The Worst of a Bad Situation

Chapters

Enter Jay
Oh Cool Talking Ponies
Well... Shit.
Princess moon butt
Crusading with the Crusaders
Time to nut up or cry quietly in a corner
Breakfast with the Apples
Visit'n time with Fluttershy
Recounting Tales of Non Epic Proportions
Cute shit happens
Talking to Twilight part 1
Talking to Twilight part 2
Dungeons and getting poked with a pitchfork
Well F%$# Me With a Ten Foot Pole...
Well that Descalated Quickly

Enter Jay

Bushes, trees, and ground pass in a blur. Roars in the distance seem to echo everywhere around me as I run as hard as my lungs allow me.

"Oh fuck! Oh fuck! Oh fuck! ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS GO HOME AND JACK OFF!!!"

This probably sounds like quite the mess I'm in right? Well might as well go back to the beginning right?

It all started with me getting off of my job at McDonalds. It was a pretty regular night, no weird customers other than the three assholes who went coning INSIDE instead of doing it at the drive through, for those of you who don't know, coning is where you go anywhere they serve soft serve and when they give the ice cream to you, you pick it up by the actual ice cream and bite the cone. I'd like to find who invented that and dick punch him.

Anyways, as I was clocking out my boss said good bye as usual and I was on my merry way. I walked out into the parking lot and hopped aboard my 1995 vespa scooter. Driving down the highway was quite the experience. In that I mean it was terrifying, the first time I did it, I about shit myself. Self deffication aside, after a couple times, it wasn't bad. My fifteen minute ride to my humble abode, was going along swiftly as I remember it being every other time I've done it. Nothing out of the ordinary but faster than I realize, everything was black.

I assumed I had died and was experiencing an after death experience of some sort. I felt like I was floating for the longest time before everything came crashing down around me and I somehow found myself amidst the madness. The feeling of bone scraping on asphalt is not something easily forgotten. Unconsciousness helps though.

As I awoke from my unconsentual nap, I was not where I assumed I would be which were one of two places, the morgue, which wouldn't make sense because I was fairly certain I was alive. Or the hospital, which judging by the trees everywhere, was not the case either. As I took in the reality of the situation placed in front of me, I began to panic, naturally, this meant I couldn't think straight, which explains why I tried to stand up. I almost immediately fell back down on my ass with sharp pains shooting up my right leg. More specifically my calf. As I inspected the wound, I realized the severity of it. Almost half of the skin was either torn to hell, or gone. To put it in perspective just imagine hamburger. Yeah. That bad. The worst part was the blood, I can't deal with blood, even when its mine. I quickly take off the stupid tie they make me wear at McDonalds and tie it around the top of my calf, right below the knee. Slowing the blood flow to the point I might not die. I take a second look around and realize just how fucked I am.

I am literally in the middle of a damn forest, and if I remember correctly the closest forest to were I was is 150 miles south, so either I flew and landed smack dab in the middle or I got teleported here. I however was still panicking so I just figured when I was passed out, the person who hit me, put me in their trunk and drove me here and dropped me off to die and no one would have evidence of my death. In hindsight, I probably over thought that a little, I should have just thought I was dead, it would have been easier on my brain and sanity.

I sat there for a minute just screaming my head off, hoping for help. But of course sense my luck had just about shit the bed, instead of the sound I wished to hear, people, I heard some rustling noises in the bushes. I sat absolutely still with nary a sound coming out of my mouth. As the sounds got louder and louder, I became more and more scared. The rustling finally hit its peak and I got ready to meet my demise. But instead of a huge marauding apex predator, a cute fluffy bunny hopped out of the bush. Me about ready to shit myself breathed a huge sigh of relief.

"Hey there little fella! I'm jay, and I promise I won't hurt you" I said as carefully and quietly as possible for reasons I don't understand. But for some reason the little bunny seemed more interested in a carrot he had found.

"Come here little guy! Oh you're so cute!" Not two seconds after I uttered that, did a huge lion with bat wings and a scorpion tail jump out the of the bushes and rip the bunny's head off with its mouth and eat it.

"HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSEVENTEENINCHDILDOBATMAN!!!" I screamed as my adrenaline kicked in and I took off like a bat out of hell. Ignoring the pains in my leg screaming at me to stop I ran with all my worth.

"I JUST WANTED TO GO HOME AND JACK OFF!!!"

And here we are. You now see the predicament I have been so unwillingly thrust into. Of all the fucked up things happening in my life, this took the cake. Running from some sort of abomanation I was positive only existed in fairy tales, I was bleeding to death, and I'm fairly certain my vespa is destroyed.

My main plan of action is to run in a random direction until I either died, or found something of interest like a house or ya know a hospital? After about two minutes of running I began to run out of breath, and my adrenaline began to fade. I was faced with the full force of the pain in my leg and it took every fiber in my being to not vomit and pass out, not necessarily in that order.

In what seemed like dumb luck I saw a house in the distance, I was kind of sketched out because the weekend before I had watched the cabin in the woods and I didn't want to be murdered. But the sounds behind me pushed me to take my chances. I finally reached the house and with the blood lose I tried to summon the most grace possible to knock on the door. By that I mean I ran straight up to the door and headbutted it furiously screaming for help before passing out from a mixture of fear, exhaustion, and head trauma from how hard I headbutted the door.

When I awoke, I was inside the house, which I assumed was a good thing after I checked my body to see if I still had my extremities, which I did. I looked around the house to see a surprising amount of animals around me and the house was actually in good shape, other than the kind of "natural" smell. I looked at my leg to see I had a bandage on it and it felt better. I heard someone talking in a sweet and soothing voice to someone named "angel", and from what I got from my eves dropping, he was a real dick bag.

"I know he's in your favorite spot but he's hurt Angel, so he can stay there for as long as he wants okay?" The sweet voice said. I heard nothing but a couple squeeks and gibbers in return and she gasped

"Angel!! Such language!" I had enough of the eavesdropping and hobbled into the room they were in with the intent to stop them from fighting but what I saw had me so shocked, I was speechless. All that were in the room was a butter colored small horse with a pink mane and butterflies on its ass and a small rabbit similar to the one I watched get eaten. Before I could say anything, the pony started talking and rushed over with a worried expression on its face.

"Oh my! You shouldn't be up and about with your leg like that, you need to rest and let it heal."

As soon as it talked I recognized the sweet voice as the one I had heard earlier and just stood there staring at her my mouth agape.

"You're a horse.... and you just talked..." I muttered out just loud enough for her to apparently hear.

"You can talk?!" She said as we both promptly fainted.

Oh Cool Talking Ponies

I've been told that, panicking is a quick way to nowhere but insanity. But I think in this situation, panicking was necessary for my sanity. I had just woken up, heard talking, stumbled into a room, and saw a talking... pony. In my defence, I didn't faint I lost consciousness. More manly that way. When I came to, everything was blurry and I heard hushed voices speaking out of what I assumed was concern. As my vision started to clear up, I realized I had a migraine, and let out a groan.

"Ugh, where am I?" I managed out before I looked around and saw I wasn't where I first fain- *ahem* Fell unconscious. Instead, I was in what looked like a library but had little "homie" touches and looked like someone lived there. What kind of nerdling lives in a library? Little did I know my silent question was about to be answered. My vision still not at 100% a purple blur approaches and beacons her friends to follow.

"Girls! Come quick, I think he's waking!" The purple one shouts behind her while she gets closer and more into view. It is then that I can see she is just like the yellow one I saw earlier and is indeed a pony. I just sat there in stunned silence as I watched her approach. Thinking to my self, 'this can't be real! How is this real?!' I missed half of her introduction.

