Words

by TheIdyllStar

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Sad, Original Character, Tragedy
Length: 12926

In Stalliongrad, Adaptive finds solace in a friend he meets in a local business. This friendships leads to some of life's biggest ups and downs for him.

"Regrets. They flood one's mind till nothing remains but the thoughts of what could have been. Never again thinking of what could be."

Adaptive, a once proud stallion, has made the biggest mistakes of his life. Ranging from being a coward in the face of life's greatest queries to simply being a bastard to the one person he wanted around. A complete exile, he has nothing left. Nothing but his thoughts and his talent. This is the story of a miserable once was who's only goal now is to disappear into the darkness of the world around him. This is the story of Adaptive.

Published 2013-12-11 22:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-05-27 05:57:27 UTC

'The Lottery'

Words'The Lottery'

A chance meeting. Something that could never have occurred. This one accidental happening would lead to the best and worst moments in the life of one particularly forgettable pony. He was mild, nice, quiet... average. He didn't stand out in the crowd in anyway what so ever. Not a artist or a business type, not a hero or a villain. Just your average Joe looking for an average book in an average store.

His name, Adaptive. Standing a fair four and a half feet tall, he could look most others in the eye with ease, never needing to raise or lower his sight line, but he always chose not to. For he feared what others saw in him. Feared they saw the blankness that lied in his own eyes. No fire, no ice, no anything. A blank stare.

Not too big either. Exercise had been his ally, but he never developed any real strength. Not from physical labor or the local work he did for coin. Simply he didn't have a physique anyone desired or admired. Yet one good enough to disappear with. Coated in his blue fur, he hid in plain sight. Lost in the sea of technicolor that was his world.

That was until he ran into the stallion that would change his life from then on. Gradually at first, but slowly as days gone by, picking up in pace till an eventual, terrible conclusion.

Across the street lay something not necessarily new, but an item of interest for Adaptive. A local business mare had recently opened up a bookstore relatively near his favorite theater here in Stalliongrad. Not that he got to go there very often anymore, but still. Hoping to broaden his horizon's, the young one wandered into 'Fiction's Finest'.

Inside, he noticed a few distinct detail. First off, the scenery was rather bland for such a bright and colorful part of town. The walls, grey, no real detail or design. No posters or ads. Just blank, boring color. Bookshelves lined with endless amounts of novels, sorted into categories with just 'white on black' tags indicating genres. Even the floor was a simple hardwood that lacked elegance or beauty.

"Obscure. Guess that's what they're going for here. Like a lone black sheep in a sea of white." His words caught the attention of the mare behind the counter. She turned to him, a knowing look on her face. Though she looked young, she fit the store to a tee. No flashy clothes. Fitting, librarian like glasses. Her coat matched the walls grey color scheme and her hair was straight, a jet black color running from root to bang.

"Exactly." Giving a smile and a nod of her head, he kept trotting in. Glancing at novel after novel. Thriller after Thriller. Love after Love. His eyes didn't stop rolling from book to book till they landed on a blast from the past. A tale he had examined many a time in his youth. It was a short story, but popular enough to receive a publication in stores.

"'The Lottery' huh? Haven't read this in quite a long time." The publication included analysis from some of Equestria greatest writers, interviews with the author, and some hand scribbled notes about the thought process behind the dark tale. If he was to buy anything here today, this was it.

Though... he knew he couldn't afford it. Making next to nothing working odd jobs didn't exactly land him in Trottingham next to the princess'. All he could do was window, or in this case, aisle shop. Staring for some time, he dared not pick up the hardback novel. Tempting himself and he knew it. He needed to leave, or less skip another days meal.

Just one touch, that's all he needed. He wanted to hold it. Feel what he couldn't have. Reaching out, his hoof shook lightly with anticipation. Not knowing, but his mouth was agape and his eye's wide. Slowly reaching it's destination, he gently laid his hoof on the cover, carefully running it across the image of fields that was the cover.

"Like the cover much hmm?" Startled, he shot his appendage back to his side. Adaptive turned to see a grey unicorn standing before him, eying him with ease. A half minute or so went by with him just staring back at the stranger. He didn't know what to say. "You okay? You seem a little startled." Realizing how foolish he must look now, he turned his gaze back to the book.

"Y-Yeah, just... um, looking. That." Raising a hoof to 'The Lottery' he tried to give a coy smile. To him, that sounded alot smoother than it turned out. To him, that just sounded like the coolest cat in a snow storm, but in reality, he fumbled and tripped worse than foals on ice. The stallion took notice.

"Well, you're... okay, I think. Nevertheless, that's a good story. Have you read it before?" Trying to recover from his little moment of stupor, Adaptive collected himself and faced the stallion.

"Yeah actually, I read it alot as a young colt. It was one that was read in school and it stuck with me. I really like how the author built up the twist, seemingly making it unapparent to the reader of the actual dark truth of the lottery. How the 'lucky' winner won the prize of death in the sake of good for the rest. Wonderful twist." The grey pony across from Adaptive raised a eyebrow at his evaluation of the story.

"So, you read alot of books then or just this one?" He raised his hat above his eye line. A simple little hat with a hole for his horn, it looked like one of those that artsy types would were. Blue with a black band around it topped of with a bright, multicolored feather.

"Kinda, I used to. Back in school I did, but since then I haven't much. I just figured I'd come check out this place, see if their was anything that caught my eye. It is new and all." Trying to avoid staring, Adaptive shifted his gaze from item to item around the store before landing back on him and his hat.

"Well, you seem interested, you planning to buy a copy?" Adaptive thought for a moment. He hadn't any capital he could spare this week. Even for something as nostalgic as this story. His job search had sorta run dry at the moment and he needed what he has for meals and rent this month.

"No, I can't afford it right now. Kinda short on funds for the time being. Not having a full time job kinda bites. I was just kinda looking around. This place is pretty new and all." Pausing for a moment, he looked over at the stranger he conversed with. Aside from his hat, the stallion only carried saddlebags around his midsection. They were white with the local college's logo on the sides. "So, you're a student here in the city?"

Glancing over at his sides as if to confirm his answer, he spoke. "Yeah, I'm a Mathematics major, 3rd year. I'm just here browsing, seeing if there's anything worth reading that I haven't already read." Reaching over and pulling out a stack of papers from his carrying bags, he sat down and waved Adaptive over to him. Taking a seat, he started examining the cover page.

"I've been working on a story of my own for one of my classes, just a trial I guess. Trying to find my place in literature." A nod to the stack of papers below them told Adaptive this must be his rough draft. No name on the cover, but it appeared to have all been written by hoof, or in his case using magic. Nevertheless, the penmanship was clean and easy to read.

"That's cool. I've never really been much of a writer myself. To be honest, I don't know what I am. Kinda lost in the world." Adaptive turned and looked at the stallion next to him, his eye's wandered the form, looking for nothing in particular, but at the same time, everything. Drifting away to his thoughts, his mind began to race.

'He's kinda hot... what if he likes me? How should I talk to him? Does he like me? ...NO, I can't be thinking this way, I just met him! I don't even know his name!' Shaking his head, he cleared his mind quickly. 'Back on task Adaptive.'

"So... uh," His voice was shaky, he hadn't totally regained his composure. "you write? I may be asking alot, but could I read what you have there?" Waiting for a moment to answer, the wheels of thought shown through the grey coated guy's eyes. It appeared he wasn't too sure whether he wanted him to or not.

