I love Rainbow Dash.
Does Rainbow Dash love me?
I ask myself this as I sit in the middle of the den in my cottage.
The sun’s almost set.
She’s late again.
Another long practice, I bet.
The fireplace hardly fazes me.
I pay no attention to how uncomfortably warm the right side of my body is.
That’s because I’ve been reflecting on the countless other times this has happened.
It’s become a pattern now.
I'd sit in the middle of my den and wait for her.
Wait for her to knock on my door.
Like the faithful mare I am, I'd trot to the door with glee when the knock finally arrives.
I'd welcome my girlfriend into my home.
We'd embrace.
We'd kiss.
We'd separate.
I'd follow her as she plops herself onto my couch.
I'd sit in the empty spot next to her, and we'd talk.
I'd ask how she’s doing.
She'd tell me how she’s exhausted from her Wonderbolts training.
She'd start telling me so many things.
Things she’d never take the time to explain.
But I'd sit there and nod.
I'd smile as my girlfriend wanders into the kitchen for food.
I'd keep smiling, even though she doesn’t notice me moving in to nuzzle her.
To feel the fur of the mare I fell in love with.
To try absorbing the stress and tension from her busy schedule.
I'd get off of the couch to go help prepare some food for her.
I'd do so, even if she finds a quick snack in the pantry.
Even if she’s eventually too full to eat the meal I could've prepared.
It’s because I love Rainbow Dash.
Does Rainbow Dash love me?
The nights would progress with small talk here and there.
I’d try to bring up the things I’ve done.
The accomplishments I’ve earned.
Try to share my life with my girlfriend.
She'd tell me she’s interested.
She’s interested, despite constantly looking around the room.
She’s interested, despite the distant look in her eyes.
She’s interested, despite interrupting me with facts about her practice.
A small voice tells me the truth, but I keep talking.
All in the hopes that I mention something that interests her.
Then, like clockwork, she'd stretch her legs.
She'd tell me that she’s tired.
That she’s got practice again in the morning.
That it’s time.
Time to go home.
I'd nod as a way to assure her that I understand.
She'd get up.
“I love you, Rainbow Dash.”
I'd tell her as we embrace and share a kiss.
“I love you, Rainbow Dash.”
I'd tell myself as she heads out the door.
“I love you, Rainbow Dash.”
I'd mutter to myself as she flies away.
“I love you, Rainbow Dash.”
I'd whisper as I’m sitting in my den.
Alone.
All alone.
But it’d be okay.
Because she’ll be here another time.
I never know when she’ll be arriving.
Sometimes it’s days.
Sometimes weeks.
But it’s okay.
It’s okay because I know that she’s busy.
Because she doesn’t mean to be away.
Because I love Rainbow Dash.
Does Rainbow Dash love me?
Something’s not right though.
The times she’s stopped by to visit have become shorter.
They’ve been growing shorter.
And shorter.
Still.
Occasionally I’d get a message from one of our friends.
A message that had the feeling of my girlfriend.
But would never be delivered by her.
When she does manage to visit, I can see it.
She’s becoming hesitant around me.
She’s stopped bringing up the things she’s done.
She’s more reluctant to return my embraces.
My gestures of a welcoming warmth.
Her kisses have become lifeless.
No passion.
No vigor.
Empty.
That small voice has been growing louder.
With every passing encounter, I ignore it less.
It'd tells me awful things.
Horrible things.
Things I’d never think about Rainbow Dash.
It would keep me awake at night.
Tossing and turning in my empty bed.
Sometimes I’d wake up to a damp pillow.
But if I flip it to the other side, it’s good as new.
Her scent is becoming more foreign as time passes.
The animals don’t talk to me about it.
They wouldn’t know how.
I’m losing track of my happiness
I’m losing sight of my girlfriend.
She’s becoming an enigma.
My girlfriend’s hidden somewhere behind this obstruction.
I just know she is.
I’ll push past that barrier.
Work my way through it.
And that’s because I…
I love…
…
Does Rainbow Dash love me?
Tonight’s going to be different.
I tell myself this as I sit in the middle of the den in my cottage.
I’m through with this pain.
Tonight Rainbow Dash is going to visit me.
And I couldn’t be happier.
That’s because she has to tell me.
I’m going to make her tell me.
Tell me the truth.
Finally, a knock at the door.
I move myself to answer it.
“Hello again, Rainbow.”
“...Hey, Fluttershy.”
As expected.
We embrace.
We kiss.
We separate.
And now.
Silence.
Neither one of us have a word to say.
Neither one of us can look the other in the eye.
“I’ll go make us some dinner.”
She doesn’t seem to respond.
I move into my kitchen.
I grab the first ingredients I see.
Even though I have no idea what to make.
All I can think of is a battle plan.
“I’ll tell her that I’ve had enough.”
I get two bowls out.
“I’ll tell her that she has to come clean.”
I take the lettuce and evenly distribute it.
“I’ll tell her that she has to tell me the truth, or we’re done.”
I decorate both bowls with a medley of vegetables.
A salad it is.
I carry both bowls on my wings.
“Dinner’s ready.”
Rainbow Dash slides off the couch and saunters to the table.
We both sit down.
And then we eat.
We still have yet to look at each other.
The sound of my chewing drowns out the deafening silence.
“So, uh…”
She blankly rolls a grape tomato on the table.