"-rkle, you are currently in my home. My friend Fluttershy is the one who found you. With out her you might be dead, now, canon you tell me who you are? And more importantly, what you are?" When she finished with her little shpeal, I gave her an incredulous look and said with the most confidence I could muster,

"I-i am Jay and I'm a hu- human... am I gonna die?" Yeah probably not that smartest thing to come out of my mouth but fuck it, I was terrifyed and didn't have the best communication skills when it came to unicorns and talking ones at that! However, after I asked about my fate, the purple pony, who's name I didn't quite catch, looked at me with a consoling look and said in a softer voice than before,

"I'm not going to hurt you Jay, I'm just curious about you because I've never seen anything like you before! Well aside from certain types of apes. But the fact you can speak and wear clothing is what intreges me." Before I could say anything else, she started poking and prodding at my clothing.

"Hey! A little personal space please!" After I said that, she looked at me with an embaresed look.

"Sorry I'm just excited! I've never seen anything like you before!" She said happily. I gave her a weird look and said

"I think you said that already, what was your name again? It slipped my mind." I asked as nonobviously as I could.

"Oh, it's Twilight Sparkle, nice to meet you Jay." She said with a smile and stuck her out her hoof. I just laughed in her face however about the ridiculousness of her name.

"Twilight Sparkle?! Hahaha what a retarded name!!" In hindsight this was a rotten and mean thing to do, but in my temporary insanity and almost certainty this was a dream, I made a mistake, and when I wiped the tears out of my eyes, I saw the ones in hers and immediately felt like a piece of shit.

"Hey. Hey now, I meant no harm, I was just kidding! I mean with a name like Jay I shouldn't even talk! My name isn't even really Jay! Its Jeremiah! And I'm Mexican! Even though you probably have no idea what I'm talking about. I'm sorry, though, Twilight is a... beautiful name." I gave my best fake smile and tried to forget about those shitty movies. My bullshitting seemed to have done trick, because Twilight stopped crying and just smiled. Crisis averted I moved my attention to those around me. Apperently, in the middle of me and Twilight's talk, her friends surrounded us. The only one I recognized was the yellow one from eariler. The rest consisted with of an orange pony with a blond mane and she ( I was assuming ) was rocking a cowboy hat, the next beside her was a pure white pony with an extensively extavigant purple mane, next was the buttercup yellow one from eariler now that I got a closer look, I realized she had wings, huh. Weird. The next in line after her was a sky blue pony with a prismatic mane, she also had wings. After that I all I could utter out was,

"Uh... hi?" Right after I said that my whole vision consisted of pink and I had an inkling I was on the ground again. When I regained my awareness I heard something chattering at insane speeds, and I felt my migraine coming back.

"And then we can have cake and ice cream and I'll invite every pony and we can BOOGIE!!" That was all the blob of pink could get out before one of her friends intervened.

"Pinkie, for the last time, it is unbecoming of a lady to tackle hug new ponies!" My saviour cried, I gasped for breathe as the pink menace was pulled away.

"Awww. But I wasn't hurting him, he's fine, see?" She motioned toward me while I was trying to catch my breathe and failing miserably.

"Still, there is no reason for such behavior! I apologise on the account of my friend here, Mr?" She left the question open and gave me an opportunity I don't think anyone could pass up.

" Bond. Jay Bond." Its cheesy I know but I didn't care, and they seemed to buy it.

"Ah well Mr. Bond I am Rarity, and the one who attacked you is Pinkie Pie. She is quite... eccentric." Just then Pinkie shouted from the back of the room,

"Hey! Don't use words I don't know!" I just chuckled at their back and forth.

"Its fine, and what's the point of life if you can't live a little huh? Haha" I assured her and chuckled at my own joke.

"Well yes you do have a point there, and seeing as how you've already met me, Twilight, Fluttershy, and Pinkie, why don't I introduce you to the others hmm?" She asked rhetorically as she started to name her other friends.

"This is Applejack, she and her family own the farm just outside of town," she explained as the orange cowpony grabbed ahold of my hand with both hooves and shook them with such fury, I thought my hand was going to spontaneously combust.

"Nice ta meet ya partner, names Applejack, course you already know that on account of Rarity tellin ya!"

"N-ni-nice t-to meet you t-too!" I stuttered out. As soon as that was over Rarity moved on to the next pony,

"This is Rainbow Dash, she is on the weather team and helps clear the sky." After she is finished telling me, Rainbow pushes Rarity out of the way and starts cockily making her own introduction.

"Not only am I on the weather team, I'm the fastest flier in equestria!" I can already tell I won't like her very much.

"Nice to meet you Rainbow Dash." Intros aside I decide to ask the question I wanted to know from the time I woke up.

"Where am I?"

Well... Shit.

Maybe, when I asked 'Where am I?' I should have been more specific. I wanted a town name, or a state or something, and when I got my answer, it wasn't what I was expecting, or wanted to hear. Twilight had explained that I was in a town called ponyville, in some place called Equestria. Now when I had heard Rainbow Dash say Equestria earlier, I just marked it up for the blood loss and head trauma I had at the time, considering I was ACTUALLY talking to talking ponies. So of course when Twilight said that's where we were I laughed and said no really, and she repeated her self with all seriousness. That made me uneasy and I started to get angry.

"No seriously, I've lived in Texas all my life and never heard of ponyville or equestria. Where the hell are we?!"

"Texas? What is Texas?" Twilight asked, oblivious to the panic rising inside me.

"Its in the USA. I take it we are North America?" Twilight just gave me a puzzled look and I snapped at her, "WE ARE STILL ON EARTH RIGHT?!?" Twilight shrunk down to what seemed like half her size and looked scared at my out burst. In a tiny voice I heard her muster out a 'no' and I just sat there dumb founded. How couldn't I be on earth? Am I dead? When I wrecked did I go into a coma? Was I teleported here? What is this place? There were so many questions racing through my mind, and I had answers to none of them. So I did what any rational person would do. I slowly, carefully, stood up. Pushed my way past Pinkie Pie and Rarity. Opened the door, and took off running.

It wasn't to long into my trying to run away from my problems, literally, that I realised that my leg hurt like a son ofa bitch. Looking down at the blood soaked bandage on my calf, I felt sick. Not just because of the blood, but because of the situation I was put in. Thrown somewhere completely foreign, and expected to survive. I mean my life wasn't the best back home, but it was starting to look brighter, considering I had a job and an apartment. Not to mention my sweet ass vespa, that's probably completely destroyed.

While I was running, it hit me that I had no idea where I was, and I was probably scaring the shit out of the other ponies in the town. I'd be kind of scared to see a 6 foot 2 bi pedal creature running at you when most ponies are only around 4 feet tall. I stopped and took a look around. All the ponies that had been out and about seconds before I came blitzing into what looked like a market, were huddled and hiding underneath their stands. I apparently scared one pony so bad he was shivering and from the puddle he was lying in, let's just say I hope he was just selling lemonade. All that aside, my nerves still frayed and me still being in shock of the situation, I looked for the fastest way out of that town. I look to the west and see a pathway that looks to lead straight out of this nut house and back into the stupid forest that tried to eat me. I'd rather be alone with my thoughts than get eaten so I decided against that. I looked to the east, and that would put me back at the library, which I didn't want to do right then. I looked north, and that was just the town square. With there only being one other direction left, my decision was made for me as I trudged along the path, not bothering to run anymore. I just needed a quiet place to rest my head for a while and escape this unreal reality.

Author's Note

Well this chapter wasn't very funny but after this one it will be more entertaining and hopefully have more chuckle worthy comedy. Depending if you guys want it, I'll write another chapter tonight.

Princess moon butt

Well when I was trying to decipher the big questions of life, why are we here, is there a god, etc etc, I realised I had been gone for quite some time, considering that the sun had almost set and the big beautiful moon was on the rise. I then realised I had no where to go, which gave my self esteem another critical hit, but I pushed on regardless. Looking around, I tried to scout out what would be my impromptu home for the night.

