Friday The 13th: 13 Ways To Die!

by RainbowBob

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Crossover, Dark
Length: 4252

It's Friday the 13th, and Luna is in store for a great deal of fright! For she'll have 13 ways to die on this terrifying night! Let's hope she can stay alive and sane in spite!

Hey there ponies of all ages! Or rather, ponies that are old enough for the R-rated category and those sly enough to sneak in. Are you all ready for horror, fright, and a night full of terrifying delight? If you aren't, then too bad, because you're here anyways!

What I have in store for you fine folks tonight is a tale so grim, so dark, so overwhelmingly scary that I do believe many of you may pass out from shock. Luna, Princess of the Night, must deal with thirteen of the most heinous villains ever to walk the land of nightmares. Will she be able to survive with her sanity intact? Can she defend the dreams of Equestria's citizens against these monstrous abominations of evil intent? Well, I can assure you of one thing.

There are thirteen ways to die!

Thanks to my editor Pearple Prose and prereader Skeeter The Lurker for all their help!

Awesome cover art from the greatly talented Kaliptro2.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-14 19:34:01 UTC

Prologue

Luna stared into the void. It stared back. It was a strange staring contest, of sorts; one where neither participant knew they were playing a game, yet still went along with it anyway.

She did not known how she had arrived there, neither did she know why. All that was on her mind was the unending darkness. It was mesmerizing, the inky blackness of it all.

Soon enough, the darkness began to creep up upon her. First it was her hooves; black tendrils grabbed ahold of Luna’s forelegs and slowly snaked their way up to her torso. Next it consumed her chest and back, its hunger driving it to feast upon every inch of flesh. Luna noticed none of it, of course. Her attention was still focused sorely on the darkness around her.

The blackness crawled up her neck, its hunger as endless as its depths as it devoured Luna whole. Just as one of its tendrils crawled into her mouth and nose, it whispered, “We are together again, my sweet.”

“Noooooo!” Luna screamed at the top of her lungs. Snapping forward in her bed while flinging her hooves out to throw off her blanket, Luna struggled in her sheet’s hold. “Get off, get off, get off!”

After successfully liberating herself of her overbearing sheets, Luna sat upright in her bed, panting heavily. Both she and the mattress were ruffled up and covered in sweat. Droplets ran down her forehead. She felt as if she had just run a marathon. The ache in her bones certainly attested to that.

“Oh… oh thank goodness,” Luna sighed, wiping a hoof across her head. Sighing in relief, she fell back into the softness of her pillow. “Just a dream. Just a crazy dream.”

“Luna?” Celestia called from outside her bedroom doors, knocking briskly. “Are you okay?”

Groaning, Luna picked herself up and flicked a sweat-soaked strand of her mane out of her face. “Yes, sister, I am.”

“Are you sure?” Celestia opened the doors hesitantly, sticking her head in. “I heard some yelling when I was arriving to awaken you. Is everything alright?”

“I assure you, Tia, I am quite well. Just a strange dream is all,” Luna replied with a wave of her hoof. She hopped out of bed and into her royal garments. “But I am awake now, so all is well.”

“Strange dreams? Did you have a nightmare, Luna?” Celestia asked worriedly.

Luna bit her lower lip. “Well… it wasn’t exactly pleasant, but not the worse I’ve had, that’s for sure.”

“I thought being the expert on dreams and other nightly oddities would make you immune to them,” Celestia said, tilting her head to the side. “I mean, you are the Princess of the Night, after all.”

“I am just as susceptible to the horrors of the night as any other pony.” Luna placed her crown daintily atop her head and straightened her mane, which had become rather frazzled from constantly tossing and turning as she slept. “Or rather, day, as I should say.”

“Not for long. That is why I am here. The day is nearly over.”

“And I must raise the moon. Yes, Tia, I am quite aware of that,” Luna said with a mild amusement in her tone. “Are you still not used to me fulfilling my duty after such a long leave of absence?”

“If anything, I am relieved,” Celestia replied, blowing out a breath of frustration. “Raising and setting both the sun and moon could be a hassle. At least with you, I can take a break every once in a while.”

“I hope my workaholic sister doesn’t become lazy on me now,” Luna teased, finishing her preparations to begin her night. “I don’t know how I could possibly handle the royal duties all by my lonesome, let alone the royal throne. I don’t think I can fit in it, on account that—”

“Yes, yes, I spoke to my nutritionist, I’m starting a new diet, so you don’t have to worry,” Celestia said with a roll of her eyes.

