Dapples' Shorts

by doctor dapples

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Slice of Life
Length: 3674

A collection of short stories - too short for printing alone

The Leap - A pegasus filly stands on a cliff overlooking Ponyville, preparing for her first flight.

Bad at Magic - My take on the "Twilight messes up a spell" trope.

A Modest Proposal - A pony version of the Jonathan Swift satire.

Rainbow Dash Always Mods in Style - a gift piece made for RBDash47, the mod of Pony Fiction Vault (August '11)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-02-18 02:18:20 UTC

The Leap

       You blink your eyes, but the orange circle floats in the darkness of your eyelid for a few moments. Eventually, it dissipates. Daddy always told you not to stare at the sun, but you wanted to see if maybe, somehow, it would stay in front of the cloud. Every pegasus shares their first flight story, and they all seemed to begin with “it was a beautiful day, and the sun was shining.”

       It was a fair day, and the sun had moved behind a grey mass of cumulus clouds. You shrug, and flex the muscles on your back. Today isn’t about the weather. Today is about that first leap into the unknown. Today you will fly.

        You look down, over the edge of the cliff. Today you had BETTER fly. The cliff’s reputation was pretty formidable. It was a veritable magnet for the random runaway foal stroller, and even the occasional vehicle. And there had been rumors about it serving as a final location for despondent ponies, though the most recent of those incidents had been before you were even born. But you aren’t here to end it all. You’re here to begin. Provided you don’t lock up, in which case, you’re going to be the cliff’s newest and, perhaps, youngest victim.

        It’s not as if your parents have given you any pressure about it. Your father understands what it means to be a pegasus, and that like any part of growing up, it will happen in due time. Your friends are a different story. Your closest friends understand, but it’s difficult to walk around with a tail like Rainbow’s and not have flown once. Well, aside from that one time, but that was more of a hover. You swish your tail nervously and step back from the cliff’s edge.

        “Just keep focused, Iris.” You know everything you need to know. All the knowledge is there. You just need the proper incentive to keep yourself from falling. A little leap from a stump isn’t going to do the trick. You shift your wings. The multi-colored feathers rustle as you stretch out your left wing, followed by your right. Keep things nice and loose, but don’t lose that focus.

        “And don’t think about anything that could cause your wings to tighten up,” you think, your mind immediately retreating to the magazine your best friend gave to you the other day. You feel a little flush, and your wings begin to rise involuntarily. “No no no no no,” you grumble to yourself, and begin thinking of clouds. Plain, boring, fluffy clouds. Clouds you’ll be able to fly under, around, over, and through. That’s the excitement you really crave.

        Your wings ready to go, you work your front and back legs, stamping in the ground. The earth is dry, desperately in need of the approaching rain, and little clouds of dust dirty your hooves. The movement seems to wake them up, and suddenly your body is anxious to move. You take a few more steps backwards and level your narrowed eyes at the horizon, your target. You stamp the ground with one of your front hooves, and give a little snort before you begin your run.

        Suddenly, the world seems to shift into slow motion. Every hoof’s impact feels like an eternity as you gallop towards the edge. In the back of your mind, you know that if you are unable to fly, you won’t be coming back, but the thought is barely there, even as you leap over the edge.

        Your body feels the drop before your head does, and it only takes that instant to recognize that there is no longer anything keeping you from falling. This is the first and last moment of real fear. You make the mistake of tearing your gaze away from the dulled blue of the horizon, and glance down. Panic sets in for an instant, and you feel the threat of a lock in your axillaries.

        But the sound of the air rushing past your primary feathers snaps your attention back, and your wings shift into position in a smooth, even gesture. Your body slows down, the wind catching underneath your span, and your descent slows. Another quick adjustment, and you go from travelling downward to out at an angle. One more shift has you gliding, parallel to the earth.

        You’re doing it. You’re so excited, you start giggling as you keep readjusting your wings to make clean turns, resulting in some unintentional barrel rolls. Once you find your balance, you pump your wings, adding speed as you push onwards in the direction of the Everfree Forest. A flurry of stronger flaps and a wing adjustment, and you climb back up in the sky, far above even the tallest of the trees.

        A crash of thunder breaks your concentration for a moment, and though a few seconds finds you in freefall, you quickly correct yourself and retrieve your bearings. A glance at the clouds darkening above your head reminds you of the oncoming storm. “We really could use the rain,” you muse, pointing yourself in the direction of home. And, as if by command, the first of the raindrops lands on your pelt.

