence began with a sigh as she shut the large doors to her room. "But there's been an argument between we Princesses. I...can't exactly remember what it was about, but I was referred to as a 'succubus' by Luna, and I'm actually quite offended. I don't know WHAT it means, but I'm certain it's...like, an old insult or something. Anyway, that's why I need YOU to act as my personal bodyguard from now." Shining blinked, and responded in the only way he knew how to talk to women.

"Permission to speak as a friend, ma'am?" he asked formally. He mentally face-hoofed. Way to go, Captain Smooth. You'll be talking your way to her ass in no time. Cadence was taken aback, but cleared her head of the thoughts and nodded.

"A-Ah, yes, certainly." she replied quickly.

"Well, I was going to say that I don't exactly know why you'd want me to act as your bodyguard?"

"Well," Cadence began, moving over to a shelf to find a dictionary. "You're one of my most trusted stallions I know in the Royal Guards. Those two other stallions you had with you when the argument broke out were included, but now I can only trust members of my own guard. The other two could have spread horrible rumours about my intentions to my own regiments by now, meaning that the only stallion I had to hoof at the time could be trusted, seeing as how you likely didn't hear the argument." Shining thought about this.

"So what exactly does working as your bodyguard entail me doing?" he asked, watching Cadence pulling a cute expression at the words she was finding whilst wearing reading glasses. She raised a hoof to reply, but then found the word 'Succubus' and its definition.

"Oh." she blushed. "Apparently, a Succubus is a demon from Tartarus that seduces men with her striking sexual appeal, and charm, before feeding on their love and usually leaving them enslaved." She stared at this for a few seconds more, before chuckling. "Heh. You hear that?" she smiled at Shining. "I'm sexy." Shining blushed and coughed.

"Umm...I don't know what I'm meant to say there." he muttered.

"You say 'I agree, mistress, you're sexually appealing, mistress, let me massage your perfect flanks, mistress.'" Cadence said, wiggling her rear end playfully near his face, causing him to try and avert his eyes. "And yes, I'm joking." Shining released a breath he had no idea he had been holding. "But anyway, the purpose of working as a bodyguard mainly means you carry out personal errands, deliver messages and packages, and protect me for as long as you're on a shift." she explained. "That means you'll have the night-shift as well, and watch over me as I sleep." A small part of Shining felt very excited at that last part. "So, do you accept?" The white unicorn had to stop and think for a moment.

If he accepted this job, he'd get to be with somepony he'd admired secretly for years, all day sometimes, and slowly charm her. Yeah. This'd be easy. "Alright," he nodded, "I accept." He did not expect Cadence to lunge forward and give him a crushing hug.

"Yay!" she squee'd, "I knew I could count on you! You'll receive the latest equipment, and we'll be able to have lunch together like we used to at school, since I can't exactly be on my own from now on. This is gonna be so great!" Shining noticed that Cadence seemed more adorable now he was up close to her. She smelt strange; it made him feel as though she was the only mare in Equestria...no. That was just her natural musk. Strangely love-inducing. It seemed the Princesses carried a musk that had effects related to their duties. If Star Flare had been given this same offer by Princess Luna, he'd have to ask what it did to him.

Shining could only wonder what Sharp Eyes was doing at that moment.

Sharp Eyes idly rocked back and forth on his hooves, calmly humming 'The Jarrow-wing Crusade' song to himself as Celestia sat in the room he had been guarding, thinking about the argument most likely. Sharp did not care; the red earth-stallion was paid to do his job, but he felt as though there was nothing stopping him dropping his professional façade when out of the public eye, going down to the castle bar, and meeting up with the lads. He didn't go down to places like that to get laid: he wasn't interested in a relationship of any kind, so getting lucky once was NOT a gamble he wanted to take.

A family life wasn't something he wanted to live, he only wanted to live the life of a Bushcolt, like his granddad was. Except instead of the old fashioned pull wagon, he'd save up for a new Automatic Camping Vehicle and an enchantment meaning he wouldn't have to keep paying for oil, and then he'd go and live life on the open road, adventures at every turn! Exotic fruits, exciting places, and mares he could sleep with and then leave in the night to go find a new place to adventure in. His ideal life was one his granddad lived, and died living. Suddenly, Sharp's daydreaming was cut short by a bright yellow flash.

