Friendship is NOT sexy 2: Reiterating the Point

by Skulky Scoot

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Romance, Alternate Universe, Human
Length: 4723

The sequal to what some are calling "suicide fuel", Isaac's back for more clop

HE'S BACK. Isaac is in for another round of explosive stupidity and nudity! Throw in a new twist that now he's written by an even bigger idiot than the last guy and you're in for a fabulous time of unreadable fun!
(Read the last one before this one. It has clop (Duh). Also this is Vfusion's story so tell HIM you hate it first. Then you can come crying to me)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-15 03:00:03 UTC

Big Mac

   (Hey, it’s me. Just thought I’d pop in and put this first chapter up just because I know you guys for some reason looked at the other one… speaking of which go read that one first else you’ll completely lost in this one. And don’t count on regular updates… I have issues… )

“Doctor, he seems afraid.”

   “He is. That’s why he’s chained to the bed.” Said my clone and Luna as they stood at the foot of my bed, me just noticing the thick metal chains binding me to the bed. I don’t really remember how I was chained exactly, the bed was merely two hospital cots pushed together to fit me in them, the chains thrown across my chest and stomach tightly. The room resembled a hospital setting, the bright lights and blaring white walls burning my eyes as I looked around the two before me.

   “Uh… guys? Please tell me what’s going on.” I murmured in fear on the bed, neither of them paying too much attention.

   “Quiet you, adults are talking.” Said my clone indifferently.

   “How can you be an adult when you’re my clone?!”

   “Because I said so. Now hush up, you’ve got a long day ahead of you.” He said as he shook his head towards me and looking to Luna, signaling her to unlock the binds. Her horn let off it’s aura power or whatever and the chains released me, falling to the floor in a noisy pile.

   “Get up and follow me.”

   “But I have no clothes…”

    “Worry not Isaac. We hath clothing appropriate for your mission.” Luna piped in, sitting me up with her magic, pushing me out of the bed. I stepped out of the bed, being ushered along by the two as my clone removed a handgun from the holster on his side.

   “Whoa! What’s that for?” I questioned, him keeping me in front of the two.

   “Isaac we pulled you out of a hostile universe. If we got the wrong one again we’re gonna have to put you down.”

   “What?! What the fuck are you talking about?!” He gave me a vicious look, Luna doing the same as the door opened before me. We went down the crowded hallway, ponies gazes fixed to me as I trudged through in my undies, bloodied cots and ponies in military apparel walking around the place in a busy hustle. Soldier ponies were everywhere, bleeding or injured in some way as we walked, all of them smiling at me as I passed.

   “Uh… clone? Mind explaining what the hell’s going on?”

    “This reality’s been compromised. All the duplicates are spilling into this world and they wanna take over it.”

    “Duplicates?”

   “Every time some dip shit or nerd writes a fanfiction or draws a comic or whatever about my little pony it creates a separate reality that it functions within. Well there’s been far too many and now they’re starting to mix.”

   “I am so confused…” He didn’t seem to care, pushing me out of the hospital area and out into the streets, the sun shining and explosions ringing out. The sounds of war were on the horizon as screaming and clanking metal thundered.

   “The hell?” I questioned, stopping to look around to see I was in Canterlot. The city was surrounded by a purple shield of magic, thousands of little bodies smashing into it as Pegasus soldiers engaged them with spears and what looked like small bombs. Lines of injured soldiers poured into the hospital doors behind me, some still injured soldiers rushing out to continue fighting.

   “THIS is what happens when you write fan fiction!” Came my clone’s angry voice, him taking me by the wrist and making me peer over the railing nearby, the steep drop off of the cliff that Canterlot stood on before me as I tried to back away. Suddenly something caught my eye however, the sight of hundreds of fires and burning villages all around. A mob of pastel colored blobs battled below, the sight of soldier ponies fighting a hoard of colored blobs.

   “Wha-WHAT THE FUCK?!” I screamed in shock, hands going to my hair and gripping it tightly. My clone turned me to face him, looking more serious than hell.

   “You’re the only one that can stop this Isaac, YOU have to help the real Equestria!”

   “Now just hold the fuck up! I want an explanation for all this!” He put a hand to his forehead in frustration, holding for a second before readdressing me.

   “When realities mix like I said earlier, the residents begin to share the dominant, most stable reality! Since Equestria is the base reality, all the OC’s and alternate universe characters are HERE now. Every clopfic, sadfic, whatever, is out there right now trying to wipe out Equestria so they can take over!” I was taken back by his explanation, looking back over the scene as I examined it closer, seeing Pinkies and Rainbow Dashes alike attacking soldiers and ponies, anthro and humanized ponies doing the same far below from our perch, about to say something snappy back before Luna coughed to herself to get our attentions.