“I didn’t say anything,” Luna said with a completely innocent expression. “Anyway, how was your day, Tia? Any crazy disaster strike Equestria during the day while I was asleep?”

“Not as crazy as the disaster during the wedding, that’s for sure. Really, everything has been rather normal thus far.” Celestia frowned.

“Tia, what is it?” Luna asked, catching her sister’s sour expression instantly.

“Nothing, really,” Celestia replied, shaking her head. “It’s just that, well, you know what today is?”

“Friday?”

“Yes, but the more important part.” Celestia sighed, rubbing a hoof on the bridge of her nose. “It’s the thirteenth.”

Luna pondered this for a moment, then immediately grimaced and asked, “Please tell me ponies still don’t believe in that silly superstition nonsense for this date, do they?”

“More than ever,” Celestia replied in disdain. “Every year I get ponies afraid to take two steps out of their homes in fear of bad luck. And if that wasn’t bad enough, their fears only grow stronger once night arrives.”

“Well, this time you don’t have to worry about that, do you, Tia?” Luna brushed a wing on Celestia’s backside and nuzzled her sister. “I am perfectly able to deal with the kingdom, be it Friday the thirteenth or Friday the fourteenth or any other day like that.”

Celestia nodded, nuzzling her sister in turn. “I know, Luna. You did so in the past, and I have full confidence you will be able to do so now as well.”

“I’ll patrol the dreams of the ponies extra carefully tonight. Tonight will probably bring out a good number of nightmares before the day arrives, so it is only safe to be sure that I can relieve them of their fears during their slumber,” Luna assured Celestia.

“As I expect you to, dear sister.” Celestia broke away from Luna and yawned, rubbing an eye tiredly as she trudged out of Luna’s chambers. “You know the usual time to wake me up. Good luck!”

Luna waited until Celestia was out the door, then walked up to her window and threw it open. Outside the sun was dipping on the horizon, seeming to need an extra push to dip it below and bring up the moon. As the sun’s finals rays shined on all Equestria, Luna closed her eyes and let her magic grow stronger and stronger as she charged for the spell she had completed too many times to count.

The sky shifted from a blazing red reflected from the sun to a more gentle pink and then eventual light purple as the sun dipped down below. In its place, the moon tipped over the edge of the land on the other side. As the fiery light from the sun disappeared from the sky, in its place rose a luminous ball that shone a silver light upon the lands. The moon had finally arrived, and with it stars twinkling in the night sky.

Smiling in content at another sunset pulled off without a hitch, Luna exited her chambers and wandered down the numerous halls of the castle. Servants moved to and fro lighting candles to bring some light to the corridors, while many nobles and other castle busy-bodies walked past her. Even at night, the castle was a busy place to be, and since the sun had just set not many a pony was tuckering down for the night yet.

Arriving in her private working quarters, Luna was greeted with the ever pleasant sight of a towering stack of paperwork awaiting her.

“What a wonderful bounty tonight,” Luna said in mock praise, dipping her quill in ink as she withdrew the first paper. “Oh goody, budget cuts. I oh do love filing these every single night.”

Cracking her neck, Luna got to work, and in no time at all the tower shrunk down in size as the hours passed. Luna worked tirelessly in silence, only diverting her attention to dip her quill tip in the inkwell by the lit candle, the only source of light in the room. Finally, after much mind-numbing work and ever-growing resentment for parchment, Luna was done.

“Sheesh, today really was unlucky,” Luna groaned, snapping her neck left and right to get rid of a creak that had formed after many hours of staring over a table. Closing her eyes and refilling her lungs with air and slowly letting out, she said, “And now that that’s done, I can get to much more needed work.”

The time for dream walking had arrived. Her most important and anticipated job her title entailed.

“I just hope ponies aren’t too frightened of this night of all nights,” Luna muttered, squinting her eyes closed harder as she focused harder on her magic. “Silly superstition shouldn’t be too much of a problem. Nightmare Night was just that, and it turned out better than I hoped. Tonight will be no different.”

Luna reached out a magic tendril to the different plane of existence that existed past this world. The one of dreams, both terrible and fantastic, nightmarish and lucid, and most of all, not real. It was a place that did not exist yet did, made up of the collective unconsciousness of the world’s population slumbering.

