Apples and Banonos

by GlueFactory

Rating: everyone
Tags: Main 6, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Pinkie Pie
Length: 3821

Applejack vs. Pinkie Pie! Apples vs. Bananas! Whose dessert brings the hurt?

How has a new fruit sensation turned the best of friends into bitter baking rivals? Can Twilight and company bring peace to this war of culinary arts?

Published 2013-12-23 21:40:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-23 21:40:03 UTC

Chapter 1

For Twilight Sparkle, having five best friends all living in the same town was as great a gift as she could ask for. The little unicorn would be hard pressed to find one single complaint about the ponies who’ve become so much a part of her life. But, if there was one problem, one little nitpick, it was the arguments. Rarity and Applejack arguing over a blanket, Applejack and Rainbow Dash arguing who was the better athlete, even Twilight once argued about Pinkie Pie’s Pinkie sense, though Twilight admitted that she did the majority of the actual arguing. So it wasn’t all perfect, honestly. For all the many moments when Twilight’s heart felt like it was going to burst from all the love she had for her friends, there were those scant few times she’d rather be back home with a good book than finding herself quelling or participating in yet another disagreement.

And yet Twilight felt that it was their differences which made their lives that much more exciting, and their friendship that much more precious. Rarity’s poshness and Applejack’s rustic practicality often grated on each other, but they always found common ground where it counted. You also couldn’t find two opposite pegasi personality-wise like the Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy if you tried, and they still remained the best of friends. Pinkie Pie’s life was centered around flying in the face of logic and reason, yet Twilight would never trade her for anypony else.

So they had the odd argument from time to time, big deal.

Though, Twilight could hardly remember an argument sounding like this...

“Well now, if I had to say who the best baker in Ponyville was, there’d be no question. It’d have to be Pinkie Pie!” smiled Applejack.

“Nopie Lopie, AJ!” squeaked Pinkie Pie. “I can’t be the best baker in Ponyville, cause that’s your job!”

“Aw, go pull the pull the other three Pinkie,” retorted Applejack. “I could never whip up a batch of cupcakes like you can.”

“Nuh uh,” Pinkie’s poofy mane whipped about as she vigorously shook her head. “I’d give up my tail if I could make an apple turnover half as good as you.”

This had been going on nearly several minutes by Twilight’s count. Somehow, the conversation trailed into baked goods and was now stuck in a rut with Applejack and Pinkie complimenting and counter-complimenting on each other’s kitchen prowess. Twilight couldn’t even remember how the conversation even came up. But as far as their usual arguments went, this was much more pleasant.

All the same, Twilight had never been so out of water in a conversation before. For all the literature she read, a cookbook was never in her personal library. She understood measurements quite well, but she felt utterly lost when AJ and Pinkie started using colloquialisms like a “smidge” or a “dab.”

“Well if you ask me,” said Twilight, though nopony actually did. “I think the both of you are two of the most amazing bakers in Ponyville.”

“How can you say that!?” Pinkie leaned over the table and stared wide eyed at Twilight. “You know you haven’t lived until you’ve had an apple pie made completely by hoof. Applejack grows the apples, churns the butter, milks the milk, she even grinds her own flour!”

“Aw shucks,” waved off Applejack. “Ain’t no big deal, ah’m sure anypony could learn how to swing a scythe and work a stone mill with enough practise.”

“And the recipe! Passed down in the Apple family from generation to generation so far back we we’re still living in caves! An Applejack apple pie isn’t just baking, Twilight, it’s tradition!”

“Wow, Pinkie,” said Twilight. “Though a bit historically impossible, I never knew you felt so… well, passionate about Applejack’s-”

“Now hold on right there Ms. Pie,” challenged Applejack. “You ain’t gettin’ away that easily!”

“Um,” stammered Twilight. “A-Applejack?”

“Cause I ain’t never, and I mean ain’t never tasted baking as amazing as yours!” Applejack thumped the table to emphasize her point. “You’re always whippin’ up somethin’ new every time I visit Sugarcube Corner. Heck I can still taste your peanut praline pumpernickel pumpkin parfait!

“You mean the PPPPP!?” spat Pinkie, just missing Twilight. “That’s nothing, just came to me, y’know?”

“Nothing nothing!” persisted Applejack. “Y’all got talent in them pink hoofs of yer’s Pinkie Pie. I may have tradition, but you ain’t just baking, you’re making art!”

“Aw Applejack,” beamed Pinkie. She held out a hoof in front of her friend with a smile. “Bakers forever.”

Applejack gave Pinkie a solid hoofbump. “Bakers forever.”