   “Now that you have been shown the full extent of the situation, shall I and Doctor take you to the base to begin your mission?” She said rather calmly, looking to me with a meek smile.

   “Doctor?” I questioned, looking to them both.

   “We named the clone Doctor…” She came back sheepishly.

   “Well… that’s stupid.”

   “Well screw you mister “biblical name”.” Retorted my clone, putting his weapon in his holster and putting a hand on Luna’s neck.

   “Place a hand on me Isaac and we shall see our destination.” She said sweetly, letting me nervously put a hand to her neck as her horn started to glow. A flash sparked from her horn, the next instance seeing me fall straight on my ass in the halls of the palace, the stained glass of the windows shining down on me as I sat back up. Doctor and Luna weren’t phased in the slightest, Doctor getting my hand and getting me to my feet, the “base” part becoming apparent. Monitors and tables covered in maps and weapons were strewn about, ponies examining them and talking loudly to ear. Papers were lazily lying about on the floor, a suppressed handgun on a table as Doctor placed it in my hand, making me grip it.

   “For safe keeping. You’ll get ammo when you’ll need it.” He said seriously, motioning me to follow him as he turned about and led me through the hall. Ponies looked up from their maps and smiled at me as I passed, making me rather nervous as 30 ponies stared me down, some even stomping to imitate clapping.

   “So… what am I supposed to do exactly?” I questioned him quietly as he led me into a smaller room at the end of the hall, the room filled with the main six and Princess Celestia sitting around a bit table. I stopped before them, bad memories flooding back. Doctor didn’t answer me, simply walking in and taking a seat, Luna doing the same next to him as she offered a chair next to her.

   “Sit Isaac. We have much to discuss.” Celestia said seriously, looking to me expectantly. Of course I sat down rather quickly, the situation seeming to call for it as I looked about some more, seeing Twilight next to me. I backed away a good foot from her.

   “I’m sure you’ve been told of the situation by Doctor.” She said, looking to my clone as he put an arm around Luna, holding her comfortingly.

   “I… I have. But where do I fit in? Why bring me back when you can just clone me?”

   “That is the issue. A clone is not YOU. YOU aren’t susceptible to Pony seduction. Your clone however is.” She said, sounding more and more irritated as she looked to him and Luna. Both of which were nuzzling one and other as we spoke.

   “I don’t get it. Why do I have to fuck ponies again?” I questioned, scooting away from the two but keeping far from purple smart.

   “If you have sex with the 7 types of fics, you destroy them with you unattractiveness.”

   “Huh?” She rolled her eyes, as if my question noise was stupider than she could imagine.

   “You fuck who we tell you to fuck, it restores that reality.”

   “How?”

   “Because… we just kinda said it would and we’re praying it’s correct.”

   “Couldn’t you just kill them all?”

   “People keep writing fics! We tried everything! Making Twilight a princess, sending her to that ghastly human world, telling Sombra not to say anything and be boring, but you bronies just kept writing and now we have no choice. You must do this Isaac. You have no other options.” We met gazes for a good few seconds, trying to figure one and other out as her razor sharp glare broke my concentration, my head going to the desk with a groan.

   “Why me?”

   “If you can’t be seduced by a pony, you’ll be okay when you have to move on and fuck another one.”

   “Actually, I’m not okay with ANY of that.”

   “Well we picked you because you did 8 mares in 7 days and liked none of it. Anyone else would be too willing.”

   “What does being willing have to do with it?!”

   “If you like it’s more probable that you’ll betray us for free ass.” She stood up stiffly and began to walk out, obviously done with the conversation.

   “That’s all you need to know Isaac. I wish you luck.” She left the door open and went out, Twilight and her friends following her. All passing me with something to say.

   “Good luck Isaac.”

   “Don’t betray us sugar cube.”

   “I baked you this cupcake to cheer you up but I licked all the icing off…”

   “Don’t worry darling I’m sure it’ll be easy enough. You’ve done this once before haven’t you?”

   “I um… okay…”

   “Don’t fuck it up monkey thing.” The rainbow douche was last out the door as I held the naked, wet cupcake. Doctor tapped my shoulder.

   “Come on. Let’s get you suited up.” I bit my lip and paused for a good second, standing up with him and Luna solemnly.

   “Ugh… what do I do first?”

   “First on your list buddy, male on male.” Answered Doctor, getting my shoulder and leading me into a changing room that contained an assortment of clothes and a single mirror as tall as me.

