The Life of a Wub Obsessed DJ.
Prologue: Mondays And Interview
Vinyl Scratch
Mondays in Ponyville are always so simple.
Sleep in until 12pm and then proceed to grumble about how much Mondays can go eat a dick and get so shitfaced that a starving dog wouldn’t even come give your face a nibble.
Following my own prerogative, I spent the majority of Monday morning sleeping in and pretending that waking up on a Monday was something that only the insane and weak willed dared to do.
But it seemed that one of the weak willed ones had other plans for me as the sound of somepony knocking on my door aroused me from my slumber and forced me to look at the clock next to the bed….it read 9:00am….too damn early for any sane pony to be awake.
With a frustrated grunt, I threw the covers back over myself, and I swear to Celestia that I tried my hardest to fall back asleep, but the pony knocking on the door didn’t seem to understand that no one was home and resigned themselves to knocking repeatedly on my door.
“Oh, for the love of all that is pure!” I yelled, leaving the warm embrace of my bed to open the door for whoever dared interrupt my me time!
I swear I could hear my bed begging me to come back. It wanted me to snuggle with it and hold it because it was getting cold, but I couldn’t for the insane ponies outside didn’t want us to be together, and I was determined to make them pay for separating true love!
I made my way through the hallways that made up part of my home, pictures of me and my wife, Octavia, hung neatly along the hall. Our wedding day, our honeymoon to Stalliongrad, and many other pictures that never failed to bring a smile to either of our faces, even during one of our worst days.
I finally made it to the living room and subsequently, the door. The knocking had stopped instead, being replaced by the whispers of the monsters that had forced me to come all the way down to greet them. My curiosity got the better over my need for sweet vengeance, and I perked my ears up to hear what the heathens outside were saying to each other.
“Come on, girls, she’s not home,” squeaky voice number one said
“Ah ain't givin up. We need to interview somepony, and she’s the only one who hasn’t said no yet!” a squeaky, farmer voice exclaimed.
I giggled a little in my head; somepony wanted to interview me! I’ve had plenty of people come and ask for autographs and pictures but never an interview. I was just about to open the door when another voice spoke up.
“Come on girls, lets just go Interview Rainbow Dash!” The higher pitched but not nearly as high pitched as the last two voices spoke.
“But Scoots, Rainbow sleeps in on Mondays, and how are we supposed to get up to her cloud home?” said one of the voices. I wasn’t paying too much attention to the conversation by that point, opting to go into the kitchen and get me a much needed cup of coffee.
It was obvious that the ponies outside were fillies and since they were children, I had to be as awake as possible so that I wouldn’t leave a lasting impression on their young minds.
I took a swig of my coffee and sighed happily. ‘Ohhh thats the stuff,’ my tired mind groaned happily, the caffeine washing over it and arousing its tired brain muscles like the caress of a lover you hadn’t seen in months.
My brain was on full alert by the time I waltzed over to the door with probably the stupidest smile that anypony had ever seen plastered on my face. Using my magic I opened the door and was greeted to the site of three fillies, a white unicorn with a purple and pink mane, an orange pegasus with a purple mane, and a pale yellow earth pony with a bright red mane.
They stared wide eyed up at me surprised that I actually answered the door and for my part I just stared down at them, stupid smile and all.
“Well, hello there,” I said in an almost too happy tone. “What can I do for you?”
The three looked at each other, their own smiles becoming bigger and bigger. I was starting to worry that they’d explode from smile overload.
“Howdy, Miss Vinyl Scratch, Ahm Applebloom!” Red hair said with an intoxicatingly cute drawl.
“I’m Sweetie Belle!” Squeaky unicorn shouted, jumping up a little and a spark of magic coming from her horn.
“And I’m Scootaloo!” Orange followed suit, fluttering her wings in excitement.
“And we’re THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!” they yelled together in a voice that would make Princess Luna look like a bitchy pushover (don’t tell her I said that). I heard the distinct sound of glass cracking and looked over to my left to see that the coffee cup I had been holding in my magic had shattered, spilling coffee and glass onto the floor.
The girls looked down at the broken glass and then back to me and then back to the cup, their smiles disappearing and turning into dejected, dream crushed frowns. I waved my hoof dismissively.
