Dear Princess

by Obselescence

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Slice of Life
Length: 7689

A young filly writes to the newly-crowned Princess Twilight, asking for advice. She's made one small mistake, though, in assuming Twilight feels qualified to give it...

A young filly writes to the newly-crowned Princess Twilight, asking for advice.

She's made one small mistake, though, in assuming Twilight feels qualified to give it...

Published 2013-12-28 03:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-30 07:12:54 UTC

Chapter One

Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle

Hi! My name is Aurora and I am a filly from the town of ~~Fillydel~~ Baltimare. I am twelve years old. I am writing to you now because I have a problem with making friends and I was wondering if you could help me with that.

I learned about you in class at school today and it seems like you have a lot of friends (especially cause you had to use the elements of harmony all the time) so I was just wondering if maybe you had time you could help me out.

Sinserly, Aurora

PS: Sorry if this is not the right address. I looked it up in the textbook but I was not sure if it was right because it said (pending) and my mom said that means ponies aren’t sure about something yet.

Dear Aurora,

I’m sorry that I kept you waiting for a response. Usually all of my correspondence is routed through Spike, so I wasn’t prepared for a letter sent via Pegasus Express. I’ll have to keep a closer eye on my mailbox in the future. If your letter is any indication, it may start filling up sooner than I’d expected.

I’m very flattered, and perhaps more than a little surprised, that you thought it was worth writing to me for advice. And that you learned about me in class. I wasn’t aware that they’d already added me to the curriculum. The address you have is mostly correct, by the way. It’s Golden Oak Library, though—not Golden Oak Castle.

I’d have liked it if the textbook authors had asked me before printing (erroneous) contact information, but I guess it’s important for textbooks to keep comprehensive information on all subjects… even if I’m one of them now. I’ll have to write to them about the misprint.

Anyway, I’m not entirely sure if I’m the best pony to ask regarding your concerns. I mean, I am a princess, yes, but the coronation was only a few months ago and I don’t think I’m really qualified yet to give out official Royal Statements of Advisement (that is, advice). I don’t have any documented references collected on how I should word formal responses yet, or any experience in professional advice-giving, Royal or otherwise.

I’m sure neither of us would be very happy if I told you something and it ended up with an infestation of all-consuming parasprites, or sending everyone into a magical frenzy through improper use of the Want-It Need-It spell, or you devastating your house by summoning a giant octopus.

I may have been, to some small extent, involved with one or more of the above events before I became a princess, which should hopefully be ample proof that I still have a lot to learn before I can be considered a trustworthy source of advice, courses-of-action, and counsel.

You may want to ask your parents for help, or failing that, contact Princess Celestia. She taught me everything I know, more or less, and her advice has always led me down the right path. I’m sure she’d be more than happy to do the same for you.

Feel free to omit my title from any future letters you may send, seeing as this isn’t technically Royal Correspondence.

Sincerely, Twilight Sparkle

Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,

I tried to send a letter to Princess Celestia when you told me to, but I got a letter back from her saying that I should talk to you instead. She told me that she isn’t the most qaulified princess to ask about friendship, but Princess Twilight would know enough to help me. I do not know if I am supposed to send her another letter or ask you again so I am asking you again. I hope that is okay.

I also thought about asking my parents but they have been very busy with their new jobs and making our house look nice, so I do not want to bother them.

Please help.

Sincerely, Aurora

PS: I am sorry if I am bothering you too. If I am please tell me and I will stop sending letters.

PSS: I am sorry too for still calling you princess, but my mom always says its very important that I always call royalty by their proper name. I think that is because I took a field trip to Canterlot last year and I ~~acid~~ acccidentally said Princess Luna should be called Princess Loudypants where she could hear because she shouts so much. I got grounded for a week so I do not want to make that mistake again.

Dear Aurora,
No, no, you’re not bothering me, per se. I just wasn’t prepared yet for letters like yours. If I’d known that new princesses started getting requests for assistance so soon after their coronation, I’d have bumped Princess-Subject Correspondence a bit higher on my list of study priorities.

It’s strange you got sent back to me, though. I could have sworn I’d explained to Princess Celestia that I’d explicitly directed you to her. Maybe Spike forgot to send the letter. He’s usually very efficient when it comes to that sort of thing, but it’s not absolutely impossible for him to make mistakes (at a rate of about 2034:1, if you count this one).