"You know what? Sure, I could use a outside opinion. Feel free. Just... if you see any problems or grammar issues let me know." Sliding the story over to Adaptive, the unicorn waited patiently.

The next thirty minutes went by with the two sitting in the middle of a store aisle finding and fixing plot, grammar, and pacing issues in what was a overall average story. Adaptive would make a comment on a problem, and he would fix it. If it was a larger problem, like an issue with the storyline, he took a note and said he would fix it later.

By the time they were done, the two had just about finalized the story, except some minor changes. The story itself was simple enough, a tale of intrigue, yet simplicity. Nothing anyone would rant and rave about, but nothing to be scoffed either.

"Hey, if you want, I could edit for you whenever you need. I have plenty of free time. I mean, if you want that is." Adaptive spoke quietly to the colt next to him. Raising an eyebrow, a curious look crawled across the unicorn's face.

"You sure? I write one of these very often, and it could end up taking a fair share of your day if you let it."

"Yeah, I only work odd jobs at the moment, haven't even figured out what my talent is yet, see?" He raised a hoof to his flank, bare of any symbol or mark.

"Oh, you don't even have your cutie mark yet. Wow. Didn't you say you were out of school already?" A look of disgust and sympathy collided on his face as he asked the question, like he felt ashamed to be talking to someone who had no true direction.

"Well... yeah, but I just graduated a few months ago, I mean it's not like I haven't been trying to figure out what I'm good at. I just haven't stumbled across it yet. Who knows, maybe it's editing?" Adaptive was pleading his case and it seemed to work, at least a little.

"Okay, I'll bite. Meet me here in three days and we'll edit another, I've got a rough draft I'm about finished with sitting in my dorm." With that, he grabbed his work and headed for the door, stopping just before it. "And hey, what's your name anyways?"

"Adaptive... it's Adaptive."

"Adaptive huh? Well, nice to meet you Adaptive. I'll see you later." He wanted to call out to him and ask for his name, but he wasn't sure if he should. Something that didn't mean much, but he would've like to have known.

With that, the stallion that would change everything in his life walked out the door. Not to be seen for another three days. Three slow, boring, anxious days.

'Fragile'

Words'Fragile'

A delicate balance of chemicals and matter keeping the pieces in check. One little, tiny, insignificant slip and the entire process can come crumbly down like and avalanche on a steep mountain side. This is the mindset Adaptive had been grown into. Careful of every little thing. For one error, and his ultimate destiny could shatter his poor, desperate reality.

And now... he had someone to look forward to in three days. Someone to throw so many more variables into his little experiment. The more he thought of what could happen, the more the number grew, and the more controls changes into potential problems.

Was he smart enough to work with? Was he good looking enough to be seen with? Will he make a fool out of himself? Millions of little strings holding up his metaphorical marionette. A slice of the scissors and he crashed down just to be put back up again.

This endless cycle tormented his life for years and this time he was determined to keep himself afloat in his sea of life. He wanted more than anything to get this right. To actually find a friend in this mystery stallion. It's what he needed, something he truly wanted.

Adaptive had to be strong. He couldn't let his weakness fail him with this trial. Not to be broken, like a young foal. Fragile, that's what he had been, but he couldn't anymore.

Three slow days passed before he was ready to meet his friend again. He wandered around his home early in the morning, not eating anything. Foolishly, he spent a vast majority of that week's funds on hygiene and beauty products, trying to doll himself up as best he could for today.

Usually, he'd shower and only wash his hair with products cause he couldn't afford to buy shampoo and body wash most times, but the day before he had gone out and purchased high end shampoo, conditioner, and his own bottle of body wash. He felt great when he made the purchases, till he got home and looked in his bedside table at his stash of bits.

A measly 7 bits was to last him the rest of the week cause of the purchases. Adaptive hadn't found a job around town he could do yet and didn't have the qualifications to apply at most places that need employees now. He'd tried to go to school directly after high school, but without outside funding from his mom, he hadn't any way to pay tuition or housing and didn't have any credit so loans were out of the question.

Nevertheless, he felt great getting out of the shower. Feeling clean, his reflection in the previously fog covered mirror showed a beautiful him. His short blond hair, tipped with natural rainbow highlights ran down to his eyes. The blue coat that covered him lacked stains or markings from work and he shined like a pretty new bit.

Heading over to his closet, he tried to think of what would look good. His selection was rather limited, consisting of basic apparel. Jackets and boots for cold days, though most were cold days. This was Stalliongrad. A ushanka hat he had made in high school. Well, sorta, he'd dyed the fur portions of the hat rainbow colors in an attempt to stand out. Didn't really work though, just ended up getting him teased for being a tosser.

'Socks? No, too flashy, they are rainbow and all. Button up shirts? No, too formal.' Tossing different items out his closet like a young mare, he couldn't find anything. 'I guess... just a plain black tee would work. Oh and my baseball cap, that would look casual right?' He threw his clothing on and headed over to the mirror.

It looked nice. The shirt was a little tight, but he was toned enough it worked. The hat covered most of his hair, but the longer bits hanged out the front, a little rainbow above his eyes. Putting his tail in a band, he'd done this since school. It just looked nicer and neater to him. He stared into his own blue eyes, thinking of how the day could go.

So many scenarios flooded his mind. He could be cool, win the praise of the guy he wanted to impress, or he could look like an idiot and make the guy run for the hills so to speak. He imagined how it could go perfectly, winning the grey unicorn over and getting exactly what he wanted. Or he could be shunned for being a fool and be forced to pick himself back up again. Tons of possibilities.

Regardless, today was his chance to prove himself to this guy. He wanted to make a positive image in his mind for him. Taking one last glance in the mirror, he turned, shut down his apartment, and trekked out the door. Heading for 'Fictions Finest'.

Arriving at the book store, he waved to the store clerk he'd spoken to briefly yesterday. She looked the same as the day before. Same hair, same glasses, same smile. Something he hoped would become familiar to him. It'd be cool if he even became what she would call a regular, that's if this stallion showed up today.

"You looking for your friend?" Adaptive turned to her, somewhat surprised. Turning to the ground, he went into thought for a moment. 'Had she taken notice of us sitting in the aisle yesterday?' Turning back to her, she was pointing a hoof over to the 'Science Fiction' section, which was housed on the wall of the store. Just above the aisles, he could see that same hat and feather looking around and shifting.

"Thanks. And hey..." He trotted over to the counter, close enough to speak quietly. "Has he been here long? I hope I didn't keep him waiting." The cashier leaned in closely, speaking softly like he had.

"Not really, he arrived about a half hour ago and asked if you had come to the store yet, so I told him no, you had not." With that, Adaptive gave a small thanks and headed over to talk to the pony waiting for him.

Adaptive quietly came up next to him. The grey unicorn had been flippy through a science fiction novel with the image of a space craft on the cover. The teal glow of his horn entombing the novel. His eyes scanned text and images of the pages he passed over.

"How's it goin'?" The grey stallion didn't draw his attention away from the book, but by the way his mouth started to open, Adaptive could tell he heard him. Processing what he was going to say, the unicorn thought for what seemed like five minutes, leaving Adaptive waiting on bated breath.