        And you sail on, back into town, with only the occasional drop striking you as you glide towards home. The storm begins to rage behind you, thunder clapping and lightning shattering the sky. The wind pushes the clouds towards Ponyville, to begin what would turn into a thunderstorm that would last the rest of the night. But while the storm is hot on your tail, in this moment, at this day in your life, it cannot catch you.

A Modest Proposal

Bad at Magic

"Do you want me to go ahead and write a letter to the Princess?"

"About what?"

"Apologizing in advance for the mess she's going to have to clean up when this goes wrong?"

Twilight groaned. "Why am I suddenly incompetent, Spike?"

The purple dragon peeked over her shoulder as she flipped back and forth between the pages of the ragged book. "It's not like that at all, Twilight! I just think this is too big for you. I've heard stories about stuff like this."

Twilight Sparkle poked her head up. "From who?"

"Ponies." Spike nervously fiddled his thumbs.

"What kind of ponies," Twilight asked, beginning to lose her patience with her assistant's neighsaying.

"Ponies who know things."

"Spike!"

"I'm just saying, I don't want to come back and find six little craters in the library!"

"That's not going to happen," Twilight said, returning to the text. She wanted to laugh, but she was genuinely nervous about making the spell work properly, and Spike's apocalyptic scenarios did not help alleviate that anxiety. She was definitely glad that he would be stepping out before she actually tried the spell. None of her friends knew a fraction of what Spike knew about magic from his years working with Twilight, so the pressure would be significantly reduced. She just wished they'd hurry up and get here.

"Hello, darling!" came a familiar voice, as Rarity entered the library with Fluttershy by her side. Spike sighed happily upon seeing the white unicorn, but was quickly scooped up by a typically hyperactive Pinkie Pie.

"How's tricks, Spikey? Are you ready to see some magic?!?"

Spike shook his head emphatically. "Absolutely not. As soon as the rest of you get here, I'm stepping out for a donut."

"Wait a second, sugahcube...so what exactly..." Applejack was cut off as Rainbow Dash burst into the room through a window which Twilight had wisely left open. Her landing was still a little clumsy, but it was still better than one of her destructive tumbles.

"Not too shabby!" Rainbow beamed a smile around the room, then touched the jeweled necklace around her neck. "Sometimes I think I'm even better when I'm wearing this baby!"

Twilight smiled at the confidence the Element of Loyalty inspired in its owner, but Applejack once again took control of the conversation. "That's another thing, Twi. Why did Ah need to wear this thing for a simple magic spell?"

Spike scoffed, prompting the six mares to face the dragon, who was standing by the door. "Simple? Why do you think I'm leaving?" And he was gone in a huff.

"Well, that was weird," snorted Rainbow Dash.

"I'm not so sure," said Rarity. "Twilight...what was Spike talking about?"

The purple unicorn felt herself getting a little embarrassed, and she tapped her front hooves nervously. "Well, the truth of the matter is that this isn't a simple spell at all. I asked you all to come here because I'm planning to harness the full power of the Elements of Harmony."

"To do what exactly?"

"To open a portal to Canterlot." Twilight was greeted with a lot of back and forth murmuring from the other five mares. "What? What's wrong with that?"

"That sounds like some serious magic you're tinkerin' with there," said Applejack. "If something goes wrong, anything could happen."

"Like what?" asked Twilight.

"Like you bringing somepony back from another place."

"Or sending somepony there!" said Rainbow, nervously.

"Or turning all the beavers into gold!" said Pinkie Pie. The other five turned and stared at her. "What? That would be so sad! Lay off the poor beavers, wouldja, Twilight?"

Despite Fluttershy's concern for the imaginary beavers affected by Twilight's imaginary alchemy, she was also more worried about the results of such a powerful spell. "Um...what if...what if we all get...um, turned into colts?" A gasp came from the others.

Rarity took it one step further. "What if we all get turned into fillyfoolers?" There was a palpable silence. Rainbow glanced nervously at Pinkie Pie. Fluttershy lowered her head and looked at a grinning Applejack. Twilight just blushed and looked over towards her Fourth Edition of Magic Potions, which held a picture of a certain blue unicorn. Rarity grumbled. "Really? Just me?"

Twilight shook her head. "Don't worry about anything. I've read through the text again and again, and I know exactly how to do it. The hardest part is just getting all of the Elements together, and we've already done just that. Just think...when this works, we can go between here and Canterlot in an instant!"

Applejack rubbed her chin with her hoof. "Well, that would definitely increase our profits if we could sell to the city without having to make a huge trip every time."