I guess it wouldn’t be fair to bounce you back to her for a miscommunication on my end. And if Princess Celestia told you it would be best to contact me. I’m not sure why she’d say that, exactly, but I did say to trust in her advice. It would be a little hypocritical of me to argue against that, wouldn’t it?

So... just tell me all the relevant details of your problem, and I’ll help you out to the best of my (limited) abilities. I’m still very new to being a princess, so it won’t officially be a Royal Statement of Advisement, but it might give you a little perspective on things. There’s an old Equestrian proverb about taking advice with a chunk of the salt lick, and I think that should apply here nicely.

Just try not to act on anything I tell you before thinking about it first. If you can do that much, then you’re already off to a good start. I can’t tell you how many times I wish I’d thought more about something before doing it—summoning a giant octopus in my own house being example number one. Please don’t ever do anything like that.

And, again, you really don’t have to call me Princess Twilight Sparkle if you don’t want to. I will admit, though, that it’s a slightly better title than Princess Loudypants. If only just slightly.

Sincerely, Twilight Sparkle

Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,

Thank you for helping me out! It’s good that you like your title more than Princess Loudypants. I do not want to be grounded again.

My problem is that my family just moved to Baltimare from Fillydelphia and I do not have any friends anymore. I used to have some friends in Fillydelphia but we only talked mostly at school and I do not see them now that I live far away. Everything is all weird and new and the ponies in Baltimare do not seem very nice compared to Fillydelphia and I am scared to talk to all of the ponies in my class… I answer the teacher’s questions a lot whenever she asks them but all the popular ponies like Ruby Red call me a teachers pet and say I’m weird for reading books like Daring Do all the time, so I am not sure they want to talk to me much either…

I don’t want to stop reading, but I also don’t want to have to be alone forever if we stay in Baltimare. Could you please tell me what I should do to make more friends, like you have?

Sincerely, Aurora

Dear Aurora,

That… does sound like a tough problem. I may have to think a little more about that one. And about your continued use of my title. In the interest of punctuality, though, here are some preliminary thoughts:

I remember being in a situation like yours, once. When I attended Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns, I was the class studybug. Granted, I was never really interested in making friends in the first place, but it wasn’t uncommon for the other ‘gifted unicorns’ to call me things like nerd, egghead, and Miss Knows-it-all-a-lot [sic].

To be honest, I never actually learned how to deal with that. I didn’t pay much attention to what the other students were doing, and only discovered the magic of friendship after I’d already moved to Ponyville—which I’m given to understand isn’t much like Baltimare.

The ponies here were all nice enough that they took to me fairly quickly, so I’ll need to do some background research before I can outline a complete solution to your particular problem… Not that it would be an official princess-recommended plan or anything, but your problem’s piqued my interest as a student of friendship, so I’d be more than happy to theorize an unofficial course of action for you. Particularly in regards to this ‘Ruby Red’ pony.

That said, don’t ever stop reading if that’s what you enjoy, no matter what anypony says. It’s great that you have a passion for reading at such a young age, and there’s no reason for ~~us~~ the young fillies of Equestria to be treated so horribly for an appreciation of the written word. Don’t hide who you are because you think it’ll make you more popular with your friends. I made that mistake once, and while I’m sure it won’t end with an Ursa Minor rampaging through your town like it did for me, I don’t think you’ll end up any happier for it.

Daring Do’s an excellent choice, by the way. Keep an eye out for the next one! A. K. Yearling’s said it should be out within the next month or so, barring another delay.

Sincerely, Twilight Sparkle

Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,

Okay I will do that then. Thank you for the advice!

Sincerely, Aurora

Dear Aurora,

I, um, haven’t actually given you any advice yet. Still working on that. I hope you didn’t read my letter as a recommendation to move to Ponyville. I’d really rather not have to explain that one to your parents.

Just try to hold on until I can compile something more concrete for your problem. Spike’s helping me go through my old reports on friendship. I’m sure there’s something useful in here that can be applied to your situation.

Sincerely, Twilight Sparkle

P.S. I just remembered that postage costs can be hard on a filly’s allowance, especially when you’re trying to balance them with book purchases. I haven’t had to worry about paying postage since Spike grew old enough to start sending my letters for me, so with his (tacit) approval I’ve enclosed a sheet of enchanted stamps. Attaching one of these to your letters will route it straight through him—for free. And much faster than Pegasus Express, I ought to add. This should make it a little easier for us to carry out our correspondence.

Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,

Sorry. I meant the advice about how I shouldn’t stop reading just because Ruby Red calls me names. I do not think my parents would want to move to Ponyville anyway. They still get mad sometimes when I say I wish we could go back to Fillydelphia.

I will wait.

Sincerely, Aurora

PS: Who is Spike?

Dear Aurora,

Oh! I guess I’ve mentioned Spike a few times without actually telling you who he is. Spike’s a dragon, and he’s been my assistant since I was about your age. Since we’re sending letters through him now, he’d like me to inform you that he’s also ‘extremely cool and tough.’

His words, not mine.

Enclosed is another sheet of enchanted stamps (this time with Spike’s explicit permission). I have a feeling you may end up running through them pretty quickly.

Almost done with that report. Putting the finishing touches on it now, actually, and I think it looks promising. I should have it ready by the time your next letter arrives… Maybe just a few minutes later, if it’s as fast as your last one was.

Sincerely, Twilight Sparkle

Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,

Is Spike the little purple dragon on the window at Canterlot castle? I saw that on my field trip there! You should tell him he is very cute and adorable. He does not look very tough, but I think that is better because if he were a tough dragon that would make him look scarier.

Do the other princesses have dragon assistants like him? I didn’t see any others on my field trip there but maybe they were all out sick that day.

Sincerely, Aurora

Dear Aurora,

Well, congratulations—you’ve given Spike the biggest blush I’ve ever seen. Which is actually rather fascinating, given that he’s a dragon. You’d think the reptilian ancestry would prevent that, but then dragon biology is still something of an underexplored subject.

And no, he’s not my assistant in any official capacity, or because I’m a princess. Spike and I have been together since long before I had to worry about any of that. I guess, technically, he’d qualify as a royal advisor now that I’m a princess, but I don’t like to think of him that way. He’s always just been Spike to me, and I don’t think that will change anytime soon.

Anyway! I’ve finally completed a rough outline of a plan for you, which I’ve enclosed in this letter. It uses a statistical analysis of all my experiences and observations regarding friendship to plot out the optimal course of action for your future social needs. Hope it’s not too confusing. I tried to get Spike to look over it and make fixes where the jargon got too technical.

I’m really excited about this report, to be honest. I’ve calculated every bit of wisdom it contains to 95% accuracy, and I’m fairly confident it will work for you—given that they worked pretty well for me. I wonder if this is why Princess Celestia directed you back to me, actually. She’s probably a little too busy with her other duties to apply this sort of scientific rigor to her recommendations.

Hope this helps. If you have any questions concerning the report, feel free to ask.

Sincerely, Twilight Sparkle

Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,

Okay, I will! Thank you very much Princess Twilight! I will start reading it right away.

Sincerely, Aurora

Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,

Sorry but I have a question to ask. Do you live in a castle like the other princesses do? We learned about you in class again today and when the teacher said your address I told her that it was wrong in the textbook and that you lived in Golden Oaks Library like you told me.

Only the teacher said that princesses are supposed to live in castles so Golden Oaks can’t be a library. Then Ruby Red laughed and said how would a bookworm like me even know if the textbook was wrong? I told her that was because you told me your address but she said I was lying and the teacher had to give us a timeout because we were being disruptif in class.

If you do live in a castle can you send me a picture of it so I can show Ruby Red she was wrong and I do know you? I hope it’s really big and great like Canterlot castle.

Sincerely, Aurora

Dear Aurora,

Well, I’d specified that any questions were specifically to be about the report I’d sent you, but that’s not a bad question to ask. Anything to ensure the curriculum is as correct as it can be, I guess.

I do not live in a castle. I, uh, actually live in a tree. Golden Oaks Library is a tree. Please be sure to correct Ruby Red about that—try not to rub it in her face, though, as specified in page 42 of the report. Even the worst of enemies can become the best of friends, after all.

But yes, Golden Oaks Library is a tree, and always has been. I really ought to check with the textbook publishers about that mistake on my address. You’d think they’d respond a bit faster when it’s something as important as correcting typographical error. It’s not like they’ve listed Princess Cadance as living in the Crystal Gymnasium….

Sincerely, Twilight Sparkle

Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,

Oh.

Well is it a big castley tree with fairy servants like in the filly tales?

Sincerely, Aurora

Dear Aurora,

Not as such, no. It’s just a hollowed-out oak tree currently in service as a library. It’s not that big or that great, but it does have a nice selection of books and cultural artifacts from Ponyville’s history.