After about an hour of searching, I found what looked like a child's club house. I figured whomever it belonged to wouldn't mind my taking it for temporary shelter against the scary shit that dwelled in the nights embrace. I walked up to it and looked in the windows first, to make sure nobody was home. Next I walked away from the window and started towards the door. I pushed it in slowly as if there was a sleeping bear on the other side, and for all I know there was. While pushing the door slightly ajar, I peeked my head in to double check what I saw when I looked through the window. Nothing. Moving on I entered the rest of my body into the opening and shut the door behind me. Looking around the moonlight lit clubhouse, I saw drawings and crudely made contraptions that you would expect from a child's play place. I also spotted some sleeping bags and a lantern. Probably from when they camp out here. Moving toward the bedding, I laid down all three sleeping bags to use as a make shift bed and shut my eyes, hoping that when I wake, I'll be home. Sleep overtook me quickly and I welcomed it.

I opened my eyes and looked around. I was back in my apartment! I shot out of bed with excitement and without putting clothes on ran down the stairs, into the parking lot, and cried tears of joy. Vespa. My vespa was sitting where it always was, as pristine as ever. As tears of happiness flowed freely down my cheeks, I ran towards her. I closed in on her and it was a beautiful sight to behold I'm sure. Once I reached her, I got down on my knees and hugged her. Nothing could ruin this moment.

"Quite an odd thing to hold such affection for, is it not?" Suddenly my tears of joy ran dry. I turned around and looked on in awe and sadness as I realised that this wasn't real. For there was a pony standing not five feet from me. "Art thou going to answer our question little one?" It asked. The pony in question, was taller than any of the other ponies I had saw earlier and instead of having just one, it had a horn AND wings. The cosmos seemed to dance in her mane while it blew in a wind that wasn't there. It was a dark blue, with its mane being a darker shade with a ghostly outline.

"Who are you?" I asked, curious to know who ripped me from my bliss.

"I am Princess Luna, co-ruler of equestria, along side my sister, Princess Celestia. Now who, and what are you? We haven't seen anything like you in our life." Oh well I should have figured from the feminine voice it was a girl but best to make sure right?

"My name is Jay, and I'm a human. And apperently an alien. I'm from a planet called Earth." At my explanation, she didn't look shocked or even surprised for that matter. All she did was give me a nod and say,

"Alright then." Seriously... how serious she was freaked me out a little. "Tell me, Jay, what are you doing here?"

"Um... hugging my vespa?" I said as I looked back and realised I was still attached to my scooter. I let go and looked back at Princess Luna. "Sorry, you probably want a legitimate answer, not my smart ass comments. As for why I'm here, I have about as big of a clue as you do. I have no idea." I looked down in sadness when I finished what I was saying. Luna, seeing my sadness, lifted her hoof to my chin and lifted my head so her eyes would meet mine.

"Do not be saddened by what you cannot control. Life deals blows that cripple, and sometimes you have to go with the flow." Heh... that rhymed. Even with my amusement, the message was not lost on me and I thought about it for a minute. She was right. Why be sad about shat I can't do anything about? When I can be sad that I have no where I can call home, no food, and no friends. Some call me a pessimest, but I prefer the term realist.

"What about my old life? What about my friend, that I had that one time? And most importantly, what about vespa?!" I asked dramatically.

"All those things are gone now, and you need to embrace your new life." How carelessly she said that made me angry.

"And what life is that!? Living off of garbage and fighting the wilderness my whole life just to die a bitter old man?!"

"It does not have to be that way. As the only one of your kind in this world, you have something valuable we could use."

"And what is that?" I asked, still heated.

"Knowledge." When she said that, I looked at her with a surprised look and said,

"What could you learn from me? I don't know anything, I just flipped burgers for a living."

"But you know about your planet correct? This means you have valuable knowledge we could use to further our understanding of our universe." I thought it over for a minute, taking into account all the variables. Well most of them anyways.

"What's in it for me?" I asked, selfishly. Just wanting to know about my own gain and not worry about others.

"A place to live, food, water, and company." Company? What did she mean by that?

"Company? Like, friends?"

"More like journalists and news ponies." I didn't like the sound of that.

"No thanks, I'd rather die alone than have every moment of my life poked and prodded at." That sounded a little darker than I meant it but Luna was a big girl and she could understand what I meant.

"I think you should reconsider. Living alone in the wilderness is no way to live at all."

"Neither is being constantly harassed by the media and used as nothing but a learning tool. I'm done with this conversation. Good bye." I said as I woke up.

Stretching my arms and legs, I let out a big yawn. I looked out the window facing the west and saw the sun was rising. I figured I best leave this clubhouse before its owners returned. I went about, removing every trace of me being here so none would be the wiser. As I finished I started to walk towards the door, only to hear the last sounds I wanted to. Children.

Crusading with the Crusaders

"Cool? Not to complain, but shouldn't you be scared and run to go tell your parents or whatever? I mean I know I'm not huge or anything, but I pride myself in being somewhat scary and you guys are kind of shitting on it." I half pouted they all looked at me with confused looks. Appleflower or whatever her name was, stepped forward and looked like she was going to speak, but before she could, the orange chicken fluttered in front of her.

"What does 'shitting' mean?" Yeesh. I didn't really care to get into what swear words meant with what I figured was a child in their world so I just went with the universal, 'ask your parents'. She seemed sad for a moment but she shut up so I considered it a victory. However, it was short lived as Applejuice retook her position in front of the Pegasus and started talking.

"Mah sister said you weren't dangerous as far as she knew, but that I shouldn't harass you if I see ya. Far as I see it, I'm not harassing you right?" The oversized bow in her hair bounced adorably when she looked up at me with her question. With a face like that, who could be harassed? Not me.

"Of course not Applejam, I'm just a little surprised you aren't over reacting to me. And your white friend over there is sure quiet, is she okay?" I looked over Applejob's shoulder to look at the unicorn, who had been silent this who conversation. When she saw me look at her, her attention immediately went to something else. I thought it was suspicious but my thoughts were broken because of a certain adorable southern accented voice.

"Mah name isn't Applejam! Its Applebloom! And your right, Sweetie, why aren't you talking?" With everyone's attention on her she visibly flinched and her eyes darted from left to right.

"Rarity said he was an alien and he might be dangerous! She said we need to stay away from him and go get Twilight if we find him!!" She half squeaked, half screamed. Finally someone found me scary. I enternally gained back some of my manliness hearing someone shreak at the mention of me... maybe it wasn't a good thing to be happy about, but moral conundrums aside, I came back to the outside world. I heard her say something about them bringing me back to Twilight, which for some reason I didn't want to happen. So I did the best thing I could imagine to do with a panicking child. Distract them.

"I swear I'm not dangerous, and earlier I heard you girls saying something about a list? I might be able to help you with that, regardless of what it is." I quickly changed the topic from me being possibly dangerous to something they obviously had interest in and there eyes lit up like kids on Christmas morning. Heh, these kids are lucky I'm not actually dangerous, they were pretty easy to manipulate.

"Our list is about what our special talent is going to be!" Applebloom said, and Scootaloo buzzed to her side and said,

"Our destiny!" Then Sweetie ran to the opposite side of Applebloom.

"Our passion!" She yelled with enthusiasm. After that they made a three pony pyramid and at the same time they said,

"And we are... THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!!!" They yelled the last part at near deafening levels and I had to cover my ears to protect them from irreparable damage. I liked their enthusiasm, it made it easy for me to see that this was a way to get them to trust me if I helped them. I just had one question,

"...The hell is a cutie mark?" When I said that, gone were the smiles and happiness on their faces, only confusion and surprise.

"You don't know what a cutie mark is?! Its what defines you as a pony!" Scootaloo said. Applebloom and Sweetie Belle just nodded furiously in agreement.

"So what you're telling me, is that, its just what your good at?" They again nodded, "So why don't you silly fillies just do what your good at? Simple as that." They all gave me exasperated looks and tried to explain that they didn't know what they were good at, hence why the list. I asked what did they like to do, they each had their own reply; Applebloom liked drafting and making stuff. Sweetie Belle enjoyed singing, and Scootaloo liked riding her scooter. I knew who was my favorite out of the group. "Well, why don't you just do that? Finding your talent isn't something to be rushed and it all comes in time. But being kids you don't understand that, so what's next on the list?" Their eyes glowed happiness when I offered to help, but I thought it would be something like, 'who can get highest on the swimgs' or some kid shit like that, not 'Cutie mark Crusaders Colorado-ers'. The only reason I knew what the was is because me and a couple friends back in high school went Colorado-ing in the mountains. Nobody got hurt but that was because there was 3 feet of snow and we were only in like, ten foot trees. Considering the lack of snow, I figured I was, 'going to have bad time' as a certain ski instructor would say.