Dazed, Sharp began confusedly reaching for his spear whilst blinded by the bright gold light, but finally stopped when the light stopped. He felt the blasting heat of a desert bearing down on him from some unknown source, but he knew he was definitely inside. Around him were ornate wooden walls, sparsely positioned windows with curtains pulled, and a locked door to a balcony. Lying in front of him on a sofa, however, was Princess Celestia, seeming annoyed by something. Sharp knew it was about the argument, but if Celestia teleports him into a locked room where she's lying down in a 'draw me like one of your Prench mares' position, he had no idea where it was leading. He still had his new pilot shades, so that was something.

"Corporal Sharp Eyes," Celestia began, "You are aware of the argument between my sister, my nice, and myself?"

"Yeah." Sharp replied bluntly, a bored expression on his face. He was never one for ranks. Celestia rolled her eyes.

"Not one for chit-chat, I see, so I'll get straight to the point: I called you in here to ask if you wished for a promotion to my Royal Bodyguard." Celestia said. "My reasoning for this is-"

"OK, Shiela." nodded the stallion. Celestia rolled her eyes again.

"Now, I suppose you will have an excuse to speak as freely as you do," she began, "As a Royal Bodyguard, you will be my first, second, third, all the way to my last line of defence. You will be watching over me for the whole day, performing errands for me, and guarding my chambers as I sleep."

"Sounds good, Miss." he replied. Finally, Celestia stood.

"Corporal Sharp Eyes, I, Princess Celestia, promote thee to the rank of Royal Bodyguard. As initiation, close contact is required. Are you comfortable with this?" asked the white goddess. Sharp raised a hoof to shake.

"Yeah, I'm fine with it, Princess. We shake 'ooves, yeah?" he asked. To his surprise, Celestia leaned forward to embrace him, causing the Austallion to recoil. "Woah, woah! I'm fine with a simple 'oof shake, yeah? I don't much go fer hugs, sorry. Awright?" Celestia stopped, sighed, and smiled, extending a hoof to shake with the stallion.

"I suppose you will be more interesting than all the other 'Prince Charmings' I've had for bodyguards in the past." she chuckled. "Now, are you ready for your first job?" Sharp nodded, bouncing up and down on his hooves in idleness. "You need to go down to Francinni's café and buy lunch."

Sharp nodded again, and began to trot casually out of the room. Not one raised brow, not a single 'uhhh', and not one consideration for the fact that the door was locked. The red stallion ploughed into the oak doors, stunning himself slightly, causing Celestia to chuckle. She ignited her horn, grabbed the key, and unlocked the door, pushing it open. "If you are quite done, I'd like a blueberry muffin. Here." A bag of coins suddenly appeared on Sharp's head. "Enough there to pay for the most expensive item on his menu about 19 times. Also enough to buy yourself some lunch, too." The stallion, as usual, raised a hoof in response.

"Thanks, Shiela." he smiled, before leaving her sight. This left her with a bemused grin at the eccentric character she had entrusted her life into the hooves of.

Author's Note

Yes, Sharp Eyes is VERY informal. I designed him in reference to myself, but not the kind of 'I can break a mountain with one hoof' OC you get a lot of. He doesn't like mares, he just likes fun.

"This cat's ours, now."

Star blearily opened his eyes to see where he was. He could remember a...job offer...a warm embrace...and...that was it. However, that was surely a dream, right? Luna would never let him guard her 24/7, and the Princesses get along too well to start an argument that bad.

Right?

Confused as to why he was sleeping, Star looked around the room. To his surprise, he was in a large, dark room, with a tall ceiling that was decorated with stars and a moon, illuminating the room gently with an eerily natural glow. In the middle of the room, there was a quad-poster bed, with blue silk slung between the pillars as curtains. The windows opposite him were colossally large, with long thick curtains tucked away at the side to reveal a beautiful view of night-time Equestria. He remained absolutely silent in shock, jaw hanging open like some kind of broken door in a house tilted on its side.

This is not my room.

