They say that guilt can eat you alive. Applejack never knew just how true that was.
At first, she was happy. Every time she was with Rainbow, she couldn’t help but smile. But soon, the guilt set in.
After having spent so long hiding her emotions, she expected a weight to be lifted from her shoulders, and, admittedly, there was. But it was soon to be replaced by a much heavier one: the weight of a decision. A decision the likes of which could prove to tear apart the very fabric of their friendship.
And she was scared.
Applejack let out a pent-up sigh and fell back onto her bed. What would happen if she made the wrong choice? It wouldn’t only ruin her relationship with Dash, but her friendship with the rest of their gang. That was something she couldn’t live without.
She turned to her chest of drawers and examined her belongings. Everything was just where she expected it to be. That is, except for her signature Stetson; she had given it to a sleepless Rainbow who had come knocking on her window last night. She hadn’t seen hide nor hair of either the hat or the pony since then. It was probably for the best: more time to think about what she had to do.
A fresh wave of guilt slammed into the earth pony full force. Her actions were justified, right? It’s not like she had been leading Dash on, although the pegasus was sure to take it that way. If fact, it was the exact opposite.
She loved Rainbow too much to stay with her.
Rainbow was changing. Ever since they had started dating, things had been… different. Although she was sure Dashie loved spending time with her, it was clear that she itched to be in the sky instead of stuck on the ground with her. She wanted to be performing her daring stunts up in the sky, impressing Ponyville with her special talent.
It was in the nature of pegasi—they were meant to be among the clouds, not down on earth with lowly farmers like herself. As much as she hated thinking it, she knew it was true. In time, Dashie would get tired of soil and would fly up to bigger and better things, leaving AJ down on the ground, alone.
All of that got her thinking—what would happen when Rainbow became a Wonderbolt? It wasn’t a question. She would become a Wonderbolt. After the whole ‘Best Young Flier’ fiasco, Spitfire and Soarin’ had told the rest of the gang that they planned on recruiting Rainbow as soon as she was old enough. Heck, some of the Wonderbolts were trying to find loopholes around the whole ‘minimum age thing’. They all really wanted her Dashie on their team, and she couldn’t blame them. She was the only pony in the Equestria who could pull off a sonic rainboom.
Once Rainbow was on the team, she would have training and performances to worry about. She would barely have enough time to breathe, let alone to visit AJ. At first, she thought she had been selling her friend short; she was the element of loyalty after all. But the more she thought about it, the more it made sense. She had wanted to be a Wonderbolt since she was a little filly, right? She had met AJ many years after that. It only made sense that she was more loyal to the Wonderbolts than her.
Applejack turned to face the clock. It read 11:32 pm. Looks like she wasn’t going to be getting any sleep tonight. She hadn’t slept properly in weeks because of the thoughts plaguing her mind.
A gentle knock at her window jerked her from her train of thought. AJ turned her head to the side to look at her window, only to see a rainbow-maned pegasus staring back at her. Applejack slowly made her way over to the window.
Once there, she turned around to face her bedroom door, listening carefully for the any traces of her family being awake. She heard the faint breathing of Applebloom in the room over, and the obnoxiously loud snoring of Big Mac a few doors down. She couldn’t help but smile. It was funny how such a quiet pony like her brother could snore so loudly.
Applejack opened up her window, letting Rainbow inside. She gave the pony in front of her a once-over; Rainbow donned her stetson and was carrying a large bouquet of rainbow roses in her mouth. All together, she looked quite flustered. Applejack laughed, taking the flowers from her and placing them on her dresser.
Now that Rainbow was able to speak, she said, “Applejack, I—”
“Shhh! I don’t want ya to wake up my whole family,” Applejack interjected.
The red hue that already tainted Dash’s cheeks deepened. “S-Sorry, AJ. I-I brought you some flowers…” she finished lamely.
Applejack laughed. It was moments like this that she was going to miss the most. “Thank ya, sugarcube. Where in Equestria did ya go about gettin’ all those fancy colored flowers?”
Rainbow sighed. “Roseluck made ‘em special for me. Something about cross genetics and food coloring. But sweet Celestia, she gave me a hard time about it. She really wanted to know who I was getting them for.”