Twenty broken trees, a broken tail bone, and countless bruises later, our crusading was finished. We all laid 'neath our last attempt.

"Well... I guess we ain't Cutie Mark Crusaders Colorado-ers neither." Applebloom said, still regaining her breath from falling twenty feet to her back with a tree chasing her. I looked at her and in the most polite voice I could muster said,

"No fucking shit..." and fell asleep.

Author's Note

For those of you who are curious as to what Colorado-ing is, it is when you find the tallest tree you can in the middle of winter, climb to the top, and shake it until what you're hanging onto breaks and you fall. Its a quick way to a Darwin award and really dangerous, but damn is it fun!!

Time to nut up or cry quietly in a corner

When I woke up, it was night, and with a quick glance around, I saw the trio of pain was nowhere in sight. I leaned on my right arm and stood up, and for the first time in the past four days, I felt hungry. It hit me like a double decker bus how hungry I was, so my first thought was to go get some food. The second after that thought, I realised that I didn't know where to get food from. I think Applejack said she worked on an apple farm, so if I found that, I'd be in the gold mine.

Though I had no idea the proper direction to go, I followed a hunch and the smell of apples. While on my walk to find sustenance, I gazed upward at the beautiful night. Filled with stars and wonderment. The gorgeous moon lighting my path just enough to see, but not enough to be over powering. I had always enjoyed the night time better then the day for a reason I don't know. Maybe it was the cool air. Allowing me to think better. Maybe it was the smells. Nothing smelled quite like the night after a rainstorm. Maybe it was the sights. All the beautiful stars, creating constalations and art in the sky, the moons ever present shine upon the ground, showing the softer shades of the world. Whatever it was, I loved it.

I had been walking for a good twenty minutes before I reached something that looked familiar. The lights of a sleeping city were in the distance, and I knew I couldn't be far from my destination. I keep walking on the path until a sign is in front of a turn off in the road. 'Sweet Apple Acres'. This must be what she was talking about. I turned onto the path and started my trek. Soon enough, I saw apple trees in rows along the road. I was tempted to just take them, but didn't feel right stealing them. I kept walking forward to an old looking farm house. There was a barn to my left that was painted fire truck red and corrals next to it with sleeping pigs inside. I walked past the barn and walked up the steps of the porch on the farm house.

The house itself wasn't in bad condition, but the paint was chipping and looked ages old. I took the necessarily steps to reach the door and knocked. I had no idea what time it was here but I assumed it was late and didn't expect a warm welcome. I stood back and waited for a response. After five minutes of waiting, I knocked again. Still no response. They were probably asleep considering its pitch black outside now. Not even the moon is awake. Instead of bothering them by knocking on the door again, I reach for the doorknob and twist. To my surprise, its unlocked, and I let myself in.

I know this seems kind of shady, but I swear it was filled with good intentions. But you know what they say about the road paved with good intentions. I opened the door slowly, as to make as little sound as possible, and closed it the same way. I walked forward into the darkness and saw nothing. Cause you know, darkness is pretty dark. My eyes adjusted, and soon enough, I could see enough to make progress through the house to find what I was looking for. I searched and searched and searched, but couldn't find it. I thought to myself, maybe they didn't have any? But I pushed that thought away, and kept looking. My luck, as shitty as it is, decided to fuck me over yet again. While I was looking for my object of interest, I accidentally bumped into a chair, which immediately fell over and something hit the ground with it. Or I guess it was someone, considering it yelled when it was falling over.

When it hit the ground, an old sounding voice went off like an alarm about how I was an intruder and a their and all this crazy stuff, when in all reality, I was looking for some paper and a pen to write an IOU. Seriously, I was going to write my name and everything, but it had to be spoiled my own idiocy. Well I'm sure Applejack will let me explain why I was rummaging through her house, knocked over what I assumed was her grandma and about how I was going to steal some of her apples... on second thought, that seemed like a horrible idea, and I'm quite certain I'm going to be beat to death by a mini horse.

I was left with two options. One, is run away or hide in the hopes they don't find me and I don't die, or two, I stand up like a man and take my punishment like a man. I took the obvious choice and ran like a little girl. I however, didn't take into account that ponies can run. Fast. I can put up a pace with the best of them, I am Mexican, but horses win.

I ran for all I was worth but it was in vain when I saw the rope extend over my head and close in around my arms. I slammed the ground so hard I'm surprised I didn't give the ground a bruise. I was slowly getting dragged backwards and I was blubbering like a child who got caught stealing the whole time. When I finally stopped being dragged, I looked up and saw the angry face of Applejack. When she saw me though, her face went from rage to confusion.

"What the hay? Jay!?"

"Um... hey there Applejack..."

Author's Note

I would appreciate some feedback about what you guys and gals think about the story. So if you have some time drop me a comment or something. Thanks for reading!

Breakfast with the Apples

After being unbound, and explaining the situation to Applejack, she seemed understanding. I figured she'd give me a couple apples and send me on my way if I was lucky. But she surprised me by actually inviting me into her home for a place to stay for the night and breakfast in the morning. I don't know why I avoided these ponies after I found out I wasn't on my own planet. Oh right, existensial crisis will make you do stupid things. That aside, I accepted her gracious offer, and followed her inside.

For my sleeping arrangements, she had an old cot she pulled out, along with a pillow and a super warm hand-er.. hoof made blanket. "Hey Applejack?"

"What'dya need partner?" She asked as she turned her head to me, before she walked up the stairs to I'm assuming her bedroom.

"Thanks. Its been a long time since anybody has done something nice for me just for the sake of being nice. Its refreshing." I said with a smile on my face. In turn she donned one and said,

"Think nothing of it. You'd have done the same fer me." She turned and walked up the stairs. The clopping of hooves getting fainter and fainter until they stopped. Its been a long while since anything good has come my way so this random act of kindness was much appreciated. I mentally told myself that one day, I would repay her for this. But right now, all I wanted to do was sleep.

I was awoken the next morning by the cock-a-doodle-doo of the rooster and the sun streaming on my face. I rolled over, trying to get a little more sleep in before the day drained me of my energy. But it was in vain, as I rolled right off the cot and onto the ground with a thud. I managed a grumble and stood up. Trying to get back into the cot, my dreams of more dreams were dashed yet again as a certain orange pony appeared. She looked as awake and cheery as ever. I don't understand morning people. I however looked exactly the opposite. Bags under my eyes, bed head like a pair of hedge clippers attacked my dome piece, super deep tired voice and worste of all, morning breath. Now I've been told that I have the worst morning breath ever. And I agree with them, sometimes catching a wiff of my own breath in the morning made me feel like my eyebrows were going to singe off and my nose, run away. However, before Applejack could talk to me, I asked where I could brush my teeth and she pointed me to the bathroom.

After reaching said bathroom, I realised, I didn't have a tooth brush. I said whatevs and borrowed one of the ones inside the little cups they had on the counter. I'm sure they wouldn't mind. I put some tooth paste on the brush, and went to work removing about four days worth of gross. After that was done, I came back down and smelled the delicious scent of baked apples. I walked to the table to see massive amounts of food and my mouth started watering. Apple anything you can name. Apple fritters, apple pie, apple pancakes apple sauce and even just plain apples! I was flabbergasted that they could cook all this food and make it look this good in a relatively small amount of time. I picked a seat next to Applejack, who had Applebloom on the otherwise of her. "This all looks delicious! Thank you again Applejack, without you, I'd probably be stealing from ponies so I could eat, but now I don't need to!" I said as I took a fork and got a couple pancakes, then I reached for the syrup, probably apple flavored, and squeezed some out onto my pancakes. I took a bite and internally laughed a little as my assumption was correct. Applejack just smiled at me and said, 'don't worry about it'. She sure was a thoughtful pony. Maybe living among these guys until I figure out a way to get home will be easier than I thought at first. If Applejack was anything to go by, the ponies here put everyone above themselves. Which was hard to come by in the human world but, that was still my home.

