Itty Bitty Living Space

by Octorok92

Rating: teen
Tags: Dark, Comedy, Adventure, Human
Length: 7251

Damien doesn't exactly like being a genie, but it's not like he has much of a choice when the world of Equestria gives him the inherent power to grant any wish. Still, Damien is determined to give the ponies EXACTLY what they wished for.

Before the reign of Celestia and Luna, the three newly united pony tribes managed to harness their power and make their lives easier by summoning a race of creatures that could grant them any wish.

However, when the Two Pony Sisters came to power, they deemed the power of the "humans" to be dangerous, and all humans containing them were sent back.

Except one.

Damien has not been happy being trapped in a bottle for the last one thousand years, and he's grown tired of dealing with the wishes of selfish ponies over the years. Still, he's determined to give them EXACTLY what they wished for.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-05 02:20:01 UTC

Phenomenal Cosmic Power

Itty Bitty Living Space

Chapter 1: Phenomonal Cosmic Power

Apple Bloom fidgeted with her pencil as she barely listened to Miss Cheerilee drone on and on about the presentation she was giving today.

Her teacher had said the presentation was about something they would never be able to learn about by reading through their elementary school textbooks, so the little filly had assumed that perhaps the presentation would've been a little bit more exciting than what she was currently hearing.

It was true, Apple Bloom had never seen anything like what Cheerilee had brought into class today.  But, that was about where the excitement ended for her.

The artifact that she had brought in today resembled a wide, turquoise bottle with a narrow neck on the top, but it had been decorated like Sweetie Belle's sister had gotten hold of it, being encrusted with various gemstones.

Her excitement had waned when Cheerilee told them it was just a reconstructed replica that she had gotten from the Institution of Archaeology and History in Canterlot, and those were not real gemstones that decorated the outside of the bottle.

"Ugh, boring..." Scootaloo pined from the right of her.  Apple Bloom couldn't help but agree with her fellow Cutie Mark Crusader and friend.  She didn't understand the point of Miss Cheerilee giving up an entire class to rant about some fancy bottle.  What was so special about a fancy bottle?

"And does anyone know why this bottle is important?"

"Um.... because it looks nice?" her other friend and Cutie Mark Crusader, Sweetie Belle, wagered a guess on the other side of her.

Several other students nodded in unenthusiastic agreement.  Cheerilee laughed.

"Not quite, my little ponies!  Though, I would very surprised if any of you knew what this bottle represented.  There aren't a whole lot of ponies around today that know the importance of this type of bottle.  In fact, I had to go out of my way and request this artifact because none of your books mention it at all!"

"However, I feel it is a fascinating subject, and one that I feel young fillies and colts such as yourselves would be interested to learn about as well..."

"I'm learning about a dozen new ways to be bored right about now..." Scootaloo snarked under her breath, and only Apple Bloom heard her speak.  However, the lesson was about to get much more interesting.

"Tell me, do any of you know what a "human" is?" Cheerilee asked.  She was not surprised when no hooves raised into the air.

She cleared her throat, and pointed a hoof at the bottle before her.

"Allow me to explain.  A human is a very obscurely known mythological creature within Equestrian stories.  They go by many names: djinn, jinn, genie, due to their parallel symbolic connection with Saddle Arabian origins.  But humans in Equestrian stories are far different than those in Saddle Arabian myths."

"But, Miss Cheerilee, what do these humans have to do with that bottle you brought?" Sweetie Belle asked.  Apple Bloom was starting to get interested.

"Good question, Sweetie Belle!  I'm getting there!  But, to understand that, we must first take a journey back to the unification of the Three Pony Tribes!" she trailed off.

"You are all familiar with the founding of Equestria, are you not?" she asked, and when she got a plethora of nods, she continued.

"Well, after the Three Pony Tribes united themselves, it wasn't like Equestria just became the magical, harmonious place we know it as today.  But, in those early years after the founding of Equestria, there were struggles.  The environment was harsh, and ponies didn't always have the easiest of times trying to make a life for themselves..." she paused, allowing the students to sink in the information.

"During these rough times, the ponies of early Equestria would often create colorful characters and fantastical creatures based on the harshness of their lives and over what they thought they saw within the harsh environment of early Equestria.  One such creature was the human..."

"The human was a spirit with phenomenal cosmic power who supposedly was bound within one of these decorative bottles or lamps, and would appear in front of unsuspecting ponies.  The pony who picked up the lamp and summoned the human would be its master, who would bestow upon the pony three wishes..."

At this point, the entire class was interested.

"Wait, wishes.  So if you found a human, you could wish for anything?" Diamond Tiara asked.  "You could even wish for all the money in the world!?" the rich filly prodded, in awe and wonder over what that meant.

"Yes.  In theory.  Though I would like each and every one of you to remember that humans are a completely fictional race.  There is no archaeological evidence for their existence outside of artwork and stories..."