Just then, he noticed the crackling sound coming from across the room, and looked over to investigate. He had only just closed his mouth, and this room was yet to damage his jaw further. There, illuminated by moonlight at her dressing table just across the room, was Princess Luna herself. She was using a very, very expensive-looking comb and running it through her mane, the loud crackling sound ringing out every time she moved it through her smooth hair. However, she seemed less than pleased. She was almost frowning in the mirror at her mane maintenance, wincing occasionally as she ran over a knot with the brush. Quietly, amidst the very faint noises of the brush crackling, and the Canterlot city night-life below the palace, he could hear the Night Princess murmuring.

More accurately, complaining.

"Faust-damned knots..." she grumbled, still unaware that Star was watching her. Even in the low light, he could see exactly what she was doing. He was born with it, it runs through his family. Well, he was told. "One of these days, I'll replace you with a mane like I had when I was a Nightmare, and I won't have to deal with these confounded knots..." Star decided now, in spite of the Princess' mood, he would make his appearance known. However, she beat him to it. "Ah, Star, you're awake again," she smiled, lowering the hair brush and standing up to move over to him. He did the same, minus the hairbrush, standing up in his full glory as her Private Guard.

Unless that was a dream.

Best one he'd had for a while, though.

"Yes, y-your Majesty." he replied cautiously. He was attempting to avoid eye-contact with the Princess, darting his blue eyes around. Luna simply rolled her own turquoise eyes, and put a hoof to his shoulder.

"Corporal, I am completely fine with you making eye-contact." she sighed, smiling slightly. "I don't banish ponies to the moon for such trivial things. Unlike my sister." Star smiled himself at the small insult towards the Sun Goddess. It was unlikely he'd know exactly what started the argument, but until then, he'd just have to enjoy the behind-the-back insults that Luna issued to her rivals. He cleared his throat.

"Aha, um, I suppose that's, ah, a tad more comforting to know that I won't be banished for looking you in the eyes, ma'am." he replied, stopping his eyes from darting and resting them on the Princess' eyes. He now had confirmation of the rumour that she had the most beautiful gaze in Equestria, since she was directing it upon him. Well. Back to business. "What are my orders, your Majesty?" he asked. Luna smiled, turning and moving across the room to a table covered in maps, star charts, navigation assisting devices, and other such like. Star didn't notice that table at first glance, and he also could never have assumed that Princess Luna must have been quite the adventurer. She looked over the table, before gesturing for Star to approach.

"Corporal, could you come here, please?" she asked politely. Since it was his job to obey, Star carefully made his way across the room to where she was stood, ensuring not to trip on his first 3 minutes of the job. When he did arrive, Luna flicked on a small electrical lamp that illuminated the table. "Tell me, Star Flare, what do you see on this table?" He looked at the maps. Each one was of a different jungle, wasteland, or mountain range in Equestria, and all had one single similarity: a large, red circle at certain points on each map.

"Well, ma'am," Star began, "I see several maps of solitary and dangerous locations, each one bearing the same red circle around a specific point." Luna nodded.

"Correct." she replied, levitating the first one on the pile up in front of the window, allowing light to slip through the translucent white colouring on the paper. "Now, as you rightly said, these are all solitary places. Each one has not been fully explored, but if you were to note what was in the red circles, you may see what looks like a cluster of buildings." Now Star could see those. Small grey, brown, and misshapen objects positioned in groups in small clearings. "As it turns out, this map is of the forest below the castle. And these objects only appeared after my...fellow monarchs stormed away after losing the argument. So, I have reason to be suspicious."

"If I may, ma'am," Star began, "But I don't think they can do much down there. Plus, they also may not bear any significance to your argument." Luna paused, and considered this.

"Well, yes, you may be correct," she replied, "But is it worth taking the risk of allowing them to remain?" Now it was Star's turn to consider this. She might be right. What if it were some kind of assault base? On a lighter possibility, they might just be travelling merchants. Otherwise, probably not the best thing to keep them around.

"I suppose you are correct, ma'am," he replied in as formal a tone he could muster. "I'm at your service, after all. Do you want me to investigate?" To his surprise, Princess Luna simply rolled the map up, and stored it, then looked him right in the eyes.

