Funny Conversations: Derpy and the Unicorn!

by Kapwnage

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Random, Derpy Hooves, Slice of Life
Length: 1014

Derpy has a hilarious conversation about Mail and cooking with Twilight.

Twilight is making breakfast one day, and invites the mailmare to join her and Spike, that is... until things get awkward.

Published 2012-03-12 23:44:03 UTC
Last updated 2012-03-12 23:44:03 UTC

Derpy and the Unicorn!

*Open in new tab: Added for hilarious effect!*

*This is a new series I'm writing for the lulz and for no apparent reason what so ever, it is completely made up of dialogue.*

Kapu and MLP Presents: Derpy and the unicorn!

Produced By: Kapu

Written By: Kapu

And everything else: Kapu

"Come inside Ditzy! I just made some breakfast!"

"Wuh! I love breakfast!"

"Great, come on in!"

"I love breakfast!"

"Uh, ok. I'm inviting you in."

"Oh right, here's you're mail!"

"Thanks Ditzy, would you care to have some eggs with me and Spike now?"

"Yes!"

"Then come in here."

"Where?"

"In here, you just said you-"

"Twilight, I don't have time for microwaves."

"But-"

"I want breakfast!"

"Alright, lets go inside."

"Wheres outside? I need to go potty."

"Awugh, just go inside."

"I'm hungry!"

"Then lets have breakfast already!"

"Ok! I'll go get my muffins."'

INSIDE

"Kitchen is this way, Ditzy."

"I'd love a muffin!"

"But we don't have any muffins-"

"I must get going now, mail to deliver. We should totally have breakfast sometime."

"But I just-"

"I smell some delicious food!"

"Yeah I-"

"Wheres your Library at? I wanna come over some time."

"You're in it."

"Impossible!"

"Do you still want that breakfast?"

"Here's your mail!"

"Didn't you just give it to me?"

"No? Hey where am I?"

"Are you kidding me?"

"Who are you?"

"I'm beginning to think you're just an idiot."

"But I watched all the movies."

"What movies?"

"I want a car."

"What's a car?"

"Muffins!"

"Ditzy, would you like some breakfast or not."

"I'd love some!"

"Then walk into the kitchen and sit down!"

"Ok!"

"It's that way, Ditzy."

"Which way is Cloudsdale?"

"But we're having-"

"I want toast!"

"I can get you some toast."

"Muffins? Yes please."

"No, no muffins. We are having eggs, flowers, and toast. That's it."

"Alright, muffins it is."

At Breakfast

"Thanks Twilight, those eggs were delicious!"

"But you didn't even eat them yet."

"I gotta go now, so much mail to deliver. Hey have I given you the mail yet?"

"Yes Ditzy, you have. You asked that five minutes ago, and you asked that now. In ten minutes, when you ask me did you give me the mail yet, my answer is still gonna be yes."

"How 'bout now? Did I give it to you yet?"

"Twilight, I don't think shes ok."

"Spike, I think your totally right."

"Ooo I love eggs."

"Finally, she ate them. It's been two hours!"

"Why are my eggs cold?"

"You've just sat there and stared at us for the last two and a half hours."

"Twilight, your so silly. What kind of books do you read?"

"Oh! Uh, I love romance novels, and science fiction. History. All kinds of books, you know. They're all great!"

"I just love that one book they have, you know with all the words and with that weird N and V symbol."

"That would be the dictionary, Ditzy. Do you want some good books?"

"But Twilight, I just got here. Did i give you the mail yet?"

"Yes Ditzy, you have."

"Have you read it yet? Whats it about?"

"I don't know yet Twilight."

"Haven't I given it to you?"

"You have, but you just gave it to me and I havent read it."

"I thought you loved books!"

"I do, Ditzy."

"Isn't this a library?"

"Yes."

"Isn't this a library?"

"Yes, Ditzy."

"Do you like books?"

"Yes."

"Clouds are fun."

"Indeed they are, Ditzy."

"Rarity sure does love her diamonds."

"Yup, she sure does."

"What about that crocodile?"

"That's just Spike."

"Why isn't he a dragon?"

"He is a dragon, Ditzy."

"So hows your children?"

"I don't have any children."

"So hows the wife and kids, Spike?"

"Ditzy! He's a baby dragon!"

"I know hes a bird!"

"I'm not a bird!"

"Ditzy, hes not a bird, hes a dragon."

"Yeah, see? Purple scales. Dragon. Dra-gon."

"Whatever you say Mr. Tree."

"Ditzy, how many houses did you deliver today?"

"I deliver? What do I deliver?"

"The mail?"

"Since when did I start doing that?"

"Since when did you forget that you started doing that?"

"I'm bored, lets play a game."

"But it's eight in the morning!"

"It is most certainly a horse."

"What does this have to do with a horse?"

"You're a mash potato sandwitch. You're sand, and a witch. Sandwitch. WIth potatoes and tomatoes. Whats the difference?"

"Seriously Ditzy."

"Ditzy, maybe you should go see a doctor."

"I totally just lost you're mail. It's not in my bags anymore!"

"Maybe you should get going Ditzy."

"What about the princess?"

"Ditzy, this has nothing to do with the-"

"Crocodile, could you get me some more eggs?"

"I'm a dragon!"

"You silly violin!"

"Ditzy Doo, you're making absolutely no sense. You sound like Pinkie Pie on cra-"

"Spike! Enough, Ditzy, maybe you should go see if Rainbow Dash needs her mail delivered."

"But I don't deliver today. I order the couches tomorrow."

"But you-"

"I deliver today!"

"Yeah, I just said-"

"Wheres that breakfast?"

"You ate it."

"But I thought you said I was invited to breakfast?"

"You just ate it, Ditzy. You're plate is empty."

"That's not my plate."

"C'mon Ditzy, lets get you outside before you hurt yourself."

"Who are you?"

"Ditzy! Focus!"

"I am sterile, what are you talking about."

"Let's just go outside, Ditzy."

"I want pizza."

"Its eight in the morning."

"Wheres my breakfast?"

"Ditzy, we went over this like three times, you ate it. Now go outside!"

Outside

"Alright Ditzy, I'll see you later."

"Did you-"

"Yes, I got the mail already, Ditzy."

Ditzy's eyes finally straighten out

"Oh hey, Twilight!"

"Hi Ditzy."

"Here's your mail!"

"Thank you Derpy, thank you."

"Wait, Twilight?"

"Yes?"

"You're bacon is burning."

*Note: Do you guys want more? Yes? No? I adore the comments! :D! Expect more stories very soon. I was thinking more of these but in a different situation, and with different ponies? Maybe it would be a cool idea. This was one of those stories you make when you're bored.*