The rest of the class was muttering to themselves, and even Apple Bloom was very interesting in the discussing.  Her big sister had never told her of any "human" before, but if she found a human, she could conceivably wish for anything!  Even her cutie mark!

"Um, Miss Cheerilee, what exactly does a human look like?  Is is pony-like?" Sweetie Belle asked.

Cheerilee smiled at her student, before she trotted over to an oversized notebook that was on display in the middle of the room.  Using her muzzle, she flipped open the notebook, coming to a blown-up picture of what apparently was a human.

The class' eyes widened when they set eyes upon the wooden carving of what seemed to be a vaguely ape-like creature.  The carving from relatively crude, but it did show something akin to the bottle that Cheerilee had brought into the class.  The human was apparently rising out of the bottle, its ghostly tail connecting its body to the lamp.  Other than that tail, the students eyes were also drawn to the apparent shackles that were bound on its wrist, crudely carved into the wood.

"As you can see, this interpretation of a human looks nothing like a pony, though in more recent times there has been art of humans looking like this.  This is the common interpretation of the Pre-Celestian era in Equestria..."

Apple Bloom was interested by the blown-picture of the wood carving, but her mind was still buzzing over what Miss Cheerilee had told her.  The fact that humans granted wishes.  Apparently, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo were thinking the same thing.

"Hey, blank flanks..." Apple Bloom heard Diamond Tiara whisper to her.  A cocky, taunting smirk was on her muzzle.  "Maybe you can find one of these humans and make him give you your cutie marks..." she taunted.

Apple Bloom sighed, trying not to let the bully's taunt get to her.  Too bad the mythical humans didn't even exist...

Damien

Chapter 2: Damien

"How cool would be it to find one of those humans and wish for our cutie marks?!" Scootaloo buzzed, as she and her friends cleared out of the schoolhouse and began walking down the dirt path that led to the rest of Ponyville.

"Yeah.  Too bad ya heard Miss Cheerilee, though.  She told us that none a' them humans have ever bin found.  Seems like they're just made-up critters used in stories..." Apple Bloom told her friend back.

"Yeah, but I can dream, right?" Scootaloo shot back.

"Look, we're not gonna get our cutie marks by sittin' around and waitin' for some magic wishing-thingy to show up and give 'em to us.  We just gotta do it the good ol' fashioned way!" Apple Bloom argued.

"We've got a long weekend ahead of us right now.  What's on our list of activities for tomorrow, Apple Bloom?" Sweetie Belle chipped in.

"Let's see, we could try an' get our swimmin' cutie marks again!  But if that don't work, we could always try an' our treasure huntin' cutie marks near the shore of the lake!"

"You really think there's treasure near that quiet old lake?" Scootaloo asked incredulously.  Nothing interesting ever happened over there; it was a quiet and peaceful spot.

"Yeah!  Granny Smith once told me that the lake and the beach there were once part a' of the Everfree Forest when she was just a little filly.  There may be loads a' stuff buried there waitin' to be dug up!"

"I found a few bits buried on the beach when I went there with Rarity once!  This could be the perfect opportunity to get our cutie marks!"

"If you say so!  I'm in!  We start our latest journey for our Cutie Marks this Saturday!" Scootaloo remarked, putting her hoof down.  Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom put their own hooves over the top of hers.

Apple Bloom got home later that night, opting to hang out with her friends for a couple more hours.  Applejack and Big Macintosh had already completed the chores for the day, and so now the entire Apple Family was relaxing within the farmhouse.

Granny Smith was humming to herself in the kitchen, while Big Macintosh helped her.  Applejack sighed happily from the middle of the living room, her body resting on the couch, her long day of working out in the orchard done.

Apple Bloom was at the foot of the coffee table, a sheet of paper and a few crayons scattered over the place as she hummed happily while she drew.

Applejack watched her with a smile on her face, though she was perplexed over what her little sister was drawing.  Usually when she got her crayons out, she would draw an apple tree, or a plow, or something else that she would see on the farm.  What she was drawing now definitely wouldn't be found on the farm.

In truth, Applejack had never seen anything like what the youngest Apple was drawing.

"Hey, little sis!  Uh..... what'cha drawin' there?" she asked, now suddenly curious.  To Applejack, it looked like a weird-shaped fancy bottle, with a plume of grey smoke rising out of the top.

"It's a human's bottle!" Apple Bloom said excitedly.

Applejack's mind ran in circles.  She knew it was a bottle, but she had never heard of a "human" before.  And humans had bottles?

"A whut now?  What in tarnation is a human?"

"Oh, we learned about them in class today.  They're called humans!  They're a real weird monster told in old stories!" she told her sister.

Applejack's confusion deepened.  She didn't normally have patience for such stories, though there was one that she had never even remotely heard of.

"Miss Cheerilee brought in a fake human bottle, and told us all 'bout them!  Apparently, humans have some really good magic, and they're able to grant wishes for any pony who becomes their master.  At least, that's what the stories say..."