   “Aw what? Seriously?” I whined as he started looking through the clothes, pulling out some thankfully normal pajama pants and black shirt.

   “Take it easy man. It’s you and big mac. Do him or whatever and jump back through the nearest mirror.” He said as he threw the clothing into me. I put it on quickly, glad to finally not be in just my underwear. The shirt was too tight, squeezing my form and bearing the logo of some band I had never heard of, the pants loose in fit as the pockets bulged with something dense and heavy.

   “What’s in the pockets?”

   “Ammo. If you’re compromised you gotta shoot your way out son. Then you return to base and try again… also you’re gonna have to take out the protagonist.”

   “Huh?”

   “The human lead. When you see him kill him and take his place.”

   “I have to kill someone?!”

   “7 people at best if you don’t fuck it up.” I stared at him in disbelief, my pistol already in my pocket as he patted my shoulder, trying to comfort me.

   “Don’t worry about it Isaac. You done this before.”

   “Not with a dude…”

   “You’re asexual what do you care?”

   “I don’t like dudes…”

   “Well… get the fuck over it.” He said curtly, stepping back and kicking me through the mirror as I passed right through it, falling onto my back in a completely different room as I held my stomach, the bruised feeling of his foot in my stomach knocking the air out of me.

   “Fuck that hurt!” Doctor stuck his head through the mirror, looking down at me.

   “Soon as you kill the guy, Mac won’t be able to tell the difference between you and him. Keep it discrete.” He pulled back through, me climbing to my feet and looking around. I was in a small bathroom, the smell of burning candles and old building filling my nose. The feeling of age came strongly, the wood old and the sink stained white from years of use. Voices came from outside as I went up against the wall opposite of the mirror and in line with the door.

   “Just let me get changed honey apple.” Came a young man’s voice, it followed by light footsteps that became louder as time passed.

   “Y’all hurry back now, we done just started tonight.” Came Big Mac’s deep, manly voice. The seductive nature on it disturbingly thick. The door open slowly and thankfully hid me behind it, the young man stepping in and closing it behind him. He didn’t notice me right off the bat, taking a second to turn around and see me put a weapon to his head and pull the trigger.

   The pistol wasn’t loaded though.

   “Shit.”

   “What the hell?” He said in shock, letting me lunge at him and pistol whip him. He fell back as I put my hand to his mouth, silencing him.

   “SHUSH!” I whisper yelled, his hands going to my face and clawing at it, pulling it and slapping me.

   “S-stop! You have to listen to me! The fate of Equestria lies on me fucking that horse!”

   “Wht uh fu?!” He muffled through my hand, kicking and bucking against me. I brought my hand up and threaten to bash his head in with the base of the weapon, him pushing his knee right into my goodies, making my hand come down to cover them, it going to his forehead. A visceral thump filled the room as I panted and fell to the floor, cupping my boys in pain.

   “Easy enough…” I whispered as I unloaded the bullets from my pocket, laying the weapon and mags on the floor and going to the door, taking a deep breath of shame before opening it.

   “Well, look what we have here.” Said Big mac, laying on a small bed on the opposite side of the room. He was surrounded by tiny candles and pillows, a blanket lazily covering his torso as his lower half was exposed. His tail was lifted and moved out of the way to show everything between his goodies, the sight initially making me want to scream as I held it back by some miracle. The lights were dimmed and the blinds drawn on the windows.

   “By god what have I gotten myself into?” I thought to myself as I made my way up to him nervously, making sure that the door was closed of course as I approached him, his eyes fixed onto my pants.

   “Ah love it when yur clothes are easy ta take off.” He smiled, pawing at my waist line with his hoof.

   “Well I uh… I am totally eager to do this with you… Mac.” He smiled up at me, detecting my nervousness as he dipped a hoof into my pants, pulling me forward to nuzzle my crotch and nibble at my covered third leg. Every fiber of my being was ready to spew forth copious amounts of vomit, but Mac held my shaky body tight with his hoof in pants. Eventually he was pulling down on them to show my boxers off, smiling and looking up at me with hooded, sultry eyes.

   “Mind gettin these for me?”

   “Mind fucking yourSELF?”

   “Huh?”

   “Never-mind…” I groaned as I slipped the pants down, putting my hands to my underpants and preparing to pull down. Of course he was watching intently as I did so, halting my process.

   “Everythin alright?” He asked with a dropping expression, obviously concerned at my slow process.

   “I um… I’m sorry. The situation is just… this whole thing is just ridiculous…”

   “Honey? Are ya’ll talkin bout… doin it? Ya’ll said it was alright.” I rubbed my forehead, turning about and holding up a hand to make him stay.