In fact, I’m enclosing some annotated pictures of those to share with any new friends you might have. Perhaps Ruby Red might like to see these too? I believe the report does recommend finding subjects of shared interest as a point for friendship. Check the annotations for the horsehead bust in particular. It was carved in commemoration of the Ponyville Derby War, and I think some of that could appeal to the Daring Do fan in you.

Sincerely, Twilight Sparkle

Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,

Oh. Okay. I guess trees are not the worst places for a princess to live.

These are really cool pictures by the way! Thank you!

Sincerely, Aurora

Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,

Ruby Red was not very interested.

What should I do?

Sincerely, Aurora

Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,

Please help. I do not know what to do to make Ruby Red friends with me. I tried everything your report said but it still isn’t working. She called me a nerd when I tried to talk to her about the ~~anot~~ annotated pictures and said she was busy. I don’t think she likes me very much even though I am trying to be nice to her like your report said I should. It says you are not supposed to judge a book by its cover but she does not seem like a very good book and none of her friends seem very friendly either.

I am not sure what else to do.

Sincerely, Aurora

Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,

Help???

Sincerely, Aurora

Dear Aurora,

I’m really sorry to hear that Ruby Red doesn’t want to talk to you. I was sure that I’d calculated everything in my report to 95% accuracy, even accounting for some differences in our respective situations, but maybe that was a little generous…

I’ll have to recheck the math. I might have added something incorrectly, or maybe Spike smudged a variable again. Something must’ve been wrong there. I’m sure the analysis was correct. There must be some reason the report isn’t working.

I will follow up on this as quickly as I can. I promise.

Sincerely, Twilight Sparkle

Dear Aurora,

Enclosed is a revised report, complete with updated calculations as to how you might go about making friends with ponies like Ruby Red. Hopefully this one should be more comprehensive, including data I’ve compiled on Baltimare and the general temperament of the ponies living there.

Try talking to her about how the things she’s said are hurtful to you—maybe she simply doesn’t realize that it hurts to be called a nerd and a bookworm. A truce, at least, could still be possible, and from there you might be able to find some common ground with her. It’s worth a shot, if nothing else. Detailed calculations on odds for success can be found in the report.

Sincerely, Twilight Sparkle

Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,

Thank you Princess Twilight! I will try really hard to follow all your advice.

Sincerely, Aurora

Dear Aurora,

Great! Please be sure to write back about how it goes. I’m really interested in seeing how well these calculations can be applied to different situations.

You know, it’s kind of funny. I hadn’t actually read any of my old friendship reports for the longest time before I wrote these recommendations. I used to read them more often, for a refresher, but that sort of falls by the wayside when you become a princess and there are royal functions to attend and princessly responsibilities to learn about. Maybe, once I’ve finalized all my calculations, I should go back to them and give them all a good, nonscholarly readthrough.

I hardly even remembered how Rainbow Dash reacted to Daring Do when I first introduced her to the series. She’s such an unabashed nut for it now that you’d never believe how hard she worked to hide it at first. I may have to tell you sometime about how she broke into a hospital to get that book back without anyone noticing. That’d be a fun story to tell. Maybe, if you hit the 90% odds for reconciliation with Ruby Red, you’ll be able to look back and tell me one just like it. Who knows? If she ever gets around to reading it, she might prove a fan.

Don’t mind any of the above—just a little open musing. Good luck making friends with Ruby Red! I’m 90% sure you’ll do great.

Sincerely, Twilight Sparkle

Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,

I’m really sorry I don’t know what I did wrong this time, but Ruby Red didn’t want to talk to me. She said that if I got any closer to her some of my nerdyness might rub off on her and she did not want to catch my weird book diseese.

I think that was because I was holding a Daring Do book while I was talking to her but I just wanted to show it to her because maybe she’d like it and want to borrow it to read herself like you said I should. Only she didn’t and she said I should never get near her again.

Do you have any more advice that might help? I’m sorry if I did your advice wrong but I am not sure what else to do to make friends with her.

Dear Aurora,

What? She actually said that?

Well then, listen here, and listen good. You go up to that snooty little brat and you tell her

Dear Aurora,

Sorry. Please disregard that last message, if you got it. Spike may have accidentally sneezed while dusting around my desk.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, don’t worry about it.