Applejack narrowed her eyes.

"Not sure ah really like them creatures all that much, with their fancy-schmancy wish grantin' and magic.  Don't they know the value of good ol' fashioned hard work?  Goin' around grantin' wishes just means tha' them there "humans" are jus' lettin' ponies take the easy way out..."

"They ain't even real, Applejack!  They're just made-up creatures..." Apple Bloom told her sister, her voice fading to a hesitant whisper.  Why was Applejack so upset over this?

Applejack climbed to her hooves, giving a stern glance towards her sister.

"Good.  Ah don't want y'all ta think you can just get rid of a problem by just wishin' it away.  If you want somethin', you gotta work hard for it!"

"Our family built this farm by the sweat o' our brow.  Not by wishing fer it like lazy ol' ponies!" Applejack continued.  Now Apple Bloom understood.  These wishing creatures cut into the very traditions that her sister held very dear.

"What are they teachin' you in school these days?" Applejack grumbled to herself, and Apple Bloom felt her mood get soured by her sister's outburst.  She felt it best not to mention these creatures in front of her sister from now on, but it wasn't like they were just going to run into one right out of the blue.

Genie: An Autobiography

Hello, my name is Damien Wexcombe III, but it's not like my last name matters at this point, so just call me Damien and be done with it.

Now at this point, you're probably wondering what I am, right?  It's simple, I am a genie.

Well, technically I'm not.  I was a human before all of this.  It's just that the world of Equestria gives me god-like powers on an unbelievable scale.  Here's the kicker: all those powers have to be used in the service of a so-called master.  When I was summoned here about 1,200 years ago, I was confined to this bottle along with the others, and am forced to play by the rules with my powers, which I'll get to in a little bit.

Yes, there were others, by the way.  About fifty of them.  If you want to know what happened to them, please refer to my follow-up series, "Genie: How We Got Here".

Essentially, I'm a genie, or at least how they are interpreted in Western societies, at least.  Here's my routine.

Pony finds bottle.  Pony rubs bottle.  I pop out.  Pony gets three wishes.  Pony uses three wishes.  I go back in bottle.  Rinse and repeat.  I've even got the ghostly tail.

Anyway, by now, you may be thinking to yourself that it might be fun to leave your old, boring lifestyle as a human and go gallivanting as a genie in Equestria.  Well, don't kid yourself.

Having this job means you deal with a lot of selfish ponies with their selfish wishes.  Not once has one of my masters wished for an attractive female companion for yours truly.  Hey, this dick isn't gonna suck itself, y'know!

Excuse me, I was just reminiscing over a long-lost lady genie that I was once fond of.  God, she gave such great he..... uh, never mind.

Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that granting wishes gets old really fast.

But while we're at it, why don't I talk about my crib?!  Well, it's about the nicest 8 X 4 inch bottle you'll ever come across, and I've spent over a thousand years in it as my living space.

How did I handle it, one might ask?  Well, in a variety of ways.  One of my friends told me that you'd be able to spend an eternity cramped up like this if all you had was an Xbox and a limitless supply of Doritos and Mountain Dew.  So, I tried that for a while, but it didn't last because... well... I'm not that pathetic, y'know.

After a few years, I think I started to go a little bit crazy.  What pretty much amounts to solitary confinement will do that to someone.  But, after a few decades of insanity, it sort of went away.  At that point, it seems that my mind and body were so far removed from a human's that it didn't really matter anymore that I was in a situation that would drive a person insane.  Equestria changed who I was intrinsically.

And so, here I am today!  I'm still a little bit crazy though...

Damien grit his teeth as he stopped typing.  He clacked his fingers against the old-fashioned typewriter that he loved using, before he shook his head and scrapped the entire thing.  Why did he decide to write his memoirs if no one would read them?

He leaned back in his chair, looking around his "living room".  The gold plated, jewel-encrusted walls of his bottle may indicate a life of luxury, but this place was as much a prison as anything.

He stared down the hallway towards a golden door at the end.  His "Hall of Fame".  He kept records and memories of his previous masters in there, all 7,563 of them.

"Huh, what to do?" he asked himself.  Suddenly, a loud rumble rocked his bottle, forcing a few things from their shelves and rattling the walls.

"Guess that answers that question!"

"Girls, come quickly!  Ah think ah found something!"

Trying to get their swimming cutie-marks had turned out to be a gigantic bust, once again.  But, there was still hope for the Cutie Mark Crusaders to find something valuable and earn their treasure-hunting cutie marks.

Apple Bloom was stunned when she had actually found something like this on the beach of the Ponyville Lake.  It was so pretty.

She moved some more dirt out of the way as Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo rushed over, dropping their picks and shovels immediately.

Her mouth grasped a handle as she hoisted the metal object out of the earth, and held it aloft with her hooves, her two friends staring at the country filly in awe.

