When Berry Punch OD'ed That Friday Night...
One Hell Of A Friday Night...
WHEN BERRY PUNCH OD'ED THAT FRIDAY NIGHT...
By UniqueSKD
One Hell Of A Friday Night...
The double doors to the Ponyville Drinking Hole bar swung open with a loud thud, as a tall white pegasus (who by the way was also very handsome, and strong, and currently single, by the way, lovely lady mares, nudge nudge wink wink) shot out of the establishment, panic plastered all over his face. A second later, he was followed by two other ponies, one a pretty green-coated mare with a log black mane, and a cutie mark resembling a cup of tea with a stringed teabag in it, and the other an orange-coated stallion with a yellow mane, his cutie mark being of a loaded crossbow. Both of them were Earth ponies, and like the pegasus ahead of them, who was motioning to them to hurry up, they also wore a look of panic on their faces.
The two of them were carrying another pony together on their backs, a plum-colored earth pony with a raspberry-pink mane, her cutie mark depicting a bunch of grapes and a strawberry, laid across the two. Her mouth hung open, agape and with her tongue hanging out. Her bottom lip was slightly covered with vomit and drool, which was less than could be said for her chest, which was covered in bile.
"Come on, come on! Hurry the fuck up!" the pegasus called out to them, beginning to hop up and down on the spot impatiently. "We have to get the hell out of here! Hey, watch what you're doing! She nearly fell off!"
The green mare shot him a look that was a mix of panic and annoyance. "Chris-Cross and I are the ones carrying her! I don't see you doing anything to help, Unique! You're not the one getting somepony's puke in your mane!"
"Green Tea's right, Unique. How about a little help here?" grunted the orange stallion, taking care not to let the mare they were carrying slip off. "Oh great! Some of it got on my back!"
Unique groaned in exasperation, but ran back to the two ponies. "Fine, I'll carry her. Just hurry up." He was about to slide his hooves underneath the mare's body to pick her up, but suddenly backed away as the smell of alcohol mixed with recent vomit assaulted his nostrils. "Oh, sweet Celestia! How much did she fucking drink?" he exclaimed, covering his nose to block out the stench.
"Stop being a pussy and just take her, damn it!", Chris-Cross shouted. "Me and Green Tea have her puke on ourselves too, you know!"
Unique hesitated for a moment, before reluctantly approaching the mare again. With a look of discomfort, he slid his hooves beneath her, and lifted her off from the backs of the two ponies. Immediately he turned his head and retched. "Oh, by Discord's beard, she's going to need some breathe mints in the morning!", he said as he scrunched up his nose.
"That's if she has a morning," Green Tea mumbled.
Suddenly, a loud cry came from within the establishment, making the three ponies look towards the building. The cry was followed by a series of muffled ranting, though some of the words were clear enough for the three to make out. Their mouths were agape upon hearing such incomprehensible profanity coming from inside the bar.
"Crap! The bartender's probably found what she did in the restroom!", Chris-Cross yelled.
"Run like you stole something, guys!", Unique shouted, already making a run for a nearby alleyway. "Exit, stage left!"
You're going to the right, Unique!"
"JUST SHUT UP AND RUN, GREEN TEA!"
In another alleyway halfway across to the other side of town, four ponies - one whom was unconscious - lay against the side of the wall, panting heavily from exhaustion.
"I didn't sign up for this, guys," said Chris-Cross, looking to his comrades wearily. "All I wanted was some cider, and instead I get the town drunk's puke all on my back." He moved his eyes over to the white pegasus. "Why didn't you tell us Berry Punch had a serious drinking problem, Unique?"
Unique frowned. "Hey, I didn't know she couldn't even take one little bottle of wine! She practically concocts spirits and stuff from fruits and crap. I'd thought she'd be able to handle the very drinks she literally fucking makes!"
"You said you knew her personally!"
"I meant I knew her hypothetically!"
"SHUT UP, THE BOTH OF YOU!" yelled Green Tea. Unique and Chris-Cross went silent, their eyes falling upon the mare. "In case you've already forgotten, Berry Punch is not looking too good right now." She pointed at the mare, who was lying against the wall opposite to them, vomit staining her coat, her tongue hanging out of her mouth. Her left eye was closed shut, while her right eye was only slightly open, twitching uncontrollably.