“I heard you had some birds of yours sing at a party?”
It was a wedding.
“Yes.”
“How long ago was that? A week?”
It was a month ago.
“Yes.”
She squishes the tomato under her hoof.
I’ll have to clean that up later.
“How did it go?”
“...”
I want to tell her it went great.
I really do.
But why bother?
“Something wrong, Fluttershy?”
I finally look at her.
There seems to be some concern in her eyes.
But I can’t tell.
It’s been so long since I’ve seen those eyes.
I take a breath.
“Rainbow Dash? I need to talk to you about something.”
Her eyes flicker wide for a moment before going back to normal.
She slightly backs against her seat.
Lips tightening.
Swallowing the lump in her throat.
“Y-yeah?”
My hooves are shaking.
“Do… Do you—”
There’s a knock at the door.
We stare at each other for a moment longer.
“I’ll go get it.”
I just nod.
Rainbow gets up and heads towards the door.
I only hear a few phrases.
“What are you talking about?”
“That’s not fair! I worked hard so I could have this date!”
I prepared myself for what I knew would come next.
“Fine… Just gimme a minute, okay?”
She slowly comes back into the dining room.
Her ears are droopy.
She stares at the floor while grimacing.
“I… I’m sorry, Fluttershy…”
I knew it would come to this.
“They need me to help the new recruits get ready for training tomorrow.”
“It… It’s okay…”
No it isn’t.
“I understand.”
Why do you do this to me?
“I’ll be here when you’re done…”
Sitting in my cold bed.
Tears running down my face.
With nopony to comfort me.
“I promise I’ll be back soon…”
She doesn’t even sound so sure.
I stare at my unappetizing dinner as I hear her walk away.
I wait for it now.
For the door to close shut.
Allowing the truth to dawn on me.
But then…
“No…”
I look up now.
“Look, we’ve got a staff of capable ponies on hoof! I worked my ass off for this night, goddammit!”
My senses are abuzz now.
“I don’t care if they fine me! Go. Get. Somepony. Else.”
I nearly stumble as I get up from the table.
I head into the den to see the door close.
Rainbow Dash is standing there.
She quickly walks towards me.
And before I know it.
We kiss.
But… there’s something different about this kiss.
This kiss has energy to it.
I can feel her in this kiss.
The passion and drive of a young mare after confessing to the pony she’s smitten for.
I return the gesture, all previous thoughts leaving me.
Our legs are moving on their own now as our tongues become intertwined.
She breaks apart, only to drop me onto my couch.
She lowers herself onto me, and we begin kissing once more.
I can feel the intensity of a pent up mare.
The liveliness of a mare who’s missed her girlfriend.
After what feels like hours, she pulls away.
We're both breathing heavily.
Then something unexpected happens.
I feel a tear drop right onto my cheek.
My eyes are open now.
Rainbow Dash is… crying.
“I’m sorry…”
Her head bows in shame.
“I’m sorry…”
She nestles her head into my shoulder and begins to weep.
“I’m so sorry!”
I start to cry myself, but I don’t let her know that.
I rub the back of her head as we sit embraced in each other’s company.
That’s when she started.
“I’ve… I’ve been such a shitty girlfriend to you!”
She grips me tightly.
“I keep leaving you alone, and… and…”
She pauses lets out a few more tears.
“I thought you’d have dumped me by now!”
I hesitate for a moment.
“That’s not true, Rainbow.”
She looks up at me.
“How? How do you put up with me?”
I place a hoof on her cheek.
“Because…”
Because…
“Because I love you, Rainbow Dash.”
A small smile appears on her face.
She leans in for another kiss.
This one is gentle, containing all the energy it needs.
As we both sit on the couch, we discuss how we’ve felt.
I tell her how I’ve felt about her as of late.
She tells me about how she keeps a picture of me in her locker.
I tell her how the songs I have the birds perform are about her.
She tells me how she flies over my house occasionally, using that time to check on me.
We don’t leave any topic untouched.
Eventually, we’re both exhausted from our tears and our shackles breaking.
We just listen to each other’s breaths.
The sound of our heartbeats.
“You know what?”
I look into her eyes.
“I’ll spend the night here.”
I nearly gasp.
“And tomorrow? I’ll spend all of tomorrow with you!”
That’s great news.
“Are… are you sure about that?”
“There’s nothing I’d rather do right now.”
I’m ecstatic.
“But what if they punish you?”
“Let them. I don’t care.”
She presses her forehead to mine.
“I’m busy enough as it is… and I’m sorry for that.”
I start to smile.
“I want you to know that I do care about you.”
She rolls onto her side.
And I roll to face her.
We’re the only thing each other sees now.
“I want you to know… that I love you.”
I can’t help myself.
I begin crying again.
Only now they’re tears of joy.
She holds herself against me.
Through my tears, I say it once more.
“I love you, Rainbow Dash.”
She kisses my forehead before folding her wing over both of us.
“I love you too, Fluttershy.”
We end up falling asleep on that couch.
I have the greatest sleep I’ve had in weeks.
That’s because now I know.
I love Rainbow Dash.
And Rainbow Dash loves me.
Author's Note
This story was both inspired by the thoughts that used to race through my head in regards to friendships, and the song Telemiscommunications by Deadmau5.
Because sometimes we need to be reminded that we're not meaningless in others' eyes.