Maybe it was the emotion of the situation and maybe the kind words, but Twilight couldn’t help but give a little sniffle as she watched her friends bond.

“Holy guacamole!” screamed Pinkie Pie, checking a pocket watch she somehow kept in her mane. “I’m almost late for work! I gotta skeedaddle! The Cakes just kicked off their Sweetapple Sale!”

“Glad the Apple family could be of service,” waved Applejack as Pinkie bounced away.

“Bye Pinkie,” called Twilight before she turned to Applejack. “AJ, if I could ask, what’s the Sweetapple Sale? Sounds awfully similar to your farm.”

“You ain’t too far off Twi. It’s just a friendly little business transaction I cooked up,” replied Applejack, rubbing a proud hoof on her chest. “Sweetapple Acres sells a couple a’ bushels to Sugarcube Corner at a reduced price, which the Cakes then turn into baked treats.”

“Wow,” admired Twilight. “I forget how much of a business pony you are.”

“Well I’d imagin’ that runnin’ a bakery’s hard work,” shrugged AJ. “Not as hard as runnin’ a farm of course, but I help ma’ neighbors out whenever I can. In fact, how ‘bout we go surprise Pinkie and I can show you just how successful my Sweetapple Sale can be.”

“Oh! Of course,” balked Twilight. She hadn’t planned on any more trips, outside of having lunch with Applejack and Pinkie, but the look on her friend’s face said she had high hopes to impress. Of all Twilight’s friends, Applejack was the one who always kept her hooves on the ground. But when it came to Sweetapple Acres, her apples, her livelihood, Applejack couldn’t help but swell with pride. Though she did come off a bit smug, Twilight figured she deserved to show some pride in her salesmareship.

Twilight trailed behind Applejack who kept up a brisk trot all the way to Sugarcube Corner. The sweetshop looked rather busy. They could already spot a few ponies standing just outside the front door, which most likely meant the “Sweetapple Sale” was in full swing.

“Not bad, eh?” smirked Applejack. “Didn’t I say the Sweetapple Sale was a business bonanza?”

“You did, AJ,” puffed Twilight, finally catching up. “About four times on the way here actually...”

Inside, the air was warm with the smell of freshly baked goods, a staple for Sugarcube Corner. Inside, Twilight nearly had to cover her muzzle with the overwhelmingly sweet smell of baked apples which hung in the air. Applejack on the other hoof took in a deep, mighty breath, puffing out her chest.

The Sugarcube display case was filled with rows of pies, fritters and nearly every possible sweet concoction involving apples. Applejack passed over with a discerning eye, stopping only to give the slightest nod of approval.

Twilight, meanwhile, watched as Pinkie rang up another customer, placing only a scant few apple fritters in a paper bag and tossing only two bits into the register.

“Hel-lo!” sing songed Pinkie at her next customer. “Welcome to Sugarcube Corner, the sweetest spot in Ponyville!”

“Pinkie Pie,” deadpanned Rainbow Dash. “It’s me...”

“You’re just in luck valued customer,” she squeaked back, unfazed. “We’re having our Sweetapple Sale! How about an apple pie, apple turnover, apple fritters, apple sauce or a good ol’ candy apple?”

“Hmmm,” thought Rainbow.

“Yes?” asked Pinkie.

“Hmmmmmm,” mused Rainbow.

“Yeeees?” inquired Pinkie.

“Hmmmmmmmmmmm,” pondered Rainbow.

“Yeeeeeeeeees?” questioned Pinkie.

“Do you have anything without apples?”

“One ‘do you have anything without apples’ coming up! Do you take paper or plas-wha huh!?”

“Honestly, Pinkie,” whispered Rainbow. “I get enough at Sweetapple Acres.”

“B-but,” stuttered Pinkie, weakly smiling. “Well, we do have-!”

“Did I just hear Sweetapple Acres!?” shouted Applejack, as she shoved herself between Pinkie and Rainbow with feigned astonishment and enough volume to involve everypony else in line. “Why if these here apples hail from Sweetapple Acres, then they must be the most scrumptious, most delicious treats in the whole county! Yessireebob!”

“Applejack!?” yelped Rainbow. “What the hay are you-”

“You’re eyeing them freshly baked apple turnovers, ain’t cha?” Applejack threw a heavy hoof over Dash’s shoulders “Real beauts! Look almost as tasty as the home baked goods you’d find at Sweetapple Acres!”

“Wait a sec! I-”

“Say there sweetstuff,” winked Applejack to Pinkie PIe, who was still trying to keep up with hijacked conversation. “How bout’ you fix up my pal here with a few o’ them turnovers? Hurry now! While they’re still warm!”