"What is it?"

"It's so pretty!"

Apple Bloom regarded the bauble in front of her carefully.  It was about eight inches in height, and seemed to be plated in gold, of all things.  It had a decorative skinny handle out of the left side of it, while the neck of the bottle was encrusted with what looked like emeralds.

"Looks like some kinda fancy bottle..." she said, the gears turning in her mind.  She felt like she had seen something similar to this object not too long ago, but where?

"I know.  Isn't that kind of like the thing that Miss Cheerilee brought into class the other day?" Sweetie Belle piped up, still in wonder of the bottle.

"Hey, you're right.  It looks just like one of those human bottles.  But this looks like the real thing instead of just a replica!" Scootaloo agreed.

"But, Miss Cheerilee said that humans were just made-up critters used in stories.  And why would this thing be buried underneath Ponyville Lake?  Still, it looks like it migh' be worth a lot a' bits..." Apple Bloom said, rubbing the side of the bottle.

The bottle shook.

"What the?" Scootaloo asked suddenly.  Apple Bloom's mouth went dry as she saw the bottle react to her touch, and butterflies fluttered in her stomach.

She clutched onto the bottle tightly as a wispy, white mist rose from the narrow opening in the bottle.

First Master

Chapter 3: First Master

"Apple Bloom.  What did you do?!" Scootaloo shouted, as the white mist rose out of the bottle.  The Crusaders were on the verge of panicking.

"I dun know!  All I did was rub it!"

"Well, then what's happening?" Sweetie Belle chipped in, while Apple Bloom dropped the bottle like it was a hot potato.  She watched it rumble in awe.

The mist finally settled, before there was a much thicker swirl of mist and fog that rocketed out from the top of the bottle, rooting the Cutie Mark Crusaders in place.

Then, the mist began to take form.

The crusader's mouths dropped open as the mist formed a body unlike anything they had ever seen before, except for a vague resemblance to the wood carving they had seen in class the other day.

For starters, the creature was almost completely hairless, save for a short, scruffy black mane on top of its head.  Its eyes were smaller than pony eyes, though they shone with intelligence and expressionism.  Its skin was a light peach color, though it was wearing clothes as well, along with decorative jewelery.

There was a large emerald smack dab in the middle of the spirit's forehead, while an eye-shaped golden necklace braced the creature's head.  The crusader's eyes were drawn to the creature's " hooves".  They weren't really hooves at all though.  To the crusaders, the "base" looked like a hoof, while there were ten long and skinny "tentacles" jutting out, each of them covered in a hard shell.  They didn't know how to describe it.  On those "tentacles", there were no less than six golden rings on random digits.

What was most striking to the fillies was the creature's abdomen, or lack there of.  Whereas it had a fully defined torso, the creature's body was cut off at the waist, while a ghostly tail formed the creature's abdomen, the tail stretching all the way back into the bottle.

It looked bored though, and in its "hoof" it was clutching a sheet of paper.

"Hello, *insert name here*.  I am...... Damien!  And I will be your genie for this fine day!  For freeing from the lamp... and yadda yadda yadda..... you get three wishes!"

"They are real...." Sweetie Belle squeaked.  The wish-granting spirits they had had learned about in class.... they were standing right in front of one.

"Who cares if they're real!?  This is awesome!  Three wishes!  That's one for each of us!  And we can wish for anything!" Scootaloo chirped excitedly, her wings buzzing.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, pipsqueak!  Who said anything about you and cotton candy over there getting any wishes?" Damien said, moving over in-between the crusaders.  Oddly enough, his bottle floated over with him.

"Here's the rules.  You rub the bottle, you get three wishes.  You don't rub the bottle, you get zero wishes.  That's the way it works.  Since you..." he poked a finger down on top of Apple Bloom's head, making her wince.

"...are the one who rubbed the bottle, you get three wishes.  Since you two didn't, you get zero wishes..."

"What?  That's not fair!"  Scootaloo cried.

Damien blinked.

"Do I look like I care?  Do I really look like I care?  You're not my master, chicken wings.  If you want wishes, you'll have to find my bottle on your own time and rub it then.  In the meantime..." he turned to Apple Bloom, while Scootaloo fumed.

"You have rubbed the bottle, therefore you are my master.  Your wish is my command..." he bowed, levitating in mid-air along with his bottle.

"Can you believe this guy?" Scootaloo said.  Apple Bloom looked thoughtful, as if she were contemplating her own wish.  Sweetie Belle was silent.

"You said I get three wishes, and I can wish for anything?" Apple Bloom asked the human, who nodded at her.  She didn't pay any mind to the smirk that was on his face.

"Apple Bloom, are you sure about this?"  Sweetie Belle asked.  She was by far the most wary of the magical creature in front of them, and now both of her friends were giving her skeptical looks.

"Sweetie Belle's right!  We can't trust this guy!  What if he's lying?!" Scootaloo told her.