"No," she said calmly, "We are going to investigate."

Sharp Aim looked up at Celestia's balcony, his sunglasses being nearly transparent now to avoid making it impossible to see in the dark courtyard. Of course, there were torches in places, but it was still difficult to see much else of the lavish garden. The Austallion scratched the back of his head with his hoof very briefly, and then decided it was time. Celestia stood on the balcony in question, looking over her city, so it'd be an easy shot. Readying the arrow, Sharp stood on his hind legs, aimed his steel bow up towards the balcony, and emptied his lungs whilst he aimed. Once he was certain he was guaranteed a hit, he released the arrow. It disappeared temporarily, lost in the night and its only evidence of existence being the quiet whoosh as it sailed to the upper deck. Finally, in the blink of an eye, it appeared in Celestia's balcony lights and smacked into the masonry by her doorframe. Celestia yelped in fright, and quickly turned to look at the object with hammering heartbeats.

There, stuck in the small gap between the marble door arch, was a long black arrow, feathers smooth and almost oily looking in the lamplight. The head had made no damages or even scratches to the stone doorway, and attached to the centre was a small basket. Curiously, Celestia approached, removing the lid on the basket with great caution and peeping inside.

To her undying surprise, inside the basket was a small kitten, gently sleeping as though it hadn't just gone from 0-50MPH in a second. It had deep black fur, with a white belly and tip on its tail. Beside it, there was a collar and small letter. Carefully, she picked both up and lowered the basket to the small table beside her in one smooth magical movement. She first decided that the letter was important, and opened it.

Princess Celestia,

Found this little guy wandering the castle on his own

Looked a little lost

Followed him and he went to sleep in a basket

So I improvised

Love from Sharp Aim

(P.S: I intended to launch a crazy cat into Cadence's room, but then I didn't think I could fit your sister in a basket. So, again, I improvised.)

Celestia couldn't help but chuckle at her new bodyguard's interesting sense of humour. He was...respectful. At times. But sometimes he just didn't care and wanted it done. She'd told him to pass a message to a Noble's room, about a Diplomatic meeting with some Saddle Arabian oil barons, and rather than conventionally deliver it, Sharp took the letter, pinned it to an arrow, then launched it all the way over the courtyard into a wall just beside the Noble, who promptly fainted. Then Sharp complained about not hitting the apple on the table, which was what he seemed to be aiming for. Otherwise, while he showed respect for rank on some occasions, she liked having him around. Sure, she'd had to tell a General to give Sharp a talk about respect in the past, but now she'd actually met him, he was possibly the most interesting pony she'd met in over two hundred years.

Before she got too deep into thought, she remembered that she had a cat to inspect. As she looked at the collar, she noted it said 'BlAkE' in almost foal-like hoofwriting, giving the impression that it had belonged to a child somewhere. However, a small patch of fur missing on its side indicated it had met with other cats in the past. She was still conflicted whether she should keep it: She did mention that Philomena seemed lonely during the day to Sharp, so this did demonstrate he was listening. However, she wasn't certain that in a crisis period she should be getting a cat.

Suddenly, the sound of another arrow hitting the wall rang out, and this time it had neatly lodged into one of the decorative Fleur-de-Lis she had on the wall. Again, no damage. This one also had a note strapped to it.

Princess Celestia,

Yeah, sorry for the surprise again, but I was just gonna say that Moonbutt and Star Flare just flew off together down the mountain. I think they've found something, so I'll get to you quickly and you can tell me what to do.

Love from your favourite Austallion markstallion, Sharp Aim.

(P.S: You're gonna want to turn your telescope to Candyass' room if you want dirt on her, she's playing with magic spells.)

Celestia, not one to miss out on such a golden opportunity, quickly put the cat basket on the table and magically put the collar around its neck, then grabbed her telescope and pointed it at Cadence's window. One of the many perks of having the tallest tower in the castle was the advantage of height: She could easily see what anypony in the palace was doing by peering through her telescope.

And what she saw Cadence doing was pure gold for insult material.

Author's Note

Ideas on what she's doing? What could Cadence have been trying? Post below!