“Um, okay,” was all Pinkie could squeak as she quickly put a few turnovers into a paper bag and hoofed them to the customer. “Three bits… um, please?” she winced.

Pinkie shrank back from Rainbow’s glare as she slammed her bits on the counter. Grabbing the bag in her teeth, she flashed one last toward Applejack before she stomped out the door.

“And hey!” called Applejack, the angry gesture going unnoticed and not hearing the low growl coming from Dash. “If’n ya want something to drink, stop by Sweetapple Acres for some refreshing apple juice!”

With the Rainbow outside the shop. Applejack’s mood turned on a dime as Pinkie now found herself under her disapproving gaze.

“Pinkie,” Applejack shook her head. “Pinkie, Pinkie, Pinkie…”

“Um, Applejack, Applejack, Applejack? Hey, what game is this?”

“Makin’ sales ain’t a game. You almost lost yourself a customer if I hadn’t stepped in.”

“Huh? I thought I doing… okay...”

“Look Pinkie, I know y’all got more of a head fer bakin' than bits, but sometimes ta make a sale ya gotta give a pony more than just a meet ‘n greet. Sometimes ya gotta get a bit aggressive.”

Pinkie could only droop her ears at the harsh judgement. Applejack response was a friendly pat on her head.

“Look, ya know I’m tellin’ you this fer yer own good, right?”

“Sure,” muttered Pinkie, smiling again. “Thanks, Applejack.”

“Anytime.”

As Pinkie cheerily greeted the next customer, Applejack sauntered over to Twilight Sparkle. Who, until now, had been nearly slack jawed at the events she just witnessed.

“Applejack, I’m…” Twilight struggled for the words. “... speechless.”

“Thanks,” grinned Applejack. “Granny Smith always said I had a knack with a sales pitch.”

“A pitch!?” shot back Twilight. “Rainbow Dash is your friend and you practically bulldozed her into that sale.”

“Hey now,” defended Applejack. “Somepony had to show Pinkie Pie how to take the bull by the horns.”

“Pinkie is your friend Why did you have to be so harsh with her? I think you might’ve hurt her feelings.”

“I ain’t hurtin’ nopony. But she’s gotta learn to step up her game. ‘Specially when she’s selling our Sweetapple stock.”

“Speaking of Sweetapple Acres. Could you be more shameless? You must have mentioned your farm a least a dozen times!”

“First,” began Applejack. “It was more like five, hardly a dozen. Second, it’s called good publicity, Twilight. With the Sweetapple Sale a few ponies’ll get it in their head over to ma' farm for some real down home eats.”

“Really?” Twilight crooked an eyebrow. “I thought Pinkie Pie was the best baker in Ponyville.”

“Now that ain’t fair and you know it. Pinkie Pie is the best baker I’ve ever seen! It’s just that… well… when it comes to traditional baking… she can be a bit, unorthodox.”

“Applejack…” sighed Twilight, shaking her head.

“H-Hey! There’s Mr. Cake!” interrupted Applejack, quickly jettisoning the conversation. “Hey, Mr. Cake! Are those apple fritters I smell?”

Twilight trotted over to the counter, where Pinkie had just said good-bye to the last customer, taking a relieving breath in the lull.

“Pinkie,” winced Twilight. “I’m so sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry about Twilight!” grinned Pinkie as she playfully stuck out her tongue. “You didn’t do anything. Unless you did do something. In that case, I forgive you for whatever it is you did or didn’t do that I can’t remember! Ha ha ha…”

Pinkie laughter quickly fell along with her ears as she slowly rolled her tongue back into her mouth.

“Sorry,” she signed. “That wasn’t my best material.”

“Don’t be sorry,” reassured Twilight. “You have every right to be upset with Applejack. She’s usually so level-headed, that is unless you bring up Sweetapp-oh, sorry Pinkie. I’m thinking you’re probably sick of hearing that name by now.”

“Well…” said Pinkie.

Near the kitchen, the two ponies spotted Applejack jawing away with Mr. Cake, though AJ looked to be doing most of the jawing.

“Those fritters smell mighty fine, Mr. Cake.” she said. “Any luck you'd almost start giving Sweetapple Acres a run fer her money. Ha!”

With a laugh, she gave a playful elbow in stomach to Mr. Cake. Her aim was a bit too perfect though as she nearly knocked the wind out of the poor baker.

“Meet me after work?” whispered Pinkie.

“Deal,” Twilight whispered. “I could do with a little less Applebrash.”

The sun began to set by the time Twilight returned to Sugarcube Corner. Inside, Pinkie and the cakes were just finishing up putting everything away for the day. By the look of all the pastries still on display, they still had a lot to pack up. Mr. Cake could only sigh at their extra inventory.