Breakfast was soon over and with a satisfied hunger, I asked Applejack for the thirtyith time if she needed help cleaning, as it was the least I could do for her generosity. But again and again she refused, so I resigned to just stand back and wait for her to get done. When she finished, we sat on her porch talking about life and its mysteries. We talked about me needing a place to stay and how I was always welcome on the farm, as long as I worked my fair share around here. We talked about me wanting to know how to get home and not be stuck here anymore, not that I minded all that much. We talked about all sorts of stuff before she had to start her work for the day. 'Trees don't take care of themselves!' She said. I told her I appreciated everything she did for me and she again said don't mention it. I shook her hoof and went on my merry way. With no plan on how to attack the day, I figured I would stop at the ponies house that saved me from a horrible death. Time to go visit Fluttershy.

Author's Note

Not to much funny businesses in this one, just some story building. The chapter after fluttershy is going to be about Jay's background. Hope you guys and gals enjoy!

Visit'n time with Fluttershy

The sun was well on its way across the sky as I realised I spent a lot of time at Applejack's, but I didn't mind. I took my time as I strolled down the path AJ told me led to Fluttershy's. The reason I was heading to her house was because she was the one who saved me from certain death, the least I could do is say my thanks. I succumbed to boredom during my long walk toward her house after about fifteen minutes of walking so I resorted to singing a little ditty I used to sing on my way to work to help with the fifteen minute ride. "Tracing the silver lines of the moon with our eyes, we both knew it was time. With your finger you traced every line, every angle of my face, never wanting to leave this place. Time took its toll and we lost any sort of control we once had before. Closing the door this was going to be, our last mistake. A quick inhale. A fast intake." I was interrupted by a gasp and turned to face its source, to see it was Fluttershy. I was pleasantly surprised when I saw her because it just meant I didn't have to walk anymore. "Hey Fluttershy, I was on my way up to your cottage and-... are you okay?" Halfway through my explanation I looked at her and saw her expression of bewilderment.

"Y-you were singing." She said as she kind of trailed off at the end. I totally forgot that the heard me singing and I felt the blood rush to my face.

"Oh, ha-ha you heard that huh? I've never had anyone listen to my singing and I'm terrible I know." I said as I hung my head. I hadn't expected her, or anyone else to hear me because I thought her cottage was farther away.

"I didn't think so. I think you have a nice voice." She said with a small smile but as soon as I made eye contact she shrank back into her mane. "If you don't mind me saying, that is..." she added. I walked over and placed my arms around her gently. She made a cute noise when I hugged her but didn't fight back and after a second, returned the embrace.

"I don't mind you saying that. I appreciate it. Which brings me back to the whole reason I was on my way to come see you. You see," I kneeled down to be at eye height with here and she came out from underneath her mane. "I acted pretty terribly when Twilight told me she didn't know how I got her and I didn't have anybody else's feelings in my mind when I took off without a word. I at least wanted to thank you."

"Thank me? I just did what any pony should have done in my place. I saw you hurt, and I couldn't just leave you there!" She said, seemingly shocked I was thanking her in a little bit louder of a voice that was about the level of a normal persons speaking voice.

"Well what may be a normality here, is somewhat a rarity on my planet. There are people in need everywhere where I come from. Its such a natural thing there that people walk past them everyday. We all have struggles of our own to deal with and some people are either in to bad of a situation to help or others just don't care." I looked up at Fluttershy and noted her look of shock. Before I could finish what I was saying, she started crying, making me want to do nothing more than hug her. So I did.

"T-that's s-so horrible!" She said between sobs, "Nopony helps anypony else in need! What kind of place is that to live in?" I patted her back and tried to console her.

"That shouldn't be what you define earth by, its a bad example. There are good things there too you know." I said, in an attempt to stop her from giving me a heart attack with all the sad adorable pony faces. She sniffled and looked up at me with her big eyes.

"L-like w-what?" I looked at her and smiled.

"Why don't I tell you about the time I was homeless?"

Author's Note

Not very long but another chapter will be out tonight so just wait about an hour and then you'll have another new chappy!

Recounting Tales of Non Epic Proportions

After I walked Fluttershy to her cabin, which hadn't been as far away as I thought, we walked in the door and she led me to a couch. I sat down and thanked her, walking was hard on the feet and being able to take a load off was nice. She sat next to me and I thought this as good a time as any to tell her what I promised to.

"Well I suppose you want me to tell you about me, so I won't beat around the bush. I was in the wrong place at the right time, it would seem and I got pinned for something I didn't do. What was it? I got framed for stabbing someone. I would never do that Fluttershy, don't look so worried. Anyways, that landed me in jail for three years. I was fresh out of high school when that happened so I had no real concept of the outside world or jail. I learned really quickly that it was dog eat dog in jail. Not literally Fluttershy, don't worry. I just mean, to get ahead you had to assert yourself or you would be stepped on everywhere you went. I saw some things in jail that I wish I hadn't and the people were cruel. Not just the prisoners, bit the guards were corrupt too. Taking their anger out on any prisoner who showed the tiniest bit of fight in them. More than one person left the jail I was in, in a body bag. It wasn't a fun experience. Eventually, the charges I had against me were over thrown when they found the right guy and I was released. No apology, just kicked out one day out of the blue. I wasn't exactly complaining but even though I was innocent, I still had to pay for my stay in jail and I had no family to speak of to help pay, because I was an orphan.

After that, things went steadily down hill. Sounds hard to beleive I know, but it did. I lost the house I was in on account of not making a payment in three years and I had no job to speak of. I panhandled everyday just to have something to eat. I wouldn't have had anything if it wasn't for the generosity of passing people, giving me loose change, or whatever they deemed appropriate. I did that for a year. Sleeping underneath highway passes and begging for food and money for a year, before my life changed because of one person. His name was Viktor. He was a Russian business owner, and he gave me the first job is had in years. This is where my life started its slow chug back to normality and stability. He worked as a butcher, in a deli. Before you freak out, you have to understand everyone on earth is an omnivore, and the animals there aren't sentient. He gave me a job as a janitor. I didn't mind though, money was money, and its a dominating force on earth.

I worked there for two years, before I had saved up enough money to get an apartment somewhat close to where I worked and life was going good. Eventually, I moved up from janitor, to butcher. And after another two years, Viktor passed away. I was devastated. The closest thing I ever had to a friend, gone like that. I was worried about how I would continue living in my apartment if I couldn't pay rent. After a week of grief, I had to keep moving and I looked around for a new job. I went to where I would probably have the best chance of being hired. A fast food joint called McDonald's. Then after that, everything was fine. Then I got transported or whatever here." As I finished, I looked at Fluttershy to see a mix of emotions on her face. The most prominent one being sorrow. "Don't feel bad for me Fluttershy. I've been through a lot, but I always try to have my chin up and see the bright side of things." I smiled. That was a lie of course, I was quite a pessimistic person, but I really didn't want to see her cry again. I'd probably D'awww myself to death. She still looked sad but had a small smile on her face. She reached out and hugged me and it was my turn to be surprised. She broke the embrace and looked me in the eyes.

"I have met a lot of brave ponies, but to have to go through what you have and still wear a smile, takes a lot of guts. If it makes you feel better, I'd be more than happy to be your friend." I turned my head away from hers because I didn't want her to see the tears pooling in the corners of my eyes. I chuckled in spite of myself.

"I haven't had a friend in a very long time. I would love to have another one." I looked back at her and smiled. She did too.

