Rincewind in Equestria

by Goblindude

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Princess Luna, Comedy, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Crossover
Length: 3488

After finding himself in the land of Equestria the wizard Rincewind must find his way back home, or stay and make friends. Whichever happens first.

Rincewind falls off the Disc and straight into Equestria. Adventure ensues.

I wrote a similar story to this on Fanfiction, it wasn't very good, and I couldn't find any Discworld/Pony crossovers so I decided to write this.

Published 2013-12-11 23:00:04 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-14 04:25:29 UTC

Chapter 1

“Things just Happen, what the hell” Didactylos

Across the vast expanse of the universe, the giant turtle, Great A’tuin, swims. See how majestic it is, its massive shell marked with countless craters. See atop its mighty back the four great elephants! See how they carry upon their strong shoulders the Discworld. See the Discworld, it is flat. See in its center the great spire of the Cori Celesti, and atop it Dunmanifestin, the home of the gods. See the majestic Rim, where the ocean pours over the edge of the Disc. See the Rinbow that forms below it, see its eight colors.

See the tiny tropical island on the edge of the Disc. See the little man running. See the little islanders chasing after him. Of course everything looks little from such a great height. If one were to get closer they would see that the little man wasn’t so little. The islanders weren’t so little either, as a matter of fact they were very big. And they looked very angry.

See as they run through the jungle. See all the spears and arrows flying through the air. See the chest on little pink legs chasing after them. The man is running very fast, he’s used to running, it happens often in his life. See him run right off the edge. See him fall. See the skeleton in the black cloak, you know who he is. See him ready his scythe. See the coconut on the tree above him. See it fall. See him miss.
BLAST, ALMOST HAD HIM THERE FOR A SECOND.
SQUEEK?
Death looked down, by his side stood a tiny figure wrapped up in a black cloak much like his.
OH, HELLO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
SQUEEK, SQUEEK SQUEEK. SQUEEK.
OH I SEE, THAT MANY?
SQUEEK.
I GUESS RATS DON’T ALWAYS FLEE A SINKING SHIP THEN.
SQUEEK. SQUEE?
WELL YES, I AM RATHER DISAPOINTED, IT’S NOT EVERYDAY SOMEONE FALLS OFF THE RIM YOU KNOW.
SQUEEK, SQUEEK SQUEEK, SQUEEK, SQUEE SQUEEK!
OH I DON’T KNOW, HE’S DOWN THERE SOMEWHERE. CAN’T IMAGINE HE’LL SURVIVE LONG, THERE’S NO OXYGEN.
SQUEEK!
I DON’T THINK THAT WILL BE NECESSARY, I CAN JUS-
The smaller of the two figures leapt over the edge.
OH DEAR.
Death became aware of the noise of feet, many little feet. A large chest came tumbling over the edge as well. Death stood there a moment.
THIS SHOULD PROOVE INTERESTING.

And just like that it happened. It didn’t take long, now did it. Sometimes things don’t take long, sometimes they just happen. One thing leads to another and poof! You’ve got a story. Rincewind fell, he fell right off the world and kept on falling. He did what anyone would do in this position. He screamed. His hands gripped the brim of his hat, it was a tattered mess of sequins, with the word WIZZARD written across it. If one couldn't tell by the look of the hat, or by what was written on it, Rincewind was a wizard. Not a very good wizard, in fact he was a very bad wizard. It wasn't his first time off of the Disc, but it was his first time falling off. He was running so fast he couldn't see the edge, and by the time he did...well at least he was away from those islanders and their spears.

There was a problem however, a big one. He was off the Disc! There was no oxygen. He wouldn't be able to breath, he'd die in the cold, unforgiving vacuum of space- wait. There was something below him. He could see shades of green and blue. You didn't see those in the cold vacuum of space. Speaking of which it wasn't very cold, at least it had been a little colder. Rincewind didn't know what was going on and he didn't like it. Then again if he did know what was going on he would be even more upset.

Rincewind kept on screaming, it just seemed natural.

It was late at night in Equestria. The moon was high in the sky. A certain Pegasus with a rainbow mane, you know who she is, was fast asleep in her cloud house, snoring loudly. Being a Pegasus meant she could both walk, and sleep, on clouds. This was very useful, because otherwise she’d fall straight through, much like the strange figure that fell screaming through her bedroom and into the forest below. Rainbow Dash stirred a bit in her sleep then continued snoring.

It was early the next morning when the Pegasus Fluttershy awoke. She was used to waking up early. She stretched her wings, yawned, and hoped out of bed. Today was going to be a wonderful day, she could tell. Don’t ask how she could tell, sometimes it just feels like its going to be a wonderful day, usually when it feels like a wonderful day, however, it turns out to be a not so wonderful day after all.