“Oh, sweet tart,” cooed Mrs. Cake giving her husband a smile and nuzzle. “We did just fine, no need for sour faces.”

“I know, honey bun,” replied Mr. Cake, giving a slight smile. “It’s just a bit more than we’re used to. Oh, hello Twilight.”

“Hello Mr. Cake, Mrs. Cake,” smiled Twilight.”

“Hi Twilight!”

Twilight looked to see Pinkie loaded down with boxes on her back, most likely filled with even more unsold apple pastries.

“Hi Pinkie,” said Twilight.

“I’ll be right with you,” grunted Pinkie. “I’m just tidying up.”

“That’s okay Pinkie,” said Mr. Cake. “We’ve got everything under control.” An additional nod from Mrs. Cake was all the confirmation Pinkie needed.

“Aw, thanks!” Pinkie tried to jump for joy, but only managed a slight hop. “You two are the best!”

Outside, Twilight couldn’t help but notice Pinkie almost mirroring Mr. Cake’s sigh as she left Sugarcube Corner. She wasn’t bouncing like she normally was, and when Pinkie walks normally, it usually means something was on her mind.

“Busy day?” asked Twilight.

“I wish,” smiled Pinkie. “But then, nopony said it was easy helping your neighbors out.”

“Neighbors?”

“The Apple family,” answered Pinkie. “The Cake’s buy their extra apples so they don’t go bad. That’s why we have our Sweetapple Sale. Something I came up with.”

“Well that’s… nice,” said Twilight, biting her lip away from her friend.

“Yeah. But Mr. Cake said we really don’t do so hot when we sell our apple sweets. I guess some ponies really get apple’d out after awhile.”

“Well I can imagine,” mused Twilight. “Sweetapple Acres is an important part of Ponyville. But I could imagine everypony getting a little tired of eating the same fruit, no matter how many ways you slice it. Or, rather bake it.”

A grumble from Pinkie’s tummy caught Twilight by surprise. By the sound of things, Pinkie hadn’t eaten all day.

“Um, hungry?” asked Twilight.

Pinkie gave a sheepish blush. “A little. I guess even I get a little apple’d out sometimes.” The observation drew a sharp breath from Pinkie as she gripped Twilight’s face in her hooves, bringing their faces together.

“What am I saying!?” Twilight! Please don’t tell Applejack what I said!”

“Reewax Bingie….,” Twilight tried to be a reassuring as she could be, despite Pinkie mushing her cheeks together. She finally pulled herself out of her friend’s grip and shook her cheeks loose. “Applejack doesn’t need to know. How about I treat you to something other than apples?”

“That’d be super, duper!” squeaked Pinkie Pie, bouncing with renewed joy. Twilight breathed a sigh a of relief. It was great to see her friend get back her Pinkie-ness again. Luckily, a fruit stand just happened to be close by.

“Excuse me sir,” approached Twilight, trotting up to the vendor.

“Yeah,” answered the vendor, a large, gruff looking earth pony.

“I’m looking for…”

“OoooOOoooo!” interrupted Pinkie. “What’re these?”

Pinkie had never seen anything like them. They looked like yellow boomerangs.

“Bananas,” said Twilight.

Pinkie stared at Twilight.

She failed to stifle a snort.

“No really, they’re called bananas. They tend to grow in the tropics. Actually, it’s sort of rare to find them anywhere near a temperate zone like Ponyville.”

“Yeah, well whatever they are,” butted in in the vendor. “I call them a lost cause. They’re too weird lookin' for anypony to eat. Last time I get swindled by a travelling zebra. I’ll sell ya three for a bit.”

“Aw too bad,” pouted Pinkie. “How come nopony like ‘em? They look like bright little sideways smiles!” Pinkie tilted her head sideways and stared at the mysterious fruit, trying to match her smile to theirs.

“Well that sounds like a bargain to me,” said Twilight, dropping a coin on the counter. Pinkie quickly grabbed and chomped down on the slender fruit. Or at least she tried too. As much as she bit down, her teeth were just no match for the fruit’s tough exterior.

“Bleah,” razzed Pinkie, tossing the banana back onto the table. “I think I know why nopony likes ‘em!”

“May I?” asked Twilight before levitating the fruit towards her inquisitive eyes.

“Let’s see here,” she mused. “If what I read is true. Then all it should take is just…”

With an extra flick of magic, Pinkie marveled as Twilight peeled away at the bright yellow fruit. To her confusion there was not a smaller, more yellow banana, but rather a plain white piece of fruit.

