Discord tells a Story

by Kragor

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Alternate Universe, Human
Length: 1772

Discord tells Twilight Sprinkles a dumb story, although there seems to be more to it than what meets the mind.

Discord tells Twilight Sprinkles a dumb story, although there seems to be more to it than what meets the mind.

Teen for swearing.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-19 19:46:15 UTC

Chapter 1: it begins

Once upon a time, on a planet far far away from Equestria, there was a (Handsome) guy, he was of a race far different to our own.

That guy just so happened to go by the username 'Kragor' on various websites, although you silly ponies don't know what I'm talking about when I say website, so I'll have to revise my story a lit-

"Discord, what's a 'website'?" Twilight Sparkle asked.

"Oh Twilight, it's just some alien technology." Discord replied.

"Now you're talking like this is real." Twilight responded.

"Maybe it did, maybe it didn't? Who knows? Now then, back to the story." Discord said.

"By the way Discord, why exactly are you telling me this again?" Twilight asked.

"You already forgot? Seriously? Okay then." Discord replied.

Discord flailed his arms around, causing a sparkly mirror to appear in front of Twilight.

He also fell over and knocked over one of Celestia's pictures hanging on the wall.

Inside the mirror, an image came into view.

10 minutes earlier

Twilight Sparkle chased after a giddy Discord down the hallways of Canterlot Castle, he had taken Spike, turned him into a stuffed Dragon plushie, and was now running away from an angry Twilight Sparkle without a single care in the world.

Eventually though, Twilight caught up and tackled Discord, knocking the two into Celestia's room.

Fortunately, there was no Celestia to tell off Discord inside.

However there was still a furious Twilight cornering the Chaos God of the Hour.

"Discord." Twilight said.

"Yes?" Discord asked.

"Give Spike back." Twilight said.

"Why?" Discord asked.

"Why not?" Twilight replied.

"Why?" Discord asked.

"Why not?" Twilight replied.

"Why?" Discord asked.

Suddenly a strange blue creature with long ears and no arms jumped out of Celestia's fireplace.

"Wynaut!" Wynaut yelled.

"Why!?" Discord replied to Wynaut.

"WYNAUT!" Wynaut screamed back.

"YOU'RE BREAKING UP WITH ME? HOW COULD YOU!?" Discord cried.

Twilight was quickly confused by the new argument that sprung up so quickly.

Discord turned Wynaut into a potato, quickly solving the argument.

"Fine miss Perfect Pretty Princess, you can have your Dragon back."

But then, just as he was about to turn Spike back to normal, he had a wonderful idea, a devious idea, an idea to do something so terribly horribly terrible that Twilight would certainly dislike.

He would...

Waste.

Her.

Time.

As soon as this thought came to Discord's mind, several people on the planet of the long range mind reading time-efficient aliens fainted.

"IF!" Discord said.

Oh shit. Twilight thought.

"You listen!"

This is going to be bad, isn't it.

"To me!"

eeeeeehhhhh

"Tell a story!" Discord finished saying.

"Oh, that's it?" Twilight asked.

"Yep!" Discord replied.

"Okay, I'll listen to your dumb story." Twilight said.

PRESENT TIME

"And thaaat's what happened, the end." Discord said.

THE END

Chapter 2: Okay the real thing now

"Discord?" Twilight Sparkle asked.

"Yes?" Discord responded.

"Why the hell did you fake the story ending? The first chapter wasn't even 1000 words long, it's kind of impossible for people to actually think that was the end." Twilight replied.

"You have a good point, and my answer to your question is simply; because." Discord answered.

"Okay, just tell the dumb story so I can get my Dragon slave back." Twilight said.

"Okay." Discord replied.

It was a long long time ago, in a galaxy far away.

On a planet lived a peculiar race of beings named Humans, they were quite the intelligent race, coming out with new technology every year, making the technology from last year completely useless for incredibly stupid reasons.

Another thing greatly known about these humans, was their ability to wage war, to ponies such a thing would be horrible. However it is not for these creatures, they live, breath, and eat war. War was a great thing for them, and it brought money, glory, and fame to them all.

However this story isn't about those humans that invented technology or waged war, not one bit.

This is the story of a strange little Human named Kragor.

One day he was using quite the amazing invention, it was like a massive library that the whole world had access to almost anywhere and anytime, it was revolutionary technology. This library was composed of several other sub-libraries, each one serving a different purpose, regardless of how strange or mundane it seemed. If you were familiar with the technology you could even create your own library too! From now on though, I will refer to this large library as the 'Internet', and those sub-libraries as 'websites'.

Anyways, Kragor was accessing a website, a strange one for creating fictional stories taking place in fictional universes already established by others. It was indeed a strange website.

He was writing a fictional story of his own, it was an incredibly stupid story though.