But for now, they were her lands. She ruled them, controlled them and helped the citizens that inhabited them. So for now, her magic sought out the dark holes that peppered this land. Nightmares of the tamest nature or most monsterous variety. She willingly entered these dark abodes of dreams to help rid their influence in the sleeper’s mind. It was a grueling task, especially with the nightmares she had been forced to witness and fix, but for now she ignored that and focused sorely on searching for the nasty ones that led to many a toss and tumble during the night.

Luna frowned. “How can there be not one nightmare yet?” she asked, pouring more magic in her horn. However, still nothing came up. For once in her life, Luna had no nightmares to fix. Not one person in all of Equestria or the world was dreaming a nightmare. A phenomenon so rare, Luna was stunned she was witnessing it. “This is impossible.”

The candle went out.

Luna’s eyes snapped open and she turned her head to the left and right. She had just felt a breeze slither down her shoulder. “Hello?” she called out, standing up from her seat on the floor. “Anypony there? I’m working now, so I’d really appreciate not being disturbed.”

The curtains covering the window in her quarters parted open. Moonlight shone down into the room, shedding a pale illumination on all corners. And standing in one particular corner stood a figure, tall and slender and draped in shadows.

A glint could be seen on the figure. Like it was holding something shiny that reflected the light from the moon. And what Luna noticed with alarm was that the object appeared to be in a triangle shape.

“H-hello?” Luna whispered to the shadowy figure in the corner. “Who… who are y-you?”

The figure didn’t say anything. It did move, however. Leaning over closer to Luna, the moonlight hit its face. A face with no mouth, only small holes covering its white skin like pockmarks. Two large holes in the center of its face revealed eyes, cold and dark and foreboding that seemed to float on a lake of darkness. The only other characteristics Luna noticed was a large triangle above its eyes, and two smaller ones appearing off the sides at where its nose was supposed to be, like it was crying blood.

However, all these details quickly flew out of Luna’s mind when she noticed the machete caked in fresh blood the figure lifted next to its face.

“Aww, looks like we’ve cut to commercial break,” Discord laughed, waving the remote in his hand. His snaggle-toothed grin could barely be contained as his mismatched eyes twinkled with a malicious light. “Oh, but don’t worry, we’ll get right back to the show right after a word from our sponsor. Discord, will you please come out?”

Discord appeared next to Discord. “Sure thing, Discord ol’ buddy ol’ pal of mine!” the second Discord said to the first Discord, patting him on the back. Waving to Discord as Discord left, Discord turned his attention front and center. “And sorry for the wait, folks, but just a quick memo before we begin with the show again.”

Smiling, Discord winked and walked behind a counter that just appeared behind him. “Now, if you didn’t already know, tonight is Friday the thirteenth. Supposed to be spooky, isn’t it?” Discord chuckled as he loaded up kernels into a popcorn machine, pouring in bags of salt afterward. “A real scarefest, if that’s what you kids call it. Now see, I was thinking I’d treat you hip ‘youngsters’ to a real treat tonight. Who’s in the mood for a scary movie?”

Discord poured into his bag a fresh batch of popcorn, sniffing and sighing in content at the overwhelming buttery smell that could make Paula Deen herself drool. “Well, even if you aren’t, your opinion doesn’t matter, since you’re already here anyhow.” Opening a package of milk duds, he poured them into his bag, along with an ample amount of skittles, twizzlers, chocolate syrup, whipped cream and finally a cherry on top. “And since you’re here, you’re gonna enjoy the show I have in store for you.”

Topping his popcorn with an extra helping of melted butter along with extra butter and covered in a good dose of butter, just to be safe, Discord said, “But before you do that, please head on over to the snackbar and buy whatever you want to munch on during the movie.” Filing a medium cup with diet soda, he added on, “Also, ask for those damn harpies to go easy on the ice, or else you’ll get a drink made up of over half water. What a rip off!”

Turning back forward and taking a handful of his snack, Discord gulped it down and smacked his buttered lips in content. “Once done with that, return to your seats and prepare for the show ahead. I prepared everything, just for you guys. Luna is in for a real fright, on this unlucky friday night! Terrors, horrors and damnation, oh my! Thirteen incarnations of evil she shall battle, or else thirteen ways she shall die!”