"I find it kinda funny, these authors tend to not dive into the character mindsets too often, instead focusing on the larger picture. I often times can't really get into a story cause I can't relate to the characters. Like this one, it tells of an astronaut traversing the stars, fighting alien life and saving civilizations, but it barely talks about what he's like behind the scenes. The emotions he goes through, missing his home planet, taking lives, even if they are evil, how he handles things."

Stopping for a moment, he levitated the book back to the shelf and closed it, placing it among the other copies there. Picking up the next novel, he continued his talk.

"It's something I feel should be diagnosed, it'd help build the character. You know what I mean?" Turning to Adaptive, he was waiting for reassurance.

"Oh... yeah, of course. I mean, I understand what you're getting at. You'd like the authors to pay more attention to the characters, not the plot lines as much, or to incorporate the character development into the plot lines." Nodding, the fedora on his head slid over his eyes a bit, to be reseated with a quick glow of teal.

"Exactly. That's how I want to write." He put the book back and headed past Adaptive, heading for the door. "You coming?" Calling back behind him, Adaptive quickly trotted up behind him.

They headed out the store, the latter trailing lightly behind. He didn't question where they were going till he had a decent idea. He thought they may have been headed for the cities public library at first until they passed it. Then they passed the college. Adaptive didn't know where they were going.

"Hey... um, where are we going exactly?" Asking out ahead of him, he jogged up beside the stallion, glancing his form up and down as he did. He couldn't help but stare at his acquaintance's cutie mark. A wizard helm over a gold bind book with a wand casting some sort of spell behind it all. Rather complex. Adaptive wondered if his would be as elaborate as his friend's.

"Oh, right, I should've told you. We're headed for a place I like to go to work. A little apartment on the end of town. It's nothing fancy, but I know the owner, and since no one's moved in, or even tried to move in, she lets me use it a base of operations of sorts." Turning his head, he looked Adaptive in the eyes. "By the way, my name's Words."

'Words huh? That's fitting. Words... I like that.' Not paying attention to where he was going, Adaptive let his mind wander.  A smile came across his face as he was thinking up little scenarios that he could be part of with Words. While his mind traversed, so did his body, inattentively.

"Whoa!!"

Feeling a force come across his chest, Adaptive was stopped in his tracks right before stepping into the street and presumably getting run over by a speeding mail carrier. Who ever they were headed for, they were in a bit of a hurry. Luckily though, he looked over and seen that his friend had stopped him with his hoof. Not his magic, or just telling him 'Look out!' but had actually stopped him from getting hurt.

In a second his fragile form could've been wrecked, broken, or worse. But Words saved him. Kept the pain away. Something he wasn't really accustomed to. It was nice. Adaptive wanted to be kept safe more.

"T-Thanks..." Adaptive shyly hid his face, his cheeks most likely a deep shade of purple now, red under his blue coat.

"Don't mention it, just be more careful next time. Alright?" Words looked him directly in the eyes, mesmerizing him. He couldn't look away. 'His eye's... they look so beautiful right now.' He just stared into them. Not wanting to look away. Letting himself stare for too long, he broke his gaze and replied.

"Y-Yeah, I will." Fidgeting his front right hoof around, he stared at the ground like a scolded child. Pushing a pebble around to keep himself from looking over at Words. He was afraid of what he'd see. Maybe he'd be kind and take him under his hoof and tell him it's alright, that he'd protect him. Or maybe he scold him and call him a coward. Instead, when he looked back at him, all he saw was a blank, uninterested expression. Not what he had expected.

"Alright then..." Words turned his attention to the building ahead of them. A old style apartment complex with one main entrance and a basement entrance. Four stories high, it was with equal height to the buildings around it. Nothing really special about it, except it was there destination. "Here we are, let's head inside, it's starting to get dark. And trust me, you don't wanna hang around this area after dark. It's not a good idea."

"K." Following him to the main door, Adaptive watched as his friend levitated a key from his saddlebags and unlocked the front door. Held open for him, he traveled inside the antique building, waiting for Words to lead the way again.

"My apartment's just up a few flights of stairs. It's a nice place. It functions as a pretty decent workspace so hopefully we'll get alot done." He headed up the sets of stairs, Adaptive trailing behind as he went. They traveled down a hall to a door numbered '24' before Words pulled out a second key and let them in.

"Here we are. Home sweet home, well, if a workshop in a musty apartment is home that is." Inside the room, Adaptive could see a desk pinned up against the far wall, littered with normal items you'd find on ones workplace. A lamp, pens, paper, a few folders, just the basics. Aside from the desk there was a couch made of an old grey material and a two doors that led to other rooms. Probably the kitchen and the bedroom he assumed.

The walls inside the apartment were blank and boring, aside from a few paint chips and some stains. At the end of the couch closest to the desk, a small coffee table sat. The place wasn't anything too special or memorable, but he liked it. Like Words had said, this space would function well as a office.

"I like it, it's very... direct, I guess is what I'd call it. It's like you know you only come here to work so nothing unneeded is cluttering the area." Adaptive came in and closed the door behind him. "Hey, do you want the door locked?"

"Yeah, that'd probably be for the best. I don't really trust the patrons of this building." After that, Words set his saddlebags by his desk and headed to the door on the left. "You hungry? I haven't eaten yet tonight and figured I should check and see if you have."

"No, I'm fine. Thanks for the offer though." Locking the door, Adaptive walked over to the couch and laid down towards the desk area. "Actually, some water would be nice. If that's okay." Eying his surroundings, he waited for him to come back from the kitchen.

"Yeah, sure thing." Ahead of him, Words floated two glasses and a plate out. One glass of water and the other Adaptive assumed was juice, along with a sandwich. He set the Adaptive's glass on the coffee table before kneeling in front of his desk and placing his own nourishment off to the side.

"So, I have that story I told you about almost finished. I just need a editor, you in this case, to glance it over for me." Words hovered the stack of papers over to him and set them down on the table next to his glass. "Hey, and thanks for coming over to do this as well. I really appreciate the help."

"'Course, no problem bud. I need something to keep me occupied anyways. Figure, I do this and at least I'm helping someone out." He glanced down at the story and started reading through the first page or so. "Hey, do you have a pen or highlighter or something I could mark mistakes with?"

"Oh, yeah, sorry, forgot about that. Here you go." Words passed a yellow highlighter from atop his desk to him and set it beside the papers. "Let me know whenever you finish up editing that for me, I'm going to work on a different project for school while you do that."

"K." With that, the two went to work. Adaptive found all the errors he could and made notes on changes he felt should be made, and Words did research and wrote notes on his own papers. The time passed and what had remained of day had slowly given in to the night. Neither noticed till Adaptive had finished his work and had looked outside to see just how late it was.

"So, I finished editing your story for you and all, but I was wondering... um, what's the plan for tonight?" Nervously, he hadn't liked asking. Adaptive had wanted to simply stay the night, he didn't like to travel at night, but he wasn't sure if it was gonna be okay for him to stay.

"What do you mean?" Words turned to him with a curious gaze upon his face. The looked in his eye showed he didn't pick up on what he had meant with the question.

"I mean like um... well, I don't know if you want me to leave, or just crash on the couch or what." He tried to give a bit of a weak smile, thinking it might help his chances of staying. Even in the slightest. But his eyes couldn't look at him, he was too scared to see his reaction to the request.

"Oh, I don't mean to be a rude host or anything, but I figured you'd go home for the night once we were done working. Did you have other plans?" His soft voice wasn't being harsh with Adaptive, but it had a sort of forceful undertone, like he wanted him to leave, though he wouldn't force him.