"Man, this is a pretty stupid story, isn't it?" Kragor asked himself.

It was a story about a strange creature with mismatched body parts telling a story to a purple female horse thing.

Currently, he had just finished writing the part where the mismatched creature told the purple female horse about his progress in the story he was writing, he still couldn't believe he was writing this terrible thing though.

"Oh Cthulhu, this is horrible." he said to himself.

For a few minutes he stopped writing, and thought about deleting what he had created.

However he decided to write a little more, he eventually finished writing where the purple female horse was reading a book.

He then decided another break would be nice.

And then he went back to the thought of deleting what he had written.

However, he began to start thinking about strange, stupid things instead.

"What if... Somewhere in the universe, or maybe in a completely different universe these events are happening, and the existence of those participating in such events depends on me finishing this story?" He said to himself.

"Naaaaah, that's just stupid." he said.

He moved his mouse over to the delete button and clicked on it, removing the trash he had written from the internet forever.

"Thank Cthulhu, I was afraid I would go mad if I wrote more of that terrible thing."

He then got a job, stopped living with his parents, made millions of moneys, married a smokin' hot woman whom he loved very much, and died happily, never even thinking about writing such bullshit again.

Or did he? No, he didn't. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

DUN DUN DUN

THE END

"Wait, that's all?" Twilight asked.

"Maybe it is, maybe it isn't, however I've grown bored of telling you this story, so you can have your Dragon back."

Discord snapped his fingers, and Spike turned back to normal, who quickly gave Discord a swift kick to the head.

"That was horrifying." Spike said.

"Let's go home Spike." Twilight said.

"Yeah!" Spike replied.

Twilight and Spike hugged it out for a while and then went home.

THE END?

Oh, and Princess Celestia also totally got pissed at Discord for smashing her stuff or something.

Chapter the Final: listen

When Twilight Sparkle and Spike the Dargon returned home it was night.

Twilight was a little bothered by that story Discord told her, it seemed a little... Strange. Although it was probably just Discord messing with her.

She decided a little reading would take her mind off what she heard.

She grabbed a book, and began to read.

She read for hours, it was a wonderful time.

However, that wonderfulness came to an end eventually.

That end came when she finished reading.

Suddenly, there was nothing.

Nothing at all.

Twilight Sparkle regained consciousness on a white rock, floating in a black void.

"What the hell? Where am I?" Twilight asked herself.

"waaah waaah!" Twilight heard some baby whining off in the distance, it was loud, obnoxious, and it sounded stupid.

"Aw hail naw!" Twilight said.

She stomped off into the general direction the whining was coming from.

Twilight eventually came across some weird-ass creature sitting in front of a strange device, crying like a fuckin' baby.

"WAAAH WAAAAH" the thing whined.

"SHUT THE HELL UP AND TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK YOU ARE FOR SCIENCE!" Twilight yelled.

The creature stopped whining and turned around.

Twilight was amazed by the creature's amazing beauty, it was so sexy she wanted to fuck it's brains out right here and now.

Twilight was amazed by the creature's disgusting appearance, it looked like a hairless monkey wearing clothes or some shit, she almost threw up it looked so bad.

"What the hell!?" Twilight yelled.

"Oh shit, 's my pony waifu or something! Eh?" the creature said.

"Why are you talking like you're from the Crystal Empire?" Twilight asked.

"Because I'm Canadian, and there needs to be easy to understand stereotypes for dumb readers to understand. I'm also afraid of the dark, and said boot a lot." The creature said.

"Okay then. so you can break the fourth wall too? Shiet man, maybe you're not as bad as I thought." Twilight said.

"No, I'm pretty bad." The creature said.

"A'ight so why the hell are me and you here?" Twilight asked.

"No clue, probably to give this steaming pile of shit some plot." The creature said.

"Probably." Twilight said.

"Anyways, this probably has to do with me deleting that dumb fanfic I made, if I recreate it we should probably be able to go home." The creature said.

"Okay." Twilight said.

So the ugly monkey thing wrote his dumb fanfic for a few hours until he finished, he then published all the chapters and clicked submit.

"Alright, done." Monkey guy said.

"So, how come we aren't home already?" Twilight asked.

"Probably have to wait for it to get approved first." Thingy responded.

"Okay." Twilight replied.

So several hours and card games later the guy got a message.

"Aw hell yes." Creature Thing said.

The message read as such:

Dear Kragor,

Your story Discord tells a Story has failed moderation on FimFiction for the following reason: This story, as it has been submitted, is really fucking meta. In order for this to be approved, it must not be so fucking meta at the time of submission.

Please make the required changes and resubmit.

Please check the FAQ for additional information and rules, or feel free to reply to this PM if you're unsure of anything.

"SHIET" Twilight and The Thingamathingy said at the same time.

So they chilled out in the Abyss for the rest of eternity.

THE END