Anyway, I don’t know what else to say, really. I’ve gone over all the numbers, and I’ve checked every friendship report I’ve ever written, but none of them account for somepony like Ruby Red. I’ve known a couple ponies who come close, but even then… Well, it’s just not a matter I have much experience with, yet. Maybe there are just some ponies out there with whom you can’t make friends. It’s not your fault. Don’t blame yourself—if anyone, blame me.

I’m sorry. I tried to help you out as best I could, but I’m really not qualified yet to give out the sort of advice you need. I still have a lot to learn about being a princess, and providing quality recommendations is clearly one of those things I’m still learning. I think I may have been way overzealous when I assured you of my report’s accuracy, even as I tried to avoid giving you false hope. I hope you can forgive me for that someday.

I think it may be best if we cut off correspondence right here. I’ve added a couple Pegasus Express stamps you can use to send another letter to Princess Celestia and ask her again for advice. It’s clear that I’m not cut out for providing any sort of recommendation, even in an unofficial capacity. I hope she’ll see that now, after this.

Thanks for sticking with me this far. Perhaps I’ll be better situated for corresponding with subjects in a few years, and if anypony is half as willing to put up with my shenanigans as you are, I’m optimistic about my chances to do better in the future.

And if you’re as patient with other ponies as you have been with me, I have great confidence that you’ll find plenty of friends in Baltimare someday, with or without a princess’ help.

Sincerely, Twilight Sparkle

Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,

You don’t have to say sorry. Some ponies like Ruby Red are just meanies and if I can’t make friends with them because of that it isn’t your fault either. I am very greatful that you did so much to help me make friends in Baltimare. I am sure that your reports are still very good too so I will save them and remember what you said in them when I meet some ponies who aren’t mean like Ruby Red.

Don’t worry! You are the nicest princess I have ever talked to. If anypony like me sends you a letter like I did again I think you will do great.

Sincerely, Aurora

PS: I hope you do not mind if I call you my first friend I have in Baltimare now, cause after all of the help you gave me I think you deserve that title a lot more than Ruby Red or any other pony.

PSS: Good luck!

Dear Aurora,

I would be honored to be your friend. Be sure to write again, whenever you have the time. I may not have any more advice for you, but I’m glad you think we should stay in touch. In fact, I’ll send you another sheet of enchanted stamps, to hold you over for the next month or so. Keep an eye out—you may have some good news to report to me in the near future.

And thank you for that letter. I may not have had much to teach you, but I’ll be sure to remember everything you taught me.

Sincerely, Twilight Sparkle

By Royal Decree:

Let it be known that the filly known as “Ruby Red,” currently in attendance at the Baltimare School for Aspiring Young Foals, is hereby barred from the unprovoked teasing, tormenting, and/or bullying of the filly known as “Aurora,” under penalty of extended detention without appeal. May she ignore this decree and continue to dub Aurora such things as ‘nerd,’ ‘egghead,’ or ‘Miss Knows-it-all-a-lot’ at her own peril.

Signed, Princess Twilight Sparkle

Chapter Two

Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,

It has come to our attention that you have recently issued a Royal Decree forbidding a certain young foal in the city of Baltimare from taking certain actions against another young foal, under penalty of “extended detention.”

The Equestrian Board of Princessly Oversight, established previously by your senior, Princess Celestia—just and righteous is she, may she reign forever, etc.—has raised concerns that this action constitutes an overstep of your duties, rights, and/or powers as a princess. Therefore, you are obligated to attend a hearing in the capital city of Canterlot to assess the legitimacy of your decree.

Additionally, as you will continue to be present in Canterlot post-hearing, you are also obligated to attend an as-yet-undetermined number of meetings relevant to your actual duties as princess. These meetings will include, but are not limited to: tax code reformation, rail line infrastructure plans, and reevaluation of the process for investigating oversteps of duties, rights, and/or powers by a reigning princess.

Failure to attend any of the aforementioned hearing(s) and/or meeting(s) may result in censure by Princess Celestia herself—wisest of us all, radiant as the morning sun, etc.

Regards, Undersecretary Red Tape

Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,

Are you okay? I heard something bad happened to you because of that royal decree you made at school today and I was really worried! I am really glad that you made that royal decree because Ruby Red has been bullying me a lot less in class lately but I don’t want you to get in trouble for it. Can you please take it back so that you don’t have to be in trouble? I will be fine without it I promise.

