This Ain't Los Santos...

by Gherkin

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Crossover, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash
Length: 1319

On a perfectly normal day in Ponyville, a strange, mute, relentlessly obedient creature appears. Strange happenings ensue.

Twilight is enjoying a perfectly normal day in Ponyville. The sun is shining, birds are singing, and everything is perfectly fine.

That is, until a number of strange, mute creatures appear, who seem hell-bent on attacking each other for no reason whatsoever.

Grand Theft Auto Online © Rockstar Games

Published 2013-12-14 20:50:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-14 20:50:03 UTC

Welcome to Ponyville...

Welcome to Ponyville...

Twilight Sparkle loved living in the quaint little town of Ponyville, with her friends. Having grown up in the bustling metropolis of a city that was Canterlot, it was definitely nice to live in a place that wasn’t quite so busy; a place where ponies could afford the time to relax and enjoy their happy lives. Twilight was definitely glad that her duties as a new princess of Equestria didn’t disrupt her life in the small town. She wanted to just kick back, relax, and enjoy life in a town where, on most days, everything was peaceful and quiet.

This was not one of those days.

It appeared just after nine o’clock in the morning, right in the middle of the busy market. Ponies could not believe their eyes as the strange creature seemed to phase in out of nowhere, completely oblivious to the shock and confusion that its presence had caused. It was an odd, peculiar creature, standing upon two legs and with an appearance not unlike some kind of ape. It appeared to be male, and wore a casual set of clothes, as well as what appeared to be a pair of aviator sunglasses. A few ponies cried out in surprise as it walked forward, before it stopped and stared at a strange device that it had pulled out of its pocket.

Twilight, at the time, had been enjoying a breakfast at a café that she was particularly fond of. She looked on with a piqued curiosity as the creature stood there, near motionless, for a few brief moments, still staring at the peculiar device in what she could only guess was its hand. Then, a nearby earth pony mare, Daisy, cried out.

“Ah! What is that thing? Get it away! Go away!” A few other like-minded ponies shouted similar sentiments and started to back away.

The creature stopped looking at the device, and looked over towards the mare. He stared for a second, before shrugging. It put the device away, and started to walk away from the crowd in the market.

“No, wait!” Twilight cried out, flying towards the creature. This was a new lifeform, one that had not been seen in Equestria before. She couldn’t just let it leave, it could tell her all sorts of things about wherever it had come from. “Please, come back!”

The creature stopped in its tracks, and turned around to face the alicorn. It nodded, looking down at her, but remained silent. Twilight, taken aback by its sudden obedience, paused for a moment.

“Hello,” she said, lifting a hoof towards it. “My name is Twilight Sparkle. What’s yours?”

It remained silent, and did not respond. Instead, it pulled a glass bottle full of what looked to be soft drink out of seemingly nowhere and started to drink, downing the whole thing in a few seconds. It carelessly tossed the bottle to the ground, before looking down at Twilight again. Confused, she inspected the bottle, the label of which read ‘eCola’. “So, they have cola where you’re from. I guess you like it, huh?” she asked, in an effort to start a conversation.

Again, the creature did not respond, a merely stared down at Twilight continuously. Annoyed slightly, she went to say something again, but was interrupted as another being started to phase in nearby. The onlooking ponies collectively gasped, but did not move as the scene started to unfold. The new creature looked very similar to the other. It too appeared to be male, and sported the same style of clothing and even similar sunglasses. Rainbow Dash, who had trotted up next to Twilight, offered her thoughts.

“Look at this thing, Twi,” the pegasus said, flying closer to inspect the newcomer. “He looks almost exactly the same. It’s like they both have the same parents, or something.”

The first one turned to face the new creature, and started to approach. For some reason, it made some sort of gesture, raising both of its arms and extending both of its middle fingers to his kin. The second one studied the other for a second, before pulling another, larger device out of its pocket. It was long, with a grip on one end and what looked like a barrel on the other. Whatever it was, it looked too big to fit into the thing’s pocket, as it was easier longer than its arms.

The ponies watched on in anticipation as it pointed the device towards the other. The first creature turned to run away, but fell as the second pulled the trigger on its device. Oh my gosh, it must be some sort of weapon! Twilight thought as the surviving creature continued to shoot the corpse of his fellow man. Why would he murder the other in cold blood? The rest of the ponies looking on screamed in terror as they saw the first die horribly, and ran for their lives. In the chaos, what looked to be more of the creatures started phasing in and started attacking each other indiscriminately.

Amidst the chaos, Twilight and Rainbow dived for cover. The creatures, who all appeared to wear similar clothes and sunglasses, kept on fighting. “All of them look the same!” Dash pointed out over the din of weapon fire. “All of them!”

“That’s not important right now, Rainbow!” Twilight cried, observing the creatures. They died often, but all of them seemed to phase into a different location a few seconds after their death. “Why are these things killing each other for no reason?! It’s horrible!”

Then, as sudden as the chaos started, it stopped. The bangs and cracks of the creature’s weapons suddenly ceased, and silence fell. Confused, Twilight peeked over the table she and Dash had ducked behind to investigate. On the other side of the town square, another one of the creatures had appeared. Unlike the others, this one’s more curvaceous body seemed to indicate that it was female.

All at once, the male creatures put away their weapons and ran towards the female, surrounding her almost instantly. In near perfect synchronisation, they started to make some sort of jerking motion with their hands, all facing towards the female creature.

“Oh, what is going on?” Twilight snapped. “That’s it! All of you, just go away! Please, go away!”

Every one of the creatures stopped with their obscene gestures, and simultaneously pulled their devices out of their pockets. They touched the screens on the front a few times, before they all started to phase out of existence. Are they leaving? Thank goodness! That was horrible!

Soon enough, all of the strange and peculiar things had disappeared. Twilight noticed one of the devices belonging to the creatures had been left behind, and now lay on the ground. Curious, Twilight trotted towards it, and picked it up with her magic. The screen projected what appeared to be some sort of menu. Reaching out with her hoof, Twilight tapped the icon that read ‘Jobs’. The screen changed to a list, with only one entry. Her name, and a picture of her next to it. Even more curious than before, Twilight pressed on the screen again, and the list expanded. Her name appeared at the top of the screen, and a description of sorts appeared beneath:

“Oh, what is going on? That’s it! All of you, just go away! Please, go away!”

“Wait, what?” Confused, the alicorn decided to take a look at some of the other options the menu. She backed out of the Jobs section and clicked on another, titled ‘Texts.” Each entry looked like some sort of message sent from the creature to one of its friends, and were all equally as confusing.

“Well, what is it?” Rainbow Dash asked. “What does that thing say?”

Opening the last entry, Twilight studied it for a second, before reading aloud. “‘Dude, when are Rockstar going to add damn heists?’”