"And when I make it into the Wonderbolts, I could keep my home here and still sleep until just a few minutes before practice!" Rainbow Dash was so excited, she was having trouble keeping her hooves on the ground.

"Well, okay, then...if you're sure there won't be a problem," said Fluttershy, still not entirely convinced, but wanting to do the best by her friends.

Twilight clapped her hooves together happily. "Alright! Now, girls, let's form a circle around the book!" The five other mares formed themselves into a ring looking in at the magical tome. Twilight grabbed the tiara that represented the Element of Magic and placed it on her brow before joining the circle. "Now join hooves!"

As they took each other's hooves, and Twilight began mumbling something in a strange language, the library seemed to grow darker, as if a large cloud had moved in front of the sun. The room would surely have grown darker still, had not the jewels on their pendants begun to glow with a near-blinding white light. The light grew on each of the six ponies, until the power erupted into the center of the circle, where all six paths met over the open book in a glowing white orb.

The ball of magic glowed like a miniature sun, until the intensity shifted from a brilliant white to a pulse of every color on the visible spectrum, from red to violet. The rainbow sphere began to rotate over the book, until the colors blended into a solid mass, which began to flatten as Twilight opened her eyes and an impossibly bright light flooded the entire room and sent beams of light from the windows of the modest tree library into the very outer reaches of space.

All six mares came to just moments later. They quickly stood up and began looking each other over through their slowly returning vision. They appeared to be not just unchanged, but unharmed. Twilight was the first to speak up. "It...didn't work."

The ponies looked over the book. Nothing. Everything was exactly as it had been prior to the spell. The book wasn't even warm. Fluttershy walked over to the disappointed unicorn.

"I'm sorry, Twilight."

Twilight just sighed. "I guess Spike was right. I guess this magic is just a little too much for someone like me." She took the tiara off of her head and placed it back on the shelf.

Rarity spoke up. "Don't beat yourself up too bad, darling. You're still quite young, and you're already more powerful than any unicorn I've ever met, save the Princesses. You have plenty of time to master these complicated spells."

"That's right, Twilight," spoke up the orange pony. "And we'll be there for you when you need our help again. Now, if you'll excuse me, I got to get back to the farm before sundown."

Twilight smiled. "Thanks, Porkchopjack. I really appreciated your help today. Have a good night."

Porkchopjack sauntered lazily onto Sweet Porkchop Acres. She smiled as she wandered through the orchard, gazing at the slabs of meat hanging on the trees. This year had seen an especially good harvest, and she was sure that the money the family brought in this year would help them finally repair the barn. She came across Big T-Bone carrying a load of chops on his back. "Good day today?"

"Eeyup," said the large red stallion. A large bone graced his flank.

"Where's Gravy Boat?"

"Up at the house. Her, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle were running around all day today, so ah think she's about tuckered out by now."

"Did she get her cutie mark today?" asked Porkchopjack.

"Nope."

"One day, big brother. One day."

As T-Bone finished his journey up to the house, Porkchopjack took a deep breath, inhaling the sweet scent of cooked meat. While she was disappointed for Twilight's sake that the spell had failed, and she was really looking forward to selling her famous pork chop sandwiches to Equestria's elite, she was glad that the spell had failed with a whimper, and not a bang. Despite its simplicity, she was pretty fond of the life she had in Ponyville, and she wasn't eager to have it altered by any of that fancy-shmancy magic.

She gave a nearby tree a sharp but relatively soft buck, causing one of the chops to fall into her outstretched hoof. She held it out for a second, appreciating its color and seasoning. Then she wiped the excess grease off on her coat and took a bite. Delicious.

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned an important lesson in humility. Its not always easy to accept your limitations, but its much easier when you have your friends by your side to back you up and remind you that one failure doesn't necessarily mean you'll never get it right. It just means you have to keep trying. And if I try hard enough, I just might see you sooner than you'd expect!

Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle

The Princess of the Sun nodded her head and smiled, as she rolled up the scroll and placed it to the side. She would respond to it later, after she took care of some more...personal business.

She turned around and faced the yellow stallion with a long golden mane lounging in the Royal Bed. "Now, where were we?"

"Well, ah reckon that you were about to delight in the pleasures and wonders that these hooves have to offer yah," he tipped his cowboy hat back. "Ready for round two?"

END.

WHAT?