"Hey, just a minute ago, you were mighty excited over gettin' a wish!  Now y'all are sayin' that he can't be trusted?" Apple Bloom cried.  "Look, this may be the best shot at getting our cutie marks.  If ah wish for cutie marks for all three of us, he has to grant that, doesn't he?"

Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo seemed to contemplate that for a while, and a look of desire entered their large eyes.  It seemed that they all realized it would be an easy solution for their crusading.

"Alright, Damien!  You're on!" Apple Bloom grinned, pointing a hoof at the genie.  Damien crossed his arms, grinning patiently at her.

"Best start with somethin' small though, just to be sure that it works.  Ah don't wanna find out that this is just some trick.  Y'know what, I've worked up quite the thirst with all this diggin', so..." she trailed off.

"Ah wish ah had some water!" she cried, spreading her hooves out.

Damien grinned, raising one of his hands and snapping his ringed fingers.  The crusaders tilted their heads over the weird gesture, but their attention was then drawn to a big glob of water that had appeared out of nowhere, directly on top of their heads.

Their minds went numb, but the glob of water only hovered above their heads for a second.  It came crashing down upon the three fillies' heads, drenching them from head to toe in moderately cold water.

Sweetie Belle shrieked, while Apple Bloom and Scootaloo both looked incredulously at each, like they didn't even know what happened.

"Well, you wanted water.  There you go!" Damien told Apple Bloom.  He couldn't help but allow a small bit of laughter to escape from his mouth.

"What was that all about?!" Apple Bloom cried in indignation, as the Cutie Mark Crusaders shook the water off.  In the back of her mind, she registered that the human's power was legit.

"You said "I wish" and "water", and I put two-and-two together.  You're new to this whole wishing thing aren't you?"

Apple Bloom's eye twitched, but she didn't look nearly as mad as her two friends, who had gotten roped into this without even being part of the wish.

"When ah said ah wanted some water, I thought it'd be purdy obvious that ah was askin' for a bottle or glass or somethin'"

"Well, now you know better!  Maybe next time you'll be a little more specific!"

"Apple Bloom..." Scootaloo said, grabbing her friend's withers and dragging her away out of earshot from the genie.  She whispered to her in a low voice.

"There's something fishy about this guy.  Maybe you shouldn't take the other wishes after all.  We ended up getting covered in water, but that was a really simple wish.  Who knows what could happen if you wish for something less simple..."

"But, if ah don't use the other wishes, we may never be able to get our cutie marks!  This is the perfect opportunity!  I hafta use 'em!" Apple Bloom stubbornly refused.

"Pardon me for interrupting your endearing conversation, but you still need need to make your second and third wishes.  I mean, it's not like I'm stuck here with you by your side forever until you make that final wish or anything!  That would make the whole being a genie thing unbearable!" Damien said.  He had randomly appeared what between the two crusaders.

"Wait, you mean you're stuck to Apple Bloom until she makes her third wish?" Sweetie Belle piped up.  Damien was filing his nails.

"Huh, who are you again, kid?  Third wish?  Oh.... yeah!  That is actually the case..." he said non-chalantly.  "So, you're stuck with me, you might as well make your wishes unless you want to explain to your family why you're bringing home a twelve-hundred year old magical genie with you..."

Apple Bloom flinched.  Her sister Applejack had been adamant that even the story of humans was nothing but trouble.  She couldn't imagine her reaction if she actually brought home a real one.

"But after your third wish, I get sucked back into the bottle and you never have to hear from me again!  At that point, my bottle will appear randomly within a certain area of here, where some other pony can pick it up.  It'll probably be some loser egotistical pegasus.  God knows I always get stuck with one of them."

"Alright, but no tricking me now, got it?" she proclaimed.

Scootaloo yelped in alarm when she realized her friend was going to go through with it.

Damien raised an eyebrow.  "Now, why would I ever trick you?" he asked, a halo appearing directly above his head.

"Now, that first wish was just a warmup.  Ah'm gonna wish fer somethin' real big now, ya hear?" she trailed off, seemingly working over how she was going to word it.  A bright smile appeared on her face.

"Ah wish that Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, and Scootaloo all had their cutie marks!" she squealed, jumping in mid-air.  She was giddy to receive her cutie mark.

Damien smirked, and snapped his fingers once more.  At that moment, a few things happened.  Sweetie Belle vanished from existence, while cutie marks simultaneously appeared on the flanks of both Apple Bloom and Scootaloo.  Despite that, they weren't concerned about that.  They were turning their heads to and fro frantically, trying to work out where their friend had gone.

Less than a second later, a thick, hardcover book fell out of the sky and impacted the ground right next to the three fillies, scaring the life out of the both of them.  On the spine of the book, there was a symbol remarkably similar to a cutie mark.