Fluttershy skipped down her stairs happily and began making breakfast. She hummed to herself. She felt like it was going to be a wonderful day. She was going to go into the nice little forest on the other side of Ponyville to bring nuts and seeds to the little squirrels and birds that lived there. That and she wanted to check up on the family of opossums she met there last time. She was eager to see how big they’d gotten.

She sighed happily to herself, she couldn’t wait to see their happy little faces. She quickly filled a small bag with seeds and placed it in her saddle bags. She was almost out the door when a small rabbit leapt into her path.

“Oh! Angel Bunny! What is the matter? I fed you before leaving didn’t I?”
Angel responded only by crossing his forelegs and glaring up at her.

“Is something wrong?”
Angel shook his head and produced a calendar from behind his back.

“You…want a new calendar?”
Angel shook his head again and shoved the calendar into Fluttershy’s face, tapping at a date with a red checkmark.

“Oh, that’s today’s date…was I supposed to do something today?”
Angel nodded.

“Something with all my friends?”
Angel nodded

“Something…something… *GASP* the picnic!”
She had forgotten all about the picnic she had planned on taking with her friends. Twilight had scheduled it for today. Panic gripped Fluttershy as she prepared to take off.

“I’m going to be late! Oh dear!” she cried.
She was stopped, however, by Angel gripping her tail. She stopped fluttering her wings. Angel pointed to the clock on the wall in her house. It was 6:30.

Fluttershy blushed.
“Oh I guess I’m not late then…wait! Maybe I can talk to Twilight about having the picnic in the forest!”
Angel rolled his eyes.

“That way I can meet my friends and feed the animals! Oh thank you Angel! You’re always have the best ideas” she said, scooping the bunny up for a hug.

Yes, that was a great idea, she could still have the picnic with her friends, and check up on the baby possums. Today was going to be a wonderful day.

For someone else however, it was not a wonderful day, not in the least. The last thing Rincewind remembered was falling over the side of the Disc, and waking up, cold, sore and muddy in some forest somewhere. He had no idea where he was, or how he got there, and more importantly, he had no idea where his luggage was.

Chapter 2

Rincewind was miserable. From pointy hat to pointy shoe he was covered in mud, dirt, twigs and moss. He had been wandering aimlessly for hours now, trying to get his bearings, as well as trying to locate civilization. His voice was hoarse, to, he had screamed so much the first hour. The first part of the scream was still from the shock of falling off the Disc, the second half of the scream had been from the shock of not knowing where he was.

Grumbling to himself, Rincewind went on, there had to be civilization somewhere, there was always civilization, it was just a matter of distance. Of course the distance itself often proved to be the problem.

“Thanks again Twilight” Fluttershy said, a happy little smile on her face.
“That’s okay Fluttershy, the hill outside the forest is a great spot for a picnic, I’ve been told the view is fantastic” the Alicorn replied.
“I hope you’re not mad at me for forgetting the picnic”
“Oh that’s okay, there all packed, lets go get the girls” Twilight said as she levitated the last sandwich into the basket.
With that the two friends left the library and headed down to Sugarcube corner to pick up their excitable friend, Pinkie.

Rincewind was hungry, very, very hungry. He had risked eating some mushrooms he had found earlier, hoping they weren’t poisonous. He felt fine, he hadn’t died, and he wasn’t hallucinating, so there was that, but he was still hungry.

Pinkie Pie bounced happily after he two friends, carrying a white box on her back. With each bounce it flew into the air, only to land safely again on her back. She had spent all night working on it. The cake was divided into six different colored sections. A pink frosted section was covered in cotton candy and pieces of candy. A yellow frosted section was decorated with butterfly sprinkles. The blue frosted section had rainbow sprinkles. The orange frosted part was decorated with a single apple slice. The white was dotted with glimmering pieces of blue rock candy. And finally the last, the purple frosted section had no decorations at all. It was just plain and simple.

Rincewind stumbled out of the thorn bush. He was coated in mud after sliding down the wet hill and his robe now sported several large protrusions in the form of twigs and leaves, not to mention the countless thorns and burrs. Rincewind kept on going. He had to find civilization sooner or later.

“It’s a shame Rarity can’t come” Pinkie said sadly “I made a slice just for her”
“Don’t let it get to ya sugarcube” Applejack comforted “She just had a big order to fill, I’m sure we can take the slice to her later, when she aint too busy”
“Here we are girls” Twilight announced as they came to a hill overlooking the forest “Rainbow Dash should be here any minute now”
“Here she comes now” Applejack pointed out as a rainbow blur sped toward the hill.

Rincewind removed the frog that was resting atop his hat and dragged himself out of the pond. The log had looked sturdy enough, but the inside was nothing but moldy sawdust and termites. Rincewind spat out a little stream of water and tore off the pond scum that was clinging to his damp robes.