Cute shit happens

It was starting to get dark outside after me and Fluttershy's talk. I was saying my goodbyes and making my way to the door, but I was stopped. "Wait!" I turned my head to look at Fluttershy over my shoulder. The sound of her voice in anything but a whisper had surprised me.

"Yes Fluttershy?" She looked down and hid in her mane for a moment when our eyes met, before she asked me a question.

"Do you... um... do you have anywhere to sleep tonight?" It was a simple enough question, but it still made me turn back around and think. I had nowhere to go. No place to call home anymore, nor just a bed to call mine for the night. I hadn't minded sleeping outside up until this point when someone, or somepony rather, had pointed it out.

"No." My answer emotionless. I looked back at Fluttershy, who was no longer hiding behind her mane, but now giving me a sympathetic look. "I guess I don't." The thought of sleeping outside again didn't seem all that appealing, but I didn't really have a choice at this point. "Goodnight Fluttershy." I said as I turned back around to the door and made my way to it. Opening it, I walked out. I was about five feet outside of Fluttershy's cottage before I heard her door open.

"Jay?" I heard her say from her porch. I turned back around and looked at her quizzically, which she took as her cue to continue. "Um.. I have a guest room here, and you're more than welcome to stay here. That is... if you want..." she trailed off at the end and started to again hide behind her mane. I quickly waived off the idea.

"I would hate to be a burden, and besides, I wouldn't want to make you feel uncomfortable in your own home. I'm sure I can find somewhere to sleep out here." I tried to put on a fake smile hoping she would buy it, but she saw right through my façade. She put on a stern expression.

"Nonsense, I couldn't get let you sleep out here, especially after all you've been through. It will be nice to have some company also, its been a long time sense I've had anypony stay over." She gave me a warm smile and my heart melted at her kindness. These ponies had shown me more kindness in the short time of my being here than humanity had, in my entire life. I gave her a smile. From what I'd gathered, ponies were much more innocent then humans and likely hadn't experienced the hells of how cruel life could actually be.

"I would appreciate it more than you know." She smiled more brightly at my acceptance of her offer and motioned for me to come in.

It was well into the hours of the night, and after me telling Fluttershy countless stories of my life on earth, and even more fanciful stories, halo being one of them. Except, instead of Master Chief, I placed myself in the stories, to help Fluttershy become more invested. I got to the part where Master Chief met the promethiens, before I let out a yawn and realised how tired I was. Fluttershy however, was completely engrossed in my story telling, much as I had been the first time I had played the game. She noticed the tired look in my eyes and my sleepy voice.

"Oh! Um if you're tired, I can show you where you'll be sleeping, and we can finish the story in the morning." I gave her an appricative look and nodded. I followed her up the stairs and walked in behind her as she stepped into the first room to our right. When we walked in, I couldn't help but notice that this seemed rather nice for a guest bedroom. Not that I was complaining, because the bed looked super comfy. She let me walk past her as she stepped to the side. "This is it. I hope its okay." I grinned at her.

"Okay? This is fantastic! Far better than anything I have slept on in the past, as long as I can remember!" I flopped on the bed and gave a chuckle. It was better than it looked. I lied there for a moment before I caught a wiff of my armpit and almost passed out. "Um, Fluttershy?"

"Yes Jay?" I looked back at her with a slightly embarrassed look.

"Do you have a bath or shower I could use? I've been so caught up in the chaos that has been going on around me, that I've kind of forgotten about my hygiene." She gave me an understanding look and nodded.

"Walk up the hallway and its the first door on your left. There is some soap and shampoo in there that you can use. I hope you don't mind lilacs." I smiled, appreciatively and walked across the hallway to the bathroom. Walking in, I turned around and shut the door, noting that it didn't have a lock I shrugged and began stripping my clothes. Once down to my boxers, I walked to the tub. Seeing the fact that it had no shower head, I guessed I was going to take a bath. I had no problem with this though. Adjusting the hot and cold nozzles until it was at a satisfactory temperature, I plugged the drain using the small plug I had found inside the tub and waited for it to fill up. Walking up to the large mirror, I examined my face. I had grown back the stubble I shaved frequently and I looked a little more ragged than normal, but that was to be expected. I noticed that my hair was also a complete mess, and looked like someone attacked me with a weedeater. Glancing back at the tub, I saw it was at a high enough level and turned off the faucet.

Dipping my hand in the water to test it, I deemed it a reasonable temperature and stepped into the tub after removing my underwear. The water felt like heaven on my dirty and battered body. I dunked my head into the water and washed about four days worth of filth from my hair and face. After I got the majority of the grime off, I drained the tub and refilled it with new water. I went to work washing my hair with the shampoo Fluttershy had on her shelf. The rich floral scent of lilacs and a hint of vanilla washed over my nose, ridding me of the smells to be expected of someone who hadn't showered in almost a week and who had been in the wilderness for the majority of that time. After rinsing the shampoo out, I scrubbed my body with the soap bar that Fluttershy had.

After draining the tub and drying myself, I put my boxers back on and left my smelly clothes in the bathroom, intending to deal with them tomorrow. I walked to what I thought was Fluttershy's room and opened the door, planning on saying goodnight to her. But when I opened the door, and saw that it was just a storage closet, I was confused, if only for a second. This was the only other door on the second story besides the bathroom and the guest room and then it hit me. "She was going to give me her bed?" I said quietly. I quickly walked back to her room and looked in and saw no sign of her. I left the room and walked downstairs. Sure enough, there she was, curled up on the couch, looking uncomfortable and cold. I almost had a heart attack at the sight of her shivering. Walking over, I carefully picked her up in my arms and quietly carried her upstairs. We got to her room and I set her down in her bed. I moved back the covers and scooted her into place and put the covers over her and tucked her in. She smiled happily in her sleep and snuggled against the covers, getting more comfortable. I turned off the light and quietly shut the door.

Walking to the couch, I plopped down and felt sleep overcome me.

Author's Note

Kinda of a longer chapter, and the next update will probably be later today, depending what happens. Anywho, lemme know what you think and thanks for reading!

Talking to Twilight part 1

After waking up from quite possibly the most restful sleep I've ever gotten in my entire life, let my eyes adjust to the bright lighting around me. I glanced around, looking for a clock or something to tell me the time. Directly across from the couch was a circular clock with roman numerals. Assuming it was the same here as it was on earth, it was around 5:30.

Shifting my body to put my feet on the ground, I sat up. Taking a second to stretch, I stood up. Wobbling toward where I thought the kitchen was I rounded the corner. I was right in my thinking and smiled. I made my way to the fridge and opened it. I searched its contents for the prize I was looking for. Not finding the bacon I had hoped for, I grabbed the next best thing; eggs and hashbrowns. Walking over to the cabinets, I opened them one after another until I found a bowl.

Back on earth, this had been one of my favorite breakfast foods, so I figured I would cook some for me and Fluttershy. Taking the bowl and cracking four eggs into it, I went back into the fridge and grabbed the milk. Pouring a little bit into the eggs, I sealed it back up and placed it back where it was. Looking around for a spice drawer or cabinet, I found what I was looking for above the stove. Taking the crushed red pepper, garlic, and a little bit of onion powder I put a bit of each into the eggs before mixing them.

Taking some scissors I had found, I cut open the bag that housed the delicious thin cut pieces of potatoes. Heating up the pan that I had placed on the stove top, I poured enough vegetable oil in it to cover the bottom, then poured in the hashbrowns. Placing the cap over the pan and letting them cook, I wandered over to the pantry and looked for tortillas. I found what I was looking for on the bottom rack of the well stocked pantry. Opening the package, I placed four of them on a plate I had gotten from the cabinet, I resealed it and placed it back inside the pantry.

Lost amongst myself I didn't hear the dainty footsteps of the pony that had just awoken approaching me. "Jay?" She called to me, " what smells so wonderful?" Turning around, I saw her, still wrapped in the blanket I had tucked her in, in. Her mane, a mess but somehow still looked flowing and gorgeous. I gave her a smile and a wave.