Sincerely, Aurora

Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,

Are you getting these? I’m putting the magic stamps on like you said I should and I think they went to Spike but it has been three hours and you still haven’t written anything back yet. I’m worried… Please write back as soon as you can.

Sincerely, Aurora

Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,

Hello?

Sincerely, Aurora

Dear Aurora,

This is Spike. You know, Twilight’s assistant. The one you’re sending all these letters through. I’m sure she’d really appreciate your concern, but she’s in Canterlot right now on important royal business and she hasn’t sent me an all-clear yet for contacting her, so she’s not exactly taking mail right now. I can forward some letters if you want, once she’s done with her hearing.

Pretty sure she’ll be fine, by the way. Twilight’s the only one who’s ever actually read the book on Equestrian law (since it’s taller than I am), so I don’t think they’ll be able to pin anything on her. She should be done with that any day now.

In the meantime, could you try to send letters one at a time? I get that you’re worried, but this is the worst case of indigestion I’ve had since Triple-Stack Sundae Sunday.

Thanks, Spike

Dear Spike,

Okay. I’m sorry for sending so many letters. I was just scared something really bad had happened to Princess Twilight. I won’t send so many anymore.

When her hearing gets better, can you tell Princess Twilight that I met a pony who seems nice at school today? Her name is Bluebell. We met on the playground at school when she saw I had the new Daring Do book and she asked if it it was the new one. I said yes and she said she really liked Daring Do too so she would have to get that. We didn’t get to talk much but I had a lot of fun on the playground today, specially since Ruby Red stopped bullying me.

If it’s not too much trouble can you ask if maybe Princess Twilight could make me another report so I can figure out how to be friends with Bluebell? I know it didn’t work the last time, but Bluebell doesn’t seem like a meanie like Ruby Red was and I’ve gotten a lot better at reading Princess Twilight’s ~~calca~~ calculations, so maybe it would work a lot better now.

Thanks, Aurora

Dear Aurora,

All right, I’ll make sure she gets that.

If you want my professional opinion on it, though, you don’t need to know the coefficient of friendship to the fifth power to make friends. It looks like you’ve already hit it off with her, so maybe find her on the playground next time and just hang out. I mean, if she’s not anything like that Ruby Red jerk I’ve been hearing so much about, you should be fine without knowing the nth-level relationship matrices.

Don’t know if you read those yet in Twilight’s report, but those are a real thing she actually wrote about. I was there when she made them up. You really don’t need to know those to make friends with other ponies.

I mean, she didn’t.

Good luck, Spike

Dear Spike,

Okay.

But you will make sure to ask her still, right?

Good Luck?, Aurora

Dear Aurora,

Yeah, sure. I’ll ask her.

No guarantee she’ll listen to me, though, since nopony seems to be listening to the lowly assistant lately.

Spike

Dear Spike,

So, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that the hearing’s finally over, and I walked out mostly unscathed. The bad news is that while the board determined that I was technically acting within my powers as princess, the decree was also considered to be unenforceable. So it’s null in all but name. I don’t know why I had to come to Canterlot and wait three days for them to reach that conclusion, but there it is. Maybe things will go faster next time if I start studying Canterlot politics—know thy enemy and whatnot.

If you can, please tell Aurora I’m sorry. I gave it my best shot, but it seems you can’t actually legislate bullying out of the educational system. Sadly. Hope she’s not too disappointed by that.

Love, Twilight

Dear Twilight,

Great! Told you they didn’t have anything on you. ‘Abuse of power’ my itchy dry scale.

I’ll pass the bad news on to Aurora. I’m sending you another letter here from her about how she’s also met a nice pony named Bluebell. She wants another one of your math essays about how to handle that. You’ve still got those other princessy meetings to go to, and I won’t be there to help you write one up, so maybe you can just give her some general guidance. ‘Hey, hang out and have fun’ or ‘Go do some stuff together’ or whatever.

Stuff without matrices, I mean. Just once, even? Couldn’t hurt.

Love, Spike

Dear Spike,

Please, please don’t say any more about your itchy dry scale. I’ve been trying to put that thought out of my mind. Just keep using the ointment the vet gave you and you’ll be fine.

And don’t be silly. I’ve got more than enough time to work on a fully detailed report for Aurora, plus an addendum on how to deal with bullies. I drew plans for the tax reformation meeting before I left, and I wrote plenty of notes for railroad infrastructure on the train, so that I wouldn’t get derailed. Pun intended.