"What was that all about?!  Where's Sweetie Belle?!" Apple Bloom yelled at the genie, who in turn yawned at the two fillies.

"Oh, well, I had to take a few liberties to make her cutie mark work.  But look, you've both got yours!" he exclaimed in faux happiness, pointing a finger at them.

Apple Bloom and Scootaloo turned around to view their flanks, their faces beaming in appraisal as they saw the marks.  However, their enthusiasm turned to confusion when they saw what they were.

On Scootaloo's flank, there were a pair of broken wings.

And on Apple Bloom's flank.... there was a pile of shit.

"Whut does it mean?" Apple Bloom asked.

"Well, the three of you wished you had cutie marks, but you didn't specify what your cutie marks were supposed to be.  So, I had to work it out on my own what you should get.  Congratulations, you've found your special talents!"

"Cleaning bathrooms..." he pointed to Apple Bloom.  She frowned.

"Being a flightless pegasus..." he pointed to Scootaloo.  She frowned.

"And being a dictionary!" he pointed to the book on the ground that was apparently Sweetie Belle.  He laughed at their expense.  The other two crusaders gaped at him.

"Wait, you made Sweetie Belle's special talent being a dictionary!" Scootaloo gaped.  "How is she even supposed to move?"

"Cleanin' bathrooms?  What kinda talent is that?" Apple Bloom screamed.

"Hey, you're the one who wished for it?" Damien shrugged.

"NO!  AH!  DIDN'T!" the irate filly screamed.  "Y'all take away these bogus cutie marks away, an' turn Sweetie Belle back to normal this instant!" she screamed at the floating spirit.

"Well, you still got one more wish.  Why don't you use it to turn everything back to normal?" Damien suggested.  The third wish was coming up, and it was one that he had seen many a time before.

"You better, Apple Bloom!  It's the only way to get Sweetie Belle back to normal!" Scootaloo said.  Apple Bloom tended to agree.  She should've never taken these wishes for granted.

"Fine!  Ah wish you were back in your bottle, and everything was back to the way it was before ah made my first wish!" she ordered.  Damien snapped his fingers.

Too bad she wasted her last wish.  He had used the fake cutie marks anyway; they would've worn off in an hour or two anyway.  He wasn't that cruel to a bunch of kids.

"It's been fun, Master #7564!" he told Apple Bloom one last time, before the bottle shook.  There was a flash, and the once again cutie mark-less Cutie Mark Crusaders were standing there, Sweetie Belle intact.  The unicorn filly looked groggy and confused, like she didn't even know what had happened.

There was a burst of magic from within the bottle, and the Cutie Mark Crusaders watched as the smoke sucked Damien right back through the opening of the bottle, waiting for his next master.

Apple Bloom had a sullen look on her face.  What a rotten human, and the experience had been one that she cared to forget.

Luckily for her, the bottle in front of her had disappeared as soon as Damien had been sucked back within its depths.

She still had the feeling that it wasn't the last they had seen of that human.

Second Master

Chapter 4: Second Master

"Well, that was totally a bummer..." Scootaloo said, voicing the thoughts of all three fillies.  Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle nodded their agreement.

"I didn't even get a wish!" the orange filly continued.  Of all the bad things that had happened to them, that was still what she was most hung up over.

"Be glad ya didn't!  You saw what the human was doin'!  No matter what ah wished fer, he always tricked me!" Apple Bloom complained.  She was still sore over the whole "bathroom cleaning" cutie mark.

Oh, and the part where he turned Sweetie Belle into a dictionary.  She didn't seem to remember what had happened though.

"I'm still shocked those things even exist, though!  What are we gonna do now?" Scootaloo piped up.  Apple Bloom just shook her head.

"Ah dun't know.  But, ah better keep this thing secret from Applejack, an' hope I never run into that thing ever again.  Mah sis would tan mah hide if she knew what I jus' did..." the yellow filly said.

"It's settled, then.  We'll forget this ever happened and pretend that we never, ever saw the human!" Scootaloo reasoned.  It was the best they could come up with.

"Nice kids.  They almost made me wanna be nice to them.  Almost..." Damien chuckled, after he had been forcibly sucked back into his bottle after the third wish.

The experience wasn't painful, but even after going through it thousands of times he still never got used to it.  It was like riding a roller-coaster without any harnesses, and it always ended with him disoriented.

He was back in his gold plated home once again, and to kick the boredom, he supposed he would already begin cataloging Master #7564 for his Hall of Fame.

"I wonder what's going to happen now.  My bottle's been underground for a good number of years, but those fillies apparently dug it up.  I wonder if this means I'm going to become a lot more active now..." he wondered out loud, taking a sit at his kitchen table.

He had no control over where his bottle would end up, but usually it didn't go far.  Sometimes, it would be in a particularly precarious place, and what happened at that point was that he would wind up being inactive for quite a long period of time.  If he appeared in a bustling center of activity, on the other hand...