"Oh hey Fluttershy, I'm just cooking us some breakfast, I hope you don't mind, I used some eggs and hashbrowns." I gave her a somewhat sheepish look when I realised I was using her food. But my fears were melted away when she gave me a smile and shook her head.

"I don't mind at all. I'm actually really hungry, what are you making?" She looked at the pan curiously. I just gave her a smirk and told her she would have to wait. While the eggs cooked, me and her made small talk about whatever came to mind and it was nice.

After everything was cooked, I turned off the stove top, moved the pan off the burner and got two plates. One for me and one for Fluttershy. Placing two tortillas on each plate, I grabbed the spatula I had been using to flip the hash browns and stir the eggs and put a portion of the mix on each tortilla. Grabbing some cheese from the fridge I asked if Fluttershy would like some on hers and she said yes. Sprinkling some on each, I resealed it and put it back in the fridge, not shutting the door before I grabbed the ketchup. Again I asked I Fluttershy if she wanted some and again she said yes.

After squirting some ketchup on the breakfast burritos, I wrapped them up. Taking one plate, I placed it in front of Fluttershy and took the other for myself. I sat beside her and took a bite of my burrito before motioning for her to do the same. She seemed a bit apprehensive but once she took her first bite, her eyes lit up and she was hooked. We both ate in silence but it was fine with me. It let me think about what I was going to do next.

After breakfast, I washed the dishes and cleaned up the mess I had made. Fluttershy tried to help me a couple times but I told her it was fine and she didn't have to worry about anything. She complimented my cooking, and I thanked her for letting me stay in her home.

"Oh it was no problem at all, though I don't remember going to sleep in my bed." She looked confused. I let out a small chuckle.

"You didn't." The look on her face was freaking adorable and damn near gave me diabeetus. "When I got out of the bath, I saw you sleeping on the couch, you looked cold and uncomfortable. I wasn't about to let you freeze in your own home. So I carried you to your bed and tucked you in." I smiled at her.

"Y-you carried me t-to bed?" She looked surprised but I was taking it as a good kind of surprised. So I nodded. She got up and flew over to me to hug me. "Thank you." She whispered in my ear. When she pulled back she looked slightly flushed but happy. I said you're welcome. We talked for a short while afterward before the topic of what I was going to do next came up. Fluttershy suggested going to see Twilight and I thought it over. It was probably my best plan of action but she lived in the middle of town and it probably wasn't the best idea to just go strolling through main street by myself. I brought this up to Fluttershy and she had agreed and offered to walk me there. I accepted her offer and we shortly there after left to go talk to Twilight.

Author's Note

Just another chapter, lemme know whatcha thought, thanks for reading!

Talking to Twilight part 2

The short walk from Fluttershy's house to the main road was met with casual conversation about whatever we had on our minds at the time. I was somewhat nervous, not knowing what to expect from Twilight. Somehow sensing my worry, Fluttershy wrapped a wing around me and gave me an assuring look. I faked a smile back. My nerves still managing to get the best of me, I lost myself in thought when we turned onto the main road.

I was hoping I could have my questions about how I got here, why I'm here, and how do I get back answered, but I didn't let my hopes rule me. I knew that was probably not in the rational range of thinking, but I WAS in a magical land full of flying, talking ponies for Christ sake so I didn't throw anything out of the realm of possibilities. Still the thought of not getting the answers I wanted swirled around my head like a hurricane and made me worry.

As we walked along the path, we came across a group of ponies that looked to be selling flowers. I waved at to white one with a red mane and she promptly passed out. As soon as that happened, all hell broke loose. The other two, one pink with a yellow mane and the other looked like a damn carrot, took off screaming about a monster and how its going to eat them and kill everypony. It took me a minute until it dawned on me that they were talking about me. Needless to say, my self confidence REALLY didn't need that. Fluttershy gave me an apologetic look.

"Sorry about the flower sisters, they do this every time they see something they don't understand." She looked at the ground sullen. I lifted her chin up so her eyes would meet mine.

"You don't have to apologise on the behalf of them, you didn't do anything, and its not that big of a deal. What's the worst that could happen?" If there had ever been a moment in my life where I had regretted the words coming out of my mouth as I said them, it was now. The screaming and panicking stopped as the mares disappeared, but was soon replaced with angry shouts and threats as an angry mob rounded a corner. Pitchforks and all, these som-bitches meant buisness! I turned to Fluttershy with a worried look on my face.

"So um... Twilights place sounds good, yeah?" She nodded and we both took off, me following her.

We sprinted around the last corner before Twilight's house, mob still in tow and bum to the safety that was the tree-brairy. As soon as we entered I held the door shut as Fluttershy went to look for Twilight. The angry towns ponies banging on the door and yelling was cause for Fluttershy to hasten her search. She flew up the stairs and out of my view as I tryed to hold off the entire town with just a door. Needless to say, they were winning. I was about to let the door open and start fighting off the ponies when a sight for sore eyes trotted down the stairs.

"Twilight! Listen, I don't have time to explain but I need your help!" She gave me a funny look and looked past me at the door.

"Sounds like somepony is at the door, and what do you need my help with?" Just then, the door exploded into splinters and shards of wood flew everywhere, some even having enough force to stick into the walls behind Twilight. I went flying as well, straight towards her and not purposefully glomping her into the floor of the library. Good thing to because a chunk of wood the size of my fist flew and stuck into the bookshelf Twilight had been standing in front of.

The chaos over and done with, a unicorn stood at the door with a pitchfork and torch in hand-er-.. magic, and stepped inside. However, the repercussions of being that close to an explosion of that magnitude, is significant temporary hearing loss. Its called tenidis. You know the ringing in your ears after a concert? Yeah, imagine that but times twenty. Anyways, he was shouting all sorts of what I imagine was bullshit but all it sounded like was muffled douchebag. Checking myself for injury, before standing up and getting off Twilight, I helped her up. Looking above me on the stairs, I noticed Fluttershy curled up in a ball. Douchebag still talking shit in the background, I walked around to the stairs, carefully avoiding the sharp shards of wood everywher, I made my way to her.

There was blood. Not just a little either, a lot.

Author's Note

Well I'm going to try to get started on the next chapter as soon as possible but idk when it will be out. But, I will say this, for every like I get on this story from now on, I'll put out a new chapter. Let me know what you think of this chapter in the comments or in a message. Thanks for reading!

Dungeons and getting poked with a pitchfork

I rushed over to Fluttershy to check her wounds and found a large piece of wood embedded in her barrel. I checked to see if she was still breathing, and she was, but just barely. I looked back down at Twilight with a worried expression and yelled for her to get up here. I could barely hear myself yell because of the ringing in my ears, but I guess Twilight got the message. She rushed up the stairs and gasped as she saw Fluttershy. I told her to stay calm and put pressure on her wound, while I dealt with the mob of ponies.

Walking down the stairs, staring at the offending unicorn, I was furious. White hot rage over took me, and when I reached him, I blacked out. I came to and he was on the ground bleeding from every hole in his face. The other ponies looked at me in a mixture of fear and surprise. I looked down, shakely at my blood speckled hands. I took a deep breath in and I stepped over his unconscious body to stand by what used to be a door. Glaring at the crowd of ponies, I spoke in a calm tone.

"Do you see what happens when ignorant impulse over takes rational thought?" I sighed and looked about the crowd of gathered ponies. " I suggest you all leave." They were still standing there. "NOW!" I yelled. That was all it took and they turned tail and ran. I turned back around and looked at the unicorn who was just now regaining consciousness. Leaning down, I made sure we were face to face. His eyes fluttered slightly open and lazily raised to meet mine. When they did, fear shot them wide open. I grabbed his face in my hands to make sure he stayed looking at me. With a cool and collected look upon my face I smiled. "You wanted a monster, I'll show you a monster." Picking him up by his neck, I smiled a toothy grin.