“Did ya tell her?
“No. And she wasn’t very happy about it.”
AJ smiled weakly in response. If Roseluck knew, then that was just another person to complicate things when she broke their relationship off. Not even their friends knew, and they probably never would. As much as she hated thinking it, she knew it was better off that way.
“So why did ya wait ‘til now to bring ‘em? Roseluck closes up shop around six, so ya had to have had ‘em before then.”
“Because I knew you’d be working during the day, and I thought that…” she trailed off, realizing Applejack wasn’t buying it.
“Can I stay here tonight?” Rainbow asked bluntly. “I couldn’t sleep last night, even with your hat…”
“So what your tryin’ ta say is ya were butterin’ me up with these flowers?”
“No! I mean, maybe a little…”
The farm pony giggled. “Alright, sugarcube. But just this once. Don’t start thinkin’ ya can stay here every night.”
Rainbow Dash’s face broke into a grin of victory. She quickly leapt onto AJ’s bed and stretched out, getting ready to sleep.
Applejack sighed. She owed Rainbow this. Chances are it would probably be the last time the two would share a bed ever again.
Applejack didn’t sleep a wink. The clock currently read 4:41 am, and she would have to get up soon to tend to the farm. She supposed it would be better to get an early start on the day than to sit here and dread what was to come.
She carefully untangled herself from Rainbow and made her way over to the door. As soon as she placed her hoof on the doorknob, a tired voice permeated the darkness. “Where... where are you going?”
Applejack turned around to face Rainbow. “Ah gotta work.”
Rainbow’s eyes bored into her soul. After a moment of silence, she said, “Why don’t you ever stay here with me?”
Applejack could feel herself choking up. It was now or never. “RD, we gotta talk.”
The look of fear in Rainbow's eyes was enough to bring Applejack on the verge of tears. “Ah think it would be best if we b-broke up…” she choked out.
Applejack shuffled her hooves, uncomfortable with the situation. After a few more moments of silence, she dared to look up at Rainbow. What she saw scared her. There were no waterworks. There was no begging her to stay. All there was was pain. Pure, raw, unadulterated pain.
Before Applejack even knew what was happening, there were tears streaming down her cheeks. You know the saying if you love something, let it go? Applejack cursed the very pony who came up with it.
Rainbow spoke up, tears now flowing freely down her face too. “W-Why? D-Do you hate me? Was everything you confessed to me a lie?”
Applejack winced. “Sugarcube, t’aint no way I could ever hate ya. And I don’t lie. I’m the element of honesty. I can’t lie.”
“Then… then why?”
Applejack sighed. “I see how ya long to be in the sky when you’re with me. Ya wanna fly, so that’s whatcha gotta do.”
“AJ, I can fly and date you! I don’t have to quit doing one of them!” Rainbow said, exasperated.
Applejack let out a weak laugh. “Maybe right now ya can, but what happens when ya join the Wonderbolts? You're gonna be away all of the time, and I’m gonna miss ya. We… we've gotta break up if ya ever want to join the Wonderbolts, and the longer we draw it out, the more we’re both gonna be hurtin’ when ya leave fer real. It… it’s better this way.”
“I… I won’t join the Wonderbolts then.”
Applejack glared at the pegasus. “Now you’re not bein’ fair to yourself, sugarcube. You've wanted to be a Wonderbolt all your life.”
Rainbow sighed, seeing the truth in her words. After exhaling loudly, she spoke, “AJ… I love you.”
“Ah love ya too, sugarcube.”
As the sun began to push up over the horizon, a fresh wave of tears began to flow down Rainbow’s face. Both of them sat there in an uncomfortable silence. What more was there left to say? The farmer pulled Rainbow into one last warm embrace. They sat there like that for what seemed like hours.
Eventually, Applejack whispered, “I’m sorry, Rainbow…”
With that, the pegasus pulled away from the earth pony. She shot AJ one last pained glance before taking off through the window. She flew out into morning sky, disappearing into the vibrant colors of the sunrise.
Applejack turned to look at the multicolored bouquet of roses Rainbow had given her last night. She let out another sigh. Maybe someday if the circumstances allowed it, they could get back together. But right now, she only had one option— she had to let her Rainbow soar.