He had gone to sleep not long after that.  He didn't need to sleep, of course, but he always found that being cooped up for years at a time in a bottle left only limited things to do.

It wasn't the first time he had been awakened to the sounds of a new master.

"Oh, for fuck's sake, it hasn't even been a day yet!  This has to mean that someone found my bottle already!" he said groggily, lifting up his facemask as his bottle began to rumble.

"I haven't even finished cataloging that filly yet.  I'm going to get behind schedule if I have another master to deal with on top of it all, but I guess I better go see who it is this time..."

It wasn't like he really had much of an option anyway, for as the rumbling got louder and heavier, Damien was once again pulled from his home to meet with his new master.

It was midday in Ponyville, and the sometimes not-so quiet little town was bustling with its usual activity.  Applejack was selling her fresh apples at the corner of the market.  The smell of baked goods wafted out of the gingerbread walls of Sugarcube Corner.  The residents of Ponyville even saw the unicorn librarian running to and fro, but they never knew what was going on with that girl.  Probably just some disaster or whatnot that had her paranoid.

Unbeknownst to any of the townsfolk, there was a burst of magic in the air above Sugarcube Corner, and before anypony knew an ornate bottle had materialized in mid-air, before gravity won out and it plummeted into the bushes outside the bakery.

The bottle likely went unnoticed because the townponies' attention was drawn to a rainbow blur that was currently zipping through the Ponyville skyline.

Rainbow Dash was in a particularly show-offy mood that afternoon, and she had pulled out her best tricks to practice above for the earthbound ponies below.  With a dazzling display of acrobatics, she spun around in mid-air, drawing a bunch of oohs and aahs as she turned.

Unfortunately for her, she misjudged just how low she was actually flying.  For par with the Rainbow Dash flying course, she invariably slammed into an obstacle, this time it being the very top part of Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie's residence to be exact.

With her mind scrambled, she plummeted down below into the bushes that the strange lamp had landed into just a few moments before.

"Gah!  Who put that building there?!" Dash asked nobody, seeing as the other ponies just shrugged off the event as a regular occurrence.  What was not regular was the bottle that Rainbow had accidentally sat on during her way down.

"Owowowow!  What am I sitting on?" she asked herself, pulling her flank up and depositing the bottle in her hooves.  Her face brightened by the apparent value of the bauble.

"Hey!  Neat fancy bottle!  Wonder what it's doing here!?"

Rainbow Dash lifted the ornate bottle to her face, shaking it lightly.  There didn't seem to be anything in it, but she figured that Rarity or someone might like something like this.  It was shiny and looked valuable.

"But there's a bunch of dirt on it..." she said to herself.  Taking flight once again with the bottle in her hooves, she soared out of the bush and came to rest upon a small cloud above the Ponyville market.

Brushing some of the dirt off the metal bottle, she took a closer, tinkering with the narrow neck of the bottle.  A light mist rose from the bottle, making Dash yelp and almost dropping it.

"What the hay?!" she said outloud, as the mist thickened and began to take on a new form.  It was a form that she had never seen before; she didn't know how to describe it.

"Well, that was quick!  I guess I'm going to see a lot more action from this point on.  What a fucking joy!" the spirit known as Damien said as he reformed outside the bottle, standing in front of the startled Dash.

He promptly received a hoof to the face, which phased right through him.

"What in the hay are you?!" Rainbow Dash said brashly.  Damien was checking out one of the rings on his fingers as she addressed him, pretending not to notice her existence.

Finally, he looked at up, and saw the prismatic mane, the overconfident expression, and the general daredevil vibe he was getting from this one.

"Oh, great!  I knew this was gonna happen!  Loser, egotistical pegasi always seem to end up on my wish list..." he said, as his shoulders slump.

"Huh?  Who do you think you're messin' with, pal!?  I'm Rainbow Dash, fastest flyer in all of Equestria!" she yelled at the human, her hackles raised as she pointed her hooves at him in a fighting stance.

"Oh, just shut the fuck up for a second!  Just get used to me calling you names for the time being, because unfortunately, I have to do whatever you say..."

Rainbow Dash stopped.

"Allow me to introduce myself.  I am Damien, great and powerful human of the bottle.  Since you have released me from my bottle, you are my master, and I hereby grant you three wishes of whatever you desire..." he said.  He got tired of that shtick, but it always helped to add a little pizazz to his dialogue with a new master.

"Five bucks she doesn't question it..."

"That.... is.... so.... AWESOME!" Rainbow Dash squealed, her previous anger completely forgotten, and her eyes were now completely alight.

"Yep, I don't think I like this one...

"So, you grant wishes?!  I can wish for anything!  Bits, power, fame, ANYTHING?  Even..." a devious smirk lit up on her face.  "Even more wishes?" she said slyly.

"Oh, great.  Here it goes again..."

"Yes, yes, yes, and no.  Sorry, but that "more wishes" thing is a no-no." Damien told her.