"No, no it's, well it's fine. I'll walk home." Taking his leave, Adaptive sat the highlighter on the coffee table and headed for the door. He felt himself start to choke up, like he'd been rejected or something. "I'll..." His voice was much higher than usual so he took a second to calm himself down, "I'll talk to you later." He opened the door and started to make his way out before being stopped by Words' gentle voice.

"Hold on." A teal glow cased over the door and started to close, forcing Adaptive back inside. "You alright, just a minute ago you were fine, now what's up?" Coming over beside him, Words tried to put a hoof on his shoulder, but he shook him off.

"I'm fine, really, just... got a lot going through my mind, you know?" Adaptive's eyes had begun to tear up. 'No dammit, don't cry. I can't look like a pansy in front of him. He'll never like me if he thinks I'm some sort of super emotional freak.' Opening the door again, he avoided looking at his friend as he quickly stepped out the door. Calling back behind him, he stated "Hey, I'll see you at the store again soon. K?"

"Yeah, okay. Are you sure you're alright? If you have something you wanna talk about, I'm more than willing to try and help you through it." Words had stepped into the door way and was watching as he walked down the hall.

"Yeah, I'm okay, I'll see you later." With that, Adaptive turned the corner to head down the stairs and disappeared out of view of Words. Getting to the front exit, he sat beside the door, arguing in his mind if he'd messed up.

'Why'd I have to do that? Why'd I have to go and make things awkward? We were getting along great and now he's gonna think I'm some kind of weirdo. I just... I just really want him to like me, yet I do stuff like that. I'm such a fool.' The tears streamed down his face as he put in perspective just how stupid he must've looked.

Ten minutes went by before he got up again. He wiped the tears away and tried not to think about what he did. But he couldn't, the entire trip home across town, all he could think about was how much he wanted Words to like him and how he probably ruined it today.

Once arriving home, Adaptive went straight to his room and laid down, crying again. Staining his pillow till he eventually just passed out. That night though, his dreams only made it worse. Nightmares haunted him as he slept, piercing his poor psyche with images of rejection, abandonment, and loneliness.

Waking early in the morning, Adaptive didn't leave his bed for some time. He just laid there like a pitiful child. So afraid of the day, of showing up at the store and Words not being there, or ever going there again. Needing to calm himself down before he cried again, he got up and took a shower hoping that would help.

While showering, he tried to break everything that happened last night down, examining every little aspect to try and see how foolish he had looked. He did eventually come to the conclusion he was blowing things out of proportion. 'That night hadn't gone that bad,' he told himself. 'I bet he'll be waiting for me at the store today, he'll probably ask what happened yesterday. But I can't tell him I like him, not yet. I'd just drive him away if he doesn't already like me. I need to wait.'

Half an hour past midday, Adaptive headed back to the bookstore like he had the previous day. Traveling through the door, he seen the same cashier as always standing behind the desk. She smiled at him, and he smiled back. Walking over, he wanted to ask if he had been here already, maybe looking for him.

"Um, by chance, did my friend drop by at all today? I told him I'd see him here again sometime." She shook her head no. "Well, maybe he'll drop by sometime today. Is it okay if I just hang around and read some of the magazines in case he shows up?"

"Yeah, of course. Would you like a pad or something to sit on while you wait?" She reached down and pulled a sitting pillow from under her cash register and sat it on the counter.

"Sure, and thanks." He gave her a gentle smile before taking the seat near the back of the store in one of the more open places, hopefully avoiding getting in the way of others using the store. He grabbed a stack of various magazines and started to read through some as the day slowly drifted away.

At first, he was confident Words would show up. Thinking there was no way he wouldn't. That, as his friend, he mattered too much to not show. But as the hours slowly went by, his stack of magazines, which had been dwindling down, came to a halt. He couldn't read thinking he wasn't going to show up.

'How could he not show up? I really need him here. I want him here now. If only I'd have stayed last night and explained myself, he might've understood and maybe liked me back.' Realizing that he was working himself up again, Adaptive tried to calm himself down. 'Come on Adaptive, snap out of it. He's just a friend. Nothing more, but also nothing less. Be positive. He'll show up, just not today. Maybe he got sidetracked with his school work or something. Just avoid thinking about him.

It had started to work, but it was too late. Once he felt himself start to cry, he'd never been able to avoid it. Even in school, he'd always go hide in a bathroom stall so people wouldn't see him. It was something he knew was going to happen and so he did his best to steer clear of others when he was like this.

Feeling himself start to choke up again, he gathered the items lent to him by the cashier and headed back to the front. She was in the other room, so he just placed the pad on the desk and put the magazines away before silently taking his leave.

Not wanting to be seen crying in public, he just hurried home and went back to his room. The rest of the night went almost the same as the last, but this time he wasn't haunted by nightmares of rejection, instead, he didn't dream at all. Or at least he didn't remember any of them.

'A Lonely Chance'

Words'A Lonely Chance'

A singular moment of idiocy had wrecked the previous few days, possibly permanently. It was something he'd done in the past, but he still could never get over how much it hurt. Knowing his own stupidity may have ruined his first real chance for a friend since his days in school.

If he did see Words again, he'd have to make it up, do his best to fix the problem he created. Or less his luck run dry and his new friend say enough. Making a pact with himself, he wanted to do whatever it took to make this stallion pleased with him, make him want him around.

He was running out of opportunities, in his eyes, he viewed this as one of his last, or possibly the last chance. It was lonesome and had to keep cooing the flame or it may simply fade away if he were not careful. Thus the light of hope for him would die off again and he'd be forced to restart all over. It was a lonely little chance, but he'd take what he could get, and though the odds were low, he'd bet all he had if it meant happiness.

Beginning the day kinda feeling okay, Adaptive just went about business as usual. Went out in the morning and tried to find some work, unsuccessfully. Searched around bargain stores for some food, ending up with ramen noodles like usual and headed home.

He spent the large majority of the morning keeping his mind off of Words or anything that reminded him of Words. He didn't wanna break down when he was job hunting or going to get something to eat. That would be really embarrassing to him.

After cooking his lunch, he cleaned himself up and headed back down to the store, hoping maybe he'd find Words there today. Though he wanted to see him again, he tried to keep him mind occupied on the way there, Adaptive started thinking up little stories. Even deciding he would write one sometime.

Arriving at the store, he came in and seen the almost permanent cashier standing behind the counter once again.

"Do you ever leave? I see you working here everyday." Giving a small chuckle, he walked over to her. Smiling, he was happy to see her again, like she had now become familiar to him.

"I'd like to!!" She laughed a bit as he came over. "But alas, I own this fine establishment," A bit of kind sarcasm rolled of her tongue with the word 'fine'. "and I'm the only employee as well. So, you know, kinda stuck here and all." Adaptive thought for a moment, maybe she'd hire him. He needed the job and by the looks of it, she'd like some free time.

"Hey, well, if you ever need any help, I'm available to work for you if you want. I'd like to help. I mean, if you want that is." Nervously waiting to see what she'd say, he looked at her with his best puppy dog eyes he could muster. Thinking for a moment, a smile came across her face.

"Actually, yeah, I saw how well you arranged all your magazines you were reading yesterday and it'd be nice to have some time for myself." She smiled at him, right before she looked like remembered something. "Oh, also, did you meet your friend yesterday? He came in just before we closed last night looking for you."