   “Just… just hold on. I’ve gotta check something.” I went into the bathroom and closed the door behind me, putting my hand in the mirror and feeling around for my clone, pulling him through.

   “What the hell? Did you finish already?”

   “You SURE this is how I save Equestria?”

   “You serious? Get in there and fuck that horse’s butt!”

   “DUDE! YOU get in here and fuck that horse’s butt!”

   “I’m a committed man!” He whisper yelled, showing his ring with Luna’s cutie mark on it.

   “You’re fucking kidding me right?”

   “The fate of a nation of talking marshmallow horse monsters lays in your hands and all you have to do is fuck a horse’s butt. WHY is that so hard?”

   “If it’s so easy then YOU do it!”

   “MARRIED.”

   “ASEXUAL.”

   “Tough tits Isaac! They picked you now do it!”

   “I’d rather get my dick blow off!” He suddenly stuck his hand through the portal, putting the muzzle against my pants and tapping the trigger, our noses touching intensely.

   “On second thought I think I’ll get right to the horse butt.” I said quickly backing up from him.

   “Good. Don’t fuck this up.”

   “Don’t I technically HAVE to fuck it up?”

   “Imma blow your dick off.” He said, pointing the weapon suddenly.

   “POINT MADE.” I said frightened, going out the door and closing it, Big Mac about to get up.

   “You alright honey bun?”

   “Yeah, yeah just fine let’s do this.” I stuttered quickly, going up to the bed and pushing him to his side, climbing in with him and holding his surprisingly soft body against me as I stayed on top of him, much to his content.

   “Well now, looks who’s all high an mighty in the bed.” He said smoothly, rubbing my arm with a hoof.

   “Well… I… I want your butt I guess.” I stammered, trying to seem smooth as I rubbed his belly. His leg kicked a little as I rubbed and scratched his broad, firm belly, him seeming to melt as I worked.

   “Want a belly rub before we do this? Maybe JUST a belly rub?” I questioned hopefully, rubbing a bit harder as he flipped on his back dopily. His member just happened to flop out and whap against my arm, getting his attention. His eyes almost popped from their sockets as he looked up at me and licked his lips, looking down at his twitching buddy.

   “I… I have to touch it don’t I?” I groaned, pulling my arm back so it wouldn’t touch.

   “If you’d be so kind Dillan.” Well, his name was Dillan. Now I knew that. And now I had to beat off a miniature horse. Slowly I reached a hand to his long, black thingy and gently gripped it, feeling the pulse of his heart and the immense amount of heat it gave off to the touch.

   “Oh… oh god…” I almost hurled, Mac not seeming to notice as he leaned his head back with a rather pleased sigh.

   “Mmmmh… now get movin.” He commanded, his eyes meeting mine expectantly.

   “The things I have to do because of a little girl’s show…” I grumbled under my breath as I spat on his member, rubbing the thin film of liquid up and down to get it even, starting to slowly stroke his massive length. He squeaked a little as I worked him slowly, his front legs curled up undeniably cutely at his chest. His pole was freakish to hold, at least 8 inches on a pony half my size and thicker than my wrist at points. Sadly I kept sliding my hand up and down his thingy, having to look away as a bead of what was either pre-jizz or some other horse liquid slowly formed then dripped down the bottom of his shaft. I made a gap with my hand to let it slide past without having to touch it, trying to find something to look at as I moved a little faster, his grunts and squeaks quickening as his pleasure was building his back legs were articulating and moving about, pressing into my chest and cheeks as I focused on other things, Mac making a little game of pushing his big tan hoof into my face to throw me off my supposed concentration. Eventually he sat up and put a hoof to my chin, making me look to his sultry, pleading eyes.

   “Ah can’t take it anymore. Just put that thick, juicy human cock inside me. Please.” He begged breathily, pushing his face into mine like he was kissing. More or less smooshing our lips together as my thousand mile stare went straight through him.

   “Lube?” I asked him, looking about as he still smooshed into my cheek. He pushed something into my stomach, somehow grasping a little squeezy tube of the stuff. I picked it up and examined it quickly, for some it being apple flavored.

   “How… thematic?” I said shakily, lazily pointing it downwards and squeezing. Luckily it land right on his butt, my goodies not even out yet. He quickly changed that as his strong back legs yanked my undies down, examining my thingamajig.

   “Oh ma…. That right there’s a nice dick Dillan. But it aint even hard yet.” He said poking it with his hoof, looking up to me with a “challenge accepted” face.

   “Oh god what are you planning?” He simply smiled and reared back a little, raising his legs and kicking me straight in the chest, knocking me straight on my back and quickly climbing over me.