Discord fell in his seat, hiked up his feet as his comforter fell back, and called dibs on both armrests before any other compatriots take them. “Oh, and remember one thing!” Discord called out, before taking a sip of his soda. “Turn your phones on silent before the movie plays, or else you’ll become deader than Luna will turn out to be if I hear so much of a vibrate! Now, back to the show!”

Chapter 1: Jason

The room disintegrated around Luna, but the figure remained, silent and staring. Jason continued to raise his machete, until the blade was on level with his soulless gaze. Soon it was just the two of them, trapped in a staring contest as the moonlight grew brighter and the darkness seeped from the corners of the now forgotten room.

Jason had his prey cornered.

The moment of silence was finally broken, however, when Jason took a step forward. Luna immediately shuffled backward and started trotting at a furious pace. She didn’t know where she was or even where she was going, but the overwhelming chill that ran down her spine from looking into the eyes of… whatever that thing was, sent her in a mindless state of panic.

Jason followed behind, his prey disappearing in the dense forest that suddenly sprung up. But it didn’t matter. No matter how far they run, they always die in the end.

Luna crashed through foliage and brushed past trees, her hooves never stopping for rest so much as she felt the icy chill still on her backside. The forest was shrouded in darkness so bleak she only managed to dodge a tree when it was only five feet in front of her. The only available light was from the moon high overhead, which broke through the tree cover in small scattering rays.

Her lungs heaved as her strength ebbed and finally reached her limit. She had been running for what felt like hours now. Her pursuer was most likely left in the dust, since she heard nor have seen any sign of it since she retreated. Slowly coming to a stop, Luna leaned on a tree trunk and panted desperately for more breath.

“What… was that... thing?” Luna said in between breaths, finally sucking in a huge gulp of air and blowing it out in a long sigh. “And where am I?”

Looking up, Luna only saw the foreboding trees from before. They appeared sinister in appearance, warped and twisted by a malignant force of some kind. The air itself was drowning in a dark presence that made every breath uncomfortable and heavy. And looking down at her hooves, Luna noticed that a slowly swirling fog stuck close down to the ground.

“This… this can’t be a nightmare, can it? I don’t even remember entering one.” Luna gulped, closing her eyes and focusing in on her magic. Her horn glowed with a pale purple luminosity, but even then it appeared weak and not as strong as before. “No,” Luna whispered, letting go of her magic and sighing, “my magic is not as up to par as it normally is. What does this mean?”

The snap of a twig brought Luna’s attention back to the present. Lifting her forehead slowly from the treetrunk, Luna looked over her shoulder. The moonlight was no longer being blocked by a tree. Rather, it was that same figure from before.

Jason just found his victim.

Luna screamed, horn lighting up and releasing a wave of uncontrolled magic directly into Jason’s chest. Jason took a step back at what felt like a hammer blow hitting him. But it didn’t deter him for long, for he was already reaching out for Luna with his machete held high above his head.

“Stay back!” Luna shouted, striking Jason with another powerful magical blast. This time, it hit him with a force equivalent to a moving car, sending Jason flying back into the undergrowth. But he was still on his feet, already walking back to her as he shrugged off her attack. Closing her eyes hard and feeling all her magical strength ebb into her horn, Luna opened her now blindingly bright eyes and screamed, “I said STAY BACK!”

Now a force on par with a wrecking ball whisked Jason off his feet and into a nearby tree, breaking it half as a violent storm of splinters rained down from where it fell. The crash of the tree falling to the earth echoed throughout the forest, the creak and crack of breaking lumber resonating through Luna’s bones.

Panting, Luna stared at the last spot she had seen Jason. With the downed tree came an overwhelmingly bright patch of moonlight shining down on the forest floor. Not a sound could be heard other than Luna’s own breath.

Luna’s eyes squinted as a flash of light shone in her vision. Out in the pale moonlight of the fallen tree an arm was held up, machete pointed directly at the sky and reflecting the light. Soon it was joined by another arm, then a head, and finally an entire torso as the monster known as Jason rose up as splinters and dust fell off his ragged coat.

No matter what she threw at him, Jason just kept on getting back up. Luna didn’t know what to do. This thing… it was unstoppable.

However, the most horrifying thing Luna noticed about this creature was its face. It was gone. In its place was a horrifying mural of rotting flesh, diseased skin hanging from the bone, a mouth of yellow teeth drooling scum and pus, along with even more frightening depictions of the most terrifying dark corners of the imagination some sick mind could make. But what really scared Luna, to the point she felt like her heart might stop, were Jason’s eyes. Hollow, cold, almost like the eyes of a dead animal staring right at you. Not a trace of emotion and not even a single ounce of intelligence or empathy behind them. They were the eyes of an animal that were entirely soulless.

