Rincewind in Equestria

Rincewind was miserable. From pointy hat to pointy shoe he was covered in mud, dirt, twigs and moss. He had been wandering aimlessly for hours now, trying to get his bearings, as well as trying to locate civilization. His voice was hoarse, to, he had screamed so much the first hour. The first part of the scream was still from the shock of falling off the Disc, the second half of the scream had been from the shock of not knowing where he was.

Grumbling to himself, Rincewind went on, there had to be civilization somewhere, there was always civilization, it was just a matter of distance. Of course the distance itself often proved to be the problem.

“Thanks again Twilight” Fluttershy said, a happy little smile on her face.
“That’s okay Fluttershy, the hill outside the forest is a great spot for a picnic, I’ve been told the view is fantastic” the Alicorn replied.
“I hope you’re not mad at me for forgetting the picnic”
“Oh that’s okay, there all packed, lets go get the girls” Twilight said as she levitated the last sandwich into the basket.
With that the two friends left the library and headed down to Sugarcube corner to pick up their excitable friend, Pinkie.

Rincewind was hungry, very, very hungry. He had risked eating some mushrooms he had found earlier, hoping they weren’t poisonous. He felt fine, he hadn’t died, and he wasn’t hallucinating, so there was that, but he was still hungry.

Pinkie Pie bounced happily after he two friends, carrying a white box on her back. With each bounce it flew into the air, only to land safely again on her back. She had spent all night working on it. The cake was divided into six different colored sections. A pink frosted section was covered in cotton candy and pieces of candy. A yellow frosted section was decorated with butterfly sprinkles. The blue frosted section had rainbow sprinkles. The orange frosted part was decorated with a single apple slice. The white was dotted with glimmering pieces of blue rock candy. And finally the last, the purple frosted section had no decorations at all. It was just plain and simple.

Rincewind stumbled out of the thorn bush. He was coated in mud after sliding down the wet hill and his robe now sported several large protrusions in the form of twigs and leaves, not to mention the countless thorns and burrs. Rincewind kept on going. He had to find civilization sooner or later.

“It’s a shame Rarity can’t come” Pinkie said sadly “I made a slice just for her”
“Don’t let it get to ya sugarcube” Applejack comforted “She just had a big order to fill, I’m sure we can take the slice to her later, when she aint too busy”
“Here we are girls” Twilight announced as they came to a hill overlooking the forest “Rainbow Dash should be here any minute now”
“Here she comes now” Applejack pointed out as a rainbow blur sped toward the hill.

Rincewind removed the frog that was resting atop his hat and dragged himself out of the pond. The log had looked sturdy enough, but the inside was nothing but moldy sawdust and termites. Rincewind spat out a little stream of water and tore off the pond scum that was clinging to his damp robes.

The picnic had been lovely, the girls all had a great time. Pinkie’s desert went down great, her friends all loved it. And Rainbow Dash showed off some of her best moves in the sky above the hill.

Fluttershy politely excused herself and trotted off into the forest. It was time to check up on the little opossums.

Rincewind’s shoes squelched moistly as he walked. He was cold and shivering and covered in all sorts of debris. In just a few hours he looked like a man who’d been marooned on an island for years. His face was blank, his eyes looked dead. Civilization had to be around here somewhere. He had to stumble on it sooner or later right? Unfortunately Rincewind had the feeling he was walking around in circles.

“Mr. and Mrs. Opossum?” Fluttershy called gently “Hello? Mr. and Mrs. Opossum?”
They had to be around here somewhere. But where? She thought she heard some noises by a thick copse of trees and bushes. Where they there? It was worth investigating.

Fluttershy poked her head into the copse. Nothing. A twig snapped behind her. Fluttershy froze. She slowly turned around, there behind her was a towering, unseemly shape. The sun was shining directly above it, so she could only see its silhouette. It stood taller than her, and had a pointy head. She squeaked and took off.

Rincewind jumped. Something had just squealed behind him breaking him out of his stupor. Wasting no time Rincewind scurried up a tree.

Fluttershy hurried out of the forest, up the hill and planted herself, shaking like a leaf, behind Twilight. “Fluttershy!?” Twilight exclaimed in surprise “What’s wrong?”
“M-m-m-“
“M-m-marshmallows?” Pinkie asked helpfully. Fluttershy shook her head.
“M-m-mon-mon”
“Monkey?”
“M-monster!” She squeaked. “I was out there looking for my possum friends and I looked around and I saw it!” Fluttershy blurted out, trembling. “It was big and had a pointy head!”
There was a moment’s pause.
“Well what are y’all waiting fer?” Applejack asked “Whatever it is its close to Ponyville”
“Applejack is right” Twilight responded “We should go check it out, it could be dangerous”
“M-maybe we shouldn’t” Fluttershy added, none of her friends heard her. They were already marching into the woods.

Rincewind scanned the forest floor. It looked clear. Whatever it was behind must have left. Maybe he was just imagining things. Cautiously he lowered himself to the ground. Making sure once again that everything was safe Rincewind continued, carefully, on his journey.

The forest thinned out just ahead. He could see fields. Maybe there was a town somewhere nearby. He hadn’t gotten far when a group of five brightly colored creatures popped into view. Rincewind stopped. Maybe those had been hallucinogenic mushrooms he consumed earlier.

The creatures stopped right in front of him. They looked angry for some reason. Well four of them looked angry, one of them looked scared. Rincewind stared at them for a while.

“Shoo” he said hoping to drive them off, he didn’t know what they were but he wanted nothing to do with them “Go on shoo” he waved his hat at them, nothing happened.

“That’s far enough” one of the things said. A purple one, with wings and a sharp looking spike sticking out of her forehead.

Rincewind assumed it was a she from its voice. He closed his eyes and scrunched up his face trying to banish the illusions. He opened his eyes again, they were still there, and giving him inquisitive looks. He tried again, this time with more force. Nothing.
“Uhh…what are you doing?”
“Trying to make you go away”
“…ooookay” The purple one paused a moment, this was all very strange “How exactly?”
“I’m trying to stop hallucinating you, now if you wouldn’t mind keeping quiet so I can concentrate”
“Hallucinating?”
“Yes hallucinating, I ate some mushrooms earlier and they had to have been poisonous, NNNGGHHHH!”
“Are you…okay?”
“I will be as soon as I get you out of my head! NNNNGGGHHHH!” Rincewind began rubbing his temple viciously.
“You do know we’re not hallucinations…right?”
“Of course you are! Don’t be stupid, when do you ever encounter small, brightly colored horses?”
“Ponies”
“What”
We’re ponies, not horses”
“Sorry, when do you ever encounter brightly colored ponies outside of a dream or something? Not often I can tell you”

Twilight approached the creature cautiously. She reached out with her hoof, and tapped the creature.

Rincewind froze. The purple creature had just touched him.
“We’re not hallucinations”
Rincewind screamed.