"He did?" Adaptive was surprised he'd shown up. 'I should've stayed longer yesterday. I knew he'd show. I just wasn't patient enough.' "I guess I didn't hang around long enough." Turning away from her, Adaptive looked at the door as if to see if Words had walked through or something. "I should probably talk to him sometime today."

"Yeah, he said he'd be back tonight sometime. Not exactly sure when, but nevertheless today eventually. Regardless..." She reached down and pulled a form from her drawer of items. "Here, fill this out for me and you can start tomorrow. Though I'll warn you, I can only pay minimum wage since I just opened up. I don't have much extra revenue to spend."

"Right, that's okay. It'll be nice to just have a consistent job finally though. Thank you." Grabbing a pen, he began to write his information down on the form for her. It didn't take long before he was done and slid it over to her. Glancing it over, she turned to him.

"K, everything looks in order. I'll see you tomorrow at eight alright? I'll teach you everything about this place. If you don't know everything already, hangin' around here day after day." Taking the form and sliding it into a spot under some other forms. "Oh, wait, you're waiting here till your friend arrives anyways aren't you?"

"Yeah, if that's okay." Adaptive turned to stare at the door again, hoping his eyes could make the stallion appear. No such luck, but he tried valiantly anyways. Thinking for a second, he really was thirsty. He wanted to run for a bottle of water really quickly. "I think I'll just go get some fresh air actually. Let him know I'll be back in a second if he shows up alright? I'll only be gone a minute."

"Oh, okay. I will let him know." Heading out the door, the blue colt headed to the nearest convenience store he knew, a little 'Mom and Pops' type shop just two blocks down. Entering, he found what he wanted, a simple bottle of water and paid. Almost chugging the whole bottle in one go, he threw the barely full container in the nearest recycling bin and took off back to the store.

Little under ten minutes had passed before he got back, but Adaptive returned to find his stallion friend at the counter talking to his new employer. They looked like they were amidst a rather involving conversation. Not wanting to interrupt, he quietly placed himself next to the door. A few minutes passed before either noticed his presence.

"Oh, hey there he is, we were just talking about you!" His boss turned to him, waving a hoof. "Come over here and talk for a second." Words had turned to him, a gentle smile planted on his face. He had his saddlebags again, but this time they appeared fuller than usual.

"You guys were talking about me?" He cautiously stepped over next to his grey unicorn pal, curious as to what they had been discussing about him. 'Maybe they were just talking about me getting hired here. Or maybe he had asked her if she knew what was wrong with him the other night.' Adaptive didn't really want to know now, but he knew he'd find out.

"Eh, it was nothing," Words started off, only to be interrupted by the mare across the counter raising a hoof in protest. He shot the clerk a stern look and a bit of a stare before turning back to Adaptive. "I'll tell him later. For now, we've got work to do, you and I."

With that, the stallion pulled Adaptive by the neck towards the door. Leading him, the blue colt tried to turn and say goodbye to his new employer, but only managed a quite, 'See ya'' before being taken out of the store, almost roughly. Once outside, Words let go, but kept going, heading in the direction of his apartment once again.

"Hey, what was that about?! Just dragging me out of the store like that was kinda rude, so why'd you do it?" Adaptive aggressively caught up to him, trying to not feel weak. He'd just been made someone's possession in front of his employer, and strangely enough, it felt okay. Like, he liked how Words handled him.

"Just calm down, I'll explain 'that' once we get back to my place, alright? Be patient." He hadn't turned around, nor had he displayed any real emotion, he merely walked onward. Leading the way. Adaptive admired how he was so direct about everything, it was something he couldn't do. He'd always either shied away, or given any sort of leadership role to someone else. It was something he wasn't particularly proud of, but he couldn't help it.

Following along, Adaptive stayed quite till his curiosity got the better of him. They had reached just a few blocks from Words' apartment, but he just had to ask what they had talked about, if only to break the silence that had stayed over them the way there.

"So... I know you said you'll explain it when we get to the studio, but can I ask... what was going on back there?" Stopping, Words slowly turned his gaze on Adaptive, as if to say 'I'll tell you, just not now.'. Thoughts ran through his eyes before turned again, looking up and down the streets. They were surprisingly empty for the time, it wasn't even night time yet.

Taking a second longer to debate what he wanted to say, Words waved a hoof for him to continue following him. But instead of leading him towards his place again, he took Adaptive to a nearby alleyway. Thoughts of fear ran through his mind at first, his paranoia kicking in, but he knew if he wanted Words to like him, he had to trust him. He followed him into the dark alley, stepping past Words only to be quickly swung around, staring into Words' dark, almost angry eyes.

Adaptive was struck dumb for a second, only for his ignorance to be replaced by fear, the look on his face becoming rather displaying of his emotions. Taking notice, Words lightened up. His eyes went soft and he lightly placed a hoof on the blue colt's shoulder before tilting his head down.

"Look, understand I'm not angry but..." He raised his eyeline to Adaptive's showing he had no intention of scaring him further. "What happened yesterday? You were fine, then as soon as I mentioned you needing to go home you flipped out. I don't know what's up, but you can tell me. Is it trouble at home, family, what bud? You're my friend now, and know I've nothing against you, but I need to know to help. Okay?"

Adaptive quickly tried to think of some excuse, anything to keep from telling him he liked him. He didn't want him to find out like this, not when sympathy was why he was asking. It'd make him look weak, like a foal, but all he could think of was lies, or things he didn't want to tell Words. He didn't know what to do.

Lifting Words' hoof from his shoulder, he sat back against the nearby wall, looking away. The tears he'd been trying to suppress had started to build up before lightly running down his cheek, splashing on the cold hard ground below. He didn't say anything, just sat there and quietly cried for a minute as his friend waited patiently.

"Come on, whatever it is, I promise not to judge, you just have to tell me. I can't do anything about it if you don't." The grey unicorn gently sat his saddlebags down and seated himself next to the crying blue earth pony. Adaptive turned away, wiping the tears from his eyes.

"It's just... I... I don't know what to say." He sat there, contemplating what he should say. Words waited while he thought for a moment. After a while, he finally spoke to his stallion friend. "I... I didn't want to tell you this, heh, I'd kinda hoped you'd pick up on it on your own actually." Adaptive turned and looked into the greenish blue eyes watching him. "I'm gay."

Words' expression dropped from a veil of concern over his friends well being, to a look of question. Like, he was re-evaluating what he knew of the earth pony across from him. Taking a second to dwell, he looked away and spoke.

"So... you're gay? This is what this is all about, you fancy me and you've been scared to say it?" His tone was cautious, he didn't want Adaptive jumping the gun. He didn't want the blue stallion to think he was saying that he in turn liked him.

"Y-Yeah..." The emotions running through him were putting him in a state of fear, he didn't want to hear Words' response. The thought of being rejected... it hurt him. He hadn't wanted to tell him. He'd just wanted it to happen, and if it didn't. Then he still wanted to be friends. This though, this could cause conflict. Words may not want to be around him anymore now. "I... I don't know what that means to you, but, I really like you."

Tilting his head back, Words breathed heavily. Running through how he would handle this news. Not knowing what to do, he just thought for a minute. Letting out a audible sigh, the unicorn turned to his friend, looking him caringly in his eyes.