Leaning down, Jason picked up his hockey mask and put it back on his face, covering his deformed visage in exchange for a much colder appearance. He was unstoppable, unbeatable, and most of all, indestructible. And he was going to get his prey, no matter what.

“No… no, no, no! This can’t be happening!” Luna yelled, backing up and tripping on some brush to fall on her rump on the ground. She still continued to drag herself backwards, however, her coat and mane tangling with twigs and branches that met her path.

Jason didn’t say a word, just continuing his agonizingly slow pace with his machete held tightly in his grip. Luna didn’t want to see the end result of that machete’s blade, so she broke out in a run much like before, although with much less enthusiasm or endurance than last time.

The fog grew denser around her hooves, rising higher as she ran further down whatever path she was mindlessly taking. Her path finally ended at a lake, which had sprung up suddenly at the forest’s edge.

It was shrouded by a spooky blanket of fog covering its surface, so much that no light could be seen reflecting off its surface.

Luna stopped at its banks, turning around to the shadow ridden forest she had just departed from. No sign of Jason could be seen in the darkness, so Luna allowed herself a sigh of relief.

This sigh was interrupted by the machete blade that came only inches away from cleaving through her neck. “Ah!” Luna cried out as she fell with a splat at the water’s edge. Her body became soaked by the icy chill of the lake’s water, making her bones feeble and her muscles weak. “Please, don’t!” Luna shouted, holding her hoof up in protest.

Jason swung at her, Luna narrowly avoiding the machete’s blade by ducking beneath the lake’s surface. When she came back up she felt the machete graze her cheek as it hacked at her, as if she were a hunk of fresh meat.

Diving underneath the surface again, Luna panicked in its icy confines. If she went back up, she’ll be beheaded or dismembered for sure. If she stayed down here, then she’d drown or die of pneumonia. So she had to do something.

“Luna,” a voice spoke. It was in the center of her mind, not speaking through her ears but somewhere else entirely. “Luna, my sweet, my precious, I am here. Do not worry.”

Luna released a gasp of air long held in, the bubble rising to the surface as water replaced it in Luna’s lungs. As she choked and coughed on the dirty lake water, the voice whispered, “Don’t fret, my beloved. Embrace me, and we shall live, you and I. Just come into my arms, my sweet. Come… come to me…”

The water’s surface broke and Luna rose with her eyes shining a dark purple light. With a guttural scream, she grabbed Jason with her magical grip and held him several feet up in the air. The slash of his machete was reflected back by an invisible force that broke the handle from the blade. Then, with a turn of her head, Luna threw Jason like a ragdoll up in the air, where he flew for several seconds before hitting the lake’s surface and sinking underneath the waves.

Much like the first time, Jason was drowning. Cold water creeped into every corner of his body, filling in rotting skin and decaying flesh. As he sunk to the bottom, Jason knew this wouldn’t be the last of him. No, it was never the last of him.

Luna dragged herself out of the water, dripping and soaked to the bone. She felt like a walking ice cube and her only effort to stay warm was clattering her teeth and shivering uncontrollably.

“Wh-what h-h-happened?” Luna chattered, hugging her body in an effort to stay warm.

“We saved you, my beloved,” the voice whispered again, a laugh echoing in Luna’s mind. “We saved you from doom because we love you.”

“What… a-are you?” Luna asked.

“Look to the water and find out.”

Luna did so hesitantly, fearful that even now Jason could pop up. But the only thing she saw in the water was herself. Nothing else but a reflection.

However, it took her several seconds to realize that her reflection was muddled. She didn’t know if it was because of the pale moonlight or dirty water, but she looked different. Malevolent eyes, fangs sticking out from her lips, and even a helmet atop her head.

“Do you not see what we are, my dear Luna?” the reflection asked with a laugh, smiling while Luna frowned. “We are you, one and the same. We saved you because we didn’t want to die either. We are—”

“Nightmare Moon,” Luna blurted out, the realization hitting her like a bolt of lightning.

“Yes.” The reflection smiled wider, eyes glowing in the darkness of the night. “And if you want to survive this night of terrors, you must become one with us, Luna. Or else we shall both die.”