"Oh..." her face went downcast.

"God, that was easy..."

That bluff of his always seemed to work.  These ponies were generally pretty trusting; it generally didn't occur to them that an ancient wish-granting spirit might be lying.

"But, hey!  You've got three full wishes!  You might as well use them to make your life better!"

"Y'know what, you're right!  Okay then big fella, get ready for the wish of the century, cuz I'm about to wish to live the dream right here and now!" Dash announced, getting up off her cloud perch.

"I wish I was a member of the Wonderbolts!"

Damien smiled, and snapped his fingers.

Rainbow Dash awoke with a front, in a place she had never seen before.

"Huh?  What happened?" she said, as memories of the human and his three wishes came back to her.  Excitedly, she looked around her surroundings.  She was in a white-washed building, and she knew she wasn't in Ponyville anymore.  She had been deposited on a bed, and she squealed when she saw the signature logo of the Wonderbolts all over the covers.  A certificate hung on the wall, signifying an entrance into the greatest flying team to have ever lived.

Barely able to contain herself, she opened a door on the far end of the room, and squealed as she saw the dozen or so Wonderbolt uniforms hanging up.

"Yes!!  YesYesYesYESYESYESYESYES!" she whooped.

Before she celebrate her joy, there was a knock on the door, and she grinned even wider when she saw Spitfire, Captain of the Wonderbolts, in all her uniformed glory.

"There you are, Rainbow Dash!  We need you!" the orange pegasus said.

"Oh my gosh!  This is the moment I've been waiting for!" she closed her eyes, expecting the moment when Spitfire asked her to go flying with them.

"It seems you're done in my room, so report to the Mess Hall immediately.  There's a big mess that you need to clean up!" Spitfire told her, and Rainbow Dash's mouth dropped open as the Captain left the room.

She was confused.  Why would a member of the Wonderbolts be called to clean up messes?  It didn't make any sense.  Before her mind could process what happened, there was a rustling from over to the side.

A very familiar bottle was resting upon Spitfire's nightstand.

Rainbow Dash grabbed it, and Damien rose out of the bottle immediately, fixing Rainbow Dash with a grin.

"What's going on?  You told me that you could grant any wish!  I'm supposed to be a member of the Wonderbolts!  Why am I at their headquarters being asked to clean up their messes?!" she yelled, glaring at the genie.

"Hey, you weren't being specific enough!  Being a member of the Wonderbolts entails many different things, from being one of the elite fliers, or in your case, being the Head Janitor of their facility!" Damien said, as Rainbow Dash's mouth dropped open.

"I didn't think I needed to be that specific!  You did this on purpose, and now I'm stuck here being a janitor!" Rainbow Dash cried indignantly.

"Well, you have two wishes left, so maybe you can make up for this right now.  There's no rule that says you can't move up in the Wonderbolts rank.."

"So maybe, I should look at this differently.  I have the eye of the Wonderbolts, so if I can impress them with my flying, they would invite me in as one of them!  But..." she pondered for a moment, before her eyes snapped open.

"I wish I was the fastest flyer in Equestria!" she blurted out.

"Didn't she say she was the fastest flyer earlier?  Oh well, her funeral..."

Damien snapped his fingers, and the smiling Rainbow Dash disappeared.  Damien watched on as a piece of yellowed paper appeared in mid-air, slowing floating towards the ground.

"Hey!  What's the big idea?!" Rainbow Dash's voice called out.  Somehow, it was coming from inside the sheet of parchment.  Smirking, Damien lifted it up to his face, reading the information on it before turning his attention to the big picture of Rainbow Dash on the entire top half, which was somehow moving"

"You weren't specific enough again, but I granted your wish.  Congratulations, you are now the fastest "flier" in all of Equestria.  Considering fliers don't move, your by default the fastest!" Damien said, laughing obnoxiously.

Once again, Rainbow Dash was at a loss.

"You stupid human!  I didn't wish for this!  I'm a sheet of paper, for Celestia's sake!  I said I wanted to be the fastest flyer, not flier.  Change me back, or I'll-"

"You'll what, exactly?  Make your third wish, maybe?  If there's anything I hate, it's loser pegasi like you who think they're all-that.  Selfish ponies to the core, and you didn't disappoint.  But while you're at it, make your third wish something big and grandiose, try to outwit me, and watch your life get screwed up one last time!  Or you could be smart and wish yourself out of this mess..." he said, all humor gone from his expression.

Rainbow Dash's picture seemed to deflate a little, but she didn't lose all her fire.

"Just you wait!  I'm gonna tell my friends about you, and you're gonna regret tricking me.  I wish everything was back to normal, and I was back in Ponyville!" Dash proclaimed, prompting Damien to snap his fingers.

The flier disappeared, and with it, the three wishes were up.  True to the rules of Damien's bottle, he was once again sucked back within the depths of the lamp.