Rainbow Dash Always Mods in Style

A Modest Proposal

Dear Princess Celestia,

It is a melancholy object to those, who walk through Ponyville, or travel through Equestria, when they see the mountains, the caverns, and cliff-sides crowded with dragons of the female sex, followed by three, four, or six young dragons, scales not fully hardened, and importuning every passenger for gems. I feel that this large number of young dragons is a great tragedy to this country; and anypony who could find a sound method for putting these young-lings to work for our society would be worthy of a statue in your garden.

But I speak not simply of those young dragons who dwell on our cliff-sides, but of all young dragons everywhere, including those who assist many of your students in the magical arts.

This is a topic that has kept my interest for the better part of my years. Young dragons are, as a whole, a selfish population, concerned only with their welfare, and occasionally the welfare of the pony they have been bound to assist. But with my methods, we can put these dragons to work in a way that will benefit thousands of your pony subjects. Too many dragons grow up to be noncontributing members of society. At worst, they torment your loyal subjects with fire and smoke. At best, they sleep in their caves all day with their ill-gotten gems, making no attempts to seek employment, or paying property taxes unto the state.

Baby dragons are simply the beginning point for this unfortunate timeline, and it is because of their insignificance that I make the following proposal, which I hope will not be liable to the least objection.

I have been assured by a very knowing pegasus of my acquaintance in Canterlot, that a young healthy dragon well fed, is, at a year old, a most delicious nourishing and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in a cupcake or a quiche.

I do hereby offer it to public consideration, that of the thousands of baby dragons currently inhabiting our kingdom, a fraction of them may be reserved for the purposes of breeding. These dragons will likely not reproduce on their own, and as such we will be doing them a favor. The rest will be offered up for sale to wealthy ponies, perhaps as a gourmet dish that serves several, when the dragon is properly prepared and made fat beforehand.

Salt and pepper are recommended for basic consumption to bring out flavor. More complex spices can be added by ponies who seek to add an exotic element to their dish.

I have calculated that the average baby dragon is born weighing a little over 15 pounds, and in the course of a year, a well-fed specimen can double that weight easily. Thus, the average year-old dragon should provide plenty of food for a family of ponies, with leftovers to spare for sandwiches, and bones to use in stews. The meat will be likely most palatable in the cooler months, when the dragon’s subtly spicy-flavor (not unlike that of buffalo) is best paired with the crisp winds of autumn and winter. This will also serve to reduce the number of Ice Dragons, which have always been rather a nuisance to Your Majesty.

The program will essentially pay for itself, as the dragons can be sold both whole and prepared, with the latter requiring more bits (due to the services involved). Those inclined to buy whole will also find that the skin of the dragon can be made into a very effective helmet, and while not fully tested in battle, it can at least be promised to prevent injury if one is thrown from a scooter. As for the dragon caves themselves, time and a dwindling population will soon leave many of them vacant. It is worth considering that these empty spaces be turned into markets, where the buying and selling of dragon meat could be encouraged, as well as the sale of their skin, claws, bones, eyes....

“Okay, Twilight! Okay!!”

Twilight Sparkle looked up at her assistant, to find the young dragon drenched in sweat. “Do you want me to stop?”

“Yes, please! No more of this!”

Twilight approached Spike and gave him a cold stare. “I don’t know if I should stop. Are YOU going to stop?”

“Yes, I’ll stop! I’ll never do it again!”

“You’ll never do what again? I want to hear you say it.”

Spike took a deep breath. “I promise to never sneak into your room while you’re sleeping and stroke your hair at night while holding a picture of Rarity anymore!”

“And you’re not just promising that. I don’t want you in my room while I’m sleeping AT ALL. Not until you get this little crush of yours under control!”

“I said I promise! What more do you want?”

Twilight nodded. “Good. Now get ready for bed, Spike. It’s time for you to get some sleep. In your OWN ROOM.”

Spike stared at the floor and silently mouthed “yeah...” Then he looked at the scroll in his right hand. “Um, Twilight...”

“Yes?”

“I don’t have to finish this, do I?”

“Of course not, Spike. Just get some sleep.”

He felt his spirits begin to lift for the first time that night. “Do you mind if I get rid of it?”

“Go ahead,” Twilight said, a small smile on her lips.

With a puff of orange flame, the frightening treatise went up into a cloud of smoke. Spike breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank Celestia. For a second there, I thought you were serious.”

As Spike walked up the stairs to his bed, he thanked his lucky stars to have a mentor like Twilight. She was smart, she was pretty (for a pony), and though she took herself seriously, she was capable of playing the occasional joke. She was quite a filly.

And right behind his back, as he walked away, that smart, pretty, serious pony was licking her lips.