This is her big chance to finally make a friend in Baltimare, Spike. I can’t just tell her things, all willy-nilly. Maybe Princess Celestia could do that, but I’m not half the princess she is yet, and I still have a long way to go until I get to her level.

Aurora’s a good filly. I think she deserves recommendations backed by sound, mathematically-proofed data, not just whatever I happen to come up with.

Love, Twilight

Dear Twilight,

Well, if you say so. Although probably you could tell her more about how to make friends and deal with bullies than your data could. What was that you used to say back in school, when everyone was giving you a hard time? ‘They can call me an egghead all they want. At least I’m not a peanutbrain.’ And how you stood up to that Trixie blowhard for all your friends’ sake?

Come on, that stuff was gold! You should tell her stuff like that! Not some sciencey mumbo jumbo.

I still think you’re overthinking this and underselling yourself, but you’re the princess here, so… As you wish, your highness.

Just remember that you didn’t get that title for nothing.

Love, Spike (and his itchy dry scale)

Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,

Thank you so much for the new report! Be sure to tell Spike thanks too for sending it to me and for sending this letter back to you. He must be working really hard with all the mail we are sending.

I am going to start reading this new report for Bluebell right away so I can know what to say to her. I don’t need the part about bullies so much though. Ruby Red doesn’t talk to me much anymore. I think it is cause she’s afraid the teacher is watching her now even though you took back your decree. I am sorry that the Equestria Board of Princessy Oversight gave you so much trouble for that. I know you were just trying to help even if you got in trouble for it.

Thanks again!

Sincerely, Aurora

Dear Aurora,

It wasn’t any trouble at all. Glad to hear you’re no longer having problems with Ruby Red. I’d still recommend that you read it, though. Just in case. Odds are you’ll run into quite a few bullies over the course of your educational career. You won’t always be able to transfer out, or replace all their comic books with coursework, like I did, so it helps to read some detailed material on how to handle them.

Be sure to tell me all about how things go with Bluebell! I’d love to hear how well my research works, without outliers like Ruby Red throwing off my calculations.

Sincerely, Twilight Sparkle

Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,

I took Bluebell to one of the book club meetings after school today like your report said I should. It wasn’t very fun cause they don’t talk a lot about Daring Do very much and say that’s for younger kids. I really tried to sit through it with Bluebell but they kept talking about books like catcher in the hay and death of a salespony and I kept falling asleep. I think Bluebell didn’t like it very much either cause she said it was super boring and that she hopes that wasn’t really my idea of having fun together.

Did I do it wrong? That’s what your report said to do but I’m not sure…

Sincerely, Aurora

Dear Twilight,

The book club? Really?

Can’t you do just a teensy bit better than suggesting two kids should go to the book club to hang out? I know you can.

What about the local bakery or something? We always have a blast hanging out over there with the rest of the gang, especially during Triple-Stack Sundae Sundays.

Which we should totally go to next Sunday, by the way, if you’re back by then. Just saying.

Love, Spike

Dear Spike,

I don’t know! That was the ideal place to go when I put everything into the formula! Admittedly I was crunching numbers while trying to cram in some research for the meeting on rock cultivation, but it shouldn’t have flopped that badly.

And speaking of Pinkie Pie, tell her that her family’s about to get a large and unexpected order of limestone from Canterlot, by the way. Apparently the Pie farm’s limestone is just what some of the public architecture committees have been looking for. Who knew? I didn’t.

Anyway, let me run through things a few more times. I might have dropped a zero somewhere, which could explain why the calculations went off in such a strange direction. I don’t think the local bakery’s going to show up anytime soon, though. Based on everything Aurora’s told me, the numbers aren’t going to be trending in that direction.

Don’t worry, Spike. I’ll figure this out. The data’s good. I just need to apply it in a way that will help Aurora.

Love, Twilight

Dear Twilight,

Ever wonder why Princess Celestia bothered sending us to Ponyville, if the data’s so great?

Spike

Dear Aurora,

Sorry this letter took a little longer to get to you than usual. Spike and I aren’t exactly on speaking terms at the moment, so he’s refusing to forward my mail. You can still use the enchanted stamps I sent you—he’ll probably send your letters along. It just might take some time for my responses to get back.

I’m not sure if Spike realizes that I’m still fresh out of being a student of friendship at the moment. I’m not an authority on the subject yet, nor do I know enough about being a princess for my opinion on a subject to mean anything. All these meetings I’m in are proving that much.