"Listen, we're friends, that's not changing. You obviously need this relationship and I won't take that away. BUT, I'm not attracted to you." In an instant, Adaptive's heart sank, the tears coming back once again. Taking notice, Words placed a hoof on his should and kept on. "Understand, I'm not attracted to you now, but I've never claimed myself exclusively gay or straight, and who knows, someday down the line, I may change. Just not right now, okay?"

The sad little earth pony just lowered his head and tried to keep from looking over at him. He didn't want any of this, he didn't want to tell him, nor did he wanna hear Words' answer. It was what he had feared. Rejection. Adaptive wasn't exactly a stranger, but he also didn't like it either. It made him hurt.

"Just... why? What's so bad about me you can't like me? I just want a chance Words, I'm not asking for marriage, or to fall in love, I... I just want to be given an opportunity. That's all. Can't I have that?" Adaptive looked at the stallion beside him, his face filled with anguish. The unicorn, unsure of what he himself wanted, just looked away. Letting time pass.

After figuring out he wasn't about to say yes, Adaptive chuckled sadly to himself.

"I'm a fool, an idiot. To think I could actually be attractive enough for someone like you to give me a chance. I've been hurting myself, you know? I've been letting my daydreams corrupt my reality. I made myself believe you would give me a shot. I gave myself hope," Adaptive looked away, unsure of what he wanted to say next. "...and yes, maybe it's a little selfish to assume something like that, just blatantly opening up to you, would work, but I want so badly for you to care."

Words' head shot up at the last sentence, he looked like he'd been insulted almost. Like Adaptive had just questioned his willingness to care about another pony, him in particular.

"I do care, really I do. But I'm not going to force myself to lie to you, in hopes it'll work out. It wouldn't be fair. If I didn't like you, and I let you in, made you my boyfriend. Then well, I'd be forced to hurt you, to abandon you. And I'm not sure I'd be able to be friends with you afterward. It... it just wouldn't work. This, staying separate, it's the only way to guarantee our friendship. I want that more."

Forehooves encompassing his head, Adaptive was struggling to keep from bawling. He'd opened up, not that he wanted, but he did, and now he's being told it won't happen. That his dreams should be forgotten until Words thinks it's the right time, not when he thinks so. It wasn't fair to him.

"Listen, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I don't have feelings for you. If I did, well this whole scenario would be so much easier to handle. But I don't, not now at least. I'm just trying to set you down gently. I don't want you to hurt, I can tell you've already dealt with alot of that in your time. I know it's not easy. I'm not going to pretend it would be. And I understand how you could be attracted to me. I get that. Just, please... accept what I'm saying."

He didn't want to hear it. It hurt. Adaptive didn't want to give up. He wanted to keep asking, to keep trying, but he couldn't. Love and care doesn't work that way. Either a pony has feelings or they don't. It's not exactly black and white, but the shades of gray are limited. There's only so much he could do, Words would have to change on his own.

So, he accepted.

Adaptive accepted that he would have to wait, to be patient. Or risk losing his closest friend. Even if he hadn't had him around before for too long, he needed Words now. If it was just as his friend though.

"Okay... okay, we'll just be friends. But please, keep my feelings in mind. I... I still want a chance, but I need you as a friend more. Alright Words?" The tear ridden face of the blue pony looked the unicorn in the eyes, the gaze weakly staring into his.

"Okay, we'll be friends. Now come on, we've got work to do." Standing, he extended a hoof. Pausing for a moment, Adaptive took his gesture and got to his hooves. He wiped his face of the dried tears and dusted himself off, trying to make himself smile. Weakly, just to show Words he was okay.

Even if it was a lie.

'Stories of Madness'

Words'Stories of Madness'

The tales told to them as young ones, they bring about the monsters, the darkness, the battles, and the victories. They don't mention what the heroes dealt with after the curtains fell. Refusing to shed light on the broken psyches and shattered memories that haunt the victors. These stories brought false hope and dreams to those who had yet to experience the harsh reality that is their life.

Sure, some dealt just fine, other flourished and enjoyed prosperous, happy lives. But others, alot of the others weren't so lucky, plagued by failure, withering and shaky self confidence, depression. These issues were more or less ignored by the general population, kept to themselves about their heartache.

Every so often though, some would go what others called 'mad'. Insane, they'd lose their minds and begin behaving in a variety of inappropriate ways. The truth though was they were the ones who had freed themselves. They stopped caring, stopped trying to deal. The harsh reality was, it was the quiet ones, the ones who didn't open up or express themselves, they are the truly 'mad'.

A few weeks had gone by since the night in the alley. Adaptive had more or less come to terms with his reality. Understanding didn't make it any easier though. His pain, a want not shared, it was making him sick. Sleep had fleeted him in recent days and it showed.

His almost pale expression clearly indicated some trauma, but no one pony cared to ask. Except... Words, but he already knew the answer. The only one.

For all that was Adaptive's, he'd trade it all for just his love. Even if it was forced, even if it was doomed from the start. No chance of any actual intimacy from Words. The reality for Adaptive was that he had placed everything he ever wanted on this blank slate, not Words. This idea of Words, and what he could be, that's what saddened him.

Unable to show his emotions with anypony though, he bottled it all up. Each passing day making him more and more anxious. More and more angry. He couldn't talk to Words about it. It wasn't his place, nor would it be fair. Having no other friends though meant he had to pretend. Pretend he was okay.

Laying in bed, the blue pony looked around. The light of the morning sun burning through the gaps in his curtains. His eyes fixated on the floating dust particles, illuminated by the rays. They appeared so small, yet diverse. Interconnected between each other in an unspoken language.

Envious, he couldn't help but think what it would be like to experience that. The idea of connection with others quickly being eclipsed by his memories of Words. The pony he desired most. For him, Words was the light, not the one of the unidentifiable dusts, but the actual source of visualization.

Getting himself off his side and to his hooves, he cleaned himself up. Despite his rejection, Adaptive didn't stop dolling himself up. He wanted to look good for him everyday, incase he suddenly notices. That, and his recently acquired job kinda demanded he looked nice.

Satisfied with his appearance, he headed downtown. Having a few hours before the store opened, he had time to wander and think. Not necessarily the best thing for him though, he always came to the same subject.

"What's wrong? What have I or haven't I done? All I want is to be his, to belong to a pony who cares. Why won't he give me this? He knows he can have me, so why not?..."

Wandering hollowly, he kept on. His thoughts sped, while his body carried him. Before he knew it, the sun had risen and he was near Words' off campus apartment. Wanting to see him, all he wanted to do was rush in, ask him to reconsider his feelings. But he had to be to work soon. That's what he told himself atleast.

Turning to head back, he heard the familiar emotionless tone he'd come to crave coming from behind him.

"Hey, haven't seen you in a while."

Adaptive knew he must atleast say hi, he couldn't run away. Not like he always did.

Trying to be as happy and nice as he could, the earth pony faced his crush. Looking ever so regal as always, the unicorn stared more or less blankly at him, awaiting a reply. In his mind, Adaptive thought that even if he didn't say anything, if he just walked away, Words wouldn't care. Not actually, but he'd pretend. And he wanted that. But he wouldn't do that to him. He wouldn't force him to care.

"Oh, I... I've been kinda... busy lately I guess. Sorry." The slight tremble in his tone, for which he could not control, told both Words and himself he was lying, but the unicorn wouldn't say anything. Bringing up unpleasant subjects right away, no matter how much they needed addressing, wasn't something he wished to do.