The picnic had been lovely, the girls all had a great time. Pinkie’s desert went down great, her friends all loved it. And Rainbow Dash showed off some of her best moves in the sky above the hill.

Fluttershy politely excused herself and trotted off into the forest. It was time to check up on the little opossums.

Rincewind’s shoes squelched moistly as he walked. He was cold and shivering and covered in all sorts of debris. In just a few hours he looked like a man who’d been marooned on an island for years. His face was blank, his eyes looked dead. Civilization had to be around here somewhere. He had to stumble on it sooner or later right? Unfortunately Rincewind had the feeling he was walking around in circles.

“Mr. and Mrs. Opossum?” Fluttershy called gently “Hello? Mr. and Mrs. Opossum?”
They had to be around here somewhere. But where? She thought she heard some noises by a thick copse of trees and bushes. Where they there? It was worth investigating.

Fluttershy poked her head into the copse. Nothing. A twig snapped behind her. Fluttershy froze. She slowly turned around, there behind her was a towering, unseemly shape. The sun was shining directly above it, so she could only see its silhouette. It stood taller than her, and had a pointy head. She squeaked and took off.

Rincewind jumped. Something had just squealed behind him breaking him out of his stupor. Wasting no time Rincewind scurried up a tree.

Fluttershy hurried out of the forest, up the hill and planted herself, shaking like a leaf, behind Twilight. “Fluttershy!?” Twilight exclaimed in surprise “What’s wrong?”
“M-m-m-“
“M-m-marshmallows?” Pinkie asked helpfully. Fluttershy shook her head.
“M-m-mon-mon”
“Monkey?”
“M-monster!” She squeaked. “I was out there looking for my possum friends and I looked around and I saw it!” Fluttershy blurted out, trembling. “It was big and had a pointy head!”
There was a moment’s pause.
“Well what are y’all waiting fer?” Applejack asked “Whatever it is its close to Ponyville”
“Applejack is right” Twilight responded “We should go check it out, it could be dangerous”
“M-maybe we shouldn’t” Fluttershy added, none of her friends heard her. They were already marching into the woods.

Rincewind scanned the forest floor. It looked clear. Whatever it was behind must have left. Maybe he was just imagining things. Cautiously he lowered himself to the ground. Making sure once again that everything was safe Rincewind continued, carefully, on his journey.

The forest thinned out just ahead. He could see fields. Maybe there was a town somewhere nearby. He hadn’t gotten far when a group of five brightly colored creatures popped into view. Rincewind stopped. Maybe those had been hallucinogenic mushrooms he consumed earlier.

The creatures stopped right in front of him. They looked angry for some reason. Well four of them looked angry, one of them looked scared. Rincewind stared at them for a while.

“Shoo” he said hoping to drive them off, he didn’t know what they were but he wanted nothing to do with them “Go on shoo” he waved his hat at them, nothing happened.

“That’s far enough” one of the things said. A purple one, with wings and a sharp looking spike sticking out of her forehead.

Rincewind assumed it was a she from its voice. He closed his eyes and scrunched up his face trying to banish the illusions. He opened his eyes again, they were still there, and giving him inquisitive looks. He tried again, this time with more force. Nothing.
“Uhh…what are you doing?”
“Trying to make you go away”
“…ooookay” The purple one paused a moment, this was all very strange “How exactly?”
“I’m trying to stop hallucinating you, now if you wouldn’t mind keeping quiet so I can concentrate”
“Hallucinating?”
“Yes hallucinating, I ate some mushrooms earlier and they had to have been poisonous, NNNGGHHHH!”
“Are you…okay?”
“I will be as soon as I get you out of my head! NNNNGGGHHHH!” Rincewind began rubbing his temple viciously.
“You do know we’re not hallucinations…right?”
“Of course you are! Don’t be stupid, when do you ever encounter small, brightly colored horses?”
“Ponies”
“What”
We’re ponies, not horses”
“Sorry, when do you ever encounter brightly colored ponies outside of a dream or something? Not often I can tell you”

Twilight approached the creature cautiously. She reached out with her hoof, and tapped the creature.

Rincewind froze. The purple creature had just touched him.
“We’re not hallucinations”
Rincewind screamed.

CHapter 3

It didn’t take the ponies long to subdue the panicked wizard. To be fair, they weren’t that scary, Rincewind was just shocked. You’d be to if you saw brightly colored, talking equines (and weren’t familiar with the show) but that shock didn’t last long, he’d seen much worse before.