Hard facts and figures, though—those can’t go wrong.

Therefore, I’ve spent some time reworking the numbers on the report, and it turns out that a better friendship-building exercise for you and Bluebell would be to go to your local library and enjoy reading Daring Do books together in a nice, relaxing, quiet environment. I’ve included some of the math that should justify why this is better than the book club was.

Let me know how it goes!

Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,

I am sorry that you and Spike are fighting right now. That is sad because he seemed like a very nice and cute dragon when I saw his picture in Canterlot and you are a very nice princess so I don’t know why you two would be mad at each other. I hope you make up soon.

I tried taking Bluebell to the library like you said. It was kind of nice and I got to re read the Daring Do books again with Bluebell but we didn’t really get to talk much. When I tried to say something to her the librarian said shh and that was kind of the end of it.

I think we might have had fun but I’m not really sure? Your reports are really good but I’m not sure if they are working too good with Bluebell…

Sincerely, Aurora

PS: Sorry I don’t mean that going to the library and the book club aren’t good things, but I do not know if Bluebell is liking them very much.

Dear Aurora,

Well, I mean, there are other things that you two can do together, I just

Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,

I know you said it would take a little while longer to get your letters than usual but it has been a few days and that’s a lot longer than usual so I wanted to try and help so that you wouldn’t have to work so hard to help me. I’m really greatful but I know it’s got to be a lot of work to make all those reports!

So I drew a report for you with some math inside it talking about me and what Bluebell is like. I checked all the numbers with my teacher and she said that she never heard of relationship ~~matrise~~ matrices before but she was really glad that I was taking an interest in math and that I should keep working to get better at it so some of them are right I think.

Thanks again for all you are doing for me. Maybe if this report helps you can finally help me make friends with Bluebell? I really hope so.

Sincerely, Aurora

Dear Twilight,

I know we’re not actually on speaking terms right now, but before you write back to Aurora on this, I just want you to think about about what you’re telling her, and if this is really how you want her to learn about friendship.

Love, Spike

Dear Aurora,

I’m very thankful for this report you wrote to me, and the included crayon drawings. I don’t have anywhere to hang this one of you and me together right now, since my old room at Canterlot Castle has more bookshelves than wallspace. As soon as I get home, though, I’ll be sure to get it framed.

Your math is good. It could use some improvement, but everypony’s math could use some improvement—mine most of all. With your formulas, and a good dose of advice from a friend, I’ve managed to come up with some new suggestions for you.

A long time ago, when I was just getting to know my friends in Ponyville, I had a slumber party with two of them. We didn’t know each other very well at first, and maybe my friends didn’t agree with each other very much, but we enjoyed the time we spent together, and our shared experiences brought us a lot closer together as friends—despite the stormy weather and the tree that crashed through my window.

Maybe you can invite Bluebell to your own slumber party, if your parents will allow it. I can’t provide any of the math I used to make this recommendation, but I don’t think you’ll need it this time. Just have fun.

Sincerely, Twilight Sparkle

P.S. If Spike ever gives you any advice, be sure to take it from him. I’m still learning as a princess, but he’s a much better Royal Advisor than I ever gave him credit for.

Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,

I did what you asked and I asked my parents if we could have a slumber party and they said yes and when I invited Bluebell to it she said yes too and we had a lot of fun! We braided each others manes and we made smores in the fireplace and we talked about our favorite Daring Do books and it was the best time I ever had since we moved from Fillydelphia.

When she left this morning she asked me if I wanted to go with her to the arcade later and I said yes. I think we are really friends now!

And it’s all thanks to you!

Thank you so much!

I will write back to you later and tell you about how it went. Thank you again! I am very glad that I wrote to you. You are the best princess ever.

Sincerely, Aurora

Dear Aurora,

I’m glad everything turned out well. Feel free to tell me anything you discover in your friendship with Bluebell. From one student of the magic of friendship to another, I’d enjoy comparing notes.

I’ll be sure to pass your thanks on to all my friends, and a little purple dragon in particular. I think they should get most of the credit here, for teaching me everything I’ve taught you in our correspondence, if not a bit more. I think there’s a lot I still have to learn from my friends, you included, and if I just listen a little harder, I think I’ll learn a lot more about how to be a princess.

Have fun with Bluebell.

Sincerely, Princess-in-training Twilight Sparkle