“Don’t worry about it, I break that cup all the time.” Using my magic, I picked up the shards of the broken coffee cup and levitated them over to the kitchen table. I then retrieved a napkin from the kitchen and cleaned up the mess, my eyes never leaving the fillies. “How about you girls tell me what it is you want with me on this glorious Monday?” I tried my hardest not to grit my teeth when I said the word Monday but I couldn’t help myself, I hate Mondays!
The girls, after noticing the crisis had been averted, looked back up to me and smiled. Sweetie Belle then spoke up. “We are here to interview you for the foal free press!” She and her friends pulled out fedoras and notepads, smiles plastered so hard onto their faces that Pinkie would die from smile overload.
I nodded sagely. “An interview, huh?” I rubbed my chin. “I don’t know, my schedule is pretty busy..” I trailed off smiling inward as they began to panic a little at not getting an interview.
“Please, Miss Scratch? Applebloom begged, her cute eyes piercing my soul and filling it with icky and nasty feelings of daww and so cute!
“Hmm.” I closed my eyes to avoid looking at the demons that were currently trying to weaponize their own cuteness. “I think I’m going to have to say…” I opened one eye and smiled. “Of course!” I shouted.
“Yes!” all three of them cheered. “Thank you thank you thank you!” they bounced around me like I had just revived one of their dead pets or something; it was really cute.
“Okay, okay, calm down,” I chuckled, turning around walking inside the house. “Come inside and we can get started.” They obeyed and followed me to the kitchen table sitting down and getting comfortable, I began working on the cup, using my magic to weld it back together while they stared wide eyed at me.
“How are you doing that?” Scootaloo asked with her little eyes wide with amazement.
“I’m using my magic to heat the pieces back together and keep them stuck together. Kind of like glue but more permanent,” I said simply. “I’m used to having ponies break my equipment and records, so I learned how to repair things like this. It’s very simple, and it's kind of like putting together a puzzle.” I smiled. “But thats not part of the interview is it? So what would you like to know?”
I would later learn that the interview was supposed to be about a pony’s special talent, and how they incorporated it into their jobs and hobbies. But the fillies had other ideas because they noticed a very important picture behind me that even I had forgotten was there.
“What’s that?” Sweetie Belle asked, pointing to the picture that made its home on the wall behind me. I turned to look at it and saw that it was a picture of me and Twilight Sparkle on our fifth birthday, smiling like idiots and having a grand time. I used my magic to bring the picture to the table to show the three fillies.
“This is a picture of me and my twin cousin,” I began. “Her name is..”
“Hey, that’s Miss Twilight!” Applebloom loudly interrupted me. “You’re her cousin?” she asked.
I nodded a ghost of a smile on my face. “Yep, she and I were born on the same day.” I looked at them. “But that is neither here nor there, let’s get onto the interview.” I was getting a bit antsy since we hadn’t gotten to the questions or anything that normally took place during an interview. Don’t get me wrong, these girls were cool in my book, but they also had interrupted Vinyl Scratch sleep time!
“But Miss Scratc…” I held a hoof up to interrupt Applebloom’s complaints and began talking in a serious tone.
“Okay, first off, I’m married,” I pointed to one of the wedding photos of Tavi and I that sat on a neighboring nightstand, “and second off, just call me Vinyl. When people call me ‘Miss’ or misuse, it makes my ears itch uncomfortably.”
Applebloom nodded. “But Vinyl, we promise to interview you after, but could you please tell us about your life with Twilight?!” she begged. “Our sisters don’t know too much about her family since Twi never talks about you guys….”
I rubbed my chin again my, mind contemplative. It was true that Twily never really talked about our family. She was always such a shut in and forgot about the important things like family and friends when she got engrossed into her darling little books.
I looked at the three fillies who sat across from me, eyes wide and begging like a puppy who had just gotten caught doing something he shouldn’t have been doing. I sighed and nodded, eliciting another loud yes from the trio, causing the cup I had just finished mending to crack and shatter again.
“Okay, fine, but after this you owe me a new cup…” I grumbled. I had the ability to fix the cup again, but in all honesty I needed a new one anyway. “So, where would you like me to start?”
The three fillies grinned and Scootaloo spoke up. “We would like to hear all of it!” she exclaimed.
I smiled down at her. “Okay then, sit down and relax and let your aunty Vinyl tell you a tale of a book worm and a DJ, two opposites born into the same family,” I began eerily, an evil smile forming on my face. If they wanted to hear all of it... they were going to get ALL of it.