The stallion across from Adaptive knew he had been avoiding him as of late. It was something he wished to avoid in conversation though, he really didn't wanna make his friend sad, but even more so he didn't wanna deal with the reason why he'd avoided him.

"Alright then, so what's on the agenda today? Are you working at the book store?" Pulling the blue pony with him, they turned and headed back towards the downtown district. Hesitant to answer, Adaptive just walked lethargically beside him, a realized look of sadness hidden under his down turned hat. Taking notice, knowing exactly what Adaptive wanted, Words changed the topic.

"Do you have time for lunch today? I want to talk to you about something." Words traveled slowly beside him, making sure Adaptive could keep pace in his saddened state. Words wanted to see his face, to see if he had solicited any reaction from his friend, but he hid his expression under his ballcap.

"No... I've work today... It's more important. My job." Adaptive held a cold tone, but he was angry. He wanted the impossible and Words taunted it infront of him. Making statements like he wanted to talk about something, getting his hopes up, just to be let down. It wasn't fair. It was something he could never have. Not truly.

"Oh, okay then. I understand, you need to work. We'll just talk some other time." The next few blocks were spent in silence, the pair trying not to cause any conflict, but one was mad. So very mad. Adaptive wanted to scream, he wanted to slam his hooves to the cold hard stone beneath them and tell him off, make Words tell him why he did this. Why he teased him. It wasn't fair.

A few blocks down the street laid the book store and he hadn't cooled off. If he could get through work without snapping he'd be impressed. But first, he needed to get away from his unicorn traveler. Words had stopped for a moment, the cool morning air rushing past them on the nearly empty street before they separated.

"Hey... I've got another story al-" Words had been cut off.

"You know what! Why can't you just see things from my point! I don't care about your stories!" Standing there, tears brewing under his glossy eyes, he realized he messed up. The moment he snapped, he lost it. Having tried to just deal with it, he couldn't. A shocked, almost angry expression took over Words' face.

"Well... I mean, I do. I-I do care, it's just..." The crying earth pony stepped back, his head down, once again afraid to look. This time though, he was wise not to.

"You just WHAT!?" Words stepped forward, getting close. He pushed the weaker pony to the nearby wall behind him. Right in his face, he went off on him. Attacking everything that was wrong with them. "You think you want me!? You-you-you, that's all you think about! You think you care about me? You barely know me! We've seen each other seriously ten times, five of which were just for lunch together. Even if we were dating, that's not enough time to truly care! Stop it! Just STOP! Alright?"

Words just stood there, watching the immature little pony weep. That's all he ever did when things got tough, he cried. It was how he coped, how he always coped. He never got stronger, never got smarter, he just... cried.

A minute went by with them just maintaining themselves, Words watched, Adaptive bawled. Any passerby's just walked past, ignoring the obvious domestic dispute before them. Adaptive tried to stop, to gain his composure. Getting to a atleast audible state, he looked Words in the eyes, a plea in his expression.

"Just... Just give me a chance... please?" That's all he wanted, all he ever wanted. Or that's what he told himself. It might justify his actions if he reasoned this, he thought.

"No Adaptive, not now. No." Words turned and headed down the street, making his way towards the college. Leaving Adaptive to return to his tears. The brutal coldness of the unicorn's tone resonated in his mind. Upon reaching the end of the block, he stopped. Contemplating his actions, his words.

"Adaptive... what I wanted to talk about today, if we had gone to lunch, I was going to tell you I've decided. I can't lead you on anymore. I've tried and I can't find you attractive. I'm sorry."

"Why? What's wrong with me? I'll do ANYTHING to change for you. Is it cause I'm a guy? I'll change, I'll start dressing like a mare, I'll talk like one. I'll slim my figure-"

"It's nothing physical!" Words stopped for a moment, turning back to him. Looking him over, looking him in the eyes. "Well, I mean, it could be partly cause of that. I do find females more attractive physically, but it's more than that. We're not compatible, emotionally. You want dependability, you want me to take care of you, someone to be the breadwinner. I on the other hoof, I want somepony who could handle themselves. I don't wanna take care of anyone. I want a challenge, someone to make me strive to be better than them, for them. You're not that. I can't see us being together. Understand?"

Adaptive contemplated. He wasn't what he wanted, he never could be. He wasn't smart enough to challenge him, to push him. Unable to handle this, he snapped again. Thinking it was so simple as just a physical thing, he wasn't ready for a definitive no.

"Fine then! You don't want me around?! No one wants me around?! I'll just leave! You'll never have to deal with me again!" Adaptive took off past the still, grey pony of his affection. He cared not if Words followed, nor of his job. His emotions ran wild within him.

So angry, so sad. The idea that the only pony he cared about was not even willing to give him a chance, he wanted it to go away. All of it to go away. The confusion was all he knew. So many things he could've done differently, they could have made Words love him. Somehow.

Reaching his apartment, he hid away under his covers. He began going over his options. The idea of getting by without him wasn't something he could bare. The only things that seemed real were leaving, going off somewhere to die, maybe just in his home, or trying again.

'No, he'd never give me another chance. He hates me. No pony who cares about another lets them run off after saying they were leaving forever. He doesn't care. He never has. Why did I have to fall for such a bastard. I'll do anything he wants, no matter how difficult, just to be with him and he doesn't care. Doesn't SEE a connection. Fucking bastard.'

Adaptive's rage made him want to hit something. He'd hadn't wanted to cause any harm to any other pony in a long, long time, and Words had changed that. The earth pony didn't wanna hurt Words, but he wanted something to hurt. To feel his pain as well.

Instead he just started weeping unto his self once more. Slamming his hoof into the bed, the material doing nothing to accommodate his state. Nothing went away, none of the anger, none of the sadness. Nothing changed.

'I can't handle this. I need something. I need a release.'

He stood up out of bed, scanning his room for anything. Looking for something to make it go away. Anything. Opening his bedside table, he found something. An old knife he kept for defense purposes. Today, it held a different purpose for him. He would use it to make things go away.

It's all he could do. He had control of this. The only thing he still had control of. Sitting on the floor at the end of his bed, he knocked his cap off. His rainbow hair falling over his eyes, the water filter blurring his vision with pure color. Raising the blade with trembling hooves, he aligned the tip under his rib closest to his heart.

'To hear your voice. Nevermore.'

A knock on the door outside stopped him.

"Listen, I know you can hear me through the door." It was Words, he had followed him back. It was probably out of guilt, but none the less he had. Setting the knife on the floor, Adaptive listened. "Don't do anything irrational. I understand you're upset. You apparently only want one thing. And I'm truly sorry I can't love you, but I can still be your friend. I WANT to be your friend. If you open up the door, I can try and help you. Just...".

An agonizing minute passed, fears and hopes flashing before them both. One wanting peace, the other love. One could not be achieved if the wake of the other. Not truly.

"Let me in."

'Read Through'

Words'Read Through'

In the absence of self identity, one must reevaluate their own existence. They must read through what they know, what they don't know, what could be, and what will not. It will drive anyone to understanding or madness, often times both. For if they grasp the true concept of what is, then and only then will they know who they truly are.