"Holy Black motherbucking Sabbath, she is so messed up," Chris-Cross remarked, his face contorting into a cringe at the sight of Berry Punch. "Just how much did she drink?"
"She only drunk one bottle of wine," answered Unique.
Chris-Cross looked at the pegasus in disbelief. "One bottle of wine did that to her?"
Unique rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "Well, maybe that and a whole crate of AppleJack Daniels.."
The sound (and stench) of something splashing onto the alleyway floor alerted the three ponies and made them look back at Berry Punch. A fresh puddle of bile covered the ground next to the pony, her mouth and lips stained sickly brown. She seemed to look at the trio through her right eye, since her left eye was still closed shut. Her mouth curled into a small smile, and with a hiccup, she flailed her forelegs in the air.
"Where's the - hic! - booze, bloozey I wansh ta get..get...fusked..." she slurred. As soon as she finished her...'sentence'...she slumped down onto the floor, passed out once more. Fortunately, her face missed her pile of puke.
Unique, Chriss-Cross and Green Tea stared at the earth mare, before flying into a fit of panic and worry.
"Oh shit on a stick! This isn't good, man! THIS ISN'T GOOD!" Chris-Cross cried, holding his head in his hooves. "She is messed up seven ways from Sunday! Whatever that means!"
"We have to do something!" said Green Tea, who shot up onto her hooves and turned to face the two stallions. "We need to get her to a hospital now! There's no way we can take her home in that state! She could choke on her own vomit or something, and we can't stay around her either all night, either!"
Chris-Cross lifted his head up and gave Green Tea a panic-stricken glare. "And just how do we get her to a hospital in time? Ponyville General is other the other side of town that way!" He pointed a hoof in the direction he was referring to. "How do we get her there in time? We'll never get there carrying her on our backs, and even with his wings to fly, Unique will be weighed down from carrying her!"
"Er, speaking of Unique," began Green Tea, tapping her chin with her hoof, "where is he exactly?"
"Huh?" Chris-Cross turned his head to the side to find that the white pegasus was no longer there with them. Chris-Cross's face turned into a look of shock, before contorting into an expression of rage. "That bastard! He's left us here! I can't believe he just sneaked away when nopony was looking and left us with this drunk!"
"Calm down, Chris-Cross!" Green Tea ushered, placing a hoof on the earth stallion's should. "He's probably just gone looking for help or something? He wouldn't leave us like this."
Chris-Cross began to stomp on the ground in anger, not listening to his friend whatsoever. "He said this was going to be a night to remember, but he didn't mention that it was going to be for the wrong reasons! That damn, weird-walking, bird-brained son of a -"
"Finish that sentence, Chris-Cross, and you'll be walking weird as well."
Chris-Cross and Green Tea spun around when they heard the familiar voice behind them. They saw Unique, and he was sitting in the driver's seat of a small yellow car. He looked at Chris-Cross with his eyes narrowed and a frown. "And I don't mean that you'll be walking like me, either," he finished.
Green Tea trotted up to the vehicle in awe. "Unique? Where in Equestria did you get this car?" She paused as a sudden thought came to her. "Where did you even find a car? Ponies don't drive cars!"
Unique blinked a couple of times before he answered her. "I dunno. I just got a car. Ask UniqueSKD, he's the one writing this story."
Chris-Cross trotted over to join the two. "What are you talking about, Unique? Who in the pits of Tartarus is UniqueSKD, and what do you mean 'writing this story?"
Unique waved a hoof. "Questions, questions, questions, we're all just pawns in some silly fuck's 'master plan'. Here's a better question; get the drunk in the car now."
"That wasn't really a question, Unique," Green Tea pointed out.
"Well that's because I don't do requests, Green Tea," replied Unique. "Now grab Berry Punch's boozed flank and let's get her to the hospital!"
FIVE MINUTES LATER...
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And as the hospital building became smaller and smaller the further away the car drove, the three ponies inside swore a solemn vow to never speak of the night's event's for as long as they lived. Green Tea and Chris-Cross were returned to their homes by Unique, waving goodbye to their white-coated friend before retiring for the night. Unique then headed over to Ghastly Gorge and drove the car into the huge ravine, seeing the vehicle as a reminder of what had transpired that night, and preferring to not have such a memory haunt him. As the car exploded upon impact at the bottom, Unique yawned tiredly, and, stretching his wings, took to the sky to make his way home and into the comfortable warmth of his bed.
The End
