The sun was shining in Ponyville. Birds were fluttering around happily. Ponies were trotting around, going about their day. There were few clouds in the sky, while a nice breeze drifted through the lands. The day was perfect.
Until a Royal Guard crashed in the middle of the town square.
While the nearby ponies stared in horror at the broken body, limbs occasionally twitching, a voice echoed from Canterlot. One that, once heard, sent chills down spines.
"Enjoy the walk back, bitch!"
(x)
Princess Celestia stared in horror as the strange being literally bitched-slapped her guard across Equestria. The black being was dressed in an ornate vest, maroon in color. One gold earring hung from one of his pointed ears( She could only guess it was a male). A white turban with a bright blue jewel sat on his head.
Celestia had be walking in the Canterlot Royal Gardens when she had saw the strange thing standing with his back turned. Her first thought was it was an alien, though she didn't know how it had gotten past the guards unnoticed.
She greeted the thing and introduced herself. When it turned to look at her she suddenly got a bad feeling about him. That feeling only increased when it laughed at her. It's laugh was chilling, to say the least. It sounded like a cliched villain laugh, only more insane and cruel.
Her guard, to say the least, was not happy. Before she could stop him, he ordered the alien to stop laughing and apologize. It stopped and looked at him. It's smile looked innocent yet evil at the same time.
Then it did something she wouldn't forget any time soon. It closed the distance at an almost impossible speed and slapped the guard. The guard, much to her amazement and horror, was sent sailing to Ponyville. It then spoke a taunt, making itself known as a male.
"Enjoy the walk back, bitch!"
Celestia mentally winced at the foul language and sent a message to her sister requesting help. She then sent the alien the most disapproving face she could muster. That face soon lost its intensity as the being returned a look of his own. Even though he had a smile on his face, his eyes told of horrible evils committed.
Celestia heard the sound of flapping wings as Luna landed next to her. Using the Royal Canterlot Voice, she bellowed. "THOU DARE ATTACK OUR-"
"Shut the fuck up," the being said, much to Celestia's and Luna's astonishment. The alien continued. "Bitch, you about to learn the pecking order."
Celestia's and Luna's jaws dropped at the disrespect the being showed. They were practically gods*. They raised the sun and the moon. They were thousands of years old. They were the wisest in the land. They had glorious hair.
The alien continued. "There's you, the dirt, the worms in the dirt, Popo's stool, Kami, then Popo. Any questions?"
The being, Popo apparently, just smiled at Luna as she shook with rage. "YOU MISERABLE FOAL. THOU DAR- "
"Pecking order!" Popo exclaimed. Before either of the sisters could react, Popo rushed Luna and slapped her into a nearby wall.
That was the last straw. With a battle cry worthy of the gods she shot up in the air and blasted a lance of energy at Popo. The explosion could be seen from Ponyville. She landed, panting. She used almost everything she had at him.
Her stomach flipped when she heard the laugh. That terrible laugh. "Oh Faust no..." She then realized that the being wasn't an alien. It was a demon.
The next thing she realized was that her face hurt, and it was dark. She was in an unconformable position. It took a few moments to realize she was slapped face first into the wall. She felt a tug at the base of her tail and suddenly found herself on the ground facing the sky.
She looked to the left to see Luna barely conscious, mumbling something about moonpies. A shadow fell over her as Popo stood over her with the ever present smile. For the first time in a long while she felt true fear.
"Any questions, maggot?"
Even with her aching neck, she managed to shake her head.
"Good, because I would hate for any thing bad to happen to anyone. Like that maggot."
Celestia turned her head. Her eyes widened in horror at what he was referring to. It was her prized pupil, Twilight Sparkle. She currently had a distraught expression on her face. "D-did you do this."
"Hiiiiii." He said creepily.
Celestia wanted to tell Twilight to run, but she was so tired. Twilight's expression turned from shock to anger. "Y-you you RAAAAAH!" She fired a bolt of magic at him.
Popo simply swatted it away. More bolts. More blocking. More frustration. Wash, rinse, repeat. Popo started to laugh and walk towards her. Twilight's ears went back against her head. She started to back away. She continued to back up until her rump hit a wall. Her body started to shake.
Popo just stood a few feet away when his smile faded. He felt a presence in the back of his mind, which ment one thing. Kami wanted something. "Yes Kami?"
Twilight had a confused look on her face. Mr. Popo. I need your assistance. We need the dragonballs to wish back Piccolo.
"Yes Kami." Popo's smile returned. "I have to go, but remember," he looked Twilight dead in the eye, which unnerved her. "This season. You." And with that, Popo flew away.
Twilight stood there, still shaking. I wonder what he ment about that...
Author's Note
I can write comedy too. Sort of.
Didn't try very hard on this. Mainly for my enjoyment.
*Here they are demi-gods