Magic is really unfair. Like, REALLY unfair. I was righteously choke slamming the dirt bag who hurt the closest thing I've had to a friend in a long time before I realised I was about fifteen feet away from him, in a bookcase. The fuck right? Well judging from the unconscious body lying limp on the floor that I recognized as Mr. Asshat unicorn, I could only guess it was Twilight who ragdolled my ass. I was still trying to get my head to stop spinning so I didn't hear the yelling, it was just a muted noise. Before I could truly understand what the fuck was going on, a flash of white light further impaired my perception of my surroundings. When I could see again, a huge white horse was standing in the middle of the room, and she looked PISSED.

Before I could even react, I felt myself floating across the room at speeds that are illegal in Germany. I stopped inches away from the white horse and saw her mouth moving but I couldn't hear her. So I uttered a simple word to help her understand my plight.

"WHAT?!" Ok, so maybe it was more like screamed it in her face but I don't have time for semantics. She glared at me further before I felt light headed and I could hear again. Magic, amirite? Her velvety smooth voice graiced my ears for the first time,

"You must be the creature Twilight spoke of," She glanced down at the unconscious unicorn next to her, "I assume you know him?" She rhetorically asked me, then sighed. "What exactly has happened here?" I recounted the events that lead up to now as quickly as I could,

"Its just kind of a domino effect you know? One thing lead to another and now I don't really know what to do." I glanced back at the staircase and saw Twilight looking helpless while still putting pressure on the wound. I looked back at the white horse with a face of determination. "First and foremost, we need to get Fluttershy to a hospital." She looked past me and saw her state, she let out a gasp and dropped me flat on my ass. Maybe It's because I wasn't paying attention to it, maybe its because I'm an idiot, but it didn't register in my head just how high off the ground I was, but it soon came to me. Much like the ground.

After the white horse, who's name I learned was Celestia and who was also a princess, checked Fluttershy's wounds, she teleported her and the quivering pile of unicorn on the ground to the hospital. Leaving just me and Twilight alone with our thoughts.

"Sooo..." There was a long pause. I glanced back at Twilight. "I've got a few questions only you might be able to answer."

Author's Note

Holy balls. I gotta tell ya, I didn't think I'd ever get around to writing another chapter of this story. But I suppose boredom got the best of me. Whoever actually reads this, I hope you get some enjoyment out of it because I enjoyed writing it.

Well F%$# Me With a Ten Foot Pole...

"Soo.... Can you help me?" I asked hopeful. Though the look on Twilight's face pretty much gave the answer away.

"I'm not entirely sure how you got here either, or why you're here." She gave a crestfallen look. "I'm sorry." My gut instinct figured she knew as much as I did but my heart refused to believe it. Stupid thing, hope is. It gets you excited with false promises of whatever you wish to have, and tears those promises to shreds along with the joy you had once its time to collect.

"I figured this much, I- I just had to make sure." I looked down at the ground, not wanting to look up at Twilights face.

"Actually, I might have a theory of how you got here." A new voice chimed in, Celestia, if I wasn't mistaken. I turned to face the sound coming from behind me. "Luna noticed a disturbance in her night sky a day before Twilight told me of a creature that was not anything she had ever seen before. I do not believe in coincidence, living for as long as I have, you learn not to." I gave her a puzzled look before glancing back at Twilight who looked like she had just had a revelation.

"So Princess, are you saying something from space sent him here?" Good job decoding what she said because I had no fucking clue. I'd rather the theory of me being dead and this being some sort of purgatory. It seemed just about as pluasable as just shooting from space onto a planet filled with techno colored donkeys that talked. Celestia nodded her head,

"I'm not sure of how exactly, but from what Luna was say-" I cut her off.

"Wait, Princess Luna? The blue horse who invaded my world like I was playing dark souls? You know her or something?" Celestia rolled her eyes at this and nodded.

"That would be Luna. She tends to take a more direct approach in pursuing the things she wants. I apologise on her behalf, but do not misjudge her, she is as kind hearted as anypony, just stuck in her old ways." From the hard to read look on Celestia's face, I guessed there was some family turmoil in there somewhere. Been there done that, one time, my sister drank my chocolate milk so I threw her through a wall in our old house... Not exactly my crowning achievement.

"Nah she seemed alright its just she kinda raped my privacy by barging into my dreams and basically asking me to be a slave to the media. Other than that she seemed cool. She had cool hair at least." I shrugged and motioned for her to continue talking.

"Right... As I was saying, Luna said a star cluster she hadn't manifested herself appeared and as quick as it appeared, in a bright flash it was gone. She's not sure how it happened or what it was but she's doing the research to find out." I nodded and smiled sweetly at Celestia.

"So what you're saying is you still have no idea?" Celestia nodded. "Well fuck."

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

After all my questions were left unanswered we left and headed to the hospital to go check on Fluttershy. When we got there the nurse let us in because Princess horse commanded it. More like she asked politely and the nurse damn near shit herself when she turned around. Anyway we made our way to Fluttershy's room and walked in to see her sitting up and hooked up to a gaggle of thing like heart monitors and such. The blood soaked bandage on her side is what worried me.

"Hey Fluttershy, you look pretty banged up, how are you holding up?" The unease was clear in my voice. Hospitals had never been in my list of favorite places just because of what they're for. Something about the thought of being in a place where people ( or ponies in this case ) had died wasn't something I wanted to think about. Thankfully the happy look Fluttershy gave me cleared all the worry away.

"Oh hey Jay, did you get to talk to Twilight?" She looked past me at Twilight and waved. She waved back.

"Yeah I did, but she knows about as much as I do why I'm here or how I got here. So I guess I'm stuck here until Princess Luna does her research." She frowned.

"I'm sorry I couldn't help more Jay." I smiled, looking at her.

"You helped more than enough, obviously," I geustured to her wounds. "But I guess I'll be staying here for a while. And since I don't have a place to stay, I was wondering if I could stay with you? Once you get out of the hospital of course." I looked up at Fluttershy with hopeful eyes.

"No."

Author's Note

Another update cuz fuck it. Happy reading!

Well that Descalated Quickly

In any other circumstance, children's laughter is one of the best things ever. But when you're an alien, stuck on a Foreign world, in someone else's house basicly, its terrifying. I looked around, trying to find a fast exit, so I don't get caught by the kids because I didn't want to deal with the back lash of having to explain to their parents why I was in a children's club house. It would just be awkward.

I took a quick peek out the window and saw them. I guess the correct term for them was foals but ta-ma-toe ta-mah-toe. One of the foals was a light yellow with a red mane and a big pink bow that bounced about while she walked. Another one of the foals was white with a blue and pink mane. She also had a horn. That last foal was orange with a purple mane. She was buzzing her bug like wings to propel her make shift scooter. They were giggling and chatting about whatever little girls talk about.

After staring at them like creeper for a straight minute, I remembered I needed to find a way out, lest I have to deal with a minor inconvenience. I tried blitzing towards the door as a last ditch effort but it was no use. Just before I reached the door, I heard voices on the other side and froze. I searched around the room for something to hide behind. I picked my hiding place and hoped they wouldn't see me.

"Well ah guess we aren't gonna get our cutie marks in kick boxing." The one with the bow said sadly. Wait... kick boxing? What the hell is up with these ponies?!

"Look at the bright side Applebloom, that's something we can cross off our list!" Well now we have a name for the yellow one, the one talking was the white one. Applebloom sounds a familiar... maybe shes Applejack's sister? Oh well I sit still and listen as the third one walks in.

"Sweetie Belle our list is still over 9000!" When she said that I started giggling like a retard and I think they heard considering their reaction.

"Holy crap! What the heck is behind our lamp?!" Damn orange foal ruining my perfect hiding spot by alerting her friends of my location. I came out from behind the lamp and rubbed the back of my head.

"Um... hi?" I said. They didn't have much to say afterwards because I think their jaws literally hit the floor. The first one to talk was Applebloom.

"Are you that A-Leen thing mah sister was talkin' bout yesterday?"

"Um... yes?"

"Cool!!" They all spoke in unison.

Author's Note

I don't know how often I'll update this story but I'd appreciate some feedback or what you like/dislike about this story.