   “Agh! Again with the kicking!” I groaned, covering my chest as mac climbed up, sitting rather roughly on my flippity floppity parts and grinding heavily.

   “EEEEEEEEEEEEW.” I groaned internally, looking down to see his pony bits against my goodies and his hooves on my chest, using me as his leverage to smear his butt against me. He grunted and smiled down at me as he roughly pushed back and forth on me, trying to shame me into an erection. But science will tell you, (you can ask science, he’ll back me up) put something warm and soft against a penis and eventually something funny will start happening… and that’s my reason behind getting an erection to Big Mac at that one time in my life. So… so shut up it wasn’t my fault a promise.

   “There we are, ready fur his big moment.” He said, looking down to my thingy and smiling as he pushed his body up higher.

   “Give em a little boost Dillan.”

   “It’s always MY job to touch it…” I said smartly, rolling my eyes and slowly touched my own junk. I closed my eyes and bit my lip, standing it up and waiting for the worst. The worst came when Big Mac slammed down harder than a freight train crashing into a concrete wall at 100 miles an hour. Knocking all the air out of me and opening my eyes. Unsurprisingly enough, he had fit the whole thing in one go. He was happy enough to sit there for a few seconds and let the feeling of it all sink in for him, his eyes like he had just taken a hit from drug or whatever. He let out a soft grunt and started to lift, beginning the one way ticket to Faggotville and bouncing on me rough as he could. The bed creaked and cracked as he worked did his weird, pony things to unfortunate thingy, his hooves bearing down with quite a bit of weight on my stomach to keep me from breathing apparently. His own massive thingy was dripping something thick and sticky from the tip and letting it hit my stomach, his OTHER thingies bouncing and slapping against my waist in way that seemed pretty painful, but obviously he wasn’t fazed. He continued to bounce and moan, getting faster and rougher as he started to actually hurt me, my hands finding his shoulders to try and stop his merciless beating.

   “AH-MAC-STOP-OUCH-FUCK!” I coughed as he bounced, Mac moaning to loud to hear me.

   “Ahm gettin close Dillan! Ahm gonna cum!” He groaned happily, leaning down and kissing my neck as he bruised me fiercely with his large red butt.

   “Can-you-stop-beating-me?!” I cried, his eyes meeting mine as he kissed into me, filling my mouth with his weird, pony taste. He slammed down hard enough to pop my hip, his butt squeezing tight as his horse schlong fired onto my face. He caught me far off guard, his seed splashing onto my eyes and cheeks in thick, white ropes of pure nastiness. Which in all honesty stopped me dead in my tracks faster than a shotgun blast.

   “That… that was amazin… ah love you Dillan.” He said sweetly, hugging into my chest and nuzzling my neck. My petrified face stared off towards the window on the opposite wall, twitching as the sticky, salty liquid slowly dribbled down my features.

   “Mind if... I like take a second to clean my face?” I asked shakily, hands trembling against the covers on either side of us.

   “Ya’ll don’t want me ta lick it up?” He questioned happily, inching closer with his brick like snoot.

   “No, no that’s quite alright.” I stuttered quickly, pushing him off and getting up. I tried to look away from him, not wanting to see his rejected face as I went into the bathroom, my clone already sticking his head out through the mirror.

   “Oh shit son… you might wanna wipe your face”

   “Just shut up and let me in.” I growled unhappily, grabbing whatever I came in with and putting it on, going through the portal. Celestia was waiting for me on the other side.

   “You might want to wipe your face.”

   “Sun butt I am in no mood. Just please tell me that did something.” I begged, my clone giving me a cloth to wipe my face. Celestia turned about and motioned me to follow her, making her way down the halls towards a window.

   “Look Isaac. We were right. The Homosexual fan fictions are disappearing.” She said with a growing smile, letting me look down over the dwindling carnage below. Massive patches of the battlefield were exposed now, large portions of the duplicates vanishing before us.

   “Huh… so having sex with the strongest duplicate DOES destroy their army… Pinkie looks like you won that bet.” My clone said, turning to the main six and handing a sack of bits to the pink blob.

   “I TOLD you guys!” She said in an “I told you so” manner, speeding down the halls to spend it where ever. I sighed a bit in relief, seeing that my actions weren’t in vain after all as I turn to Celestia.

   “So… what’s next?”

   “From what Doctor and my generals have told me, the second most powerful out of the armies is something called the “MILF’s”. She said, not seeming to really know what the term entailed. I curtly face palmed and held back tears.

   “DO you guys have some sort of bath tub you can fill with bleach? I need THAT kind of bath again…”