As for the ponies, Rincewind wasn’t much of a monster once rid of all the debris clinging to him. He looked more like a shivering, frightened ape creature. Fluttershy, who was eager to meet a new type of animal, was tending to him. Twilight on the other hand (or hoof, or whatever) was surprised to be looking at a creature similar to those she’d seen before. A creatures she’d seen on another world.
“Yes, yes, thank you I’m fine” Rincewind said gently pushing Fluttershy away from his personal space bubble “Thanks for your concern, sorry for scaring you, I really must be going now”
“Going? But we just met you Mr….”
“Rinc-“
“George?” Pinkie chirped.
“What?”
“George, you look like a George to me”
“No, my name is Rincewind”
“Okie dokie George!”
“Rincewind”
“Got it George!”
“Rincewind!”
“What’s that George?”
“Oh for the love of! It’s Rincewin-“
“Uh” Rincewind looked down at Fluttershy who was standing beside him. “Mr. Rincewind…sir?” she added hopefully.
“Yes?”
“I was just wondering, if it was okay with you of course, if you’d want to come over to my house, I mean it’s not every day I meet a new species”
“Look I just want to find my way back-what?”
“Oh…I didn’t mean to be so pushy, but I’d really like to learn more about you. I haven’t seen anything like you before”
“I have” Twilight added. Her friends all looked at her.
“Uhhh come again?” Rainbow Dash asked
“Remember? When I Sunset Shimmer stole the crown? I had to follow her to another world, a world full of creatures like… this” Twilight said, waving her hoof vaguely in Rincewind’s direction “Only they were a little different, I never found out what they were called, I couldn’t find any books on them either”
There was a silence. Twilight turned to Rincewind.
“You, were are you from?”
“The city of Ankh-Morpork” Rincewind replied “From the Discworld, where am I now?”
“The land of Equestria”
“And when she said” Rincewind pointed at Fluttershy “That she hadn’t seen anything like me before, she meant that-”
“You’re the only one of your species here”
“Oh, that’s just bloody perfect”
Rincewind heard Twilight giggle. An excited giggle, not a funny giggle. She was dancing in place.
“This. Is. Perfect!” She squealed.
Rincewind gave her a look. She quieted down, blushed and looked at her hooves.
“uh…sorry, I just got a little excited. But this is great! Not only can I figure out what those creatures were at Canterlot High, but I can also talk with a creature from another world! Think about the possibilities! Oh Princess Celestia will want to hear about this! Where’s my notebook!?”
Rincewind took a few steps back.
“Uh, Twi don’tcha think ya should take it easy?” Applejack asked “ah mean, the guy just got here”
“Of course, sorry, where are my manners” She extended her hoof towards Rincewind “Twilight Sparkle”
“Rincewind” Rincewind said, shaking her hoof.
“I’m Pinkie Pie!”
“Rincewind”
“Ah’m Applejack, pleased ta meetcha”
“Rincewind, likewise”
“Rainbow Dash”
“Rincewind”
“I’m Flutterhshy”
“I’m Rincewind”
“Uh…if you don’t mind me asking…what are you?”
“I’m a wizard”
“Oh…I mean…uh…what else are you?”
“What are talking about? I’m a wizard, I’m not much good at being anything else, not much good at being a wizard, come to think about it”
“I mean, uh what were you before you became a wizard?”
“I don’t know, a child, I guess”
“No I mean-“
“Look is this going anywhere?”
“Well yes actually, I mean what species are you?”
“Oh…Human…I think”
“That’s what you’re called!? Humans!? Oh I wish I brought a notebook! I have so many questions!”
Twilight was excitably prancing in place again. Rincewind sighed, this was going to be interesting, and knowing his luck, full of adventure.
“Calm down Twi, let’s let the fella get his bearings first”
“Right, sorry”
“How about we take you over to Ponyville, Ah’m sure you’re just as curious about us as we are of you”
“No, not really”
“Beg yer pardon?”
“I’m not interested in you really, sorry”
“Yer not the least bit interested?”
“I’ve seen talking animals before, I’ve had an uncomfortable experience with a kangaroo once an-look I don’t want to talk about it, why don’t we just go investigate this town of yours”
“Great” Twilight beamed “We can ask questions later, would you like some lunch Mr. RIncewind”
As if on cue Rincewind’s stomach growled. Lunch sounded good.
“We can stop by at Rarity’s and drop off her slice of the cake!” Pinkie added cheerfully “I’m sure she’ll love to meet you Georgie!”
Rincewind scratched the back of his head.
“Can’t wait”

Rarity had just finished the last dress. She breathed a sigh of relief and, using her magic, she wiped away the sweat with her embroidered silk handkerchief. The sound of the door opening and the little tinkle of bell drew her attention. Dropping the handkerchief on the nearby table she quickly regained her composure and trotted out.
“Welcome to the Carose-oh Twilight! Oh I’m dreadfully sorry I missed the picnic and-“
She looked up at Rincewind.
“WWWUAAGGHHHHHH!”
“Uh, Rarity this is our new friend Rincewind, I know he looks a little strange bu-“
“WHAT ARE YOU WEARING!”