How Discord Stole Hearth's Warming
Every pony in Ponyville liked Hearth’s Warming a lot,
But the spirit of chaos and disharmony, Discord, did not.
Discord hated Hearth’s Warming, the whole joyous season.
Please, don’t ask me why, nopony quite knows the reason.
Perhaps the cold weather made him feel all that spite.
Perhaps his animal parts weren't all attached right.
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.
But whatever the reason, his heart or the weather,
He stood there in the snow, feeling no pleasure.
Staring down from his perch with an ominous frown
At the warm lighted windows below in the town.
For he knew every pony in Ponyville below,
Would be wrapping their presents and playing in the snow.
“And they’re hanging decorations,” Discord snarled with a sneer.
“It’s Hearth’s Warming Eve. The season’s practically here!”
Then he growled to himself and continued his shunning,
“I must find some way to keep Hearth’s Warming from coming.”
“For, tomorrow, I know every filly and colt
Will awaken bright and early, and to their presents they’ll bolt.
They’ll unwrap all those gifts, they’ll unwrap every toy,
And then the joy, oh the joy, the joy, joy, joy, joy!
If there’s one thing I can’t stand it’s the joy, joy, joy, joy…”
“For Twilight some books and a set of new quills.
For Pinkie Pie a new party cannon, with which to have thrills,
For Scootaloo a new Scooter, For Apple Bloom a new bow,
For Rarity new needles and fabric to sew.”
“Then the ponies, young and old, will sit down to a feast,
And they’ll feast, and they’ll feast, and they’ll feast, feast, feast, feast!
Apple dumplings, carrot cake… I can’t stand it in the least!
They’ll feast it all away, every last piece!"
“And then they’ll do something that makes me gag in revolt,
All the ponies in Ponyville, every filly and colt,
They’ll drop what they’re doing and stand in a throng.
They’ll stand close together and randomly burst into song.”
“And they’ll sing, and they’ll sing,
And they’ll sing, sing, sing, sing…”
And the more Discord thought of this Ponyville song,
The more the draconequus thought, “This is wrong!”
“What happened to Equestria while I was a statue?
Where’s the mayhem, the disorder, the chaos, I ask you?
I’ve put up with this nonsense for far too long now.
I must stop this harmonious season, but how?”
Then, he got an idea, an awful idea.
Discord got a chaotic, destructive, idea.
“I know just what I’ll do!” The great trickster said,
“If those ponies won’t have chaos, then I’ll make some instead.”
And with a snap of his fingers he made a quick change,
And in an instant his form shifted into something less strange.
Discord laughed with great pleasure “What fun this will be.
Why, with this new form, I look just like a pony.”
And he conjured up a sleigh and some old empty sacks,
Then he tied himself in and quickly made tracks.
With a mighty step forward the sleigh started down
Toward the homes where the ponies lay asnooze in their town.
All their windows were dark, quiet snow filled the scene
When he came to a house with a fashionable theme.
“Carousel Boutique,” Discord hissed eagerly.
“I suppose a good place to start is with Rarity.”
And he climbed to the roof, a few sacks in tow.
And he slithered down the chimney to the house below.
He got stuck only once, for a minute or two,
But then he remembered he could just teleport through.
There were little pony dresses on their stands in a row.
“These dresses,” Discord said, “Are the first things to go!”
Then he grinned evilly, it was a sight most unpleasant.
And he stalked about the room, taking every present!
Candy! And horseshoes! Roller skates! Trains!
Checkerboards! Saddles! Popcorn! Toy planes!
He took every gift, every single decoration
All the ribbons and trimmings, from every location
He stuffed them in sacks and then, very nimbly,
Stuffed them all, one-by-one, straight up the chimney.
Then he slunk to the kitchen. He took the ponies’ feast.
He took all the baked goods. He even took their cooking grease!
He stuffed it all up the chimney with glee.
“And now,” Discord said, “I will stuff up their tree!”
But as Discord took the tree and started to shove
He heard a soft sound, like the coo of a dove.
He turned around so fast that he nearly fell.
Standing there in the hall was the pony, Sweetie Belle.
The filly stared; confused by the sight she was viewing,
“Excuse me,” she said, “What the hay are you doing?”
But you know, that old Discord is so smart and so sly,
He cast a quick spell and fed her a lie.
“Why nothing, my dear,” Discord simply said.
“There’s nopony here. You should go back to bed.”
And his spell fooled the filly, and she quickly fell asleep.
For the rest of the night, she wouldn’t make a peep.
And when Sweetie Belle’s hypnotized eyes finally shut
Discord went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up.
Then he went up the chimney himself, the old liar,
On the walls he left nothing, just hooks and some wire.
And the one speck of food Discord left in the house
Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse.
Then he did the same thing to the other ponies’ houses,
Leaving crumbs much too small for the other ponies’ mouses.
It was a quarter to dawn; all the ponies still a-bed
All of them asnooze when he packed up his sled,
Packed it up with their presents, their ribbons, their wrappings,
All the tags, all the tinsel, all the trimmings and trappings.
A thousand feet up, to the side of a cliff
Discord rode through the night to dump every gift.
“They’re in for a surprise,” He was cheerily humming.
“Those ponies will see that Hearth’s Warming’s not coming.
They’re waking up now. I simply can’t wait!
All those looks on their faces when they realize too late…”
“They’ll be sad for a bit, it’ll be such a shame.
But then, very soon, they’ll all start to blame!
They’ll accuse, become angry, they’ll shout and throw fits!
They’ll argue and scream over all their lost bits!
And when the chaos is more than any can bear
Every pony in Ponyville will cry out in despair.”
“That’s a noise,” Discord said, “That I simply must hear.”
He paused for a moment and put a hoof to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow,
It started in low, and then started to grow.
But this sound wasn't mad. This sound sounded merry!
It couldn't be true, but it was merry… very!
Discord stared down and popped his eyes.
Then he shook. What he saw was a shocking surprise!
Every pony in Ponyville, from Rainbow Dash to the Mayor
Was singing, seemingly without any care.
He hadn't stopped Hearth’s Warming from coming. It came!
Somehow or another, it came just the same.
And Discord with his hooves Ice-cold in the snow
Just stood there, dumbfounded, “How could this be so?
They should all be panicking, screaming, and hating,
Loathing, despising, shouting, berating!”
He puzzled and puzzled, until his puzzler was sore,
Then Discord thought of something he hadn't before.
“Maybe Hearth’s Warming,” he thought, “Doesn't come from a store.”
“Maybe, just maybe, it’s about something more.”
And what happened then? Well, in Ponyville they say
That Discord’s small heart grew three sizes that day!
And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight
He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light.
And he brought back their toys, all the food for their feast,
Every tree, every wreath, and last but not least…
Discord, who had once brought terror to Equestria,
Wrote a letter that began, “Dear Princess Celestia…”
Welcome, Hearth’s Warming. Bring all your cheer,
Cheer to everypony, far and near…
For this day is a day to feel most ecstatic,
And to remember, truly, that friendship is magic.
Author's Note
I own nothing, least of all any copyrighted characters or stories. This is an adaptation/parody and nothing more.