Outside, somewhere, the only pony who ever really mattered waited. Waiting for a confirmation. The cryptic silence assuring nothing, telling only that which was already known. That he didn't know. He was not sure. His enigma sending only confusion. Creating a sense of dread, that the worst could be true.

Hooves plainly lain against the door, having hung silently for a decision. His own heavy. Heavy and weary of the long, withdrawn breath. Bated for which he could not stand. His answer guaranteeing the only thing he could not honestly believe. The cold, brisk air only outclassed by the state of his heart.

'I can not understand. Please... forgive me.'

"Let me in."

Adaptive slowly stood to his hooves, dragging himself to the voice, separated by wood and wall, heart and mind. Carefully, he pressed the handle down, unlocking his apartment. Letting once more the unicorn enter. He stepped back, making sure to kick the knife under his bed. Having not wanted to stop, but not wanting to outright hurt Words, he had no choice.

A push of the door and the familiar facial features and feather crowned fedora slid inside. His form cautious, taking his time entering and closing the door behind him. Upon hearing the singular click of the lock, the blue hat that for so long completed his form was levitated and placed to the side, along with his saddlebags.

Adaptive deserved every courtesy from him, that much was true. He was his friend, but he was hurt. Words wished to do all he could to help him, but he couldn't give him what he wished for. No one could. Instead, he would try to comfort. Withholding any aggressive or quick behavior, Words came close to Adaptive. Ever so gently, he silently urged him to lay down, hoping it would make things easier for the both of them.

"Mind if I sit with you?" His tone, much nicer than earlier, or than usual, felt warm to Adaptive. He liked it. To have that, but forever and always, that's what he wished for. Although reluctant, a shutter of hope overcame him. The idea that the whole ordeal outside may have changed him, made Words view him as something worth having, it consumed him. It terrified him. But he agreed.

A nod of his head, Words had seated himself close to the blue grief stricken pony. He watched Adaptive, the latter's rainbow hair and askew angle kept him from seeing his tear stricken face clearly. Preventing the knowledge that he had inadvertently caused this pain, brought about so much sorrow for him.

"How can somepony so vibrant in form be so melancholic? Adaptive, you're so strong for what you've endured. I have not even come close to having had to deal with even some off the stuff you've endured since I've met you. Severe financial difficulties, you're emotional state towards me. Facing a forced rejection, one of which I brought about. I'm sorry for that. Truly."

Adaptive didn't move, his form showed no reaction. His mind raced, wanting to yell, scream, beg, plead, cry, and so much more, but he didn't. He just waited. Collecting himself. Words' sentiment wasn't what he wanted, atleast in the grand scheme, but for now, he liked it. Being treated like somepony. It was making him happy.

"Listen, talk to me and I'll do my best to help, you just need to explain. Tell me why you're like this, why you want me, why you still chase what you can't have. I need to know... I need to know to help you." Words stared at the side of his face, Adaptive's jaw hanging slightly agape, his eyes shifted back and forth, contemplating what to say, what to do. With a swallow, he turned to Words. Unaware of how to handle himself, but willing to try.

"I... I was abused. Growing up." Words' face became concerned, although not totally alarmed, as he had suspected foul play for him. No one grew up peacefully and became as attached as him as quickly. "I had a... I had a um..." Adaptive didn't wish to, but he would have to tell him his past. Of how he was treated.

"I had a um... step-dad type person in my life, like he wasn't um... well related or anything, but he dated my mom." Adaptive began to slightly shake, had they not been sitting next to one another so closely Words wouldn't have noticed. "H-He... he..." Each word making him tremor more violently. This admission was physically hurting him.

"Hey, if you're not up for this,-" Words gently placed a leg around him, pulling him close. Using his magic, he wrapped them in his blanket, sealing them together inside. The bright glow of his horn being the only light underneath the cover of the soft cloth. Wanting to help him stay calm. The warmth did help slightly, so did the glow. Adaptive stopped shaking as roughly. Cherishing it, he never wanted to leave Words' grasp.

"N-No, I'm fine. You need to know... to understand." Regaining his composure in the grip of his friend, he continued his harrowed tale. "He beat us. He called us names and attacked us, even driving away his own family and my sister. I... We only stayed cause I... I..." His cheeks once again became glossy, running with tears. This was unbelievably hard for him. "I wanted him to love me. I'm really sorry."

Things started to come together in Words' mind. Adaptive's attraction to him came from his distance, not his dominance. He wanted what he hadn't received from his youth. A dominant male figurehead to admit he cared and loved him. Why him though?

"I... I-I-I don't know, I guess you just seem to remind me of him. I'm sorry. You're so distant all the time. You block me out just cause, not even because you have a legitimate reason, which you probably have plenty of, but just cause you can. Like... Like I don't matter to you. I can see it on your face most the time. That look... it's present, like if I weren't around it wouldn't truly matter."

Words couldn't tell if he was offended or relieved he understood now. It all seemed so distant to him. As much as he tried to reason a denial for what Adaptive spoke, he knew, in the depths of his mind, he was on some level right. If he disappeared, things would return to how they were.

Unable to accept that option, that he was a cold silhouette of a stallion, he reasoned some of his own truth.

"No, that's not true. It would matter. You're my friend, would I be here if I were not? Listen, and listen well Adaptive. You mean something to me, and I to you. But were on different levels. How we care is different, you feel you love me and I realize you're a friend. But... you care a great deal, and so do I. That's the same though."

Adaptive bowed away, lowering his head under Words'. The chin of the latter resting on his own. To him, this felt as if but a dream, under his embrace, cared for. It's what he wanted, but this only existed for today. He already knew this. It hurt. Atleast for now though, he had this one embrace.

"Adaptive, no matter what happens, I'll never abandon you. I'll never run away. As long as you want, you'll always be my friend..." Words paused for a moment, lifting his form from Adaptive's. Looking down into his eyes though, he had to set some ground rules. Everything that had been happening was fueling Adaptive's attachment for him and he knew it. "... But we're just that. We are friends. Please, for both our sakes don't think of me further as a love interest. It will only separate us."

"I... I can't promise that Words, I just... can't. Alright? I'll try my absolute hardest to contain my affection, but I can't just shut down my feelings. It's not that simple. Please though, know I'm sorry. I am." Staring straight at Words, he wouldn't look away, not this time. He wanted to see his reaction. To know what he would do from his expression alone.

"I well... I can live with that. We're just friends though, no matter what, that is the limit. Feel how you want about me, but know we're never going to be an item. It's just the way it is. Alright then?" Adaptive gave a weak, sad nod. "Okay then," giving a light hug, words took the blanket of and pulled them to their hooves. "I believe you still have a job to do. We better get you cleaned up."

"I'm sorry, by the way, for all of this. It's not your responsibility and I've asked so much-"

"Hey now, no need. Like I said, I'm your friend. I'll always be your friend. Just try to keep things under wraps a bit. I'm still only one pony, I have feelings to. You lashing out every week like this could be bad for the both of us." Words dragged the silent, blue pony to the bathroom, helping him wash his face before he showed up for work.

Despite his sentiment, Adaptive could not accept his reality. It fought his nature to do so. A nature far too powerful.

'Words... You'll never care the same as I, I know this now. But that doesn't mean I can't still dream right? Just cause the stars are out of my reach does not mean I'll quit attempting to catch them. I must keep at this fruitless endeavor, or I shall have nothing to look forward to. One day, you'll see me for how I am. One day.

'Idyll'

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