“Now try,” said Twilight, floating the piece of produce into Pinkie’s waiting hoof. Pinkie regarded the banana with a sense of cautiousness.

“How does it taste?” asked Pinkie, giving the fruit a quick sniff.

“Honestly… I don’t know. I could tell you the latitude and longitude for where they grow, how they’re harvested and so on. But I’ve never actually eaten one.”

The shopkeep could only shrug his shoulders. “Don’t ask me, lady. I only sell ‘em.”

All eyes fell on Pinkie, who looked again at the piece of fruit in her hoof. With a look of steely determination, she took a breath, held it, and quickly bit a small chunk off and chewed.

And chewed.

And chewed.

Suddenly, Pinkie went as stiff as if she had a staring contest with a cockatriese. The sudden change caught Twilight off guard as she waved a hoof in front of her friend.

“Pinkie?” asked Twilight. “Pinkie are you okay? P-Pinkie?”

“This…” Pinkie whispered, staring at the strange fruit in her hooves.

“Oh,” frowned Twilight. “You don’t like…”

“... is amazing!” screamed Pinkie as she gobbled down the rest of the banana, licking her chops. “It’s like no fruit I’ve ever tasted! It’s sweet and yummy and has flavors I never knew existed! It’s like my entire life has led to this exact moment!”

Like pulling a metaphorical sword in a stone, Pinkie held another banana up high in triumph.

“I’ve found my destiny! And it’s name… is baneghnegh!”

“Banana,” corrected Twilight.

“That’s what I said,” replied Pinkie as she shoved the fruit in Twilight’s face. “And you’ve gotta try this!”

“Pinkie, listen, I-” was all Twilight manage before Pinkie tore through the banana peel with her teeth and rammed the fruit into Twi’s mouth. The unicorn chewed the mouthful of food as quickly she she could to prevent choking.

“Pinkie!” yelled Twilight. “I could have choked! That was dangerous! That was… was… wow! That really was good!”

“I knoooooooow!” squeaked Pinkie. “And I know just what to do now! How much for the whole bunch?”

The burly shopkeep was at a sudden loss with his sudden fruit sensation. “Uh, um, twenty n-no! No wait!”

“Deal!” cheered Pinkie as she threw a bag of bits on the counter, easily hefting the large bunch of bananas on her back.

The shopkeep could only whimper as another potential rip off galloped away.

“Maybe we’ll give them to the mayor?” thought Mr. Cake. “Government types barely have time to eat anything.”

“What about the local school?” asked Mrs. Cake. “That would be nice gesture.”

The final tally of leftover baked goods added up to a rather uncomfortable number for the Cakes. Usually, business was just successful enough to have a leftover muffin or scone for dinner. But with so many unsold pies, turnovers and fritters growing stale by the minute in their display case, the cakes found their shop filled with unwanted surplus.

“I doubt even Pinkie could eat this much,” said Mr. Cake.

With the mere mention of her name, the door to Sugarcube Corner flew open and out jumped Pinkie Pie.

“Gah!” gasped Mr. Cake. “Pinkie?”

“Um, what are you carrying?” asked Mrs. Cake.

“Only the greatest thing to hit the tummies of Ponyville! They call it… the banaynay!

“Buh-Na-Na!” Twilight huffed and puffed as she exhaustively trotted beside Pinkie.

“Um, Pinkie, honey,” soothed Mrs. Cake with a practiced tone she used all too often with her employee. “You know those moments we talked about, when you get carried away by something?”

“No talk!” announced Pinkie Pie. “Eat!” With a flourish, she popped another banana out of its skin and nearly sliced it in half with a fine hoof chop. Spinning in mid air she kicked both pieces into the open mouths of her employers before they could begin to voice a complaint.

The effect was almost immediate. The Cakes looked at each other with wonder and amazement.

“Holy smokes!” said Mr. Cake as he chewed. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking sweetheart?”

“I’m not just thinking!” bounced Mrs. Cake, stars in her eyes. “I’m inspired!”

“Pinkie!” announced Mr. Cake.

“Yes sir!” saluted Pinkie.

“Put the kettle on and break out the midnight canola oil!” said Mr. Cake as he nuzzled his wife. “Tonight, we bake!”

“Yes sir!” cheered Pinkie. “Sorry to have to cut this short, Twilight. See you tomorrow?”

“Of course, Pinkie.” said Twilight as she headed out the door. “Good luck.”

As the door closed, Twilight could see Pinkie and the Cakes happily organizing flour, bowls and various cooking utensils around the bunch of bananas. She gave a happy sigh as she trotted towards home for some much needed sleep and looked forward to a slightly more quiet day tomorrow...